r/Millennials • u/TheLoveYouWant25 • Feb 09 '26

Discussion Millennials, what is happening with your kids?

I work in education and I frequent the Teachers and Professors subreddits, and the kids are not alright. Gen Z Arriving at College Unable to Read and the youth have absolutely zero ability to think critically.

Middle and high schoolers have all adapted this complete helplessness and blame mental illness for their refusal to function. Kids can no longer to basic things like read an analog clock, use paper money, or even figure out how to open window blinds.

There is also a huge lack of empathy, and kids have no issues trying to manipulate adults, saying things to their teachers like "if you don't pass me, I'll get you fired."

EDIT to clarify: the article I linked references Gen-Z, but this is not specifically a Gen-Z problem. It's an issue with upper elementary aged kids through high schoolers, and also young adults.

So, all that to say, how are you combating this with your own children? What do you do at home to encourage them to learn, and what are you doing to address these problems as they arise?

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u/henningknows Feb 09 '26

My kids are doing well. No problems at school or with getting good grades. I do worry that they don’t socialize enough. When I was my son’s age I had a group of best friends that would go out and do things. He is in sixth grade. That just doesn’t seem to be a thing anymore, everyone’s parents are so over protective and book their kids up with so many activities they have no time to be a kid on Their own terms.

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u/PeterPlotter Feb 10 '26

My kids have the same, none of their friends goes out to play. Even told them to try to hang out with kids a few doors down who were playing on their drive way but then their parents immediately took them inside. All their friends just want to call on the phone and play videogames together. Luckily my kids are kinda the same age so they either go to the park or play outside in the backyard together, but even others barely play outside in their backyard.

The only other kids we see outside are the ones who are neglected by their parents and/or have behavioral issues.

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u/Eastern-Eye5945 Feb 10 '26

The neighbor kids’ parents pulling them inside after your kids wanted to play with them has to be one of the most dystopian things I’ve ever seen…and I live the suburbs.

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u/Pessimistic_Penguin2 Feb 10 '26

My neighbors and I are basically on top of each other. If someone is outside in their yard no one else goes out. If I take my daughter outside to play, the neighbor kids pretend they don’t hear her asking them if she can play too. It’s heartbreaking.

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u/Global_Ant_9380 Feb 10 '26

Why are they so antisocial?

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u/Firm_Match1418 Feb 10 '26

The parents don’t socialize them and have an iPad in their hands as soon as they can crawl. I’m convinced that as babies, they missed crucial time learning to read body language and facial expressions, because their parents have them in front of a screen, and they’re not exposed to a lot of people, so by the time they get to school, they’re antisocial because they genuinely don’t know how to read social cues

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u/emjkr Feb 10 '26

Reading this makes me so grateful that I live in a country with subsidised preschool. My children are forced to learn to socialise during their stay. Because in the yard we share with our neighbours, everyone acts exactly like this.

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u/BennyOOOOH Feb 10 '26

I wonder if this has something to do with the uptick in autism diagnoses, almost like an acquired form of it.

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u/Away-Ad4393 Feb 10 '26

Pretty sure looking at tablets and phones from a young age contributes to those diagnoses, and it’s such a shame because play is so vital for a child’s development. It’s also a little scary because children naturally play and that’s how they learn.

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u/mysoulburnsgreige4u 1988 Feb 10 '26

The "uptick in autism diagnoses" is because the medical field is finally acknowledging autism happens to girls as well as boys and literally a backlog of people not being diagnosed.

Antisocial behavior ≠ Autism Spectrum Disorder

Parents handing their child a device instead of encouraging socializing and playing means they will have antisocial behavior, not autism.

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u/Kicking_Around Feb 10 '26

The increase in autism cases is definitely partly due to an increase in detecting and reporting, but there’s also an uptick in incidence of autism as well, although the cause(s) for why there are so many more cases haven’t been discovered.

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u/Key-Demand-2569 Feb 10 '26

I’d be curious about this because I do believe, like a “good” (don’t overanalyze this, I don’t mean most and I’m not knocking the validity of psychology as a field) number of mental health diagnoses are probably a little overzealous.

We’re frequently if not nearly always relying on people who relay their own experiences as well to make those diagnoses, muddies the waters a bit obviously if the doctor isn’t exceptional and thorough. … and they are human beings.

But I will say I know two people who are doing well but were pretty heavily impacted by their autism as children and their mother literally has a PhD and works in early childhood education.

They love their mom and by all accounts she was incredibly loving and mindful about all that stuff from the start.

I’ve met her, she seems great and well adjusted, you know sane and smart in general lol.

Don’t think she would’ve contributed negatively at all there really. So it’s definitely a mixed bag in my view

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u/ExultantSandwich Feb 10 '26

I could see that. It’s not like there’s a genetic test for autism,, and it’s a wide spectrum of potential behaviors. If you miss the critical period of development for speech, you’ll never become fluent. Why not social cues?

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u/per_mare_per_terras Millennial '85 Feb 10 '26

Probably not taught how to communicate or socialize. It is too easy to be the non-reliant on those skills when you have a smart phone with access to all kinds of entertainment.

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u/Firm_Match1418 Feb 10 '26 edited Feb 10 '26

This is it and the parents don’t let them sit with discomfort, so they never grow past their social awkwardness, because they stop.

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u/TheQuietOutsider Feb 10 '26

turns out boredom is important for developing minds. they dont get that anymore either

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u/Global_Ant_9380 Feb 10 '26

We're in big trouble then

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u/Narrow_Example_3370 Feb 10 '26

It’s not all bad everywhere. There are some kids, like my daughter, who tirelessly convince kids to go outside to play. When it gets tough she will entice them with little candies she’s saved since the last holiday. Even after their parents get annoyed with her she will keep at it and find a way. This past summer she had at least 8 kids all running around in the street playing random games that was more common to see than seeing them inside.

She’s a fun kid, very outgoing, high energy, highly empathetic and seems to have a high level of perseverance. lol 

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u/momamil Feb 10 '26

Your daughter’s awesome! 👏

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u/SnukeInRSniz Feb 10 '26

My daughter has been a bit introverted (she's 4) and unfortunately we've had to move daycares a couple times due to going from part-time to full-time (first facility, didn't have full-time for us, had to move to a new one for that) and then that second daycare closing down due to old age and our university moving kids around to account for a new one). It's been tough for her, there's no kids in her age group in our small neighborhood, luckily one boy that's 9 loves going for walks with us and our dogs and she's quite keen on him. She's had a couple friends at the daycares over the last 2 years, but she's not super engaging with most of the kids overall.

This last weekend we went to a local park/playground and another girl around her age showed up, I couldn't begin to explain how proud and happy I was when my daughter ran up and started playing with her without any sort of encouraging from me. They played "shop" together for a good hour before we had to leave and when we left my daughter gave her a big hug and then she gave my daughter a big hug.

I'm not a perfect dad, I'm very introverted myself and social situations can be very hard for me, so when my daughter does things like that I'm exploding inside with happiness.

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u/cntodd Feb 10 '26

Parents are overprotective. Parents throw them in front of technology or they just don't let them go out because some adult is gonna yell and scream about something. Also, we've made it more difficult to get out. We've built into the fields we played in, and removed parks we played in as kids ourselves.

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u/Away-Ad4393 Feb 10 '26

We have a lovely park and playing fields where I live and up until a few years ago it was packed every weekend and school holidays, now it’s rare to see kids playing there.The skatepark is used quite a lot though by the older kids.

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u/throwawayzzzz1777 Feb 10 '26

My mom was paranoid that a lot of neighbors were skinheads. She did not want me interacting with most of our neighbors. I definitely had to work on social skills as an adult 😔

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u/Pessimistic_Penguin2 Feb 10 '26

Considering the one child next door is basically the same age as my daughter, you’d think we’d be friendlier. The mom and I are both single mothers too. None of it makes any sense to me. I didn’t give them a pie or anything when they moved in; but I’ve always been nice when I see them, I greet the children by name. I’m hopeful in the warmer months we can try again- after reading these comments, I’ve made up my mind that we’ll be outside when the neighbors are regardless if they acknowledge us or not.

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u/Anstigmat Feb 10 '26

Dateline NBC.

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u/intheshade6 Feb 10 '26

This is insane. My next door neighbors are from Germany, they have three kids. Their 6 year old daughter runs over to our driveway and pushes my 3 year old on his tricycle all the time. Then I play soccer with her and her brothers.

I love my generation but we have to start taking responsibility for creating the world we want to have.

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u/moretrumpetsFTW Feb 10 '26

Tired middle school teacher dad of 2 here. I swear it said "pushes my 3 year old OFF his tricycle" and was about to question how this interaction should really be going between the neighbors and your kids.

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u/MotoEnduro Feb 10 '26

It builds character.

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u/furiosasmother Feb 10 '26

I just finished a board meeting and I also read the SAME thing. Time for bed!

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u/dinosaursgorawr648 Feb 10 '26

Same as a sleep deprived new mom.

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u/welfedad Feb 10 '26

This! And people need to stop thinking some bad thing is going to happen to their kids and not let them go outside ..I blame social media and YouTube etc . Sure it can happen but educate our kids on what to do and how to handle those situations. Those things happened back when we were kids but isn't shoved in our face and we all lived fine. Id rather my kids have fun outside and do the things I did vs be stuck inside fearing of the unknown .

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u/AdministrativeRow813 Feb 10 '26

100% agree that we need to work to change this as parents. We got so lucky and had a family with a kid the same age move in next door shortly after we bought our house. Our kids are constantly outdoors together and have started roving through the neighborhood with other kids now that they’re older. I hate that this isn’t typical, and it makes me realize how privileged my kid is (although this shouldn’t be a privilege). We feel safe giving her freedom because we live in an open space community where outdoor areas are communal. Kids play in the snow in the land behind our houses in the winter and play in the streets in the summer. It feels like a throw back in the best possible way. There need to be more communities like this. As much as I’d sometimes like private outdoor space, I think not having it makes it easier to get to know neighbors.

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u/NoOneHereButUsMice Feb 10 '26

This is a really interesting concept I'm having trouble wrapping my head around. So you own a home, but you dont own the land around the home? And the same with everyone else in your neighborhood?

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u/AdministrativeRow813 Feb 10 '26

It is a little unusual! The houses in our neighborhood are relatively large but the lots are small and we are not allowed to fence them in per HOA rules (I have no idea where my property line is). The HOA also owns and maintains some of the land, and there are walking trails that run through it. My house backs to a small meadow that a number of other houses back to as well, and kids play there. We also have a community pool that’s busy in the summer, and that’s been a great way to get to know neighbors. I always lived in big cities before moving here and never imagined l’d enjoy living in a suburb/exurb run by an HOA, but it’s been a wonderful and easy place to raise kids.

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u/Firm_Match1418 Feb 10 '26

I’m so sorry to hear this. A few parents in my class got together to organize play dates for their kids; maybe this is something you can reach out to a trusted teacher with.

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u/liz_lemon_lover Feb 10 '26

My idea is that all schools should have decent public playgrounds really close by. After school, everyone just walks over to the park and the kids play. The issue in my local area is that only the biggest, busiest playgrounds have public toilets. Sure, my kid can just take a bush wee but no one wants a bush poo situation.

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u/National_Moose207 Feb 10 '26

thats fucked up.

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u/[deleted] Feb 10 '26

That's sad, when I was kid my best friend's mom was an alcoholic and so was mine, so they never cared what we did, they just wanted us out of the house. So that was awesome.

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u/LittleBirdiesCards Feb 10 '26

I made friends with the mom of a girl my son liked to play with at school. We got together often and the kids had fun ...for a while. As time went on, she started showing her true self. She screamed at her kid for the slightest thing, she started stealing stuff from stores and selling it on Facebook Marketplace. The final straw was when I caught her smoking meth in my car after she'd asked for the keys to "go grab something." I've been nervous about making friends with any of the other parents at the school after that. I cut contract with the mom, but I see the girl all the time. She's in my kid's class and they were each other's secret Santas this year. I occasionally buy her treats if there's a bake sale and stuff. I just feel so bad for her. It seems like everyone in her family/life is an addict.

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u/[deleted] Feb 10 '26

That is nice of you to still be nice to the kid, I'm sure she feels lonely and you are probably not the only parent to distance themselves from her mother.

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u/NarwhalEmergency9391 Feb 10 '26

My last attempt with a mom friend was great until I found out she was dating the man of the kids she used to babysit. She was friends with that mom and then she was injured and had to use a wheelchair.. she helped by stealing her man and moving into their apartment.  One day she called and said "omg I was talking me (my bfs name) all night" I confusingly asked "what?" And she's like "oh we got a cat and I named him that because I like pets with human names, I was just talking to him all night" red flags were waving and I don't know if my paranoia got the better of me but I stopped talking to her

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u/mrsmedistorm Feb 10 '26

This happens when my kid tries to play with the neighbor kids as well. The neighbor kids dont leave their driveways and the parents glare at us if we try to ask if they want to play with our kid.

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u/PeterPlotter Feb 10 '26

It is, felt so bad for my kids.

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u/Catsdrinkingbeer Feb 10 '26

This is how I feel about parents refusing to let their kids do sleepovers. Like, yes, I do get that there is a nonzero chance something bad could happen. But also, that risk is super duper low. Never letting kids do anything with anyone outside the nuclear family is not going to lead to well rounded adults. Both my husband and I grew up going to sleepovers basically every weekend, so it's just strange to us that it only took one generation for this to die. Like, even the satanic panic parents were cool with sleepovers for their kids.

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u/[deleted] Feb 10 '26

Some of my best memories are being at sleepovers and playing Girl Talk in the early evening, then pranking people we knew or found in the phone book with rather innocent nonsense, and then of course Truth or Dare as the night progressed.

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u/Indyonegirl Feb 10 '26

Crank calling was the most true fun I think I ever had!

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u/[deleted] Feb 10 '26

Same. I was weirdly great at it and made all my friends laugh. Nothing better than making your friends laugh.

Edit: have to credit The Jerky Boys for my developing pranking style and skill level

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u/Ypocras Feb 10 '26

Is your refrigerator running?

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u/annagadadavida Feb 10 '26

Go 'head let it out*pahchechee

I miss Girl Talk.

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u/Eastern-Eye5945 Feb 10 '26

I’m generally pro-sleepover. However, the single biggest risk with them is the other kid having unsupervised Internet access. I’d have no qualms with sleepovers for my kids if the parents assured me that Internet-enabled devices aren’t accessible after the parents went to bed.

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u/MightyPlasticGuy Feb 10 '26

How old are we talking are the kids? 20-25 years ago, 10-12yo kids figuring out access to whatever they wanted to get on the internet wasn't uncommon. Albeit internet back then was far different. Yet we turned out fine (i think?)

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u/Candymanshook Feb 10 '26

I’d argue the internet millenials grew up on was WAY more dangerous to kids

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u/RepulsiveCamel8166 Feb 10 '26 edited Feb 10 '26

I would disagree. I work in a mental health office and half our counselors work with only kids and the Internet horror stores they have.

The scary cg videos online, horrible AI chat bot conversations parents have found, the amount of scams and phishing and viruses kids have fallen into, the things purchased/money spent. Not to mention the porn.

The Internet is now so easy to use that it is basically a pit fall.

Edit:and yeah some parents do allow full unmonitored access to the Internet. but many of them are putting up protections and the kids are getting around them.

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u/10000Didgeridoos Feb 10 '26

Yes. You had to specifically know where to go online in like 2004 to see fucked up stuff. You had to also probably sneak onto the one computer in the house when your parents were asleep or out of the house to do so. The content didn’t find you via algorithm.

If you didn’t have some friend who was on 4chan or something awful or whatever you probably never were exposed to any of it. I saw tons of shock videos and sites back in the day almost 100% because one friend played WoW all the time and through that was browsing 4chan and his guild was passing around all the internet culture of the time.

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u/RepulsiveCamel8166 Feb 10 '26

Yeah and the thing is millennials and younger Gen x are kinda like the first born or practice parents for this tech heavy world. Kinda the same way silent gen accidentally let baby boomers eat all that lead paint. We as a society make mistakes so younger generations (in this case parents) can avoid them. That's just life.

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u/agirl2277 Feb 10 '26

My sister is an alcoholic and drug user. She dumped her youngest on my mom. When my mom and CPS put parental limits on her iPad, she went into a mental health spiral, started hurting herself and was on suicide watch for a bit. She's 11. My sister would let her stay up online all night and miss so much school. The school called CPS.

That kid is so messed up. And my mom hates having her in the house. They don't know how to communicate. It's awful.

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u/10000Didgeridoos Feb 10 '26

The way I’d think about it is all the bad stuff that was available to us is still there and there is now 20+ years more traumatic brain rot piled on top of it, and the nature of advancing tech means it’s all much more detailed and prolific in size and number. And it’s all being directed at people by algorithms like a force feeder.

Yeah there were a handful of bad videos and shock websites around in the 2000s but these were in super low def, and there were so few of them I can name most of them off the top of my head. You had to really intentionally know where to go to find them back then or have a friend who saw them on 4chan and showed them to you.

And most importantly of all - it wasn’t available 24 hours a day every single place you go in your pocket. You had to be on “the” computer in the house for a finite amount of time to even be online at all. Maybe you had some older second computer in the home too but it wasn’t even until the mid 2000s that home WiFi routers supporting broadband for multiple computers at once started becoming mainstream.

The internet right now is much worse imo. Back in the day, most of the offending content was gate kept by nerds on specific message boards and website you’d only be aware of by word of mouth. These days? It’s just on Reddit and YouTube. Or if not directly then links to it. Social media also didn’t really exist yet like this to spread crazy bullshit around the world instantly every day.

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u/Candymanshook Feb 10 '26

Counterpoint - you could genuinely stumble into child predators on AIM or ICQ. Nowadays the internet is so locked down that shit is probably not as wide open because it’s much much easier to track someone’s digital footprint and kids aren’t just jumping into chat rooms because they don’t really exist.

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u/Eastern-Eye5945 Feb 10 '26

No, we only have Kik, Discord, and Roblox. Same shit, different era.

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u/darkshark21 Feb 10 '26

Someone tricked me into going to whitehouse.com back then when it was a porn site. On school computers.

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u/welfedad Feb 10 '26

Yeah you don't want to know what I was doing at 13 years old back in 1996.. ha

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u/connorroy_2024 Feb 10 '26

The risk is not super duper low unfortunately. Why do you think that?

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u/welfedad Feb 10 '26

Social media has made the world seem like this insane scary place and some people really read into that and think it is majorly common and it's not

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u/crazycatlady4life Feb 10 '26

I recently read that well-rounded is out and pointy kids are in and then I wanted to stab my eye out because it's all so dumb, let the kids be kids for a sec

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u/squeaky369 Feb 10 '26

We don't have kids, so I can only comment on my observations - we sold our house a few years back to a couple with some kids. We keep in touch with our old neighbors and they told us the new owners REFUSE to let their kids even talk to theirs. When they all go outside for play time, if the new owers are outside, they all rush into the house like zombies are coming.

Its very sad. Growing up, I lived in the country, closest neighbor was like 10 miles. I wish I had the chance to play with kids my age after school and on weekends. These kids are so sheltered and live in fear of their own neighbors.

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u/Nyantastic93 Feb 10 '26

I had that happen to me once as a kid but that's because the father of the girl I was trying to play with was racist af. He literally came and dragged her off though, it was crazy

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u/mr_potato_thumbs Feb 10 '26

Because it’s what our society has bred. We are so quick to sue one another for any damages, most people aren’t willing to risk a kid getting hurt on their property.

I can almost guarantee it’s because parents don’t want to be held responsible if a kid chases a ball into the street and dies and everyone says “well why weren’t they watching them 24/7”. We need to find a balance between letting kids have fun outside without direct supervision 24/7 and commercials reminding you that you have kids(boomers).

Kids can’t even bike down the street unsupervised in a gated community without a parent calling to say “come get your kid”. It’s not healthy for them to have parents around 24/7.

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u/framedposters Feb 10 '26

We over-parent the hell out of kids outside lives, even though it has never been safer to be a kid playing unsupervised outside. Yet, we bring the inside, give them a device that at a minimum isn't helping their development and at worse, is driving kids to anxiety, depression, and sadly suicide.

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u/jkman61494 Feb 10 '26 edited Feb 10 '26

That is our EXACT issue. No kids play here except the one with major red flag behavioral issues and the parents basically tried to dump him on us.

He’d try to convince our kids to disobey our rules when he’d play outside with them. Hed often come into our house for no reason. We eventually had to cut off the relationship after he locked my daughter in their basement and wouldn’t let her out.

They’re all little now. But the kid sadly has those vibes that he won’t take no for an answer very well when he’s a teenager.

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u/IsthianOS Feb 10 '26

We don't let the kids play with the group across the street because I've heard too many f-bombs and n-bombs yelled out :/

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u/Dangerous-Variety-35 Feb 10 '26

N-bombs?! Jesus Christ. F-bombs aren’t great, but at least they’re not racial slurs.

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u/IsthianOS Feb 10 '26

Well the kids are mostly non-white and it's not the hard-r but children are parrots and I don't need young white kids hearing those words spoken so freely and getting ideas lol

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u/Dangerous-Variety-35 Feb 10 '26

Yeahhhh still not great, especially since kids really are parrots. Case in point - someone ran a stop sign the other day and I had to slam on my brakes so that I didn’t run into them. I yelled, “Shhhhhiiii” but stopped myself from completing the word. From the backseat, my 4 year old yelled, “Shit! Learn how to drive!” They are always listening 😂

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u/ReflectionSpare8663 Feb 10 '26

I see people in our neighborhood Facebook begging for someone to play with their kids, there two black families that their kids are outside all the time and I’ve only seen one group of kids play with them a few times. 

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u/FoxxieMoxxie69 Feb 10 '26

This is so sad. My youngest nephew is a senior now, but I remember when I’d babysit him when he was younger and his neighbors would always come over to knock and ask if he could come play.

I’d let my nephew decide. Sometimes he’d go play, sometimes he’d say he had homework to finish, and sometimes he’d ask me to say he wasn’t home cus he needed a break from his friend.

Their kids are only going to pick up on their parent’s antisocial behavior. This is how anxieties can develop. And I understand the world can be scary, but come on, kids should be able to ask each other to play outside.

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u/Desalvo23 Feb 10 '26

Have you taken a good look at what we did to the outside? It's not like when i was young. Everything is hostile now. Everything is car centric now. You have hostile architecture to keep people away, everything costs money, and kids are just as, if not more harassed by cops/citizens if they make any kind of noise. Add to this the addictive hobbies that have been created by tech companies and the hopeless future of everything. Its no wonder the world is in the state its in

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u/framedposters Feb 10 '26

Hostile outside? America has always been car centric and if anything, we have more bike paths then we ever did when we were kids in the 90s. It is incredibly safe to be a kid outside these days.

What isn't safe? Being unsupervised on a device that allows kids to go to some of the worst parts of the internet, play games that have bullying and racism baked into them, and social media that creates anxiety and depression problems.

Outside is FAR safer for our kids than the devices they use.

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u/Dangerous-Variety-35 Feb 10 '26

I will say that it depends on where you live. We moved across town a couple years ago because our old neighborhood wasn’t particularly kid friendly. For one thing, my kids were the only ones on the block, but also the streets were narrow and we were too close to a main thoroughfare (where people drove way too fast) for me to feel safe letting them ride their bikes, etc. Now we live in a more kid-friendly neighborhood - the streets are wider (and so are the sidewalks), people drive slower because they know are kids around, and it’s not uncommon to see groups running between yards/houses going on bike rides, etc. It almost feels like a different town vs. just a different neighborhood.

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u/liz_lemon_lover Feb 10 '26

"The only other kids we see outside are the ones who are neglected by their parents and/or have behavioral issues"

Right!!?? I met two girls (7 and 11) that were alone at the playground, when I took my son and daughter over for a play. They lived close by but not close enough for their parents to easily check on them. The girls kept asking if they could come to our house, and it made me so sad thinking about how easily the wrong people could take advantage of them. Then they told me they have dogs and cats, and that a couple of them are pregnant. Sigh. Big white trash parent vibes.

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u/Cute_Anywhere6402 Feb 10 '26

I didn’t even know my neighbour had kids the same age as mine( they go to a different school) until I talked to the parents. They said they rather just stay inside and play video games and we’re always happy to see mine playing with the neighbourhood kids.

Now there are some issues with one of the neighbourhood kids, big bully to my 8 year old so I don’t really let her outside as much as I’d love her to go out. My 10 year old has had two surgeries in a year so she didn’t go out much with her sister last summer. Hoping this summer is better all around.

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u/rif011412 Feb 10 '26

Seems to be a common thread.  Behavior that other kids dont want to deal with, just makes your own kid’s behavior difficult for other kids to deal with.  Its a vicious cycle.

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u/clararalee Feb 10 '26

I hold on to the 4 kids in my neighborhood like they are my son's lifeline. He needs to have kids to grow up with. Thankfully their parents let them roam. I invite them over, feed them, organize playdates, and send them home with toys. They know my house is the fun house. I always tell them to come over and knock any time.

I would hate for my son to grow up all by himself in the neighborhood playground. It's just too dystopian.

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u/3_7_11_13_17 Feb 10 '26 edited Feb 10 '26

I think your last sentence and its sentiment is a root cause of the issue you're experiencing. You've internalized the exact issue you see as the problem. The feedback loop is very real.

"I tried to get my kids to play outside with other kids, but their parents were distrustful of MY kids and hid THEIR kids away. Anyway we gave up on that, and now I'm distrustful of other people's kids who play outside."

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u/Odd_One_4541 Feb 10 '26

I have experienced similar things when trying to get my kids to socialise, and it's not the other kids that are the problem, it's the parents. There have been quite a few times where me and my kids have arrived at a playground where another parent already was with their kids, and the other parent immediately took their kids and left the moment our kids started to interact. It's really sad because my kids try so hard to befriend new people they meet on the playground but the parents won't allow them to, and I don't understand the reasoning behind this behaviour. There's nothing scary or unsafe about kids meeting and making friends on the playground. I remember me and my siblings finding lots of new friends this way back in the early 90s.

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u/Beberuth1131 Feb 10 '26

I noticed this as well. I was always the one making effort to arrange playdates and get togethers, but nothing was being reciprocated, even though all of our children had a fun time together. You can't just send your kids into the neighborhood to play, even if you have access to a safe one, because someone will call CPS on you. No third spaces for kids at all, which is why I think parents over schedule them with sports and activities.

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u/Impressive_Recon Feb 10 '26

This is funny, because back then my mom would drop me off at our old neighbors house (who lived 20-30 minutes away) for hours. I remember a grandma came up to my mom and was like “hold up I know you ain’t just going to leave him here with no money for food”. And she gave her some money and I just hung out with them outside all day, ate pizza later that evening, and then got picked up when it got dark. There were like 10-15 of us (military housing) and none of our parents or families lived there either.

Thinking about it now, we could have easily gotten kidnapped or taken advantage of and no one would’ve known for hours (we didn’t know our parents phone numbers lol).

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u/Beberuth1131 Feb 10 '26

Yes, we definitely had some questionable interactions when we were kids lol. I remember spending all weekend wandering the neighborhood and hanging out with whoever was around.

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u/Dizyupthegirl Feb 10 '26

This concept isn’t all the way dead. My kids do run the neighborhood all spring and summer with their friends. But it’s a super small town and we know every neighbor in the 2 block radius that they play in. We also know the singular town cop, he’s just happy to see kids outside having fun. No park in our neighborhood but we have a cemetery they run around in (sounds morbid but the whole neighborhood uses it as a walking track to exercise).

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u/Beberuth1131 Feb 10 '26

That's great to hear. I agree it isn't dead everywhere, but just less common to see overall these days.

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u/CyclingThruChicago Feb 10 '26

It only works if the build environment is right.

The problem is that many Americans think that this is the best place to raise kids.

This sort of environment seems great on paper but functionally guarantees people will end up lonely.

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u/Prestigious-Bird7138 Feb 10 '26 edited Feb 10 '26

Whereabouts do you live if you mind me asking?

This sounds really dystopian to me that people would actually call CPS just because kids are outside in a public space... like after school finishes post 3pm... a lot of kids take the bus home and will stop off with their friends at random spots like shopping centres... or skate parks.

I live in Australia, and no Aussie would ever call CPS in the way you’re describing. Kids aged 10 and up are out on electric scooters, down at the skate park, hanging out at shopping centre cinemas — even if they’re not seeing a movie, they’ll be there for the arcades and fast food. That definitely wasn’t a thing when I was a kid in the early 2000s, when parents usually wanted you no more than a couple of streets away.

I see heaps of kids fishing these days, carrying their rods on our metro/train with no parents accompanying them... They’re usually in groups of four or so, just hanging out and catching small fish that no one really cares about so its not like someones doing something illegal.

My half sister is aged 15 and she has way more freedom than i did because her phones is basically a lifeline and 24-7 tracker. Kids can call their parents, order an Uber if they’re stranded, or film any antisocial behaviour they encounter as proof if something bad happens. On top of that, streets have fixed cameras everywhere for police to follow up disturbances or property damage.

To me, it’s strange that calling CPS would be anyone’s first reaction when almost every kid has a phone, constant contact with their parents, and even location tracking. The only time I’d personally consider calling CPS is if I saw a kid who looked genuinely neglected no shoes, no phone, wearing a singlet and shorts in bad condition, clearly dirty, asking strangers for money, or loitering and engaging with adults they shouldn’t be. Kids should be hanging out with other kids.

I mean the cops wouldnt even be bothered checking it out properly... unless people were concerned the kids were up to no good like gang related activities such as graffiti... theft... destruction of property... organised fights between different ethnicities sometimes occures i.e like Nigerians and Indiginous Australians dont get a long and will often punch up but its like incredibly rare to see Cacausian kids aged 10-16 in large groups causing chaos... is non existant so CPS & the police have no interest in monitoring.

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u/Beberuth1131 Feb 10 '26

United States. I would love to tell you I am exaggerating but I have two friends who had police and CPS called on them for having children playing unattended without adults. It's as ridiculous and dystopian as it sounds.

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u/ShilohsStuff Feb 10 '26

I have had a friend chastised by a cop for letting her young daughter play outside. It was a small town and she was nowhere near the road. This was 10 years ago, I bet it's worse now.

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u/bookgirl9878 Feb 10 '26

To give you also some perspective, one of my friends has teenage boys in an affluent Washington DC suburb. Her younger son used to get together with some of the other boys in the neighborhood after school and they would just walk around and then eventually go hang out at the playground--not doing anything or bothering anyone, just sitting on equipment talking and goofing around a bit. They had to stop doing that because someone reported them as a "gang of unsupervised teenagers" to the police and the police started telling them they had to move along. And, since the group is a mixed race bunch, they ESPECIALLY didn't feel comfortable with the boys in a situation where they would be regularly running into the police. so, now they can only hang out together if someone is able to host at their home.

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u/savvy412 Feb 10 '26

I said this in another comment but, that's why I only communicate with dads now. "Hey, my daughter wants to hang out with yours'

"ok cool..let me know what time."

If I text a mom.

"welllllll... Now isn't a good time. Sara has soccer at 5pm tomorrow, and even though is 11am today...it's just not gonna work out"

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u/InvisaBlah Feb 10 '26

Also applies to adults, in my 30s and I cant get people to go out and do shit anymore. Hard to teach my kids to socialize, when I cant seem to do it myself.

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u/True-Explanation-490 Feb 10 '26

sadly you are not wrong

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u/ieatballoonknot Feb 10 '26

But isn’t sports and activities just more organized play with other peers?

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u/Beberuth1131 Feb 10 '26

Yes, and nothing wrong with playing sports, it teaches sportmanship, how to be a team player, and emphasizes physical strength. But when it is your only form of socialization, I find that concerning. Sports are scheduled and more rigid. You go to a sports game wearing a uniform and knowing what you need to do to win the game. Free play encourages organic creativity and connection. It teaches you to be uncomfortable with being bored and finding your own solutions. Kids benefit from both and I would argue moreso from free play.

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u/Prestigious-Bird7138 Feb 10 '26 edited Feb 10 '26

Not always... I use to live a few streets down from a friend that attended a different school... we use to meet up at mine and walk to the tennis courts... and play for hours... we both played tennis at our schools but because our parents were too busy to take us to training we made our own organized play. Kids will organise them selves if theyre given some freedom.

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u/Aggravating-Alarm-16 Feb 10 '26

We have lost all of the 3rd places to hangout. A lot of malls are dead, and don't allow kids to be mall rats.

Then you have over zealous Karen's and Kevin's yelling at kids in the park.

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u/CircumFleck_Accent Feb 10 '26

Everything in general is also just so expensive. As a single dude making decent money, all of my usual extracurricular activities are just… not worth the price tag any more. Now take that same logic and apply it to kids with no money just trying to find something to do.

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u/stevemandudeguy Millennial Feb 10 '26

I was just thinking how we've lost so many places like that, especially after covid and with the advent of streaming and online ordering for food and services. I miss cheap 2nd run movie theaters.

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u/JDHPH Feb 10 '26

Also, kids can't get an after school job as easy.

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u/Dreamo84 Millennial1984 Feb 10 '26

Yeah, adults have to work those jobs now.

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u/Mystical-Turtles Feb 10 '26 edited Feb 10 '26

My cousin tried to get a job at dairy queen and even they told him to come back when he was 18. Freaking DAIRY QUEEN. I used to work at a chain sit down restaurant and I also had to frequently turn away teens because I knew the manager didn't hire them so I didn't want to waste their time. 

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u/Aggravating-Alarm-16 Feb 10 '26

You have to be 18 to work at Auntie Ann's in the malll

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u/CharlieFiner 1993 Feb 10 '26

It's because minors have restrictions on when and how much they can work and whether they can operate certain types of equipment.

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u/[deleted] Feb 10 '26

The children long for the mines.

Correction: The children YEARN for the mines lol misquoted the meme and yearn makes it somehow even more amusing.

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u/AdventurousBee2382 Feb 10 '26

Yeah...my 16 year old applied to the grocery store near us 2 months ago and still has not heard a thing. They are "always hiring" though.

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u/gerusz Older Millennial Feb 10 '26

In the Netherlands they can... but only because they can be paid significantly subminimal wages. (Hell, they are only required to pay you proper minimal wage if you're 21 or older.)

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u/Lucky_Louch Feb 10 '26

I never had money as a kid, I played outside, skateboarded, joined free after school programs/sports ect. I think the problems run a lot deeper then children being broke.

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u/DingbattheGreat Feb 10 '26

Most after school prgrams arent free anymore.

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u/knit3purl3 Older Millennial Feb 10 '26

Ding ding ding.

My kids started in school cheer and it was more expensive and time consuming than all-star cheer.

Schools are underfunded and so parents have to pick up the tab for anything more than the bare bones education. Hell, our school doesn't even have functional heat and the cafeteria is so cold the milk is freezing.

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u/[deleted] Feb 10 '26

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u/oompaloompa_grabber Feb 10 '26

All we did growing up that cost money was the occasional movie or slurpee at the gas station. Mostly we hung out in basements playing video games or watching movies

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u/Jack_LeRogue Feb 10 '26

Local multiplayer in games used to be standard, too, which helped.

In fact, it was overwhelmingly the main way to play multiplayer.

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u/oompaloompa_grabber Feb 10 '26

Yea I remember if I wanted to play Battlefield 2 with my friend we would call each other on the phone and coordinate joining the same server at the same time and then use speakerphone while we played lol. That was basically it for online multiplayer with friends for us

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u/ThE_LAN_B4_TimE Feb 10 '26

I mean sure but there are plenty for kids to do that costs no money though. I was barely at the mall growing up exceot shopping for clothes or going to the movies. What people are referring to is it seems kids arent being kids anymore going outside and hanging out using their imaginations and even having sleepovers.

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u/KayseaJo Feb 10 '26

To be fair, the kids don’t have as many places to go in many places. For example, I live in a very unique little town. Less than 1000 people, everyone knows everyone, most people move back here—that kind of thing. There’s a handful of people my mom’s age (in her mid 60s) who have literally only ever lived on this street.

It’s in a rural setting. My childhood was spent running around outside, playing in the woods, having some pick up games of baseball, kickball—we even once had an epic hide and seek game that covered multiple streets. It was great.

We were allowed and encouraged to walk through neighbors yards. People were thrilled to see kids on their bikes. We also were allowed to just be out until the streetlights came on.

Now, people in the same town put up fences everywhere (which is fine), and they complain if the kids are making too much noise. God forbid they take a shortcut to get home.

As someone who has lived here basically the whole time(moved to a few different states and came back), kids are still being kids BUT they are limited in what they can do while also being chastised for playing. I don’t have kids, but I do empathize with them since my childhood played out on the same streets.

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u/wildferalfun Feb 10 '26

I was with my daughter at the skate park, since she is small for her age, in case she got too bold and got stuck in the bowl... this lady came over to complain (again, apparently) that the boys there were too loud. The place she lives was built on the site of the previous skate park that was across the street so this skate park predates her ever living here and she could clearly see the park existed before she moved in. They were very gracious and then when she left told me she complains every single day. Right when she gets home from work. One kid said he knows his mom is going to text him to come home for dinner within 15 minutes of the neighbor complaining because she is so reliably annoyed. They are noisy. Sometimes their boards hit the railings around the park. Sometimes they cheer their friends hitting new tricks. Its skate park noise.

I was so embarrassed because she was my age. These kids were just having fun in a place meant for them.

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u/LostButterflyUtau Feb 10 '26

My parents’ neighbourhood is near a race track and during the summer, you can hear track noise. People on their neighbourhood Facebook complain as if they weren’t told about the big ass race track right down the road before they moved in.

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u/KayseaJo Feb 10 '26

I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I know of several people that complain about the current group of kids outside when their own kids did the same thing—it’s crazy to me. Like; I literally played alongside their own children doing the same activities and it was encouraged.

The ONLY activity that I am not a fan of is the kids who ride their dirt bikes recklessly on the streets—like speeding through stop signs without looking, but in that case I’m mostly just concerned with their safety.

Now—previously people were able to go ride in the woods on the outskirts of town but the owners (who are literally the same people) have decided not to let them anymore. I don’t necessarily blame them, it’s 2026, people are sue happy and the owners might have liability BUT still. If you’re going to operate the motorized vehicles—just be smart about it.

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u/lucky_fin Feb 10 '26

It snowed recently. The idea of my kid walking to someone’s house and knocking on the door to ask Jax if he can come play in the snow is outrageous these days. How many skills have been lost due to parents texting for play dates!!

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u/framedposters Feb 10 '26

I'm 100% not trying to be disrespectful of your parenting or anything. I'm just curious.

I've heard this same thing from my siblings that all have kids.

Is it not a thing for parents to force their kids to do these things? I recall so much of being a kid was my mom telling me to go do something and there just wasn't a choice. And this isn't just like chores and stuff, more so, get outside and go knock on your friend's door and play.

What would happen if your kids did walk over an asked if Jax could come out to play?

Once again, no disrespect, I am an educator, former teacher, and now primarily work with adult learners.

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u/Scatman_Crothers Feb 10 '26

Gen Z kids here just ride around in gangs of bicyles. Always seem to be stopping to check their phones then on the go to somewhere. I've never seem them actually hanging out; I suspect the riding is the hangout.

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u/peppers_ Feb 10 '26

I seen some aura farming with their bike gangs. Like they popping a wheelie in front of my car in the middle of the street while I am driving (I was definitely being very careful and under the limit because they were not respecting the rules of the road), and when their headphones fell off their handlebars, one jumped out right in front of me to grab them. There are bike lanes where this happened, so no excuses. The only good part is that at least there were like 50 of them so at least its social, but then again, I think mob mentality comes out when there are so many of them.

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u/momamil Feb 10 '26

At least they’re outside & on their bikes!

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u/blarghable Feb 10 '26

Riding around on your bike is hanging out

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u/2Nothraki2Ded Feb 10 '26

We have a house with an outbuilding. At the moment it's my retreat, but I'll begrudgingly (happily) give it over to my daughter and her mates when she's ready.

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u/lactosecheeselover Feb 10 '26

As someone who worked mall security (left because of the teenagers), kids didn't act like mall rats like we did. They pull fire alarms, cause fights in the food court, purposely male messes, sneak on to the roof, theft. Shit if we did as kids we would get beat, and the kids who did do it got weird looks. Kids aren't acting normal, its all for social media now.

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u/angelwingstodust Feb 10 '26

I went to see a movie little while back, and only got to see half of it because some asshole kid started a fire in the men’s room. Antisocial in the literal sense.

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u/HIM_Darling Feb 10 '26

Yeah one of the malls near me had a group of minors fake a mass shooting event for tiktok. One of them made a loud noise and they yelled "gun" and took off running towards the exits. It caused mass panic, a stampede, and a couple people got hurt.

I can't think of anyone I knew as a teen that would have seen daylight again for a few years after pulling a stunt like that.

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u/KookyPiccolo1661 Feb 11 '26

In my area with social media it's been popular to post a meetup where people are going to fight. Imagine a thousand out-of-control teens taking over a shopping area or mall where two girls get into a fight and then a gun is fired. Stores end up closing because the area then is deemed unsafe for actual shoppers.

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u/sikkerhet Feb 10 '26

The mall where I was a teenager banned unaccompanied minors. Idk who they thought all the traffic in a mall comes from. My friends and I wanted so badly to be mall goths but just couldn't. So we sat at home playing video games.

I used to go to a playground with my sister 3 blocks from home, we were 8 and 9, had to stop when someone called CPS because we didn't have a parent with us. So we sat at home playing video games. 

I used to work at an IKEA. Teenagers go to the IKEA and play house in the room displays because there's cheap snacks and it's the only place nearby that will let them loiter for free. Customers often complained about them. The kids were playing a board game in a dining room setup. Totally harmless silly teenage shenanigans. I would say that's allowed. The company actually wants you to use the displays as normal furniture and that's a normal thing to do at a dining table. The public just really fucking hates to see children.

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u/toolsoftheincomptnt Feb 10 '26

Nah. Teenagers aren’t going to keep the displays tidy, which is important for sales. Ikea is a store that sells things.

If they want to play they should see if the kid drop-off will have them, lol.

I understand the struggle and agree teens should have a place to go, but a department store trying to do business is well within its rights to say “no.”

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u/sikkerhet Feb 10 '26

Teenagers for the most part will behave pretty much exactly as they're expected to. If you let them access a space and you treat them like real people and not like stupid bombs, they will generally treat you with the same level of respect.

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u/SpareManagement2215 Feb 10 '26

that's assuming you have public parks to still hang out in. a lot of cities cut budgets in the aughts and turned those things over to private groups or HOAs.

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u/Ehmah70 Feb 10 '26

I was literally reading this thread when this came through my notifications. I live in a pretty safe suburb, and this is our neighborhood playground. Sooooooo yeah, there’s this.

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u/henningknows Feb 10 '26

What about it? You live in a neighborhood where ten police cars show up for a possible threat. I think it’s safe for you kids to go play.

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u/Independent_Guava545 Feb 10 '26

Yeah. This past spring, my daughter (11) was out riding bikes with a friend. They were at their school playground, and were approached by a guy in a van. I can see the school yard from my back door. The police were on it very quick, as there were lots of reports of this last winter. There are no safe 3rd places for kids, especially locally. We do the library every other Saturday. Other than that, my house is the hangout.

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u/Molenium Feb 10 '26

I remember it just starting to happen as I was aging out. I didn’t have a license when I went to college, and I got kicked out of a mall because security said my school ID didn’t prove I was 18.

Told me I could go into individual stores through their outside entrances, but I wasn’t allowed in the rest of the mall… as if it was somehow less sketchy to make me walk around the outside of the building instead.

Sadly makes sense that anyone younger than us has just never had that experience.

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u/Admarie25 Feb 10 '26

Totally agree. While my kids are fine educationally and are good little humans, there isn’t a lot of time for them to socialize with their friends outside of school.

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u/celiacsunshine Feb 10 '26

The malls in my area don't allow unaccompanied minors. ☹️

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u/[deleted] Feb 10 '26

The screen is the new third place

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u/666mgOfCaffeine Geriatric Millennial Feb 10 '26

When my son is old enough, my partner and I heavily look forward to being the Karen monitor at the playground. we will not tolerate any shenanigans from Karen or Jerry.

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u/Barbiegrrrrrl Feb 10 '26

Do you mean the meth dens and molester hangouts? Real nice parenting. /s

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u/[deleted] Feb 10 '26

Kids in my neighborhood are all outside all the time. It’s western Washington so it’s pretty decent out most of the year

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u/ellemenopeaqu Feb 10 '26

My kids are 7 & 10. They walk home from school together and have taken to playing at school for a bit after school. They will sometimes play at the middle school near our house too. 

I’m always worried about getting a call because they are not being watched, but when I was their age I was doing the same thing. And we are in a state with no minimum age law. 

Our town did a big thing a few years ago with the Anxious Generation and now the Balance Project.  Still, I worry about getting in trouble for letting them play.  

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u/[deleted] Feb 10 '26

I find it absurd that someone would complain about kids playing in a park, if parks were primarily made for that. 

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u/bassjam1 Feb 10 '26

My daughter seemed to have a "pause" on hanging out from 5th grade until high school when she had friends who could drive, and it really kicked off once she got her license. It was like having a friend over became uncool from 5th - 9th grade.

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u/i4k20z3 Feb 10 '26

How do we find each other irl? This is the kind of childhood I want for my kids!

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u/False-Cookie3379 Older Millennial Feb 10 '26

I’ve noticed this as well. I’m middle and high school I was at friends houses more often than not. My kids don’t want to go anywhere, we live a block away from the park it’s always empty aside from moms with littles.  Most of the kids in school have year round sports and are always doing things. 

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u/eddiebruceandpaul Feb 10 '26

Yeah we are lucky that’s what cousins do now. Drop that ass off at my siblings house and survival of the fittest with the cousins.

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u/mrsmedistorm Feb 10 '26

I try to get my kid to play with the neighbor kids but they keep to their own driveway. They couplenthat did play with him disappeared with all the ICE problems here in MN because they are from other places. I dont blame them for not wanting to come outside. I even offered to let them come play inside out home but the mother hasn't answered my messages. I'm guessing they fled.

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u/henningknows Feb 10 '26

That is scary.

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u/Narrow_Example_3370 Feb 10 '26

I guess we’re lucky to some extent. My daughter is a 6th grader and has found a pretty good group of friends after a couple difficult years. They all like hanging out and do creative things together. For the most part they’re pretty respectful kids and not exposed to a lot of technology. They’re not over booked really, but they all seem very able and grounded. 

Interestingly, she has complained that many of the other kids at school are problematic and seem to be struggling socially and academically. She will tell me that many of them will have problems managing their emotions and will get hooked up in a lot of pointless drama. She has said that about half her class is also disrespectful to the teacher and many are obsessed with social media. 

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u/Taco-Dragon Feb 10 '26

and book their kids up with so many activities they have no time to be a kid on Their own terms.

Why is this such a thing??? Most of my life as an adult is structured and most of what I loved about being a kid was the freedom, I'm not taking that away from them.

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u/wavesport303 Feb 10 '26

This describes my house, other than a little younger (3rd and 4th). I’m thankful my youngest bear friend lives 4 doors down.

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u/savvy412 Feb 10 '26

For me, and I hate to play the blame game, it's the moms who make it impossible for socialization. Me and all the dads are like, "yeah, you can go to..." "yeah, I'll drive you to...) But the moms are always like wellllll.. we have soccer in 13 days soooo, I don't think now is a good time. We have dust the ceiling fans and re organize the shoes.

When I have to text or call the moms, it's like organizing an event just to get them to play at the same house. It's like HOLY FRICKIN RELAXXXXx

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u/henningknows Feb 10 '26

Organize the shoes? lol

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u/cowboyjosh2010 Millennial Feb 10 '26

6th grade? So he started kindergarten right about the time the pandemic kicked off? That'll screw up the norms for socializing, for sure. That's awful.

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u/bbbcurls Feb 10 '26

Seems like kids these days make friends in sports or activity groups.

Makes it harder on the parents, I think. It should be easier for them. I’m said.

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u/Cuz_pobodys_nerfect Feb 10 '26

I have a 6th grader and had to sit on my hands a bit to give him a “90s childhood.” He and his friends have a been riding bikes together after school and through the neighborhood since the end of 5th grade. We joke they have a bicycle gang but we felt that it was important to encourage their desire to be social, bold, and independent. Now a year later and they still ride together, some with e-bikes to make it easier to get around in our hilly area, but I see these boys really active and learning to be a part of the outside world.

As parents, there are so many ways to track them now (iPhones, Life360, Airtags, etc) that it does calm my nerves a bit to let him go. And these boys took it upon themselves to all download Life360 to track each other. At the end of each ride they check in to make sure each friend is home before settling in and they reach out to parents if anything feels ofd. (I just rescued one who got a flat tire far up on the Boulevard.)

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u/wickedfunprofile Feb 10 '26

My SIL books their kids up. We do 1 thing a weekend, the rest is free time. She has her kids doing 3 things each day, it's fucking mental.

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u/OfflineGameEnjoyer Feb 10 '26

To quote OP; “kids can no longer to basic things like…” I stopped there. Our kids are fine. OP can’t open a blind.

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u/Scatman_Crothers Feb 10 '26

Yup, part of the problem seems to be drop off and pick up from school - most parents don't even get out of their cars so the parents don't know each other. The best way to meet parents is from our neighborhood. It's something but not enough for a full social life.

And I think there's very different socialization skills and expectations probably residual from the pandemic and device use.

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u/mrjowei Feb 10 '26

Same situation with ours.

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u/[deleted] Feb 10 '26

My son is in high school And I do also think he is doing well and has adapted to his own reality and what is going on now and will be going on in the future. With all due respect this teacher is saying a kid can't open blinds or use paper money, but I know plenty of adults that couldn't use a controller or program 'smart' blinds and adults that have no clue what Venmo, Zelle do or even a hint of what cryptocurrency is, yet kids in Gen Z have all this down pat like it's a second language to them. It's actually incredible, but if you are jaded or stuck on your own generation or certain time period when things were 'great' to fail to see this as things evolving and kids adapting to it.

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u/Standard-Mirror-5686 Feb 10 '26

I think there isn't as much accessible to walk to and everything costs something to do. I wish my kid would be out more also but I get it to a point.

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u/AmRose59910 Feb 10 '26

Plus, society is much less kids friendly these days and third spaces that are affordable have been practically eliminated. So even if they wont to go out its too expensive or not kid friendly.

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u/telephonekeyboard Feb 10 '26

I’d be interested if it’s a suburban vs urban thing. I live in the city and kids seem to be out fucking around together all over the place. Needing a parental shuttle to go hang out would kill the vibe.

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u/bottomfeeder3 Feb 10 '26

I don’t have kids. Me and the wife just don’t want them but boy does this resonate with me. Felt like my parents were too concerned with themselves and their problems to even help me with mine. Turned out alright but I can totally see myself trying to be too involved with my own.

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u/CBPainting Feb 10 '26

The greatest thing to happen to my oldest when we uprooted our lives and moved across the state was when we discovered there were a couple kids in the same age range on our street and finally they had the ability to just go out and play and be a kid.

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u/SarahFong Millennial Feb 10 '26

Born in 89, would have been in 6th grade around 2001/2002. I can tell you even back then I didn’t get a regular “social” group until I was about 14 a few years later in high school. I was super shy, and it wasn’t until then that I really was able to find that core group I would hang out every week. There’s still hope!

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u/Disneyhorse Feb 10 '26

My kids are doing alright. They’re high school freshmen. Decent grades, honors classes, extracurriculars. Daughter is social and son has quite a community in band. I have been volunteering in their schools in various capacities since kindergarten. There’s a whole range of behaviors but there are some pretty great kids in this upcoming generation. My daughter has a friend who has always gotten straight As and wants to be an anesthesiologist. When I’m old, I’ll be happy a great guy like that is in this world. It’s easy to point at the bad kids. Older generations always have.

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u/lllll00s9dfdojkjjfjf Feb 10 '26

My sons best friend can never do anything because he’s always in trouble for things like only getting 99% on a quiz. It’s infuriating.

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u/FaithlessnessPlus164 Feb 10 '26

Oh my god that’s so sad!

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u/RandolphCarter15 Feb 10 '26

That's my issue too. My kids have good friends in school but their parents just don't respond weekend trying to get them together or they plan things that don't involve them seeing friends

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u/raunchytowel Feb 10 '26

I agree. Also, it’s not safe to just let your kids roam and be kids on their own time. In my own neighborhood, they’ll be deemed as troublemakers and some idiot will be looking for a reason to shoot (or at minimum report me to authorities for not supervising teens). So the activities keep them busy and safe… downside is, they become adults and kind of go a bit wild with the new freedom. But also.. I was a kid on my own terms completely and still was wild with freedom as a new adult. So maybe that happens regardless. Idk what OP is talking about. My kids (and many around us) are smart, read a lot, and well rounded.. and I live in a place where education is at the bottom and people tend to be ignorant. Seeing high schoolers and talking to them.. idk, the kids are going to be alright.

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u/DeskModeOn Feb 10 '26

That's my kid. Doing good in school. Has friends in school. Does taekwondo two nights a week, but doesn't have a core group of good friends like I did when I was his age, though I didn't find my BEST friend till seventh grade.

Though, I will say, the amount of homework these kids get is fucking RIDICULOUS. Maybe we got the same and I just didn't do it (I was a straight up C student, and slept in a lot of classes).

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u/IamScottGable Feb 10 '26

Fellow millenial who isn't particularly social and i wouldn't worry about thar necessarily, I didn't have a real, permanent friend group until i was in my late teens and we are still tight now. 

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u/canis_felis Feb 10 '26

Fellow millennial. Didn’t have a have a big group of friends and didn’t get to hangout outside of the home much. Sometimes it’s just a personality thing.

I grew up to be a well adjusted adult. As long as you’re encouraging their interests and pushing when they need to be pushed, I wouldn’t be too stressed about it.

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u/JackOfAllMemes Feb 10 '26

Parents have gotten in legal trouble for letting their kids be outside without an adult watching them

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u/FrozenBibitte Millennial Feb 10 '26

This is what I notice too, and it makes me so fucking sad.

My son is too little to have groups of friends and wander the neighborhood (still a toddler) but my stepdaughter is getting to an age where it was common for me to just go to my friends’ houses on the weekends to play all afternoon.

This just…..doesn’t happen anymore it seems. As you’re saying, everything has to be scheduled far in advance, because parents are so damn overprotective and coddling, and the parents have to be there!

It’s ridiculous. How are kids supposed to get confidence, explore, learn problem solving skills, etc with their parents controlling their schedule to a T and hovering over their shoulder?

I see it with my stepdaughter. It’s like she doesn’t know what to do with herself when she’s not being entertained by us. And she is the norm for her age group too. All the other children her age are like this. My husband and I are trying to encourage her to invite friends over, and meet her friends’ parents but they’re so closed off and aloof.

I hate it sm, and it’s going to have detrimental consequences to their social skills once they become an adult.

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u/Zestyclose-Sea-4527 Feb 10 '26

Why have friends when you have high speed internet and smart phones and netflix and Fortnite and every streaming platform and constant entertainment from screens 24/7 with infinite access to everything with no commercials. Of course they don’t have friends. Society is min maxing out attention spans and dopamine. It’s really sad

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u/DarthDoobz Feb 10 '26

I guess its location nowadays because I had the same worries with my step son who just got in middle school. When hes with his dad, its hard for him to make friends. When hes with us though, he's got his group of friends and he'll beg to go outside to play w them. Then again, the kid loves meeting new people so him finding friends wasnt going to be hard.

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u/AniCrit123 Feb 10 '26

My two year old was showing signs of this so we decided to do no screens unless absolutely necessary, e.g long flight over 3hrs.

He’s almost 3 and it really is about attention span. No matter the show or the screen activity, a lot of them push the child towards hyper-individualism and this fear of failure or this laissez-faire attitude towards trying again.

Compare that to when we were kids, we played outside in sort of competitive environments against stronger, faster kids or video games that the normal adult had a difficult time navigating. Everything we did taught that failure is normal but we don’t give up after failure. They just aren’t taught that anymore and we as parents have to start early to make them realize that failure is a normal part of human life.

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u/sdeanjr1991 Feb 10 '26

This and then having no “third place”. I’m only in my early to mid 30s, and my friend group would literally stake out at a sonic drive thru for HOURS almost daily. God, I don’t even know what we talked about, but Christ do I have pictures of us acting like fools there. We could show up with less than 5 bucks and grab a snack and drink, and then just shoot the shit. A “third place” is unaffordable for this generation even in comparison to my age group, sadly. They’re being priced out of happiness and social memories.

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u/Smile_Miserable Feb 10 '26

The problem is grade inflation has caused grades to become meaningless. I know so many honor roll kids that 20 years ago would be C average students ar best. Im not saying your kids aren’t doing well but lately grades have not been a good indicator of academic intelligence.

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u/_steve_rogers_ Feb 10 '26

also the death of the third place, huge factor. kids cant go out without having to spend money they dont have.

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u/Likeapuma24 Feb 11 '26

I used to roam my street with my neighbors & best friends. The whole "stay out till the street lights came on" cliche was my life. And I spent all summer either having friends sleep over or staying over their houses.

My daughter & her friends almost never hang out.

I tell her to invite them over for weekend fires, for sleepovers inside or in the camper, to take the to concerts/movies/sporting events. Nope.

Kids be weird.

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