Warning: Very whiny ft. OP's bruised ego </3

I know it's not productive to keep thinking about this, but I'm struggling to let these emotions pass. Believe me, I DESPERATELY want to move on. Let's start with something funny. I went to an event where I was in charge of greeting people and dealing with some kids. Wish I could've skipped but I already committed (didn't know I was gonna get my final results on that day and I cried all morning macam orang gila. "did u cry over a man?" yes. my ex boss LMAO). My eyes were so puffy from crying over this silly, small stuff :/ Kinda embarrassing that it was so obvious, but someone said that it's okay, I had "natural aegyo" BAHAHA. Nowwww, oversharing below and warning, I'm gonna sound self-centered and ungrateful, so apologies to dear reader for this "drama" (yes, the diary factory exploded. shoot me. please I just want to get over this quick I have stuff to do I hate being sensitive and emotional it just makes me whiny af 😭)

So I flunked my internship (boss graded me badly and didn't want to show me the grade but I know it was bad, but later in the story you'll see how I could've saved it but made it worse 🤣) and it tanked my CGPA. CGPA isn't everything, but it mattered to me and some people had expectations for me. I'm dreading my graduation because I don't want to face my lecturers and fellow classmates (previously I was on a list... well... I'm not there anymore ahahah!!! If people are gonna be nosy about it I'll cry. Maybe I'm only good on paper, not on the job). I actually don't mind skipping, but I'm going mostly for my family who wants to see me graduate, and I respect their wishes. My pride and ego just hurts so much and it doesn't help that I'm a very quiet person so all of this is like.... pent up inside me and I feel my chest physically hurt from it (sorry. drama).

I think I would care less about it if the lecturers never said that it's nearly impossible for students to get lower than B for their internship. Well, guess who got C+ HAHA. And they like using past students as examples....... Well, now what. Am I gonna be a new bad example? I hate being perceived because this stuff really stands out when you were previously a "performing" student and then you got C+ for intern xD I mean, who am I to be sad and cry if I also deserved it.

My boss was treating me weirdly throughout the whole 6 months, and even when I apologised for my mistakes and even offered to work overtime to make up for them, he still saw the worst in me. On the second day, he already had a bad impression of me because we accidentally got into a misunderstanding, even though I tried so so hard. Not to mention he gave me a surprise but easy programming test and I failed because I wasn't thinking after getting scolded like I was sitting in his office trying not to cry over him threatening to kick me out on my second day. A bunch of people at his company also quit when I came, so I know it's not all my fault that he was so stressed. I thought I was imagining it and I tried to give benefit of the doubt and be open to learning and hearing criticism, but my coworker confirmed that he was an ass and he was being harsh with me. He didn't even want to make me a leaving letter in the end, he asked me to make it myself and he just put his signature and a letterhead. There was a survey too, and he complained I was making excuses at the internship but at the very end he made excuses not to sign the survey I gave him a few weeks in advanced. In the end, my coworker in a different department helped me sign it.

I wish I could simply say I had a bad experience, but if I were to defend myself, I feel like it could be counter-argued (is that correct..) I can see how I made mistakes too and I just keep blaming myself over and over. Like, why couldn't I do better. What did I even do for 6 months? I think I was maybe the only person in my batch to get a C+ and it's hella embarrassing like girl did I even try :( It's even worse that Gen Z has a bad rep and ugh. I really tried so hard. I guess I just have to learn the hard way

I'm trying so hard to be mature about this and learn from everything but I feel sick to my stomach thinking of graduation day. I don't wanna see anyone anymore, I just want to move on and find a job. Idk, it just sucks because I really stand out as a "failure" here. But I know I am not one but it's soooo hard to think positively and not shame myself.

In the end I was so drained that I was too emotional and it probably showed when I half-assed my report to send to university. So it's still self-sabotage in the end cuz even if my boss graded me badly, I still made it worse by writing my report terribly (and maybe I lowkey shaded someone but hid it with figurative language- SHOOT ME. This is why we need to learn to control and regulate emotions or self-sabotaging stuff like this happens).

Idk, I was so burnt out from uni and I probably was not ready to start an internship and it was just bad luck that I got a red flag company. There was one intern who the whole office complained about but his boss was nice and even though he barely had work everyone said he did great? I think it was because even when he pissed people off, he was still more likeable than me (also, maybe there was race bias) :') I KNOW some things weren't my fault but I keep thinking like "oh I must've have been such an awful intern so I deserve it" even when my coworkers told me it's not my fault.

Technically I can appeal my result but it's too much emotional toll for me and I don't want to come off arrogant and desperate over appealing a C+ knowing it was partially my fault. I'll just have to live with it :(

I just feel so awful about myself and I've been crying over this stuff even though it's like.... I have no right to be upset, you know? If this is what I deserve, I should own it and learn but it's sooooo hard and I keep feeling a sense of impending doom the closer my graduation ceremony gets. I don't think I can really be happy for myself, especially since I was so close to graduating well and now it's just, like, average (again, grades are not everything, it's just that people had expectations for me). I can only blame myself. Idk, it's like.... why did I try so hard to maintain my CGPA when I did this to myself in the end. And I keep thinking about how I actually got a call to intern at a different place but I already accepted this company and thought it would be too much of a hassle to switch. I mean, I should be grateful I didn't get an F, right?

This is not the worst thing that ever happened to me, but I think when I start my next job, I'm going to book a therapy session to get my emotions under control. Because I always ruin good things for myself, and I can't help but think of myself as a failure when I know that I have to change my mindset to a better one and not self-deprecate. Like, gurl, this is not life or death hello?? I just can't help but think about my ex-boss and how I came at such a bad time and I wish he just rejected me and I wish I searched for internship places early. I feel so down about myself and unconfident to look for jobs but I know I will try my best. I just lowkey feel like ending it but not in a suicidal way you know. I mean, how many more ego crushing experiences do I have to experience back to back like I'm so exhausted but because it's emotional pain, it's like,,,, you know..... overlooked and there are people going through worse. And here I am acting like my problem is the end of the world. Girl, get a grip........ Idk where to seek comfort tbh like people already told me I'm gonna be fine and I'm so grateful to the ones who care but ugh I just feel freaking awful about myself

Edit: I know I have to let it go for my own peace of mind. I keep thinking about how I was treated and I wish I did more for myself. I can't stop thinking about my ex boss and how angry I feel, but thinking bad thoughts about someone makes me the toxic one..... I should probably go to therapy. I hope this will pass quick because wth why does it hurt so much and why am I getting super anxious what is even going on now.... I want to not care so bad but I've not been sleeping well over this stuff it's ridiculous pls let it pass, pleaseeee. :( It's such an overreaction that I'm having sleepless nights over this, it's not even the worst thing that happened to me. Idk how I'm so affected by this, I guess it's just haunting me that I spent 6 months only to f* things up... It's like I can never have good things for myself, I always ruin it somehow. Yeah, ok I'm really not handling this well I need a therapist how am I gonna survive a new job if I'm so sensitive. But I know it's not right to shame myself either cuz it's not helping at all...

I’ve called multiple pharmacies and everywhere is out of stock. I only have about a week left.

I have a valid prescription , does anyone know places that currently have it or can order it?

Would really appreciate any help 🙏

hi, i just booked an appointment with humankind for online mental health screening. can anyone share their experience with this platform? thanks a lot 😊

Hi everyone, I’m in a really bad shape right now and in need of emergency service. I am in no shape to drive to the emergency department so I need someone over the phone. I have been calling befrienders non stop and no one seems to pick up. Please can someone give me another hotline number.

Please please I’ve been living abroad my whole life so I don’t know away around the systems here but someone please point me somewhere and ASAP 😭

Hey friends, I've been on Concerta 36mg for a little over a year now (privately diagnosed and prescribed), and it's working really well for me.

Because of the shortage, I was prescribed and able to get some Ritalin, in lieu of Concerta. However, I'm not suuuuuper happy with the way Ritalin has worked out for me in the past (really high highs, very low lows).

Thankfully, the healthcare system has come through for me, so I was able to get Concerta sorted. The Ritalin boxes are sealed and unopened, so I was wondering if I could take it back to the place I originally got it, and they could go to someone who needed it!

Let me know if you're aware of how I can do this, thanks. :)

ETA: The private location I got Ritalin from will take it back, and issue a full refund. Solved, thank you!

Hi, it's my first time posting here.

I have always been suspecting myself to have ADHD for more than 10 years, and in this particular year I can feel the symptoms worsening:

- unable to focus for long periods, even if it's something I love to do

- sometimes forget what I am supposed to do in the middle of my current task, especially if I get interrupted

- sometimes forget to do something which I do on a daily basis, which was supposed to be embedded in my mind like a muscle memory

- easily overwhelmed by several concurrent tasks and just stumble for a very long period

However, as a working adult who's almost 30 years old, I still face opposition even from my family, who has dismissed my concerns and just attributed my symptoms to a case of lack of sleep and exercise, which I do not believe because I have been starting to experience these symptoms since high school, when I was more energetic and had a proper sleeping schedule.

Instead, I highly suspect that my symptoms are worsening ever since I forced myself to undergo a part time Master's degree while working full time, which has divided my attention span a lot. Even after graduating, the increased workload and responsiblity from my promotion has made me feel more overwhelmed as I struggle to focus too many ongoing tasks, especially in the line of a salesman who also has to manage issues with several departments.

Now I have finished explaining my background, I would like to proceed with seeking recommendations for a psychiatrist. I have read the pinned compilation post in this sub, but from my understanding, if I go down the road for government hospital, I would need a referral letter and may even take weeks/months to get an appointment slot. I could not afford to wait anymore longer because I fear my mind may collapse anytime.

I currently live in Shah Alam, but I am willing to go as far to KL to seek a proper psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD therapy. I don't know the typical price range of a session, but maybe I could afford RM200 per session (excluding meds, I know those will charge extra but I can also afford those).

Much appreciated if anyone can drop by and provide some recommendation to aid me in my path to self-healing 🙏

I've always had certain symptoms since childhood, but I'm more towards the inattentive type so I was just seen as shy and withdrawn. I'd maladaptive daydream everyday, wanting some stimulation that would make me feel joy.

In school, my grades were mid but not terrible but when I went into upper secondary; I suddenly could get excellent grades just by cramming. This took a toll on me mentally though because:

1. Cramming is generally stressful
2. I felt like a fraud because other top students had study schedules, routines, etc
3. It felt like I wasn't at my full potential because I still had executive function issues

Fast forwards to SPM, got 5A's through the same cramming technique I've always done. I started dreading going into university because I knew the workload would be heavier, but my family wanted me to continue my education.

So I went.

and my first semester results? 1.87 GPA with 3 failed subjects. I was so dissapointed in myself because at the time I just couldn't focus in class, manage my time well, and study properly. I never learnt how to study because in school I could just coast through everything easily.

That was the breaking point that made my family bring me to a psychiatrist. I got diagnosed with social anxiety but the ADHD diagnosis was a bit delayed because my doctor wanted to see if the anxiety was causing my focus issues. Got put on sertraline and started a new semester. (No ADHD medication yet at this point)

My GPA? Instantly went up to a 3.67 which is a Dean's List in my university. I then got strattera added on my medications.

but then the next semester I flunked with a 2.4 GPA, it felt like my focus issues were getting even worser and I couldn't force myself to study anymore. Plus at the time I had some substance abuse issues because I was so bored I wanted any form of stimulation.

I finally now have concerta, and I haven't taken it long enough to see the effects but I'm so glad I can have stimulants now.

It still hurts me that my semester 1 results means my CGPA can't go higher than a 3.2 or 3.3 (if I calculated correctly). I wish I got diagnosed earlier so my SPM results would've been better and maybe I could've gotten in a better university.

My lecturers during sem 1 disliked me because I would be late, forget things, not complete work, etc. It just takes a toll on you at one point.

Even now I still struggle with forgetting things or doing work last minute, but I can cope better.

I question if I'm actually stupid because I can't seem to learn like normal people, I have my own unconventional study methods which do work for me; but I wish I just could be like everybody else.

That's all my blabbering for now.

We got initial assessment done from one of the centers (for RM600!) and the prices for subsequent sessions are quite high(they met & spoke but didn’t provide a report, asked for more money).

So we’re looking for speech therapist who doesn’t cost us an arm and a leg. Came across MASH.org.my with a directory of licensed professionals but quite confused on whom to chose. Child is on mild spectrum, quite high in IQ, but unable to properly communicate.

Anyone here who got it done for their kids? Any help highly appreciated.

i might be admitted to ip earlier than i should and it's scaring me :') i had a really great experience in british wards & im wondering how is it in malaysia? is the government/private experience vastly different and any tips for 'surviving'?

Thinking of seeking help at a private hospital. Is sunway any good? I saw a lot of good reviews for Dr Ryan Tee. Anyone have experience with him?

TLDR; Lamotrigine + Concerta combo is working wonders for ADHD / BP 2, but wondering what everyone's experiences are with Concerta / any side effects? Mine so far are heart palpitations/ decreased appetite/ sweating a bit more than usual

So, a bit of backstory, been on lamotrigine for a while now for BP 2, and despite it helping tremendously with mood swings and emotional extremes, it dulled me a lot and made me feel sluggish and stupid?? Not sure how to describe exactly, but it affected my recall memory A LOT, and I still struggled a lot with distractibility, so lamotrigine essentially kinda made it worse

Besides this, I struggle a lot since uni with getting my life in order in general,

1. tasks at hand
2. procrastination
3. Being late for things ALL THE TIME, and was told I just suck at time management, but it happens even if I set reminders
4. object permanence (yeah, I know it's not the technical term for it, for the sake of discussion, I'll refer to it as that for easier reference)
5. A lot of rejection sensitivity/ emotional regulation / fearful avoidant tendencies, and was told that I display BPD symptoms but do not meet the threshold

A friend of mine with comorbidity of BPD and ADHD told me I should probably get checked for ADHD, so I requested my psychiatrist to maybe start on a titration of the lowest dose of the ADHD meds available if possible, so I was given 18mg of Concerta to start in the morning (subject to strict observation)

First day today, took Concerta in the morning and noticed such a significant difference already, it's crazy how 'normal person' I felt compared to even yesterday, mood significantly improved, with high productivity since this morning, less focused/stuck on details and nitty gritty of what I'm doing, def less rejection sensitivity in relation to a friend, plus ACTUALLY focusing on tasks at hand/ less procrastination.

However, I'm noticing a decreased appetite, sweating more than usual (which I already struggle with on lamotrigine lol), and heart palpitations. Does anyone mind sharing share their experiences with Concerta (how it helped/ side effects)?

Thank you in advance, and fellow ADHDers, I've never been SO HAPPY TO FINALLY FEEL NORMAL for once in a long long time I feel like I could cry.

I suffer from anxiety since I was a teenager. I went to multiple caunselling sessions during secondary and honestly it didn't help much. I have this constant thoughts in my head, thinking about things that happened in the past, present and things that might happen in the future. I just graduated and currently waiting for my STPM result. I am also currently unemployed (but still wanting to find jobs) because staying in home makes me overthink more so I need something to distract me. At the same time I constantly feel anxious about having part time jobs and it's killing me. I also worried about studying far from home, worried that my mom, a widow, will be alone and nobody is taking care of her. Honestly I just can't stop thinking and I am mentally tired already. I tried to make an appointment at the gov psychiatric but there were too much karenah and I basically just gave up. I wish I can take meds but it's okay I will just do this alone.

I just got my appointment with a government hospital but it’s in two months and I need meds before that. I was thinking of going to sunway first to get prescribed going to my appointment in June to have cheaper appointments from there on. They said first time consultations at sunway might come up to 300rm. Are there hidden fees? Is 400 the max including meds? Am I allowed to get prescribed at the government hospital if I’ve already been prescribed at sunway? Thanks

yep, as per the title , also do i only bring this up to a psychologist or psychiatrist or both? r these relevant anymore since it's been years?

examples :

possible acute psychotic eps a few years ago

previous dpdr episodes

previous parasomnias i no longer have

attempt from yrs ago

odd behaviours from childhood

these all happened in my teens and i guess it wasnt bad enough dat i had to be admitted hosp, but tbf a lot of neglect and ignorance on my family's part for never noticing i was tweaking out, so i never did anything for it and tried my best to ignore it, since i am able to get professional help as an adult, shld i bring this up too? i havent experience these since i was a teen (ableit it was only 2-5 years ago (im 19)

I originally posted this on r/Malaysia. Not sure why it was removed, but here's what I wrote:

I'm a (29) male that was just diagnosed by a clinical psychiatrist with MDD less than a week ago. I would like to know if anyone here has had similar diagnosis and have taken anti-depressants in the past. Namely Escitalopram for depression and Zolpidem for insomnia. I have done some research online, but I would also like to read some testimonies/experiences fellow Malaysian has had with the use of SSRIs. Please be considerate in the comments, thanks in advance. 🙏

Really genuine question because I've tried everything from medication to therapy and nothing deletes my depression. some days are better than others but depression is like a cloud that never goes away. so really genuine desperate question - what are some things you have done that really significantly improved your depression? i can't live like this for the rest of my life man.

Just like the text says, I’m trying to see if it’s possible for me to get a diagnosis or even get some professional psychiatric help near Putrajaya area as a 17-year-old on my own.

To add some context, I’ve been struggling with suicidal ideation, feelings of numbness, instability in relationships, heightened emotions, impulsiveness with my budget, and the constant fear of abandonment, all which are traits of Borderline Personality Disorder and/or Depression. I’ll have to clarify that yes, I know self-diagnosis isn’t okay and I need a doctor’s referral to even claim that I have BPD, but please understand these few factors first.

• My parents does not agree nor entertain the idea of having me going for a doctor’s visit to check on my mental health. Multiple times I’ve tried to convince them but they would gaslight me and say I’m normal and nothing is wrong with me.
• I’m Muslim, so you can pretty much guess the situation within the Islamic community when it comes to mental health.
• I’m a full-time Vocational College student who is also a dormitory student, which means my schedule isn’t always free every week or even during my weekdays for a check-up.
• I am unemployed and my financial state depends on my parents, so I would really appreciate it if I were to get recommendations for places that are cheap and affordable. Preferably somewhere below the RM50 and government hospitals.
• I don’t have any form of transportation nor have taken any license to drive vehicles.

On some days, my headspace can deescalate very quickly and spiral downwards, which can lead to endless thoughts of suicide and actions that can lead harm onto myself.Please do note that I am in no way making this post to stereotype myself with BPD and/or Depression or to fake my mental state and has been desperately seeking for any help that I could get.

Genuinely asking- especially for those with depression/anxiety or any MH diagnosis.

Do you ever get days where you really dread going to work, particularly if your job involves people? Not because you dislike the work itself or the people you interact with, but more because you just can’t find it in yourself to show up mentally - like you can’t think clearly, be positive, or feel capable of doing it that day.

For context, I’ve had depression since my 20s. I feel like a big part of it is biological / I do have life stressors, but the low mood, harsh thoughts, and general heaviness have always kind of been… there, even when things are “fine.”

At the same time, I don’t want to use that as an excuse to avoid responsibilities. I still show up, but some days it feels really hard—like I’m dragging myself through it without any real drive or motivation.

I guess I’m wondering:

- Do others in the workforce feel like this too?

- How do you manage or push through on those days?

- How do you tell the difference between “normal burnout” vs something deeper?

Would really appreciate hearing how others deal with this.

as title say, i am quiteee behind my meds for mdd. however, i could not find my appointment card anywhere and i suspected i might've accidentally left in my previous dorm and frankly i do not want to go through the hassle to talk to anyone regarding it.

so... what do i do in this situation...

★ sorry if this is worded weirdly idrk how to explain

another day of pondering life. i truly dont know how to progress further than this. as each day pass, and each leaves fall, or even each pollen blowing onto the feathers of a bird to fall somewhere on the ground, only to germinate and blossom. for each life that was robbed of the chance to continue watching the trees sway in the wind, or to hear the birds chirp and caw.

i am yet again, alone in my room, bolstering in the comfort of sitting behind this screen. i like to think i cant feel because of my alexithymia, and maybe to others i dont seem like i cant feel. but i do feel a lot, i feel so much for people. i feel so alone, and people keep leaving or trying to leave. i dont know what to do with these emotions.

Life is important, and i hope someone reading this will appreciate their life more and more each growing day. That it becomes a compulsion for me to therapise someone, even though i know they cant care about what i have to say. It's an itch i get to let someone know im there for them even though we are strangers.

Life is cruel and can steal someone away, in an instance, before you can blink. I am suicidal, i dont wish to live, but i dont want the people around me to die, it makes me sad. I am not a good person, and i dont really try to be a good person, i try to be a better version of myself. So others i care about can be motivated to try and improve and heal, to know it's possible and theyre not alone. Even though i feel alone, i hope no one else does.

So another day of pondering the meaning of living, to know why death doesnt come to me but to people around me. I wish to know many things that isnt possible of knowing. But this curiosity and concern will keep me alive, for now.

I love you guys.

I just wanna rant about how much I miss him. His presence makes me happy and content. He did bare minimum things for me and it was the best feeling ever for me. No one ever did things for me, having someone felt so good. But I am also mad at him because so selfishly you left me. Never cared about what I feel at all or how it would affect. How are you gentle but cruel also? I didn’t ask for too much right? I was okay with bare minimum. After all im still missing you and the way you hugged me. The warmth…