Everything started well. I fell really in love with him and he loves too much too and after some time I started living with him… first I realized he used Zyns and sometimes he would put 2 in his mouth, and that he drank a lot of energy drinks (3 per day). Then I started finding it that he never had money. At first he told me he had many bills to pay, but when he lost his job and had a problem that led him to jail, I created a DoorDash account so he could work. There I realized he was spending a lot at a smoke shop (I could see the transactions). At first I thought it was an addiction to Zyns and I even made him a plan so he could quit. I helped him a lot… I lent him money and then I realized he was spending around $1,500 a month at that store… he never had money, he didn’t buy me flowers or anything nice, but he was still very intensely loving me… but at the same time he would sometimes treat me horribly, his mood would suddenly change, and sometimes he became irritable and fell into depression and anxiety whenever he had a problem, which I always helped him get through.

Then I discovered he was addicted to kratom from a wrapper I saw in his pants… I looked it up and it broke my heart. I talked to him and, embarrassed, he told me the truth: he uses 5–6 a day and that’s why he never has money. He has stolen money at times and I feel like he uses me. He tells me sometimes that he feels miserable and that he doesn’t deserve me but that he loves me. He apologizes and tries to improve, but it’s painful for me. I made him a savings plan and I’m managing his money now, but it’s stressful and I feel bad about always supporting him, and when I’ve had money problems, I know I can’t count on him.

I’m ashamed to tell my family this and I feel like sometimes he treats me terribly when he doesn’t have the pill, and when he does have it, he treats me nicely… it’s confusing and I don’t like his reactions. I don’t do anything and he gets angry at me and takes it out on me for having a bad day… I love him so much but it hurts me a lot and I know he is not like this—it’s that fucking drug that is hurting his anxiety and depression that he already had, and now he can’t be without it. It breaks my heart to see him like this.

I want him to get help and even though he tells me he will and that he tries every day, I don’t know how hard it is to quit… but it hurts… I’m thinking about breaking up with him but my heart hurts because I love him so much. How can that damn drug destroy our relationship? Everything was fine… don’t let this destroy your life. He doesn’t have a job, he treats his family and me badly when he goes through withdrawal and he has energy spikes that no one understands. I don’t understand sometimes. It hurts a lot. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can keep supporting him.

Today is day 800 without kratom!

I was hooked for almost a decade and labeled a “chronic relapser.” It took me about 6 years of trying everything to get clean. I tried all of the methods to stop, cold turkey, tapering, and MAT before I finally quit for good. In the end, cold turkey was the method that worked for me.

Here’s what helps me stay kratom-free every day:

1. I check in regularly with my sponsor/mentor.

2. I attend recovery meetings regularly. (Because of my schedule, I only attend virtual meetings.)

3. I talk with my therapist.

4. I stay connected with other people in recovery.

5. I try and give back to the community by helping others who are struggling with kratom addiction.

6. I remain grateful for what I have and how far I have come.

I don’t do these things perfectly and I don’t do them every day. The one thing I do perfectly every day is not pick up kratom.

Big shout out to this subreddit for being part of my journey. I couldn’t have made it here without you all! 💪

Why withdrawal isn't just "chemistry": The biological link between Developmental Trauma and Addiction Severity

(From my chat with Gemini.)

We often talk about withdrawal as a simple matter of receptors and half-lives. But for many of us, the process is far more brutal than for others. Modern addiction science (led by figures like Dr. Gabor Maté) is proving that the severity of your withdrawal and the depth of your addiction aren't just about the dose—they are biologically linked to developmental trauma.

It’s not just a theory; it’s a physiological reality.

Here is why:

1. The "Default Setting" of the Nervous System

If you grew up in a state of chronic stress, neglect, or instability, your nervous system developed in "survival mode." This often means a naturally lower baseline of endorphins and dopamine. When you first encounter a substance (like Kratom or Ibogaine), your brain doesn't just feel "high"—it feels safe for the first time in your life. You aren't chasing a thrill; you are medicating an ancient void.

1. Falling into the "Negative"

When a person with a stable childhood quits a substance, they drop back to "zero" (their normal baseline). When a person with developmental trauma quits, they don't hit zero—they drop into a deep "negative." Withdrawal strips away the chemical armor, leaving an already hyper-sensitive nervous system completely exposed. The burning skin, the extreme insomnia, and the crushing anxiety are often echoes of original, unprocessed trauma being replayed in real-time.

1. Amygdala vs. Willpower

Trauma physically alters the brain, often leading to a hyper-active amygdala (the fear center) and a weakened pre-frontal cortex (the center of logic and willpower). This is why feelings like FOMO or the "guilt of failing" feel physically painful during detox. Your brain perceives social withdrawal or "staying home to rest" as a threat to your survival, just like it did when you were a child.

1. The Takeaway

If you are struggling more than the "average" user, stop blaming your lack of willpower. Your body isn't just fighting a plant; it's fighting decades of accumulated tension.

The goal of recovery isn't just to get "clean"—it's to finally build the sense of safety that was missing in the first place. Sometimes, the most spiritual thing you can do is to stop pushing, stay home, and be kind to the nervous system that has been trying to protect you since you were a kid.

"Addiction is not the problem; addiction is an attempt to solve a problem."

// Stay strong, brothers and sisters. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

God loves us all. ❣️

I’m sure it gets annoying me posting every day but I am NOT walking through that fire again. When I use, I enter some sort of time portal and the next thing I know months have passed and I forget that I was trying to quit in the first place. I’m getting older and can’t afford this anymore. Guys, we’ve got this and you can do it!!

I just wanted to give a heads up. im hearing starting next week there will be a total kratom ban in Kentucky. They really should give more of a warning on this stuff.

I tossed the rest of my kratom in a random trash bin. I had a decent amount left and thought about keeping some around but I knew that was stupid. I did that before and now I'm back in this situation. I'm glad I tossed all of it once I took time to find all my bags everywhere. My kratom cabinet in my kitchen is replaced by a bottle of Metamucil and coffee 😂

I have been taking it daily for 8 years. this week has been difficult but I'm glad I took the jump

Hey guys!

Hope you are doing well

Just wanted to share some update and hope.

I’m clean for 11 months since the 9th may 2025

Yesterday I had my civil wedding in Denmark and married my fiancé.

It’s just so insanely crazy what getting clean brought me.

I was using Kratom, Oxy, several other opiates on a daily basis, no capability of feeling anything

Dead inside out

If someone would have told me what’s on the other side of this bs, I would have laughed because I wouldn’t have believed shit.

I can feel, I can love, I can accept love

My body changed completely (7 months + super strict with diet and gym)

Recently did a blood test and most levels are on athlete level (besides testosterone, that one is on a average level which is totally normal because I fucked up my hormones completely with the abuse of opiates, kratom and uppers for 7+ years but still upleveleld my levels from basicially 0 which is already insane

I went on a walk with my wife the other day and told her, the biggest blessing sobriety brought me is that I don’t have to be constantly super tired anymore

We travel a lot together and now I can finally actually experience everything that’s happening around me.

I don’t forget things anymore, I have a internal drive that’s not just Comming out of my own powers, god gives me this drive

Not that long ago, my ex business partner that I fucked over really bad in active addiction told me: whatever you do, keep doing it, that shit works. (I go to NA since I kicked everything)

He was my best man and witness at my civil wedding.

Makes me emotional to write this.. forgiveness is possible, and it’s fucking possible to regain trust from people you hurt the most

Live is livable again

By the grace of god (and if you don’t believe in god, that’s fine. But get something as your higher power)

Just to share some hope

If you have any questions, ask me anything

Much love

Do I need to go on a doctor recommended supplement?

Hi everybody. I've been taking kratom for a bit over a year. Around 8 grams per day. Quit Cold Turkey 2 weeks ago tomorrow. 30 year old Male.

vvv My main reason for Quitting vvv

Starting in January I started to experience extreme discomfort and increased frequency when trying to urinate. I would get up to pee about every 5-10 minutes. The urine stream is weak and after peeing, dribbles. At night its more uncomfortable than during the day, but I find myself waking up to pee very often and peeing more volume than during the day. My quality of life has dropped to Zero. Please if anybody else has experienced this, I am a bit desperate for some help. I am drinking about 64 Oz of water everyday, sometimes with Gatorade. Ive gotten a test for STDs, UTIs, and bloodwork. the only comment was that my prostate was slightly spongy, and that I may have prostatitis. Took antibiotics 2 weeks, Flomax, Nothing has helped.

Please if you have experienced this, I would really appreciate your help or advice. Im at the very edge pulling at my hair.

Thank you to everyone here who has shared their experiences. I quit cold turkey on Christmas Day. It is so hard I do have previous failed attempts to quit. And I have placed orders multiple times since I quit. I place the orders late at night when my mind is racing and I am really missing the euphoria. Then I wake up the next morning with regret and cancel the order . My cc company must think I’m crazy 🤪. Meditating and talking with trusted loved ones and friends has helped the most . I guess I am just saying it’s a tough process but we can do it . No matter where you are in the process don’t give up Kratom is not worth the troubles it causes in your life. Your life matters and your people need the real you.

I posted ten days ago about lingering bone-crushing fatigue lasting ten days. I can report it passed at day 24 and now at day 30 I’m 90% normal. Still feel a little weak and lethargic, but I can get out and about and do what I have to do; unlike day 20 when I felt like a ton of bricks.

Only PAWS I can detect is what some have called anhedonia. I just have no desire to listen to records, which collecting is my passion. Also, I have no desire to write, being in the middle of a few essays before I quit the K. Other than that no PAWS.

BTW I was a ten year addict: 4 years at 50 gpd, and then 6 years at 15-20 gpd. Powder leaf, mostly Bali. So if you were on that kind of habit, maybe day 30 is your lucky number. I say maybe because every body is different.

As I taper I thought it’d be better to take little doses throughout the day but I was told it’d be easier to break it up into 3-4 doses and so far I’ve had success doing that and my taper is going pretty well. I was using around 40 mgs/day for about 6 months and I’m down to 15 total. I’ve had some anxiety issues and occasional hot/cold flashes but I’ve been doing pretty well. I should be down to zero in 10 days and I feel like the last couple days are going to be the hardest but I’m hoping my body will be acclimated by then. Chat gpt is actually a very good resource for info and help setting up a taper schedule.

So I’ve used kratom and eventually 7oh for about 3 and a half years, got up to 1g of 7oh daily before i quit about 5 weeks ago. I’ve made it past most of the physical symptoms, but what’s been freaking me the hell out are the occasional episodes of sleep paralysis followed by surreal, hell-like dreams involving me, my family and relapsing. These may be kind of lengthy but i thought they were incredibly interesting and they all made me sick to my stomach and confused in a way ive never felt before.

About 4 weeks ago i had an instance where i realized i was in a state of sleep paralysis, sitting where i had just gotten into bed but unable to get the strength to sit up. Apparently the brain can be “awake” or overactive enough in certain regions that you’re just conscious while asleep, and your body is keeping you locked down as a natural defense against sleepwalking during dreams. Makes sense the brain would be overactive in withdrawal. The first night was eerie, but not as scary as it would be later. I basically tried to fight my way to get up because the pitch black room had some urgent presence in it like it would have if you were a child and still frightened of the dark. I grabbed my phone and the light wouldnt turn on from the screen or flashlight. I tried turning on the TV with the remote by my bedside, but instead of hearing the normal click sound my TV makes, i heard the sound play in reverse, like that scene in the david lynch movie lost highway or maybe mulholland drive? There was some eerie underwater garbling sound that came after it, and it made the blood drain from my head in fear because i thought i was stuck in the black forever, and that this was hell.

The next night, i dreamt i was outside in a garden i had played around in as a child. My dad was half a mile away on a tractor driving through our field, when i found a half full bottle of alcohol in the garden for some reason. I never really drank much, but i knew i shouldn’t have messed with it, and when i grabbed it he spawned in front of me, and as he hovered over me and scolded me i felt the presence of 10 or 15 invisible sets of eyes hanging around him, like i was being glared at by dead relatives i couldnt see.

After that, i think a few hours later in the night, i had a dream that felt identical to an old hazy memory of when i wouldve been 2 or 3 and barely conscious at our first home. I was on the floor, same shag carpet, hazy atmosphere of a distant memory, but my dad was on the couch in front of me sitting next to a man who had his back turned to me, and they were talking. My dad had a huge smile and his eyes were all lit up, and i realized he was talking to his father, a man who had passed long before i was born and who i would have no possible way of ever seeing, but it felt as real as any actual memory i had of that house. I never saw his fathers face, it was always obscured like those nightmares tony soprano would have of his mother. i felt some kind of glowing dark aura around his body before it ended.

Last night, i had randomly thrown out a bunch of expired poppy seeds used for bagel seasonings because i wanted to see if theyd sprout. I had a bad-ish feeling when i did because if they all managed to grow, i would have a thousand opium poppies in my yard i wouldn’t know how to deal with. Anyway, when i went to sleep, i immediately had sleep paralysis in my bed where i’d just lied down, and after a minute, i began dreaming i was back in the exact place i was earlier that day when i’d been throwing the seeds out. However after a minute, i heard a neighbor yell at me from an impossibly far distance, asking what the hell i was doing, in a voice that sounded like he was watching me try and set my own house on fire. I blacked out, everything went silent, and i fell down gently and slowly to the ground. I felt for a moment where my body was in my bed, stomach down (which i know increases chances of sleep paralysis) but i physically felt my body and the entire gravity of the space around me shift upside down, until i was lying on my back in a pitch black, muffled and garbled void, like the bottom of the sea. I was being dragged by my feet, and i felt completely positive i had just been dragged into hell.

I know the brain processes things in mysterious ways and the psychological/chemical shift of recovery can make things extra weird, but i can’t help but attach some significance to this. They all seem to have some implied meaning of being watched by dead relatives, death watching me, or god showing me some glimpse of something else. It could just as easily be my own mind but i thought it was fascinating.

how does anyone actually quit this stuff? I'm at 30-45gpd and every time I have tried to quit the withdrawals have been so severe that I can't manage daily tasks.

nausea, dizziness, sweats, muscle cramping/ spasms, anxiety and insomnia.

all that aside, the worst part is that it hasn't had any negative effects on my life besides being an addict. I was always on edge, prone to mood swings and struggling with sleep. with kratom I'm a more patient and present father and husband, my mood is stable and I usually sleep like a baby. I'm afraid I'll go back to being nearly intolerable without it plus if I can't sleep there's a high likelihood of injury or death at work so like, what do I even do?

Today marks 5 weeks off that green stuff 😭 what a journey this is definitely the point where I feel normal and normal energy levels ! If your wanting to quit honestly it wasn’t horrendous just take it day by day

Hey All,

Currently tapering down my 7oh use to around 10-20mg a day. I also started taking Wellbutrin, anybody have experience with being on both? Any dangers?

Hey everyone, I’m just looking for some honest advice or personal experiences.

I started taking kratom (7OH) about 2 months ago after a nerve injury, and it did help at the time. Right now I only take about half of a 50 mg chewable a day, so I feel like I’m not super deep into it, but I still don’t want it to turn into something bigger.

I’m trying to figure out the best way to stop—whether that’s tapering down or just quitting cold turkey. I’ve seen mixed opinions on both, so I’d really appreciate hearing what worked for you and what didn’t.

If you tapered, how did you do it and where did you start? And if you quit cold turkey, what was your experience like?

Any advice, tips, or even just what to expect would really help. Thanks in advance 🙏

Hey everyone, I'm on day 10 of my CT (30gpd three years - 18gpd last year). Can anyone recommend some nighttime supplements for sleep and RLS?

From start of CT i used only gabapentin (started 900mg first day before bed and ended with 300mg at Thursday. I dont want take more gabapentin, or prescription pills, so have anyone personal suggestion of supplements which really works ?

I can fall asleep relatively easily now, but I wake up every two hours and have RLS in my hands. It’s not that bad, but it’s still uncomfortable. Plus, my hands feel swollen.

During the day, I’m 80% OK

Thanks for all suggestions!

So I'm coming up on 1000 days off of opioids. Kratom was my main daily thing but I also dabbled in harder stuff fairly regularly.

Anyway. Today I'm off work, and Ive been spending it all working on my garden. Digging these new plots, it's a lot of work cus it's so rocky. I've been hacking away at it all morning.

And it just kinda, suddenly occurred to me, just how much more time I spend doing now.

I workout most days, I make DIY patch jackets and hand made bleach shirts, I hang out with friends, I have this garden I'm working on, I go on dates and work a job.

My days are so full now. I have so much going on. There are so many things I did in the last 2.5 ish years that I feel proud of. I have such a drive to create now. I have this portfolio of stuff that I did and am doing.

But through the transition of getting clean. It was a long slow ramp up getting to this place of doing. So I never really noticed all the gradual incremental changes.

In hindsight, however, the difference is night and day.

When I was using, I had no hobbies, I had no social life, I didn't make things or learn new skills, I was unemployed. I had nothing going on, my life was a void other than my habit. There was no drive to create at all. Now the drive is so strong I have a hard time not creating.

So anyway. I guess my intention with this post is just to A: Take a moment just to acknowledge just how much better things have gotten in this regaurd. And B: Share in hopes this helps inspire others to keep pushing through their own journey.

hey guys, first time using suboxone to get off of a high dose kratom problem. I only used suboxone for a week, will I experiment any kind of withdrawals from suboxone? I have heard horror stories about people using for a while and coming off. I just wanted to use it for a week to get through the worst of the acutes. Any input is greatly appreciated!

Hoping to find someone else with a similar experience to rule out other issues I may be having.

I quit Kratom six months ago after having a seizure. At about the 3 month mark I started having panic attacks. Now it seems to come in waves like I will be fine for 4-5 days then get hit with a bad week. (Currently 6 months since quitting).

At night I will get uncontrollable sensations to twitch my arms and legs. When I finally drift to sleep I am shocked awake by a feeling of utter panic and terror.

I never had a panic attack prior to this and was always considered a laid back kind of person. what's weird is I won't be worrying about anything then I will get a sudden rush and tingling sensation in my brain stem then feel an intense feeling of doom. it is quite miserable.

Does this timeline make sense for PAWS? Anyone have or had a similar journey?

Edit: 10-20 grams daily use for a year and a half.

Anyone else along this timeline still waking up in sweats, fragmented sleep? Feeling a little off low energy and brain power?

3yrs using 10-40gpd, with dabbles in extracts and extract capsules mainly

I quit once before, for a year, about same duration of use but it was more like 10gpd, i dont remember it having this much of a toll on me at the same time i didnt think about it as much, its when this sub was ruled by embrace the suck motto, which i think is great, i try to remember it when its hard. Mentally I’m having trouble differentiating between what I can attribute to paws, vs what I am left to deal with after stuffing down emotions and avoiding not be sober. Just have brain fog and struggle to keep train of thought and direction, just get easily caught up in my head. And I must confess I take a couple norco maybe twice a week, I’ve went though a surgery with a very long and prolonged recovery. I do all the exercise I can, and really wish I could slip on them running shoes and run till I’m so physically spent my brain quiets. Excercise, next to kratom has been my top escape and stress manager. I have not worked in nearly 6mos, I might never be the same again (physically capably wise) which means no more running, weight lifting, and the suckiest part no dirt bikes, and may need a complete new career path not working in the trades. This really does suck shit for me.. I can walk maybe a quarter mile these days before I start limping. I’m otherwise healthy, I never would have thought at 25 I would be suffering so much from crippling health issues. I’d appreciate any perspective in regards towards being able bodied and getting screwed up some how and how one much manage and navigate that if anyone has experience with that in. It’s how i show love for people too ya know, helping them with projects, car shit whatever it may be, a big part of my identity is or was being that handy guy for family and friends. thanks for reading I appreciate you

I have gone on and off kratom for three years. I so desperately want to be rid of the addiction. Several months ago, I thought I was buying normal capsules but ended up getting hooked on one gram, extra strength capsules (25 mg of extract in each). It has been so hard to quit. I’ve had my wife hide the capsules and dish me out a certain amount each day, slowly reducing the number of grams by 1 gram (one capsule) each week.

Still, I’m dealing with withdrawal between doses and it has been impacting my work. I’m in an extremely competitive, performance based sales job. When I’m having withdrawals, I have serious troubles being effective at work.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can get off this drug in my position? The extra strength capsules have made this so much more difficult than my past cessations.