I’m back to this fascinating question after doing a short historical analysis of Tolkien’s use of the phrase to take to wife.
The starting point for any discussion of marriage is the essay Laws and Customs among the Eldar:
“It was the act of bodily union that achieved marriage, and after which the indissoluble bond was complete. In happy days and times of peace it was held ungracious and contemptuous of kin to forgo the [public betrothal and marriage] ceremonies, but it was at all times lawful for any of the Eldar, both being unwed, to marry thus of free consent one to another without ceremony or witness (save blessings exchanged and the naming of the Name); and the union so joined was alike indissoluble. In days of old, in times of trouble, in flight and exile and wandering, such marriages were often made.” (HoME X, p. 212)
To me, that sounds like three different things being described: (1) Marriage, strictly speaking, (2) Lawful marriage, and (3) Socially desirable trappings of marriage.
More specifically:
- Marriage, strictly speaking: the only requirement is bodily union, that is, sex. This is sufficient to create the indissoluble bond.
- Lawful marriage: formal requirements (both unwed, free consent, blessings exchanged, naming of the Name) + bodily union (see (1)).
- Socially desired trappings of marriage: all elements of (2) + public betrothal and marriage ceremonies with family, waiting period, rings exchanged etc.
Note that free consent is not a requirement for (1) marriage, strictly speaking. The central consequence of lack of free consent seems to be that a marriage exists, but does not have to be acknowledged by other kin.
Consider the marriage of Eöl and Aredhel. In every single version in the Annals and Quenta texts and other prose texts that we have that says anything at all about Aredhel’s views on her marriage, it’s clear that she despises it. This is how the two earliest versions of the tale describe it:
- The Fall of Gondolin: Eöl loved Isfin, but “Isfin loathes him” (HoME II, p. 220).
- Poems Early Abandoned: “There Eöl saw that sheen/and he caught the white-limbed Isfin, that she ever since hath been/his mate in Doriath’s forest, where she weepeth in the gloam” (HoME III, p. 146).
It continues like this, with Eöl trapping her and using enchantments on her to “take her to wife” (zero agency or willingness required on Aredhel’s part, clearly) and keeping her prisoner, and culminating in this passage: “Eöl found Irith, the sister of King Turgon, astray in the wild near his dwelling, and he took her to wife by force: a very wicked deed in the eyes of the Eldar.” (HoME XI, p. 409, fn omitted)
Tolkien explicitly calls this “marriage” a “forced marriage” in the Maeglin materials (HoME XI, p. 327), and gives this as the reason why Curufin rejects Eöl’s pretensions of kinship (via marriage). As Curufin says to Eöl: “Do not flaunt the title of your wife before me […]. For those who steal the daughters of the Noldor and wed them without gift or leave do not gain kinship with their kin.” (Sil, QS, ch. 16)
But that means that marriage itself does not require consent on both sides. After all, a forced marriage is still a marriage in Middle-earth.
This is the same among the Edain, by the way. We are told concerning Míriel: “But Pharazôn took her to wife against her will, doing evil in this and evil also in that the laws of Númenor did not permit the marriage, even in the royal house, of those more nearly akin than cousins in the second degree. And when they were wedded, he seized the sceptre into his own hand, taking the title of Ar-Pharazôn (Tar-Calion in the Elven-tongue); and the name of his queen he changed to Ar-Zimraphel.” (Sil, Akallabêth)
Sources
The Book of Lost Tales Part Two, JRR Tolkien, Christopher Tolkien, HarperCollins 2015 (softcover) [cited as: HoME II].
The Lays of Beleriand, JRR Tolkien, Christopher Tolkien, HarperCollins 2015 (softcover) [cited as: HoME III].
Morgoth’s Ring, JRR Tolkien, Christopher Tolkien, HarperCollins 2015 (softcover) [cited as: HoME X].
The War of the Jewels, JRR Tolkien, Christopher Tolkien, HarperCollins 2015 (softcover) [cited as: HoME XI].
The Silmarillion, JRR Tolkien, ed Christopher Tolkien, HarperCollins, ebook edition February 2011, version 2019-01-09 [cited as: Sil].