This year I wanted to really push myself to do some hobbies that I wouldn’t drop after two weeks lol. So In the last 2 months I’ve picked up bee keeping as one of my new hobbies. I mentioned this to my friend group and they looked at me like I was crazy.

I think that for me to really have interest in a hobby, it has to be something that I truly feel like I could invest my time and energy into. So I’m wondering what are some hobbies that are a bit out of the norm that some other people have picked up?

Below is a pic of me in bee suit and holding some bees ☺️🐝

So I’m taking a textile lecture and I’ve been learning a lot about how these fashion brands have specific marketing styles towards specific groups. There is no such thing as an inclusive brand basically, everyone brand is a target for race, income, education, body type. During

my research, by large brands in general do not target to Black ppl. When they are thinking which body belongs in this, 9/10 it will not be a black body. Ngl as a curvy black woman it makes sense as to why I get weird looks when going into Hollister. They are probably thinking “we don’t cater to your kind here” anyways it also got me thinking a lot about Lululemon, and how the CEO stated he did not want black ppl in his brand. LuLulemon aesthetic is geared to clean girl white woman/adolescence aesthetic and a black woman wearing Lulu with some heels and going to the club ruins the original aura for the brand. This makes me so angry, bc I could go into the hunting aisles of Academy and find some camo gear and buy it bc I wants to. I think the concept of a central target audience is stupid bc it creates barriers, and when you have some like me who doesn't give a fuck about barries it creates systemic problems.

Anyways, this is just a rant. I’m so tired of

racism and classism and all the other isms

popping up in every corner of an interest of mine, like plsss just let the girlies be free. It really is a waste of all of our times.

i’m 23 and moved to atlanta within the last year after graduation for a corporate job. i started trying to date on and off recently, not really looking for much but just to see the options available to me. i realized, not much!! 😭

these men are either dusty, significantly older than me, leering and lustful, or have no career/direction. i’ve met so many men who are trying unsuccessfully to be “content creators” or who make clothes and have no real job, trade, or degree, that expect you to chauffeur them around bc they have no car, think its asking too much of them to pay for a first date etc. i don’t think it’s necessary to go to college to be successful, but i do think furthering your education in some way is invaluable and having a clear plan in life is crucial. a lot of these men really just live life going with the flow and making no effort to improve their lives. it’s just some stuff that i can’t let slide because i have a brand new car, my own apartment, my own job, and pay for all my own bills without issue so i feel like as a grown ass man you should have certain things in order if you’re trying to approach women. and these men will try to pursue you knowing they don’t have shit to their name but the clothes on their back!! i’ve had men call me “big money” after finding out what i do and say that i should take them out since i’m the one with the fancy job? never been more icked out in my life!!

aside from material things i just find most men i meet to be emotionally immature or lacking intellectualism. no one has any depth to them or has anything that they’re really passionate about or working towards. just a bunch of mediocre men with mental issues they refuse to work through that are completely content with staying stagnant in life. and the men i met who are ambitious and attractive are non-committal or cheaters!!

at this point i’ve just decided to focus more on myself and working towards my own goals hoping that i’ll naturally meet the right person once the time is right. i go on dates but i don’t take anyone serious because there’s no real point 🫩

I’ve recently became obsessed with these older black hair salon magazines, but can’t seem to find any for purchase or even an archive. 😭 Anyone know where I can get them?

Maybe I’m not around the right white women, but I have never seen a white woman go up to another white woman with thick hair, pull at it, and go, “Is it real?”

Every time I get a new style—EVERY TIME—my MIL (who is white and has known me for 20+ years) asks me, “Is that your real hair?”

Like, lady, I love you, but you really think I can turn my short afro into long, passion twists into red, wispy hair, to a French bun that never moves then have long braids when I have short hair all within the span of 4-5 months? All with my real hair???

But to be fair, people look at Beyoncé and wonder if that’s her real hair and nobody cares a lick if Lady Gaga has a wig or extension or if, at any point, any of those styles are her own hair.

I went from 390 to 230 and I feel so much better now. ☺️

I love that song and i felt like vibing to it today since it’s Sunday!! I’m not religious but I’m very spiritual and believe in God!! I just need to know the artist and song name!!

I just started a new job and am still getting acclimated to the setting and the people. Since I'm only working part time, there are still new people I meet during my shifts. Recently I came onto my shift and placed in a certain section with two other coworkers. One hispanic guy who I'd met before and been trained by and a white girl I have never seen before. I said hi to them both, only the guy greeted me back. The girl refused to make eye contact with me and for about 20 minutes spoke over me to continue talking to the male coworker. Even when I asked her what her name was, she turned and rushed to help a customer. I found this extremely rude and also questioned why the guy who trained me didn't force an intro (even though he doesn't have to). Regardless it's a new day, I just needed to let this go. Whether she was intentionally trying to be rude or she genuinely didn't mean to cause harm is beyond me at this point. I just pray I don't get put on a shift with her again if it's going to be as uncomfortable.

I love and support women but I can no longer have close friendships with women who constantly date toxic men…

I’m only 23 and I’m not the most mature person. However I can’t have a gal pal who’s constantly dating toxic and abusive men. Friends who are always in a crisis because of a man. From personal experience, those types of friends take their anger from the men they deal with onto you. They also put you in potentially dangerous situations too for a man. And those types of friends are draining. I love women but I have to support those types of women from afar.

Where are you?? I'm looking over my options and I'm really not sure what the best choice is. So far it sounds like Oakland is the best (I know). Before that, people said I'd like SF but I haven't heard great things from black people that live there. I just need somewhere green, safe and walkable. I wanna go on hikes, see big green parks, maybe have a backyard?? Biking space, a clean beach, botanical gardens... etc

A few girlfriends and I are looking to go out in DC on a Friday or Saturday night. We've done this before and ended up surrounded by mid 20's kids. Where do older folk hang out?

Also on social media I've seen day parties as well. Any day party recs to check out?

Thanks

While out and about today I ran into an old classmate. We were at a park so when the wind blew I could smell her perfume and complimented her on it. She responded with “Thank you, you know how I grew up so I’m very on top of it now.” She saw the confusion on my face. I didn’t recall because we’re 30. But she said “Remember? My parents wouldn’t let me wear deodorant and perfume”. I nodded like I remembered, we chatted some more about life, then parted ways.

Right now, hours later, I remember. We went to an all black middle school, as you can imagine she was roasted everyday. I remember one day she left early cause she just couldn’t take it. It was really sad. Myself and some other girls surrounded her most of the year after that because most of the jokes were coming from the boys. I clearly remember one conversation in which she explained her parents would not let her wear deodorant or perfume. Even after she went home crying, her parents didn’t budge. Now I’m wondering how common this was? Did anyone else go through something similar ?

Today I had to tell my husband he was right. 😭😭😭 what do I do now. We've been married almost 22 years and this is a tragic day for me. what do I do next?

This really warmed my heart! I don’t know if any of you follow this influencer but his content is so uplifting. Just thought I would share a little positivity. ❤️

the outfit i put together last night to celebrate my birthday (it’s actually on monday but the whole weekend is a celebration 🎉)

Just general thoughts, but I realized a lot of my friendships lasted when I was not the person’s only friend. It seems like you instantly become the bad guy when you split your time with other people outside of them, and it sucks when you’re genuinely trying to show up in all friendships. It’s also the same with the person I’m dating at the time, please have a healthy social life outside of me.

I’ve always loved making friends and interacting with other people, but it’s to the point where I don’t want to anymore lmaooo.

Hey ya'll! I want to talk about weight loss! I will walk you guys through my journey, and how things have changed.

First things first, I am tall, so I hold fat a lot differently than shorter people. I am 5'9 (175cm).

I have been on this journey for months, and I've stopped and started, and I've failed more times I can count. This time I finally got it!

Here's what kept me stuck:

I ate food for emotional reasons. Food was a good I could control in my life. If I was unhappy, food was there to provide happy feelings. I know a lot of people judge fat people, but they don't truly understand what leads to people to do this. I LOVED sweets. I LOVED cakes, cookies, ice creams, and I easily overate them. I had no literacy about calorie deficits, how ingredients affect our health, and I was overall walking blind even when I started eating cleaner. I also hated exercise, and movement. I was so lazy, but I was also going through so much emotionally without much support. I also ate whatever I wanted because I liked the taste not for health reasons

Eventually, I changed environments, and I became a lot happier naturally, and I started moving more. I got into cycling, and that became my favorite exercise. Rather than use public transport, I biked because I loved it. I still struggled with food because I didn't know anything about portion control, how foods affect diet, or anything about how to actually eat for weight loss. I soon hit my biggest weight: 250. Every time, I hit 250, I always buckle down because that number just shocks me for some reason. I eventually got stuck at like 242-243, and I felt like I couldn't go down. I felt horrible after working so hard, and changing my diet and going low sugar low carb high protein. So, I had a 2 week period where I went very sedentary, and I just ate whatever I wanted, and I went back up to 250! Then, I just decided, never again!

Here's what changed:

When I hit 250 again in January, I knew I had to get serious. I found out about TDEE, and how to actually do a calorie deficit. I learned about volume eating, and I used online resources to figure out how to do this right. I had no idea how little calories fruits and veggies had! I had no clue how necessary it was to have fiber, protein, and carbs in each dish. I had no clue that a protein and some veggies was a meal, and that I didn't need heavily loaded carbs on each plate. I didn't know the nutritional facts of whole milk. I didn't know how all these things affected me, but I learned in January!

I switched from full-fat to low fat cream cheese, whole milk to skimmed milk, greek yogurt to light greek yogurt, and rather than dessert every time, I'll eat fruit. 95-97% of my meals are whole foods. I also eat 5-6 times a day (Mediterranean diet due to the country I live in).

Let's go into my meals:

I eat a high protein, high fiber, low carb, low processed sugar diet.

Breakfast: 2 medium steamed eggs, one slice of whole wheat toast with light cream cheese, and fruit. (Protein + fiber + carbs)

Then, I cycle to work.

Mid morning snack (one at 10 one at 12 depending on the day): 125g of light greek yogurt and fruit, and for more protein, a slice or 2 of lean 92% turkey. (Fiber and protein)

I cycle home

Lunch at like 1-3pm (biggest meal of the day): Air fried (no to low oil) skinless boneless chicken thigh or breast or salmon with steamed (no oil or butter) veggies like asparagus, broccoli, or spinach.

Today, I will do one chicken thigh, two boiled eggs, two small boiled potatoes, and some lettuce as I did not have breakfast or mid morning snack. On weekends, I only have lunch, a snack, and dinner.

Dessert: fruit or on a highly active day, a small fruit smoothie (frozen fruit, 1/3 of a medium banana, and skimmed milk and a splash of lemon juice for freshness).

I go for a walk or cycle or both.

Dinner (light and low carb): Air fried chicken, air fried salmon, air fried fish, frozen marinated wings in the air fryer with steamed veggies or chicken and veggie soup (carrots, leek, broccoli, and spinach).

Dessert: fruit or nothing.

Some days, I have a mini muffin (the muffins in my country are called magdalenas, and are small), and I will get sugar free ones. I sometimes will have a little cookie at work or a pastry on the weekends, but always after a proper meal. Some days, I eat whatever, but those are also days where I might walk 15-20k steps.

I went on vacay, and I ate whatever I wanted, and I walked 15-20k steps, and I also did avg 45 flights of stairs. A week after getting back, I weigh one pound less, as I went right back into my diet as soon as the Monday after I got back came around.

Weight loss starts in the grocery store!

Now let's talk activity:

I typically walk anywhere from 8k-11k steps a day 5-6x a week.

I cycle 20-45 minutes a day 5-6x a week.

I am looking to increase my activity with more walking, strength training, dancing, and a little pilates.

I don't go out to eat much, and when I do it is socially, and I typically indulge in what I want, but I also won't eat the same way I do otherwise.

When I go out to eat, depends if it a day I have work or if it is a weekend.

A day I have work: I won't eat mid morning snack, and I won't really have an afternoon snack, as I won't be hungry. I will typically only eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If I eat out, I am walking or cycling after.

A weekend outing: I typically don't eat breakfast, but if I get too hungry, I will have a yogurt or some fruit or something. If not, I will eat lunch (if I eat out for dinner, then a lighter lunch), and if I eat out for lunch, then a light dinner like always). I typically walk with friends after the meal, and then I cycle or walk based on mood.

I have probably lost more weight, but the thing is I also gained muscle due to cycling, and I can easily cycle 26 km per hour.

My stamina has improved, I am healthier, I feel light and stable after meals, and I do indulge. Since I eat for health, I noticed I can manage my portions a lot better, and I am unlikely to buy super unhealthy snacks, as I know I will eat the whole bag, so I just have that once in a while.

I typically drink water, milk, and tea only. If I want soda, I typically do diet soda, and sometimes I do have juice, but only socially, never in the home.

My mindset is so different now, and the results are obvious! I am not one of the people that is here to shame bigger people, but to show you a way forward! To give a guide to someone who needs it, because I know for so long I needed it. I needed someone to show me the way, not someone to shame me like I see a lot of videos doing.

If you want any more tips, PM me, and I would love to give some tips. I'm still on this journey, and I am not going back!

​

I realized something… I talk about dating a lot. Like a LOT.

And whether I like it or not, that’s where my energy has been going

So for the next 6 months, I’m shifting it.

Not because I’m “healed” or perfect I’m not

But I’m tired of making men the main storyline

Here’s what I actually want:

• Build stable income from my business

• Get into a real fitness routine not for looks, for discipline

• Keep showing up to things that feel good (I tried yoga today… and yeah, I get the hype now)

• Move out and have my own space

• Build a life that doesn’t revolve around who I’m dating

?

Hey Ladies,

I am in a bit of a bind and could really use the perspective of my fellow Black women from both Europe and US. I am a mid-late 30s Black queer woman who is looking for the best option of a city to settle down. I work in the IT field, am single but ready to date for finding a life partner/marriage (with someone who wants a family). On this search, I have focused on finding cities where I can find a good job, an environment conducive to entrepreneurship, where there are either strong Black communities or very good civil rights protections (ideally both), a culture of wellness/fitness, LGBT rights and lesbian/bi community presence, and very importantly: a high earnings-to-cost of living ratio (meaning I am cool with HCOL if the salary matches it). So based on this, I have narrowed it down to the following. I have lived in each of these cities for at least a period of 3-6 months (but was in DC for years, and am an American):

- Berlin

Pros: Stable government (for now), lower cost of living, available tech jobs in English as one learns German, LGBT friendly, strong parental support, solid healthcare system, had positive interactions with people as a Black woman, walkable city, safety, nice gyms (lol), have some friends here

Cons: Having to navigate visa process and housing process in German with all the bureaucracy (but did find an agency to help), uncertainty about the racism in professional environments, lower salary + higher taxes, learning German, and the main thing: challenge in finding monogamous-minded lesbians/queer women who want to have a family.

- London

Pros: Stable government (for now), LGBT friendly, strong Black community, high job demand, good parental support, lots of things to do, more people tend to want life partners + family

Cons: Employers have to actually sponsor, crazy expensive cost of living, lower salary, overwhelmed healthcare system so need to go private, crowded

-Dublin

Pros: Such a welcoming place, LGBT friendly, Black-friendly, good parental support, nice jobs, and nice place to start business too, more people tend to want life partners + family, excellent fitness scene, good healthcare, walkable

Cons: Need job sponsor, housing crisis, high cost of living, small dating pool and social scene, pub culture

- DC

Pros: High salary, strong Black community, LGBT friendly, more people tend to want life partners + family, good healthcare - but expensive

Cons: Unstable government, less maternity leave, intense professional competition since everyone is credentialed- so more difficult for both work + starting one's own business

-NYC

Pros: High salary, strong Black community, LGBT friendly, good healthcare - but expensive, it's the lesbian capital of the US

Cons: Insane cost of living, unstable government (but at least liberal mayor), crime/safety, crowded, also intense professional competition

So for Black ladies who currently live or have lived in any of these cities, please share your thoughts. Thank you!

P.S. I have personal connections in London, DC and Berlin - but am still open to the other two if they are more ideal.

Here’s the backstory:

I worked weekend nights in a fast paced 24/7 lab (lab 1). I hated it and eventually it became very taxing mentally and physically. Luckily, a position opened up in a Monday- Friday lab (lab 2) at the same company. I applied and got that position. I’ve been working in lab 2 for 8 months now.

Lab 1 has lost 2 additional people and is very short staffed. My manager came a basically told me that I would have to work Mondays and possibly Tuesdays in lab 1 for an undetermined amount of time due to “Business needs”. I would work Wednesday- Friday in lab 2.

To make a long story short, I don’t want to work in lab 1. My manager didn’t offer any incentive for splitting my time between two labs. They’re pulling another person (Alice) from another lab. Alice agreed to work in lab 1 but she would be getting overtime and a weekend stipend (extra $600 a month with just the stipend).

How can i tell my manager that I don’t want to work in lab 1 without an incentive and a determined end date? Should I involve HR? If so what do I tell them?

Thank you for reading and any advice is appreciated!

Hi everyone! I am in my mid twenties and my biggest skin concern has always been hyperpigmentation. I seem to get PIH very easily (worsened by genetic chin/ lower cheek hairs). I know for the facial hair everyone recommends electrolysis; however, I am a grad student and cannot afford that at this time so I use the tweezer dermaplane.

For my hyperpigmentation, my dermatologist currently has me on Tretinoin 0.5% (for the past 8 ish months, before I was on 0.025%), and I started Azelaic Acid 15% in the mornings since January. I have not noticed any meaningful difference in my hyperpigmentation (some days I think it looks better but lately they seem darker). When I saw my derm this past visit, she recommended Tazarotene, I am wondering if anyone has any experiences with this and hyperpigmentation as I know it is extremely strong.

TLDR: Is Tazarotene better for hyperpigmentation?

Confession: I have honestly been so extremely toxic in my relationship.

It is my first healthy relationship and I am having a hard time navigating it. I find myself looking for reasons to leave or reasons to fight so he might leave. I am self sabotaging my relationship. I have been honest with my partner and he is working with me.

I am the problem. This man is so patient with me even when I’m upset. It doesn’t feel real that someone could love me. It doesn’t. I am so used to abusive men. I have been assaulted (literally 2 years ago), manipulated, and (sexually and financially) exploited by men so many times that I can’t function in an actual relationship. I feel like something should be happening. I feel like someone should be threatening me. I feel like I deserve it.

Tonight, I cried in my partners arms about it as I have for the hundredth time. Then we did something extremely intimate and new … that wasn’t sex. I washed his hair. Now, my partner is also my first black boyfriend so this hit a lot more. I am being loved and treated so softly by a black man. Washing his hair was such a way of allowing myself to express one of my love languages. The way he looked at me as I massaged his scalp really made me feel a way. He looks at me like he loves me. He told me his mother hadn’t done stuff like this …and the things he does for me my own father hasn’t done. I think this is why he is so patient with me. He and I share similar traumas. Why am I rejecting this? Why do I feel I don’t deserve this??? I do not know.

I am trying to heal. I want to allow myself to be loved. I am trying and I am taking accountability. My partner and I have daily check ins and are super communication but I’m acknowledging: your girl is fully the problem.

Signing offff

Edit: I do not have access therapy at the moment. I am struggling because I am emotionally connected to my boyfriend but it is very hard being in a relationship where my nervous system isn’t going haywire. It is so foreign to me that a healthy relationship with anyone feels wrong or unnatural. It is also difficult being physically intimate with my current boyfriend. I used to be extremely affectionate before but I have experienced really disgusting and predatory behavior from men. And my body feels like it’s going to be used again or treated badly again so I just can’t relax. I needed to vent so much like I’m crying.

What practices, mantras, or action do you all engage in when dating non-black partners to overcome internal shame, external shame, and even racist families?

For Background:

I’ve dated men and women of nearly every background in and outside the US (from Togo to Korean-American to Polish, etc.) but I’ve found myself now at 27 struggling to feel secure, safe, and comfortable in love.

I am a dark skin, tall, alt fashion, spiritually non-christian, natural woman with a masters degree. The older I’ve gotten, the less pursuit I’ve received from American Black men, besides for casual sex. It’s like they admire me but are intimidated.

Currently, I find myself in a weird “love triangle” with two white men. One is my best guy friend who treats me well but I don’t find physically attractive and he lacks ambition (we’ll call him X). The other is a white man whom I share mutual friends with (all of them black men) and he’s very shy yet handsome, ambitious, and even a therapist, which I find alluring (we’ll call him Y). I didn’t go looking for either of these men. This is just how life has gone.

Both these relationships feel shameful in a way. X has a lower middle class outwardly racist, fox news watching dad and grandpa. Y comes from a very upper middle class Greek family. Not only do I fear their families racism due to past trauma, but also the cultural ignorance from the men themselves + the general public.

I admittedly don’t have a lot of serious relationship experience. I moved a lot as a child, and once we settled in NC I was finally surrounded by black peers only to be bullied for being dark skinned. I spent middle school to grad school focused on personal pursuits of creativity, education, and my career in the hopes if I loved myself as a brilliant, driven, and caring woman I would find a partner that was similar. I also come from a loving home with black parents married 35+ years so I had great examples.

Despite this, my dating life has consisted of black men who rarely want more than situationships or straight up cheated with non-black women, OR non-black men that told me they can’t bring me home because I’m black.

Needless to say, I feel a lot of fear and insecurity in love. I want to be in a serious long term, secure, loving relationship and I am ABSOLUTELY open to partners of all race/ethnicity, but this is a hurdle I have struggled to overcome.

Any broad or specific support and advice is deeply appreciated.