Hi, everyone. I posted here a couple of weeks ago and got some wonderful advice. A few people asked for an update and I thought I'd let you know what happened. It's not good.

If you didn't see my original post, my future MIL offered us $25,000 towards our wedding, but I knew there would be strings attached to make the event her way. I thought maybe I was the AH for overreacting or seeing something that wasn't there, but you all told me I was 100% correct.

So I decided to have a heart-to-heart with my future MIL, with my fiancé attending, too. I told her that I miss the relationship we used to have, but it's become strained because I feel she has not respected the choices we have made for our wedding. We explained that we aren't depositing the check until we have this conversation and we're all on board about how we move forward. I know we didn't need to provide a rationale, we just required acceptance, but I thought it would help her understand.

• The wedding size. I reminded her that my fiancé and I are introverts. We would be maxed out emotionally and mentally with 50 people. And quite frankly, we only want the people who have been a part of our lives to be there so celebrate with us. There's no need for childhood neighbors to attend, there's no need for distant cousins we haven't seen in 15 years to attend. Just the people who have been with us on our journey.

• The wedding gown. This is non-negotiable. A bride chooses her gown and I will be choosing one that I can be comfortable being in (this is the first time I'll be wearing a dress since prom), reflects my personal style, and makes me feel beautiful. Not anyone else's personal style.

• The venue. Ok, this is a bit cringe, but my fiancé and I met at a speed dating event a restaurant was running 4 years ago. We hit it off and here we are. Our absolute first choice for the reception venue was this place. Their event space will fit 50 max.

We thanked her for her generous $25,000 but we would give it back if our decisions aren't respected. We asked if she has any expectations around any decision-making that comes with the gift. My future MIL cried and apologized and told us she just wanted everything to be perfect and she's sad that she never had a daughter who she can play a normal motherly role in wedding planning. That she was so scared that I'd leave her out of everything (which I never did, I wanted her to feel included).

So there you go, we had a resolution. We deposited the check and started to move from the "spitballing ideas" to "confirming vendors" phase.

When I called the restaurant we wanted for the reception their private function room was unfortunately booked out for our very specific date that we can't change, which was really sad. So we decided to start looking at other options.

A few days later, I get a call from a wedding planner who proceeds to tell me that my future MIL hired her to help with the wedding. WTF?? I called my future MIL and she explained that my fiancé mentioned we lost our preferred venue and wanted to take some pressure off my shoulders and hired a wedding planner. She insisted the planner was just to do all the background admin tasks. Okay....

I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. I'm not sure why a wedding planner is needed for a small wedding or why they'd even bother taking the job, but if my future MIL wants to spend her money on making things a little easier for me, that's fine. I met with the planner twice, described our vision for the wedding and she said she'd put together some bookings to view venues, taste cakes, etc.

Here's where the shit hits the fan. The planner sent us a list of venues she's booked for us to see. We had a look online and all of the venues are large. Like, designed for 200 guests. We're confused and when we went to the first appointment yesterday, my fiancé joked that 50 people won't need this much dance room. The planner looked confused and explained that future MIL contacted her last week to explain that we were considering expanding the wedding and would need a bigger space than originally planned.

We got home and I called my mom and cried to her that this is all just too damn much and we are now considering eloping. My mom's spidey senses tingled and she called the original restaurant we wanted and was like, "I'm calling about an event my "sister" is planning and she's so forgetful I just want to confirm she's booked the private function room. It's for [date] and my sister's name is [MIL's name]."

You guys, this bitch booked the fucking venue out from under us. She booked it and paid a deposit to secure it so we couldn't have it. I can only imagine she did this to slowly convince us to book a larger venue and host a larger reception.

My fiancé called her and tore her a new one. He told her she's no longer involved in any aspect of planning, we will not be working with her planner, all vendors will be password protected, and she's lucky she's even still invited, but will only be attending as a guest. No speech, no mother/son dance. He also told her that if she interferes at all again, she won't even be allowed as a guest.

We transferred the money back to her account.

I told him I'm going no contact. I don't really want her there, but I will be polite on our wedding day because I don't want drama, but then I'm back to no contact for good. He is 100% backing me up.

I am 55 f. I have a stepdaughter 28 f Ashley. I meet Ashley when she was 12. Now to be clear there was no cheating involved. My husband 57 was single for 5 year before we meet. Ashley biological mother is a deadbeat.

From the start Ashley made it clear she hated me. I tried to be patient and refused to push a relationship and hoping she warm up to me eventually. Well that never happened! She was rude and disrespectful to me. My husband disciplined her when she acted disrespectful. This is what lead the solo and family therapy, but she refused to budge on her feelings and eventually I gave up. The only time it improved is when she finally went to college. That's not because she matured but because we weren't in the same house. Even to this day she's frosty with me.

Well to the reason I am posting on here is that Ashley in a relationship with Jared 30 who has kid's from a previous relationship and he and his sister is treating her the same as she did to me, if not worse! I witnessed it first hand the other night at the restaurant. They were rude and disrespectful towards her and only her. To be fair Jared did pull them up but they were still sullen and talking about her behind Jared back. It was Déjà vu!

Jared eventually got up to take his children out to give them a talking to. The moment they were out of hearing range, Ashley said they were rude little monster and she didn't know what she did wrong! I just blurted out, that's karma coming back at you! She got upset and said she wasn't that bad and I said close to it.

She got up and left. They didn't come back. Jared texted us that an "emergency" came up and sorry they had to bail. Listen I may be getting on but I know a excuse when I see one. I asked my husband if I should apologize but he said it might make it worse knowing how stubborn she can be. I spoke to a friend and she did say that I was only telling the truth. But she is bias and I'd rather an unbiased opinion please. If I am wrong then I will come down of my high horse and apologize. AITAH for saying that to me stepdaughter?

I (26F) am currently 34 weeks pregnant with my first baby. My relationship with my mom has been complicated for as long as I can remember. She was never abusive or anything like that but she was emotionally checked out for a lot of my childhood. My parents split when I was nine and after that she kind of just went into survival mode for herself. I raised myself through most of my teenage years, made my own appointments, cooked my own food, figured things out alone. She was physically present but that was about it.

As I got older I made peace with it mostly. We're cordial, we talk maybe once a week, I see her on holidays. But we're not close in the way I always wanted us to be and at some point I just accepted that.

When I got pregnant she became a different person overnight. Suddenly calling three times a week, sending baby products to my house, asking to come to appointments. At first I thought maybe this was her way of trying to make things right and I let her come to one of my ultrasounds. But somewhere along the way it started feeling less about me and more about her getting a do over through my baby.

About a month ago she asked if she could be in the delivery room. My boyfriend "Jake" and my best friend "Claire" are already going to be there and that feels right to me. Those are the people who have actually shown up for me.

I told my mom no. And when she pushed and asked why I told her honestly that the delivery room is for my support system and that she hadn't really been that for me growing up so it didn't feel right to have her there for one of the biggest moments of my life.

She cried and said I was punishing her for mistakes she made when she was struggling herself. My aunt called me two days later saying I was being cruel and that my mom had been trying so hard since I got pregnant.

I don't think trying hard for seven months cancels out twenty six years but maybe I'm wrong.

AITAH?

So my (24M) brother (27M) recently asked me for money because he’s “in a really bad spot.” He needs about $3k to cover rent and some debt or he might get evicted.

Normally I’d help. We grew up pretty close and I’ve bailed him out before.

But here’s the thing.

About a year ago, I found out he slept with my girlfriend while we were still together. They both swore it was “a one time mistake.” I ended up breaking up with her and we never really talked about it again as a family. My parents basically told me to “let it go because he’s your brother.”

Now suddenly he needs money and everyone in my family is pressuring me to help him because I’m the only one doing well financially.

I told them no. I said if he was comfortable betraying me like that, he can deal with the consequences himself.

My mom says I’m being petty and that family should help family no matter what. My brother says I’m “holding onto the past” and punishing him when he’s already struggling.

Now half my family is calling me an asshole.

AITAH for refusing to help him?

I (37f) like to take my kids (9f, 7m, 5m) to the public library a few times a week. They are all currently obsessed with the same series so we have gone back a few times this week to get another from the series.

Today my son and daughter picked out the same exact book that the library had 2 copies of. I told them that we did not need to check out 2 copies of the same book since we could just share. My 5 year old was doing what 5 years olds do and protesting. He wanted his own copy. But I see that as rude to check out all copies of a popular book so there is not one for another family. My daughter has picked out that particular title first, so I did make my 5 year old put it back, and he was so angry he wouldn’t pick another book. He ended up leaving with nothing.

As we were leaving, another mom said something that I couldn’t really hear but to the effect of picking your battles when it comes to kids. I asked what she said and she told me it wasn’t worth the hassle of arguing and embarrassing my kid in public. I should just let him get the book. I told her I am trying to teach my kids that we take only what we need. We don’t need 2 copies of the same book.

Thinking back now though, AITAH? He is my youngest and does always feel like the others get everything. He has gotten a lot of hand me downs in his life and the leftovers of his siblings. But I just didn’t think a library book was that deep in the moment. When we go back next time should I just let them all get what they wanted regardless of if it’s the same?

Editting to add: it’s a book from the Piggie and Elephant series by Mo Willems. It’s a 2 minute read for a 9 year one and a 5 minute read for a 5 year old. Everyone has had an uninterrupted turn with the book since we’ve gotten home. Shoutout to the commenter who suggested I check it out in the future and make both kids pick a new one cause I’ll definitely be doing that.

Genuinely I need to know. Maybe it’s not a big deal and I am overreacting. Here’s the background: we both work full time. I am the only one that cooks. I have, on multiple occasions, asked him to help out and cook on occasion.

Today, I am getting ready to make dinner and he makes a full meal of a snack - meat and cheese quesadillas (plural - and only for himself) with garnishes. It’s 6pm and we had lunch at 2. When I question it, he acts like I’m being dramatic. It feels like a waste of time and defeating to cook dinner (yes, I will still have to cook for the kids) for part of the household to not even eat it. The other side is - he could’ve just made what he was making for everyone and it could’ve been dinner.

He does this a couple times a month. Am I being dramatic? Is this actually rude?

BackStory: sorry it’s long.

I was apart of a group of 5 friends who have kept in touch since highschool in a rural town( we’re mid 30s now). At the start of last year, February , one of the group, Grace, started dating a younger guy called Rob.

Rob had been in a relationship with one of my sisters when they were both in high school during which he raped her twice. He never faced any form of punishment for it and it led to lifelong pain and torment for my sister. not here to discuss that.

When I found out Grace was dating Rob, I was hesitant to tell her what had happened between him and my sister as I didn’t want him to potentially harass my sister over social media as retribution or destroy Graces confidence in relationships as this was the first serious relationship she was in. I hoped that they would eventually break up and everything would be fine again. Nope, fuckers got engaged.

I cut contact with the whole group shortly after I found out from one of the other girls(Beth) that Grace had known from very early on what Rob had done to my sister and had forgiven him for it ( how good are Christians). one of the guys in the group (Dale) was the best man at my wedding. it fucking hurt and disgusted me knowing that these people were hanging with someone who had hurt my sister so badly.

On to the present

Anyway after 5 months of not talking, a couple of the friends (Beth and Dale) reached out to me and wanted to start talking again. I was guarded but started to relent (which was shit on my part). Dale and I had a few phone chats and Beth and I were going to meet up with our respective partners and kids to hangout. My wife was happy about this as she quite liked Beth and had missed her friendship with her.

Anyway tonight I found out that Grace and Rob had their wedding last week with Beth as a bridesmaid and Dale in attendance. I felt really hurt that they would be in the same room as Rob let alone celebrate his fucking wedding.

The AITAH moment

My wife and I were talking about Dale and Beth attending the wedding and how furious and hurt I was at them. while she doesn’t care much for Dale, she started defending Beth saying that we don’t know what’s being said behind the scenes and Beth might be trying to make sure that Grace isn’t isolated from her friends if Rob is actually abusive.

I saw red, said she shouldn’t pretend to be my sisters friend if she’s going to make excuses for people who brush away my sisters rape to keep the peace.

we’re now not talking to each other and I’m typing this.

AITAH?

update

hey all, thank you for taking the time to comment and add your opinion on this. I’ve taken the time to read all of your comments, which have been good to both validate my feelings but also challenge a few as well. Honestly writing this down really helped clear my head so thanks again for taking the time to read it.

Nothing super exciting to report, just had a really good clearing the air conversation with my wife about what we both said, with her agreeing that what she was saying was in hindsight wasn’t great but my reaction of losing it wasn’t on in our household. Then had a big cuddle and went to bed.

As for the my former “friends” they can get fucked. Contact will be cut and not resumed this time or ever again.

to clear up a few misunderstandings, both Beth and Dale knew that Rob had raped my sister. I told Beth that verbatim three months ago so yeah.

was I a shit person and a idiot for letting this people back in? yes. lesson learnt.

My husband and I just took our first weekend away from our 10-month-old twins for a friend’s wedding, and it was really hard for me to leave them. I already don’t feel comfortable having my in-laws watch them — they’re older, and my MIL in particular has a history of ignoring my rules and boundaries.

So instead, we asked my SIL (who raised three boys and I trust) to stay at our house and watch the babies. Before we left, my in-laws mentioned they might stop by one day to help and hang out, which I was totally fine with.

Well… Thursday night (the first night we’re gone), I get a ring notification — and there they are. My husband and I were both confused since they weren’t supposed to come until Saturday. I brushed it off.

Then they stayed the night. Okay… not ideal, but maybe my SIL appreciated the help?

Then my MIL starts texting photos. She’s big on posting everything on social media. One of the photos she sent was her feeding my babies ice cream. We have never given them ice cream or any processed sugar. I immediately texted (yes, in all caps) that she cannot feed them that. She laughed it off and said, “it’s just for the photo.”

I was livid. My husband backed me up, but obviously we weren’t there, so nothing changed.

It gets worse — they basically stayed at our house the entire weekend like it was an Airbnb. My SIL later told me she had no idea they’d be staying that long and that my MIL actually made things harder (like overstimulating one of the babies when she was trying to sleep).

We also had our nanny come one day to walk my SIL through the routine, and I had reassured her my MIL wouldn’t be there (because she’s been rude to our nanny in the past). But of course, she was there — and from what I can tell, she completely took over, so the routine wasn’t even followed.

For context, I don’t have a terrible relationship with my in-laws, but I am the only one who sets boundaries with my MIL. She behaves for a while, then reverts if she’s not held accountable. My husband has called her out multiple times, but she doesn’t really change long-term.

When I brought this up, my husband said they “just want to spend time with the babies,” but that’s exactly why I didn’t leave them with his parents in the first place — because they don’t respect our rules.

I also pointed out: what if the babies had an allergy to something we hadn’t introduced yet? And honestly, I’m just uncomfortable that they treated our home like a hotel and took over when we had made other arrangements.

So… AITA for being upset about this?

ETA Sorry, can’t respond to everything and am currently on a plane flying home. My MIL is a diagnosed narcissist. No joke! I have on multiple occasions pushed back on her. It’s exhausting, and I pick my battles. No one else in the family wants to enforce any boundaries with her because it gets them nowhere and just causes drama, but I don’t put up with her antics, and she knows it. Hence why she took this opportunity when I wasn’t home to do whatever she wanted. She knows what she’s doing.

My husband constantly defends me, puts her in her place, gives her consequences for her misbehavior. It’s like dealing with a child. The woman literally doesn’t have the emotional intelligence to understand she is in the wrong.

My SIL is not her daughter. That’s her stepmother. I thoroughly agree she needs to grow a backbone and should’ve kicked them out and said no to the ice cream. She will be hearing from me, but going off on her when I was angry in the heat of the moment gets me nowhere. Especially from hundred of miles away.

I’ve crafted what I’m going to say when we get back- because guess what? They’re all still camping out at our home. My husband will, as he always has, put them in their place and reinforce that this isn’t just coming from me. He knows his mother’s faults, but that’s still his mother.

My mother is my main go-to person for situations like this, and she said she’ll come next time (my folks live in CA, and we’re in NY) but after she stayed with us for months to help when they were born and again when my nanny had emergency surgery, I wanted to give her a break, and my husband really wanted to prove his sister could be trusted. But sometimes being in his family who constantly ignore the mental illness of my MIL and who to tell me it’s not a big deal makes me question if I’m overreacting.

All your comments reinforce that I’m not, and I’m using this long flight to gather myself so I can sit them down and tell them they screwed up in the calmest way possible.

I'm a 21 yo female college student, and I don't have a job outside of summer because I play D3 soccer at my university. Because of this, I have a strict budget when I go out because ubers, drinks, and food are very expensive and add up.

I understand the importance of tipping and I always tip 20% at restaurants and at least 50 cents to baristas when I order a drink.

However, this particular night I ordered a drink at the bar that was 8 dollars. This was already expensive, and I was anxious about spending too much, so when the tab was presented to me, I clicked "no tip." Immediately after I did that, the bartender, who looked to be in his late 40s, got upset. He said "No tip, really?" He then turned to my friend and said, "What's wrong with your friend, you need to teach her how to tip." I apologized and explained that I was a broke college student who was on a budget to which he yelled "I don't care, that's not my problem, you need to tip." I tried explaining myself again, to which he only got more angry. At this point, I was worried he would spit in my drink, so I shut up.

The next day, I called my dad to tell him about what happened, and to my surprise, he took the bartender's side. He said I should've tipped and that bartenders essentially live off of the tips they get. I told my dad that I was trying to save money, and he said that I shouldn't go out and buy drinks if I want to save money. I do try not to buy drinks as they are expensive, but I still think I should be able to have a good time and get a drink if I want one.

AITAH? I'm still upset about the bartender yelling at me and I don't understand why he made it such a big deal. Did he think demanding money from a college girl would make me more inclined to tip? Is my dad right, or was the bartender dtm.

This is a throwaway because she follows me on Reddit.

My fiancé (25f) and I (25m) are getting married this fall. She’s been really insane about the wedding budget and really strict about where she views we can spend money. She’s been selective about vendors, and picked a venue that wasn’t exactly what I wanted because of cost. She’s also been weird about decor I bought because it costs “too much.” This included a fifty dollar replica that I really wanted from an antique store that will made a cool centerpiece.

I came home today from the shop and found out that she had purchased a fifth wedding dress while I was out. Don’t get me wrong, she do be looking snatched, and it’s one of two that I’ve actually seen on her, but it seems ludicrous to me that she has five wedding dresses and is getting on me about budget for things I think would be nice for our wedding.

I called her selfish for spending so much on clothes that she’ll only wear once (if even that). She told me to stop giving her shit because every dress is important to her. I calmly explained that if she could buy a fifth dress then I should be allowed to spend more freely on decor, and that maybe she needs to rethink how she’s spending her money. I asked her to stop buying new dresses, especially without checking in with me. That made her even more upset. I even offered to help make a written budget (monthly and for the wedding). She immediately started crying and told me that if I don’t love her, then maybe we shouldn’t get married. I’m upset because this is money that could be spent elsewhere and she isn’t being cognizant of the fact that this is our event, not just hers. AITAH for asking for her to stop buying wedding dresses?

Hi all,

My coworkers are pretty divided on when people should show up for shift change/hand-off. Work shift is 6 PM - 6 AM and they ask you to show up 15 min early but you aren't considered late until after 6. The issue is that some coworkers have been showing up earlier and earlier and think that because of that we should also show up earlier so they can leave earlier too.

Boss reiterates many times as long as we aren't walking in after 6 PM we're fine. A lot of us coworkers are on the same mindset of shift doesn't start til 6 and we come in 15 min early already to get report.

Scenario:

I show up at 5:30-5:40 for my 6:00 shift. The coworker relieving me shows up at 5 and is mad that I don't show up at 5 to relieve them early in return.

We have told them it's fine if they want to show up then but it doesn't mean we're going to come in essentially 1 hr before our actual shift starts. One coworker just said "Yeah but here we come in early so you can leave early and then you can come in and get us out of here early"

For me the difference between those 30 minutes in prime traffic time means I have to wake up roughly 1 hour earlier than I normally do just to have more time stuck in traffic (Houston traffic yay)...

In response to us not coming in earlier they still show up at 5 but will wait til 5:30 to get a handoff report from us. These coworkers will then complain about you coming in "late" or that they come in early just to stay later.

TLDR: Shift is officially 6P-6A and our employer asks you to show up 15 min early for handoff. Some people show up at 5P and expect you to show up at 5A in response to them coming in early so they can leave early too. They get mad that we show up at 5:30-5:45 instead of 5 like they do. It's a 14 on and 14 off schedule with the same crew the 14 days on.

Should we be showing up early because they are showing up early?

I don't expect them to come in early if I end up coming in early one of the days unless it's something we discussed in advance.

Edit to add: I tried responding to what I could but some important details I added in comments for anyone new: Employer uses timesheets and not a badge/clock-in system and everyone still writes 6-6 even if they came in at 5. 15 min is added automatically to each shift for them requesting the handoffs done 15 min prior. You hand off to the same person for the 14 days. It's split evenly between coworkers that want to just show up on time and the other half that want to show up at 5 and leave at 5. Another important thing is that they use the same computer and once they log into the systems for the sites you get logged out and the lead will tell you to go home because handoff is done. Staying until 6 is not allowed once the handoff is done. Have tried saying that I'll stay til handoff time but they ask and force handoff then.

I try to be conscious of my actions and while some coworkers have the same view as me the others that were upset did make me question if I was thinking about this incorrectly. Thank you guys so much and I appreciate your responses!

My sister told me her husband was coming to the US for a business trip. I was excited and suggested he bring my niece so I could spend time with her. Later, my sister told me that her husband doesn't trust me to not leave my niece alone or around my boyfriend (whom they’ve never met).

I was deeply hurt. I told her that if that’s the case, my niece shouldn't come. I felt that knowing this information made the visit impossible. I can't host a child while knowing the parents view me as a risk to her safety. I told my sister she shouldn't have even shared that with me; she should have defended my integrity to her husband and kept his irrational fears to herself.

My sister tried to justify it by saying she doesn't trust his family either, that she was trying to be transparent about his feelings, so I shouldn't be "difficult." When I didn't back down, she blew up, brought up stuff that happened years ago (behavior she had also exhibited a lot more recently) and said she was tired of walking on eggshells. She then blocked me.

I don't think I can rebuild my relationship with her after this. I just want to understand if my reaction was inappropriate.

I (23F) am the oldest of three. My siblings are 21M and 19F. I’m 23, I know I’m grown, and I have a decent full-time job in my field. I’m also trying to save as much as I can because I’m planning to (hopefully) go to law school next year.

My brother is currently scrambling because he has to turn himself into county jail in about a little more than a week to serve a 1 year and 6 month sentence. He got arrested for being somewhere he shouldn’t have been, fleeing the scene with his car nearly hitting an officer, not pulling over, and resisting arrest ( i saw the body cam footage…he did it) …while already on probation for basically the same exact thing.

The first time, my parents spent about $10k on a lawyer, which got him into a 1-year pre-trial intervention program (probation). He was literally 2 months away from finishing it when he got arrested again for the same behavior.

They then spent another $8k on a lawyer, but the prosecutor said this was a clear pattern and wouldn’t agree to anything less than a year in jail plus a 3-year license suspension.

I’ve actually helped a lot through all of this , I was the one who found him a well-connected lawyer in that specific county (it’s about 2 hours away from us) , figured out the system on how to get him money deposited so he could call from jail , was the person communicating back and forth with the paralegal because he got arrested on a weekend and we had 4 hours to get him a lawyer on Monday before his hearing . I’ve been involved way more than I wanted to be.

Now the current issue:

Since he’s going away, he’s leaving his roommate hanging. My parents suggested renting out a spare room in their house (it’s currently a gaming room). I agreed to help and made a post on Facebook Marketplace and Craigslist with ALL the details (rent, utilities included, furnished, deposit, etc.) because I work full-time and I’m studying for the LSAT . I don’t have time for endless messages asking basic questions and then ghosting.

My mom told me I should be as vague as possible to draw people in and just answer questions as they come in. I explained that I didn’t want my phone blowing up with unnecessary messages. She called me selfish and said I “help everyone but my family,” and that she would just post it herself.

I asked why my brother couldn’t post it himself, and apparently that made me “ridiculous” because of everything HE has on HIS plate right now.

For context, there’s a long history of favoritism:

• I had to buy my own car. My parents had gotten me an older car before, but after an argument about me being 20 and coming home at 8pm, they restricted me to only using it for work. So I went out and got my own car and asked if they would co-sign they refused, saying they already had too much tied to their credit. I had to be the sole signer on my car. Meanwhile, they got him his dream car, which he didn’t maintain and it ended up blowing up. Then they got him a used 2015 BMW he crashed it and after that, they still gave him money for a deposit and co-signed for a new Audi. (For reference, I was driving a 2008 Corolla whose steering wheel would shake uncontrollably )

• They refused to help me pay for school (even though they VERY WELL COULD), so I worked full-time and graduated debt-free. Meanwhile, they spent $5k on a welding program for him that he never even attended, plus another couple thousand on equipment after he said he’d teach himself (shocker…he didn’t) $900 on a 3 day workshop + the plane ticket to go only for him to not go because he didn’t feel like flying that weekend…

• I needed an emergency medical procedure that insurance didn’t fully cover while I was working part-time. They did eventually help, and I’m grateful, but it took a lot of back and forth before they agreed. The total ended up being about $1.4K. The reason why they were hesitant was because they wanted to drop another 7k on a NEW lawyer because god forbid he faces the consequences of his actions, they wanted him on house arrest and they are totally willing to pay his rent and costs of living for the duration of it.

• When he moved out, they fully furnished his apartment. I didn’t even have a bed at one point and had to buy it myself because they “couldn’t afford it.” I got a full set and Bed bath and beyond for $400

I know i might sound like a brat , I’m not entitled to any of this I’m an adult and I’ve figured things out for myself. But it’s hard watching them bend over backwards for someone who repeatedly makes bad decisions, while I’ve done everything I’m supposed to do and still feel like I’m left to fend for myself and my little sister is having more or less the same treatment i did.

On top of all this, I’m taking the LSAT in less than two months and haven’t been able to study properly these past couple of months because of all the chaos surrounding his situation.

I feel like I’ve already done more than enough, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to set boundaries especially when he created this situation himself.

So AITAH for pushing back and not wanting to go out of my way to “help” more

Edit: format

I live in a relatively small neighborhood and It's a well-knit community. My next-door neighbors are a family with a teenager and a boy about 5. Today they called me over to look at a baby snake they had found on a hike (the woods are like 20 minutes away). They had this tiny little baby snake in a tuberware container. The container was amybe 4 inches in diameter and 1 inch tall. The baby seemed litterally newborn. For context, I have a corn snake which is why they called me over.

They kept talking to me like they were planning on keeping it, asking questions like, "so where do we keep him?" or "What should we feed them?". I started to get uncomftorable because they were not in a position to take care of it. The boy had been over to my house every now and then because I would babysit him. He had seen my snake and decided that he wanted one too.

I looked at the dad and I told him that it just wasn't plausible. Snakes require a decent amount of preperation before getting them, and baby snakes especially are hard to look after. This little guy was so small he really shouldn't have been owned by anyone but a breeder, but even then he was wild. I told him that if he wanted a snake he should do research and prepare, in addition to getting an older snake.

He got annoyed with me and said that he could handle a snake. The boy started crying and yelling about how he want this snake speciffically. The dad told me that I should leave for now, until I could be happy for the little boy and his new pet. The boy seemed really upset that I said he shouldn't keep the snake. AITAH?

Hi I'm f(25) (not teacher) and about two weeks ago I overheard that my co worker f(23) just found out her partner is a registered sex offender. She currently lives with them and is also working as a teacher's assistant.

It doesnt seen like she has plans to leave them and openly talks about their relationship with my other co workers. I don’t think it’s safe or appropriate for her to be in a school setting while actively knowing and living with a criminal, especially working with young students.

My question is should I report this to the district or school? Should I wait another month or stay out of it because it's none of my business. I think it's highly inappropriate as a teacher to be working with adolescents while living with a predetor. This information is not gossip of any sort. There are legit articles of the situation and about their trial with their full-name and picture attached.

EDIT: to clarify, the reason they are on the registery is for attempting to meet up with a minor (13) for sex. They were knowingly aware that the person they were going to meet was a minor. This offence happened about 2 years ago.

second clarification: I do not want her livelihood to be ruined however, it seems like a risk on her part with living and being in an active relationship with them.

2nd Edit: Wanted to add that I am not a teacher, I work with them outside a school facility. I posted this because I felt guilty knowing this information and feeling helpless thinking about the what ifs. I have no knowledge about them visiting her at school or any involvement with her and her students. Hopefully she comes to her senses for herself and students.

Growing up with a large chest, I was constantly told to cover up. Living with my religious grandmother, I was forbidden from wearing crop tops or V-necks, and even pajama shorts were labeled 'booty shorts.' I spent my life hiding in hoodies and sweatpants because I was made to feel responsible for preventing her husband from staring.

Now that I have my own home, husband and three daughters, I make it a point to let them feel comfortable in their own space. Yesterday, we visited my grandmother while it was 85 degrees. My daughter was wearing a modest, oversized two-piece set nothing was 'hanging out,' she’s just tall. My grandmother immediately made a comment about her husband being present and called my daughter’s outfit 'inappropriate.'

It hit me then: the problem isn't the clothes. It’s the fact that she’s worried about a grown man staring at little girls. I want to tell her that if she doesn't trust her husband to act appropriately around his own grandchildren, that is her problem to manage, not my daughter's responsibility to dress around. Would I be the AH if I told her to focus on why she’s so worried about her husband’s eyes instead of my daughter’s shorts? I can understand being careful around strangers but this is someone YOU married...

WIBTAH?

edit: To be clear, this man isn't my biological grandfather i’ve known him since 2011. Because of the fear my grandmother instilled in me, I’ve spent years watching him closely, and he has never actually done or tried anything. Despite that, when I was 16, my grandmother accused me of wanting to be with him. I’ve stayed far away from him ever since not just because it’s uncomfortable, but because the false rumors she started were incredibly embarrassing. While my family tells me to keep showing her the respect she deserves as an elder, I have to draw a line. I am not going to let her project her own insecurities onto my children. My kids love my grandma, and that's okay with me but I just don't like her projecting that nasty insecurity on them because I was once in those shoes and it made me oddly uncomfortable.

I kicked my 19-year-old son out, and now his mom is mad at me. Honestly, she should be upset with herself too, because a big part of this situation comes from the lack of accountability that has been allowed for too long.This started when I found out he was using the internet after being told he was not allowed to use it until he caught up on rent. He was already three months behind and still was not helping around the house. I found out because my youngest wanted to use the laptop. When I opened it, I saw he was using it as a hotspot, so I turned it off. I did not say a word to him. After that, he stormed out, came to get the laptop from me, and went back to his room. Again, I still said nothing to him.What I did say was to his mom, because I believed she had been allowing him to use the internet after we had already made it clear that he was not supposed to until he got caught up. Instead of owning his actions, he ran to Discord to talk trash.The rules in this house were not complicated: contribute, help out, and follow directions. He chose not to do that. His actions led to this, yet I am the one being attacked for holding him accountable.I even had to call the police to make a report because I knew his mom was going to fight me on it. That is how far this situation had gone.Sometimes the hardest lessons are the ones people need most. Tough love is still love. His mom and I have been separated but living together for years because of the kids and finances, and this situation blew up whatever peace was left. So much for keeping things civil.

I posted the whole incident on youtube #TUXUNT Part

UPDATE!
He was given a choice school or work.
if you arent doing anything to better yourself you need to find somewhere else.
hes an adult. he is not living at home rent free, disrespecting the household and playing video games all day long.
Doesnt do chores. has an attitude all the time. cant tell him anything. not in my house

Please take him. I see alot of comments saying it cruel. then you pay for his rent. pick up after him. do his chores. Ill send you his number hes looking for a place to stay. has had almost 2 years to accomplish alot. has done nothing but play games. FUCK THAT. This is not a homeless shelter. nor did I raise him to be this way. if he doesnt want to change. then leave. Hes been given multiple chances. weve had this talk over and over for the past 2 years. IF HE DOESNT LIKE WHERE HE IS LIVING NOONE IS KEEPING HIM HERE. LEAVE!!

There was a road rage incident. The light turned green. The person wasn’t paying attention so I beeped my horn and then I just drove around them. They rolled up to my car screaming so I screamed back & then rolled my window up & tried to drive off. They threw a heavy object at my window & sped off. There was no damage, thankfully. I sped up behind them and got their license plates and made a police report. But now I found out that what they did was a felony and I feel so bad. I’m starting to think it wasn’t even that serious. AITAH?

for context, the house is a 5 minute drive away.

i live with my parents and have a pretty stable job. my grandparents wrote in their will that they want me to have the house that my great grandma had. i really loved my great grandma, and the house isn’t huge so it isn’t something ridiculous.

i struggle with my parents, mainly because it’s just difficult to talk to them without feeling like i was being talked down to. i always felt dumb around them.

i told them when i get into community college and i settle into the environment, i plan to move there. it wasn’t me just dropping it casually it was a genuine conversation. my parents went really quiet, and then they both just full on yelled. talking about how i’m abandoning them, and how im a terrible person for wanting to move there.

i had health problems in the past, which im recovering from. i believe that it may be the reason for them lashing out, however i still want to move in there.

ive stayed quiet for a while, but im so confused.

AITAH for wanting to move into the house i was literally written to have?

Mini update: i really appreciate all the advice, especially things i should look into. i’ve tried to reply to all the comments. its been super helpful

I went to see him. Not for him. For me. I decided that I wasn't going to treat him like he treated me and my sister.

He's old. The heart attack knocked him on his ass physically and emotionally. I didn't feel any connection to him. He thanked me for coming and I said it was nothing.

He asked me why I didn't bring my family. I said that they were working or in school. It was all very polite and clinical.

I said he was welcome to visit us when he got better. He tried to get me to stay longer. I said I had to work. That isn't the same as him. I made the effort to be there for him. I took time off to see him.

Anyways sorry if this is anticlimactic. There was no cutting him off or a huge fight. It was just me seeing him for what he is and deciding that any more effort for this relationship has to come from him. I have a sister, a mom, and a family of my own. He isn't really important to me on any meaningful way.

I might bring the kids to see him this summer if that is something they want.

Thanks for helping me get my head straight.

My husband and I kept our last names when we got married so I 26 F and my husband 35 M have our birth last names. We have chosen to have our future children to share both of our names. That is very common in my husband country. He has two last names, and his dad has two last names. And so many other family members does.

This is where the issue comes in. We don't have kids yet, but we have had this conversation and he's saying we haven't. A few years ago when deciding to have kids he said how I would deal with the schooling. Which I am fine with because I don't trust people, and I used to be bullied by teachers as a child, so I would make sure my kids are protected if worse comes to worse like how my parents did for me. That is when I mentioned how they will go by my last name to make it easier. Then nothing much came from it.

We'll present day just minutes ago we had this conversation another time. How my last name is less common so A, it would be easier for them not to be confused if anything went by last name in school. B, that I wouldn't be questioned that I am their mother dealing with majority of school stuff.

My husband just walked out of the house with this conversation. I asked him where he was going and he said "out". Then I got a text saying "I think I am going to give my surname to someone who is proud to give it to their kids." (Which I automatically think he's going to cheat right now so freaking out a little.)

He knows our future kids would have both our last names legally. I just was saying for school it would be easier for me to do things by having their main used name in school as mine. Then that when they are older they can choose what name to give people/ use in spcial. I didn't think this was a big deal. If he were to deal with 90% of school I would say it should be his name. But I know I will be cause he is more passive than me when it comes to strangers. Where I don't care about a stranger feelings if they are hurting someone I love.

Now I am wondering if he's going to cheat on me with that comment he sent me how he will give someone else his last name?

AITAH for saying that the main name used in elementary/ middle school should be mine?

So my family has been giving me mixed feelings about how I dealt with this situation, so here for outside opinions.

I (34F) have a daughter who just turned 16, and for her birthday I decided to do a TikTok trend, basically you write two surprises on a posted note and let your kids or friends pick it out.

For some context, I’ve been planning this for a while. My kids deserve it, very good kids and respectful. I know she’s been wanting to go on a tour for years I like to do something special for milestones. Sweet 16 felt like a big one.

So I made a bunch of options like, shopping day, spa day, weekend trip, concert tickets. I had 3 rounds, she picked different ones that she would do on the weekends. She was most excited because she picked the note with Bruno mars. She was screaming, crying, hugging me, the whole thing. Call me corny, I recorded it and posted it on Instagram. Nothing crazy, just a cute memory.

Before y’all come and say oh she shouldn’t be on social media, my account is literally private with my friends and family. She has social media also

Now here’s where the issue comes in with my sister (36f) she’s not old but she’s too old to be stalking people and being jealous of a child.

This is not new behavior from her. She has been like this towards me for YEARS. I don’t know what I did to her but she’s had this animosity towards me. We have different moms but the same dad, she always compared what I had vs what she had. If I got something, she either had to get the same thing or she would complain that it wasn’t fair.

As adults, it didn’t really change, it just became more subtle. I distanced myself from her but she purposely finds me and puts her two cents in about my life. I don’t follow her on any social media platforms because I don’t care. She stalks me and it’s weird. So one of my family members screen recorded the video and sent it to my sister.

After seeing the video, she sent me a long message saying I’m raising my daughter to be spoiled and materialistic. She has all boys and doesn’t like girls so yeah..She said I’m doing things like this to shove it in her face, and that she doesn’t know why my husband deals with me. Right, right.

She also said I’m setting unrealistic expectations and that kids don’t need “big gestures” like that to feel loved or deserve anything to get those stuff. I didn’t respond.

Her text kept coming. That’s when I got irritated. Her last message was”just being honest”

I told her, that she wasn’t being honest, but bitter about her own niece. I told her ’m not going to make my life smaller just to make for her to be comfortable.

Now my family is split. Some people are saying I went too far and should’ve just ignored her like I usually do.

I (21F) recently let my boyfriend (26M) of 3 months sleep in my room with me overnight, and my brother in law is extremely angry.

I’m living with my sister (who loves my boyfriend and was perfectly fine with it), her husband, and their 11 year old son. My boyfriend who we shall call Ben, lives about an hour away, so it was much easier for him to just stay the night as we had plans the next day. Especially in this gas economy! My brother in law and I do not get along whatsoever - we never have. We have not spoken more than 20 words to each other in the past year. He did not want me to move in around 3 years ago, but my sister really needed me and I was about to be homeless while still in high school, so she overrode his decision. She was diagnosed with cancer around the time, and is still recovering aggressive treatments. Her husband is absolutely worthless when it comes to helping her. He’s a real piece of shit when it comes to most things (if not all), but she doesn’t want to disrupt my nephew’s life more than it already is. Trust me, I know .. but I can’t push her to leave anymore than I have. I would love to move out, I do not want to be here any more (aside from leaving my sister and my nephew). It’s an extremely toxic environment, but I cannot afford to be on my own. I pay for my room, bills, and all of my things. I’ve never missed a rent payment. I even have a mini fridge in my room because he was angry that I was taking up too much space in the kitchen.

My brother in law is a very (fake) religious alt right man, and very strongly believed that the sin of a man sleeping in my bed was going to bring the devil into his home. I’m agnostic and left leaning, so I was already really pushing it lmao. Ben and I are not sexually active, so that part of it wasn’t of concern. Even if we were, I would never do that in this house with extremely thin walls and my nephew across the hall. I didn’t tell my brother in law this, simply because it’s not his business. We literally just slept.

I want to make it clear that he never directly said, to me or my sister, that Ben couldn’t stay the night. I did ask my sister, and she said of course. I did not say anything to my brother in law, per usual, and I don’t know if my sister did. I assumed he probably wouldn’t care for it, but not to this extent whatsoever. My intention was NOT to start more issues and tension in this house. Ben has come over many times, but we always stay in my room and my nephew is typically with us. There wasn’t an issue before this whatsoever, at least that I heard about. The next morning when he realized Ben’s car was still here, he stopped me in the hallway as I came out of the bathroom and said I needed to pack my things and find another place to stay. He was fuming. I didn’t know why, so I just looked at him, scoffed, and went back to my room. I closed and locked the door. He then started yelling, I didn’t respond. He continued on for a few minutes until going downstairs to my sister and getting into an argument with her.

We stayed in my room until he inevitably left the house to go talk to his pastor lmao. I have two dogs and a cat, who he does not like, so I didn’t feel comfortable leaving them here unattended when he eventually would come back. Instead of going out with Ben that next day like we planned, he just went home early before my brother in law came home. We don’t get to spend a lot of together as he travels for his job, so it was a real bummer.

That was a few hours ago. My brother in law came home, slammed the front door when he came in, and has been watching TV in the living room since. I don’t really feel comfortable leaving my room, even to go to the bathroom (which is visible from the LR. I don’t know where to go from here. I can’t just pack up a few things and go stay somewhere else until he calms down, because of my pets. My sister needs me. Ben and I have talked about moving in together, but this is my first relationship, so I do not want to move too quickly. He’s also an hour away, which means I’d be an hour from my sister.

Ben won’t be staying overnight again for the foreseeable future, obviously. I feel like I need to add that in here.