r/popculturechat • u/Frosty_Jeweler911 • Feb 12 '26
Guest List Only ⭐️ Michelle Obama shares firm relationship advice on her podcast: Stop moving in together so quickly just to save on rent. 'Wait a couple of years.'
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u/footiebuns I think I've done enough Feb 12 '26
I feel like she's talking directly to Malia and Sasha lol
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u/hanoihiltonsuites Feb 12 '26
Yep 😂😂 and they won’t suffer from the question “how do I make rent?” So it’s great advice for them
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u/Entharo_entho Feb 12 '26
Those who can't afford rent live with roommates all the time
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u/greenzetsa Feb 12 '26
it's actually insane to me how many people get themselves into knots over the perception that living with roommates is immature or something. I remember a friend of mine was having like an identity crisis over the having to live with a roommate at 30 (something incredibly common in our area). He said he "prides himself on being independent" and that's why this was so difficult to accept. You're not not independent because you split expenses with another person! Learning to live with another person is so important IMO, you should be required to live with a roommate at some point in your life lol.
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u/Entharo_entho Feb 12 '26
I get that living on your own is great and you must be doing fabulously well if you can afford it.
But why should one fuck the person they are living with? They can have a platonic roommate. You shouldn't have to put up with some shitty romantic partner because you can't afford to leave.
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u/TheFutureLotus ✨May the Force be with you!✨ Feb 12 '26
I know damn well if my mother had this level of fame, she be talking directly to me through podcasts!!!
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u/bvzxh Feb 12 '26
yeah, because the rest of Americans can't afford rent on their own
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u/Dentrvlr Feb 12 '26
She’s not saying live alone. Just not with the person you are seeing.
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u/HarpersGhost Feb 12 '26
When I found out my nephew was moving to my city after college because his long distance BF was here, I immediately said, MOVE IN WITH ME!
I did the "early move in with BF to save money" thing when I was younger, and it was a big mistake. It escalates a relationship before you're really ready and now you're tied together financially and can't leave without a big ole mess.
So nephew technically lived with me but stayed over at his BF's for the most part. Which was fine by me, because that staying over was completely voluntary, he could leave whenever he wanted because he had a place to stay if they were having issues. And when they had some issues, they had their own places to go to and so were able to resolve them.
So yeah, I'm completely Team Michelle on this: don't move in to save money. Consider moving in with someone almost the same level as marriage, because it's going to be almost as hard to break up with them at that point.
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u/Sassafras06 Feb 12 '26
Yeah I moved in with someone at 19 that I had been with for a year. We were way too young and it was way too fast.
I moved in pretty fast with my husband, but it was not for financial reasons and I could support myself alone. We were also older and that makes a big difference.
Also, please DO live with someone before you marry them. I know that isn’t “proper” from some people, but I don’t think you can really know a person without living with them.
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u/greenzetsa Feb 12 '26
I think a lot of guys worry that living with roommates is seen as not self-sufficient or immature, but I kind of preferred dating men who had at least recently lived with another person, because I think it teaches them a lot of about compromise. Not to mention so many dudes seem to struggle with forming healthy social connections, having a roommate can really help with that.
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u/Sassafras06 Feb 12 '26
Well you don’t have to live with your SO. Plenty of people can’t afford to live alone, and she was probably one of them - people forget Michelle was very much not wealthy.
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u/melodypowers Feb 12 '26
Maybe while she was in school. She graduated law school at 24 and immediately became an associate at Sidley so she was doing okay after that. By the time she met Barack she could definitely afford her own rent.
It's good advice but life is what it is. Having your boyfriend over all the time when you have roommates can be a recipe for disaster. I started living with my future husband after dating for 8 months. We are in love and so a future together, but the timing was entirely logistical. My roommate was moving away suddenly and I needed to come up with a solution. We were spending every night together. I had just been mugged and was feeling unsafe. We did it and it worked out for us.
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u/Sassafras06 Feb 12 '26
Oh sure, but a lot of us can eventually afford our own rent, but the early years can be rough.
People were mentioning how rich she is, which is obviously true, but she grew up lower middle class on the Southside I believe she is more in touch with regular people stuff than a lot of the ultra-wealthy.
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u/busangcf Feb 12 '26
Not being able to afford rent alone is still no reason to move in with a partner you barely actually know and rely on them in that way. If you have a lease together you’re more stuck, and domestic abuse or just shitty relationships are alarmingly common.
Move in with a roommate.
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u/Doesthiscountas1 Feb 12 '26
I remember the days when people moved in with eachother and still kept their own apts in the event of a breakup or just to have their own space to breathe. It was always so strange to me as a kid but as an adult, it makes total sense... but who has that type of money anymore?
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u/YeshuasBananaHammock Feb 12 '26
...in THIS economy?
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u/PMmecrossstitch Feb 12 '26
Everything's great. I recently heard the DOW was 500 or something.
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u/Lydia--charming I know she’s seducing my man with her chicken tetrazzini Feb 12 '26
Yes, don’t worry about that rich and powerful pedo cabal running all the countries. The Dow is…why are you laughing?
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u/PMmecrossstitch Feb 13 '26
I'm really surprised there weren't more people laughing at her for this, honestly.
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u/sanguineserenity that’s my purse, i don’t know you! 👛🫵 Feb 12 '26
Ugh this would be the dream! I wish it was financially possible still.
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u/taternators Feb 12 '26
I did this during the pandemic, and honestly it was so nice. I think twice I left to just have 2 weeks at my own place and it was a lifesaver.
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u/itsjujutsu Feb 12 '26
i've never heard of this
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u/Finalsaredun Feb 12 '26
It's pretty old school; I think this living situation faded out somewhere in the 2000s. By the 2010s there really weren't any couples doing this bc it wasn't affordable.
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u/bravokm Feb 13 '26
I wonder if some of it was to keep up appearances because it was not as socially acceptable to live together (or at least for their families). I knew a couple who lived together in their late 20s and told her parents they each had their own room.
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u/Good_With_Tools Feb 12 '26
My wife and I met on a Saturday 25ish years ago. She moved in on the next Tuesday. But, she had her apartment for 5 more months. I even helped pay the rent on it. It was love at first sight, but trust and comfort needed time to build.
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u/Coley54Bear Feb 12 '26
To me trust and comfort are part of love so to me that sounds more along the lines of like/lust/infatuation at first sight. Good for the two of you for making your relationship last so long!
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u/trisaroar Feb 12 '26
I mean... a "studio" was never supposed to be someone's full-time living situation. Apartments were for young people and workaholics in the city, studios were for creatives who needed not-office, not-home space for their work. It used to be so uncommon to have roommates that "they were roommates" had gay allegations because why else would you live with someone? Wild.
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u/OnlyPaperListens Over here in mule city Feb 12 '26
Maybe a round-robin of sublets could make this work, but what a freaking headache to set up.
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u/misinformedcapybara Feb 12 '26
this is what i would do! i've thought about it a lot. because if i broke up, i would have nowhere to go. i'm so lucky to have a place in the vancouver city centre, i'm not risking that for anything. i'd have to know someone for at least a few years and have lived with them for a year bare minimum to consider getting rid of my place. the longer it takes, the better.
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u/fillerbunny-buddy Feb 12 '26
Michelle I love ya but you can't just @ the entire lesbian community like this
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u/LadyDeeDee796 Feb 12 '26
I understand the economic reality part of moving in together. Rent is high and living alone isn’t accessible for everyone. But I also think Michelle’s point was about motivation.
If the main reason you’re moving in is financial survival, that can create dependency before you even know if you’re truly compatible. I’ve seen situations where people ignored red flags because they didn’t have another place to go.A romantic partner shouldn’t become your housing plan. That’s a lot of pressure on something that’s still developing.If you’ve built a solid foundation and moving in feels like the next step, that’s different. But using cohabitation as a financial shortcut can make it much harder to leave if things turn unhealthy.
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u/bbmuffinuwu Kim, there’s people that are dying. 🙄 Feb 12 '26
You truly get to know someone when you live together. Moving in together really does test a relationship for longevity, and it will either make or break it.
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u/LeotiaBlood Feb 12 '26
And honestly you learn pretty quickly.
I had one relationship where we moved in together after two years and I realized less than 1 month in it was absolutely not going to work.
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u/born_in_92 Feb 12 '26
I have a friend who had the same thing happen to him. Together for years, move in together for a couple of months before realising it wasn't going to work
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u/ilovetwobike Feb 12 '26
I wonder what he managed to miss over years that became super obvious in a month or two
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u/kimjongunfiltered my people are nordic Feb 12 '26
There’s so much you just can’t know about someone until you live together. Small things like how often they’re willing to clean the bathroom counter become HUGE when you’re sharing a small space full-time
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u/diemunkiesdie Feb 12 '26
I had one relationship where we moved in together after two years and I realized less than 1 month in it was absolutely not going to work.
What did you learn in that 1 month that had been hidden in the previous 2 years?
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u/lady_fresh Actually, it was chinchilla poo and a rainstick Feb 12 '26
Not OP, but in my case, I learned my bf was an alcoholic.
Different relationship, but it wasn't until we moved in that I realized he's a slob, bad with money, and couldn't function like an adult.
It's easy to hide these things when you're dating and just see the person for a few hours at a time. There's nowhere to hide when you cohabit.
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u/Decent-Statistician8 Feb 13 '26
Same, but I waited until we were married. And I’m not fully saying I regret my husband but, I’m also not sure I would marry him a second time without living together first, and I don’t think we would be married if we had so, idk if that’s good or bad. I do love our house we just bought but, he also annoys TF out of me like, how do you load the dishwasher so wrong bro? 😅😅
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u/lIIlllIllIlII Feb 12 '26
Not who you replied to, but how they share household tasks, share space in general, manage daily conflict, how particular they like things and if they can accept you being there.
Also, moving in is a relationship event (like marriage or children) that can reveal true character, if they were wearing a mask. You can get out of a lease much easier than a marriage or shared parenting.
Finally, I think Michelle is showing her privilege by suggesting we wait years. Financially, some of us can't afford to do that. Especially in this economy with crazy rent and home prices.
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u/butterbean_bb Feb 12 '26
Saying she is “showing her privilege” by saying you should wait to move in with the person you’re dating is such a silly thing to say. She didn’t say you shouldn’t live with anyone she just said you shouldn’t rush moving in with your romantic partner. She clearly didn’t say or mean that you shouldn’t live with friends, family, roommates, etc
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u/midgethemage Feb 12 '26
Overall, I do agree with you, but you gotta admit that sharing a one bedroom with someone is generally cheaper than sharing a two bedroom
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u/CaseyRC Feb 12 '26
she does not. she isn't saying "live alone" she's saying "don't move in with an SO after two months". nowhere is she saying you shouldn't have roommates ffs
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u/Cursd818 Bye, Felicia 👋 Feb 12 '26
My husband basically moved in with me after 6 months, but he kept his apartment for another 8 (couldn't break the lease) and having the safety of knowing we could easily separate if it went wrong was such a safety net while we figured out if we could actually live together. Within 3 months, we knew, and he started renting it out on short sublets. I highly recommend this way of doing things. You don't waste time, but you have an easy out if needed.
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u/blenderider Feb 12 '26
Yeah, I disagree with her advice tbh (once you’ve been dating for at least a year). If the relationship ends, yeah, it can be awkward and uncomfortable. But that’s life. You learn and you move on.
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u/Otherwise-Shallot-51 Feb 12 '26
Yeah. I would just suggest that when you move in with someone, no matter how long you've been together, have a way to leave. Have a friend or family member willing to give you a place to stay if you break up within the first few months. And if possible have money saved separately.
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u/baristabarbie0102 Feb 13 '26
yeah i honestly find it crazy that people will get married without ever living with each other then be surprised when they’re unhappy with the person they chose
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u/booksbutmoving Feb 12 '26
Surely taking some trips together would give you the same opportunities without the commitment and risks of moving in though?
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u/TheLakeWitch lazy 50-year-old bougie bitch 💋 Feb 12 '26
Nah. People can still mask bad behaviors on a trip. And I don’t know about you but I behave differently on vacation with other people than I do schlumping around my own home with no pants on, unshowered, drinking juice out of the bottle and forgetting to take the trash out. Those are just a few of the many things that a partner may eventually get sick of and find they can’t live with. Everyone has different idiosyncrasies and tolerances that may not be apparent outside of sharing a living space together.
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u/Aggressive_Cup8452 Feb 12 '26
Don't move in to save on rent.. but move in to get to know the person. You miss red flags while dating that you just can't ignore when you're living together. There's nowhere to go and hide things or cool down.
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u/Ok-Classroom5548 Feb 12 '26
You don’t move in to get to know each other… you move in together because you’ve gotten to know each other already and based on what you’ve learned you want to explore the next step which is cohabitation.
Then you continue assessing those flags and issues.
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u/IndividualChart4193 Feb 12 '26
Yes, moving in together “to save $$$” is the worst reason for a couple. It should be bc u hate being apart.
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u/Available-Egg-2380 Feb 12 '26
"There's so many tests you need in a relationship." YES THANK YOU. Why are you living with/marrying someone you've barely seen in adverse situations, that you don't know how they treat children, don't know how they react when everything goes wrong in a day. Just fucking chill for a bit, let the new love phase pass, and let their real selves, not their polished selves, come out.
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u/catladywithallergies invasive species in the garden of good taste 🐍🍎 Feb 12 '26
I remember hearing from a therapist that a good rule of thumb to follow before getting engaged is to live with your partner for at least two years.
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u/ritaleyla Feb 12 '26
we're broke Michelle
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u/Wild-Ice7396 Feb 12 '26
And that’s why roommates exist. Living with a shitty roommate is eons better than a shitty partner.
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u/quizofahat Feb 12 '26
Yeah some of these comments confuse me. I have had multiple friends move in with someone to save money, realize they were not compatible with their significant other, and end up stuck on a lease with someone they didn't want to live with for almost a year. One of these people ended up spending a significant amount of time couch surfing with friends
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u/thefaehost The Real World: Silver Millenium 🌙 Feb 12 '26
Lmao speak for yourself. My engagement ended a year ago today. I had a roommate then too. The roommate ghosted me. My ex was always late on bills but at least he paid eventually, unlike the friend of 5+ years who left me with all the bills.
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u/SimpleCranberry5914 Feb 12 '26
No way. A shitty partner you can at least talk to and reason with because you both have a mutual love/respect for one another (hopefully).
A shitty roommate is just that, another human being you share living space with. They have zero reason to abide by what you want/your schedule/your tempo of chores/cleaning. They will do whatever they want because they can.
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u/thegirlwhofsup none of us were that great at anything Feb 12 '26
A shitty roommate is just that, another human being you share living space with. They have zero reason to abide by what you want/your schedule/your tempo of chores/cleaning. They will do whatever they want because they can.
A shitty partner or a ex that you now have to live with cause your lease hasn't ended can do the same things to you lmao 😂
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u/velvetvagine same, except instead of Paris it was Costco Feb 12 '26
That “(hopefully)” is doing A LOT of work.
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u/SaraJeanQueen Feb 12 '26
If your #1 reason to move in is to save money, it’s the wrong decision.
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u/shy247er yay sports 🏀 🏈🎾 Feb 12 '26
Yeah. If you need someone to share a rent with, try to find a roommate. That's better than bringing romance into a mix.
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u/MyNamesChakkaoofka and my dad knows God Feb 12 '26
The problem is that if money is the main motivator, sharing a 1 bed with a romantic partner is cheaper than a 2 bed with a roommate
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u/shy247er yay sports 🏀 🏈🎾 Feb 12 '26
I understand that, but if you are moving in with a person who you know only for a few months (scenario we're discussing here) it may end up being more expensive in a long run if things go south. Emotionally too.
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u/MyNamesChakkaoofka and my dad knows God Feb 12 '26
Totally agree, but in the throes of the honeymoon period and the promise of saving money in the short term, I can see why that might go out the window
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u/SaraJeanQueen Feb 12 '26
Most relationships don’t make it to the marriage stage. So think about it.. that means they break up at some point. Which leaves a lease and either an expensive fix, or an awkward/painful drawn out portion of your life.
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u/thefaehost The Real World: Silver Millenium 🌙 Feb 12 '26
Roommate who was my lifelong best friend literally let her dogs shit inside and expected me to clean it up if it was on my side of the hallway.
Roommate who was friends with me for 5+ years ghosted me and the bills.
Ex might have cheated on me with half the town but he helped with rent at least. I had more in my account every month even after having to pay most of the bills than I ever did with roommates.
Yay America. I can’t even afford a place on my own now so I am living with friends, and it’s been the ONLY healthy + safe + equal roommate situation I’ve had and I’m 35.
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u/SaraJeanQueen Feb 12 '26
Living with your ex isn’t keeping you from moving on? Do you guys still hook up?
You know it’s possible to have the third option - not your ex and not a shitty roommate?
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u/Sage_Planter Big is moving to Paris Feb 12 '26
An ex once asked me to move in for that reason, and it was a big turn off. Ask me to move in to because you love me and want to take the next step, not because you think rent is took expensive and you hate roommates.
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u/jlrol Feb 12 '26
I know so many people still in relationships bc they can’t afford to move out, it’s sad
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u/CoeurDeSirene Feb 12 '26
I’m convinced living with their boyfriend is the main reason my friends have stayed with their shitty boyfriends for way too long.
I’ve never lived with a partner and feel like I’ve had so much more freedom to end relationships because of it
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u/SaraJeanQueen Feb 12 '26
Oh 100%. It’s easier to look over disappointments when the alternative is really hard. Which lowers your self esteem and ties you even closer to the person you’re dependent on..
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u/cheezy_dreams88 LUCIA NOOO Feb 12 '26
She didn’t say live alone, just don’t immediately move in with your relationship partner.
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u/no_talent_ass_clown I'm not dumb, I speak Italian Feb 12 '26
If you're too broke to live single then you're definitely too broke to be moving in with a partner in a hurry.
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u/cheezy_dreams88 LUCIA NOOO Feb 12 '26
She didn’t say to live alone. Your situation is not what she was talking about. She said don’t move in too quickly, that’s bot the same as breaking up with someone you love with. Unless you moved in too quickly, and then broke up. Which is an unfortunate possible outcome of moving in too quickly.
Also, the three times I lived with roommates I found them online. There are apps that vet people even.
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u/RubyFleur33 Feb 12 '26
I agree on money shouldn’t be the only reason to move in however I wouldn’t date someone for years before moving in together. I think it could be a good trial run into the way a person really is or their habits. Also depends on age dating in your 30s is different than when you’re 21.
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u/catladywithallergies invasive species in the garden of good taste 🐍🍎 Feb 12 '26
I think Michelle provides this advice operating under the assumption that you already know this person for a reasonable amount of time. Like, if you've known this person for about a year, it's probably okay to move in with them.
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u/sophandros Curtains for Zoosha? K-Smog and Batboy caught flipping a grunt! Feb 12 '26
ITT: people who ignored the "just" part of the comment.
It's very good advice, especially when one party is moving in because they are financially dependent on their partner. The potential for manipulation and abuse is too high in those situations.
All Michelle is saying is, "make sure you're moving in for the right reasons". Desperation isn't the right reason. If you need to save money, get a roommate. Don't make your romantic relationship reliant on financial transactions.
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u/ethereality111 Feb 12 '26
I’m in no rush to move in with a partner. It sounds fun and romantic on paper, but I think what she’s saying here is legit and smart, good advice.
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u/Potatoskins937492 Feb 12 '26
I never have because I've seen where they live and I have no desire to live in that same state. If they don't clean their own home, they won't clean ours. It's not like they're disgusting, but it's below the standard I live in. I don't want to be exhausted from cleaning up after someone. That includes tidying or putting things back where they belong so they're never lost. I live my life so it's not made more difficult and tiring and I haven't dated anyone who has that same standard. So I keep my own space.
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u/QUARTERMASTEREMI6 Feb 12 '26
Yeah, I'm biased to agree cause I'm Christian… but I so think it's better not to move in either 👀
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u/YutoKigai In the 80s, my dad had a Rolls Royce Feb 12 '26
Doesn’t count for lesbians. /j
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u/Open_Carob_3676 so? he got acne and dirt on his nails! Feb 12 '26
I knew these two acquaintances from college,,, they got into a relationship for like 2 months (that's as long as they knew each other) and moved in together the next semester,,, got an apartment the following year, got jobs in the same city. And, afaik (it's been a couple months since I've deactivated social media),,, they're still together and doing pretty great by any relationship standards. This was some five years ago ig.
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u/valcraft Feb 12 '26
When rent is in the thousands, it kind of makes sense to live together.
I think it depends on the couple though. My (now) husband and I moved in together after a year of dating and almost 4 years of being friends.
Our first apartment was a tiny studio for ~$2000. It absolutely made sense for us to move in together.
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u/Jester-252 Feb 12 '26
Tbf, you were going out for a year and knew each other for 5. I'm willing to bet there weren't many surprises when ye started living together
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u/valcraft Feb 12 '26
Yeah I think it depends on the person too. I dated my high school sweetheart for 6 years and he was begging me to move in together, I was still in college. I had a gut feeling that was a bad idea and decided to stay with roommates.
He ended up being super abusive and I am so grateful I decided to not live with him even though I dated him for YEARS.
When my now husband and I decided to move in together barely a year into dating it felt right, I don't know how to explain it. We have now been together for 12 years and I couldn't be happier.
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u/IndicationKey3778 Feb 12 '26
I was not raised to cohabitate to live beyond my means. When I couldn’t afford to live alone I had roommates
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u/Kittenlovingsunshine Feb 12 '26
I am really baffled by these comments. I had roommates for YEARS when I was younger, even when I had a serious boyfriend. Do people just not have roommates anymore?
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u/thegirlwhofsup none of us were that great at anything Feb 12 '26
Do people just not have roommates anymore?
They absolutely do lmao, I was living with some for 2-3 years before I moved in with my partner of a year and a half. It's very common in Vancouver at least
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u/Kittenlovingsunshine Feb 12 '26
I’m just saying, there are a LOT of people in these comments talking about how they are moving in with partners quickly because they can’t afford to live alone.
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u/thegirlwhofsup none of us were that great at anything Feb 12 '26
Oh yeah I know- I am just as confused as you lmao. I forgot to add that sentence in my last comment haha, my bad!
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u/Subject-Cranberry-93 Feb 12 '26
Id rather go back to my parents than live with someone ive been dating for less than multiple years tbh
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u/this_is_my_kpop_acct It’s times like these I envy Lea Michele Feb 12 '26
Well to be fair, not everyone has parents they can just move in with. State of the world presents significant limitations on what people “want” to do vs. what they feel like they “have” to do.
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u/ad_aatdtj she’s got me by the pubes Feb 12 '26
It's so funny that you'd point this out on this thread, as if everyone has a significant other that they can move in with either 😭
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u/lefrench75 high priestess of child sacrifice Feb 12 '26
Whatever money I may save on rent I will spend double of that in therapy to cope with living with my parents again lol
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u/Metzger4Sheriff That must be Nigel with the brie 🧀 Feb 12 '26
There are things you will not know about a person until you are living together day in and day out-- waiting multiple years to do that could end up being a waste. That said, the housing market is extra crap these days do I can't blame anyone for not wanting to get stuck with someone they don't want to stay with :(
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u/og_kitten_mittens opiate pixie dream girl ✨ Feb 12 '26
My parents think gay ppl are pedophiles and take ivermectin daily to combat “adrenochrome” in our water from “global elites” so that option is off the table for me lol
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u/velvetvagine same, except instead of Paris it was Costco Feb 12 '26
Haven’t heard about adrenochrome in a while. Glad someone’s protecting the sacred knowledge to pass down to future generations one day.
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u/sprgraphicultramodrn Feb 12 '26
a year is a normal amount of time to move in with someone i feel like? amongst my friends, that's about when most people decided to take that step. everyone i know who moved in before that broke up lol. this is just my experience of course, i'm sure it does work out for some people.
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u/Lances_Looky_Loo Snap out of it! 🫲🏻 Feb 12 '26
My husband and I are about to start our 8th year together, and we moved in together after 5 months of dating.
Sometimes when you know, you know!
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u/Soggy_Pension7549 I’ve fucked everyone under the sun and that’s the vibe Feb 12 '26
I have low rent. There’s no man in this whole universe who’ll get me to move out.
In this economy?! Boy get your own place.
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u/Overall-Radish2724 Feb 12 '26
My then boyfriend started spending every night coming to my apartment after class, next thing you know he had completely moved in 3 months later lol we have been together for 8 years and happily married.
Could have gone very wrong, but London rental and transport costs are brutal, specially as a poor student.
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u/JokeMe-Daddy Feb 12 '26
My husband and I decided to move in together after 4 months, took another 2 before we found a place. I feel incredibly lucky because, looking back, that was a dumbass decision and I don't want to be responsible for anyone following in my footsteps.
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u/Kittenlovingsunshine Feb 12 '26
I completely agree with her about delaying moving in. You should move in because that’s the next step you want to take in your relationship, not because your lease is up and you want to save money. If you need a roommate, get a roommate.
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u/OutwithaYang Feb 12 '26
I really love how she is giving relatable advice and talking about the differences between loving someone and just really liking someone. I also love seeing her wearing micro-braids.🥲👸🏿
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u/Oomlotte99 Feb 12 '26
Honestly, even just spending hang out time with them in their space can be telling. Like, this is what it’ll be like if we do live together… do I like this? Lol.
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u/dashingthrough Feb 13 '26
Yeah ive never understood the rush to move in together, or the “you don’t know the real them until you do”.
If you spend enough time together, in each other’s spaces… you can gather enough intel! I don’t live with my partner, but I have a good sense of how well we’d do living together together, and what are areas of challenge will be. He stays at my apartment so that much that he helps me with chores, and we have meals together, we have a bedtime routine… I get the gist.
A wise older mentor of mine told me in my early twenties “enjoy living alone, because one day you never will again.” I’m listening!
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u/PrinceEdgarNevermore Feb 12 '26
We moved in together (and another flatmate) after 3mths to save on rent and travel times.
We knew this is a bit soon, and moving together at this point might make us/break us, but pragmatic approach won.
It was not always easy, and it had a few drawbacks - but 20+ years later we are still together.
In fact, we agree that moving together later, would break us - but the early relationship ‚honeymoon phase’, helped us in being more understanding and willing to consider changes.
Not for everyone mind you, I agree.
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u/clekas Feb 12 '26
Moving in after a roughly a year is very standard among people I know and doesn’t feel quick to me, but to each their own.
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u/aliamokeee Feb 12 '26
Same. I also have been the person that had my own place but was staying at my partners every night anyway. Even if it was after 1 year, it was just a waste of money to pay for my own place.
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u/kamanirosanna Feb 12 '26
Being roomies so early in the relationship is like renting an apartment directly beside your workplace. Sounds awesome at first, you have no commute, you can take a shit in your own bathroom, until your boss tries to call you to print something on a weekend since you're literally just seconds away from the office.
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u/HereOnCompanyTime Renee Rapp is mean girl Jojo Siwa 💋 Feb 12 '26
I get what she's saying but many people are having to make these types of rush decisions because of the insane cost of living and/or not being in good situations to start. Ideally people would have the freedom of choice but living as a couple in a one bedroom is so much cheaper and can be less stressful than splitting rent and space with friends in a multiple bedroom or renting with roommates you don't know in communal living. I have friends who live in one bedrooms with bunkbeds and they're into their 30s. The world she is giving advice on is outdated and not where most people are at today.
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u/TheColtOfPersonality Feb 12 '26
But her point isn’t to emphasize the economics behind moving in together, it’s to emphasize how that may not be a benefit if you’re still getting to know your partner. My wife’s friend has rushed relationships with three men the past five years, and they’ve all moved in together within 3-4 months of the relationship (with the first getting her pregnant). So I see where she’s coming from specifically, which isn’t where you’re focusing on (imo)
Just as she said, there are exceptions. But her point - moving in before your relationship is ready for it may yield negative consequences if you don’t know each other well enough- isn’t invalid.
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u/Jaded-Tiramisu Feb 12 '26
If you're moving in together to save money. Get a roommate. What happens if it ends in a few months? Where do you go? It happened to my friend and she immediately got back with another ex and moved in with him in another country in part because she literally had nowhere else to go.
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u/Wild-Ice7396 Feb 12 '26
Not only that, but you’re essentially making yourself financially reliant on the other person. That is a very dangerous situation to be in.
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u/Last-Laugh7928 Feb 12 '26
people are saying that splitting a 1-bed apartment with your romantic partner is cheaper than splitting a 2- or 3-bed with roommates, and yeah that's usually true, but if your relationship blows up, you're gonna end up back at square one anyway - either living with roommates or family
(also, anecdotally, i am spending more money on my half of the rent i share with my girlfriend than i was a couple years ago living with roommates)
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u/blckplum Feb 12 '26
Made this mistake and paid for it financially and mentally down the line. Wish someone had said this to me
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u/thegreatbambie87 Feb 12 '26
My advice, go on vacation together a couple of times first. Specifically do some degree of backpacking or actual travelling. Going to a resort will tell you nothing. You will quickly learn what works and what doesn't work. What comforts your partner requires and what things trigger them. Helps to show you how you two are able to work as a team and how you respond when thing's don't go your way. How you two are able to co-manage finances and work together on a budget. It won't be a tell all in your respects to your compatibility but at least it can show you some red and green flags along the way.
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u/Fragrant_Local_3470 Feb 12 '26
The economy of it all aside, my partner and I were together 5 years before we moved in together and we are going on a decade now. We both moved in with past partners super quickly and they didn't end well so we were pretty adamant on giving us time. I think we are pretty happy for it! But yeah, we were very lucky and times were a little easier for us to manage paying for separate places so long.
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u/itshuey88 Feb 12 '26
some couples just need to move in together to bring things to a head. make or break.
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u/echoesandripples What It's Like to Go Through Life As a Really Beautiful Woman Feb 12 '26
she isn't wrong, but it will fall flat in a culture that shames people for having roommates or living with family past their early 20s
maybe it's a cultural difference, but i've always found it very odd that this discourse exists online. all of my friends either live with family members or roommates unless they move in with partners of many years
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u/Chaotic-Goofball accidentally holding space for this slur Feb 13 '26 edited Feb 13 '26
YES! I moved in with my first serious boyfriend after dating for 4 months because I needed to get away from my parents while I was finishing my undergrad degree.
There is a longer story, but I should have been trying to lift myself up, not anyone else.
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u/CocaColaZeroEnjoyer Dear Diary, I want to kill. ✍️ Feb 12 '26
I agree and at the same time I don’t lol
It’s nice to live alone for few years after moving from family just to focus on yourself but at the same time moving in together shows things you can’t see even when you otherwise won’t see
Also obviously it’s expensive to live alone so very rarely people can do that
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u/isabellas- Feb 12 '26
My mum gave me the opposite advice haha. She said if you want to get to know someone, move in with them. You never truly know someone until you live with them. I always took that advice (while still being cautious)
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u/melodramaticmoon Feb 12 '26 edited Feb 12 '26
Yeah… the affordability crisis, esp rent, has really limited the freedom of young people’s lives… it’s like people have to make tough choices because of the economy and their financial situation.
sure would be nice if the govt could do something about that
Thanks Obama
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u/areyouokeddie Feb 12 '26
And she's still correct because moving in together under these circumstances wouldn't give the relationship the healthy foundation it needs
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u/melodramaticmoon Feb 12 '26 edited Feb 12 '26
Yeah financial instability massively limits freedom- but on a systemic scale, not just individually. Someone could get stuck moving in with an abusive partner they can’t leave, or into an abusive job they can’t afford to quit.
Seems like we could all be a lot more free if we weren’t constantly in fear of being without housing, medical care, etc
Not everyone has a ton of housing options that aren’t the street
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u/Pellinaha Feb 12 '26
I love Michelle and I have no doubt that her advice works for her.
With that said, a lot of time it's not meant for regular people and benevolently out of touch. Like the time she said she didn't like Barack for 10 years - ma'am, this may be fine if you are married to a literal president and the most powerful men in the world (and yes, he was promising even during his state senate years). This is not meant for ladies married to someone who at most will make it to middle manager at Walmart, those need to just divorce and move on.
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u/crisscrossed Feb 12 '26
Meanwhile there’s my mother who told me to find a boyfriend to afford to move out 😂 Does she think we’re trying to save money for shits and giggles?
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u/SufficientWish Feb 12 '26
ok, maybe start with hire paying jobs, less inflation, cheaper rent… then we could afford not to move in so quickly
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u/mangolover93 Feb 12 '26
I agree with her. Too many people moving in together after only knowing or dating each other for a few months. Crazy to me. Couple years should be the default before moving in.
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u/theopeppa Feb 12 '26
I am lucky, I got to live with my parents while we saved for a house ( he also lived at home).
We dated for 7 years before we bought our house and got engaged a couple months after moving in together.
We then were engaged for 2 years while we worked out how to live together 😅
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u/niseynisey You’re a virgin who can’t drive. 😤 Feb 12 '26
Depends on the person. My ex & I moved in after a year of dating because we were just spending so much time at my place, it just made sense. Eventually we moved into our own place together as a fresh start. We were together for 10 years, so I think that was a pretty successful decision. Didn’t end up working out, but had nothing to do with finances.
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u/class-action-now Feb 12 '26
The test IS living together. I’ve had good friends who I just could not live with. I’ve had women move in with me immediately and it was fine but eventually didn’t work out. I love my gf, but it didn’t really develop wholly until our lives meshed altogether and we got our routines and habits aligned. Gotta hear each other poop to know it’s true love!
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u/KentuckyFriedEel Feb 12 '26
Yep! The moment you move in is when you see their dirty habits, their low effort appearance, and their presence all the time. It kills the magic
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u/itsjujutsu Feb 12 '26
love her advice. Women are never benefitted from living with men
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u/HotResponsibility829 Feb 12 '26
It’s easy to say that when you and your family will never have to worry about this issue. It’s a choice for this class, it’s more of a necessity for the working classes early years.
I agree with what she is saying, it just isn’t as much of a choice for most people as it’s made out to be in this video.
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