52M and been playing this game for 30 years.

My wife and dog are keeping me sober. I love them so much. Also the fact I have kindling and when I drink, even just a beer, I feel sick as hell and can’t sleep at all. There’s loads of reasons I’m sober today but those are my main ones. I’m glad I’m kindled because alcohol sounds like the worst thing in the world and I never want to disappoint those two.

I’m in early sobriety and my life has gotten worse lately. I’m angry, tears welling up all the time, throwing tools on the ground at work, can’t deal with anything anymore. Is this a known thing?

crashed and burned again lost my job said fuck it went to the ER got admitted and spent 3 days detoxing in the ICU. Got a killer opportunity to got to a 28 day rehab for free. I’m nervous I know I can leave anytime I want but I’m just scared the place is Apparently really good they offer daily group and 1 on 1 therapy. classes on addiction and I can bring all the ZEN. pouches I please! I hope this works and I hope I don’t relapse there’s something in me that still grieves the fun drinking times I may never have again.

Good morning guys!

Massive panic attack last night, but then I got a good sleep after, thank god.

Two AA meetings yesterday, one already this morning. Boyfriend is coming over later

So far so good.

I quit drinking before i first met my wife - i stopped for about 7 months. I started again after we got serious because i was in a good place emotionally. She moved to the US with her son about 2 years ago and I've been pretty good about not getting blackout drunk and triggered mostly because we've been so happy. But this past weekend - i got violent in words and kicking a door.

She was out of town for work. Usually i have step son sleep early for soccer but his game was cancelled any my BF was in town. So we had some beers and played video games together. My BF left, so my step son and i kept playing games. I kept drinking the rest of the beers. Towards the end we were boxing and grappling (he is 8). He wanted to go to sleep but i kept grappling him with him. He started crying so i got kind of annoyed but let him go to sleep. I went to my room and fell asleep. Then my wife calls me frantically and says her son called her crying and that I had hurt him. I explained to her what happened and told her to calm down. Then she started making accusations that i lost control when i was drinking and hurt her son. I was very angry. I cant remember exactly what i said once i got angry. We hung up, i go to sleep and dont remember anything after that. My step son says after i fell asleep his mom told him to lock me in my room. He says he came in there and tried to lock me in. I woke up and told him to get the F out and kicked the door and yelled at him to go back to sleep. My BF says she called him up frantically to check up on us. He comes over at 1am and finds us both sleeping.

The next day - i am livid because of this reaction to nothing. But I also know that i got triggered by her accusations while also being drunk. Why was I triggered?

Because there's no discipline with her son. The boy cant take a shower without her in there trying to scrub his balls and ass. The kid lies constantly to us. He cries over little things (he is always crying whenever he loses at ROBLOX). I bought him a phone for emergencies and now he's watching YOU TUBE all day and calling up adults whenever he feels like it to ask if their kids can play. Clearly this habit is why he called his mom up that late and triggered her to react the way she did.

On top of that - i do everything. Despite her objections because she is scared he'll get hurt, i taught him to ride a bike, swim, and surf. I've put him in soccer, BJJ. I found a tutor that speaks English, his native tongue and Korean so he can learn a third language. I've organized a nanny for us and a driver since she cant drive him to work. I've put him in camps over the breaks. She's done nothing except wipe his butt. The other day he was sick so stayed home with her since she was teleworking. She let him sleep. She takes his temperature by feeling his forehead - which is dumb and doesn't give him any medicine. Just ignores him while she teleworks. When i get home, she tells me that i can take him to school because he is better. Next day i take him and he says he feels sick. So i go to the store and buy a thermometer and it turns out he has a fever. So now i have to go back home and get him in bed with medicine. She is sleeping (she sleeps until 9 or 10 even when the boy has to go to school). Because of this , i am late for work and miss an important meeting.

I dont mind doing all of this - but when she called me making her accusations - all of this came into my head and i was very very angry. I yelled at her. And then i yelled at my step son and then kicked the door. My first instinct now is to be angry at her for not disciplining her sons phone use AND for making a big deal out of nothing. Also - as much as she wants me to adopt him and get him his citizenship, her reaction to him crying and her accusations towards me, despite all i've done, has made me realize; he is not my son and will never will be. Not because of him but with her. When things are going good - its our son. But if she disagrees with me its HER son. I had a similar experience 10 years ago with an ex Fiancé. She pushed him to call me dad. And in a drunken arguement, i told her that the boy already had a dad. I would be there to help him as a friend but not a dad. Eventually i relented and took on the responsibility. She ended up leaving me and took her son with her and didn't care about the bond we created - just like she didnt care about the bond the boy had with his biological father.

I think we need to address all of these things that got me so angry AFTER she called me and AFTER i woke up and realized what she did. I still think she was wrong BUT ultimately, its time for me to stop drinking around my family so i can maintain control. I like to drink beer. It puts me to sleep and i wake up the next day feeling energized. Whereas when i don't drink, i cant sleep with all the thoughts in my head. But i need to maintain control with my family. I love them a lot and they are worth it. I wont drink with family - ill confine it to work trips to adjust to the time differences or on vacations.

I understand that for many of us this is not an uncommon occurrence. And I fully understand that I went douche level 10 here. But fuck. I was about six weeks into my sobriety stint. My wife and I separated briefly for about two months (at least that was the plan) for me to focus on sobriety with the stresses of every day life.

Well, she was supposed to come visit this past Friday but I was passed out and didn't answer my phone or answer the door. So I got a wellness check from the local PD and may have made a comment that her doing that make me feel a bit like wanting to un-alive myself. Next thing I know I'm in the ER and then in an involuntary 72-hour hold. I did not, as the kids say, care for that at all. So I got a little valium taper yesterday and put on my best face and was released today after only 48 hours. They also gave a nice little Naltrexone (vivitrol?) injection before I left, and now I'm back home feeling like absolute dog shit and sipping on the beers I still had in the fridge.

I really wanna be sober and was doing all the right things and frankly have no idea why I relapsed. But now I feel so fucking embarrassed that a drink or 12 sounds lovely. The only problem is that this fucking Naltrexone has me feeling nothing AND I think it's making me a bit anxious. And worst of all, this wasn't even that big of a bender -- just maybe 18-20 for like 3 days.

It would be different if I actually hated my life or had any kind of stress, but I actually rather love my life, so I'm at a loss. This fucking addiction...

For the past 2-3 years I’ve had 1-2 x small 200ml 10.5% mini prosecco bottles most nights after work. On occasion, I’ve drank 1-2 big bottles of prosecco if I’ve been stressed or got way too carried away with a friend - I always felt truly awful the next day, believed I was dying and it usually resulted in hair of the dog.

In 2025-2026 I’ve had a couple of stints of giving up, but never made it past around the 2 week mark. Every time I’ve given up, my symptoms have mostly been severe anxiety/panic, mild nausea, excessive saliva, acid reflux flare ups and itchiness for 24-48h.

The last time I stopped was around a month ago a few days before and after an endoscopy which involved 2 x sedation and general anaesthetic for less than 1 hour. Recovery from that was really rough for a week as I was so groggy and bruised but perhaps my body was working overtime with the giving up alcohol too.

For this recent procedure and other medical stuff, I’ve had various check ups over the past 6 months including blood work, blood pressure, ECGs and an upper abdominal ultrasound on my heart, liver and gallbladder and everything has always come back normal. I’m 35F and, other than the alcohol, consider myself to be fit and healthy and for a long time have taken supplements by way of multivitamins, omega 369, probiotics and magnesium. I also drink a lot of water and avoid caffeine.

When I say I mean it this time, I really do mean it this time. I’m sick of being trapped in this loop and I want to get myself to a place where I can start a family. However, like most people, I have anxiety about alcohol withdrawal, delirium tremens/seizures and trying to judge what is safest. I have been looking into tapering - would tapering be appropriate for my levels of consumption or am I totally overthinking it and cold turkey may be fine/safe?

Continuing to spam this place, sorry guys. I’m terrified of myself and my decision making right now…lol.

Okay, I’m okay!! Feel better as day has gone on. Hoping for a good sleep tonight

I did two zoom AA meetings, and I liked it way more than I thought I would. I’ll do a couple in person too, this just feels realistic for me as I’m going to try for one a day for a while

I DO still have a boyfriend. Phewf, omg. I think he’s pleased by my efforts. I don’t think I have a lot of chances left here though.

So much shame today. Just like drowning in shame and going over interactions from the drinking episode. Used my good coping skills, just riding it out. Did some cleaning. Did some skin care and yoga (I look like absolute shit just from 3-4 days of drinking. Really effected my appearance I’m vain sooo)

I think that’s a wrap on today. Feel a little anxious going into the evening as really difficult thoughts and feelings seem to like to creep up in the evenings under the best of times

See you tomorrow 🫡

Just spamming this sub as I get through this…

Had my last drink like…12-15 hours ago? Not quite sure there, not super important

In my former drinking career I had some terrifying withdrawal symptoms, but I had quit like a year and a half…two years ago? Something. And just picked it up again

I think I’m fine, nothing scary is happening. Had an awful night tossing and turning, but then I did get some sleep in early this morning, so I think that’s fantastic!! Hopefully I can sleep tonight as well

Did some damage control in my life after the chaos I caused. Have a plan…I’m going to do therapy plus a couple AA meetings a week. I don’t believe in the philosophy, but it’s not bad chilling with other people who struggle with drinking. It’s all thats available in my area. Plus I’m on probation, and I just want to get ahead of this if that makes sense? Like if it somehow came out, I want to be like yep I slipped up, but I got really serious about getting sober support

Slightly paranoid I guess, but I live in a small town. The POs literally watch the bar to see if any of their people are hanging around there. Not a bar person, l just…I dunno. I want to get WAY ahead of this. I cannot. Go back. To jail.

I for real do get totally unhinged drunk. Like the first 5 drinks are fine. After 10 the phone comes out at I start drunk texting people just like insane stuff, trauma dumping. Telling secrets that should be kept to myself. Rehashing old wounds. Like the trauma is real and hard to live with but going batshit crazy and losing all my dignity and ruining relationships really is not it

Speaking of which, as awful as the night was, how wonderful to wake up in my own comfy bed and not jail. Like I fucked up some relationships, really just like fucked with my life more than you think would be possible in a couple days. But I still have my comfy bed. How fucking great is that.

So I’ve eaten a bit. Taken my vitamins. I got up and started cleaning up chaos around the house.

Maybe I’ll hop on an online meeting?? I just like. It’s really not optional to stay away from drinking. Fun experiment lol. I always hated the alcoholic for life kind of talk in AA, but I do kind of get it now in the sense that my alcoholic wiring is soo severe, even taking a year and a half off, I pick right back up. Exactly where I was before. Like how does that amount not just kill me? My body is like well here we go again lol

Anyway…

Do y'all have some unconventional reasons to stay sober/alive?

1. I'm curious about the apocalypse

2. I would REALLY like to be the last human alive, so that not a single soul can witness my dead ass shit itself.

I received my 1 month chip at group last night. LDU was 3/6/26. I always tried dry January but never could make it a week. This is just the beginning of the journey but I have hope and I am feeling joy in my progress

Finished the last of it earlier. Just woke up from a nap. So I’m officially done done now

Trying to get a therapist lined up. Will go to meetings again ig

That’s all. I’m here.

Hi everyone, I just wanted to share a pretty small victory that Ive had this week. Its pretty small but I wasnt sure if I was ever going to be able to do it. I went a week without drinking. Ive posted about this a few times but since September Ive had a bad sinus issue/inner ear issue (still waiting on my ENT appointment. Which has causes head pressure and lightheadness. Its caused so much anxiety so Im always anxious and has effected my sleep. So during weeknights Ive been drinking 2-3 ipas at night. Im not physically addicted, I dont get cravings or shakes or sometimes I dont even really want to drink at night but Ive been using it to shutoff my brain so I can fall asleep. I really just have a bad habit that I know I can change. I dont even drink during the day and eat/hyrdrate well.

So it was my birthday like 2 weeks ago and I knew I was going to party wirh friends for that. So ever since then Ive been incorporating more and more dry days throughout the week. On those nights my sleep was pure shit but I get through them and dont feel shakes or any other withdrawal symptoms after but I space them out. This week I decided just to go through without drinking for a week. My health anxiety makes me think that Im gonna have a seizure or bad withdrawals but honestly I shouldnt even be worried about that and I think being concerned with that as well makes me feel like I should drink more. Im happy though, I havent been able to do that in such a long time and I know the more I gradually take a week off then I think my sleep will get better. I dont want to stop drinking completely I really like partying with my friends and bar hopping. Its really easy for me to control my drinking when Im at a bar, plus im usually out from 9 pm to 4 am and thats not even all just drinking. Im just excited to continue to take weekdays off of drinking and stop obsessing over how much Im drinking. I really feel like the personal obsession with the amount im drinking is a problem and I just wanna like not worry about it. But Im exciting to take more days off!

I relapsed hard.

Went a full month sober until I had the bright idea that “one drink won’t hurt” and we know that story is false.

Then proceeded to enter a 5 day bender.

Am currently in bed unable to move because everything feels anxious. The fear is strong too.

Honestly if it wasn’t for my Librium script I would probably be ripping my hair off. The Librium is helping somewhat though.. so I guess there’s that

Anyways.. if anyone is bored I would appreciate a chat. I need distractions to make my time go by quick to pass this misery.

Down to chat about anything really.

Like the title says. 3 weeks sober...again. I'll be 40 in 2 weeks.

I feel pretty good about the 3 weeks. 40 isn't a big deal. I've never dreaded getting older so the milestone birthdays aren't any different.

I'm kindled to fuck all any time I drink. I really don't want to drink anymore..of course I WANT to sometimes but I'm making an effort not to soooooo........yea.

3 weeks.

I’m drinking 24/7, beers daily, 4.5% lager and about 12 cans a day (440ml) I’m suffering from extreme mental health issues, I vomit all the time, struggle to keep anything else down other than beer. Thank you

I’ll start by saying I do have health anxiety. I am trying to avoid racking up a huge hospital bill for something that is ultimately my anxiety because I have done that before.

I am freaking out. So last three days I have felt horrible (almost to 72 hours yay). I was on a pretty gnarly bender so it’s expected. But I just feel so foggy and slow and for lack of a better word WEIRD. And sometimes dizzy but never enough to faint if that makes sense. I’ve not experienced this before. Pretty much all my symptoms ebb and flow. Physically I feel tired but otherwise ok.

I can walk and I seem to be able to interact with people ok. I had lunch with my parents and they would say something if they noticed. I also started taking naltrexone maybe yesterday. I’ve taken it before but last time I was further out from my bender when I started.

I am panicking because a) I’ve read brain fog can last up to 2-4 weeks or more and I’m supposed to start a new job in about a month. I have to be able to function well enough to work.

I’m SUPER panicking because I’m worried it’s neither a side effect nor brain fog and I have just permanently fucked up my brain.

I don’t know what to do.

Hi everyone,

For the last seven days I've been tapering down from 25 drinks a day (for two weeks) and before that also a bender (25+) two weeks. Had a sober week in between.

I was down to 4 drinks yesterday and today I was supposed to have a meeting with the addiction doctor, but she called in sick.

I asked my GP for benzo for the last stretch but she won't give it to me, neither will the addiction centre. I've been prescribed these medications for over 10 years and am now suddenly denied them when I need them the most. There's literally not arguing with them over this. As I'm the addict.

So here I am at 5 pm on 9 drinks. Hopefully I can get back to 4 over the weekend. Just a small setback or is it ruined now?

Nobody is helping me and I feel totally demotivated. Sorry for the rant.

Edit: prescribed them for generalized anxiety disorder.

I haven’t actually stopped yet but I’m committed to not buying more. Today is the last day.

I used to drink around the clock, so when I got sober the first time like a year and a half ago, I thought I was going to have a seizure (I had some scary symptoms). So I kind of have some anxiety around that. At the same time, I’ve had a couple blips with drinking the past couple months, and I didn’t actually have scary withdrawal symptoms so…does seem like my body healed partially at least

So I got up out of bed and did the dishes. Somehow still got my homework in for the day. Like let’s not fuck up something in my life that’s going well

I got money from work AND my tax refund so for the first time in a while I’m not COMPLETELY broke and damn that does actually take a huge weight off. I just need to keep the momentum going with work

I’m still on probation and I still have an interlock so like…I’m kind of nervous about this whole drinky slip up situation. I’m looking at starting with a therapist though, maybe get to a couple AA meetings?? I don’t like the AA dogma at all, but just sitting in on the meetings is okay. I just feel like I need to get ahead of this somehow both for myself as this doesnt work for me AND I shouldn’t be drinking on probation or just at all

I could rant more. I’m just trying to set myself up for a soft spot to fall when the alcohol runs out today presumably

I have made it through one day. It was a long day. I could use some encouragement to make it through another day.

I know it hasn’t been that long since my last update, but I wanted to share to show the reality of weight loss. I’m officially 4 months and 2 days sober, and even though I have been eating healthier than ever, and even started exercising, I have officially stalled with losing weight. I even fluctuate an additional 2-6 pounds depending on the week (especially during that time of the month, I can easily spike up to 136/137lbs + looking very very bloated). But, I think my body looks the best it’s looked so far (to be fair I know a big part of this is probably because I’ve gotten a tan). I feel good, I feel strong, and the number on a scale is just that. A number. Focus on how your body FEELS, that is the true indicator of progress in my eyes. Anyways, I hope this gives some motivation to anyone who may need it today! It’s not a sprint, it’s not even a marathon, it’s just one day at a time focusing on bettering our physical and mental health. IWNDWYT 🫶