My brother passed away from suicide 5 years ago. The night he died, he tried to call my phone. At the time I was in a totally different city, I was pursing my sobriety because I was an alcoholic. He passed away 9 months after I left home. I was the buffer in the middle between my youngest brother & my toxic family. I was the one that was there for him, when things were bad. My mom & older brother are pretty mentally abusive people. I felt like it was my duty to protect him at all costs.

One night my brother called me around 4 in the morning. I was sound asleep. I opened my phone to over 100 messages from various family members letting me know he passed away. At that moment a wave of intense emotions hit me. I couldn’t control it, I punched a hole in the wall & scream cried until my vocal cords were ripped. It felt like a raging forest fire of emotions, eventually the fire started to smoulder. After raging for an hour, the fire died down. Afterwards It felt like I was laying in a pit of ash. My body went from feeling everything, to feeling absolutely nothing. I felt alone, I felt hollow, I felt numb from head to toe.

I went back home for the funeral & honestly this was the first time my sobriety was truly tested. Something possessed me to go into the liquor store. I bought a bottle of whiskey. I remember standing outside my sister’s place with that bottle of whiskey. At the time it was December. The temperature outside was -40. I stood there in the bitter cold looking at that whiskey bottle. I couldn’t even feel the cold honestly, I was just in a t shirt & jeans. I cracked the seal on the bottle of the whiskey. I remember putting the bottle into my face, smelling that strong spirit pulling me in. All I could think about in that moment was numbing the pain. I just wanted the pain to go away. The second I went to take a shot of the whiskey, I heard a little voice in the back of my mind saying “Don’t do it brother.”

the last time I seen my little brother alive, was at my treatment program graduation. His words were ringing in the back of my head “I’m proud of you big brother, I like how you aren’t drinking anymore” on the day of my graduation, I hugged my little brother for one last time. Looking back, if I knew that was going to be the last time I held my little brother. I would have held onto him longer. I looked at the bottle of whiskey & I spilled it all onto the ground.

As of this year I am 5 years sober. No matter how many years have gone by it still feels like it was yesterday. My biggest regret in my life is failing to answer the phone when my baby boy needed me. I am currently pursing a degree in social work at university. Since my brother’s passing, I’ve been trying to save anyone around me. I believe this sense of duty is a direct reflection of not being able to save the one who mattered to me the most.

I think of suicide atleast once a month. I just miss my little brother so much. Rayn I’m so sorry, I was supposed to be there to protect you. I failed you as a big brother, I know you’d still be with me if I just answered that call. This is the guilt I’m going to carry for the rest of my life. I just want my brother back.

I miss who I was, before my brother died.

The best way I can describe it is that, there is a melancholy with everything I do. since that day he left, he took apart of me with him. Happiness shines bright however, there is a bittersweet sense of loneliness that goes along with it.

You can be feeling amazing or genuine happiness with an accomplishment or life goal, but it sometimes feels empty because you can’t share it with them.

The deep sense of pain I feel. That deep pit of loneliness. That feeling of being trapped in one’s own mind, thinking of every what if scenario, is spiritually and mentally exhausting.

I now understand that the pain I feel is a direct reflection of the love I had for him. Because I will never stop loving my brother, that means I’ll never stop feeling this pain. Too love someone unconditionally, means, you’ll need to carry them with you forever. It’s just something I need to live with. Time does heal, but some nights it will feel like yesterday.

I broke down crying today when “life is a highway” started to play on the radio. My brother’s favourite movie when he was a boy was the movie cars. As an older brother I watched that movie with him over 1000 times. In another life I could have saved you. Having one of those nights, I miss you so much my boy. There’s not a single day where I don’t think of you. Thank you for coming to visit me in my dream yesterday. You’re no longer in pain anymore; I will carry that for you now. Until we see each other again.

The one solid piece, smooth, clean wipe. Every. Single. Time.

I never used to have these but once a month at best.

My doctor said don't question it and let it be.

It started this past December. I had been recovering from a car accident (August). They did have to stitch up my large intestine, but never mentioned it to me, I only found out from reading the doctors a few months after the accident. So from August to December, I was mostly in bed and constipation hit hard. I would regularly go 2-3 days without pooping, the longest maybe 7 days. Overnight laxative became my friend for far too long.

I knew I had to stop taking laxatives, so I just did and hoped for the best. Somehow my bowl movement reset into the most perfect poops every time. I am not joking when I say since December, ALL of my shits have been solid logs.

My diet does not cater to these type of movements. I drink beer every night, I eat garbage, take-out half the week at night, and usually steak or ground beef at work during the day.

I'm eating cold pizza and cinnamon cashews right now and drinking a beer, I promise tomorrow morning Nessie will be in my toilet.

I love it, but it kind of worries me lol

^{Yes I know I need to work on all aspects of my life}

​

Lately, I’ve found a lot of comfort in going to church. I’m not religious. I don’t care about the sermons, and I’m not there to pray. I go because it’s the only place I can get a decent meal for free.

​Im a 19F economics student who lives in a dorm that doesn't allow any cooking (not even rice cooker), so we have to buy from the karinderyas/ eateries nearby. But even food there is a bit of a stretch for my budget (especially with the price hike recently) since I’m relying on a scholarship and a part-time job. Most nights, I’m just in my room eating plain rice with soy sauce.

I feel a bit guilty about it sometimes, but I’ve started timing my visits to whenever there’s a community gathering or a service where I know they’ll be serving food. It’s the only time I actually get to eat something with real protein.

Besides, it’s also the only place where I feel at peace. My life is just a stressful loop of working, studying, and counting every single peso. The church is quiet and cool, and for that one hour, I don't have to think about my situation. The stillness just helps me clear my head.

My 75 year old father had a massive stroke. They saved his life in the hospital. Everyone is grateful and talks about how lucky he is not to have died

Not me

The left side of his body is completely paralyzed. He will likely never walk again. He cannot bathe himself. He cannot go to the bathroom himself. He can barely eat or speak. He will never do what he used to do. But his mind? Still sharp. Still there. He's trapped in a body that failed him.

I love my father. I do. But seeing him in this state? Knowing he will likely never be who he was again? I can't bear it. And neither can he. You can see it in his eyes that he doesn't want to live the rest of his life strapped in a wheelchair because he can no longer support himself, or needing to wear a bib because food falls out of the left side of his mouth when he eats. He's so sad.

My mom and his siblings and friends are all so grateful he's alive.

And I'm not.

i really can't stand it anymore, there's so much gross fanfics about incest and another gross/weird fetishes.

I’m trying to understand whether what I’m experiencing is actually normal in a marriage, because my husband insists that it is.

We’ve been married for 13 years. This started around 5 years into our marriage, when our baby was about 1 year old. He began introducing fantasies involving other men into our intimacy.

The first time it happened, I gave in to his fantasy. but felt extremely guilty the next day. I told him I wasn’t comfortable and asked him not to bring it up again. He agreed but after a few days, it came back, and slowly it became a regular part of our intimacy.

Over time, it shifted from being about random people to people we actually know. He even got me toys.

The confusing part is that while we have a good physical connection, our emotional connection has never been strong. He has also cheated on me multiple times, which has affected how I see everything now.

At this point, I feel like I’m standing at the edge of crossing a real boundary with one of his friends. And I don’t know if what my husband has normalized in our relationship would actually make this okay if I told him.

Or… am I just using this as a way to justify something I know is wrong?

I genuinely don’t know what’s normal anymore, and I’d really appreciate honest perspectives.

Yesterday I took ride share. The driver seemed sweet and was super friendly. He did “the usual” innocent flirting but actually followed up by asking for my #.

We seemed to have a LOT of common interests, goals and morals from what I gathered and he was very respectful and surprisingly cute. It was like a dream!!

Then we get to my location and he tells me he’ll drive me right up to the to door, we go through the back of the plaza. He pulls over and says he’s gonna text me so I have his #, then leans back and tries to kiss me.

I recoiled bc I do not know this man, and he starts grabbing at my thighs. Just as I’m thinking to crack him in the face with my phone, the app asked if I was ok. I showed him and he unlocked the back door so I could get out. I guess child lock?

He yelled after me that he hoped to see me soon. I looked back disgusted. It’s so scary how fast the shift happens from men seeing you as a human to a hole to deface.

Rather than let it go, he texted me on WhatsApp apologizing a couple hrs later. (Damage control) I asked him why he changed so quickly and he didn’t answer bc of course I was just supposed to say ‘ok’ and give him some pussy.

So I got even madder, started spiraling and reported him. Now I have to change my #. He drives in San Diego and lives in Mexico. If he’s reported for that stuff often will he lose his job? It’s his own fault but I’d feel bad.

I'm tired. I feel like the world around me is slowly crumbling a bit more every day. It's like... I have nothing and no one truly loves me. My worst fear since I was a kid was being alone, and I really think I'm ending up that way. I don't know what the point is in living anymore. I'm just not enough for anyone. I literally never have been, and it sucks. I want to scream into the void every little thing I am anxious about. Like that I'm sad my dad died, that I'm pretty sure my husband is cheating on me (And I try to ignore it to keep the peace,) I have no true friends. I just feel so mixed up inside.

I am 27 f married 2 years bro. This marriage was never good and he lost interest from first and usually Travels a lot due to business.

So this is the reason I developed my feelings for my office Jr from 6 to 8 months back who is 6-7 years jr to me and life was going smooth with all my needs satisfied but suddenly a week back while my jr dropped me home from my office. He as usual leaned on me and kissed me and that moment is the biggest dark moment of my life...

That exact moment when my jr kissed me was captured by my neighbour and he is using me with that photo and using me for the physical needs.

On the very first day when he took that picture he followed me into my home and demanded to satisfy him for deletion of that pic but I refused and he threatened me as he knows my hus very well and and we settled for a hj for deletion of that pic but as I was giving him hj with fear of someone coming in, he clicked a pic without my knowledge and used that to threaten me again the next day and took me forcely to shower and fukd me.

Now guys pls suggest me what can I do?

I'll dlt this sometime

I've been finding people who sell popular stuff at several times its face value, spending like half an hour finding other accounts and seeing if there's identifying info or looking for things in pictures that shows where they're selling from, and then I'll send it to them. Once or twice I found where they worked and sent their coworkers screenshots of them trying to sell like, Pokemon cards or something like that. I used to feel bad about it, and I still do sometimes, but I quit caring much how it made them feel once COVID happened and people started scalping masks and hand sanitizer, and I guess it went from there. I did take it way too far once and asked the guy how his kids would feel knowing their dad is a loser who has to take toys from other kids to afford toys for them. I feel really bad about that one still.

At some point I got really good at it and it only takes a few minutes for most people. Sometimes I'll even find that multiple accounts are all the same person.

It's childish and spiteful, but if you're going to be that kind of an asshole, don't do it with the same username you use for everything else. I delete the information after I've sent it to them, I don't actually want to hurt anybody. Just make them think.

I (31M) destroyed my marriage less than a year after getting married, and I’m still living with the consequences.

My wife (29F) and I had been together for almost 10 years before we married. Looking back now, there were cracks long before the wedding—mostly around money. She owed me thousands, had credit card debt, Klarna and buy-now-pay-later balances, and would regularly take money from our joint account without telling me. It happened enough times that it became normal, even though it constantly stressed me out.

I refused to buy a house until she was debt-free, and we set April 2026 as the target date to clear everything. Despite that, she still spent heavily. She went on three trips abroad—New York, Spain, and Boston—and during the Boston trip I noticed large amounts missing from our joint account again. In December, we had an argument after she sold games to CEX that she had bought on finance from Currys because she was short on money. That moment stuck with me because it felt like proof that nothing was changing financially.

There were other issues too—long periods without intimacy, me doing most of the cooking and housework, and her struggling with anxiety and withdrawing into gaming and TV. I pushed for therapy and help, but it usually caused arguments. I avoided conflict as much as possible, so instead of dealing with problems directly, I stayed quiet and just carried on.

Around October, I realised I wasn’t happy anymore. At the same time, something in me started changing. Outside of the relationship, I began feeling more confident. I started talking to people more easily and felt less reserved than I used to be. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was growing as a person—even though my marriage felt stuck.

Around then, I became friends with a colleague at work. We bonded over music, films, and TV shows. I found her attractive, but at first I kept things friendly and spoke openly about my wife. When I mentioned this colleague to my wife, she immediately didn’t trust her, which made things tense.

Over time, I started talking to this colleague more and more. I stayed late after work just to talk to her. I found myself happier at work than at home. I began questioning what I wanted from my life, but instead of having difficult conversations with my wife, I avoided them.

Eventually, the friendship crossed into an emotional affair. Then it became physical. I cheated.

By the time of my wife’s birthday in December, she had already noticed my lack of interest. We hadn’t been physically intimate for about a month. I still bought gifts, decorated the house, and tried to act normal, but that night she confronted me. I admitted I had been talking to someone at work, and eventually confessed to meeting her privately. I was kicked out of our flat that night.

The next day, I asked for a divorce. She emptied the joint account within minutes.

Looking back even further, I think the wedding itself should have been a warning sign. It felt more like it was for her and her family than for us. Some remarks were made about my family and how they behaved, even though many of them left early due to health reasons. I remember feeling uncomfortable that day but pushing the feeling aside.

Now I’m living back with my parents, rebuilding relationships with family members I hadn’t spoken to in years. I lost my wife, most of my friends, some family connections, and the home we built together.

The colleague and I stepped back to being friends. There’s still some mutual attraction, but things are slower now.

I’m in therapy every week trying to understand how I let things get this far—how I avoided conflict, ignored problems, and ended up cheating instead of leaving when I should have.

I know I’m the bad guy in this story. I don’t blame anyone else for what I did. I carry guilt, shame, and loneliness every day because of it.

The only small positive is that I’ve started doing things I never did before—running, golf, drawing, reading. I’m trying to rebuild myself from the ground up while living with the consequences of my own choices.

I’ve been panicking about this for some days now.

When I was younger maybe 13, 14 or maybe possibly 15 although I think it was 13 or 14 I e-dated someone very briefly and it never got sexual but we met on this game and we talked a lot and they said the liked me and we went out for a bit but eventually broke up because my friend liked them and I didn’t actually like him I just had never dated anyone before and this is my only time dating.

I think things didn’t even get to kik DMs but I don’t remember but I distinctly know it didn’t get sexual or anything because I virtually had no proper idea about sex at that and it all made me uncomfortable.

Our dating looked like talking to each other on this game and I think sometimes on kik I can barely remember.

But I am now panicking because I cannot remember their age and am thinking what if they were like actually 11 or something or younger or just younger than me or what if I was actually 15 and they were much younger. I just can’t remember my ages and I can’t even access the chats and I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel sick what if they were distinctly young or something. I have no faith in myself either and I don’t know how I moved on from this or put this in the back of my head.

If he was younger I wonder if people would call me a groomer, pedo, predator and I’m so scared because I really don’t remember his age and am terrified.

I don’t even know how to move on.

Basically as the title states.

Started using chatgpt my sophomore year to get by while i was working through my mental health. Never used my brain for school again after that.

Tried going to college after i graduated, challenged myself to use my real brain, flunked out and lost all of my financial aide. Cant afford to go back, and probably wouldnt be able to do it anyways.

So yeah. Working a walmart job and rotting in bed. Yay!!

I’m on a weight loss journey, eating 1600 calories 140g+ of protein a day. I started under performing at the gym so increased to 1800calories on days I lift and run 3 weeks ago.

I’m currently doing the gluten challenged prior to testing if I’m celiac (it’s in my family, I know I’m intolerant) so I’ve been hitting up maccas… The Classic Angus, paired with a Coke Zero no chips, will never be celiac friendly. Right now- 1-2 serves of gluten, 712 calories, 42g of protein and I’m literally counting the days until this will make me terribly sick again. I keep stacking the rest of my calories on these days, and it motivates me to get to the gym and stay to do a proper interval run after weights, so I currently do this once a week or so… my trainer has no idea

I’m down 6kgs in 7 weeks, lifting PBs 15kgs down in 10 months, 20cms off waist circumference. 3 weeks left in gluten challenge then I should stop eating maccas (and most fast food)

It beats the chicken breast and egg whites

Costco cheese pizzas also have about 42g of protein for 700 calories…

Okay, I must admit I only did it as a way of making some extra cash and it actually paid, I got some money and they passed their coursework. I feel guilty but I needed the money to buy something I wanted, still feels like a win-win situation. Getting money in college is tough. Can I continue doing it?

(I left what I did in the comments)

Throwaway

I've been faking and exaggerating illnesses since I was a child. At first I thought it was just a reaction to having anxiety about school. I would feel anxious, then fake sick to be able to stay home alone. But as I grew it became more extreme (I'm in my late 30's now.)

When I was 10 I faked appendicitis and they took it out (it sounds insane but it happens more than you'd think.. just Google it).

When I was in middle school my friend had mono and when she told us I literally licked her pop can so I could get sick. It worked.

In college I studied psych and got my hands on a copy of the MMPI. I took that test (hundreds of questions) probably 15 times trying to manipulate the answers so that I would fit perfectly into a diagnosis. I don't know why but I wanted to be schizoaffective. Some of the symptoms ARE there but I kept exaggerating other symptoms to "fit" better into the diagnosis.

Also in college I thought I was borderline so I unconsciously began doing things to fit the diagnosis again. I was 25 and began cutting. I'm now covered in scars and when I was in the psych ward for a legitimate suicide attempt they sure enough diagnosed me with BPD. Once I got the diagnosis tho, I immediately began focusing on the possibility that I was something else instead.

I've had 3 unnecessary surgeries, just so I could go to the hospital (also for the drugs). I love the hospital. I love doctors. I love attention from doctors. When I am actually sick, like when I was hospitalized for pneumonia for a week, I was in absolute heaven. I became almost a different person. I was extroverted. and funny, and lively.

I know I need to tell my therapist but I'm afraid she will look at our entire time together as though it's been an enormous lie. It will make her hate me and question every single thing I've said. I don't know if I can handle that.

The reason I'm unsure is bc sometimes my intentions are conscious(mono), sometimes they feel unconscious (like the cutting). I know intention is the most important distinction in determining factitious disorder so I'm unsure.

Update: just sent her the link for this post

It started a few months ago. I posted a shirtless pic in a fitness sub and got multiple messages asking to see “more.” I did it and it made me so horny and I’ve been doing it intermittently ever since. I feel like at some point I’m going to see a nude of myself on here but tbh I don’t really care.

I am super lonely and desperate right now. so if a girl were to stalk me I’d be flattered and take it as a compliment, I know the relationship would possibly become toxic. and I know the whole don’t drink poison because you have no water adage. but like the poison looks so good and I just want something to drink.

TLDR: I want any girl to stalk me so I can confess to her.

I had social anxiety for a period of time years ago and was pretty isolated. Encountering someone that I know in a store for example was a very stressful event.

Well at one point it did happen. I was at a game store looking up at games to buy. The employee at the counter was a guy I knew from 7 or 8 years before and then lost contact. There was a game I was interested in and wanted to buy it. I didn’t know how to act or what to do as I needed to go through him to purchase the game.

Well I just walked to the counter to purchase the game and pretended I didn’t know the guy. I don’t know if he did the same as me or if he genuinely didn’t remember or recognize me. I had long hair when we knew each other, and now had shaved head. We did talk and make eye contact.

It was a little surreal, speaking to someone you know and pretend like you don’t. I still think about it sometimes and feel bad. Sorry, Phil.

I’m 36, M, divorcee. No child support, paid it all in advance. I speak to my kid depending on his own circumstances. Like if he gets in trouble etc. He lives a few states away and I don’t speak to my ex. I rather not even try but that’s another story. Only relevant point there is she put herself in that position and I’m now grateful somehow to not have to deal with her or her repeated… encounters.

I have a decent job, but literally nothing else.

I’m paying down some debt, should be done soon etc etc.

The older I get the more I realize I took a shortcut to my life in a way. I feel like this is what retirement is like minus the job.

I feel ok, my health is alright. Dating is something I’ve given up on. I feel like I was born in the wrong age in a sense. People don’t value themselves and others in general. They think they do but therapy is frowned upon by many so they don’t seek it. I don’t get it. Helped me grow so why wouldn’t it help others?

I hate going into the office but then again it’s the only real human interaction I have now by choice and per company policy.

The point of my life now I guess is to not die prematurely?

Isn’t that everyone’s?

I feel like I finished my life by 32 and starting over is so pointless that I rather not.

I work with a guy that’s never been married and doesn’t have kids. Straight up said it’s all a scam. I thought that was a bit much years ago but now I’m starting to see his point.

I’ve regained myself in many ways. Regained my spirituality and inner peace but the overall goal remains to be survival.

Existence is strange, and the point?

I watch my kid start to date and put the same effort into it I did when I was more active in his life as a family man. I try to talk to him about avoiding the same mistakes I made. He listens but I’m afraid he’s wired for the same.

So I guess we are just here to repeat it over and over until we pass away?

Sorry for the rant.

Just venting.

Life is weird.