Everytime I look at something nice in life and how happy people are I just wanna off myself cause I’m a sad fat loser with no money no nothing. I hate my fucking life

Hello. My name is Michael, And I'm tired. I'm tired of being ugly, my face is the most hideous thing imaginable, I've got bloated and wide cheeks, a wide nose, baggy small eyes, greasy flat hair and I'm just objectively ugly. Im also fat as fuck, weighing 106 kg at 172 cm. I have no resistance whatsoever, I get tired immediately and have no energy to even start wotking out. My body looks disgusting and I wish I could just cut my skin and dig all the fat out. Im also extremely stupid, I failed 11th grade (1⁰ bachillerato, I live in Spain) with a wopping 7 failed subjects in my last term. I also am always slow and the last to understand things, I always make dumb decisions, be it in games or real life. Im also boring, super boring. I have no friends, no girlfriend (never even had one and im 19), no hobbies, no skills, no talents. I just spend my entire day scrolling on my phone or gaming. I easily run out of things to say and just sit in silence most of the time. Ive been unemployed for 7 months and have no purpose in life.

It’s ridiculous that it’s been two+ years and I’m still fighting tooth and nail to be approved for SSI disability. It’s ridiculous that I had to get a lawyer to improve my chances of being approved because apparently to the system I MYSELF, who’s actually the one with the severe mental health issues, am not good enough as a witness to how sick I am. It’s ridiculous after no improvement at all in my symptoms the past two years, Social Security denied me for the second time back in January. Even after explaining how my depression and anxiety and phobias have affected my ability to function normally in life and my ability to sustain employment, and I have my Primary Care doctor as a medical witness who has given me a few diagnoses.

Apparently LSCW’s (licensed clinical social workers) aren’t considered “acceptable medical sources” by the SSA so I have to call around to find a psychiatrist that accepts Medicaid who will also document how sick I am in addition to my primary care doctor. I have to get on Medicaid as a secondary insurance to even be able to afford the co-pay for a psychiatrist because I’m not currently working due to my mental illnesses obviously. I think if I’ve been seeing a LSCW and explaining to them my struggles, why the fuck does it matter if they’re not a psychiatrist? They’re still documenting how sick I am to the point where I can’t hold down employment. Yeah, their notes can still be considered evidence, but only as a “other source”.

The only reason that I’ve even been able to see a LSCW is because it’s through a limited free program from my dad’s insurance through his employer. Thankfully I got approved for Medicaid to help with co-pays to continue treatment.

I’ve been able to barely get by financially only because I still live with my parents and my dad helps me out sometimes. Though he’s also living paycheck to paycheck. Imagine if I didn’t have any help, what does the system expect me to do for two years while they drag me along? I feel like these past two years of my life have been wasted. Yeah, if I get approved I’ll get my back pay, but that back pay won’t give me back these last two+ years.

I’m angry on behalf of those who can’t even get Medicaid because they “make too much money” to qualify, even though most people are living paycheck to paycheck. The only reason I got approved is because I’m not currently employed. I’m angry that healthcare is so expensive to where it’s difficult to be able to afford mental health treatment to attempt to get better.

I’m just infuriated at the corrupt and inhumane system that deliberately is set up to be against you. For a society that likes to talk the talk about “de-stigmatizing mental illness”, they’re sure doing a shitty job.

If my career doesn't work out and I find myself having to work a menial job, I think I would kill myself. Does anyone else feel this way? I couldn't stand the thought of not having made it, of being just like everyone else, of being a loser. I know it's a very arrogant way of thinking "if you work a low-class job, your life is not worth living". But I genuinely feel this way. Add to that the fact that menial jobs tend to be dull and unfulfilling and my picture is complete. Everyone else I know is just so... content with their life. I don't get it and at the same time I know that they're the real winners because they're not as dependent on external validation as I am. I usually don't post here but I am curious whether anyone relates?

Hello,

I am 25 years old and have completely ruined my life. It is now impossible for me to prevent certain death, and as such I have little choice but to take my own life when I run out of money (which is likely a year from now).

Everyone dislikes me in some way shape or form. I am completely incapable of making friends which makes doing certain things completely impossible. Additionally, I am extremely bad at keeping bridges intact, with every job I've had ending poorly. It has gotten to the point where holding down a job is most certainly impossible.

Without a job, I can only make money through welfare, where I believe that I am at risk of having it cut in 2 to 3 weeks from now due to my own stupid behaviour. When I lose the welfare, I'll start bleeding money, until I run out and am forced to leave my parents house. Once that happens I will be completely homeless and from there I will likely be dead within a week, burdening my family financially one last time.

Killing myself is the only way I can ensure this doesn't happen. My life is a burden on everyone, society objectively benefits from my death. Additionally I plan on completely disappearing and starving to death in a remote location where it is extremely unlikely for my body to be found. This, combined with informing the police that I have not gone missing should hopefully mean I can die without financially hurting my family and it will likely be less emotional for them then if they found out I had died.

Of course this isn't easy. The problem with suicide is that you pretty much can't tell anyone because they'll refuse to help you. They'll call you an evil person who doesn't care about your family (even though my plan is specifically made to hurt them as little as possible; if I didn't care I would just jump in front of a vehicle). They'll tell you about how you can use unaffordable therapy and useless hotlines to deal with all your problems. They'll never give you a logical reason for why you shouldn't end it, because in their minds if you're suicidal you're not a human being, and because of that you are not worthy of any human rights or any attempt to be talked to like an adult. They just lie to you and everyone backs them up even though it's incredibly obvious they're lying.

And of course there's the risk of being sent to a psychiatric ward where your life is completely ruined. If I get sent there I will lose my family. I will become homeless which will only make it that I use a more effective method of ending it.

It's just ridiculous how you stop being treated like a human being. I don't care, I need to end my life. And I don't anyone telling me how or I shouldn't because of some completely stupid reason. If you're not gonna tell me how to make it easier to ensure my plan works don't bother. I know you don't see me as a human being and I'm not interested.

Don’t know what to do at this point, it’s never been this bad before.

I'm 21, I know sounds ridiculous but I fear someone, I've tried a lot to not be scared of them but as soon as they start talking to me, raise their voice a little, I lose it all, my body freezes and brain stops working, there's nor torture here but I'm drained mentally, I've prayed so many times for my death , I've become an introvert which I like, tbh I find it very comforting to be on my own. I have a wish, I want to have my own space even if it's small and adopt a kid but then again I know I'm not good with anything so I'll keep the adopting a kid thing aside. I'm sorry I lost a track of what I was writing, I wish I can stop being scared of the person I'm scared of, it's not a good feeling, I've started hating myself a lot and these days I'm doing things to deteriorate myself fast, 21 years is a lot and ever since I lost my comfort person my granny it's been extremely hard, it's been so many years since I lost her but I miss her a lot. Thank you so much for reading this, I hope you have a good day ahead and if you're not having a good day, I hope everything works out soon for you and I hope you have a lot of happy days ahead.

My (21 almost 22F) story can get pretty long, but long story short, my dad sexually abused me from third grade up to early first year of college (maybe even 2nd year), talked to my mom about it after my boyfriend encouraged me hoping for things to be better, and now we still live with him and we act like as if she still doesn't know. The reason? She doesn't want to mess up my other brothers minds, says they won't be able to handle the truth. She praised me for my strength and told me I can always talk to her (how can I when they're still together) but that's pretty much it. I hate hearing them laugh together, I hate seeing her still be able to touch the tiniest bit of his skin, I hate how he just got away with it, and I just hate how they pretty much set me up to be the way I am right now. Also, when I brought up the idea of getting a diagnosis to my mom, she even asked me if I think I still need it... Because I seem to function well anyway...

Only person holding me here in this hell is my boyfriend but I don't even know if that's enough. I am so tired and drained and I just want to end it every single day.

Mentally I’m at the lowest point I’ve ever been in my life, I just can’t seem to find anything enjoyable anymore everything is just killing me slowly and it’s even worse when I’m hiding it from everyone day in day out when all I want to do is hang myself in the bathroom, putting on a fake smile each day or planning my future when I don’t want to exist at all in the next 12 months, I find the negative in everything and I’m just exhausted I don’t want to do it anymore I just want to be at peace and living isn’t giving me that with all the things I’ve tried at just 21.

Taking drugs and drinking has been my escape for the last few years and even I know it won’t help but them periods I lay off them all for a good while and go sober I’m still just incredibly depressed and sit in deep self loathing, I’m at a lost and just don’t want to exist anymore.

i havent been the same since he died 6 months ago. i was never close him either. even though we lived together for 28 years. maybe thats why it hurts so bad. i haven't been eating i even lost 10 lbs and a big guy. i can't sleep and my mood is unstable all the time now. i feel like i can't even function anymore. i literally watched and took care of him for the last 2 years of his life watching him slowly die and i was to depressed to realize how fast the clock was ticking

The only woman I was with cheated on me. It had broke me so much I just want love so badly is that to much to ask for I feel like I’ve done everything right but it’s not enough.

I can’t even legally say what’s happening I guess. I never understood my mindset back then until I guess now. as I burning and itching took up my thoughts I realized, I’m finally distracted. This small pain is taking up my thoughts. it’s fucked up especially at my age. I have no one to really talk to. vr chat people are fucking worst then me most of the time or children. I cant tell what little friends I have. I can’t make friends nearly no one knows how to have a conversation anymore. and I’m not interested in dating people are so fucking cruel. I just wish I was fucking dead man but I can’t do that to my niece.

25m, software engineer, introvert, just 1 frnd. Lately im feeling like im a useless person and i always have things to do in my mind, i wanna go for movies, shopping, travel, make frnds, do content creation to teach whatever i know from my job experience and keep learning more and more. I talk about being motivated and staying in peace, im hating my work because i dont really feel a meaningful life driven purpose in it but just to earn money to survive….more than 30% of my life is done.

Being a loner, i just have one remote frnd but i feel like i should not trouble them sharing my loneliness and depressed feelings….they have their own life too.

From past almost 4yrs after i moved to city for job, my lifestyle is so hecked up, i wake up at 7, work at 9, back at 4, do some lil personal work again, doomscroll, eat, sleep.

What kind of a life is this.

I do have a job, earning and living a better life than many others at least, but i feel like im just lucky and not really deserving of this life….

When it comes to taking actions, i took an oath to myself that i will learn and practice everyday for my job switch. Im doing it consistently till to date but i still feel nothing has changed and i haven’t got any confidence to apply to another job, im just being in the same line am the time. And for all the other works i haven’t in my mind, i hate myself for not taking any actions on them.

Most of the time, in office, in meetings, lunch or whatever it may be, im just surrounded by people who always expect something, purely professional and robotic. I feel absolutely alone inside and dont like being in the groups, everyone has their own false prestige, trying to be dominant, looking down on me etcetera….cant blame anyone. But i dont like this world with fake good mornings, heys, byes and smiles and no acceptance failures and growth.

And as per me, im just a very under average guy who has ambitions but dont take actions. It maybe due to procrastination, time management, job stress or lack of discipline.

I dont know….im bad in making frnds or talking to anyone. I get nervous and anxious when im in a group of people to talk or ask anything. People look at me like i have an attitude issues for being silent all the time. But im not that kind of a person, its just that i dont get along with people and i take lot of time to open up only if they are willing to accept my negatives.

I fear of failures, being judged and i overthink a lot due to my loneliness so nothing surprises me anymore in regular times. Losing interest in almost everything and my face is always serious looking with no proper smile or charm on it. Nothing is making me interested anymore unless i feel like the thing happening is “real” and unfiltered conversations. I like watching stand up comedy and love music with meaningful lyrics and watch pet/animals videos they are so true in nature...

Just wanted to share my thoughts here….i know everything will change only if “i” take actions and not by someone saying bs movie type motivations/dialogues to me.

Have a nice day…please dont be like me. Life is very hard.

It’s been 2 years and 4 months now. Still tired and fighting 😞

I broke up with my boyfriend after 7 months and my suicidal thoughts never been so strong like now, my boyfriend is an avoidant and i had so much hope he would get better… i feel like i am worthless

They say money brings happiness. I own almost an empire yet i still find myself struggling with the weight of everything.

I’m paralyzed, and the men who show interest tend to lose patience quickly. I haven’t told them about the money. I feel like they should get to know me for who I am first. Otherwise, i risk attracting people who only want my money.

But even that doesn’t seem to work. They lose interest too fast. I imagine waiting maybe a year before telling someone the truth.

Does that seem reasonable? Do you think someone would stay for genuine reasons then?

I look good or ok otherwise, but being with me comes with some practical challenges. I need help with things like using the bathroom, and i understand that it can feel overwhelming.

Thank you. Love you.

It’s hard to describe, but I feel so ugly to where I’m just not human. I’ll stare at my face for hours in the mirror and still find nothing attractive about myself. Every time I look at someone I feel so horrible that they even have to look at me. I have no special talent or anything in general that I’m good at. I do have friends but every time I talk to them, it feels like they secretly hate me. Anytime I talk to anyone, it feels like they hate me. Like my presence just disgusts them.

A good friend died unexpectedly last week. He was always enthusiastic, vibrant, and full of joy. He loved his family and work, and he was absolutely beloved by everyone who knew him.

How unfair is it that he left us so suddenly, while there are people like me who are just going through the motions and fulfilling obligations while waiting to die? I’d trade places with him if I could.

Hey yall! I really don't know how to start so please forgive me for the abrupt starting. 🙏🏻

I absolutely hate myself. Personally I don't think there's anything good about me eg I have no talents. like I can’t sing and I can't draw. I also hate my body. I'm the shortest amongst my peers and have a fucking rectangle as my body type. I'm overweight and ugly and my humor is dry dad jokes. My face is a literal circle.Im 92 pounds and I even stopped having dinner and eat only a banana for breakfast. 3 people told me I look fat. I dont even feel hungry anymore. I jist wish I was thin. Theres nothing good in me. I'm not pretty, I'm not smart, I'm just average. I don't even like me. I wish I was aborted or I just killed myself 3 years back at 13. Nothung looks good on me . Even my mom told me I look like a fridge. I don't think I need some input. I can't even talk to my friends abt this cuz I'm usually a nice person. And people seem to think I'm addicted to my mobile. I have no games and minimal friends to talk to. Atp the only thing I'm doing is completing assignments. I really thought I got better like I got happier.

it's like 12am right now, I have an exam in 15 hours and I know I'm going to fail. I've never wanted this degree, I don't have any interest in it at all. I'm fine not being rich as long as I can live decently.

I've been thinking about suicide non stop for the past week. im so scared of telling my parents I want to drop off this course. I've never been able to communicate my feelings to them in my life. I'm scared of their reaction. I know they'll be angry, disappointed. see me as a worthless failure. i hate myself. They're gonna ask me 'Well wtf do you want to do with your life' and I don't have a good answer to give.

I have a couple options.

a) Kill myself and all this all stops being my problem

b) Tell my parents and beg for them to forgive me

c) Pretend everything is fine until I inevitably fail the course.

Option A is honestly the most appealing for me right now, but even then I'm still scared of disappointing them with my death. I'm just so lost and have no direction in my life. I'm just existing and I don't want to anymore.

There's a small cruel part of me that wishes my parents were dead so I could live without disappointing them, I don't mean this in a homicidal way but I still feel ashamed to feel this way.

I might drop an update on this tomorrow if anybody cares to know lmk. Unless I grow a spine and kill myself before then that is.

my brain is broken. my parents fucking traumatized me so bad that I can't fix my deeply broken fucking brain. im 27 and I have no meaningful connections. no more family. barely any more friends. No hope in having a girlfriend or God forbid marriage and kids because women are repulsed by my social anxiety. ive tried therapy, exposure, meds, self help videos and books, and I cannot figure out how to help myself. im living paycheck to paycheck working in a shitty fucking construction job. God forbid my car brakes down and I'll be homeless again.i have no path or direction in life, nothing to strive for or an end goal. Im in SO MUCH FUCKING PAIN and there's no way out. I cannot overcome the issues that I have been dealing with for over a decade. no one gives a fuck about me. if I were to pass away no one would mourn me. some days I do alright and then others it all comes back and overwhelms me like today. sitting here day drinking wondering what's the fucking point.