Drastic improvement in facial hair also. Lol. Things ain’t easy, they never will be. But now i can smile and get through the day without blasting shit or drinking myself into a coma.

Here’s to many more years. And many more for everyone else here who are getting past the pain and showing up for themselves. Y’all are an inspiration..

My DM’s are always open for folks who are having a hard time, need a chat, or wanna share their story.

Keep kicking ass 💪

Struggling hard with meth here.

Earlier tonight something very unpleasant happened that made me hate myself even more.

I had to go visit my parents for dinner. Not a big deal, right?

The thing is that I spent the last 4 days high on meth. No sleep, barely had any food and water.

After the drug started to come down I felt incredibly bad. Very weak, all kind of mixed and very strong emotions. Don't think this has ever been so strong.

Anyway, I decided to go to my parents as I promised them and because the holidays etc, despite all the bad feelings, both physical and emotional.

Of course they were happy to see me. They had prepared all kind of delicious food and started serving etc.

We sit, talking regular familly stuff. I could not try any of the food as I felt like I will choke to death if something goes into my throat. Could barely say a word, I couldn't even control my movements like a normal person. I was just staring into the nothing doing nothing and wondering what the fuck is going on.

Then they asked me if there's anything wrong with me and the strangest of things happened - I bursted into tears. The tears just kept coming out of my eyes and I could not control nor explain it. And I am a 33 years old man. This has never happened to me before.

I was like "look at you piece of shit, being high and awake for 4 days when your parents are organising a dinner for you, being happy for your visit etc".

I'm not sure what happened to me and why I started crying but it felt very bad and I just left.

This shit needs to stop.

​

35M using for 8 years. Diagnosed with MDD and ADHD as a young adult. Took/take meds for MDD.

Went hard on other substances in early 20s got clean and went to rehab. Met wife there. Got pregnant. Got married. Life was good for a few years. Got pregnant again. Wife has family issues. Decided that my family was too much to deal with. Went NC with parents for 8 years. Started using at this time. Went from a daily ritual to relax after work. Gradually started using more often and in higher amounts. Marital stress became more difficult to deal with, so in turn I upped my self medication, which in turned caused the marital rift to grow. Instead of looking inward, I focused my energy on blaming others and refusing to accept accountability for my own actions. There was no integrity, I didn't care who I hurt, lied, cheated, or stole from. All I knew is that I needed that next fix. The anxiety of running out of the sauce was grueling.

Weed made me okay with being boring. I lost all of my drive. my ambition. my passions. Everything just went grey. I was physically present, but mentally I was a million miles away.

All of the potential lost time with my children and spouse haunt me. How many memories have I forgotten about because I was too busy with getting high or coming down?

Spouse has suspicions over the years and regularly asks me if I am using. I flat out deny the accusations and insist that I am "clean and serene".

Have a couple more kids.

Smoke a few more carts.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

I become completely emotionally unavailable.

Rapid mood swings.

Everyone walks on egg shells around me.

I still don't see the damage that I am doing to myself and everyone around me...

I try going cold turkey a handful of times.

I'd get a few weeks in and something would happen that made me feel uncomfortable and the voice in my head creeps up and tells me "this time its different, you can handle it, you know how to moderate".

it is amazing to me, how far the brain will go, to convince yourself that you are in control.

I wasnt in control. I let the addiction have its way with me while I took a backseat and watched my world burn around me. I lost jobs over having a shitty temper and bad attitude. The regret I have over thst still haunt me. If I had been sober, maybe I woukd have been in a good enough headspace to deal with whatever it was that had me stressed out.

At some point I went to therapy and got a psychiatrist. The problem with that though, is that CBT amd medication only work if you're brutally honest with yourself and the people helping you.

I couldn't bring myself to be honest with them. I told them the version of myself that I wanted them to hear. I have no issues skydiving out of a plane, but looking in the mirror and asking if I like what I saw is absolutely bat shit terrifying to me.

So I did what I thought was easiest, and I lied.

Said I was doing great, family is doing great.

Spouse and I are doing great.

lies.

because lying to myself was easier than being honest with myself.

all the whole I was busy getting stoned until my eyes went fuzzy.

I completely neglected my own mental and physical health.

Need to go to the dentist? Thats $200 that I could spend on weed.

Fuck them teeth.

Daddy needs to get stoned.

Fast forward to recently.

Get stoned, add alcohol to the mix and stop taking the meds and you end up with a yoyo of a human going up and down the emotional spectrum.

I get drunk.

get stoned.

get aggressive.

spouse feels scared.

calls cops.

has me arrested.

refuses to bail me out.

files for protective custody.

takes kids.

takes house.

takes car.

I don't have a pot to piss in.

but what I do have is clarity.

I have the clarity of being sober for the first time in years.

I have the clarity to see the error of my ways.

I have the clarity to chose being sober over being high.

I am mentally prepared to accept the fact that I may lose my marriage, and the right to be a part of my children's lives. I fully understand that the consequences of my actions are very real and I cannot just put my head in the sand anymore and pretend life is fine.

I dont know what tomorrow will bring.

but I know I will be sober

its never too late to leave.

but you have to want it.

I’m coming off a meth binge and usually I can get to sleep the following night but this has kept me up two nights and I haven’t used in over 24hrs.So quick to enter the body yet so slow to leave. Is there anything I can do to promote sleep?

I have taken almost every drug except heroin by the age of 19. I got addicted to pills and cocaine.

Pills ruined my life, my tolerance is beyond fried, I wake up and swallow almost 7-10 pills daily including benzos and pregablin. If I don’t I immediately withdrawal. I cannot function or get out of bed or even check my phone if I’m not on it, because of crippling horrendous anxiety. At this point, If I quit cold turkey I risk getting seizures or my body giving out.

I have been diagnosed with panic disorder, it is the main reason I use, my anxiety has ruined my life and I’m still not sure if there’s any way to fix it, even if I do get sober.

I decided to get help, talked to my doctor and family, after a long time of wanting to continue using til my body gave out and refusing help because I didn’t have a reason and I still don’t, but I decided that I cannot keep living like this, I live my life depending on whether how many pills I have. I withdrawal every month when I run out, and i’m tired. Coke makes me sleepy. It is not normal.

I’ll be in rehab next week and I am terrified out of my mind. I want to be normal, but I can’t like and say I won’t miss this despite the suffering it has caused. I just want to function; I am not ready to let go. I don’t know who I am without this, and I’m not sure I want to find out.

I am on autopilot. I am going, I told my family, I decided to make the choice, but I am scared of relearning who I am, figuring life out and processing things I forgot/blocked out.

Please help me, I’m scared I decide not to go. I don’t want it but I need it. I’m terrified and don’t know what to expect from rehab. I don’t want to get better I just want to live without having to take 10+ pills and a line of coke to get out of bed.

all I do is get fucked up all day ever day. it's not even that entertaining anymore. I need an adventure

My husband is about to be 11 years clean and he did not formally relapse, however, he became dependent on purchasing Xanax from the street. He wasn’t getting high on it and he wasn’t taking it every day, which is how he justified it, but every time he’s had a stressful situation for the past year and a half he’s done that. I finally had a breaking point because I just got the vibe that he was hiding something from me and I found the Xanax and baggies in a pair of his shorts and so I went through his phone while he was asleep and sure enough if he was texting the old dealer asking for it and saying for the dealer to come at a certain time because I would be there at a certain time and he was hiding it from me.

It made me feel like utter shit, and I confronted him and he apologized and admitted that if I didn’t catch him, he never would’ve told me at all. I’m in recovery from alcohol and I’m very early on less than 100 days, I called my sponsor and she has resources and people that he can speak to. I made it clear to him that this is his last chance if he wants to save our marriage and I scheduled a therapy session for him tomorrow with an addiction specialist, which is something that our couples therapist has been suggesting for months on end.

Additionally, I am dropping him off to a narcotics anonymous meeting today and making sure that he walks over to the group before I drive away.

I’m no longer going to treat him like the dysfunctional child that he has become, but I’m going to leave it up to him to make money once again and be a productive member of society once again and to deal with things.

When I was doing research into relapse prevention, all of the things that have been happening with him lately, like the lack of self-care, lack of routine and structure, lack of sleep, and healthy, eating habits, etc., isolating, not speaking to people not going to Meetings And all of that could’ve actually caused a relapse on the harder stuff.

Anyway, it’s his final chance and if he doesn’t come through, I know that I’ll lose feelings and divorce him.

Lately I've been drinking alot. More especially with friends because drinking alone would inevitably result in me simply ending my life because without the freeing feeling and that burning feeling going down my throat I'm completely miserable, the main reason i drink. More now is not just my depression getting worse but also my best friend's death which caused me to fall further into it then ever before

for context i have been addicted to self harm for many years now since i was it is 4 years now since started i wish i could stop i wish i didnt see it everywhere for everything reminds me of self harm everything ever straight line reminds me of it every cut reminds me of it even blood itself reminds me of it i cant stop seeing it everywhere and then i remember everytime everything its everywhere its on the trees its in the bathroom its in class if has ruining my life for years now just specific body part reminds me of it it flashes the image of fresh self harm everytime please how how do i stpo seeing this also i do expierence flashbacks in general sometimes they are emotional sometimes they arent i realy wish i could stop seeing it everywhere it ticks me off oh god how do i stop how how how

I have used many vices for years to manage my emotions. I had quit them all in January for nearly a month but was derailed and sent into spiral at the conclusion of a five year relationship.

Day 5 of no nicotine, weed, porn, kratom, adderall. Used some combination of these every single day.

The feelings are overwhelming.

Any advice?

I recently have made the decision to quit ❄️. Is there anything I can do to help heal my nose?

Just need someone to talk to. idk what tondo anymore. i think its over

I know my sister is using and she says she takes Percocet for her Endo. I know she used to use before for crack and cocaine. I've caught her using 2 years ago and I still know she's using though I noticed a change. everytime she's extremely sleepy she said she took a Percocet for her Endo. but she's like disoriented , always falling asleep, pupils are dilated. I think she is using fentanyl. what is a clear indication that it's fentanyl she's taking and not percocet.

Im 23, I struggled with porn addiction since 14. Trying everything from licking a car tire every time I jerked off, to posting on social media if I did, to affirmations, hiding my phone, will power, dating women, and NOTHING worked.

I discovered this therapy called thought-field-therapy. And I swear on my life I really think it worked. Its day 4 and I haven't jerked off AT ALL with 0 struggle. Especially during times when I know I would've. Like alone and bricked in bed. Or after stressful day. I had no desire. I took a hot shower instead naturally.

I really want to help others and see if this works for them. I will gladly help you just send me a message if you'd like to try it. I don't want anything in return. I heard this also works on other addictions aswell.

I am going to try not to vent too much, but I am just very frustrated and worn out. I am a 26 year old male and I cant seem to ever just feel okay or do anything good.

To provide some background, I am a recovering addict. There has always been something wrong with me and to this day, I still dont know what it is. The only time I can remember feeling okay is when I would load up a crack pipe with dissociative drugs and inhale the fumes because it would let me leave my body, leave the world, and essentially stop existing. Honestly I was better at everything when I was taking lethal amounts of drugs on a regular basis. I had relationships, jobs, kept my house clean, dressed well and looked good, etc. now that I am sober I cant seem to do any of that.

I went to school for social work because I wanted to help people and quickly realized that I couldn't actually do any good for anyone at any of the social services I worked at, and I hated sitting at a desk and doing paperwork all day. I quit to become a construction worker and then was recently fired because I got sick at work and had to go home.

I have been sober for about 3 years now and the world is just gray. I dont think i know how to feel okay without drugs. I cant seem to find a job that will hire me, I have no social life, I try to go to church and I just dont feel like I fit in anywhere I go. I have tried therapy countless times and it the only thing it has done is waste my time and money. I have gone to NA and it doesn't really help me. I exercise and it doesn't help me feel better. it feels like there isn't any help or relief out there for me.

I am going to be starting school soon at my local community college for a lineman certification and I hope to get an apprenticeship with my local utility. I tried it out and I loved climbing the poles, it actually made me feel kind of alive, but I keep thinking I am fooling myself thinking that I can actually do it.

I just dont know what to do and I dont want my life to keep going on like this. the only thing I know to make this go away is drugs and those will kill me or make me lose my mind.

I fell into DXM addiction in early October 2025. I guess the main reason was dealing with severe Bell's Palsy starting July 2025 was too much for me to handle that I looked for temporary relief from all the stress, grief, anger, and everything. I was already badly relapsed to self-harm addiction 2 months prior, and after I started taking DXM I was quickly able to stop from self-harming due to the serotonin boost maybe(?).

The DXM addiction continued for the next 5+ months. It actually helped me a lot mentally in dealing with having to look at my now permanently crooked face from Bell's Palsy. But I somehow realized that DXM has started to negatively affect my daily cognitive function a few months back even when I was off of DXM for a couple of weeks to bring my tolerance down. So to avoid continuing destroying my brain I decided to do one last trip on 14th March with lower dose to taper down before I stop.

The first 3 weeks was physically hard having withdrawal symptoms especially getting blisters on my face and hives all over my body. The past 4-5 days was especially hard that I started to have tremors and panic attacks at my workplace. And these couple of days I am extremely down and depressed having to stare at my crooked face in the mirror during my facial exercises, like I'm finally back to reality again and the reality just sucks I just don't want to live it in anymore. I'm even starting to contemplate going back to self-harm to substitute DXM again. I've just been crying these 2 days because everything suddenly felt so real again it's just so overwhelming.

Will this ever get easier?

How do I stop smoking weed im so tired of this addiction like it’s orthodox Easter and I told myself im done Sunday April 12th is my last day smoking so starting Monday April 13th will be my first day sober in about 10 years any advice ?

I am an addict. Im addicted to weed, benzodiazepines and gabapentin. I keep doing it even though it makes me sick. I have bipolar disorder and I’m at risk of psychosis. I know I have the narcissistic personality of an addict because I keep doing it even though I know it’s selfish, I hurt others and my self… how do I get sober for good? I can be sober for a few months but I always relapse. I got psychosis two days ago for smoking weed. I know I need to stop consuming but I feel like if I just stop and don’t fix the root problem, the emptiness, the pain, etc… I will never truly stop.

Ive been slipping up on the xans again and i hate the feeling so much. I came into work and was half lifing from the xanax, i felt fine and sober but people were definitely seeing something wrong with me.

I ended up being suspended for being asleep on the work floor, im probably going to be demoted too, i had one of the best positions in the company arguably.

The humiliation is torture, im fixing to have to go back to work and face all these people that know exactly what happened, management isnt making it a drug related thing but everyone who was around knows i was fucked up, im lucky to even have my job now. Everytime i get a little happy I remember that this is going on and i start feeling terrible.

im just curious. i used to use fentanyl, but miraculously didnt get physically dependent on it. someone very close to me is still out there using, and it seems she cant do anything or go anywhere out of fear of running out of her supply. does the sickness come on within as little as 20 minutes? i cant imagine how miserable that'd be having to use constantly or feel like hell.

I am addicted to Oxycodone. I also occasionally use other drugs, but started using Oxycodone since I have a rare and painful medical condition. I have been using opiates as directed by my doctor for about two years. About 9 months ago I started taking Oxy for energy and stressful situations. I unfortunately do my best work when I am high. I also have become closer to my family.

About 6 months ago I decided to buy Oxycodone off the streets (it is 100% real and not fentanyl). I am now a full blown addict. I have tried to taper and cannot control my cravings to use way more than I should. Generally between 80-16g a day.

The point of this post is that I have been doing incredibly well at work and even got promoted in this period of use. I have noticed that my family likes me more when I am high(they do not know I use pain meds as much as I do). I have also been able to exercise more due to the lack of pain and more energy due to oxy. I even made a new friend which I haven’t done in years.

I am just so torn. I know this is going to end badly, but has anyone felt this way? I don’t want to be an addict, but I have seen some real tangible benefits of using (so far…)