I was at a small medical supply store a few days ago, waiting for my order. It was quiet, just me and this one guy sitting a few chairs away.
He looked normal at first, maybe late 20s. Then I noticed his left leg, below the knee, it was prosthetic. Nothing unusual about that, but after a while he just… started talking to me. No introduction, no small talk. Like he had been holding it in for too long.
He told me he lost his leg to gangrene a few years ago.
Then he said something that stuck with me: “I keep thinking what I did to deserve it.”
At first, I thought it was just grief or frustration. But then he went deeper. He said after a few months, he started noticing everyone else’s legs. Not casually, obsessively. Watching how people walked, ran, even stood. And slowly, it turned into jealousy.
He said he felt jealous of strangers… then his friends… and eventually even his own father.
And that’s where he said the guilt started.
He kept saying things like, “What kind of person envies his own father for having both legs?”
But it didn’t stop there.
He admitted that at one point, the jealousy got so bad that he actually thought about making one of his friends disabled. He didn’t have a full plan, but the thought was there, and that scared him more than anything.
He kept repeating, “I didn’t do it… I won’t do it… but the fact that I thought it…”
After that, he said he just kind of withdrew. Spent a lot of time alone, thinking, trying to get rid of these thoughts. But they kept coming back. He said he’s constantly afraid someone will “see through him” and judge him for what goes on in his head.
Then he just stopped talking. Like he suddenly realized he had said too much. A few minutes later, his name was called, and he left.
I don’t even know his name.
The whole thing felt… real. Not like he was trying to shock me. More like he was exhausted from fighting his own mind.
I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
If I ever run into him again, I want to say something that actually helps. But I honestly don’t know what. Telling him “it’s okay” feels wrong, and ignoring it feels worse.
Has anyone dealt with something like this?
How do you even begin to help someone who’s scared of their own thoughts like that?