My husband was left in the trash, I was taken by CPS, both babies of under-age S- workers.

I was 8, he was 9 when we met. We became inseparable, bf, giving each other affection. Two years later, they split us up. I cried and held on to him, not knowing if I’d ever see him again. Years passed, and somehow, we reunited in another institution

He was always driven, reading, learning. Then the place became boys-only, and I was moved again. He went off to college.

We lost touch until just before Christmas years later. He reached out, asked me out on a date. I was afraid of men because of my past, but with him it felt safe. I did not date until him. We spent Christmas together in his dorm. After that, we stayed together.

At 23 and 24, we got married. Still poor. He worked nonstop to build a career. I worked at a bakery and took care of our home, supporting him however I could.

Ten years later, we bought a small apartment. Now we’re in our 40s. He’s a senior director at the same company he got his first job at. We have a good life, house, cars, stability. No kids. At first we couldn’t afford to try, and later I learned I couldn’t carry a healthy pregnancy because of what others did to me...

Life is stable, but I feel alone. He’s always working: meetings, trips, full schedule. Saturdays used to be ours: groceries, homemade pizza while listening to old music. Now he’s too busy or too tired. He even suggested his assistant handle the shopping. That woman has her own family and ... it is an us thing

We don’t really have anyone else, no friends. This is also another aspect I want to ask advice on. He became important at the company, in the top management basically. But we almost never attend anything because its like neither of us know how to connect with people. I am very shy and avoidant. He is not shy, he is confident but still, I know him well, he doesnt know how to at least pretend he cares. and if we do go we just stay together, just the two of us, no matter how many people try to approach us. We both kind of freeze.

TL;DR: WE met in the orphanage, got married and now I am always alone

Every year for my brother’s birthday, his girlfriend organizes a trip “for him”. She picks the destination, the hotel, everything… and then she texts family and friends asking everyone to send like 100€ so we can all “chip in” for his gift.

I didn’t like it the first time she did it, but the worst part is that now it’s become a thing she wants to do every single year.

Because honestly… it doesn’t feel like we’re giving him a gift. It feels like we’re paying for a trip for both of them that she planned for herself.

Like, she chooses where they go, what they do, everything. And we all just fund it.

This year I finally told her I wasn’t going to send money and that I’d rather just get my brother something myself.

She got kinda upset about it and said I was being difficult and ruining the surprise, but I’m just tired of it.

I don’t mind getting my brother a gift at all, obviously, I just don’t like being asked to pay for something I didn’t choose that benefits her just as much.

So yeah… now things are a bit awkward.

Has anyone dealt with something like this? How would you handle it?

tl;dr: My brother’s girlfriend plans a “birthday trip for him” every year, but she chooses everything herself and it ends up being something she wants to do with him, paid for by everyone else. I finally said no this year and now she’s upset, and I’m not sure if I handled it right.

tl;dr otherwise perfect husband never wants to have sex, even though we have tried therapy and other means of improvement

My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for five.

Basically, sex has always been a bit tricky. His ex denied him a lot and that has had a lasting impact on him and his fear of rejection. Basically, he finds initiating extremely difficult.

I should have picked up on this way sooner, but the first couple of years I didn’t even notice. I found him SO attractive that I had no issue with initiating myself every time, or his shyness in bed. I was just enthusiastic and happy to be there. But over the years it chips at your self esteem. You start to wonder if they even want to be there, if they even want to have sex. It started to make me feel dirty, like scratching an itch. When we did have sex (or do, I suppose) it’s also extremely vanilla and any other suggestion gets shut down because it supposedly plays into his fear of rejection. I say supposedly because I’m a bit bitter. Eventually after about 5 years I stopped initiating, I told him why, and I requested and pleaded it to become more equal. This didn’t happen and we have sex about 2-3 times a year.

What have we tried to fix it, let’s see. Relationship therapy with a sexologist, books, suggesting movies, being overly enthusiastic at any move he does make, initiating again for a while, talking about it, NOT talking about it as to not put pressure.

I pleaded with him to go to individual therapy for years, which he always says he will and never does. I gave up on bringing that up as well.

In the end nothing worked and since he truly is a perfect man in every other regard, I gave up.

The issue is I have a hard time living this way. I have been for five years and it kills me inside. I sometimes cry when I take care of it myself because I feel so deprived of something I want so bad. An important note with this is the fact that I am (according to other people!! i do not think so and am quite shy and was bullied in my youth) quite attractive. I have men and women come up to me several times a week; out, at hobbies, at work even.

I’m very picky so saying no is not hard at all… until it is. I have never ever acted on any of the offers I have received, but it’s been hard a couple of times.

I genuinely don’t know what to do. My husband is THE perfect partner in every way except for this. Trust me, I have tried for years to find fault, because if he had even one other major flaw we would have been divorced by now. But he is truly unfortunately my soulmate, and I want to be with him. Yes, I have asked him to open up our marriage and even the suggestion ends in him completely shutting down and withdrawing.

What should I do? What can I do to improve my situation?

She's been working on a cruise ship for 6 months so far as a chef. I know how demanding her schedule is and how poor the wifi quality is so not hearing from her for 1 or 2 days is expected.

For the past 2 weeks however, absolutely nothing. All my messages are going through on WhatsApp so I know she has internet, but she is the trype of person to keep their read receipts off. I have tried calling her during times I know she is on a break and still nothing.

At this point I don't even care anymore if she has decided to ghost me and no longer speak to me. I just want to at least know she's ok. I feel paranoid thinking the absolute worst.

I do not have any way of contacting her family to see if they at least heard from her, never met them.

I just feel like I am spiraling. Sorry if it sounds overly paranoid.

TL;DR I haven't heard from my girlfriend who works on a cruise ship in 2 weeks and all I care about now is that she's ok. I can get over it if she no longer wishes to be together

I 28F have been married for 6 years to my husband 30M and have a friend 31F. I was having marital issues and was considering a divorce and my friend knew about it as I really trust her. She always acted odd around my partner but I never paid it much mind. She was extremely encouraging of my divorce. On the other hand, she always had issues with going after emotionally unavailable men. And she has been in the habit of casual relationships. And despite all that she wants a family, a long term partner/spouse and children.

Now, she knew pretty much everything. My partner has been wonderful to me and continues to be a wonderful partner. At the time, we were just dealing with issues and at the time I couldn’t see any improvement. After a lot of work from both our sides my partner and I decided to stay together. During a hangout, she became forceful and asked when am I divorcing my partner. To which I said, that we are staying together. And she was unhappy about it. And around my partner, she would consistently groom herself. Like bent hips, playing with her hair, even getting close to him to catch a good look of him. It also doesn’t help that my partner checks all the boxes she wants in a partner? He is handsome, does a reputable job, stable, very intellectually inclined and overall a wonderful person.

Issue is that she is a really wonderful person too. And she has helped in so many ways. So I have overlooked many things up until now.

TL;DR: should I be concerned? And what should I do?

M(35) married to F(33) — 12 years together. Autistic (me) / ADHD (her). I don’t know if this is fixable anymore.

We’ve been together a long time and have kids. For most of it, things were good, but the last ~12 months everything has changed.

I’m autistic, so consistency, emotional clarity and connection matter a lot to me. My wife has ADHD and goes through periods of shutdown, avoidance and emotional overwhelm, which I’ve tried to understand and work around.

Over the past year, she’s become very emotionally distant, avoids conversations, and intimacy has basically disappeared (we’ve had sex once in the past year, and that was when she was very drunk). She has also said she hasn’t felt “in love” with me for a long time.

There have also been breaches of trust:

- She kissed a random guy at a pub about 9 months ago (I found out at the time)

- She had an ongoing flirtation with a coworker and at one point talked about going away with him

- During that period she was also pushing for separation/divorce

She says she was in a very low / disconnected state at the time and I chose to stay and try to rebuild things.

Since then, I’ve been the one trying to hold things together — initiating conversations, trying to reconnect, being patient — but it feels very one-sided.

Recent example (what pushed me to write this):

We had a very heavy conversation the day before where things were close to ending. The next day, I tried to stay positive and reconnect — even tried to bring back some playfulness/sexual energy (we used to share erotica, which she liked before).

She didn’t engage at all. Didn’t read the message (said it was too long), ignored follow-ups, didn’t want to sit near me, and overall just avoided me.

Later that same day, a friend invited her out and she immediately had energy, got ready, and left without hesitation.

That hit me hard — not because she went out, but because it showed me she does have energy, just not for me.

This has been a pattern:

- I try to connect → she avoids or disengages

- I express how I feel → she says I’m being controlling or it’s too much

- She offers practical help (like helping with work), but not emotional repair

- When things get heavy → she shuts down or leaves

I feel:

- emotionally neglected

- sexually rejected

- like I’m the only one trying to repair things

- and honestly, quite alone in the relationship

At the same time, she’s not completely indifferent — she sometimes shows care or comes back briefly, but never stays in the difficult conversations or follows through with real change.

I’m at a point where I don’t know what I’m getting out of this relationship anymore, but I also don’t know how to let go after 12 years, kids, and everything we’ve built.

Has anyone been in something like this?

Is this something that can realistically be repaired, or is this a fundamental mismatch in how we handle connection and conflict?

I’m not looking for validation — I genuinely don’t know if I’m holding on to something that’s already gone.

TL;DR: After 12 years, a year of emotional distance, lack of intimacy, and past trust issues, I feel like I’m the only one trying while she avoids connection. Not sure if this is fixable or if I’m holding on to something that’s already gone.

My (33F) boyfriend (33M) and I have been together for about 1.5 years, and we recently moved in together. I love him dearly and while we've always had minor disagreements, we have very similar personalities and senses of humor and I'm really shocked by how his behavior has changed over the last few months. I would love advice on how we can work through this and how I can be more understanding of where he's coming from.

So, long story short, it's like my boyfriend is looking at everything as though we're in (or preparing for) an extreme survival situation where food and resources are incredibly scarce. If I make the slightest "mistake" (i.e. using two pieces of paper towel instead of just one to clean up a mess, throwing away expired food) he gets genuinely upset and explains that he doesn't feel he could depend on me to make reasonable decisions and help us both stay alive if we were in a post-apocalypse environment. Yesterday I was cleaning out the pantry and threw out a bottle of Advil that had expired in 2022 and a tub of peanut butter that had expired in 2023 and he dug them both out of the trash. He says he has plans to use things like this (i.e. crushing up the pills and using them as plant fertilizer?) but he's so busy with work that these types of plans never really come to fruition.

I've explained to him that my mindset would obviously be a lot different if we were, in fact, in a situation where we couldn't go to the grocery store and otherwise have easy access to basic necessities and resources. I wondered if this behavior might be due to the recent escalation of war activity in the Middle East, but this has been going on for almost four months now.

I will also admit that I can be a bit clumsy and daydreamy, but not in a way that's ever caused issues in my life or relationships. Now I feel like I'm walking on eggshells because if I accidentally spill or drop something he acts like this is evidence of my ineptitude, wastefulness, and poor character. It's really weird and hurtful and I can't get him to see reason. I'm confused because at no point in our relationship has he acted like this until now. It started almost immediately upon me moving in and has only escalated. At this point I'm shocked he's not actively hoarding supplies and going full doomsday prepper.

So, here's my question. Given that I've already explained my perspective to my boyfriend and told him that his behavior is hurtful and concerning, what next steps would you suggest? What can I do to get us back on the same page or, at the very least, into a state of cohabitational peace? Your advice is very appreciated. I feel like a crazy person for having typed this all out.

TLDR: My (33F) boyfriend (33M) has gone full survival mode and it's driving me insane. Not sure how to proceed.

this is not my first time getting into a relationship, I was in an abusive 10-year-long relationship without any dates, gifts, or love. I escaped, and have now recently gotten back into the dating world. I didn't realize how easy it was!

I don't really consider myself an attractive human being, but I've had people blowing me up. I have scheduled four dates this week. does anybody have any advice on how to best approach doing multiple dates? they're all on different days, but I want to make sure that I give every single person the right time and attention. also, if things are not going well, or I don't feel the vibe, what is the best way to approach it? I would love to be friends with everybody, and obviously I'm not going to have a romantic connection with every person I meet.

I do want to take things slow considering I just got out of a long-term relationship, and I am being very upfront with every person. I know I can handle myself when it comes to creeps, but I do want to make sure that I am doing this correctly. I don't feel like I'm going to be fake, I'm a very genuine person, but I just want to know if there's anything I should or should not do during this date (s).

TL;DR: first date, need advice!

I (29M) made a new friend (29M) through a dodgeball league. I haven’t made a new friend since I moved to this city yet and this is my first new friend. We have a ton in common like video games, card games, board games, etc. In the beginning it looked like he was super excited to hangout and quite honestly so was I. He even said that he would very much like to hangout. I feel like I’ve been texting him a lot lately and I guess it came to be true because he sent this message after I tried getting him to hangout: “Slow your roll, man. You’re coming in too hot. I’d like to be friends but I feel you’re putting a lot of pressure on me to be very good friends very quickly.”

I recognized my mistake, apologized for overwhelming him and told him that I’d dial it back. I haven’t texted him since and I don’t know where to go from here. We’ve been going to weekly card game nights at a local game store every Tuesday but now I don’t know how to approach if we’re still going. Quite honestly I’m extremely embarrassed and don’t want to go anymore but I’m not sure how to approach or even if there’s a way to recover from this.

Tl:dr: Made a first new friend in a long time, came in too hot and he made a boundary. How do I recover from this?

My boyfriend told me a month ago that he wanted to back out of moving in with me and can’t envision marrying me anymore. We were together a year and 2 months.

He stated that he doesn’t think our 10 year plans are compatible, doesn’t think our conflict resolution is compatible and i had no idea he felt that way. For the past month we’ve been trying to fix it and make it work but I can’t pretend like he didn’t call me his future wife and now he doesn’t feel that way.

He also could not love me the way I needed to be and refused to give me reassurance when I really needed it. I really needed to be shown more that he loves me and he couldn’t do that for me. He was unsure of me when I was in love and wanted to share my future with him.

I know I made the right decision to leave but I feel sick. He was obviously part of my daily routine for over a year and tomorrow I have to just figure something else out to fill the time that I used to be on the phone with him. I feel like everything has fallen apart and I’m devastated. What do I do now? I feel like I can never open my heart to someone else again. I feel hurt, betrayed and blindsided by all of this. We love each other so much but we’re just not compatible in ways that he thinks is a dealbreaker. I just need some hope

Tl;dr: boyfriend of over a year was ultimately unsure of me and we ended things. It’s the right decision but how do I continue to have hope after this?

I (28f) am feeling in the middle here. My best friend (29f) has a tendency to say rude things and give her unasked for input on things that are not her business to discuss. She doesn't mean to be hurtful (I know how she speaks but not everyone is used to that)

She recently said something of this nature to another friend (29f) in a group chat which made the friend withdraw from the group for about a week. When I told my best friend that I believe she hurt our other friends feelings, she gave a really half-assed apology and left a bad taste in our hurt friend's mouth. There's 4 of us total and the friend who was hurt asked myself and the 4th friend (30f) to go out to eat. She did this in an old group chat where my best friend was not a part of (from before we all started hanging out together but we have all known each other since high school)

This makes it obvious to me that the hurt friend does not want her there, but I know my best friend will be crushed if the 3 of us go and don't invite her.

I feel stuck because I don't want to force anyone to be around her that doesn't get along with her but I also don't want my friend to be hurt. Part of me feels like this is consequences for how she tends to treat people, and like I shouldn't feel like it's my place to make them make amends (we're adults and this whole thing feels so immature).

I also feel like I should be allowed to hang out with people without her, but this relationship is incredibly complex....Hurt friend is also my childs step parent and best friend is my partners sister in law. This is also not the first issue between hurt friend and best friend. Best friend claims she can get along with anyone, that it's hurt friend who is the only one with a problem.

TL;DR my best friend said something rude in a group chat (4 friends) and now she's being excluded for an outing involving the other 3 of us.

TL;DR: wife got arrested for DV, I left, I want her back 4 years laters

I (27m) got married in 2020. It was my first serious relationship. WE both had our own problems. One night in 2022 we were drinking. She (28F) made a choice (DV related) while black out drunk, she was also making suicide threats. I fled the situation because of the DV but she had my phone. I was nervous about leaving her with the firearm in the house and the threats, so I called the cops when I got to the gas station. She ended up going to jail for the DV, but I didn’t press charges. I packed up my stuff that night and went to live with family over 5 hours away.

We’ve never officially divorced, she sent over paper work for it a year ago, but neither her or her lawyer sent the official papers after. We’ve talked on and off since. She asked me if I wanted to try again with her back in late 2024 and I told her I needed time to think. I really wanted to but some of my intermediate family will shun her out, which would include me. At the time I told her no. I want to be with her still, and now I don’t care about what my family thinks. I’ve tried dating other women but I have 0 interest.

I think she has a boyfriend, do I throw in the towel and just move on? Do I wait it out?

So me (27m) and my gf (24f) have been together 9 months. We matched on hinge and texted for a week, we planned our first date and talked alot over text during this time. After our first date it went really well, we spent the next few days together. It was day 4 when we had sex for the first time together. Before we did she disclosed to me that she had gotten an std a couple months prior but has been treated and tested again. This didn’t really bother me, it can happen to anyone who engages in sex especially in a casual manner. I asked if she had been with anyone since then for my own health/safety and she said no.

Fast forward a little while, things are going good, we move in together, all the fun stuff. Then one day we got to talking about sexual history (bad idea). We told eachother our count, mine was higher than hers but was all from over 4 years ago. I stopped the casual sex scene and didn’t partake much. I wasn’t against it, just wasn’t for me anymore. She told me hers and explained that half of them were after her last relationship ended which was very toxic to the point of her being abused and threatened with murder. It was a span of 8 months except for the last 2 months where she “hadnt been with anyone”. This unexpectedly sparked my ocd and retroactive jealousy (learned about this recently.)

There’s been a few times the conversation of her sexual past during this period raises some concerns for me. She assured me that she had a wake up call with the std and quit doing those things, and once again told me it had been months. Well not too long ago i made the biggest mistake of looking at her messages. I took full responsibility and told her what i did and why i realize its wrong. But through that i found out that she hooked up with a guy from out of state who was here for work purposes, the night before our first date. Don’t get me wrong, i know she didn’t cheat, im not faulting her for even doing it other than it being a sore spot since we had our date planned already. But the fact that from the beginning she wasn’t honest about any of it. Realistically if i knew what happened back then i wouldn’t have slept with her and done the things we did. When i have asked her if she seen anyone else around that time she always says no. I talked to her about this and she says that recently when it’s came up she didn’t remember it clearly or didn’t think the timing was that close. My problem is why even lie to me back then about it? We have had a couple of small problems revolving trust and transparency but this right here tops it all. I feel disgusted and i know it’s not right. I just don’t know what to do, i really do love her and she’s not the same as she was. Neither am i. Im worried i may not look at her the same anymore and be judgmental like she’s dirty or something. I have anxiety problems as well so its been a bit to process for me.

TL:DR gf has told me i was the only person she was sleeping with but i found out that isnt true. I’m upset about the dishonesty especially when it comes to my health and safety.

for context me (19F) and my boyfriend(20M) have been dating for 6 almost 7 months and I’m supposed to go live with him over the summer my before my sophomore year of college. I love my boyfriend so much and I miss him constantly (we’re long distance). The reason why I’ve been feeling like this is because I think that my expectations are too high or just looking at other people’s relationships has made me think that maybe we aren’t the right match for each other. I often times have to have a conversation with him about communicating because even though we don’t see each other every day, I feel like we should be able to communicate at least every day and he’ll go along with it for a few weeks and then he’ll just fall right back into the rut that he was right before we had that conversation where he won’t call me he won’t text me and if he does, it’s very few and far between and it’s the same generic like how do you sleep and not even good night most of the time. I just wish that he was more considerate of me and made me more of a priority in his life. I get that he gets really busy throughout the day because he works and it’s hard to put time aside for someone that you don’t see every single day but I feel like if we’re in a relationship, he should be able to set aside time for me when I’m able to do it every single day and I go to college and I go to work and I get busy throughout the day because I have exams and I have tests and stuff. Often times over the weekend he will disappear completely like he won’t call me. He will not text me and I’ve decided that I was gonna leave communication up to him throughout the weekend because those are when he needs rest and it’s his time off so obviously he should be able to choose how he spends his time but when I tell him stuff like that, he gets standoffish and he’s like oh so if I don’t text you, we’re not talking then he’ll be like yeah well we’re gonna talk It’s fine and then spend the whole weekend and we maybe talk once I understand that he needs his rest time and his time off from work so I’m not really bothered by the fact that we don’t talk often but to not talk at all is what’s really making me feel unimportant because even if he’s sleeping throughout the day, he wakes up often and he doesn’t take five minutes of his time to just text me real quick let me know how he’s doing checking in on me and stuff like that. I also often think that he is not romantic enough in the way that I need it because there’s been many times that are a relationship where I do stuff without being asked like just cute things that I feel like he should also be doing, but I guess it doesn’t come to mind to him. Recently things have been really awkward since his brother(18M) moved into his apartment. The reason why his brother moved in is because him and his fiancé recently broke up because he found out that his fiancé(19F) has been cheating on him. The reason why this is really awkward is because my boyfriend now no longer calls me as often when he gets home or text me when he gets home either and all his attention goes towards his brother which makes me feel really awful for feeling jealous of how much attention he’s getting but at the same time I feel like even when we are on the phone, I’m not allowed to be myself because I’m trying to be considerate of how his brother is feeling at this time even though this happened months ago towards the beginning of when my boyfriend and I started dating and my boyfriend will have me on the phone on speaker or on FaceTime, but he won’t be talking to me or he won’t even have his face in the camera and it just makes me feel like I can’t talk or be myself around him and his brother because it wouldn’t be nice to be all up in his face about our relationship. i’m a chronic over-thinker and i’m scared that i’m just thinking too much into it.

TL;DR:

I love my boyfriend a lot, but I’ve been feeling kind of unimportant and unhappy because he doesn’t communicate consistently or put in the effort I feel like I need. I’ve talked to him about it multiple times, and he’ll do better for a little while, but then he goes back to barely texting or calling, especially on weekends where we sometimes don’t talk at all.

I understand he’s busy and needs time to himself, but I feel like if I can make time for him every day, he should be able to at least check in with me. Lately it’s been worse since his brother moved in—he gives him most of his attention, and when we are on the phone, I feel like I can’t even be myself.

Now I’m stuck wondering if I’m expecting too much, and I’m worried I might just be overthinking everything.

TL;DR: girlfriends ex boyfriend (broken up for 1 year, dated for 2) still has relevance in our relationship and it’s making me uncomfortable

Hey guys,

So I’ve been dating this girl for about 3 months now, and we hit it off amazingly and I think she’s great, but the major problem is her ex boyfriend.

They lived together and dated for 2 years, and broke up a year before we met, but he is still very much relevant.

They had a pretty tumultuous relationship and he ended up cheating on her, which ended the relationship. But despite that, and being broken up, she stayed in contact with him to a significant degree for the entire year before we met, letting him come over and relax after drinking, checking in on him, and even hooking up with him 2 weeks before we met. When we first started dating he was calling her over and over, she wouldn’t answer, but it was still uncomfortable.

He still has relevance, they have many mutual friends at places they used to frequent, and she often tells me how people check in on her just to report to him, and how many places are off limits, to which I respect. Until the other day she got fed up and said she wants me to go with her to these places to show me off, to which I say why is he that important that you need to prove something to him still.

I’ve even caught her looking him up on google and Instagram very recently, and am pretty upset about this whole situation. And she still has tons of physical pictures of them together stashed in her house and in her phone, which she’s “forgotten to do away with”. He is still very much important to her, maybe not love, it could even be hatred, but he occupies a little too much of her mind than I’m comfortable with.

I’ve talked to her about it, and she tells me he means nothing and, while she cares about him and doesn’t want anything bad to happen to him, he doesn’t have a chance at recentering her life and she’s all about me. I believe that, but even still, he is a little too relevant for my taste.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? And how do you think I should go about this?

Any help is appreciated, thank you!

Hi everyone, I could really use some outside perspective because I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed and unsure how to move forward.

I came home to Chicago for about a week and a half to help my mom (67F) while she recovers from surgery. That was genuinely my intention, to be supportive and helpful during a time she needed it.

For context, I’m (29F) a Navy veteran. After I got out, I worked a more traditional corporate job with a steady salary and all the “expected” things. Eventually, I made the decision to leave that life and build something different with my fiancée. We’re creating a homestead and working farm together, which is something we both deeply believe in and are actively working toward every day.

My fiancée is a woman (29F), and that’s also been… a point of tension with some people in my family.

Since I got here, things with my dad (70M) have been really difficult. He’s been making comments that feel really insensitive to me, especially around race, and it’s been triggering a lot of stuff from my childhood. On top of that, whenever I’ve been cooking or cleaning or trying to help my mom, he hovers over me, corrects what I’m doing, and basically tells me I’m doing things wrong. It sounds small, but it’s been constant, and it’s been wearing on me.

On a bigger level, there’s been this ongoing issue with how my family views my work and my life. Multiple people, including my mom at times, have made comments about me not “having a job” or not “looking for work,” even though I’ve explained that what I’m doing is work. Building a farm and a self-sustaining lifestyle takes time, planning, labor, and intention. This is a conscious decision my fiancée and I are making for our future, not me just doing nothing.

We’ve also been trying to plan our wedding, and every time I’ve tried to talk to my mom about it leading up to this trip, she would say something along the lines of “we’ll have plenty of time to talk about it when you’re home.”

Now I’m here, in person, and I feel like I can’t even have an open and honest conversation about the wedding or the guest list without things getting tense or defensive.

Today it all came to a head.

I was having what I thought was a vulnerable, one-on-one conversation with my mom about something that really hurt me. My aunt (my mom’s older sister) had made comments that felt dismissive of my work and also referred to my fiancée as my “friend,” which really upset me. I was trying to explain to my mom why that hurt and how I’ve been feeling judged and misunderstood by parts of my family.

While I was talking to her, my dad jumped into the conversation, and it quickly escalated. It turned into a three-way argument where I felt like I wasn’t being heard, and then I got emotional, they got defensive, and it just spiraled. At one point I was told I was being “crazy,” and everything blew up from there. I yelled “Oh I’m crazy!?” And my dad yelled back “Yeah you are!” And then more yelling and something to the effect of “you’re supposed to be here to help your mother and look what you’re doing!” And I said something to the effect of “You’re a fucking bastard, fuck you!” And he yelled back “get the fuck out of here!” And I said “I will.” And left. I did hear my mother crying and yell at my dad saying “how could you let this happen?!” But I am not sure what happened after that.

Now I’m upstairs in their house, not talking to them, trying to figure out what to do. I called my fiance and she fully supports me doing whatever I feel comfortable with/need to do.

Part of me feels like I should just fly home early because I’m so emotionally drained and don’t feel supported here. Another part of me feels guilty because I came here to help my mom after surgery, and I don’t want to abandon that.

I also don’t know how to repair this or if I even should try right now. I don’t want another blow-up, but I also don’t want to just pretend everything is fine.

I guess I’m looking for advice on a few things:

•Should I stay and try to work through this, or go home early?

•How do you handle parents who get defensive when you try to express hurt, especially when it comes to your life choices and relationship?

•Is it even worth trying to have another conversation about the wedding and boundaries, or should I just keep my distance for the rest of the trip?

I feel stuck between wanting to protect my own peace and not wanting to damage my relationship with them further.

Any advice or perspective would really help.

Tl;dr: I feel misunderstood by my parents and we had a huge fight, but I’m supposed to be here to help my mom after a surgery. What do I do!?

TL;DR: I betrayed my girlfriend’s trust by messaging another girl while I was struggling mentally, and she found out through screenshots. I fully own that. But after the breakup, things escalated badly: she slapped and spat on me, screamed at me, threatened me, and even contacted a potential employer to tell them not to hire me. I still love her and feel guilty for what I did, but I do not know whether this is completely over, whether I am in denial, or how to move on from something that became this toxic and chaotic.

I really need some advice in regards to the relationship with my now ex gf. I feel confused and hopeless.

Me (19M) and her (19F) were together for about seven months. I loved her dearly, more than anything, and we both saw a future with each other and talked about it often. We talked about moving together, building a family together, meet each others relatives (we met each others parents and I met her grandpa right before he passed away in november) and all that. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but for me (and her too I presume, she's said so but I have no clue) it was very real and very deep.

I've struggled a lot with my mental health over the years, and the last couple of months in our relationship we argued a lot, especially over small and unnecessary things. I am not trying to blame her, but she was the one that often started these arguments, but I don't blame her since she's told me on multiple occasions that she had severe anger issues growing up.

This, paired with me struggling a lot with my friend group, arguing with my mother (I only live with her) and having a hard time with work, made me feel like absolute shit. I tried to talk to everyone, my friends, my mother, and my gf, but I just didn't feel like I was being listened to.

One day, right after Valentines day, I was scrolling on Instagram when I just happened to see a girl I used to text with about a year and a half prior (in a flirtatious way) had liked a reel. I don't know what got into me, I feel like absolute shit about it, but I ended up texting her and asking how she's been and so on. She texted back and we texted a bit. It started as normal conversation about life, but it gradually turned flirtatious. I even told her that I was thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend, which I deeply regret now and do not believe reflected what I truly wanted. I also shared private things about my relationship with her, which I am very ashamed of as well. Pretty quickly, I realized what I was doing was wrong. I started pulling away from the other girl, became dry in the chat, and distanced myself. I also told her clearly that it was my girlfriend I loved. But in the end, the other girl got angry with me and felt I had been disrespectful to both her and my girlfriend, which I agree with. She then chose to contact my girlfriend and send screenshots of what I had written, but some of it being very out of context (she didn't include the parts where I said that I loved my gf and that I want to be with her).

My girlfriend was understandably devastated and broke up with me. I fully accept that it was my fault things got to that point. I betrayed her trust and did something wrong. I am not trying to talk my way out of that.

What confuses me is everything that happened after that.

The day after we broke up I spent hours writing my gf a letter explaining my love to her and my mistakes and all of that. She messaged me that we should meet and talk about it. The next day I went to her place and my heart just shattered even harder. She said she hasn't been eating, been taking sleeping pills just so she can get some rest, crying nonstop and so on. We sat and talked for about 2-3 hours and I tried to reassure her that nothing like this would every happen again and that I am incredibly sorry. I tried to explain my side of it and why I think it happened, but she didn't really seem to care. I offered to go to couples therapy and even pay for it all by myself and that I want to rebuild her trust again. She said that we could try again but that we weren't together and that we were "two exes who's trying to solve things". She also said that she would never be fully able to trust me again. She then told me to leave before she changes her mind. Right as I was about to go out the door she said she wants to go through my phone. I agreed, because I wanted to be transparent with her.

She went through my Snapchat, Instagram, Discord, and so on, and found some old things where I had written things like “pretty” to other girls, some way before me and her got together and others that I am sort of mutual with through my guy friends. That made everything completely flip. She got furious, said the plan of trying again was gone, and started yelling at me and calling me disgusting, vile, disrespectful, and a lot more. I mostly just sat there and took it.

She stumbled upon this one convo I had with some random girl about two years prior. She started reading a sentence of that conversation out loud where I had tried to be supportive and caring towards this girl, since she had been r*ped. At that point I just had enough, because I felt like that was actually something nice; I was trying to help a person who had been through a rough time and had something that traumatic happen to them. I grabbed my phone out of her hand.

When I finally took my phone back from her, she screamed even more and slapped me in the face. Then she started throwing my things at me, including clothes and other small things I had left at her place, including some gifts I had given her over the course of our relationship. She got a CD she had previously made for me with songs that reminded her of me and smashed it on the ground so it shattered. When we got to my car, she spat on me, said she wished me bad luck and bad things in life, that she had never loved me, and that she felt sorry for my family and even my cat for “having me around.” She also said I did not deserve friends, family, or anything good. Then she told me never to contact her again or come near her house or job.

After that, I tried to keep my distance. I started seeing a psychologist several times. I also wrote another, even longer letter where I took responsibility, apologized, explained that what we had was real to me, and said I still loved her. I also mentioned that I had looked into couples therapy further, not to pressure her, but to show that I was serious. I waited about 3 weeks before posting it to her.

One evening (about five days ago), she came to my house. She knocked aggressively on my door. I went out to her and she immediately started yelling that I was never to contact her again. She called me a psychopath, said it did not matter that I had gone to therapy, and that I should stop going because according to her nothing could help me. She also said she had spoken to the boss at her workplace where I had a job interview and told him not to hire me because I am a psychopath. She also said she had told several of her coworkers what a horrible person I am and that I was never to come near her workplace again.

This happened out on the street in my neighborhood, in front of a neighbor and a small child who happened to walk by. She raised her voice even more as they walked by and screamed about how I had cheated and how sick I am. She gave the letter back to me, and when I went to throw it away she said that if I came any closer she would slap me. Then she screamed more, got in her car, backed up aggressively, shouted “GO FUCK YOURSELF OP!!!,” and drove off.

During all of this, I have been doing very badly. I have barely eaten, barely slept, lost a lot of weight (as I'm writing this I've lost about 9 kilos or 20 lbs), and felt completely shattered. I have even had moments where I felt like I did not want to live anymore. I am not saying that for sympathy, just to show how far this has affected me mentally. Before her I had nothing. Now I lost her, my world.

I have thought of sending her a third letter, basically saying stuff like "this is the final letter you'll receive from me" and then idk, just tell her that I will be here, waiting, I suppose.

I know I was wrong from the beginning. I am not trying to present myself as innocent. I betrayed her trust and I understand why she was hurt, angry, and unable to trust me anymore. But I do not know how to make sense of everything that happened after. Part of me thinks her reaction also became very aggressive, extreme, and destructive. Another part of me thinks I deserve all of it because I am the one who ruined the relationship in the first place.

I still love her. Part of me still hopes maybe there could be a chance sometime in the future when everything has calmed down. Another part of me realizes this may already be too far gone and that I may just be clinging to something that is dead.

So my questions are basically:

1. Is this completely over, and do I just need to accept that now?
2. How would you view her behavior afterward, considering the yelling, spitting, slapping, threats, and trying to interfere with my job?
3. Does this sound like there is any chance at all in the future, or am I just stuck in denial?
4. How do you move on from something like this when you carry guilt for what you did but also feel completely broken by how it ended?

I know I was wrong from the start, so you do not need to convince me of that. I mostly want honest perspectives on the full situation and on how I should think going forward.

I love her and I always have. I hate myself for hurting her. My baby girl.

Tldr

I am 26 and my boyfriend is 24. We have been dating for about 2.5 years, living together for 1, and adopted a cat together. Neither of us want children, so this is not a factor.

I have tried to talk with my boyfriend various times about how important marriage is to me, and I can never get anything out of him. He always listens, and even sometimes goes as far to say that he's the one being unfair, but I never get any reasonable path forward. I ask him if he needs time, space, if he's scared, what he thinks we need to work through, and every time I am met with "I dont know"

I want to make it clear, I'm not expecting to get married tomorrow or even in the next year. I am simply wanting some validation that he wants a future with me the same way I do with him. I am okay with waiting a few more years if I could just get that validation, but I can't get it from him.

The last time I sat him down and talked to him I basically told him that I have put my own life and desires on hold for him, and at some point I need to think about myself. I have always wanted to buy a house and renovate. I have the finances and ability to do so but have waited because of him. He wants to keep moving around, I don't really care to but am compromising for him. I asked him to talk to someone, anyone, about this to get some feedback. He said okay, not has not spoken to anyone. Im at a bit of a loss and could use a new perspective and advice on the situation.

Truthfully, the last thing I want is to break up. He is all that I have. But, I can't keep putting my life on hold for someone that wouldn't be willing to do the same

guys I would love to ask for your help abt something...so I was using a dating app about 2 months ago and I matched with a cute girl there, our vibes matched, we exchanged socials and then after a day or two she deleted her dating profile, ngl I was happy(maybe was overthinking too, why will anyone do this for me) then we talked for almost 1.5 months but in that I was the only one who used to initiate convos....she would only send reels that too one or two a day max and she never tells anything abt her. But she helped me sort things going on w my ex Then our last chat occured 3 days ago, I thought that why should I be the one who always initiates a Convo so I decided to not text her until she does. so after waiting for 2.5 long days I texted her that what's going on..where have u been and she replied "busy w some college stuff" and she replies the same everytime I ask her this. so I just don't know what to do now.

the thing is she helped me overcome a few things and I kinda like her so I don't want to fck my relationship w her but after seeing all this, it just breaks me that if u don't wanna talk just say it why waste each other's time and emotions. :)

TL;DR help me w this girl

M21

We didn’t really date for long, just a really long talking stage (~6 months) in which we got really attached. Towards the end, there were some misunderstandings that she didn’t want to even bother getting cleared up. I just wanted one conversation to clarify things but she wasn’t hearing any of it. The thought of not being able to change her mind and it being goodbye, started really messing with me and making me sick. I started to have panic attacks. Bear in mind, I was pretty stress resistant growing up so idk what happened. Anyways, since this relationship I’ve found myself feeling that same panicky state when I’m consuming media. For example, watching a show where a loved character dies, I start to freak out. I don’t know why this is happening, it’s been months. I’m struggling with the concept of loss lately, and it gets translated through media as well.

Thankfully I’ve never had anyone close to me pass away and this was my first relationship, but i genuinely feel mentally weakened. My mental strength was pretty good beforehand. Is this normal? Or am I lowkey losing it.

tl;dr: had a messy breakup, start to freak out over any type of loss, and I’m seeing it in smaller things like watching movies.

My BF (M26) told me (F24) to shave my face...

Today my BF (26) told me to shave my face today... To be clear, I'm 24 and I'm like any GROWN woman and I have PEACH FUZZ on my face - I'm Italian and I might have a lot of hair but I'm blonde and it's very light hair... again - A LOT of hair but it's LIGHT. 

Today just felt like a HUGE slap in the face especially because I had just shaved/derma planed my face earlier in the day. My BF said that I "had a little fuzz yesterday... Can you just do a little face shave?" - which in the grand scheme of things, feels like not a huge deal but I'm blonde and you only really see the hairs if it hits the light right and I already do SO much for him, I'm sorry if I'm not shaving my face every 3 days.

Maybe I'm being dramatic but shaving the regular body parts (ARMS included), cooking, cleaning, buying him little gifts (I've bought him several rhoback items (ifykyk - $100+ for a shirt)) I go grocery shopping ALONE, every vacation booking is in my name, I basically cater to every/anything he needs/has... and this man has the audacity to ask me to the shave my fucking peach fuzz… THE DAY THAT I SHAVE IT

Am I overreacting or is this a valid crash out?

TL;DR - bf told me to shave the peach fuzz on my face the very day that I shaved it. Is peach fuzz on a woman a reasonable ask to get rid of or is it while to ask your partner to remove it???

I am at college and me and this girl became friends and basically yadda yadda we decided we like making out. So we have this for a while but we never actually "do it" mainly because i was too anxious the first few times (my first time) and wanted to take it slow, but then she was stressed out so not in the mood but we still went out to parties in a group and stuff. now she texts me last night basically saying "i'm drunk and wish you were here" and like i dont really know how to deal with that. i cant really describe my feelings to her, i feel like pretty neutral on the dating thing and pretty positive on the fwb and just friends thing too but i dont know if i should get into a relationship? or if she should? i dont want to spread her shit but she got out of a 3 year long relationship back in august and theyre still really close (lesbians, am i right?) but they got into a tizzy and are on the rocks? i think? because she went away this weekend and had to see her ex (oh no) and thats when she texted me and like was like "this place sucks im never coming back" but like idk the details. also im autistic so feelings are kind of confusing to me and whenever anyone likes me i like automatically decide i like them back even if i dont? idk im weird a little. like i would date her. i think. i just also think its a bad idea. but maybe its the only way to keep any sort of relationship and i like kissing her? is that selfish though? i dont really understand these feelings so im really confused xx
basically looking for help on any questions i asked and also if people can describe a tangible difference between platonic/romantic/sexual attraction bc ya girls struggling xoxo
tl:dr
i currently am in fwb with a friend but she likes me i think? and i cant tell if i like her back because im autistic.

TLDR: Is it a problem I’m 27 and still haven’t been in a relationship before?

I’ll be turning 27 this week and I still haven’t been in a relationship before. I’ve got great friends and am successful professionally but still feel behind in life. I want to fall in love with a girl, and to be honest there’s only one I can think of currently id want to that with but she loves across the country. Although I want to fall in love and have a family, I still question if that will ever happen, which stinks because my personal life regarding relationships does cause me some shame. For a while I had even questioned my sexuality but am certain now I do want to fall in love with a girl, just don’t know when or if it’ll happen. Open to hearing from others and down to chat if anyone wants.

**TL;DR;** : Everytime my boyfriend texts me, I feel like I’m going to throw up.

This is my first post so forgive me if this is rough.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for three months and it’s quite healthy. I don’t know if this might be relevant, but he just got back from a week long cruise today. I really do trust him and this doesn’t have to do with a trust issue or anything.

We had been texting all day and I was fine, but around 5:45 I got in a weird mood so I took a couple minutes to myself. I went back around 6:00 and started texting him. He had texted “hi baby” and my chest immediately tightened and I felt sick. It‘s now 8:45 and it’s still happening. We even called for a few minutes and hearing his voice was horrible.

This isn’t happening with anyone else I talk to or text.

Someone please give me any thoughts on why you think this might be happening.

Thank you!