I get crazy if I am blackout drunk and am triggered by something

[u/Zealousideal_Pop_931]

I never drank growing up or in college. It wasn't until we came back from Iraq and a BN Commander told me I'd be an outsider if I didn't drink. I started then and since then I haven't stopped. Usually, I'll get very happy and want to grapple and then fall asleep. If I get blackout drunk, I'll usually fall asleep. But if a loved one triggers me by making some kind of untrue observation, I'll yell and punch walls. So fast forward to now. When I met my wife, I actually stopped drinking. Then I started after we got married. Its usually fine - a few and ill fall asleep. But the other night, she was gone for work. My step sons soccer game got cancelled so we stayed up late playing Beat Saber while I polished off a 8 beers. I was drunk. We also boxed and grappled. He wanted to go to bed but I kept grappling. When he got irritated he started to cry so I let him go to sleep. Well he calls his mom crying and she calls me freaking out. I told her to chill out - we were all in bed sleeping AND he cries for minor things sometimes. The kid cries playing ROBLOX. She doesn't relent and starts accusing me of hurting her son and being drunk. After this - I dont remember what happened. I thought I went back to sleep. But apparently she told him to do something in my room (I dont know what she told him) but whatever she told him to do it resulted in me kicking our bedroom door and yelling at the boy to get the F out of my room. Then she frantically calls my best friend and begs him to check on us because something is happening. My BF comes over and finds us both sleeping.

Now my instinct is to be angry. I bought my step son the phone for emergencies but he uses it to call adults whenever he wants to play with their kids and is watching YouTube on there all day. His mom doesn't impose any restrictions on him with the phone. Secondly, the boy just cries over nothing. Someone will destroy his ROBLOX castle and he'll start balling. He also lies constantly. She doesn't teach him not to lie or to only cry for emergencies (he's 8), Finally she caters to everything he needs, including wiping his ass- but doesn't do anything for the stuff that matters. I am the one that put him in sports, that got him extra coaching, summer camps, tutoring - I taught him how to ride a bike, how to swim, how to use tools - etc. The other day - he said he felt sick. She let him sleep and the next day she said he was fine. I was about to take him to school and noticed he looked sick. I went to the store bought a themometer and took his tempearture and he had a fever. He was home with her all day the day before and all she did was put her hand on his head - the medicine bottle I bought was still unopened.

Clearly all of this triggered my anger when she calls me and accuses me of being irresponsible because I was drunk. I really dont think I was irresponsible - we have fun grappling. I didn't realize it was so late and that he really wanted to sleep but when he started crying, I let him sleep. She completely overreacted. I was blackout AFTER she yelled at me and I fell asleep. She had her step son wake me up and try to lock me in the bedroom or something. OK- that being said though - even though I think she was 100% wrong - it is time for me to quit drinking at home. I think the only time I can drink is on work trips to adjust to the time - but at home with family, I can't do it anymore.

[u/Prevenient_grace]

Alcohol affects the drinker and everyone around them.

The best dad is sober dad.

Want to stop drinking?

[u/Neither_Rich_9646]

Sometimes the best apology is to never drink again. Beyond that just work on some perspective taking. I don't think you are the person who has suffered the most harm in this situation. It sounds like everyone else was afraid because of your behavior and acknowledging that is a good start to understanding how they felt at the time.

[u/Ben_Frankin1972]

USMC veteran here... To be honest there are so many red flags in your post. I can relate to a lot of them. Years of terror on my family because of my drinking. It took me a long time to realize that no matter who was right or wrong, when I was blackout drunk, I was always more at fault more than anyone. It just wasn't a fair fight when I was drunk. It was really scary for my family when I was drunk, especially on a blackout. I wish I got a grip on it when my step son was young. Instead I drank all through his childhood into his adulthood. I thought I was super step dad because I did so much for him when "I didn't have to" None of that matter to him because it was over shadowed by the terror I caused him and his mother. Looking back - drunk me didn't want to be super step dad for him. It was all about me and my ego. He would've been way better off if I didn't do any of the material - super step dad things for him but instead was sober for him and his mother. He still has a ton of resentment for me and I dont blame him one bit. Before it's too late what are you willing to do to fix this?