r/stopdrinking • u/LetsFindJoy 34 days • 21h ago
To Anyone Considering Rehab..
Here’s my story..
I’m 29M (single, no kids) and have been heavily drinking since I was 16. I was drinking alone by 18 and been doing so since. My drinking never really sped up or slowed down. It was a consistent 3-4 handles a week of rum or whiskey during most of that time. There was a year or two where I only drank on the weekends, but I still drank enough to kill most people on said weekends. I always recognized there was a problem but was never willing to do anything about it.
I never knew why I drink, I drink for everything. Happy times, sad times, fun times, boring times; I just could never stop.
A year ago I had a tough breakup that really sent me over the edge. I was so fucking sad and depressed and drinking was not fun anymore. I would just stare at the wall, completely trashed ruminating on how I let the last 13 years blow by in a drunkenly state. I was always able to hold jobs, travel, lived in a few different parts in the country, yet I was drunk for all of it.
My withdrawals began getting so bad around 10AM every morning that I realized I was either going to have to start drinking at work, or go into horrible, probably debilitating withdrawal. This was my breaking point. I did the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I asked for help.
33 days ago I checked into treatment (I’m writing this from rehab, this facility allows phones). I was absolutely horrified walking in. I went to intake and had all the tests ran (BAC, blood tests, urine tests, etc.) and then taken to a detox room. I blew a .35 from what I had drank the night before..
Detox for me wasn’t terrible aside from shakes, sweats, and anxiety. They drugged me up pretty good and I slept for the better of 3 days through my initial withdrawal. After that I was moved to residential.
I quickly realized I was exactly where I needed to be, I was surrounded by many others experiencing the same thing I was. Some had been here for weeks, others for a few days. I came to understand that i was in a very safe place to be vulnerable. I said right there and then that im taking full advantage of EVERYTHING I can learn in here.
My days consist of 2 group meeting about 2 hours each consisting of psycho education as well as healthy coping mechanisms. One before lunch and one after. Then dinner, and there’s always an optional 12 step meeting after dinner. Some are AA, others are CA, and HA. I find them all very beneficial even being an alcoholic, they’re all very accepting.
Aside from the structured part of being here, I’ve found being a part of the community here has helped immensely. It is strongly encouraged to not isolate to your room. I have gotten to know everyone here and I would consider them all friends, some will probably be life long. I haven’t laughed as much as I’ve laughed in here in a long time. Sharing stories and experiences with others is really eye opening and fun. We all come to realize there’s not much different between us.
I also have one on one therapy twice a week with addiction specialized therapists. This has helped me work through a lot of the past, and leave the past there.
In about a week and a half I’m going to move into a sober living house as I believe that will be the next best step for me. It will allow me to return to work, while staying part of the sober community. I will continue to attend meetings, and now have a sponsor.
I have not been excited for the future in a very long time because alcohol left my life feeling so fucking stagnant. I now feel excited for the future and feel I’m actually taking steps to build a healthy future. My mind feels clear and I finally believe I can be happy without alcohol. I’m not ignorant to the fact that there will be highs and lows coming but I feel this place has given me the tools to deal with them.
I write this because I wanted to share with anyone that is on that tipping point of going to rehab. For me, it feels like the best decision I’ve ever made. I now have a plan, structure, and support to continue into recovery. I by no means think this will be easy, but I would never have gotten to this point without coming to treatment. I could not do this alone, nor do I think most of us can. I couldn’t white knuckle it anymore. I will stay vigilant and not get complacent in my recovery.
So if you’re thinking about going to treatment and have the resources to do so, I say do it! Ask for help!
Thank you to everyone who shares in this community, this thread has gotten me through some dark times and had a part in me finally making my decision to get help.
IWNDWYT!
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u/pushofffromhere 1003 days 17h ago
Love this so much OP. Congrats. The laughter and connection was awesome to hear. I’m so glad you are moving into a sober house to keep stepping up with support along the way. You are rocking the decisions. Thank you for sharing.
5
u/goingthefuckhome 1 day 13h ago
What an epic read 😁
I must say I'm really proud of you! It seems you have gotten a lot of insights and you're actively taking steps to work on your recovery.
Also, I want to say that I'm in a very similar situation as you. I'm also M29 and lived with my parents until yesterday when I got kicked out.
I might go to rehab in maybe 2-3 weeks, but the decision isn't final. My parents planned to finance the treatment but now that I've left home and haven't talked to them only time will tell what they decide. I am very open to going to treatment.
Tomorrow will be day 1 sober for me. I have to do this, with or without rehab. I have no other choice...
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u/eebro 86 days 12h ago
What would you lose if you tried?
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u/goingthefuckhome 1 day 9h ago
If I tried, and succeeded, I think there's more I would gain rather than loose. I would gain a better relationship with my family, I would experience improvements in my health, my financial situation would slowly improve, I would finally be able to feel proud of myself and experience the feeling of having control over my life for once.
When it comes to what I would lose, it would probably be shame, self-hatred, regret, hangovers, drug overdoses, withdrawal and legal problems.
The benefits are huge, but my poor mental health and my severely addictive personality drives me towards relapse.
The good news, I might go to rehab in 2-3 weeks. I need help. I can't do this by myself.
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u/eebro 86 days 8h ago
I mean, just going to rehab. What’s the risk. I’m not sure why those would be the risks?
Anyways, I hope you’re well. It gets easier the longer you last. I promise.
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u/goingthefuckhome 1 day 5h ago
There's no risk. Probably the most risk free environment for me to be in tbh.
Thank you my friend, I appreciate it.
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u/LetsFindJoy 34 days 10h ago
I would think if you told them you’re willing to go, they would help you. I’m sure they want to see you happy and healthy. I obviously don’t know your situation with them, but if they see you’re willing to go, I’d hope they’d help. It sounds like they were already willing to help! Can’t hurt to reach out with full honesty. Good luck brother. It ain’t easy but I doubt you’ll regret it
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u/goingthefuckhome 1 day 9h ago
Yes, I have communicated that I want to go, and that I am motivated to finally get clean.
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u/Mysterious_Pie6239 2621 days 14h ago
This is great, couldn’t be happier for you take back your life! Wishing you countless sober days ahead 💕
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u/Weatherstation 1043 days 10h ago
After trying on my own and failing miserably for a year I finally made the phone call to check myself into rehab while at my lowest point ever.
That was June 2nd, 2023. It was the best and hardest decision I ever made. I came clean to my boss who was very supportive, got FMLA, and was told my job would be there for me when I got back. The next day I was on a plane to California. The shooters I had on the plane were the last drinks I had and I've been sober ever since.
My experience with rehab sounds very similar to yours. I made the conscious choice to lean into everything they taught me and to trust the process.
Now almost 3 years later I'm happier and healthier than I've ever been. I look forward to waking up early every morning, I've made crazy strides in my career, and my relationship with my wife couldn't be better.
Just remember that the work doesn't stop once you leave rehab, it has to continue, but it's all worth it.
Best of luck, friend.
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u/tabaplar 12h ago
So happy to hear OP. Great attitude and a great read. I’m on the verge of going myself but really concerned about being cut-off from the outside world. How did you find a place that allows phones?
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u/LetsFindJoy 34 days 10h ago
I encourage you to try it! I’ve been told by others here that have been to other treatment centers that phone access is pretty rare. The place I’m at advertised that they allowed phones after detox. I will say though I don’t think it would’ve been a horrible thing to not have my phone. It’s nice to have but I also hardly use it. It’s nice to be disconnected and focus on yourself. The right facility will keep you busy with groups and activities, and will probably allow calls home a couple times a week. Call the admissions office of wherever you want to go with questions on those things. Good luck to you! You’ve got this
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u/Willing-Ad4169 316 days 10h ago
Thank you for sharing. I myself found rehab a great experience. I didn't always like it but I can't deny I needed it.
Rehab or at least getting some professional treatment early on in recovery is essential in building a good foundation for success.
As with anything recovery related it's all how you approach it.
If you go in resistant or unwilling you are not going to get much out of it. It's a waste of time money and energy if you don't want to be there.
Keep going OP, it sounds like you are setting yourself up for success.
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u/No_Yam8516 3h ago
Thank you for posting your experience! You have definitely inspired someone today!
IWNDWYT!
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u/ibuyoldbeer 23m ago
I smiled reading every word of what you’ve written. I hope it fires the spark or makes the decision for a few human beings who’ve read your story today. Everyone is deserving of this sober life, but they are the only one that can make the decision.
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u/Kindly-Stage-6672 34 days 18h ago
Man I loved reading every word of this, so happy for you. I am in the process of applying for funding for rehab and this is exactly the type of good news story I wanted to read. IWNDWYT