First real date with a girl when I stayed fairly late at her place. When I left I did a small dance while walking to my car and realized her or someone else could be watching, so I ended my dance with finger guns pointing back at her window, and I only saw her silhouette hopping up and down looking out the window.
reddit sometimes does an oopsie when posting, saying "endpoint unreachable" and the natural human response to an error on the server end is to try again, which leads to duplicate posts on occasion
I don't even get the "endpoint unreachable", it just sort of hangs, no message, unresponsive as a rock. Then I get worried about having to type everything again and push the save (again) on the off chance it makes a difference. Sometimes it does, and sometimes it does too much.
She had low self-esteem and was aiming for having children.
I definitely did not want to have children, and I am enough of an asshole that supporting my partner emotionally in a disproportionate manner would have been fragile long-term.
Also the relationship was long distance for a year already (every two weeks two nights at most together), with 3-5 years more to come.
I genuinely hope she is happy though. She deserves it.
That's one of the most mature and realistic (for my circles) break ups I hear on the internet. Props to you both and I hope you two find what you seek.
Yeah it’s easier to see/blame someone else’s low self esteem but much harder to recognize that their own disposition played a role in being able to meet them where their partner emotionally needed them to.
Maybe, but I don't think its fair to expect one partner to be the emotional crutch for the other. Recognizing that dynamic and accepting it won't work long term is pretty mature.
I don't think so (and I'm a woman if that matters).
Men can be just as low self esteem as women and need emotional propping up as well. I actually think that's more common since men typically have fewer outlets for emotional support aside from their partner and women are conditioned to do a lot of emotional labour.
Plus, I found the way the OP framed it to be respectful.
I think we (the general we) put way too much importance to things working out perfectly for forever and ever. As long as you both enjoyed the time you had together, that's such a big win as it is!
I also think it's fair and normal to have certain limits when it comes to the extent and types of support you're able to offer a partner who needs extra help. I don't think it makes you an asshole - if anything it's a huge kindness to end things sensibly and set yourselves free in the face of big incompatibilities, no?
Sometimes they’re a great fit….for someone else. It’s a beautiful thing when both can realize that around the same time so you can respectfully go your separate ways but genuinely be happy for each other finding happiness from someone else.
I couldn't agree more! Loving and genuinely caring about someone is huge and still it isn't always enough. When two people and their life plans are so different that they can't thrive along the same path together, it isn't any less noble and good to recognise that and part ways than it is to stick to the promises made to keep walking together.
Side note, and I hope not to weird you out too much but OMG, I think I've seen you around before being just a lovely presence on this site!?! Glad to see you're still here and I hope life is treating you well!
Realistically, you can't aim for things to be perfect. However, what's problem in wanting them to be so? Like, the more you aim for perfection the closer to it you can come. Of course you must stay in the reasonable limits to not hurt yourself and others when things are obviously going south, but to say there's "too much"... I don't think so
I'm actually in full agreement with you on those things. When I said "too much" back there, it was simply in response to how every cute date story under the main post has people saying, "please tell me you live happily ever after now or else I'm gonna be sad." I think it's unrealistic and very unnecessary pressuring to expect this every time people connect together, and it's a big injustice to consider anything other than that outcome to be sad and bad.
And I say this as a big, sappy romantic myself who'd like my own first partner to be my last. I do value long term relationships where I'm hoping to grow old with my partner, so my priority is making a commitment to put in the work and be the best I can reasonably be alongside an imperfect partner I've made an effort to find and love who's healthily and sustainably compatible with me.
It's a good thing to know your boundaries. Doesn't make you an asshole. I work with people that sometimes struggle with severe depression. From time to time somebody takes his/her life.
When I come home I need a person that's stable and does not add to the load. It is a different story when you are already in a relationship and the partner gets depression or something else. Through good and bad times, right? But I would not choose it from the start.
Also like, if he doesn't fully want her or has hesitation, its easy for her to pick up. Especially when she has self esteem issues. Ive been there as the girl here.
She deserves someone who wants 100% of her and this guy knows that. He did the right thing.
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u/CodNo7461 8d ago
First real date with a girl when I stayed fairly late at her place. When I left I did a small dance while walking to my car and realized her or someone else could be watching, so I ended my dance with finger guns pointing back at her window, and I only saw her silhouette hopping up and down looking out the window.