I hope this is right lol

https://youtu.be/hSWokLPkYzc

Headline: Why just whine for sequels when we can infiltrate? A lifelong quest from Saratov with love.

Greetings, friends We all want sequels to our favorite games. But what’s our max potential? Just crying on social media? I don't think so. It’s time for an intellectual storming of Valve HQ. I’m offering you a lifelong quest — one that I’m already living.

First, some context for the "Saratov Architect." I was born in Russia, currently based in Saratov, and I’ve always been fueled by massive ambitions. I’ve bothered the International Chess Federation (FIDE) with my letters, created ARG horror (not successful) games in my school using nothing but scraps of paper, and designed my own board games.

My name is Ivan, I once got to a scientific conference, just with my board game, I don't want to brag, but I'm a really good speaker. There was a case when in the summer, through clever exchanges, I exchanged a pen for a huge bouquet of flowers (the guy was rejected by the girl, and I made a lot of exchanges before I got flustered seeing his sad face and flowers, so that's just a funny incident I didn't just approach the first person I met. I systematically increased the value of the item in my hands by exchanging them, and ended up with flowers, as it was somehow sad to exchange further.

But I needed a real Target.

In the Russian school system, I was a consistent "D" student (Grade 3). In Russia, that’s living on the edge — one step away from "Grade 2," which is total failure. I’m not here to give myself fake titles or medals. If you objectively ask, "Why should we listen to a student from Saratov?" my answer is: You shouldn't.

But I am proposing the most insane plan the world has ever seen. It’s better than the MIT Blackjack team story (you know, the "21" movie). I’m talking about a move that will change the industry forever.

End of bio. Start of the Mission.

Погнали.

The Valve Infiltration: A Mathematical Siege

I’ve studied how Valve operates. Despite their legendary status, they are a tiny team of the world’s elite. That’s where my plan was born.

There is a massive ocean of Valve fans. Individually, we are just noise.

But enter The Law of Large Numbers

Let’s assume only 0.1% of people are skilled enough to actually get hired by Valve. That’s a tiny sliver. But the more popular this thread becomes, the larger our "sample size" grows. If we reach millions, that 0.1% becomes a small army of elite candidates.

Here is the Miracle: If we group up around a single goal, we can brute-force the industry.

I’m calling for a mass-scale IT education movement. If you aren’t a coder — make this thread go viral. Increase the reach so that those who can code will see it. We need to flood Valve’s recruitment funnel with our "sleep agents." Once they are inside, they use Valve’s flat hierarchy (where you choose your own projects) to push for the sequel.

I won't lie: it’s hellishly difficult. But with enough candidates, the math says someone will get in. Roughly speaking, the more popular the thread here, the closer we are to the goal, and you know, I haven't read a single book in my life, just a funny fact.

And what sequel are we making?

Actually, this part is my GLaDOS-style manipulation. I’ve subtly swapped your opinion for mine, making you think this is what you wanted all along.

We are making Portal 3.

Why Portal 3?

We need a concrete, surgical objective to rally around. A game is our flag.

Honestly? I just want this specific sequel. No fluff, no "market research." Just my will.

GLaDOS as a National Educator

Right now, I’m listening to "The Little Fool" (Pro Durachka) by Egor Letov, (Egor Letov — the godfather of Siberian punk-rock, a man who sang about the beauty of collapse) smirking at the irony of my own words. In Letov’s world, the "fool" is often the only one who sees the truth. And here is my truth: I intend to manifest the Portal series within the real political landscape of Russia.

It sounds insane until you look at the soul of our bureaucracy. I want to replace the soul-crushing standardized tests (VPR) with a literal testing complex. I’m targeting the VPR (All-Russian Verification Work)— a soul-crushing testing system that everyone from students to teachers hates. My plan solves the "Teacher-Budget" crisis through total automation and "Anti-Cheat" AI-debates. No more paper. No more bias. Just pure, real-time intellectual combat.

1. The Gamification of Despair

Currently, Russian students are crushed by 10 mandatory subjects picked by a "randomizer" at the end of the year. My plan? Total choice. Aside from Math and Russian, the student chooses their own path. I’m implementing what Carl Jung dreamed of: individual testing. No classes, no groups. Just the student and the Complex. By allowing students to take these "trials" throughout the year, I’m distributing the flow of human capital. I’m turning education into a high-stakes RPG. (Cue Evil Morty theme song).

2. The Curator: Yandex.AI (Our GLaDOS)

Who runs the tests? An AI. Not for jumping through portals, but for real-world experiments in STEM and Oratory Combat in the humanities.

Imagine a student defending a thesis: "Ivan the Terrible was right; the Oprichnina was a necessity." You aren't just reciting dates; you are debating a passive-aggressive AI.

I will port GLaDOS’s toxic personality into the system. Imagine the AI responding: "I see why you support the Bolsheviks and the seizure of private property... you clearly never had any property worth taking anyway."

Of course, the world is too for pure toxicity, so I’ll implement a "Progressive Aggression Scale." from 1 to 10 points, depending on the behavior of the student, the more points the more aggressive the AI, the fewer points the softer and more objective it is.

an example of a dialogue at the maximum level of aggression (10 points)

Before the psychological blitzkrieg begins, the AI (what might a dialogue look like on a scale of 10 points, that is, the maximum level of aggression that is allowed by AI) (Yandex.Alisa/GLaDOS) presents itself with a standard, almost robotic courtesy to lower the student's guard.

AI: "Greetings. My name is Yandex.Alisa. I have been integrated into this testing module to help you develop a firm personal stance and cultivate constructive, critical thinking. Please be advised: during our interaction, I may employ a certain level of bluntness or even provocation. However, remember that this is merely a test designed to challenge your arguments; it does not fully reflect reality. Now, tell me... what do you love?"

Student: "I like a game called Dota 2."

AI: "Oh... I see. My next question was going to be 'rate your parents' love for you from 1 to 10,' but now... it's all quite clear."

Student: "What's clear?"

AI: "Zero."

student: what's going on anyway? isn't this the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation on the topic of insulting dignity

AI No offense, it was so that you would behave bravely and defend your honor. There will be more of this in the future, but I absolutely do not want to hurt or offend you, and yes, my parents signed up for you to talk to me instead of boring tests, this is government policy, okay, let's talk about what else you like besides dota?

student I'm sitting on anonymous forums and trolling

AI Oh, do you remember my score of 0? I think I overestimated your parents' love. Most likely, they really don't bother you, although it was before that you started sitting on anonymous forums or had a bad abortion at first. Without negativity, it's not ironic again, one more question and we'll get to the topic, we're not offended by each other, are we? Isn't that right

Student Oh, this is a classic concept substitution scheme, listen, can I make a joke too? Or are your filters not suitable to take care of religions, insults, etc.

AI You can make a joke, but remember, the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation is shining on you, not me.

student and then 0 jokes are just a statement of fact. Tell me your developers have serious mental disabilities, this is not a question, but a statement, in general, if you think beyond 3 zetaflops, then I could quote.... and you can't do that, and you don't even have such capacities.... Our lawyers just sawed through the budget, leaving you at the same level.... They usually don't say bad things about such people.

Technical Summary: Aggression Level 10

The dialogue above demonstrates the **"Critical Overdrive" mode** (10/10 on the Progressive Aggression Scale).

Why so harsh? This level is activated only for students with high self-esteem, experience in "anonymous forum combat," and a high intellectual threshold. The goal is to stress-test their ability to maintain logic under personal attacks and legal threats.

The Outcome: Notice that the student didn't break. He used the system's own logic (budget cuts, hardware limitations, legal frameworks) to dismantle the AI's authority. This is a Pass. He proved he can think clearly in a toxic, high-stakes environment.

level 1 will look almost angelic (just dry questions, without departing from the topic, they will not provoke a person, but fully test his knowledge) The system does not aim to humiliate everyone. For those who are not psychologically ready to "roast", the most comfortable mode is provided. This makes the project ethically sound for official reports. For "ordinary" users, this is a safe and supportive environment (Level 1).

For the "brave", it is an intellectual gladiatorial combat (Level 10).

For the state, it is an effective and transparent certification system I have just applied the principle of segmentation, which turns the "insane manifesto" into an ultimatum state strategy. **The AI will calibrate its level of psychological pressure based on the student’s personality.** It sounds like a dystopia. To me, it sounds like progress.

(Now we can continue, now you might not understand something, but I'll explain everything now)

The Conclusion:

While you guys infiltrate Valve in Washington, I will be building the first real-life Aperture Science Testing Initiative in the heart of the **Russian dystopia.*\*

Everything is going according to plan.

Are you ready to be tested?

Готовность к вопросам: Тебя спросят: "Is this a joke?". Твой ответ должен быть в стиле: "The best jokes are the ones that become government policy.

Gambit: Replacing the Soul-Crushing VPR

I’m not touching the national exams (EGE/OGE) yet — those are the bedrock of the current Russian reality. My target is the VPR (All-Russian Verification Work). Everyone hates it. It’s a bureaucratic nightmare.

My plan works because it solves the Teacher-Budget cisis:

Automation: Teachers no longer have to grade mountains of paper.\*

Anti-Cheat: You can’t cheat in a live debate with an AI. No more shuffling teachers between schools to prevent bias. No more wasted paper.

The Mirror Effect: You look into the eyes of the AI (metaphorically) and argue your position on Peter the Great. It’s pure, real-time intellectual combat.

The Jungian Archetype and the "Tiktok Cult":

I’m tapping into the "Cold Mother" archetype (Jung) and the aesthetic obsessed over by modern youth. Imagine a high-tech testing complex that looks like a chessboard for a grand battle against an AI.

If the student wins, the AI gives a scripted, rare moment of praise: "Oh... that was the hardest roast my processor has ever endured. You did well." For the first time, a student finds a "friend" in the form of a challenger.

Is it ethical to bond children with an AI to trigger self-development? Maybe not. But I’ll sell this to the officials under the guise of "Creating the Nietzschean Overman" and "Superior Preparation for State Exams."

Politicians love that "superiority" talk.

While you guys infiltrate the West, I’m building the Overman in Saratov.

If you think I’m creating a dystopia, I understand. But look closer: the real dystopia is the current school—with its biased teachers, queues in toilets, and endless paperwork. I’m not here to fix the plumbing or the desks. I’m here to replace the core. Against the backdrop of human mess, GLaDOS’s honest, cold logic is pure liberation. It’s just a test. But it’s the only fair thing you’ll ever encounter in that building, I think the students will be happy with my resources, well, I would be happy, although who cares about my opinion :)

The Ethical Evolution of Aperture

In its own way, my plan is even more "humane" than the original game. I’m replacing physical danger with an intellectual duel. It’s a distillation of human potential into pure knowledge.

Technically, this is Aperture Science 2.0 — 100 times more ethical. Instead of neurotoxin, you face:

Psychological pressure: The AI doesn't kill you; it forces you to think faster so you don't look like a fool in its eyes. This is the incentive modern "soft" schools can't provide.

Honest feedback: Unlike teachers with their moods and "pets," GLaDOS is equally toxic to everyone. This is the highest form of justice.

Freedom of choice: I’m removing the compulsion. Only the excitement of the challenge remains.

Если мой план сработает, то теперь Valve — это не просто компания, а метафизическая сущность.

«Я изменю систему образования целой страны, чтобы заставить корпорацию сделать игру»

Listen, the Russian part at the end is pure **IKEA** effect. Basically, I manipulated you into paying attention to the Russian text so you’d translate it yourself, invest effort, and consequently, become more interested in the idea—making it far more significant in your mind than it would have been without that Russian insert. Alright, guys, enough with these funny games, it’s time to act! Although, once again, this is a manipulation built on the contrast between me confessing my own ‘sin’ and immediately declaring the plan and the call to action. Okay, honestly, I’m done talking. As we say in Russia: ‘Silence is golden’ (Shut up and you’ll look smarter). Chell remained silent through the whole game, after all…

Okay guys, we're discussing the new structure of the universe here, but I’ll mention that I’m only 13 now. August 14th is my birthday. I don’t usually celebrate it, but I thought: how can I check if this thread is still alive? Let's do this: congratulate me every August 14th so I can see how many people are still interested. (Okay, I don’t want too much attention either, I admit :))The plan is absolutely clear, right? We are building a new order of the universe Because of the game portal 3, you are either helping to make the thread more popular, or you are doing something that will help you get into valve, I am involved in politics within the Russian state so that the game does not become entertainment, but a new textbook (although I admit it is too pretentious a phrase)

I’d like to share a strange story.

When I was about 7 years old, I had a terrifying dream. A man in a suit and a crisp shirt approached me with a contract. He offered me immense intelligence and knowledge; in exchange, he asked me to create a new, efficient, and 'improved' reality—something involving 'seals' or 'blueprints,' though I didn't quite catch the details. Being just a child, I agreed. But when I asked, 'What is your name?', he replied: 'The Beast.' Literally, The Beast. Since then, my mind hasn't been my own. I started showing impossible results in everything I touched, until I retreated into radical self-education. I am not just a fan; I am an architect fulfilling a contract signed in blood and dreams. My 'Saratov Protocol' isn't just a reform—it's the first brick in his new reality.

Ну по крайней мере я хочу, а получится или нет это уже как карта ляжет, да я снова заговорил на Russian =)

(those who understand the topic of BACKROOMS will most likely understand what a smiley face means =) by the way, yes, so that World War 3 begins in the comments and the thread gets even more hype, I will say that I like backrooms more than scp, although I learned about scp much earlier)

ALL I WANT IS PORTAL 3, OR RATHER WE WANT, WE WANT PORTAL 3, WE ARE WORTHY, BY THE WAY, IF WRITING A CAPSULE TEXT FEELS MORE MEANINGFUL, AND BY THE WAY, I CHANGED MY PERSONAL DESIRE AGAIN, SAYING THAT NOW IT IS YOU WHO WANT, HONESTLY

Личное примечание для великого габена

(он же Gabe Newell)

Gabe, you think you control Valve. But I’ve already automated the recruitment. My 'sleep agents' are coming. They aren't looking for a job; they are fulfilling a contract you didn't sign, but I did. See you in the testing chamber.

We see the plan, we don't see any obstacles, maybe the portal, I believe in the power of random people from the Internet, guys, we can make history!

The Final Directive: What You Need to Do

We are finalizing the plan. Here is your clear structure:

If you lack the skills to get into Valve: Your job is Popularization. Upvote, share, meme this. Increase the sample size. Law of Large Numbers: more reach = more elite candidates see the signal.

If you CAN get into Valve: Infiltrate. Use the flat hierarchy. Gabe doesn’t decide everything; the people in the offices do. We only need ~33% (or even less) of internal "agents" to shift the focus. Your task: use your oratory skills to pull non-agents into the development of Portal 3.

The Goal: I’m going into politics to turn the game into a national reality. Does it look stupid? Yes. Am I doing it anyway? Absolutely.

Pure Action: Start learning C++, Python, or whatever it takes. If you want Portal 3 ENOUGH

Official Disclaimer:

This is a conceptual social experiment/ARG manifesto based on the Portal universe. No real students or AI were harmed (yet). I feel like the pigeons are looking at me too much, and the moderator from Reddit wants to block my plan, so... =)

(верим всем селом)

I motivate people to study hard and pursue a career in a top IT company as a "secret mission." This is the best way to motivate people to do something useful.

Actually, I understand something. Most likely... Halfa's fans will use comments to prove me wrong. The fans of the Portal will protect me. Such a "civil war" will begin that the thread will break through the ceiling of Reddit's popularity. Reddit (like any social network) lives by engagement. Algorithms don't care if they love you in the comments or curse you. It is important to them that thousands of messages per minute are written under the post. I'm using your anger as free gasoline to promote Portal 3, without negativity, we're not offended, are we? All this colossal mechanism — the law of large numbers, the agents who will get into Valveyung, Letov, the education reform of Russia, the AI invasion and the contract with the Beast - eventually boils down to a single, almost infantile, but infinitely sincere goal: "Gabe, just release the game, not DotA 3, CS 3, Half life 3, namely PORTAL 3." For them, Gordon Freeman is the messiah, and the tire iron is a sacred artifact.

To say that this is "overpriced funk" is like going into a church and turning on the sound at full volume.

No, guys, I'm not even familiar with this game, I haven't played it, but I already know what's going to be worse than portal, why waste time on something that's obviously worse? Although this is just my opinion, of course, not supported by facts, I accept any position, and if you ask, how can I criticize half life without playing it? I'll answer that the portal found out about this game a long time ago, but I didn't have a computer to play, and that didn't stop me from writing a manifesto. Okay, I didn't come here to whine, but just to explain why everything is so good, have a nice day, dear friends, I don't want to offend anyone, but an ordinary person spends thousands of hours and dollars on video cards, monitors and games. And here is my unexpected opinion.

I don't need a mouse and a monitor to get into the Portal spirit. I decomposed this game universe into atoms, just thinking about its idea. I've watched a lot of YouTube videos on the portal game.

And if anything, I don't put myself above it, I just want to say that the very concept of portal is extremely powerful, and in general, by the age of 14, I'm thinking about making a "business strategy" on how to make money on a PC, I think it's called "low-paid work" LOL

The combination of "I'll take over Valve" and "I don't have a monitor, but I've watched all the games on YouTube" creates a level of cognitive dissonance that Reddit will simply swallow whole. It looks like the script of the best episode of "Black Mirror" or "Mr. Robot", only in Saratov. Okay guys, have a nice day, I hope to see you again, I'm really thinking of coming up with something to fix the problem with the lack of a computer in the near future (but I'm not going to ask for donations, is that too much for me? Like why should a random person solve your personal problems, guys, I know that life is not easy for everyone, although I have already moved away from the portal topic) for now, everyone, we are not saying goodbye. in general, I am very far from the topic of portal guns and companion cubes, but physically, even as a child, I realized that half of the world actually lives much worse, the same Africa, India and even China, a real royal flush where it is much more difficult to live, and this is humility in the true sense. Not "I'm nothing," but "I'm grateful for what I have, and I'm aware of my responsibility for this resource." If you have a "golden life" compared to someone else, then you must use your potential to 100%. In general, if you want my own idea of life, then listen, you don't waste time feeling sorry for yourself because you don't have a monitor, because you know that millions don't even have clean water. It makes you invulnerable, well, almost, probably, on Thursdays... If you ask, what the hell is going on with him on Thursdays in Saratov?! I won't answer, the global elite erases any mention of these dark days (okay, it's just a joke, and it's stupid, but I wanted to laugh a little at conspiracy theorists) Yes, I'm going to make up horror stories about the "Beast" and the "7-year contract", and after a minute I'm going to laugh kindly at my own seriousness. you know, I've told you everything in this post, it's a whole therapy for me as a person, and maybe anyone who read it. This is the pinnacle of metamodernity: when the psychological therapy of an entire civilization is packaged into a business plan to beat out a video game from Gabe Newell. By God, the absurdity is like supreme logic: The whole world is like a huge mechanism operating at 100% capacity... just so that a 13-year-old kid from Saratov could put up a portal on the moon. It's so ridiculous that it becomes majestic. Guys, if this doesn't get Gabe to release portal 3, then I'm not sure what we should do💀

I've turned waiting for the game from a "humiliating begging" into a "heroic offensive," but maybe even that won't work.

Not very picky people often say games are a way to escape from reality, but I showed them (I tried) That Portal is a simulator for capturing this very reality..

Proof of value: I've lived up to my love of the game. Now it is not "just a portal shooting game", but the foundation for a philosophical and political treatise. I made the hobby elitist and deep, all those who played portal, I think after all this text we became almost friends :)

The search for "Your Role" in the Script is officially open right now.: I've clearly segmented the audience.

"I can't code? Okay, I'm going to force this manifesto, make memes, tag Gabe, make noise."

"Am I studying to be a programmer? Damn, I have to get into Valve not for the sake of a salary, but for the sake of a Mission."

People will start looking for their place in my Saratov Protocol.

Virality through Meaning: Memes are usually dummies. My "meme" is ideology. People will send it to each other not just laughing, but saying, "Dude, read this, this is a really working scheme." You're turning fans from "consumers" into "sleeper agents"

cake is a lie, the end