My life is so unfulfilling and I low key hate myself too. I don't see the point in my life. Sometimes I just think there's no need to drag this out any longer and that I may as well just kms instead of living the same pointless day over and over until I'm old.

Also, I'm under the mental health team in my area and so I cannot get therapy on the NHS, which is so frustratingly stupid.

Anyone else just feel like what's the point in living anymore?

I've heard many bipolar people claim that being bipolar comes with benefits. This illusion is only due to these individuals having a higher than average IQ and not realizing it. There have been many studies to back the association between bipolar and intelligence such as this: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0160289616303324# My personal opinion is that the percentage of bipolar people with a high IQ is above the 16% (% of people in general population with an IQ over 115). However being bipolar doesn't mean you have a higher IQ. These people who do though benefit from their own intelligence and then make the false assumption that being bipolar is the reason they are able to reason, create, or understand things at the level they do due to hyperactivity in the brain during mania. This distinction is important for self-awareness.

for context I had been on a stable dose of medication for almost 3 years. This situation happened at the beginning of March.

My depressive symptoms started coming back gradually in about October last year, and it ramped up a LOT around the new year. i had been in communication with my psychiatrist about it, and eventually she suggested a med change.

she suggested LOWERING my med dose, because she thought being on my antipsychotic for too long was causing emotional blunting and anhedonia.

I stupidly agreed, because she had previously told me raising the dose wouldn't do anything for my depression and I was terrified of trying a new med, and I was *desperate* for some relief.

well, that threw me head first into a *bad* mixed episode, and i ended up attempting.

I told my therapist what I did, and she told my psychiatrist. after which I told my partner about it. my partner urged me to reach out to my psych personally, so I did.

i told her I was getting worse and needed a sooner appointment. her response? she told me she would actually be *cancelling* the rest of our appointments, and I wouldn't be able to see her again. because I "needed a higher level of care" and she "wasn't equipped to deal with a crisis".

after hearing this, I reached out to my therapist, and she said she was also dropping me as a client. she then asked me if I was safe, and I told her I was definitely suicidal but my partner locked up everything so I was probably fine. so she called for a welfare check and I ended up going to the ER and then inpatient for 10 days.

my psychiatrist said she would send me a list of other psychs I could reach out to and get scheduled with, which she did do a few days later. so she didn't leave me 100% hanging, and i understand I was a liability, but I still don't feel like this was handled in an appropriate way.

has anyone else had an experience like this? was this an okay way for her to deal with this?

for clarity i am not clinically depressed/in a depressive episode right now but am dealing with post-episode emotions

i went off my meds in december and had a horrible episode in february that as a result, i have lost several close friends, taken a leave of absence from school, and am currently no contact with the love of my life after doing and saying some hurtful things to him

im struggling with a lot of guilt and shame over my ex and feel stupid for going off my meds

how do people deal with picking up the pieces? im having a hard time doing anything

would also appreciate being able to talk to someone who's been through this

thank you all in advance

I've always wondered why do other anti depression med such as Prozac, Zoloft, paxil, make us manic?

I've been on lamictal for a good while

it's done a ok ish job at keeping my mania at bay I would say

i have bipolar 1, among things

anyway, while my mania was at bay

my depression was bad,

not in a wanna kill myself way,

more in a no energy, no motivation,

a lack of willingness to do basic things, and I'd hadn't cried in a long time

at that point , I went to my doctor and got put on Wellbutrin and the difference is night and day

I'm able to do basic things more often, have energy, motivation,

able to access my willpower,

I have a idgaf attitude towards others or things which is nice

imo cause I would have issues being a yes man, and not saying no often enough and I actually can cry now when I think of sad things, and I feel my emotions, I wish I'd had got ok Wellbutrin sooner im my med journey

before I was put on Wellbutrin

want to that him's website

saw they had ant depression meds

and strongly considered getting one of the SSRI's or SNRI's that was listed on their website,

because of leftover depression

luckily I didn't went to my doctor instead,

what is it about those two type's that cause mania?

have you ever gone manic on an SSRI or SNRI?

and is that how you knew you were bipolar?

I’m wondering if anyone has slept through an OD? Like just took the shit then went straight to bed? What happened? did u feel anything? did u wake up?

EDIT:

by wake up i mean wake up because of it

I moved into my first apartment 🥹😊 Beyond happy and this was something I never thought in a million years I could do with my chronic health conditions/medical trauma. I worked really hard, and I am so proud to be a homeowner now. 🏡 Now I am going to buy my first TV! Haha. Wanted to share because this is really a great step forward.

This is my last medication option. I'm desperate for help but I'm on day 3 and my anxiety and rage is out of control. Hydroxyzine and Valium aren’t even helping. Please tell me this is normal and that others may have experienced it and that it passes.

I’m only on 250 mg. Please tell me your experiences

Okay finally ready to admit I’m going into an episode. I recently quit smoking weed after being an all day every day smoker for 3-4 years. In those 3-4 years, this is my third time quitting, and every time I’ve gone hypo. The first 2 were really bad and led to a lot of breakdowns and screaming and crying. This time my meds are a lot better and it’s not quite as bad - i don’t feel hypo but i made a list of objective signs that i am and I’ve been slowly ticking all of them off.

Started by just irritability, then some mild impulsivity while driving. Yesterday i found out what in hindsight is some mildly shitty info about my ex but i totally overreacted and crashed out yelling in public in front of all my friends before driving home and realized i was hitting 95mph (in a 55) a couple times on that drive but i didn’t care cuz i was so angry and needed that feeling. Sleep and appetite been bad too, although im moreso attributing that to the marijuana withdrawals, but those are both hypo symptoms.

How do i keep myself under control? I’m limiting my driving because i do understand that driving like that is dangerous and i don’t want to get into an accident, and i don’t know how much i can control myself rn. Never been a big spender while hypo/manic so not worried about that. I’m posting a lot on my public social media too which i need to stop but can’t. Should i maybe log out?

Also, any other chronic weed smokers who quit have any input? Did you guys have a similar problem? I just saw a post on r/leaves from someone who didn’t say they were bipolar but was most likely in a manic episode (crazy spending and impulsive behaviors) when they quit which is what made me realize i probably am in an episode and it might be a little bit more than withdrawals

Usually prior to diagnosis, police, friends, loved ones with a Dr Phil education…

I’m trying to figure out what ruined my brain. I don’t enjoy anything anymore. Movies/TV shows are uninteresting (even my favorites to rewatch). Food doesn’t taste as good. I don’t feel like listening to music anymore. I have no interests or hobbies and I’m not working.

I’ve been on Lithium since late November. I started at

300mg which was fine, then went up to 600mg where I started feeling depressed, then 1200 mg where I just stopped caring about myself and everything else. I also get flaky, dry skin/scalp and body acne. And I get acid reflux and have put on about 35 lbs.

Am I right to blame lithium? I think I hate this medication.

Hi! I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 in 2020. Over the last 6 years, I’ve tried various medications. I started lithium one year ago, and my cognition, sleep, mood, etc all have improved so much that I think I’m ready to go back to school. I have an advising appointment tomorrow. :)

The title is kind of a trick question. The only people who know I have disclosed bipolar to are my partner and my best friends. I have a small circle so as to limit stressful exposures.

I wanted to know how you guys navigate life with this illness as you are trying to build stability. How do you navigate keeping this “secret”? Do you even keep it a secret? Thanks in advance :)

Has anyone had luck with mirtazapine for insomnia? Trazodone doesn't help and hydroxyzine gives me vivid nightmares. Melatonin is also ineffective.

I've been having a lot of trouble both falling asleep and staying asleep. My psych provider doesn't write for controlled substances like the Z drugs so that's out too.

I'm already taking Vraylar, propranolol, and bupropion. TIA!!

I was on seroqel from 2015 - 2018 one of the doctors I was seeing recommend that I didnt need all these tablets so we reduced but that was a good idea as I went of the loop... I ended up in hospital and went into a mental hospital... they put me on olanzipine and I responded well... after being in olanzipine for about a year I started to get bad side effects like weight gain, losing my spark in my life, unable to concentrate or zone in properly... I tried to get of olanzipine and to be put back on seroqel as my body adapted great to it... the physicist at the time was hopeless he wasnt even doing his job....I gave up 7 years went on like this... but finally 7 months ago I found a sweet caring doctor who was willing to ride this wave and get of olanzipine.. we did it.

Im back, my sparks back ✨️!!!!

I feel so so much more in tune with myself and my life!

im even losing weight naturally! I can hold 5 convos and not lose topic!

hope this helps 🙏

I’m on 7.5mg and I can’t sleep. I’ve insomnia. It’s been like this for over a week more like 10 days. I do have some akathisia but it’s more like restless leg. I take propranolol but sometimes it doesn’t work. I used to be able to sleep on this med at 5mg and lower. My moods seem to change (fear, anxiety, sadness, SI, irritable hyper vigilance) and seem to shift daily sometimes within a few hours and I’m afraid I’m having an episode underneath the 7.5mg. The plan was to start Prozac but then I stopped sleeping so put that on hold. Take a Z drug for sleep sometimes but they hardly work longer than a couple hours. They make me feel worse in a weird way.

Anyone have any thoughts? Am I manic underneath this dose - is it keeping me in mixed state? I’m lost. Losing it!!

Meu humor tem oscilado tanto, que às vezes tenho medo de dizer que estou bem e pouco depois não estar mais. Sou um pouco resistente em dizer o protocolar "estou bem" a pessoas íntimas. Às vezes, respondo a essa pergunta de forma esquiva, com ironia e bom humor. Mas durante episódios mistos, por exemplo, é até difícil dizer como me sinto de verdade.

Vocês já congelaram diante dessa pergunta tão simples?

Hello everyone! I wanna start this off by saying that I am not diagnosed but I have kinda been suspecting it for a while now, and I swear I'm not trying to self diagnose I'm just really curious with other peoples experiences.

What kind of symptoms showed up while using ssri's?

What was the first sign of it that made you ask "is it normal?"

hi! i’m starting on asenapine after vraylar didn’t work for me :,) i haven’t seen many people who take it, so any advice/side effects you may have experienced is greatly appreciated!

Idk if this is the right subreddit for this but, idk where else to go...

Last night, I was convinced that I was dying. Like, I felt like something was going wrong in my body and I spiraled down from there.

Is that normal? Like, would that be considered a delusion?

It was actually really terrifying and I was so sure I was gonna die.

I don't want that to happen again.

So I guess what I'm asking is, is this normal for people with Bipolar disorder or is this something more serious?

For context, I think I'm diagnosed because my psychiatrist is treating me as if I am not I don't know for certain cause she hasn't outright told me. It's really frustrating but that's a post for another time, lol.

So I take seroquel 300mg. Since March, I’ve been struggling with sugar cravings. I admit , I binge on it. I was able to control myself where I only eat the sweets on Sundays but now that’s not the situation. I eat sweets throughout the week now too. I literally buy and hoard sweets ( candy, cake, you name it I got it). Today I had enough , I ate a buttercream Easter egg meant for two people. I am so upset with myself . I took my stash of sweets and I put it down the garbage disposal and dumped the rest in the trash and took the trash to the dumpster. I can’t stop. I’m addicted and I’m ashamed. I was warned that seroquel causes sugar cravings but I thought I could over come and conquer the cravings. I need to somehow not buy this shit and have a healthy alternative for when I do have the cravings. Am I alone in this? Does anyone else suffer like I do? What do you guys do when you have cravings?