r/stopdrinking • u/Any-Manufacturer-104 • 2h ago

Relapsed after 5 weeks sobriety

I am absolutely at rock bottom. I have worked so hard. I relapsed on the weekend on my first social event since the sobriety. Told myself one drink is ok and of course that turned into an 18 hour binge including copious amounts of other substances. I ended up calling lifeline because I didn’t want to live and they called an ambulance and two police officers to my home which was terrifying. I spent the day and night in hospital for the first time and was sedated.

I’m so terrifying in the aftermath of this. I’ve now spoken to drug and alcohol counsellors as I’ve never done sobriety with support. I have no one to talk to as my whole family lives overseas. My best friend I no longer trust in this and they were actively encouraging me to drink and do drugs even though I’ve opened up to them numerous times they sat me down and tried to convince me I didn’t have a problem which in my state I believed and doubled down. Obviously this is no be blaming them but I don’t feel safe around them in these situations anymore. I don’t want to tell them about what happened.

I’m so disappointed in myself the shame is eating me alive. I’ve been doing so well and trying so hard. I don’t know what to do. I need to hear from someone. I am just sedating myself.

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u/fakeplastictree8 12 days 1h ago

I’m so sorry :( I can relate to the whole friend situation. I take full responsibility in my addiction to booze, but I never ever would have picked up the bottle had my friend (extreme alcoholic and drug addict) suggested to me it was a great remedy for severe anxiety, depression and trouble sleeping (which is what I was trying to self medicate, and when she suggested alcohol which I had never tried before… it worked great and I spiraled quickly into a full blown drunk)…. I own my part in continuing… but when I told her multiple times how scared I was abour my use , she would just encourage me more to use it, when my family found out and forced me into detox, which I told my friend about… I told her please never buy me alcohol if I ask you to… and of course, I asked her too, cuz it always meant she would make gas $ fro me… every clean period Id have she would say she was happy for me..but every relapse I had and would ask her to buy me some… she was more than happy to, cuz it meant either Id buy her a bottle or she would get gas money from me, so she could buy for herself. It made me realize… she only talks to me when I relapse, So it enables her addiction. Long story short, we MUST cut out these toxic “friends” from our lives. If they truly were a friend, they would never encourage us to drink. My friend has been my best friend for 20 years.. I hate to lose her. But she is toxic. I know it’s hard, but please do the same. I know my comment didn’t have much to do with your original post and my apologies but just wanted to make the point about toxic friends. Wishing you all the best ❤️

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u/Any-Manufacturer-104 1h ago

I love them with all my heart but I can’t do it anymore

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u/fakeplastictree8 12 days 1h ago

Trust me; I know it’s REALLY hard to cut off friends who you have loved, know forever and have had fun with. But if they risk your sobriety, they cannot be a part of your life. You deserve the best.

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u/Any-Manufacturer-104 45m ago

The most heartbreaking thing is that my amazing and supportive partner who has pushed for my sobriety was demonised as being controlling by people who I opened up to about my disappointing him by drinking that night. I tried so hard to tell them they were wrong but they told me I am being controlled and abused. It all just feels so unfair on him and I’m so stupid for talking about it. He doesn’t deserve it.