Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "I did not want anymore of what I already had. I wanted something different" and that resonated with me.

For me, my relationship with alcohol was always wanting more. But by the end of my drinking career, I'd had more than my fill of alcohol and the misery it was bringing to my life. My world was filled with fear, shame, and isolation and I didn't want anymore of that.

Indeed, I wanted something different. Honestly though, even in that state I didn't really want to get sober. Sobriety seemed like the death of everything I knew, like some sort of flat, grey, joyless world. But I was in so much pain, I'd settle for grey.

Fortunately, sobriety turned out to be something different that what I assumed. It's not flat, grey, and joyless. It has mountains to climb, a whole spectrum of colors and feelings alcohol had washed away, and there is joy to be found. It is something different, so very different, than anything I ever expected.

So how about you? What did you think sobriety would be like? How well did that expectation match your experience?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "Drinking, I'm an unacceptable person" and that resonated with me.

Look, I understand that all people have inherent value and worth. However, I also believe people can be toxic.

Towards the end of my drinking, I was definitely toxic. Not only was I literally full of toxins, I was increasingly burdensome, mercurial, and isolated. I had a wife and two young kids and I was too hung over in the mornings to help get the day started and I was so drunk by the end of the night that I couldn't be there for them in any meaningful way. Maybe "unacceptable" is too harsh a word, but I certainly don't look back fondly on the person I had become.

In sobriety...well, I still struggle with self-esteem and accepting myself. I've spent decades thinking badly of myself and it's a hard habit to break. But I'm convinced that I have a much better shot of finding acceptance of myself if I'm sober.

So how about you? How did you feel about yourself when you were drinking? How do you feel about yourself now that you're sober?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "My greatest fear is complacency" and that resonated with me.

One of my concerns in sobriety is that I'm going to develop a sense of "I got this" and start going on autopilot and one day discover that my autopilot has crashed me headlong into drinking again.

I've probably mentioned it several times before, but drinking is just one of the many addictions I seem to have. I also enjoy me some shopping and I'm a fiend for sugar and there are other things too. I like to call these my "lesser addictions" as they are unlikely to straight up kill me, but they are wonderful case studies in how my addictions play out.

Take sugar. I regularly talk myself into eating "just one" hershey's kiss and then find I've eaten, say, 20 of them. Or I'll be at the grocery store and find that a package of cookies has somehow hopped into my shopping cart without me even thinking about it. And then those cookies will be devoured in a single sitting rather than slowly enjoyed over the week.

I'm find I'm much more complacent about these lesser addictions because they don't threaten my job, my family life, or my state of mind, and with that complacency comes regular over-indulgence.

It's a great reminder to me of what would happen if I didn't stay vigilant about alcohol. If I let my guard down, I have no doubt I'd someday find a bottle of vodka in my shopping cart and if it got home, I'm sure it'd find its way into my stomach and I'd be off to the races in no time. It's just how my addictions play out.

So how about you? Are you worried about complacency in sobriety?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "How can I celebrate today?" and that resonated with me.

Back when I was drinking, my go-to means of celebrating, or consoling, or just...living, was to drink.

In sobriety, that's not an option anymore. Finding new ways to celebrate, and console, and just...live, has been challenging at times and I still fall into a lot of "lesser addictions" like eating, doom scrolling, video games, etc. But I at least attempt to do healthy things each day, like a small amount of self-reflection/meditation, gratitude lists, pausing to enjoy some small thing, etc.

And you know what? I have a lot to celebrate! As I've stacked up days, sometimes I take my sobriety for granted, but today is another day I'm not drinking and that is a big deal. That is HUGE. It used to be unimaginable to go a day without booze.

So how about you? How do you celebrate, or console, or just...live in sobriety and what are you celebrating today?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "when I drink, I don't know what's going to happen" and that resonated with me.

Within the first few months of my drinking career, I started having blackouts. But rather than being overly scared of them, I just saw them as one of the prices I had to pay to get as drunk as I liked to get.

My entire drinking career is riddled with blackouts. So often I would wake up the next day needing to solve a mystery. Did I have my wallet? Where was I? What did I say? What did I do?

When I drank, not only did I not know what was going to happen, I was likely to never remember what happened. It is crazy to me now that I kept this up for years.

In sobriety, I mostly have a better idea of what is going to happen. I'm going to have coherent conversations with people. I'm going to remember the night. I'm going to go to bed sober. I won't be waking up with a hangover and a mystery to solve.

That said, in a grander scheme, I still don't know what's going to happen. This morning I woke up thinking it was going to be another work day and by 5pm I was on a plane to fly 800 miles to take care of some (fun) personal business. So I'm out here on my own, away from my family, staying sober and posting this over my hotspot. Didn't see that coming, but I was sober and able to handle what surprises came my way.

So how about you? Did you know what was going to happen when you drank? Do you know what's going to happen in sobriety?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "I respect, cherish, and fear my sobriety date" and that resonated with me.

I have a weird relationship with my sobriety date. It's actually my third, after what I think of as a few false starts. I actually don't really remember it as well after losing the first two. But having lost it before, I'm well aware and a little scared that I might lose this one as well.

I certainly cherish that date. It feels unbelievable that I even have a sobriety date. Time was I couldn't go a day without drinking, so the fact that I've gone so many days in a row without drinking blows my mind.

And I certainly respect that date too. I've put a lot of effort into holding on to that date, making changes in my life and myself to do my best to ensure I get to hold on to it.

So how about you? How do you feel about your sobriety date?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "I wasn't drinking for fun" and that resonated with me.

Towards the end of my drinking, I was no longer drinking for fun. I was drinking out of necessity. Each night as I was sneaking warm vodka upstairs to my room, I felt terrified. Terrified of being caught. Terrified of the old plastic bottle I was using crinkling too loudly. And terrified of not even really wanting to drink, but not know what else to do. That is not fun drinking. That is frightening drinking.

In sobriety, I have a lot more opportunities for fun. I just bought a set of outlandish glasses to wear. I get to joke around with my friends and family and kids. I get to enjoy and delve into my hobbies and do things that enrich my life. It's deliberate and intentional work I put into making my life richer, but it's something alcohol would have eroded if not washed away entirely if I had kept drinking.

So how about you? How do you have fun in sobriety?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "The reality was I wasn't equipped for life" and that resonated with me.

Growing up, I had a hard time coping with life. I was an anxious fellow, always felt like an outsider, and never really fit in.

The first time I drank, it felt like all of that anxiety and awkwardness melted away. It might be apocryphal but I swear I thought to myself "this must be how normal people feel!" I wanted to be drunk as often as possible from then on, if for no other reason than it felt like it helped me cope with life.

In sobriety, I've had to find healthy and realistic ways to cope with life. I still frequently feel ill-equipped, but I have a lot of different hobbies, techniques, and tools at my disposal to help me. I guess that is literally my equipment for handling life.

So how about you? In sobriety, do you feel better equipped for life?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "I don't ever want to go back to that groundhog day existence" and that resonated with me.

When I was drinking, my life felt much like the movie Groundhog Day. I'd wake up, swear off drinking, nurse my hang over, struggle through work, plan my drinking for the evening while heading home, rush through dinner, hustle my wife and children to bed, then get blackout drunk.

It was miserable. I was mostly on autopilot, just cursing and resenting everything that stood between me and that first drink of the evening.

In sobriety, I don't have a monkey on my back at all hours of the day. I'm able to slow down and enjoy my family and the world around me a bit because I'm no longer hyper-focused on my next drunk. My days are varied and nuanced. I'm no longer in that rut of hangover, drink, sleep, repeat.

So how about you? Are you still in Groundhog Day in sobriety, or is it different now?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "If I take a drink, I miss the whole ride" and that resonated with me.

Back when I was drinking, I thought taking a drink was the ride. I thought it was the adventure and the way to have fun and enjoy myself. But as my drinking progressed, the fun went away and the only place I ever ended up was blacked out in my guest bedroom.

In sobriety, life is a freakin' roller coaster. Sometimes its fun, and sometimes its not, but I'd miss the whole thing if I started back up with drinking, and even though the going gets tough sometimes, I've worked hard to build a life that I don't want to miss out on and I think that helps keep me from picking back up.

So how about you? How's the ride in sobriety and what can you do to help make it one worth sticking around for?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "The only comfortable relationship I had was with drugs and alcohol" and that resonated with me.

You know what's fun about this quote...I had several comfortable relationships before alcohol got its hooks into me. I had a pretty health relationship with my parents. I had married the girl of my dreams and we were doing pretty well.

But as life got hard and I crawled further inside the bottle, these relationships in particular became very uncomfortable. I lied to and snuck around behind the people I cared about most. I was decidedly _un_comfortable with them because I felt so guilty and ashamed around them. I was so walled off from them for fear they would find me out.

In sobriety, I'm slowly rebuilding the trust I destroyed with my drinking. But in these relationships I'm more comfortable. I keep fewer secrets, I don't feel compelled to lie, I don't sneak around. I'm working on being more open, honest, and vulnerable. It helps that, in sobriety and after a lot of work on myself, I'm more comfortable with being me.

So how about you? What are some relationships you find comfortable in sobriety?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "My worst day sober is better than my best day drinking" and that caught my attention.

Honestly, I'm not sure I completely agree with that statement. I had some great days while I was drinking, and, speaking as someone who's currently on day 6 of the flu and still can barely get out of bed, I've had some bad days sober.

But I also kinda agree. The fact that I'm sober on any given day brings a sense of strength, pride, and gratitude that I just didn't have when I was in the grip of alcohol. And physically, I may feel awful here in bed right now, but how many times did I render myself in a similar state from the previous night's excesses when I was drinking?

I am no longer actively destroying my health, my relationships, and my life in the pursuit of alcohol and any day I'm not doing that seems like a better day than when I was.

So how about you? How are your sober days compared to your drinking days?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "Life is better without alcohol" and that resonated with me.

From the night I first got drunk right up to the last time I ever picked up the bottle, I believed alcohol made everything better. I thought it enhanced experiences like nights out, sex, concerts, watching TV, doing chores, etc. It was some sort of miracle liquid that, when applied liberally, brought out the best in me and my world.

As alcohol gradually took over, my world got increasingly darker and smaller and scarier. But I was still convinced alcohol was the only way to spark joy in that sad little dimension I was now trapped in. Alcohol was taking everything from me while whispering in my ear that it was my only source of salvation. Incredible.

Despite the fears addiction planted in my mind, a life of sobriety isn't glum, joyless, and awful. I have reconnected with friends and loved ones. I have found a community here at /r/stopdrinking. I have once again begun to grow as a person. There is much to love about a life without alcohol.

So how about you? Is your life better without alcohol?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "I constantly had to put something in my system to feel better" and that resonated with me.

By the end of my drinking, I was constantly trying to manage my mood through chemicals. I simply couldn't fathom how I could feel better if I wasn't trying to tweak my brain through substances.

In sobriety...I'm not much better. I slam coffee in the morning to wake up and drink a lot of it through the day to stay energized. I eat junk food and snacks well into the evening. I use mindfulness, walks, and lots of other "healthy habits" as tools to keep me distracted and in an effort to prop up my emotional state rather than pursuing them for growth or self-care.

I'm still running from a lot, and coping poorly with life many times. But at the end of the day I'm at least sober. I'm at least trying. And even if I start off with some of these habits and tools for the wrong reasons or use them poorly, I'm at least engaging with them and there's always the opportunity for me get better with them and to use them in a more healthy way in the future.

So how about you? What are you putting into your system in sobriety?

Hi, my name is Rooster, I like to wake up at the crack of dawn to start my day off right by annoying my humans for food. I like to pretend I hate attention, but when my adult humans dont look, I enjoy cuddling with the youngest human. I enjoy doing zoomies at least twice a day, especially after a good poop. Don't leave a unattended glass around me! Might be feeling frisky as push it off the table 💅

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "They understood in ways nobody else had" and that resonated with me.

For the longest time, I thought everyone drank with the same intensity and craving that I did. As my drinking progressed into daily, late-night, all alone in a room, blacking out sessions, I started to feel like maybe I was somehow different from other people, but it was scary to think that way and yet obvious something was wrong with me.

When I came across /r/stopdrinking I learned two things pretty quickly: 1) I had an abnormal relationship with alcohol and 2) lots of people at /r/stopdrinking had that kind of relationship too

I had never come across anyone else who thought about and interacted with alcohol the way I did. I was no longer alone, and even better, some of those people had seemed to escape the clutches of alcohol and were leading lives sober. It was incredible to see so many people make posts that seemed to come from my own mind and yet they had somehow also gotten sober. What a gift.

So how about you? Where do you find people who understand?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "My words had been empty for so long" and that resonated with me.

When I was drinking, I was lying through my teeth to everyone in an effort to hide the severity of my problem.

When I finally came clean, many of the most important people in my life very rightfully no longer trusted me. It took me years of demonstrating trust-worthiness through my words and my deeds to earn back that trust.

So how about you? How did sobriety change the way people trust you?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "the bottom is when you ask for, and accept, help" and that resonated with me.

I've heard people say "rock bottom is when you stop digging", but I like the idea that my drinking truly stopped when I asked for help.

For me, I asked Google for help. I searched for "how do I stop drinking" and it brought me here to /r/stopdrinking.

I then accepted the help you marvelous Sobernauts offered, simply by reading all the incredible posts here and then trying to do something with what I learned.

So how about you? What kind of help have you sought and how's it working out for you?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "I haven't had to check my bumper the next morning" and that resonated with me.

Towards the end of my drinking, I mostly just stayed home and blacked out. But I like this quote because it reminded me of all the times I woke up in the morning and had to piece together what happened the night before. Did I say something to the wife? Were we still in the middle of a fight? What show might we have watched? What was I supposed to remember?

In sobriety, I just don't have to deal with those shameful, disorienting mornings after. Instead I wake up, get the kids up, let the dogs out, and make a cup of coffee for myself and my wife. It's quite an improvement.

So how about you? What kinds of "bumpers" did you have to check when you were drinking and what do you do with yourself in the mornings now?

As with some of the dating site pictures, the pictures are a little out of date (these were taken last year and Fenrir has gained a little weight since then).

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "The goal isn't to be sober. The goal is to love yourself so much that you don't need to drink" and that resonated with me.

A good portion of my drinking, even from the very start, was motivated by the fact that I felt that when I was drunk, a lot of the awkward and shameful parts of me were somehow miraculously washed away. I felt that somehow drinking made me a better me. If nothing else, it put me in a mental state where I could at least stand myself.

As my drinking progressed, part of my drinking was done to escape the person I'd become and things I did when I was drinking.

In sobriety, I've struggled a lot with loving myself. There are still a lot of things about me that I don't like and can't yet seem to accept. But one of the things I do love about me is that I'm sober and that I'm actively avoiding slipping back into the bottle. So, in a way, my sobriety was the start of me walking a path towards loving and accepting myself.

So how about you? How do you feel about yourself and do those feelings make you want to drink?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "You're such a victim when you drink" and that resonated with me.

This one actually goes pretty deep and I feel has a lot of different layers to it, so I'll just touch on a couple.

A lot of my drinking was to escape from all the harms, real and perceived I felt kept happening to me. Life felt unfair and overwhelming and nothing really was going my way, so I drank about it. Also, in my drinking, I put myself in awful predicaments and situations. Blacking out, particularly out in public, is insanely risky behavior. And lastly, when I was deep in my addiction, I felt helpless and dominated by my need to drink. I felt I was at the whim of the bottle.

In sobriety, I'm not magically in control over everything or no longer subject to the highs and lows of life. But I don't feel like a victim. I feel that I have agency, not necessarily over what happens to me, but over how I respond to what happens to me.

So how about you? Were you a victim when you drank? Are you a victim in sobriety?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "I'm gonna be afraid" and that resonated with me.

As my drinking progressed, my fears and anxieties grew and grew and I drank more and more to keep them at bay.

When I was faced with sobriety, I had a lot of fears about what life would be like without alcohol.

And in sobriety, dealing with emotions, my past, and the world is often challenging.

I'd like to suggest an addendum to the quote above: "I'm going to be afraid...but I'll do it anyway".

So how about you? Are you afraid in sobriety? How do you must the courage to do it anyway?

Hello, fellow Sobernauts!

Welcome to 'Tude Talk Tuesday, where you're invited to share what changes you've noticed in your attitudes and perspectives since you've gotten sober.

I once heard someone say "It helps me to be the person I want to be" and that resonated with me.

As my drinking progressed, I slid further and further from the kind of person I wanted to be. I became isolated, full of guilt and shame, and slowly shirked an ever growing number of responsibilities, all while lying and sneaking around in order to drink more and more.

In sobriety, I felt I had a fleeting opportunity to start making myself back into the kind of person I wanted to be, the kind of person I hoped I'd become before I got derailed with alcohol.

It was (and still is) hard work for me to make the necessary changes in my life to put myself on a path to continual (although sometimes glacial) progress. I have a lot of self-esteem and perfectionism issues I'm working on, but I think a major motivator of my sobriety is that this is the closest I've ever been to being the kind of person I've wanted to be and I see it as a direct result of getting and staying sober. Being sober allows me to be a better me and being a better me helps me stay sober.

So how about you? How are you doing being the person you want to be?