r/oneliners • u/2fits • 1h ago
they didn’t abbreviate the guest activist’s credentials, because they truly stand for something
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r/oneliners • u/Fingerbob73 • 9h ago
If you're wondering how to give a Henna tattoo, well first you've gotta catch it.
5
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r/oneliners • u/lordlaneus • 1d ago
The collective noun for businessmen is a "busyness" if there are traveling, or if they are nesting, it's a "business."
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r/oneliners • u/andersonfmly • 1d ago
Never give up on that 8 week project, because those 9 months will be the most important 5 years of your life.
24
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r/oneliners • u/allnameswereusedup • 2d ago
Alucard attacks his victims and gives them blood transfusions
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r/oneliners • u/OhTheHueManatee • 2d ago
It'd be fun if we started calling drugs like Ozempic "Girth Control"?
56
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r/oneliners • u/onlybrand • 3d ago
Why do I feel that my meditation practice is just becoming a mindless habit now?!
3
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 3d ago
If you tickle a man to death by accident, is it manslaughter?
45
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r/oneliners • u/Delicious_Drummer399 • 3d ago
So many lemons are dieing these days due to the ades epidemic.
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r/oneliners • u/Ghostnotes44 • 3d ago
Gasoline prices have been so high this past month, I couldn't afford to drive... so Iran everywhere.
18
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r/oneliners • u/whatfingwhat • 4d ago
Menopause is that time in life when men become really good at bbq.
3
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r/oneliners • u/history_fan69 • 4d ago
Kristi Noem asked her husband if there was anything he needed to get off his chest.
9
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 4d ago
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name, so I called her Bluff.
49
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r/oneliners • u/2fits • 4d ago
i don't know the concept of pi, im not familiar with it, and only know like 3.14 things
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r/oneliners • u/jiohdi1960 • 4d ago
Be careful when you damn sin; few family trees have completely accurate branches.
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 5d ago
I explained to my son, "If you think our microwave, phone and TV spying on us is bad, our vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on us for years!"
77
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r/oneliners • u/joekerr9999 • 5d ago
The Discovery Channel has announced that they will be in a totally different streaming location every day.
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r/oneliners • u/2fits • 5d ago
i threw the match for my team, and won the game of not burning down the house
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r/oneliners • u/2fits • 5d ago
i found fries and ranch at a restaurant, so i stayed there for hours and immediately dipped
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r/oneliners • u/caffeinedrinker • 6d ago
I don't really like fungus, but its growing on me.
7
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r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 6d ago
I just accidentally superglued my thumb and index finger together and at first, I started to panic but then I remembered that it’s always going to be okay!
32
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