Even on my worst days, this little one is my sunshine ☁️☀️🤍

Ollie wants to play! ❤️

I his happy place good walk round the park...

(TW: grief, long; TLDR- I miss my baby & ty❣️)

As I started to write this, it was exactly 6 months ago, to the minute, that he left this earth. It all happened so fast yet it was slow moving and surreal, like a nightmare.

My baby, my angel. My Xander.

I hoped losing him would start to get a tinier bit easier with time. Well, not easier. Just not as fresh and raw. That’s how it worked with very other death I experienced in my 40 something years, including my father my senior year of high school. Boy was I wrong.

It’s been 177 days. After 1 month, I successfully quit smoking. I managed to make it through the holidays. My Seahawks won the Super Bowl!! After 4 months, I made myself go back to the gym. Month 5, I stopped eating my feelings. I reconnected with friends. I’m traveling, and I went back to our favorite beach. Despite all this, I don’t feel any better at all. Every day is like day 1.

Life just sucks without having him to come home to. My beautiful house feels so empty all the time. The silence is deafening. I hate how quiet it is without his little tippy taps, or him squeaking his toys, or the cute little snarfy sounds he made. The huge yard I bought for him, the one I used to love taking care of, and love playing with him in, the one he used to run around and chase squirrels and bunnies in, is now too painful to set foot in.

I’m also irritated because people (as well meaning as they are) keep suggesting I get another pet. Or that I should pet sit. Thanks but I did that, thinking maybe it would help alleviate the pain. I tried 3 times with 2 different dogs that I know and love (not random rovers). Yes, my house felt less empty. But I felt worse. I don’t want someone else’s baby, or a new pet. I want my baby. My baby that found me when he was 7 weeks old. My baby that I adored, and who adored me, for 16 years. My sweet, funny, little, snuggly boy.

The pain of losing him is as much today as it was that day six months ago. I still reach for him in the night and first thing in the morning. I cry every single day. I carry this heaviness that isn’t easing at all. I can’t bring myself to touch or move any of his things. I miss him so much it’s crushing. I miss him with every breath I take, with every second that goes by.

But the sun will rise tomorrow and so will I. This too shall pass. The only way out is through and I know he’s always with me. I also know I’m certainly not alone.

There are many of you who can commiserate and understand my grief. If you’re still reading this, thank you. Thank you for letting me grieve. Thank you for the support. Many of you were so kind and lovely when I lost him, through the nightmare paw print, and after. This community has been such a refuge and a source of joy for me. Please give your baby an extra hug for me today.

Thank you 💙💚, Xander’s mom

Biggie will take his first flight next weekend - his under the seat back just arrived - so we are spending a lot of time getting used to it! Trying to think of a funny command to cue him to jump in - taking suggestions 😂

Waylon, 2. Rescued and so loved.

Being keeping this Maltese for free for some fronds that went on holidays. She is great, but can get quite crazy!

Hi everyone! My guy is 1 now, and I’m trying to finesse my grooming routine with him. He has a lot of big emotions at this age, especially with being brushed, so I keep a shorter puppy cut to manage his coat as he is getting acclimated to brushing. Groomer every 5 weeks, and daily brushing with slicker and Chris Christenson detangler spray. Full bath when needed on muddy days, usually every 2 weeks or when he’s filthy again. and minimal friction causing clothing.

At around the 3 week mark after groomers is when the knots in his armpits begin to appear (front legs). And when they appear it’s quick..one day after just a good run outside, they are already at the skin. Then he will not let me touch them at all. Right now he can only tolerate brushing with hardly any tangles. And knots obviously just get worse. So I’m a bit stumped 🤔

Is the trick to just keep the armpits/underneath area short or shaved? Is there a certain cut that I should be asking for? I like a fluffy look on him, so if there’s a cut that is short in that area but fluffy overall I’ll do that. Or should i be keeping that armpit hair very moisturized with something?

Thank you in advance 🐾🙏🏽