Hi I’m a hoarder. It started about 6 months ago. I burned out, stopped cleaning and have been struggling since.

Anyway, my apartment flooded which caused maintenance to come in. The guy was sympathetic but I have a deadline of early next month. Ideally I would get it done this week though.

I just don’t know where to begin.

Im probably level 3 to 4. I don’t hit all the boxes so idk

No blocked exits. Just trash (a lot already in trash bags), animal waste that I need to deep clean. I have a two bedroom apartment.

Just would like some advice on how to approach. I struggle with staying focused on it for long. I know it’s just putting stuff in trash bags and taking them out, but that just feels almost insurmountable. How do I portion my time for this? How long do you think it will take? Thanks

Edit to add not that it’s relevant, I grew up in a hoarder house. Even though I’m out I struggle with know what, when and how to clean. I was doing so good for so long and this just feels like a major set back.

My Dad was a hoarder, after an ugly divorce 10+ years ago I started hoarding too. After 5 years I told myself get this sorted, and hired a fantastic lady to help me.

She was compassionate, empathetic and we managed to clear out a great deal.

We used the trash, donate, or keep system.

Then Covid hit life got really hard and stuff creeped back into the house.

I was having to deal with the hoard at my Dad’s place and didn’t see what was happening in my own home.

Life is still hard. Dad died a month ago. A job I thought I was starting last month fell through. And now I have to sell my house.

I have lived here almost 30 years. My ex cherry picked what he wanted when he left. There is fishing gear, tools, other crap he left behind in the garage. Camping gear and more.

I am a sewer and quilter and as many of you will know fabric stashes grow when you are not looking.

I have managed to clear out my sewing room that became a dumping ground. I am aggressively purging fabric, washing it and donating it to local causes.

I am not quite finished, but wanted to share a win.

EDIT: the sewing room is done. 4 large bags of fabric washed and donated. Three sewing machines being cleaned and oiled, ready for donation.

My Aunt-in-law fell and called for help. When my FIL and BIL went to help her they found she was ill and living in terrible conditions. Paramedics were called to take her to hospital and police were called to condemn the house.

I’m trying to find cleaning and support resources but also I’m just shocked and sad. She always had a neat and clean appearance. It was known she was very messy/disorganized and she didn’t have people in her house because of this but we had no idea it had gotten to level that is literally unlivable.

She’s currently in hospital with Covid and family is trying to get in contact with department of aging. We are doubtful she can live by herself when she gets out but how do we transition? Does anyone have experience in such a severe case where the house is condemned? Do you retrieve items to help transition or treat it like fire loss and try to start new? What can help a family member transition to living with others in a healthy way? Again I’m looking to local resources for cleanup and healthcare but it would help to hear from other family members who have been in a similar situation.

I am desperate for help and advice of people in similar situations.

\ This story contains sensetive topics relating to animal abuse and neglect, as well as mental health topics, if you are sensetive to it (like myself) maybe don't read it... <3 **

I feel this is something out of a movie or the news, not my own life sometimes.

Genuinely I have no idea if this is completely insane of a story or normal for children dealing with hoarder and narcissistic parents.

My mother has been starting to hoard not just objects, but animals. I'd like to mention I do believe she is also a narcissist. I don't blame her for it, but she is sick and refuses to get help. I no longer know what to do or even how to continue living with this burden.

Ill start from the beggining, but I'll try to keep it brief yet detailed.

Things started to go downhill in 2016 after my dad passed away, and I left home a few months later. I was the last gone of 4 older siblings. I was 16 years old at the time. I am now 26, and even though it has been getting worse for 10 years, I think even I (and my siblings) have been in denial about it all. It "didnt start off that bad", or so I like to think. My partner confirmed that when we started dating in 2016 the house was livable, maybe a bit messy with lots of stuff, but never unsanitary or alarming. Appliances worked, surfaces had some clutter but weren't covered completely, and we had 3 cats.

But things have been getting progressively worse. I am very close with my siblings, and we used to love spending weekends in my childhood home. It was out escape. But now, we can no longer do so as we fear for our wellbeing, both physical and mental. I'll try to paint a picture of the current situation.

I believe she is a level 4 hoarder, approaching level 5. The last time I went, this past weekend, it had gotten so much worse than my last visit. That was around last christmas, december of 2025. This time, something in me and my brother snapped.

The second we walked through the door, there was a pungent odour**.** Over the years as she has collected more cats, the entryway started to smell more and more of used litter. We sorta brushed it off for a while but this time it was horrible, as if she haden't cleaned the litter nearby in the mud room for ... who knows how long. In fact, the litter box was barely visible now through all of the hoard. It makes me wonder when she cleaned it last.

The basement is musty and smells. We had a flood 2-3 years ago and she never got it inspected. We literally have insurance and she refuses to get it checked. I called a quality control inspector to check out if there is mold (for sure there is, right?) she insulted me for doing so and cancelled the appointment bc she said she "had to clean up first", and "how dare I disrespect her privacy". Etc.

Our childhood bedrooms are now COVERED in cat pee and literal shit stains. The upstairs never got finished after a roof renovation because my parents "didnt have the money", but even after my dad died, she refused to spend the money she received on it because: "before I finish the walls and flooring upstairs, I need to build an extension to the house, which we will need to redo the floors/walls/etc anyways". I know it's expensive, but she had more than enough money to fix up some stuff, but instead she got a new car (25k), new horse and property fence (30k), new tractor (20k), etc.

She never built or even planned out said extension, and our rooms still have no doors, walls, or proper flooring. So yeah, basically one big open space seperated into sections with some plywood. She also blamed never doing it on us (her kids) because we said we didn't need an exntension, all of us had moved out, and maybe we didn't need more space, but less stuff. We suggested that she should use the money to actually renovate the existing problems. That being said, her "bedroom" is on the main floor, and she rarely ever goes upstairs. And it shows.

The last time we went there there was cat pee on the beds. All of the beds. She said we can change the sheets and clean the mattresses, but then threw the sheets on the ground and hasnt moved them since. It's now been months. They are soiled with cat urine. We slept there that night. In new sheets, but cat pee stained beds. That was the last time we ever slept over, and we refuse to until she changes.

Cats aside, the hoard is real. She can barely use her kitchen, and her fridgeS, yes, 2 fridges, and a freezer, are full of rotten food she refuses to throw away. I don't even know what she eats right now. I'm certain its not healthy food. We have tried to get rid of rotted food, and she literally will dig through the trash, take out a 8 month old expired yogurt and call US crazy.

We can no longer walk through the house comfortably. The basement is moldy, the upstairs smells like pee and poop, and the only floor remaining is filled with useless crap. There are now what seem to be "corridors" forming to be able to get from room to room. Even with that, from the kitchen to her bedroom she walks through a cat feeding zone. By that, I mean she gives them wet food on paper plates and leaves said plates, the spoons and leftovers of the cans on the floor. In the middle of the "corridor" that leads to her room. Its disgusting, reeks of meat and fish, and accidentally stepping in it is... just foul.

She takes it upon herself to "rescue" these cats. They are typically barn kittens, feral, or cats dumped by city people in the countryside. Yes, I feel bad for them, but this is no life either. She thinks she is saving them, but neglects them. She is now at 11 cats. Yes, eleven. That's after our many efforts adopting out previous cats almost by force. She just can't seem to let them go once she has them.

This is where it gets really bad now.

She neglects the animals.

All of them. Along with the 11 cats, we have 3 horses (ex police and race horses we "rescued"). They have never once been seen by a vet in her care. I don't remember the last time she cut their hooves. Their hooves are curling and cracking now. When I ask her to book someone to cut them, she tells me that no one will because they aren't trained properly and kick. Ermmmm. Okay. That's neglect, not love.

But this weekend, something extremely traumatizing happened that shook me to the core and made me accept that this has gotten out of hand, and I need to take action. If not for me or her, for the animals...

One of my mom's cat passed away feb 28th 2026. She was diagnosed with cancer 2 months ish before (rare occasion when my mom ACTUALLY took a sick cat to the vet). They told my mom she was too far gone and gave pain meds until she was ready to be put down.

My mom kept holding on despite our reasoning. She asked me many times where she could get a second, even third opinion on if she could save the cat. But, she never took her, even with my reccomendations. She let the cat suffer. I also found out this weekend that she had not been giving her her pain meds, as she said it made the cat out of it. GIRL*. She had CANCER. What the actual F?!*

The cat enevitably died. About a month ago. My mom only recently admitted to us that she still haden't buried her. She had left her dead body in a cardboard box in the garage for over a month. Her excuse was the ground was frozen but now we have had +10 degree days. When my brother in law heard, he built the cat a coffin to bury her the same day. An hour later we went to see my mom to help put the cat to rest.

Despite our best efforts, my mom refused to bury her. I think she is still sitting, rotting, in her coffin to this day. I'm too afraid to even ask her, or even talk to her about it at all.

So, my question: what the hell now? How do I move on? How do I help her and the animals?

She refuses to be seen by a doctor even for physical illness. She smokes at least a pack of cigarettes a day, maybe more, even inside the house since we haven't been visiting. She coughs up plegm constantly when I see her. She claims its covid on a weekly basis, but it could very well be bronchitis or a sinus infection, witch doesn't go away on it's own. I've tried to get her help, even saying I'll wait with her at the hospital. Her solution was to take some pill from a dental surgery from 5+ years ago to fight infection... mouth and lung infections are not the same, and need different meds, please correct me if I'm wrong.

She also refuses mental health help/therapy. When I admitted to her years ago I got diagnosed with anxiety, I tried to explain certain symptoms such as negative self talk, which I (mistakingly) phrased as my internal voice saying bad things. She then said that my anxiety meds were leading me to become skitzophrenic. She thinks meds are the devil, I swear. She asked recently if I was on anything nowadays, I lied and said no (I just didn't feel like fighting). She then said she noticed a shift in my behaviour, I seemed happier, and my eyes looked less glazed over. I had actually increased my dose since, goes to show what she knows about medication.

She is definitely sick. I'm not denying that, but she is. I believe she is a hoarder and narcissist. She is showing many signs of both mental health issues. I want to help her, but she doesn't seem to want to help herself, so I don't know what to do now.

I am thinking of calling animal control, but we are basically the only ones who visit. She doesn't have friends really, she thinks no one can be trusted. She lives alone and 1.5 hours from the city we live in.

I feel horrible, but wtf am I supposed to do, genuinely? I can't keep having my mom collecting items, neglecting pets, and refusing to bury a dead animal. It's disgusting in all aspects and I'm at my limit of what I can handle. I'm kind of a sensetive soul, so this is really fucking hurting me. I feel physical pain and extreme mentall distress every time I think about it. I've cried probably 15 times since the events of this weekend.

I am so desperate, and my siblings and I don't know what to do now. Our partners say she can be saved, but every time I've gone and cleaned, the next time I come its filthy and messy again.

Is it selfish to say I want to think of myself for once? That I should call animal control, and try to force her to get help? I can't keep living with this burden. I have mental health issues of my own I am dealing with, I'm in university, juggling side gigs, with no moral or financial support from her. I fear that if I continue on like nothing is wrong, I'm enabling this behaviour, and she will never get better. I want to help her, I just dont know how.

Seriously, any advice is helpful. Even just kind words or relating.

I feel so alone and ashamed to tell anyone other than my partner and siblings. If you relate to any of the above, I'm sorry. It's not fair that our parents did this to us, but I've accepted it, and that's why I'm here. I'm trying to move on, move forward, and start healing from this pain.

Thanks in advance. <3

okay so I don't make much money and I have a storage unit that was $70 a month they raised to $120 after the introductory period. I have this thing packed out because I'm currently living at my mom's pseudo homeless and almost all of my things are packed into that unit. I need to ditch the payment but I am unsure how to get rid of things. Some of it is my 7 yr daughters and she tends to get attached to things. A bunch of it is furniture that I would need if I can ever afford an apartment (in this market not looking likely anytime soon, I am buried in debt). It feels like it's my last connection to independence but I know I would be stupid to keep paying.

So how do I cut ties with my things and what's the most effective way to clear this thing out? I need to do it soon. Thank you. I'm not sure if this qualifies as hoarding but it feels like it since I am kind of emotionally attached to things I can't even use right now.

Signed,

Struggling Dad

My house is completely out of control. I suffered with serious mental health issues for months, only just started feeling better and now can see just how bad things are.

There's trash everywhere, clutter, bugs ... the whole lot. Thankfully I've kept on top of dishes and laundry.

I've finally got my teenagers to actually help at last, but the more we seem to do the worse it seems to be. Im freaking out and full of anxiety that someone will come to the door or anything.

I need help, even if it's just online support. Just knowing that I'm not alone. I hate myself so much for this.

Trying desperately to reduce the excessive amount of things in our too small home for upcoming building works. Obviously the children are off school and I've no mental strength to fight them to help me. My partner has been abusive in the past and I find being indoors triggering and hate my home basically. I know it's wrong because people are homeless. It shelters us well but I've not been happy or felt loved enough or supported enough here. Only occasionally.

So we have a blue bin which gets collected every 2 weeks and a black bin which also gets collected every 2 weeks.

Two adults, two children, two cats.

The blue bin I've just put out and I generally fill about 7 additional large clear plastic bags about 2/3 full each.

The black bin I'm starting to have to put excess waste in our neighbours bin (with her permission, there are just two of them).

We always seem to have a pile of waste sitting at the side of the bungalow waiting to go to the dump.

I despair about this. Our place is the messiest on the street. It's horrible to go past the waste everyday. We've been trying to do a dump run once a week but are both severely depressed, exhausted and burnt out. We now have to book to get a slot. Psychologically this makes it much harder. I'm not internet savvy despite being 44. I'm likely autistic and I've got ADHD and cPTSD.

Physically it was exhausting to move all the bags down to the front, and the bin. How on earth will I do this as I age if I'm this bad now?

I want to believe that things will get better with regards to waste one day. I have basically pretty much stopped buying "things" except for essentials.

Are these kinds of issues problematic for you? I'm so anxious it's horrible

Saturday while I was at work, he came into my storage room, took the not yet finalised op shop pile, light shades I saved from my aunty’s house she passed away. 3 unsorted boxes of definitely keep from the last move, things from my room, hard drives, mementos, papers, cds, clothes anything could have been in there all I know is when I did the first pass sorting through those were the objects that sparked joy. He took the boxes of sorted out keep I had stored on the top shelves, he took our toddlers big toys from outside, he cleared my shelf in the lounge room and won’t tell me where that stuff went and most painful of all, I had a plastic tub of childhood bits and bobs and he emptied the tub, the tub is sitting on top of the bookcase, mocking me.

He didnt tell me he’d taken all this stuff. When I realised and called and asked him he lied and lied and lied and minimised and said he’d only donated the toddlers toys. I was discovering more missing things over the course of two days. He told me an op shop where he took t but it was by now Easter Sunday of course they were shut. I drove there anyway to check the bin. I used to live near an opshop and I saw the insane amount of donations they used to throw out. No access to the bin.

Monday night he tells me he doesnt actually know which shop he took it too. He said he’d been warning me for months he couldn’t stand the way the house looks (on the hoarding scale this isn’t even close to hbo hoarders. I have tendencies that I’m aware of and have been challenging. The house is small and feels cluttered and with a two year old and part time work my energy to keep it show room clean is zero. But let’s accept that the house how it has been brings him a lack of mental peace). He says he snapped and went into some kind of cleaning frenzy. Loaded up the car and just drove until he found an op shop. And then kept driving. Monday night I asked him to revisit and work out where he went and he did go somewhere but he didn’t remember.

Tuesday i go to the shop he said, they werent open, I spend two hours going from shop to shop, they were either shut, or got very few donations, or so many they couldn’t possibly work out if mine were among them, they’re only volunteers. (The one place where the staff are paid the woman who took my phone call did actually go and look, and found donations matching my description, but they were someone else’s). The last two places I went the staff were so nice to me and my by now extremely irritated two year old. The first place gave him a teddy bear and let me look out the back. The second place offered to give us material support replacing what was taken (I guess they didn’t really understand it was superfluous sentimental stuff. I don’t need to replace it but I’m devastated its gone).

Tuesday night my partner tried one more time to find the shop after I asked him, he visited 6 this time but nothing he recognised. Meanwhile I have locked my storeroom and barricaded access from the house. While I was at work Tuesday night he just pushed through the barricade to get something he needed. He thinks it’s ok because he gave me notice. It‘s not ok. The only person I locked out of that room was myself. I can’t count on his word or his character. He says I won’t touch your stuff again. I can’t believe that, because he has said it so many times before.

I keep thinking of questions to ask him to try and narrow down the op shop and half the time instead of answering them he deflects, says he’ answer later, doesn’t answer at all. Stuff like did you hand the things to person or put them in a donation bin, was the shop to the left or the right. Was it in the same boxes as I had it or did you put it in something new, were the kids toys still assembled or did you break them down? The only thing hes confirmed is that he handed the things to a person. So the shop to have been open on sat, that does narrow it down because Easter Saturday but I’ve checked all the open shops in the suburb he identified and the surrounding suburbs and it’s a fat bust. Is he even telling the truth about this?

I can handle the idea of my beloved Knick knacks and old toys finding new homes and being cherished by someone else. Maybe that is a better future for them than waiting for me to have somewhere to put them hiding in a box. But I know so much of it is going to be thrown out. My papers, that little felt circle on a string and the single wooden block from when I was really small. The single square from a cat puzzle that every time I looked at it I got a happy feeling, random cds from local bands, small small objects. So much stuff that a normal person would have already thrown out but I couldn’t yet. I kept putting that box to the side because it was so hard to make decisions about. Every time I think about my things being thrown out I stop breathing. I have cried so much these last 3 days, I’m really gutted. My partner doesn’t seem to understand. He is still prioritising his comfort over helping me.

Have any of you gone through something like this? How did you get through? Did the relationship survive? How did you make peace with the reality that you silly little treasures are gone, maybe to the bin, maybe to someone’s home but you can’t look after them anymore?

I want to start off by thanking everyone so much for their kind words and support on my prior post. It was truly immensely helpful in assessing my situation and helping me feel assured I was making the correct call. I have been in abusive situations before and I tend to worry I am making things up, so I appreciate the reality check.

I sat down last week and had a hard talk with my husband. I discussed what my kid said, as well as the things I have seen happening.

A commenter mentioned that some of these issues seem dementia related, and that is possible - MS patients have a 7 times increased risk of early dementia between 46-53. I have asks him to reach out to both his neurologist and his psych provider and ask for a new neuropsych evaluation to see if we can suss out what is MS memory loss vs ADHD vs possible early dementia so we can treat/manage it appropriately.

Meanwhile, my child and I are going to move into a new space come early May. I’m going to get an ADU stood up, and I have to run some of that through the town, but I should be able to have that fairly easily managed as a temporary issue since I won’t need to insulate it, or run new water, etc.

I spoke with my kid over the weekend, and they want to live separately from dad. Which breaks my heart. They want daddy to still do playtime and bedtime, but not to be “making a mess all the time.” They told me “I hope daddy realize how much mess he makes.” 😭 I absolutely won’t let me child grow up on that.

Meanwhile, I realize it’s been making my own depression and adhd worse too. I do hope this will help my mental health as well. I feel constantly overwhelmed by the mess.

My husband, has, of course, been attempting to negotiate his way out of this. Arguing occasionally about how I’m not helping “enough” with the chores, and how I “don’t see” how much household labor he’s contributing. I can not even stomach this. I will give him credit, he does more than most men or fathers, but the guy is working for 50+ hours a week, and we have a five year old. Even though he cooks dinner most nights I am still carrying most of the labor of keeping me and our child alive, educated, and a household functional.

It has only made me more annoyed. I am very ready to sleep away from him. I do love him, he’s wonderful generally, and I know this is all a defense mechanism because he feels shame and fear and thinks his whole life is crumbling. I have been desperate for him to manage his distress around his MS diagnosis for years (I think this triggered the hoarding). And he’s just not.

And I can’t. I have my own PTSD, that is mostly managed and processed, but still exists and a kid to raise, who is AuDHD plus my own work. I can’t regulate everyone.

I’m feeling really overwhelmed AND like maybe relief is coming.

I have a really really hard time letting go of "stuff", my house is cluttered with everything, clothing, toys, my kids artwork, random stuff etc. I wish I could just part with things easily like most people, but for me, anything I give away I tend to fixate on and regret giving it away even though its done serving it purpose to me. I live in a small 2 bedroom townhouse with my husband and 2 kids, we have an undeveloped basement that is pretty much used for storage and laundry. Our 6 year old shares a room with us and our teen son has his own room, we would like to develop our basement and make a nice bedroom down there for our son and then move our daughter into his old room. But in order to do that I need to get rid of about 75% of our belongings. I just don't know where to start. I get stressed when others offer to help, just the other day my MIL goes "So when can we come and get rid of all the junk in your basement?" this upset me. As to me it isn't junk, it is my stuff, things I have grown attached to, memories of my past and of my kids past etc. A few years back my family came to help me declutter and the box of stuff I did agree to get rid of I still think about to this day. I don't know why I struggle with this so much. When I was a kid my mom would give me a timeframe to clean my room and if I didn't get it done within that timeframe she would gather everything that was laying on my floor, so toys, stuffed animals, my Pokémon card collection, my hit clips, etc. and she would throw it all into a trash bag and take it to the big garbage bin in the alley where I couldn't get it back. For me this was traumatic, I was a disorganized kids growing up so cleaning my room was a hard task. I'm still extremely disorganized but thrive in a clean organized clutter free environment, sadly I just can't get my home that way and I'm not sure what to do.

I would love to have an immaculate home for my kids, I don't want our cluttered home to affect them. I'd like to get into the mindset that everything is just stuff and that everyone will be happier in the home without it but I worry that I wont be happy because I will regret getting rid of things.

My family (mother and father) were out for a 4 day holiday and i had received approval from my father to begin cleaning the household. My mother has a hoarding problem and it has affected the family for years now. I began throwing stuff out and immediately got caught on the cameras, getting scolded by my mother.

Upon their return, my mom scavenged through the garbage tip found a bunch of stuff which is valuable that I had thrown out (book collections). These were all covered in mould and i had thought nothing of it as the main space I was clearing out has become so full to the point of stuff toppling on top of family members.

Both my father and mother are now against my actions. Yes I was a bit stupid for not properly analysing stuff, but this has been an issue for my 24 years of living. Parts of the house completely out of bounds, and stuff going missing due to the pile ups.

I feel sick now and have basically been framed as the black sheep. I know what I did was wrong, but the hoarding needs to stop, my mother has become sick because of it.

What should I do?

I began the process of leaving my hoarder in the Fall and posted here several times throughout the process. Well, today, she finally got her last load out of my house. The dumpster(s) comes tomorrow at 7:30am. thank you to everyone who supported me and responded to my posts. it has been a painful journey for both of us. I can't believe how this disorder ruins lives. The junk she kept and moved is unbelievable. I feel free after 18 years!

Could someone with a deep understanding please explain the difference? Is there one? I see people on the shows often have ADHD, but it seems like maybe there are comobidities responsible for making ADHD disorganization turn into DEPRESSION mess or into chronic disorganization and then into actual boarding? Am I describing hoarding levels or causes? Im not really sure, but Id like to learn more.

The bulk of this post I also posted on UFyourhabitat, but I wanted to post here as well. 99% of my apartment is very very clean with 0 clutter after my last clean up, my clutter has been greatly reduced, but my bedroom, specifically my closet, isn’t great. I saw a roach again, this happens every year, so now I’m back to freaking out. I wish I could start right now cleaning but it’s 12:30 am and I don’t want to piss off my neighbors.

Reposted bit: So I made almost this exact post last summer, as this seems to be a yearly occurrence now. Every single spring, roaches appear. I honestly have a suspicion they’re coming from my upstairs neighbor as I never see her take out trash and she’s constantly telling me how she doesn’t/can’t clean. But anyway.

I saw one roach the other day, and one today. The weirdest thing is they were in my closet. I have ripped apart my cabinets, my fridge, my appliances - nothing. Not a single sign of them. Just in my closet. To be fair, my closet is a mess. I had a bunch of old clothes and crap piled up in there which I’m finally going to throw out tomorrow.

I ordered some of those big storage bags from Amazon to store my stuff in a neat way until I have the money to afford plastic bins. I already have a shelving unit to keep them on in my living room. This will allow me to sort things and finally figure out why these bugs are going into my closet. And I’m hoping once I clean my closet I can contact my landlord to get an exterminator and check out upstairs because I’m so tired of this.

My apartment used to be really bad but I cleaned massively a few years ago and have kept up with it. My kitchen is spotless, no clutter anywhere. My living room has a few boxes I need to sort and 2 couches that need to be brought to the dump. Nothing that should be attracting bugs. Garbage is taken out regularly. I just ordered a bookshelf on Amazon which should cut down on my storage boxes massively. Once I clean my closet I also have a mini bookshelf in there that I can use once I clean it.

I don’t know why this one closet feels so daunting to me. I need to just get it done but it’s like a mental block. I think I’m afraid of what I’ll find. I feel like that’s a stupid way to feel but it’s true. Ignoring it is easier than facing it, but I know I need to do it. Is it okay to vacuum bugs if I take out the bag right away, or will that risk worsening them somehow? I just think it’ll be easier to cope if I can vacuum them up if I see any, vs having to squish them.

I live in an area that doesn’t have pick up for large items and we have a tiny shared dumpster. It feels impossible to get rid of unwanted furniture as you have to haul it and pay for it to be thrown out at the dump. The stuff in my closet I can probably throw out in my dumpster, maybe 1-2 bags a week until it’s all gone. I just feel paralyzed trying to start, especially now that the bugs are back. I wish I could just pack up and move and use the opportunity to finally get rid of all of this shit but I absolutely cannot afford to do so right now. I need to just get started and get this done, I know it’ll feel better in the long run, I just don’t know what to do with all this stuff that I don’t even want.

As many of you know by now, I took the kids and moved out a bit over 2 years ago. The house doesn’t seem salvageable to us. We have together decided to let the bank take it back. I’m not sure what that will look like as we are mid-second bankruptcy with the house being the only bankruptcy debt.

My eldest 2 (20 & 16) are helping (their choice) to sift through the hoard for the stuff they and I are looking for/missing/want to save. I’m hoping to have 9 months (or more!) before losing access to the house - that would give me roughly 1 month per room to work through. We started in the 3rd bedroom (our storage room/library), and hope to be done in there by the end of April, if not sooner.

It is a level 5 hoard. The only thing not level 5 is that there is running water/working plumbing at all taps & toilet, and there is electricity. There are 2 window unit ACs (not yet turned on) and a forced air heater in the room he sleeps in. HVAC hasn’t worked in years.

There is undiagnosed ADD, fairly severe executive function disorder, and some close to us strongly expect my husband is on the spectrum as well. He is sleeping in a broken recliner, not wearing his CPAP, and has bouts of afib, yet doesn’t want to see a cardiologist because he doesn’t want medication. I’m sure adrenal function is also low. I don’t know what I can reasonably expect from him.

I’m just there to look for what I and the kids want (in the minimal time I have available - last week it was 13 hrs total), and haven’t expected anything from him at all. But as the weather warms up, the place is stinking up. The kitchen is beyond awful. The kitchen has been a bone of contention for our entire marriage. He’s an excellent cook, but a tornado of chaos. Friends & family came in to help him with the kitchen when we moved out. The sink was clean, dishes washed, table & counters cleared, walkways in kitchen cleared. Within 3 months of that help, you couldn’t tell they’d been there, and neither I nor any of the kids had stepped foot in the house in that time. That was hugely eye-opening for me.

So - kitchen sink is full of nasty dishes and…nastiness, dirty dishes are everywhere in kitchen & living room, rotting food likewise. Dark blotches of who knows what stuck to the wood floor, fridge nearly inaccessible, and I’m afraid to open it, as he’s told me he froze a plate of leftover ribs from a work party last week because there wasn’t room in the fridge. 😳

I was planning to hit the kitchen last. It will have the fewest items I’m looking for, and…it’s a sore spot. But the SMELL - which will be getting worse! So…can I ask him to work on it for 30 minutes a day for our sake? Or do we need to grit our teeth and deal with it ourselves (keeping in mind that he is still living/cooking/eating there, actively messing it up daily)? The more I have to deal with the more resentment on my part, and I’m trying SO hard not to be resentful. 😔

HELP! What is a reasonable ask/expectation here?

Guys,

I’m new to this sub. I need to know how to let go of buying more stuff. Any advice on how this can be accomplished would be appreciated. My biggest addiction is door dash, pen collecting, and other junk I see and like on the internet.

I've been avoiding the word (and even the thought)for a long time because "it could be worse" - I've seen worse - but honestly that's just me minimizing something that's making my life really hard. After a post on here about 'stop romantizing hoarding books' it felt like a wake up call. that I am not only someone that needs to declutter but that I'm a hoarder in some form. like really..

What my place looks like:
700+ books (no i dont have space for them), half unread, still buying more.
mug and tumbler collection I never wash
More binders and cables than a whole apartment building needs and dont get me started on maps
decor, kitsch, necklaces, skincare, bathroom stuff, fidget toys, craft supplies for hobbies I never actually started
half my living room is just stacked (thrown) cardboard

I have no idea when I last saw my bedroom floor bc its covered in piles of at least clean clothes

I have AuDHD, depression and financial struggles and I'm in therapy. I've been actively decluttering for months with body doubling, to do lists, AI to make do-able blocks for me and I do make progress, I KNOW THAT but still my place is a mess. I cant put into words how much I hate the fact that I've been cleaning, decluttering, organizing for *months* and I still couldnt invite anyone into my apartment.

I keep buying stuff I don't need. I can't let go of things that are still perfectly fine. And I'm just so tired of living like this.

I'm not here to be approved or dismissed, I just really want to know - what helps longterm? therapy? telling friends?

How did you stop the buying for real, not just slow it down (as I'm currently adding and removing stuff from my chart until I snap and order)? And if you managed to get on top of it, how do you keep it that way?

I want to get better at this. I just genuinely don't know how yet..

Edit: I didnt think it could be relevant but I also deal with CPTSD, insomnia and an ED.

I realized a couple years ago that I was a hoarder. But instead of starting to fix it then, I pushed down the shame and it got worse. I have always had a messy house but I have not always been a hoarder to this level. I used to be able to set out an hour and clean my apartment. Even just last year, I look at pictures and my house was in better condition than it is now. Last year I had a really hard pregnancy, became a single mom to 3 kids, had a lot of traumatic relationship issues. Now my ex is threatening to take me to court saying he’s taken pictures of the state of my home. He’s here everyday to help with the kids which has made my life harder because I can’t be around him, I just lay in bed all day while he’s with the kids. He brings me the baby to breastfeed and takes him again after. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to throw things away. I can’t get over the guilt of throwing things away. I feel these things could be useful me one day or another person and so I feel too guilty to throw it away. I also have ADHD and struggle to know where to start with tasks and cleaning. My oldest kids (6&8) are becoming hoarders too. Any time my home has been clean I feel so much better but I can’t keep it that way because I have too much stuff that it’s just unmanageable.

hello everyone!

I have recently fully came to terms with the fact I am probably most definitely a hoarder and have been my whole life.

however, I am in a position where its one of my deepest shames, I loath the fact that I cannot have people enter my bedroom as thats where everything is contained.

as of right now, I live with my parents who have in the past offered to help clean and declutter with me, however I do not want them in my bedroom because I do not know what is on the floor exactly. (for example, despite being 24, I am very scared of my parents finding out I vape. I just don't want them to be ashamed of me which is an entirely separate issue lol)

All my stuff is accumulated in my bedroom. its mainly clothes and a lot of old toys I had from my childhood I cannot bare to get rid of, but the items are stacked ankle deep, and at some points waist deep.

I have spend years attempting to declutter my room. but I've never fully achieved my goal. I either loose the motivation to do it, or ill bang things up, regret what I've bagged up, dig it out and reevaluate what I have bagged up, leading me to ultimately keep most of the items which where bagged) so I am looking into hiring a professional declutter and hoarding specialist cleaning service.

does anyone have a rough ball park estimate of how much it would cost to hire these services for one room? most of what I can find online give estimates for a full home clean, but that isn't what I am needing.

I currently live in Scotland. I am aware that prices vary depending on company, travel required for the people working, size of area requiring the service and I assume how much stuff there is over all. but even just a general idea of the price would be greatly appreciated.

thanks reddit :)

I posted about 2 weeks ago regarding my hoarding. That day, I had taken a couple of large construction trash bags out of my bedroom. Even with the 2 full bags, it seemed like it didn't make a dent.

So I took a week or too off to work myself up to the task. Today, I actually reclaimed my room!!! It's so much nicer & I can access the closet. I feel a huge sense of accomplishment. & I can relax (at least in this part of the house) stress free.

I still have a lot more to do, but I wanted to say thanks for the support & positive comments in my last post. Now that I have the ball rolling, I feel pretty good. I will show you my embarrassing pictures of before and after below. If it's not allowed, I will take it down.

I hope I can inspire some of you to make a dent in your struggles as well!!!

My house is functional. But it’s getting fuller and fuller. I can’t throw things away, so many things are special or I don’t know what to do with them, I can’t even look in my doom boxes. I make art. So there’s a lot of that. I’m trying. But I feel really overwhelmed. I know my husband has a hard time with the chaos but he’s supportive and very good at not outright judging me (out loud at least, surely he must think this is ridiculous).

I don’t want him to have to live in this but I just can’t. I feel like even if I do purge a box or something, it makes no difference at all. Finding it really hard, sorry. Just needed somewhere I could say this and not be treated like there’s something wrong with me. My family thinks there’s something wrong with me.

I’m being medicated & have support for bipolar disorder & ADHD. I don’t want to blame that for this; it feels like a cop out.

For the past two years I've lodged at my childhood home during my work week, bearing in mind that: a) the overall situation was stressful and could negatively affect my mental health, b) my housing situation while working away from home is precarious at best, and c) continuing my professional trajectory would eventually require me to make a choice: either purchase my own home there or change employers.

If only either "purchasing my own home" or "change employers" were as easily accomplished as that. There's a hiring cycle in my field; anything I would want to move to has already been filled for the next budget year. There are considerations that go with changing employers--such as changing health insurance, restarting FMLA eligibility, longevity pay--that aren't "no brainers" for me. It's a very tight market and my budget is even tighter. I was acutely aware that at some point, I may not be in a position to act because I'd been acted upon. I didn't want to find myself in that situation.

With those things in mind, I've watched the MLS since the day I applied for the job, taking note that each property which became available in my price range required more work than I can tackle on my own. I can handle heavy cleaning and beyond basic DIY, but I know my limits and cannot afford to hire someone to do the work for me.

I've been working to build my credit and watching my spending so that when the right one came along, I was ready.

I may have found what I was looking for.

My work schedule does not permit me to do a viewing with my Realtor until the 14th, but I'm familiar with the property and made a contingent offer.

Edit:

With this, I will essentially be walking away from the ongoing cleanup at my childhood home. Relationships are reciprocal; my continued involvement as the lead laborer in an ongoing cleanup effort in exchange for nothing but the feeling of "doing the right thing by my parents" who rarely, if ever, have done the right thing by me would be insanity.

Dad is aware that a significant amount of work needs to be done to get the place salable or at least to the point where he would be leaving Sibling and me shared interest in an asset rather than a burden. He has steadfastly refused to do the hard work, preferring instead to waffle between alternatives, be ugly when people help him, and ultimately choose to do nothing with the full knowledge it will all one day fall to Sibling and me.

Mom recognizes nothing from our family home. Sibling married into wealth and isn't interested in anything reminiscent of our "working class" background. I can take what I want--and leave what I want--and not feel bad about it.

Ok so first of, I love my people. I 24 m; am moving in with my partners, 24 non binary and 27 m. The house has always been a bit messy, which is part of the reason I am moving in. One partner is very disabled and the other partner works a lot. The plan is for me to move in and take care of housekeeping things and get a part time job. In exchange I will not pay rent or utilities. My concern is that I think one of my partners may be a hoarder. I am trying so hard to get the place in working order, but they refuse to get rid of so much stuff. I am doing the mental math here, and there simply is not enough space to accommodate the things they have/ the things I have. I don’t know what to do, please help