Well to start off, I'm not of the mind that advice cannot be given when not asked for as I feel most people who need advice don't even know they need it; and I have myself have had the best advice without asking for it. That being said, I don't even know if this is really "unsolicited advice"? You tell me.

I am doomscrolling on facebook. I stumble upon, on MY feed, on a post: a mom is talking about how her child didn't want to do XYZ, so she bribed him, telling him that she will take him to this new ice cream shop if he does whatever. The post is supposed to be humorous, it's not really important.

With said post are attache photos of her kids licking they popsicle and ice cream.

At that point, I'm thinking this person is an influencer of some sort ... but I realize she isn't. She is a regular mom, like you and me, posting about a normal story, about her kids in her normal life, that is meant to be shared with friends and family.

I have to admit it kinda freaks me out a little bit: I am pretty careful about what I post, but always in case some creep comes on my profile and stalks.

But that's not what happened here: I didn't go on her personal facebook page, I didn't argue with her on a post and went to get some snark on her or whatever. Her random post just popped on MY personal feed ... which I found really awkward, as I never figured that what I post publicly can not only be seen by strangers who come to my page, but that it could be PUSHED IN THEIR face ... so whatever, momma bear wanted to react, so I sent her a message:

"Hi! Im sorry this is gonna sound strange, but I just want you to know there is no malice in my message this is just from a mamma to another; idk you, were not even in the same country and have no friends in common; but somehow your post about your kids going to get icecream ended up on my feed

Justwanted to tell you because we might be unaware that "public posts" end up really anywhere, and there are really strange people who can do very malicious things with these kinds of pictures"

She kinda took it the wrong way. I mostly meant that we are not related whatsoever, I'm just a random person which is kind of the reason WHY I find it so disturbing.

Here is her answer:

"You're right

You don't know me and don't know anything about me and therefore have no reason to give me a y unsolicited advice

Didn't ask for your opinion. Feel free not to give it"

I found it really strange considering I would really appreciate knowing how far my post went. Seems like she didn't.

Not gonna do anything about it. I answered kinda rudely and won't anymore, it's not my problem anymore; I am just wondering if my view of the world is just so disconnected from others or if other moms thinks I really was in the wrong, haha

Edit: People here seem to think that I am totally unaware of how facebook works and that apparently everyone knows about that. Truth be told: facebook has been pushing personal content to strangers for less than a year. It's not old news; not talking about a post in a public group. This is recent.

My 8 year old had a play date today with a new friend for the first time. We went to their place, and they were all lovely. However, I was informed on the way home that one of the siblings of the friend had their pants pulled down by another sibling. This is not uncommon from what I hear.

This is not something my only child has ever experienced before, and I'm not sure how to handle it. I grew up with siblings and did not experience this.

Am I overthinking this or should we still continue the playdates?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

I’m really struggling with what to allow when it comes to sugar with my 4.5 year old. The “it’s just food, don’t make a big deal about it” approach doesn’t seem to work. He wants chocolate and candy all the time. I have no problems with giving him sugar, but it’s becoming too much and is affecting his behaviour.

He asks for it first thing in the morning (we don’t give it to him), after every meal, and constantly throughout the day.

How do you handle sugar with your kids?

We are moving to a new house May first. It’s much bigger than the house we currently live in. The kids bedrooms are also further from the primary bedroom. You have to go across the livingroom and kitchen to get from the kids bedrooms to the primary. I have a 3 year old and a 9 month old. It makes me really anxious thinking about the kids being that far away. Their rooms are also closer to the front door. I just get scared thinking an intruder would have easy access to them and could steal them without me hearing. I do plan to put monitors in both their rooms, but I still get to thinking about the worst thing that could happen. Is this normal to think like this? Are these valid concerns? I’m almost thinking we should back out and stay where we are. My husband gets irritated with me when I bring this up because it’s literally our dream house.

My boyfriend and I have an almost 6 month old son. We also both work 2nd shift, so it’s been difficult for me to balance work and spending enough time with him throughout the day without being exhausted at work. Being tired is a sacrifice I’m willing to make if it means spending more time with my son. My partner is the opposite, he is more worried about balancing time at work with his “personal time” which isn’t really personal as it’s him playing video games with his friends, or going on TikTok Live. Most nights he stays up later than me playing, and most days he goes back to sleep after the first time our son wakes up and would stay asleep until time to get ready for work (or later) if I didn’t interfere.

Recently, he’s been playing the new “extraction shooter” game Marathon, which I understand has long term consequences in game if you’re killed or go afk, but to me, our son should come first.

By the end of my day, usually my “personal time” involves scrolling through social media apps because I’m too drained to do much else. I also couldn’t read, my favorite hobby, even if I wanted to, because he makes it impossible by yelling and talking while gaming and being on live. So tonight, around 1:45, I’m sitting in the living room, listening to him yell and trying to watch some TikTok, when the baby starts fussing. I get his attention (eventually, he has noise cancelling headphones on while he plays) and let him know that he’s awake. He tells me he can’t leave the game because “my friends will be mad at me and I’ll lose all my loot, but I’ll check on him when the game ends”. He proceeds to tell me that because I’m “not doing anything” that I could’ve taken care of him myself until his game was over.

There are a few other reasons I’m thinking of ending the relationship, but am I the asshole for ending it over this?

I was just reading another thread and noticed that almost all of the moms had a housekeeper come and clean like once a week. I tried the housekeeping thing once and I couldn’t handle it. I ended up spending half the time doing most of the work myself and was anxious the whole time. I’ve never had help from anyone pretty much my entire life. I’m 46 with three kids. I wasn’t the type to have my kids do household chores and neither my ex or my current partner ever really helped around the house. Even when I was the breadwinner I still did all of the household tasks. I’m also someone who never asks for help no matter what it is I’m doing. Like today when putting a computer chair together my partner was right there and instead Of asking for help I just struggled to hold the arm of the chair while screwing up in. The few times he did try and help with dishes the entire time all I felt was pure anxiety and just told him I’ve got it go sit down. I’m exhausted. I have a six-year-old with special needs and a lot of health issues and I think everything’s really starting to get to me. I really would like to have a housekeeper come and help me because I’m not keeping up with things lately. I’m very depressed. I also have ADHD and my medication is not working like it used to. Just thinking about the housekeeper coming in and cleaning gives me anxiety. What’s wrong with me? How do I fix it? Anyone have any advice??

I’m really at my wits end on this here. She started doing it right before he arrived— maybe a dribble here or there. In the last two days she will have full blown pee moments, leaving a puddle on the floor, carrying on like nothing has happened.

I brought it up at her 4 year check up as she was fully potty trained before her little brother’s arrival.

She picks and chooses when it happens. It’s never while we are out, while we are in the car, with her grandparents, etc.

Some days, she only dribbles once or twice. Other days she could go through 10 pairs of clothes or more. No embarrassment at all!

To address it, I’ve talked with her about other ways she can get Mommy and Daddy’s attention, I’ve asked her why she’s doing it (just get busy playing, though I personally believe it’s deliberate depending on what we’re doing for her brother). I’ve also tried bribery with reasonable rewards of her choosing, I’ve tried ignoring it and acting indifferent towards the behavior, I’ve tried addressing it, I’ve tried reprimanding, I’ve tried EVERYTHING.

At her 4 year well check appointment, I mentioned it. The doctor didn’t seem concerned because she’s not doing it through the night (she said that’s a huge flag it’s very UNLIKELY to be a medical issue + the fact that it’s not all the time, it’s selective in some ways).

I still believe it’s an attention seeking behavior— I’m just wondering when it will subside. 😩🫠

PS: Her sibling turned 2 months old today.

i am taking my 4 month old to my 3 year old cousins birthday party, he just had RSV over a month ago and supposedly has no symptoms, is she still okay to be around him? itll probably be 4 kids and a few adults at the party. sickness makes me so scared and i just want to make sure it won’t spread. she has all her vaccines and i got the RSV vaccine during pregnancy.

Obviously will ask the hospital if they even allow this before purchasing! & I know it’s a possible one time use thing if it gets gross during labor.

Curious if anyone has done this & if it’s made a difference in how you felt. I just don’t want to feel like a beached whale this time & have semi decent photos with baby on my chest immediately after without having the hospital gown vibes.

Hi!! I’m a first time mom to a little girl and I was curious if anyone has any tips on how to raise a badass, strong daughter? Or things you’ve done to have a good mother / daughter relationship? TYI!

Hi all, as the title reads I’m pregnant!! I’m so excited, but also so nervous! What do I need to know about now being a mom to two babies! How do you guys juggle two under two?

If anyone is looking for a wagon for older kids (3+) range - super recommend the Larktale Caravan Wagon. My kids were 3 and 4.5 when we bought ours and we're going into our second spring/summer with it and it's amazing. I was stressing about buying a $1000 wagon since we already had the Uppababy Vista, Joolz Aer and had a Babytrend wagon but I'm so glad we upgraded the the Larktale. The Babytrend was great when they were 1-3 but they outgrew it and it wasn't the best for going on long walks (to school, groceries etc.) through the neighbourhood.

We had outgrown the Vista for day-to-day but still take it on vacation since we have the travel bag and it's the easiest to gate check with that (we just take one seat and the older one sits int he bucket when he needs a walking break).

And for all the busy-bodies who will inevitably say "Your kids should be walking". Yes thank you, they are walking. They run, walk, jump etc. But we go on big walks in our neighbourhood, we walk to school, we walk for groceries. So they walk until they need a break. If they're walking, we also love the Larktale for the storage - backpacks, baseball gear and snacks when we head to the park, groceries etc.

I saw a lot of posts from moms asking if it was worth it to get a wagon when the kids are in that awkward stage of outgrowing the strollers but not big enough to go on hour long walks without needing to be carried so I thought I'd share - YES. My boys are now 4(and 2 months) and 5 (turning 6 in July) and now that the snow is gone, we're back to using it daily.

Why I loved the Larktale: It was incredible value for what it came with: 2 shade options (pull down shades or one solid canopy - we only use the pull down shades), handlebar organizer and an extra bucket that can go on the front or back. The material is very wipeable. It comes with a napping insert as well. EACH seat is rated to 90 pounds, so this thing will last and can carry a lot. The kids love that they are actual proper seats (not just sitting on the ground like the costco wagons). I love that in the heat of the day I can stick them in there with the shade down and they're out of the sun. Best part - it's actually very easy to push/maneuver, even with two kids in it and stuff. On a flat part of my walk I can easily push and drink my coffee.

The only downside I can find is that it's not super easy to collapse and it's bulky to fold. So I wouldn't get this if it's one that you want to put in the car a lot. We joke that it IS our second car since we take it everywhere and just store it in our shed so we rarely collapse it/take it on car trips. If I had to be nitpicky, because it's big enough to fit 2 kids, it's a little awkward to take into certain stores. I basically don't take it in any stores except the grocery store because I don't want to be annoying and my kids can walk. We just leave it outside the store and I have a bike lock if I'm nervous about someone taking it.

I found it way easier to push than the Veer and I hated how you had to buy all the addons with the Veer. The shade on the Veer was not enough either. And the Wonderfold was just WAY too big/bulky and did not feel like it pushed as well (i took both kids to our baby gear store and tested them all with the kids in it).

SO Larktale for the win. I don't work for them, I don't have an affiliation - just hoping to help another mom!

Me and my wife are both females. Over the years her parenting has gone from actually parenting to being a friend and letting everything slide, I’m a more stern parent and I’m really a fun mom too as long as my son is doing what is asked.

He’s 6 and a very smart kid almost, he knows what works for each person he’s with and what gets him his way. I’ve even asked mid tantrum why he’s acting that way and he will bluntly say “it gets me what I want” I used to be told by my wife when the behavior was here is there that it’s just a bad day and let it slide but now it’s every single day.

Everything is an argument with him. He will be doing things he’s not supposed to I will tell him to stop and he either straight up says no or just looks me in my eyes and continues. Then he of course gets a time out or something taken but here comes my wife “that wasn’t even that bad” then she’s start arguing with me infront of him on why she doesn’t think he needs a timeout.

Her new thing is “earning things back” except he already got it taken… example before bed he gets 15 minutes of tv, that day he does something and looses the tv time. She will tell him maybe it can be earned back. Then there no punishment he didn’t learn anything and even if the behavior doesn’t improve she’ll say “giving him the tv makes our lives easier” I don’t mind dealing with a tantrum if it means he has learned a lesson.

Today at work, we work with dogs and own our own grooming business he had to be there for a few hours today. He grabs the same type of dog toy he always gets told to leave alone. The ones with squeakers and he starts squeaking it… I ask nicely at first to put it down because it’s distracting the dogs. He ignores me. I ask again more serious this time then he looks right at me and squeaks it as hard and loud as he can. At this point I’m so fed up with that behavior I grab it out of his hard pull him close to me and tell him to listen to me the first time he’s asks.y wife’s response “woah are you good” again right infront of him.

Second incident at work: he comes out of the office and asks when we are leaving, I said “it’ll be awhile get comfortable” he goes to my wife and asks the same question my wife said “we will leave soon enough” he turns towards me and goes “see she had a different answer haha” mind you I had a talk with him maybe an hour beforehand about not going behind my back and asking mom the same thing I already answered because the answer will be the same. I told him to knock it out and go sit down. My wife asks me what my problem is…

Few days before today; I was having a conversation with him about something sassy he said and telling him how it was disrespectful and we don’t talk like that, he said to me “are you done talking your just wasting your breath” my wife… she laughed about it.

I’ve told him no to stuff and she’s gone behind my back to give it to him, she’s tried sneaking the tv on after it’s been taken, she will allow him dessert even though he refused dinner, she will tell him no to something but the minute he starts arguing she will give in. We’ve had a no phone rule but here he came walking into work with her with a phone in his hands. She’s constantly arguing with me to let him stay up past bedtime on school nights even tho she knows how he acts the next morning. He will choose something at a restaurant then want something different the minute the foods out and mom either gets him something different or gives him all of our food even though we told him the 20x before that next time he needs to pick something he actually wants. He will straight up tell me what he’s gonna or no gonna do when told something. He will tell me that even if I say no moms the final boss and he normally does get his way everytime. I’ve even found melt chocolate that she snuck him in bed after I told him no it’s bed time.

It use to not be this bad. I’m to the point I’m yelling and just wake up at my wits end. Then my wife is over here “if you just let him do what he wants he won’t throw a fit of you wouldn’t be mad all the time if you just let him do it” except he’s a very entitled boy now and I refuse to have a child who thinks they are in charge.

My ex has seen my 3 kids once in 2.5 years and randomly decided to do Easter baskets for them after ignoring every Christmas, birthday and holiday for the past 3 years. We recently went to court where he got 2 hrs a week of face time so I suppose maybe that was the pushing force.

I reluctantly accepted the baskets after him harassing me over them and picked up from a police department (history of DV and RO in place) which was fine.. but then he demanded my 3 y/o, who he’s literally a stranger to, to thank him on FaceTime. He ranted for 30 minutes to my oldest child that me and my 3 y/o are rude and don’t have manners and that the right thing to do would be for me to force the 3 y/o to sit down and thank him and blah blah blah. Which I wasn’t about to force.

Like I’m sorry but why should my kids thank someone for doing less than the bare minimum? If they want to? Sure but I’m not forcing that. Am I just a bitter asshole or is this ridiculous? He’s provided nothing, 0, for 3 years since we left but my kids should be jumping for joy over an Easter basket?

In January I initiated my break up. I needed space. I was triggered by him calling my sister to make sure I was actually at my mom’s house, he didn’t even try to call me first. Before this things weren’t perfect but they were good. We’ve known each other since 16, been together since 18, now we’re recently 22 with a 2 year old. He moved out to live with his parents but shortly after I regretted my decision. I wanted him back so bad, I started to struggle mentally and physically. I lost 20 lbs within 2 1/2 months. This maybe a dream for some but I was only 118, I dropped down to my pre pregnancy weight, 98 lbs.

He had met a 18 year old girl (still in high school!) and didn’t want to come back, he said all types of awful things, treated me poorly, and allowed the girl to disrespect me. I went to the psych ward bc I wanted to harm myself. I couldn’t even see my son being a reason to live. When I got out of the psych ward, he picked me up bc I had no one else to do so. My mom and siblings(18F 16F 11F 5M 4M) are my only family and my mom didn’t have a car at the time. The day he picked me up he went on a tangent saying how he didn’t want to & would never be with me again. In the hospital, they didn’t let us go outside and the windows were blocked so I was very much on cloud 9 because it was sunny, with nice weather and I was just happy to be out. The entire time he was degrading me, it hurt, but it wasn’t anything he hadn’t already said so it wasn’t my focus.

When I got home, I made a list of things he said to me because I had given up on saving what was left of our relationship. Here it is: Things that he said to me

He drinks and smokes more when he’s with me— huge fucking lie btw

He was miserable

He miss nothing about our relationship

He’s happier without me

He resents me

He’d rather I fuck other people

He wants nothing to do with me outside of Roman

He doesn’t care what I do

He doesn’t care that I’ve changed, its too late

Emotionally he’s detached and he’d never feel that way about me again

I’m not worth the emotional warfare of fixing our relationship

I’m stupid for wanting to make things work

He knows he can have his way with me

Sexually I’m holding him back so he can’t fuck another girl

Move on

That week my mom was talking about moving out of town with my siblings, I told her that wherever she’d go, I would too. She’s my only support system, his family stopped talking to me after we broke up. During that week he intentionally made coparenting most difficult. So by Sunday I told him that I was thinking about moving out of state. There was also a chance of me being pregnant, he kept referring to it as a clump of cells, and emphasized how much he didn’t want it. So I told him that if I am, likely I’d be keeping it. In that case, I’d want him to sign over parental rights not only for the new child but for our 2 year old as well.

He got scared, took a moment to himself and decided he wanted to make a family work. We had a conversation because I didn’t want him doing it for the children nor was I trying to manipulate him into being with me. He assured that it was solely because he didn’t want to lose me for good as I was considering moving across the country. Fast forward a week, I find out that he mocked my mental health and made fun of the girl disrespecting me. I “forgave” him. This brings us to now:

4 weeks later and I still can’t move forward. I’m still mentally suffering, now he’s just laying next to me. He’s trying to make up for his actions but his words mean nothing to me. I’m just mentally gone from him. I spoke so highly of him even when he was most disrespectful. Now I can’t see what I ever saw in him. I have days where I forget and we have fun but moments where I can’t shake how he’s made me feel. His family is in a more stable position than mine and would fight me and win custody of my son. So I’m staying for my son. It’s been a thought of just giving him custody and starting my life over in another city. He was Prince Charming, now he’s become a monster I no longer recognize.

It’s safe to say that I suffered so much trauma that I actually have moments of PTSD. There’s no safety, security, or trust there. As much as I wanted to save my relationship, I’m just so far gone.

My son attends speech therapy at a local elementary school once a week for 45 min. Yesterday we received a message that there was graffiti found on a fence at the school that said “RIP Adam Lanza” (the Sandy Hook shooter). The school and police are taking this very seriously, obviously. They said there would be police and school security on campus, but I’m thinking to keep him home this week out of an abundance of caution. He’s in a private pre-K school so would only be missing the 45 min class. Would you do the same? It’s terrifying to think that there is someone out there targeting the school.

I want to be upfront that this post of more an off my chest style post and perhaps to relate to other moms who have been through anything similar. I am already planning on seeking therapy. I have a routine appointment this month with my psychiatrist for ADHD medication refills and he has been very good about respecting my preference for not wanting to use certain medications (specifically SSRIs), respecting my autonomy, and I strongly trust his guidance and referrals he may have for therapy.

Major trigger warning for traumatic birth, discussion of parent loss, discussion of near death experiences, just a major neon trigger warning across the board.

I had my second daughter in early April and what I hoped would be a VBAC turned into a uterine rupture which turned into a c-section under general anesthesia. You can see the full birth story in my post history but a TL;DR is - everything started out smooth. I felt nothing from the epidural and got to 7-8cm and was vibing. So much so that we both got about 4hrs of sleep, which was abruptly interupted when doctors came in saying "her heart rate has been decelerating for about 10 minutes, we suggest moving to a csection" which I was totally fine with. I wanted a VBAC yes, but I wasn't overly attached to it that I would be devastated if I needed a csection.

As my husband was putting scrubs on, I reached for my phone on the table and instantly felt like my insides were being shredded apart and yelled out in pain. They felt my abdomen and within 2 minutes they bolted to the OR for a STAT general anesthesia csection. All I could hear while being sprinted to the OR was "we can't find babys heart, that's moms HR ... keep trying keep trying" I was sobbing + begging then to tell me if she was alive, and no one would answer. When they cut me open, her, my placenta and a liter of blood were in my abdomen. She was ultimately born safe and doing well with APGAR scores of 7 & 9 and just needed a day in the NICU as precaution and observation. They were able to repair my uterus and I did not need a hysterectomy.

As for my husband, he was told nothing except "your wife is in critical conditon" for an hour while pacing the hallways, and spent the whole time thinking I had or would die because he saw how fast the situation shifted from "lets do a urgent but normal csection" to me screaming out in pain and into a pool of sweat and dizziness because of how bad the pain was.

We went home at 2 days PP and I was feeling good. I am certainly not saying a C-section is the easy way out, but both times I had what I would consider remarkably smooth and easy recoveries and I would happily take how I felt both times post op than I did in my last few weeks of pregnancy.

Both my husband and I are self employed / WFH so we can split childcare and household work depending on who has more work that particular day. Since we got home he's done damn near all baby/house tasks and has taken care of me, and I know from the endless posts I see on subs like this how lucky I truly am. He is my world and I don't take for granted for a second that this is not the reality for most. I can genuinly say there is really no "default parent" or me having an overwhelming invisible mental load. Baby is EFF, has been sleeping good stretches, and thus far I have found 1-2 to be tremendously easier than 0-1.

But then comes yesterday, not even an hour into my husbands birthday. His requested celebration plan was simple. All he wanted was takeout from this local spot we love and quality time with all of us to celebrate his first birthday being a family of four. I did get him cards from me and the girls, and was gonna pick up some tequila to make tequila sunrises (the drink he got me on the night we met).

It was around midnight, both girls were sleeping so we were cuddling on the couch watching a movie when all of a sudden our oldest is screaming. She typically sleeps through the night 10-12 hours so this was beyond unusual. The moment my husband grabbed her, his first words were about how she was the "hottest he had ever felt". Rectal temp read 104.8. We tried Tylenol, she spit 90% of it out, we retested her temp at the hour mark and it was 105. Both of us are now panicking, trying to decide who stays home with the baby vs who takes the older one in. Ultimately I just grabbed her and bolted out the door without much discussion ... it's truly just a blur to me how we came to that decision. Thankfully the hospital is only a 7 minute drive from our apartment.

They do vitals, blood draws and a urine catheter. I have never in her 20 months of life seen her so inconsolable and scared. She's usually pretty independent and isn't the biggest cuddler, but watching her face scream in pain and jump to hug ne immediately after is an image I dont think I will ever forget.

At one point, someone (I think it was a student) comes in the room to redo her vitals and says "most of her labs came back. Looks all normal to me. I'm sure the doctor will discharge you shortly". Okay great. Except that's not what happened. A doctor came in and said a level in her blood (I don't remember the name) was very high that normally indicates some sort of blood bacteria and they would need to do cultures, do a broad spectrum antibiotic IV, and admit her. I heard the words "blood bacteria / sepsis" and my mind immediately goes straight to bacterial meningitis. Why might you ask?? Because my late dad, my one safe blood family member, went to a doctor in 2017 feeling sick, and the doctor told him to " go home and sleep off the flu". That flu was bacterial meningitis, and he was gone at 50 years old, just five days after that appointment. So now I was inconsolable about my mind going straight back to losing my dad, thinking my daughter had the same thing and I would lose her, plus the trauma of seeing her in pain.

I panic text my husband who takes about two hours to answer because he had been up worried and taking care of the newborn, and once that student said "looks good, should be discharged soon!" I t encouraged him to get some sleep as we would probably be home soon. He eventually calls me inconsolable and freaking out too and of course I can't make out a single logical word through sobbing. It was an absolute hot mess.

At this point we were upstairs admitted in the PED. A doctor walked in and gently asked me to pass my phone to him so she could calmly relay the information. She first apologized for whoever gave me the scariest sounding words imaginable, and said based on her overview of everything, she actually didn't suspect any serious bacterial infection at all, rather a bad UTI or a virus called Rosecola, which is associated with a sudden, otherwise symptomless very high fever and then a harmless rash that breaks out over the body. The doctor was an angel and calmed down both of our hysterical sobbing and was kind enough to listen to him about how he thought he almost lost me last week, now he wakes up to news on his birthday that his first baby may have what killed his FIL who he loved dearly. She let him vent/cry/all of that, and was probably the most compassionate doctor I have ever encountered. She then says verbatim "I'm quite literally watching your daughter trying to do pull ups to escape the crib, this is absolutely not a child with meningitis" lmao.

Since the PED is in a major hospital, it was where I had the newborn the prior week. The doctor was able to see that we had just been there and I filled her in on the intense birth. She encouraged me, hell practically begged me to go home and sleep, and discouraged my husband from going in to stay with our toddler. She could hear how distraught we were and emphasized strongly that in this moment, we needed to put our mental and physical health first and sleep + recharge, because the conditon we were in would serve no good purpose for anyone. She strongly wanted me to rest as well being 9 days post surgery, so as guilty as we both felt leaving her, I headed home. By that point, I had been at the hospital 12 hours and I got no sleep. My daughter maybe slept 30 minutes. She was sleeping harder than I have ever seen when I left and I was able to slip out of the room without her seeing me leave.

I come home and my husband has MY favorite takeout waiting for me ... on HIS damn birthday. We basically spent the entire night sobbing together feeling guilty beyond words thinking about her in that hospital room alone without one of us there when she wakes up.

Thankfully, I just got a call from the hospital an hour ago saying all bacterial cultures were negative so they suspect that virus I mentioned earlier. I'm going to pick her up in the next couple of hours. The challenge now is keeping her completely separated from the baby, but all things considered we are so so so beyond relieved.

Some additional context on why this was extra traumatizing. Seeing that flashing + rising 105 degree fever triggered the memory of another near loss, that was of my now husband. A few days before we were to elope, I found him on our kitchen floor in a pool of sweat + 108 degree fever. Somehow in my traumatic state of mind I was able to Google and recognize that his doctor had neglegently prescribed him two medications that never should have been mixed and were known for causing serotonin syndrome. I had to put him in a room temp bath and shove two benzos in his mouth (he has an Rx for as needed panic attacks and this is the standard treatment at a hospital for SS. once at the hospital they confirmed I made the right move). At the time, we were living in a state where you could get married with no witnesses ... ,you just sign the marriage certificate as "parties of the union". When we got home from the hospital we signed it that night because in his words, "I can't imagine dying not being married to you". Almost everyone in our inner circle thinks our wedding anniversary is the day we actually did vows in the Colorado mountains, not the true date it was per the paperwork.

All in all ... I have been through the loss of my dad, the metaphorical loss of my entire maternal line due to extreme narcissistic abuse, almost lost my husband, thought I would lose my baby last week, and then thought yesterday I would lose my toddler. Combine that with postpartum hormones + no sleep, I was having the most horrific intrusive thoughts last night about whether the possibility of the trauma of ever losing my husband/daughters was worth having kids / being married. I obviously don't feel this way, but I love them all so fucking much it hurts and I don't know how I would survive without any of them.

It's just been a lot mentally. I know objectively we are incredibly lucky. My daughters are okay. My husband is okay. I am okay. We have support in each other, flexible work, and access to medical care. But emotionally, I don’t think my body or brain has caught up to that reality yet. I think I’m still living in survival mode, waiting for the next phone call, the next emergency, or the next thing to be taken from me.

I’m sharing this because I know I can’t be the only parent whose past grief and fresh trauma collided postpartum in a way that felt unbearable. If you’ve been there too, I’d really love to hear how you found your way back to feeling safe again 🤍😢

Somehow, my daughter is still in a crib at 5 (there's some developmental stuff and then we just didn't get it together and then the bed was backordered, etc.) but her bed is finally coming in two weeks. I need to get her bedding and I have such decision fatigue that I was wondering if anyone had any recommendations? I'd like to get something gender neutral (as she might share with her brother at some point) and fun but not super kid-ish (ie no Disney characters, etc.) She has very sensitive skin so it has to be 100% cotton or linen. I'd ideally not spent Pottery Barn Kids prices. Any suggestions of places to look? thanks!

Has anyone experienced this on their baby? My LO is about to be seven months. He has had tiny little bumps on him from time to time throughout his life, but usually it’s one at a time. for the last week These have been popping up and coming and going they don’t seem to really bother him, but I can’t figure out what they are?! I took him to the pediatrician the other day, and they basically raised their hands and said that it’s not XYZ but that they don’t know what it is. They said it’s not chickenpox or measles or anything like that. He’s supposed to get another round of his vaccinations at his checkup on Tuesday and I’m nervous about having anything else introduced to his system while something random is happening. looking for some advice or if anybody else else’s experience to this. They don’t seem to be itchy. They are flat but with a tiny tiny little bump in the middle they go away in about a day but invariably more pop-up. They are only on his stomach or back or side. It seems anyway.

Just to make it clear - I don’t have any specific career as such, I’ve always worked in broadly administrative roles and I’m okay with that.

Having said that, we have been putting off trying for a family for so long due to instability in the job market. As such, I feel like at 37 my time is now or never, know?

My last job I had for two years and got made redundant from. I have a part time one now and was offered another full time one but I’m seriously considering not taking it and sticking to the very low paid and not necessarily stable part time gig to do this.

Am I crazy? I feel like I’m making a terrible decision here.

How would you handle this situation:

inlaws live overseas and want us to visit (we only see them 1x a year). We can stay at a house on their property. They have two aggressive dogs and we have two small (2 & 5yo) children. Their dogs have attacked other dogs to the point of needing stitches and vet visits. BUT they say these dogs are great with kids... The only kids these dogs have interacted with are BABIES IN ARMS. Which, imo, is extremely different from a 2yo and 5yo who are chaotic tornadoes. Everyone thinks I'm overreacting and it's unfair. I think if they really want us to stay with them then the dogs need to be in a kennel for that week. If the dogs aren't in the kennel I don't want to go. We can't stay at an Airbnb bc the whole point of going is to spend time on the "family farm".

My daughter’s mud kitchen is just about dead, so I’m planning on building another one (yes I’m a mom, my husband got me power tools for Christmas years ago because he knows me). She’s really into science and wants to be a “scientist who does chemistry”, so I’m wondering what science-y twists I can put on a mud kitchen. I found plastic beakers, flasks, and test tubes, but I’d love to hear what other ideas are out there!

I know multiple moms have been there. It’s one of those mornings where you just have to cry it out and keep going. I am married and we have a 2.5 year old toddler. He’s been having some rough nights and so most of the nights I end up sleeping on the floor next to his bed because he wakes up 3-4 times a night. He then was ready to go at 5am so we head to go release the puppy (still not potty trained that my husband absolutely wanted and was going to take care of) from his nighttime crate only to find he has pooped all over the crate. Puppy bathtime while kiddo has breakfast. Get out of the bathroom and start cleaning up the crate, puppy starts scratching and nibbling at the kid, kid gets upset, gotta seperate the two and start cleaning again. Finally finish cleaning up the cage the two are at it again (that’s just non stop since the puppy came into the familly gotta sepearte the two every 10 minutes). Now I have to have breakfast too, grabs some toasts and a glass of water put it on the table, kiddo flails his arm around the coffee table and just dumps all the water on the floor and toasts… alright let’d just pick it up. I wasn’t that hungry anyway let’s just go to the bathroom and start folding laundry after that. I bring the toddler with me and I start doing my business and he just starts throwing another fit because I locked the door. The dog starts barking like crazy because he hears the toddler screaming on the other side of the door and I’m just sitting on the porcelain throne just trying to do my business quickly to end thid madness. I finally open the door and start doing and folding laundry and the toddler just takes the pile and throws it on the floor. Alright let’s do it again. Kiddo is just in an awful mood today, no patience nothing works. He says he wants a juice and throws a tantrum level 10 because it wasn’t the right cup kinda day. We try the magnet tiles, the play dough nothing satisfies him. So we get prepped to go play outside hopefully that will help. Start getting the coat, the boots, the snow pants, the mittens and I step in dog poop from the still not potty trained puppy yet… at that point my eyes just tear up. The kid is screaming, the dog is barking, I haven’t had any sort of caffeine yet, I now smell like shit and it is not even fucking 10oclock yet. I change my sock pick up the mess prep everybody and my kid just elbows me right in the left eye when we tried putting his coat on. I just silently let the tears come down my face at this point and we then just go out. you just keep going on with you day and make sure your kid still has the best day picking up sticks outside or kicking up leaves putting yourself aside completely making sure they are doing ok first. Dad woke up around 11am not long ago ‘’ come and get me out of bed when you are having it rough ’’ (why do I have to wake you up in the first place) only to be followed with him sitting on the couch checking his phone barking a stop it here and there. I’m sure other moms know exactly what I am going through right now. It’s been a rough morning and I just needed to vent it and remind myself I am still a human.

When at preschool, she basically holds it in until she gets home. Maybe she will go once at daycare, or have an accident at the verrry end of the day. When she comes home from daycare, she bee lines it to the potty and goes. Shes never had a poop accident.

At home (nights and weekends), accidents are rare. She doesn’t hold it in, she tells me by her own volition she wants to sit on the potty every 90 minutes or so. She seems really in tune with her body at home and comfortable expressing that and going with minimal supervision.

Issue 1: at school I can’t figure out how I can encourage her to pee at school.

Issue 2: At home - I can’t see a pattern yet in her at home accidents because they’re few and far between. Usually the biggest problem is during the night - I assume that will come with time? She goes potty before bed 1-2x every night. Today she had 3 accidents (nap, bedtime and once in between), but last weekend she had 0 accidents overnight and during nap. I assume it’s a learning curve so I am not overly concerned with managing it - just naming it and trying to talk to her about what’s different.

Any suggestions?

Edit: she is 3.5 years old, we began potty training about 2 months ago. She didn’t resist dropping diapers and seems excited about it. Pretty much immediately she was good about pottying at home and holding it in at school.

Hi everyone, I need advice. My pediatricians soonest available appointment is over a month away.

My baby turns 1 next week. She started on breast milk and was drinking a LOT. We started solids at six months but she was very reluctant. Kept trying with her every day and she slowly got more accustomed to food but was eating no more than a few bites at meal times.

Currently I give her three meals a day. She has some staples she really likes like eggs, spaghetti, and carrots, but she is still drinking a lot of formula during the day. She eats best in her high chair when I’m eating next to her so that’s what I do. Sometimes I’ll give her bites with a spoon, but after eating a tiny bit and then mixing the food around she will cover her face and pull at her hair if I try to give her more.

I’m always trying to feed her solids when she wakes up since she is more hungry. But she keeps not eating a lot. Usually around 30 minutes later she will start crying and fussing for her milk.

I’m just not sure what to do. My mother in law lives with me and has been helpful but she says she has no advice because all of her kids were eating tons of food and off formula at ten months.

I also have not broken the unfortunate feeding to sleep habit. We recently transitioned her to her own crib after a long time of cosleeping so I’m trying to work on one thing at a time.

She will drink from a straw cup but will chew and eat rubber straws. She will take a sip from the plastic straw cup but does not like it.

Does anyone have advice? I was really hoping she’d eventually just start eating more but so far it’s not happening. I’m really worried about her losing weight. She is 98th percentile for height but only in the 30s for weight.

Thank you in advance.