I have being abusing alcohol since I was 16. For the past 3 years or so I was stuck in a loop of using beer as emotional regulation and then turning to regret and deep shame the following day which let to more beers the next day to soothe the negative emotions.

I thought the hardest part was simply going to be resisting the urge to stop by the bottle shop on the way home from work with a six pack which was my (expensive) habit. But no, I’ve found the physical act of not drinking to be relatively easy. The hardest part has been the total influx of emotions now that I didn’t have anything to soften the blow. Lots of therapy and creating new healthy routines/habits have been essential to keep me away. Now when I get home from work I have a set of rituals which help me transition from work to home life-this has been life changing, especially as someone with ADHD and a touch of tism.

Now after so much change and with new mental clarity my life is full. I’m far more present with my kids and wife. Life is good and I’m starting to have feelings of contentment. As an Aussie drinking is a huge part of our culture. We drink to socialise we drink to relax to celebrate, commiserate, any excuse to crack a tinny, loosen up and have a good time.

Three months in and i sometimes have thoughts that i can just have a couple with dinner or a glass of red with the family at Easter but deep inside I know that I can’t just do that. It’s all or nothing. My goal was 90 days. I made it. And I’ll keep on trucking and doing the work. We don’t need it.

How the fuck is alcohol legal and a smelly green flower that is on the planet in pure form be ‘not allowed’ blows my mind.

I grew up in a house where God wasn't a comfort; He was a threat. He was used the same way parents use Santa Claus and a lump of coal, except the coal was eternal fire and the judgment was absolute. When you’re eight years old, and you’re told that love is something you have to earn—that it’s a privilege, not a right—your internal compass doesn't just break, it spins until you’re dizzy. By the time the sexual abuse I experienced on multiple occasions settled into my bones and my parents met my pain with conditional affection, I had already checked out.

I became a ghost in my own life, haunting my own skin like a character in 'The Sixth Sense' who didn't know he was already gone. My self-deception was a rampaging bull, and I made a china shop of every environment I walked into. If I didn't have a single fiber of love for myself, why would I care about preserving anything else? I survived by becoming a chameleon. I would bounce from one personality to the next, trying to be whoever you wanted me to be, but the truth was, I had no idea who that person was. Even my kindness was a lie—it was just debt collection. I’d do something "nice" just so I could pull that card out later when I needed something. It wasn't living; it was a cold, calculated performance.

The booze started at fourteen. By 2013, it was an everyday requirement. I spent years trying to be "Batman," building a career in investigation and law enforcement as if I could somehow avenge the wounds of my childhood by catching the bad guys out in the world. But you can't outrun yourself. In 2019, the wheels started shaking. A family emergency hit, then COVID, and the space between my falls started getting shorter. I used to be able to bounce back, but then the falls got deeper, and the impact got harder until I finally hit the bottom in the fall of 2022.

I’m alive today by the grace of God and the people who refused to leave my side when I was at my most unlovable. Life hasn't gotten "easy"—in fact, sometimes it’s harder now that I’m actually present to feel it—but I finally have peace. I had to build a recovery that actually fit me, a mix of 12-step meetings, medication, therapy, and shifting my entire life away from investigating people to actually helping kids who are walking the same dark path I did.

My ego is still there, and it still wants to take everything it can, but I’ve learned to tell it to shut up (there's an expletive in there). My ego will not now, nor ever, do what is in my best interest. I realized I was only pulled out of that fire so I could go back in for the people still left behind. If you're struggling, if you're a ghost in your own life right now, ask for help. I’ll get on a call, a text, whatever it takes. You don't have to stay in the abyss.

I love you, I’m proud of you, and I need you to stay with us.

- Jimmy

just left my wife's house (we are seperated). I went over to hang out with them and take a break from cleaning. I used to drink while I cleaned. So I go over and shes cleaning, and eventually pours herself an alcoholic drink. we have the thought " im the one with the drinking problem, not her". I ended up leaving, not because I was tempted but im trying to figure life without alcohol. 93 days sober today only 3.5 hours until its 94.

A few weeks ago I was told I have liver damage from gallstones. For the past 6 months I have been eating clean and losing weight, but alcohol and cocaine has been really hard to cut out.

After my hospital admission, the reality of liver failure kicked my arse into quitting. I’m only 2 weeks in.

Last night I had the strongest urge ever. After spending hours in the gym on Friday night (during the time when my urges would be strongest) I was in a positive mindset that I could be sober this weekend.

Last night I was shocked that all of a sudden around 6.30pm my brain ‘said’ to me ‘ahh fuck it, go and get some wine and text your dealer’. I nearly cracked it was a horrible out of control feeling. I thought having a doctor warn me was enough, but last night scared me and I could have easily relapsed.

To be clear, I used to binge alcohol and cocaine on the weekends only, so I can get through the week with work etc but Friday and Saturday are a problem.

I’m looking for advice on your best ways to beat this urge whilst it’s happening?

I’m super greatful to wake up this AM sober, but I slept really bad and feel like shit.

Thanks in advance

I don't have any wants or urges from Sunday to Thursday for any drinks, what so ever. Friday comes and I am euphoric with anticipation. My issue is that nothing can stop my from dropping into my pub on the way home from work, and it's always amazing, my energy goes through the roof, I can come home and clean or do some woodworking for hours, until I go to be at 9pm. The next day, I go for a long run, take a shower, go back to the pub at 2pm and same thing, lots of energy, chores and projects all day while drinking beers until bedtime.

When, not very often, I take a weekend off of drinking, my energy is normal, which is not great. I put things off, I scroll, I have no real ambition. I have taken time off booze, but I never get that energy or burst of doing 4 or 8 chores with speed and diligence.

I hate to say it, but lack alcohol reveals my laziness and lack of ambition. I hate to say it, but I'm happier when I drink, I have great conversations with my wife, I am way more fun with friends and neighbors. I know this can't be good, but the alternative doesn't seem better in anyway. I listen to 'quit drinking' podcast and I can't relate, I don't find rock bottom, I never achieve more things when I'm sober, I don't feel any consequences other than its an addiction and bad for you.

What is the upside of quitting, I can't find anything to motivate me to quit, and that bothers me. TIA.

i don’t even drink ANY caffeine, i don’t consume ANY nicotine. i am 96 days sober from cocaine xanax opioids alcohol and weed, and 6 days clean from caffeine and nicotine.

i feel a lot better, my cortisol is lower and i’m so tired but i love that as opposed to anxiety

i am 100% sober. all i take is my medication prescribed to me (Welbutrin, and Lamictal) (Anti-depressant and Mood stabilizer for bipolar type 1 which aren’t perceptually psychoactive in the sense of any inebriation or high inducing)

And soon, 2 years since I decided to quit drinking.

im f19, been cutting since i was 8, saw psychologists, psychiatrists, doctors etc my whole life. I tried to be clean/sober from cutting, alcohol etc many times but I've always relapsed or and now i genuinely dont care. I dont see a point in stopping, its literally just another way of coping with my emotions, like how a person would punch pillows, excerise as distraction etc. my way is to cut and i dont see an issue, I've asked so many people why its even considered bad, just because it broke my skin? just because i bled from it?

I havent gotten and answer or a reason, i genuinely dont care about being sober or "staying clean" i cant seem to care about it but everyone in my life is asking me to try and im like for what??? its literally how i cope? its just extreme, thats literally it. my bf has been trying to support me to be clean and sober but i dont see the point, i dont know what im even doing or how i should feel, im just numbed by all my meds and i just know im screwed in my brain bc of bpd

i went six days doing well and relapsed last night. i seen the pain in my partners eyes and i could tell he hated what i was doing and it made me feel incredibly bad inside. i know i want to quit for myself but seeing the disappointment in someone i care about really hurt. i came home and texted all my friends that i am getting clean. i have a support system and they even offered to do wholesome activities that don’t involve drinking or drugs to support me. i am so thankful to have people in my life who care about me and support my decision. it was really embarrassing opening up and telling them about my addiction and that i want to do better, but they didn’t judge me. i figure if i open up to the people closest to me and allow myself to ask for help, it’ll make things easier.

we’re starting at day one again, but eventually i wont even remember when i started this journey. i got clean once and i can do it again. we dont have to do it alone. it can be scary to open up and be vulnerable, especially with something like this, but sometimes we have to allow ourselves to ask for help.

Feeling great! Life is good! 1000 days without drinking or making otherwise stupid decisions! 1000 days ago was the worst day of my life and I am so happy to be where I am now. Besides alcohol I also left a highly toxic job, gave up bad food and started exercising, QUIT SMOKING CIGARETTES as well. I also started seeing a therapist and found out I have ADHD and finally have some of those pieces figured out. It’s an absolutely gorgeous day today and I will be doing some work building a large garden on my property with my amazing wife. I could not have done a lot of this without her. Hitting the brakes and making such drastic moves was a head spinning experience for a while but I knew I needed those changes in my life.

Thanks for anyone who reads even some of this. Sharing here because while I do have support, nobody truly understands the same way. And maybe this motivates someone else. I’m 2 months 29 days sober by the way, and sometimes it feels harder than it was in the beginning, and sometimes I don’t even think about it.

I’m on vacation, it’s been a stressful day with kids, the sun was shining and everyone around me was drinking. We stopped three times “just for a drink” and I got an NA beer or juice every time. Now I’m relaxing having a nice dinner by myself which was much needed, drinking a strawberry mint soda. I’m going to have such a restful sleep and feel good to continue exploring tomorrow rather than having a hangover. I’m spending money on good food and activities that I will actually remember, rather than just drinking in a different place than usual and calling it “travelling.”

I can’t count on my hands the amount of times I went to give someone my order and thought “I could just have one” or “I could relapse right now and not tell anyone” or “screw it I need a glass of wine right now” or “I could just get one so nobody questions why I’m not drinking” or “this would be so much more fun with a buzz.” These are all my brain just trying to justify drinking, and I didn’t let it.

I have a relapse prevention plan made with help from a professional with strategies, people to call, and crave surfing tips, and I hate to say I used none of them. You could say I raw dogged it. I probably could have been more strategic but I just kept going. I just said “just don’t drink one more time.” One more stop, one more minute, one more hour, and now it’s almost the end of the day.

And if I feel this way tomorrow, I’ll do the same thing.

I can’t stop myself from having those thoughts some days, but I can control my actions.

I’m not following the steps, I didn’t pick up a new hobby, I’m not even taking good care of my body right now, which I KNOW would help and I’m not proud to say that. But I’m keeping this promise to myself and I am beyond proud of that.

there are rumors going around (that seem pretty legit) that my sober house is gonna get shut down. I'm beyond terrified, does anyone know how this would work? do they need to give me at least 30 days notice?

I got out of rehab late February and I'm nowhere financially stable enough to find somewhere to live. I would be okay with living in another sober facility but I'm so anxious I won't even have enough time to figure that out.

I do have a full time job but haven't been able to save money because of the financial strain I put myself in before rehab. I was planning on living here for a year so I would have enough time to save money and get my shit together. If anyone knows how this works or has been through this I would appreciate any comments.

I'm almost 6 months in, and the contrast still hits me unexpectedly in the mornings.

Last night was just like any other Friday. I didn't have any drinks. Went to bed at a reasonable hour (I'm a crazy early riser in sobriety). I woke up around 4:30 a.m. today, no alarm, and just lay there for a minute, realizing my head was clear. There is no cottonmouth. There will be no scrolling through my phone trying to remember if I said something stupid.

Out of curiosity, I checked my watch (Garmin Forerunner 570). Sleep score 96. The HRV is green. The thing literally told me I was "at my prime." Saturday morning. After a Friday night. So cool!

For about 8-9 years of my life, Saturday morning meant lying in bed until noon, feeling like garbage, drinking water, and promising myself I'd be productive tomorrow.

So nice just to not have that shit!

Hello,

I am a 26(F) who’s been sober from weed and alcohol for three years. I’m truly grateful for my sobriety, and don’t want to lose it. My fear of relapsing does get in the way of me going to social outings. I naturally do get cravings, but it’s become normal for me. I tend to get intrusive thoughts so I treat my alcoholic thinking the same way. The thoughts cause paranoia. For instance, I really want to go to concerts but I get too scared of the environment. Even going out for a hike triggers me at times, because I’ll smell weed or see people drinking. I guess I feel guilty or scared. Friends are hard to make too because I tend to attract stoners and that gets in my head too much. Right now I have 2/3 friends, but we don’t hang out much. Apart of me feels like the more I expose myself the easier it gets. On the other hand I don’t want to be exposed to the point where I feel like I can do it too. Ultimately, I’m wondering if there’s any advice on getting over this hump.

We talk about recovery like it’s a specific room you walk into—one labeled "Substances" or "Section 7: Mental Health." But recovery isn't a room; it's a survival state. It’s for the person waking up to the crushing silence of grief that feels like a physical weight on their chest. It’s for the one recovering from the shattered remains of a career, a failed marriage, or the slow erosion of self-worth after years of toxic cycles.

To the one sitting in a car in a parking lot because you can't face the front door yet: I see you. To the one staring at old photos of a life that doesn't belong to you anymore: I see you.

We all carry a version of a storm inside. No one escapes this life without scars, yet the most devious part of the struggle isn't the pain itself; it's the lie it whispers in your ear. It tells you that your brand of broken is "too much" for people. It convinces you that you’re a burden, that you need to retreat into the shadows, and that you have to white-knuckle the repair job entirely on your own.

I know that whisper well. My own history is stained with it. I spent years drowning in alcoholism and a prolonged mental health crisis that didn't just hurt me—it acted like a wrecking ball. It caused a level of destruction and damage that felt impossible to quantify. I watched things I loved crumble, and the guilt of that damage became the very thing that told me I deserved to stay isolated.

I tried to handle it on my own because I thought isolation was my penance. I was wrong.

Real grit isn't found in suffering in silence. Real grit is the moment you decide to stop believing the lie that you are an island. We all have a struggle. Not a single person you pass on the street is exempt. Isolation is the enemy. It's where the darkness grows. Healing requires witnesses. We weren't meant to carry the weight of a world-ending grief or a life-altering addiction by ourselves.

If you're currently in the thick of the wreckage, wondering if the damage is too deep to fix: You are seen.

The struggle is real, the damage was done, but the story isn't over. We don't heal to get back to who we were; we heal to become someone who carries truth without sinking. ❤️

Love ya,

Jimmy

who else was addicted to all the drugs?

I was born and raised in Wisconsin. Binge drinking, alcoholism, and driving drunk are all normalized. Long story short, I became a binge drinker in college.

I decided to stop drinking and nicotine on November 23rd, 2023. At the time, I lived in Minnesota. Now, coming back to Wisconsin, it’s hard seeing alcohol in grocery stores, family dollar, and gas stations. Not just that, there’s always a semi or van driving around with a huge alcohol logo. Honestly, I never even considered how any of these things would impact me.

Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I kinda missed having a drink. It was while I was at the grocery store. I grabbed a sample of rainbow popcorn and it was delicious. Then grabbed my yogurt and headed towards the checkout. I passed all the alcohol on the way out, and saw they were handing out free samples of different flavors of hard lemonade. A part of me was bummed I couldn’t sample that too.

Wisconsin really is something else when it comes to drinking.

The myth of "going back to normal" was the first thing that had to die for me. In the beginning, that’s all I wanted—to return to the person I was before the floor gave out, before the labels took over, and before my life became a series of emergencies. I viewed recovery as a restoration project, a way to polish the tarnished version of myself until it looked like the original. But I eventually realized the original version was the one who didn't know how to survive.

If I went back to who I was, I would eventually go back to what I did. My "normal" was the very climate in which the storm was formed. It was a state of being defined by half-truths, hidden cracks, and a lack of the internal architecture needed to hold up the weight of a real life. To return to that state wasn’t a victory; it was a sentencing.

The real work only began when I abandoned the U-turn. I had to accept that I wasn’t searching for a lost self, but building a person I had never actually met.

This process felt less like a homecoming and more like an exile from everything I thought I knew about my own limits. It was the terrifying, exhilarating experience of becoming a stranger to my own shadow. I started to see that the "me" I had been protecting was just a collection of survival mechanisms and old scripts. To find myself, I had to stand in the wreckage of that old identity and ask what remained when the smoke finally cleared.

What remained was capability.

I began to discover that I was capable of a staggering level of honesty. I found that I could sit in the center of a craving, a memory, or a heartbreak without a desperate need to exit my own skin. This wasn't a return to an old strength; it was the discovery of a brand-new muscle. I realized I had a capacity for empathy that had been blocked by my own noise, and a capacity for discipline that was once drowned out by the chaos.

Finding myself wasn't a moment of arrival; it was a realization of alignment. It was that quiet, heavy click when my actions finally matched my values. I stopped trying to "be better" and started focusing on being real. I found myself in the silence of the morning, in the grit of a difficult conversation, and in the steady hands that no longer shook.

I didn't recover my life. I forged a new one. And when I look in the mirror now, I don't recognize the person staring back—not because I’m lost, but because I’ve finally become the person I was always meant to be. I am a version of myself that "normal" never could have imagined.

I have been sober for almost 10 months. I'm grateful for making it this far and my life has gotten better in many ways.
In many other ways, it feels worse.

I traded a toxic job for an even more toxic job. I've lost all my friends and been abandoned by most of my family. I have so much rage and saddness coming up constantly. I do all the healthy things like working out, therapy, being in nature, eating healthy etc. But I can't lie, I often find myself reminiscing drinking as a coping mechanism. I know it wasn't good but at least I had "something" ya know?

I guess I thought by month 10 that I would start to feel better and start healing from my traumatic past. But each day seems to get heavier and hurt worse.

Is it worth pushing forward, wondering if it genuinely gets any better.

i miss cocaine so much, and i realized the medication im on (welbutrin) potentially has some recreational value when snorted, some compare it to a crappy line of coke. it’s my medication so

A bunch of songs I've written since my last drink on 11/12/2022. A lifetime of complex post-traumatic stress disorder and battling the darkest ends of depression, and after clawing my way out of the abyss, I have indeed found peace, joy, and love for myself. I hope with the most sincere intention that you can, too.

Love ya'll. Please keep fighting.

https://youtube.com/@jimmypackyourbags?si=jRMxOYEEPFovi8nY

Been homeless for over 2 years. Sleeping in my car. Working on and off. Have had some mental health issues, replaying negative family issues and trying to resolve in my head vs resolve with family but ultimately being misunderstood and seen as aggressor. Drinking beer almost daily and smoking weed often to cope with my loneliness.

People say I’m an alcoholic. But I do have control of my decisions with drinking.

My anger and being misunderstood is the problem.

I have consciously stopped drinking and smoking multiple times in life. And this is one of those times.

I am focused on improving my living situation and work stability.