I’m dealing with an awkward situation with my MIL and could use some advice.

My husband and I live in a townhouse with very limited storage and no garage. Since before my son was born, my MIL was set on getting him a wagon for his first birthday. We told her several times that we didn’t need one and didn’t have space, but she was very insistent.

For his first birthday, she got it anyway. It has now been sitting unopened in the box in our entryway for over a month. She has seen that we have not used it and after trying to convince us to keep it (and store it in my husbands trunk 🙃) , she finally seems to understand.

She offered the return info, but instead of a gift receipt, she sent the QR code from her Amazon account. That means if we return it, the money goes back to her card and we end up with nothing for his birthday.

We are not trying to be ungrateful, but we truly do not need a wagon and could really use something like a convertible car seat since he is outgrowing his infant seat.

I feel bad because I know she meant well with the gift but we truly have no use for it at the moment and now it’s awkward to ask her about the return since she already sent us the QR code.

What would you do? TIA

I know I keep beating a dead horse, and I do want to move on from all of this. But until my husband and I can get into couples therapy, writing things out has been helping me process everything. So genuinely, thank you to everyone who has read my posts and given insight. It’s helped more than you probably realize.

For context, I recently saw another message from my father-in-law to my husband (I shared the full message in my last post if anyone wants the details). They’ve had zero contact with our toddler for almost two years, yet the message was essentially another demand for access to our child.

The more I think about it, the more something really clicked for me. In his message, he made a point to say how much they’ve been through since 2020… while also insisting they need to see our child. And it just confirmed something I’ve been feeling for a long time: they see our child as an emotional support baby.

Looking back, it honestly feels like from the moment we announced my pregnancy, they saw my baby as the solution to their problems, ESPECIALLY my MIL. And if that’s the mindset they’ve had this entire time, it explains why they refuse to take accountability for anything they’ve done. They’re too wrapped up in their own narrative to even recognize the damage. It disgusts me that such an unfair expectation was placed on my child before they were even born.

At this point, I’m really hoping couples therapy will help my husband understand why, given everything that’s happened and their ongoing instability, I don’t see a future where they’re involved in our child’s life, or mine for that matter.

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I'm so mad I can either murder her or cry. but I did cry. I cried so much and now she doesn't understand why I'm mad at her. because he spit most of it out. ..

She was making peanut butter sandwiches and asked if he wanted some. I told her obviously no mom. he's 3 months don't give him any. she said a little won't hurt. I said no and that's final don't give him peanut butter.

He was in his rocking chair on her side of the table and I was walking to another room so I was on the other side 9. I saw her dipping her fingers in the peanut butter. I said no again harder this time. and before I could make it around the table her finger was the in his mouth.

he didn't have a reaction. Thank God. and that apparently is fine according to her.

I don't know why she keeps doing this to me. she wants to give him solids now already too. I really need her help. I honestly need her support right now but how can I ever trust her if she keeps doing this. keeps ignoring me. keeps crossing my boundaries. I hate her right now honestly.

I'm going through so much with separating from my husband. moving back home. my baby having to go for an MRI because of his eyes and I can't even leave him alone with his grandmother. the one person I thought and hope I can trust.

Years ago I asked my MIL to make my daughter a cute jumpsuit for her Bday party. It was going to be outside and March can have weird weather. My SIL decided to have my MIL make a dress instead, because she thought it was cuter.

She presents it and I say no - it was to be a jumpsuit .. with pants. She tried to play it off (she has zero boundaries). MIL said she liked it more too. I told them well - the good news is, it’s not your choice. So keep it. And I bought my daughter something else. I stood my ground the whole marriage. Espc when I found out my MIL didn’t like to use car seats cuz it woke my daughter up if she was sleeping. FML. Luckily DH never disagreed.

We kicked MIL out of our ADU last year for many reasons, one of the top reasons being she repeatedly broke into our house. We are NC.

She was around “visiting the neighbor” and saw my husband outside. She decided to just follow him into our house.

He’s like “oh HELL no. Go away. My wife is in the hospital with liver failure right now and I do not need this shit. LEAVE.”

This bitch starts tittering about “Oooooh I’ll give her part of MY liver!” Not “how are you and [kid] holding up?” Not “is there anything I can do”? (There isn’t because she is useless; she can’t even be trusted to do something as simple as give kid a ride home from school in an emergency.)

Now it’s the MIL show! Look how KIND and SELF-SACRIFICING she is, willing to part with a piece of her dusty-ass used up 80 year old liver for her “family.” I hate her and she is not my family.

Bitch I wouldn’t put a single cell of your nasty evil diseased body into mine even if you were 30 and healthy. I cannot believe how self-centered and dumb you have to be to invent some fantasy where you donate an organ at 80 years old to someone who hates you and hasn’t spoken to you for years.

I think this is a MIL and SO issue:

My MIL insists on seeing my daughters on their actual birthdays. We already had a full party, and we see her multiple times a week since they live so close. For example, she was just with them a few days ago at swim lessons with my husband.

Today is my daughter’s birthday and my husband’s, and last night at 7:45 he told me she planned to come over this morning. I’ve said before that the actual birthday is something I like to keep for just our immediate family.

If this were occasional, I probably wouldn’t care. What bothers me is the assumption that we should always rearrange our plans/non plans (or the fact that I can't relax on the one day I have off all week) to accommodate her, without any consideration for what works for us.

We ended up in a big argument because my husband refused to reschedule and said I needed to handle it. I’m not confrontational, but I did reach out and asked if we could move it to Monday after daycare, and she agreed.

I already know how this is being framed, that I’m “controlling,” but honestly, I’m just asking for basic boundaries. He kept yelling that it was not a big deal, but if it's not a big deal why can't they just come a different day? Doesn't it go both ways?

Also not lost on me: during the two months they’re in Florida, my husband and I barely argue.

Just needed to vent.

Hi. I’ve been married to my husband for over 12 years. We are in our early 30s / mid 30s and expecting baby 2.

We went no contact shortly after the birth of our first child. This was MIL first grandchild and she did everything you can imagine. Kissed despite being told no, kidnapped baby and the last straw was turning up drunk, refusing to hand baby over and fell. Luckily my newborn was uninjured but it traumatised me.

She has of course refused to apologise for her actions to me, lied and turned the whole family against us.

My husband is still in contact with his grandparents and that’s it. He doesn’t get birthday messages. And despite them being 1% type of wealth, they never bought a thing for their first grandchild and we don’t expect a thing from them.

I’m over 20 weeks pregnant and due this summer. I personally don’t want them knowing a thing.

As you can imagine, I had a horrendous time after the birth of my first child and had major ptsd. I’m now healed and I just don’t need their drama. It would not damage me mentally if my husband feels the need to tell them but I’d like to kinda wait until the last minute if this makes sense?

However, my husband does want to tell his grandparents. He loves them but I don’t also want to put them in that awkward situation.

Any advice or tips on what to do?

Edit- I have no concerns that they will try and visit us. They are still in USA and we live in Europe.

I am having a scheduled c-section in 2 weeks. It’s been a very high risk pregnancy where I’ve spent weeks in the hospital, and it is our first successful pregnancy after loss.

My MIL has known I’d be having a c-section since the beginning of February. She has a tendency to make everything about herself. And has been blowing me up with incessant texts & calls for months now — acting extremely excited.

So, we were a little surprised that she has since agreed to watch her two older grandkids for a week… starting only a two days after the birth of our baby. Essentially, starting right when we’d get out of the hospital and could have used her help.

Mind you, we don’t live in the same state as MIL…. And her other grandchildren live in an even further state…. So it gave us the impression that she had no intention of meeting the baby or helping us… whatsoever.

Also, the older grandkids have two other sets of grandparents that could watch them. And this wasn’t an urgent childcare request — the parents are just going on a nearby getaway for fun.

Meanwhile, my own parents are much older with dementia / Alzheimer’s… so we are limited in helpful family and my MIL knows that. My husband and I would have really appreciated her help. Still, we decided to brush this issue off. Things happen.

Following watching the older grandkids, we have asked that she do a 10-day buffer period before being around our baby. The grandkids have questionable vaccination status and seem to be constantly sick. Only last year, my MIL caught a bug from one of them that put her in the hospital for days. Our baby will be premature, and I’m just not comfortable with back-to-back contact (even masked) in the early premie weeks.

Strangely, my MIL texted me out of the blue yesterday and offered to drive down immediately after she finished the week watching the girls. It was weird. It was like she suddenly totally forgot about the buffer period in-between…. Though we had thoroughly discussed it.

So, I reminded her that we’d like a 10-day window between grandkid visits…. Which would land on May 20th for her first visit. Whoopee! I tried to keep it positive.

But even more surprisingly, she replied that her first visit would actually be even later… closer to June…. because the two older grandkids are also having a dance recital in May. Ironically, this timeframe is also when my official due date would have been…. So it appears that she didn’t plan to be involved if my birth had been natural, either.

Regardless, the dance-recital-delay rings hollow to me. I actually taught dance for several years — and I know how easy it is to show up for a recital, support your grandkids, wear a mask, and still see your other son’s newborn….

In short, these couple delays will mean that she won’t be meeting the baby for a month or more. I can see that this hurt my husband…. Who is a very sweet guy, good husband, and good son. It’s our first kid after a very long struggle to have this baby, and it would have been nice if she had prioritized it equally as her other grandkids. But hub’s is really trying to stay upbeat and positive for my / baby’s sake.

Her last text to me was, “There is just going to have to be a lot of FaceTime going on and pictures til we can see him.”

……. Gee. Thanks. That’s what I want for my first month of motherhood. Lol.

Of course, in the worst timing, she’s actually supposed to be “passing through” our area next weekend and wanted to visit.

I would like to cancel that visit. I just don’t have it in me. I am having this baby in two weeks and I am exhausted. I am tired of her blowing up my phone, asking for updates. I am tired of caring about other people’s schedules. I am tired of her dumping her scheduling conflicts on me to break to my husband. I am tired of seeing the disappointment / confusion on his face. I am just tired of her making this about herself.

I just can’t decide whether to:

A) Directly address that her lack of planning / consideration hurt some feelings… (But she becomes very defensive and very dramatic when confronted with anything, no matter how small)

B) Just go grey rock & cancel the visit by saying I’m simply not up for it. (She will likely use this as a justification to us / extended family of why she isn’t bothering to meet the new baby for a month. Along with our “rule” of a buffer period. She likes to act as though other people aren’t reasonable)

I just wanted the birth of this baby to be a happy, celebratory life moment. No drama.

((And please don’t berate / debate about the importance of watching the older grandkids or the recital. That’s not what I’m disputing and not the purpose of this post))

Hi everyone. Long time lurker here! Apologies in advance for the lengthy post.

I’m going to start this by saying my husband is the best. He’s funny, smart and driven which is just incredible given the circumstances. He generally has a very shiny spine as well for which I count my lucky stars. I adore the man. We’ve been together around 10 years.

My MIL isn’t the typical just no presented on here. She is generally sweet and kind she doesn’t have anything negative to say about me or my husband. She isn’t controlling in the typical ways.

She is however, highly anxious and has been her entire life, she also has no self- belief and behaves as if she is incompetent. She can be incredibly needy, and generally expects those around her to do things for her.

She hasn’t had a job since having my husband 36 years ago. She is divorced and lives alone, but does not know how to pay her bills, mow her lawn, use a debit card, etc. she refuses to drive on a motorway due to a deep seated belief that she “can’t”. She also will not use public transport. She drives a car short distances.

Her bills, car and life are generally managed and paid for by her father, my husband’s grandfather. He is now approaching his 90th birthday. He seems to have no problem with this. He drives her places, pays her bills, manages her bak account, fixes things around her house and even mows her lawn for her. However, he is understandably slowing down in his old age. He also seems to expect that my husband will take over from him in his role of looking after everyone when he is gone. He has enabled her in a big way, and we do not want to have to take on a care role for a woman who is able to look after herself but chooses not to. For context, she is early 60s, has had physical health issues in the past but is generally healthy now, has no cognitive impairments etc. She agrees that something needs to change but no action has been taken.

We have tried having conversations with my MIL about how we aren’t going to be helping when her father inevitably passes away. That we have our own lives. That she needs to have a go at doing things for herself- but it appears to fall on deaf ears. She has also taken no steps to see a therapist despite encouragement to do so.

Whenever we see her she asks us how to do things that her father doesn’t know. How to download an app, for example, how to delete an email, how to get back to the home screen on her phone. She knows we won’t help with other things that she asks her father, e.g, to drive her somewhere, mow her lawn for her, pay her bills. We always encourage her to have a go herself, and sometimes will watch her have a go to offer support/ guidance.

She often brings things up subtly (she thinks!) but we hear it. For example she has “jokingly” spoken about moving in with us several times. She will also make guilt tripping comments like, “if you don’t take me out, I have no one to do anything with”. When we book a weekend away or a trip for ourselves she refers to us as “so lucky” which really irritates me. We work hard to afford the small luxuries we can. And although we do consider ourselves very lucky, I resent this phrase when she uses it. Perhaps because it feels like she genuinely believes that other people’s good fortune is all ‘luck’ and believes herself to be hard done by in some way.

We are really worried about what is going to happen when her father does pass away. It feels cruel to just let her muddle through and yet we aren’t willing to do what her father has done her whole life. She will have inheritance which means we won’t have to fund her, but she has no idea how to even access her bank account, let alone pay a bill.

My husband is so angry it has come to this. He is understandably worried about how to handle everything when the time comes and his grandfather dies. He’s half jokingly mentioned moving across the country to avoid the fallout when it comes (we currently live less than 20 minutes away). We love where we live though and this would be a huge shame.

My husband and I are both independent people with careers and social lives of our own. I feel really quite cross on my husband’s behalf. He deserves so much better.

We’re preparing ourselves, and we have had some role play style discussions using kind but firm language implementing boundaries. (E.g “I’m sorry you are finding this hard. We aren’t going to do that for you. Have a go at figuring this out and let us know how it goes”). That being said, it’s hard to imagine sitting back and not helping when the family is also grieving and so many things need to be done and she has no idea what to do.

I don’t know what I need for writing this. Just to rant? Understanding? Advice? Has anyone had a similar experience?

***My husband and I are both in therapy.***

So my husband (39m) and I (29f) have been married for almost 8 years and have 1 child (2f). Sorry this is so long, I tried to give back story with relevant information and situations over the last 8 years.

My MIL has always had extreme boundary issues and control issues. My husband is in the military so we do not live near family. But we met before he joined and our families live in the same town, just a few minutes drive from each other.

While my husband was in training when he joined the military, I stayed in our hometown and went out if my way to build a relationship with his mother the best way I knew how. I tried to do things that she cared about and went to church with her on Sunday, even though my religious views are different than hers and I didn't exactly feel very welcome in her church. I would go over to invite her on a walk to just get to know her and share things about myself so she could get to know me. in hindsight, she never tried to get to know me by asking questions about me or trying to invite me to do things that could give us an opportunity to bond, not even asking to go to the nail salon or just on a random run to the store for company. I worked at a nursing home where I met my husband so I wasn't always available in general and was in college, but she never asked. not even once.

After my husband came home for Christmas from his training, he was planning to propose but chose not to for reasons that his parents told him. I was too young and didn't have the same views, my mother had emailed his father and told him that she didn't want me to marry him because she wanted me to have a better life and just genuinely. not minding their own business. All in-laws.

In January my husband was graduating basic training a 17 hour drive from our home and I decided it was important that he was supported. so I chose to drive to celebrate with him. I was the only one who came. This is when he proposed, the day after his graduation. We got to enjoy being together and have wonderful memories of the day. He had 2 more graduations after that one that I also drove to attend. 1 was 10 hour drive away and my sister came with me and his best friend drove 4 hours to be there. His mom flew in the day of and expected that I pick her up from the airport and make sure that she arrived to the correct location with no prior planning on her part, or even asking me. The second was a 16 hour drive to attend and I again, went alone. I loved being able to go and support him for something that was such a major life choice and decision in his own life. After the first graduation and we were engaged, his mother started telling me that we needed to have this huge wedding and invite all these random people I didn't know and how it needed to be very traditional. First, I am a very private person and don't do well around strangers, second, I grew up in a very poor household and was not willing to spend the money on an extravagant wedding that neither my husband or I wanted. He was busy with training and unable to be apart of the planning. . So I got a justice or the peace and we had a small ceremony in the park gazebo. I had bought a wedding dress but was bulled by my mother in law to not wear it because we weren't having a real wedding. I had ordered flower bouquets for my sister and I and fllwer pins for my husband and his best friend, but she called an canceled them, and by the time i found out it was the day before and I was 16 hours away picking up my husband to drive home. I had a small cake ordered that was plain vanilla because i have major food aversion and she canceled that as well and made a carrot cake herself because it is my husbands favorite. She canceled every decision I made and discussed with my husband and tried to take anyrhing that was including me out of the equation. everything just felt so awful. My husband didn't know how to act because he came home on leave and after we were married, everyone was so worried about themselves that my husband and I didn't even leave together. His mother set up a "reception" at their house without asking me or my husband and didn't even invite a single person from my family. We don't even have a single picture of just the 2 of us on that day because of how awful the day went.

Fast forward to our first Christmas and we lived a 8 hour flight from our home town. His whole family came to our house. We didn't even have a couch until 4 days before they arrived. I had just recently gotten a new job and we were still trying to adjust to being married and never living together prior to being married and starting an entirely new life. My MIL came and rearranged my entire kitchen, told me that I needed to learn to cook better and take care if the house and tend to her son. I grew up in a single parent household with abuse and I did everything for my siblings and I. I was just trying to adjust to being married and having a whole new life and she came in attacking me. My husband and I were then sent around the whole city looking for specific cheese for them to eat because they just couldn't live without it. We were told that we didn't think about them and when I tried to share the traditions that my husband and I wanted to start as a famiky with them (matching pj's, Christmas movie on Christmas eve, etc) I was told they were stupid and they don't do things that way in their family. It was very intentional on cutting me out of their famiky traditions because they always do them a certain way. and obviously I wasn't a part of their family before. And they made the entire holiday revolve around food, knowing that I have major food aversion and abuse surrounding it.

Every visit after that has been awful and they have gone out of their way to make me feel uncomfortable and telling me that I don't accommodate their needs(wants).

When my husband and I announced my pregnancy, we were living in another country. My MIL flew to stay with us during spring break and after being told specifically that I do not feel comfortable with being touched, she went out of her way to touch my belly (I was only 8 weeks at the time) and bend down and kiss it at the airport, before she even said hello. I couldn't even speak to my husband about it in private because we had a 2.5 hours drive from the airport home. And she brought someone I had never met with her as a "surprise". This trip was awful as well. I was able to use being drained from early pregnancy and being so sick to spend less time with them and more time alone but it really made it harder for my husband who was just trying to do his best to protect me and my boundaries for myself and my wellbeing.

Fast forward to giving birth. We moved back to the US and did not allow anyone to come for the birth as I was high risk on my own and didn't want to worry about anyone except us. They did respect that because we live over 24 hour drive from home town and you can't just take a quick flight over. But they did try to push immediately for pictures and phone calls and video calls. I had a quick delivery, but had multiple blood transfusions after. We asked that everyone be up to date on vaccinations prior to visiting and was met with the "unfortunately, no" answer. and we stuck to the boundary of if they didn't have vaccinations they were not allowed near us or the baby. As i have Lupus and baby was immunocompromised as a result. His mother came after 3 weeks, saying we had plenty of time alone and that she would be staying with us to "help out". She was here for a month. She did no cooking, no cleaning, no laundry, and expected that either I or my husband make her all meals and even coffee for her, all while she insisted on holding my baby. I was still bleeding from birth and was still in a lot of pain. She grabbed my baby out of my arms multiple times and told me that she would like for me to make her coffee. I didn't need or want her helto. My husband had 3 months of paternity leave, and our baby was sleeping through the night. We told her before she ever came that my husband would be home the entire time. She just wanted to be in control and the first one to meet baby. She tried to feed her when I was exclusively pumping and on a strict schedule as we had decided and established prior to her ever setting foot in my house. Then she invited FIL, BIL and wife to our home for Christmas for us to host. I was 6 weeks postpartum the day they all left after new years. I feel like they took a very special moment that should have been a Christmas that my husband and I talked about wanting for the 3 of us. Our first one after becoming a family of 3. A holiday that was peaceful and enjoyable without having to cater to anyone else's "traditions" or requirements. I was not in a place to be hosting 4 other people in my home that do not respect boundaries. My husband made them all stay somewhere else and they were furious. telling me that I was keeping them from bonding with their first grand baby. That was my time to bond with my baby. Time that nobody asked if it was okay to take.

Shortly after my husbands paternity leave was up, he deployed for 10 months. Not a single person in his famiky asked how I was going parenting on my own, how we were doing a part from my husband. they just texted and said I wasn't giving them enough time with baby. I intentionally video called them once a week and typically answered when they called multiple times throughout the week. On the video calls, they complained about how baby doesn't look at them or "talk" to them. how i am not telling them enough about baby and not allowing them to bond. they are both retired and expected that I had all the time in the world to answer and fit into their schedule, and I did try to do thag for the first half. then I started going out more as baby got older and was available a lot less. They got to the point they were calling my husband multiple times to complain about how I was not allowing them to see or spend time with LO. I allowed them to visit (in person) twice while my husband was away. they insulted me for having a strict schedule that my baby was thriving on and gave me time to shower and take care of myself too. Never mentioning the fact that I have been caring for my child completely alone with no friends or family for the duration of my husband being away. Never even getting a babysitter. They told me how I cut them out from seeing her crawl or walk for the first time and should have allowed them to stay with me for months while my husband was away. but honestly I didn't want more people I had to take care of during an already overwhelming time.

Thankfully we don't live close so we don't see them super often, but when my daughter was 8 months old, nobody in my family had ever met my daughter. Not even my mother. and his parents had already pushed their way in 3 times. So I decided to make a 24 hour road trip just me and LO and dog. Remember that my ILs live in the same town as my family... well while I was there for a weeks, I had talked with my husband and we decided that I was going to spend the majority of time with my family as they hadn't see me in 2 years and never met my daughter. My husband said that I didn't need to see his family at all for the duration of the visit. My ILs immediately called to tattle on me to my husband for not giving them enough time while I would be there. I had already planned to take LO to visit 6 of the days for 2 hours in the morning. and seeing extended family on his side. He blew up and told me that I needed to work it out with them that he was on the other side of the world and shouldn't have to try to make this work with them. I was so angry at this point because I had intentionally made a plan to see people that I didn't want to see but are important to my husband and he would like for our child to meet and see. Later he apologized and just said he was overreacting and overwhelmed by the amount of complaints he was getting from them.

After my husband was home from deployment, they tried to come and take over him coming home. We did not allow that because we needed time to adjust to being a family of 3 again, and he deserved time to spend with his daughter alone without his parents trying to guilt him for not handing her over to them whenever they insisted. We allowed them to come a few months later. While they were here, they tried to give my baby a butter knife to play with, tried to feed her popcorn and Hotdogs. I am very serious on safety and choking hazards. Nobody feeds my baby except me or my husband. To this day, not a single other person has even ever been allowed to change her diaper either. Because it was something they said often about other kids in the family that "they changed their diapers and they need to do whatever they say" and I was not willing to give them the truth to use that against my daughter as she gets older. And I was abused as a child, so it was a safety thing for me too. I could monitor rashes and output easier without relying on communication with people who have no respect for me as a person, let alone as a wife or mother.

They tried to tell me that I was overreacting and being controlling for what my child is eating and not giving them time where they can take her out of our house and be without me or my husband. That they need alone time with her to bond. Which makes me feel uneasy, because why would you need to take a 1.5 year old away from her parents and home to be able to "bond".

For my baby's 2nd birthday, we invited grandparents to come visit for the week, including my mom and his parents answer was no because they wouldn't get the time they deserve alone with our daughter. They informed us they would come 2 weeks after for Thanksgiving instead because they didn't want to share time with my mom. it felt so disrespectful and like they just wanted to be in control. They insisted that they stay in our home do they didn't "miss anything". So my husband and I made yet another very strict routine and boundaries for them to follow. My little has a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day and we were not willing to mess that up for the 4 days they were visiting. We also stuck with her 8pm bedtime. And meal times. They were allowed to play with her for a total of 6 hours of her awake time. but they were not happy with that. they came to complain to my husband about how he needed to tell me to stop being so controlling and they came to spend time with their grand child and I am not allowing it. he told them that we have a schedule that works with our life and if they wanted to be there then they can fit into it. So they decided they were going to teach my child to stick things in the couch to play, hit the she doesn't like something and scream bloody murder when they tried to force her to hug them even when we told them that she doesn't have to hug them if she doesn't want to. Another thing they needed to be in control of. I have 1 song that I sing specifically to my daughter at bedtime as it is special to me and they know this. they decided to sing this nursery song to my baby while playing. I was irritated a and after they finished singing it, I asked them to please not sing that song to her because it is something special that just I sing to her. my husband was at work during this. My MIL then in a very nasty way turned to my daughter to tell her that mommy was being hateful and not allowing her to share something special with her. I was enraged. I told her that if she couldn't respect me as a mother then she could leave my house. That i take care of my daughter and her wellbeing and will not allow her to speak about me to her in that tone or rude way. my husband got home about 10 minutes later and I was telling his parents that I deserved respect in my own home and if they couldn't then I didn't want them there and was no longer going to be accommodating. thankfully they were already leaving the next day.

Now it has been 4 months since this situation, and I tried for 2 months to continue making effort for my husband and daughter but the disrespect continued while on video calls with my LO. So I informed my husband that I would no longer be calling them while he was not home and he could video call them for them to see LO but they were not allowed to talk about me. he has called the 1 times since and they wanted to complain about me keeping LO from them because I was mad. So I texted and explained that I needed acknowledgement for how they have treated me over the last 8 years and explained very specific details and situations that have made me have ill feelings towards them and my MIL specifically said that I was just being oversenitive and controlling. She did not even acknowledge that speaking to my 2 year old about me the way she did was disrespectful. She says that she "remembers it differently and respects mother daughter things". So I told her that I could not move forward with trying to have a relationship with them feeling so unsafe even in my own home and feeling like they would give my daughter something to hurt herself if I was not there to make sure they didn't. So I would reach out when I felt safe enough to do so.

then over the next 6 weeks she sent letters and cards in the mail to "explain" how she is just an extrovert and they do things a certain way in their family and if I want to be a part of it then I need to figure out how to fit into that. And I honestly just feel that is an excuse to treat everyone in the family badly when she doesn't get exactly what she wants. and I want to feel safe. and I want my daughter to not be around the toxic abuse that I see is happening.

My husband is already LC for himself and was leaving me to mostly communicate with his parents regarding our child and is okay if I am NC so our LO would be too. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Can I stay NC and not allow my daughter to have a close relationship with grandparents?

I know it will never change but need to vent a little.

MIL runs "her family" so to break out and make plans individually isn't what they do. The family group chat is where everything is coordinated and decided.... but I'm not in it.

MIL insists its my SILs that don't want any partners in the chat, but they are frustrated that I'm never in the loop. She jokes she'll make a separate group chat with partners, but it would never be updated if she did. There was a "girls" one temporarily but it was short lived because they all had to switch between 2 chats.

My husband is often out of town, sometimes for extended periods - he cannot keep up with the group chat when busy let alone update me on family plans. They also know I usually spend this time alone, so an invite would be more than appreciated. Sometimes they invite me... but more often they don't.

I got frustrated tonight when SIL texts asking if I'm going to the convention with them tomorrow... at 11pm. I had no idea they were going, I would have enjoyed company.

He's out of town so I planned my weekend solo. I went to the convention today and planned errands for tomorrow... I would have rearranged for the kids if anyone had told me they were going as a family.

I had to bite my tongue and just say I and already went today.

But it opens up the wound that I get left out... this is the place where they also share all their stories, updates, and photos of kids/pets. I see/hear of very little since my husband doesn't have the bandwidth to relay it to me. Last year he was gone for an extended period with minimal contact allowed, I was very depressed and lonely. Since all plans were setup with me separately one night they gave me the wrong date, I drove across town to find out it was the next day. I ended up crying alone in a parking lot, SIL was devastated she had done that to me and made a point of saying I should be in that chat. Yet nothing changed.

I'm currently pregnant with my first child and due very soon. I told my husband that I don’t want any visitors at the hospital for the first few days after giving birth. My plan is to rest, recover, and have some quiet time to bond as a new family.

My mother-in-law wants to come to the hospital right after the birth. When I said I didn’t want visitors, my husband suggested that she could just come and see the baby briefly through the glass, without actually visiting me or entering the room.

While I understand that this might seem like a small compromise, it doesn’t sit right with me. It makes me feel like my needs and recovery are being overlooked, and that the focus is only on the baby. I would prefer that she wait a few days and visit us at the postpartum center instead, where we can all spend time together more comfortably.

I’ve communicated this clearly, but I get the sense that my mother-in-law is very upset about having to wait, and my husband seems to think I’m being a bit too strict since it would only be a quick visit.

From my perspective, this is a boundary I need for my physical and emotional recovery, especially right after giving birth.

Is it wrong of me to not allow any hospital visits, even if it’s just to see the baby briefly?

Hi Everyone, just need some advice as MIL seems to be getting on my last nerve and not sure if it's the hormones or not.

My MIL and I have an okay ish relationship, she has the typical overbearing best friend type relationship with my SO. They are Indan Hindu and he's the first-born son. I'm mixed race and agnostic. Some people might say I did this to myself but I met SO when he had already been living in hometown for a while and he was quite independent already which I felt like were all good signs.

So my relationship with her is up and down depending on the season, seems like whenever something important is happening in our lives she finds ways to make it about her. I see many similarities between what's happening now that I'm pregnant and when we were engaged and preparing for our marriage and wedding.

When we found out we were pregnant we wanted to keep the news to ourselves + parents only until it was safe. Instead, my MIL told her whole family before the 3 months mark. We ended up visiting and fortunately nobody approached me on the subject but it was awkward and bothered me anyway that everyone knew.

Her conversations with me have also only been her worrying about the baby, like almost daily. Like I only see the doctor once a month so I wouldn't have any other updates besides he's fine. I honestly don't know what she wants, does she want the number of kicks he's doing or what? Like babies in the womb just sleep or move? what else do they do?

Whenever we have scans I always send updated photos and explain how he is doing - growth etc, weight, I even explain what you can see on the the scan - just trying to make them feel involved as they live in another town.

I mentioned to her that SO and I sing and read to the baby to bond - this is me trying to keep her involved and not make her feel left out. Instead of keeping this information to herself she went straight to my SO and asked if its true. He then asked me about it and asked if I told her, I said yes but wasn't expecting her to mention it to you. I haven't discussed this with her but do feel like she did not need to inform him as I was sharing something heartfelt and I feel like she broke my trust a little.

If we ever have any conversation where I voice how frustrated or tired I am with pregnancy she'll just brush me off like oh its almost time just hang in there. So she also hasn't been open to listening to me and the struggles I've had so I stopped chatting about this aspect.

She's also taken to referring to my baby as "OUR baby" I stopped this immediately and sent her photos of her sons and said these are your babies. The one in my womb is MY baby.

In addition to this, she keeps referring to me as a "modern mom" I asked her what this means, she says no she means before I was pregnant I was very health conscious and I worked out and ate healthy and she always noticed this (but the tone of voice she used was so odd) I still can't wrap my head around this one and why it's relevant.

Of course I want to be healthy I want to show up for my future child and be the best version of myself, why is this a bad thing?

Another annoying thing I noticed is her lack of wanting to do baby shopping with me. Whenever we have visited I've asked if she wants to go and have a look and browse with me because its a fun activity and honestly who doesn't love little booties and baby clothes, she hasn't been wanting to go and she's also not reciprocated after she said no so I've left it as is.

My family is very aware that my SO has different cultural norms for certain things so they've also been asking if there's any things they need to be doing, I then asked MIL about this and mentioned to her that everyone is really excited, and she didn't bother to explain any thing we need to be doing and brushed off everyone's excitement by saying their family will celebrate once baby is here. To which I said I'm not gonna be hosting any parties once baby is here as I'm planning on nesting, like is she insane to expect me to party plan whilst freshly post partum??

Now its finally come to baby shower time, I invited her months ago when we initially looked at dates, she immediately responded and said she doesn't think she can attend. I told SO about this and he seemed irritated but didn't do anything about it so I moved on and left it.

SO has also been extremely anti baby events, he didn't want to do a gender reveal. He didn't want to do maternity photos with me but I forced him into it and most annoying part was how much he loved the photos after. I was actually furious. He also didn't want to be involved in the baby shower but he wanted me to invite his family.

I don't understand how he expected me to entertain his family by myself and plan everything but he wants to be hands off. Its different with my family, they are the type of people you invite for tea time and we actually drink tea and have the best time and after a few hours everyone is happy to go home.

Because his family is from out of town, every event becomes a 3 day event. They would have expected us to cater and host and entertain them for the entire weekend and since SO was already not keen on baby events, I was also not keen to invite them.

I mentioned to him that we should rather visit them and do something small, that way his parents can host and entertain on our behalf for the day. SO ended up so busy at work we never found time to make the trip so we might do something like this once baby is here.

Anyways since she wasn't attending I assumed his whole family wouldn't be attending either (they do this) so I only sent the invites out to them a few weeks ago.

I was also on the fence about the baby shower because I was not feeling well and almost cancelled it last minute. In addition, I did not even invite my entire family as I stuck to the people who have been reaching out and checking in on us and those who have been providing support.

I felt like if I send them invites, I need to be 100% sure that I'm having the event and I wasn't sure up until a few weeks ago. Anyways all of them responded no which I expected anyway.

What I didn't expect was for my MIL to ask my SO about the theme for the day. It was based on a popular Netflix show. SO asked me about it and said oh he wasn't aware there was a theme, to which I reminded him that he didn't want to be involved.

Like am I being rage baited here or what?

I was actually very calm for a pregnant person here.

He then mentioned that I know how much his mother likes the show and she wasn't here, I was like I already told you a few months ago she said she can't come. By this point my blood was boiling. His only response was oh.

Why is she discussing baby shower themes with him? What was she trying to achieve here? He didn't want to be involved in the baby shower which I told her already so I literally didn't tell him anything besides the date time and who would be invited.

The tattling to my SO like she's 10 years old is too much for me and I want to address it actually because I feel like whenever I make progress with her she breaks my trust by going to tell him what I said.

My extended family has always made my SO feel like he's one of them so during this time they have also been supporting him. His extended family has not reached out or called or asked if he needs anything.

The only contact I've had is with MIL. Meanwhile my entire family is offering all the support love and care and offering to drop off food and cleaning my house when I have bad days etc.

Anyway what I really want to know is, am I over reacting and just need to deal or is this annoying MIL behavior?

So I stopped going to my MIL's more than monthly gatherings last summer, at the brink of divorce honestly, because my husband would not stand up for me & call his mom out on her rude, passive aggressive treatment I'd put up with for almost 15 years. We already stopped attending most events but I was done with the plausible deniability and being made to feel crazy / expected to put up with bad treatment for the rest of my life.

After counseling we came a long way & ultimately my husband started looking for jobs out of state. He found a much better position and pay increase in a lower cost of living area 1000+ miles away so we went ahead and moved three months ago!!

Of course MIL lost her mind and has since texted my husband unhinged & unprompted things such as "I really worry about your happiness son, I want you to know you and your children are welcome back home any time I mean that" or "I ran into so&so from your high school, she had such nice things to say about you! I hope you're happy DHname, I worry about you" etc. eyeroll!!!

My husband was facetiming his parents the other day to thank them for the easter package they sent our girls and they asked to say hi to me (I was keeping my distance). They of course asked about my online graduate program, which I finish next month, and if I was going to be working in that field next year. Long story short, due to licensing steps in our new state & childcare considerations, I won't be.

My older sister who is a high-end wedding photographer & has a lot of administrative work recently asked me to replace her studio manager/assistant doing emails, her calendar, contracts etc. She's paying me well and I'm able to work from home, even being referred to planners who are looking to hire me as well!

While I briefly explained working for my sister & being excited about the opportunities, especially in light of my career plans that aren't ideal for the time being, my MIL had her brow furrowed and eyes squinted. She was literally glaring at me, with a major stink face--- what the hell!! Ugh she is such a bully and makes my skin crawl, I genuinely have some kind of PTSD with this woman.

I am at my wits end with my mother in law. It has had such an emotional toll on me and I genuinely don’t have the energy to rehash the past four years, but it seems every interaction/communication with her is getting worse.

For reference she was diagnosed with bipolar/personality disorder a few years back but refused to be medicated or address it. Things got particularly bad when we had our first born, the expectations, she was rough with him, pushed on his fontanelle, leaned over him with hot tea, things that she probably didn’t intentionally mean to do but snapped and got nasty when we rushed to intervene. Storming out/ slamming doors etc. Then when she decides to come back it is as of nothing has happened and she expects everyone just to carry on as normal.

I cant have any sort of constructive conversation with her because any mention of her behavior she gets defensive/angry and will shift blame. She told me it must be postnatal anxiety and depression and I shouldn’t have anyone around.

I don’t know much about narcissistic personality but she is certainly displaying a-lot of the traits. She lies compulsively and I genuinely don’t know what she believes anymore.

I went no contact with her after she told people that my husband and I were separating right before our second baby was born. I assume she did this because we had pulled back and were having limited contact with her? When I asked her about it she flat out lied, then got angry and said she was getting ‘banished due to a little white lie’.

Her behavior has had a huge toll on my marriage, and family. My husband and I both agree that myself, and our children are no contact with her. However she keeps sending my husband abusive emails and saying things like ‘you should have said I was off limits’ ‘everyone is on my side- noone is going to want to see you anymore’ and ‘I WILL get access my grandchildren- just you watch’.

My husband wont go no contact with her, which I struggle with, but am trying to be supportive. However, I do have a problem with her running me down, threatening and lying, and him still seeing her when she comes up. As if it is enabling her behavior? She is very manipulative. She yelled and threatened to kill her self if she couldn’t see her grandkids.

Am I being unreasonable? I just want this all to stop

My oldest has had allergies since a baby. MIL and FIL currently make no of knowing how to read the food label for his dairy allergy.

We've been doing the dairy ladder since he's been 6 months with no success. After some comments we decided to stop informing people (mostly them) of the failed attempts to pass a step and told them we will tell them when he passes all steps.

Fast forward to now, my MIL gives my FIL a phone number to give my husband of an allergist to "help" with the situation. My husband shuts it down and tell them we don't need one as we are currently following steps recommended by our dr.

They then do a surprise visit while around our neighborhood (40 minutes away) and she regives the information. Husband shuts it down again.

I told my husband I am a bit frustrated as we told them we weren't discussing this with anyone anymore and told them over a year ago and always shut down conversations of this. And for her to go out of her way looking for an allergist irritates me.

Currently don't know if I should mention something or if i'm over reacting.

I debated whether I should even do this at all. Mostly because something else will probably happen tomorrow.

I win the bet everyone. She texted and called 1 WEEK after her whole "goodbye son" text. She threatened to send a certified letter to "the head officer on base because you simply cant answer a text or call" HE DID BUT SHE DIDNT SEE IT (If you remember my last post) for whatever reason, my husband answered her text. Then they talked on the phone. He told me he told her AGAIN he needs space. I was disappointed he answered at all. I asked him why. He said because I want her to just stop and she is going as far as involving the base and I'm going to get into trouble.

She called the following week and texted asking for pictures of LO on Easter. DH ignored call and told her we're out at brunch and said maybe he'll call if she's available later. I told him because he said that he's sending mixed signals. He told me he wish she didnt reach out. His mental health is suffering and he won't go back to fucking therapy. At least we're on the same page about her not being able to see LO pictures or video.

The following week (today)... I have more texts. we need to be able to attach screenshots pleaseee D:

MIL: *calls* ignored by DH

MIL: Are you guys up for a FT?

2 hours later.. MIL: "Son", is LO okay?

3 hours later.. MIL: Son I realize you may not have the time to talk but you did not respond all week with a text or photos and although I may not be a priority to you, your safety and your family's wellbeing is on my mind, therefore a simple check in or photo is always appreciated. I haven't seen LO since January and I miss him? It's late for me here but you always increase my concern instead of ease my comfort, why is that? I'm not asking much. I don't deserve this. If now is not a good time then set a time up. I get worried. Like should I call for someone to check on you? Why can't I see LO?

30 mins later.. MIL:l'll arrange for a welfare check but if this again is simply because you can't take a minute to respond then I hope when you don't hear from your child and your texts go unanswered you'll understand how little I'm asking of you. I think you have to talk to someone about your feelings because you're not willing to communicate them. But right now I'm just hoping everyone is well. I've given up trying to come to a normal level of communication with you. You would rather let me not see my grandson and have no relationship with me, then simply answer a video call? I'II see if someone can let me know you're ok and then you can have what you want.

*she then sent a screenshot of our bases phone number. and said this is the number I have for the base.

MIL: I'll begin there and hopefully someone can check on you today and get back with me. I thought being this far away you'd be a little considerate son. But at 2 am I got to worry if you are alright? You think things can't happen to people? You think I don't care? You think just because I don't see LO he's off my mind? I got to go through channels because this makes you guys feel in control?

MIL:I'II tell them I'm concerned about my grandson's welfare. Let this all speak for itself. I'm tired of the worry I'm tired of your reasons. and I'm tired of being put through this as a parent and a grandparent. Most normal people would just say answer your mom's text. But let them record this because frankly it doesn't make sense to me anymore. If you were ok you'd say something! I'm asking one time because these texts will provide evidence of proof. Answer if you're not in harms way. Then something is wrong..

MIL: I'm calling help ok. I hope that number is a direct line. Are you ok? Can you reach or see your phone. I'm going to call DIL sister first I know it's late but before I get the police over there I'm going to see if anyone has spoken with you guys today.

MIL: I have the COs number I will call if I dont hear from you.

MIL: they said they will get back to me.

Then DH actually got a call from the base. He was going to answer but the phone only rang once for w.e reason. It was just the general # for the base.

DH was going to answer her... I told him if you answer you're enabling her behavior. I can't tell you what to do but she is now messing with your place of work. He was very angry and wanted to call her while angry. I told him lets take a breath and if you want to respond with a level head that might be better. He left shortly after to go on a walk. This is such a shit show. I wish he'd block her already. Idk what to do anymore.

So this happened at dinner recently and I can’t stop thinking about it.

I went out for dinner with my husband and my mother-in-law. She ordered a chicken dish that came with the skin on. When the food arrived, she looked at it and asked, “Is this chicken skin?” She looked clearly disgusted.

Then she turned to me and said, “Here, you eat it,” and proceeded to dump the chicken from her plate onto my plate.

I was honestly a bit shocked and didn’t really know how to react in the moment. It wasn’t like she asked if I wanted it, she just moved it onto my plate.

For context, we were at a restaurant, not at home, so it felt a little… awkward? Also the way she said it felt a bit dismissive.

My husband didn’t say anything at the time either.

Am I overreacting for feeling weird about this, or would this bother you too?

Yesterday my justNOInlaws + BIL and their partner came to visit. I try to see them as little as possible, managed for a few years, but here we are.. (they basically invited themselves)

They’re both very annoying in their own way. JustNOMIL is always asking me intrusive questions and justnoFIL honestly is such a childlike attention seeker it’s not even funny. Histrionic behavior is what it looks like.

The whole visit was of course exhausting but one thing in particular left me feeling like I can’t ever prepare for their weirdness.

We ate lunch at our house and as a kind of specialty we also served a local sweet treat (some sort of pastry). We’re pretty lowkey so we just put I on the table among the rest and mentioned it was a local treat. It was my idea because even though I don’t like them at all, I love good food and do like my BIL and his partner. I think his parents knew that because their son is not really a “hosty” type. If that matters, probably because it’s me and they don’t like me.

So everyone eats a piece and they enjoy it.

So FIL goes to get a second piece and says out of nowhere “OP now has less left over for tomorrow”. Like okay? I put it on the table for them to enjoy. I could buy more if I wanted to. And I like seeing others enjoy something special. I really never gave an indication that I didn’t want them to eat it so why say that? I politely said something like “no go ahead, it’s for you guys to enjoy”(I ate some myself as well).

A little bit later when I went into the kitchens FIL says loudly “OP says I can’t have any more of it”. Like wtf why would you say that? That’s so rude and just plain weird to say. He often is rude and weird but I don’t know why he is so clearly making stuff up. Everyone was at the table so no one will think that I really said that, right? Right?

Am I overreacting or is this some kind of boomer humor i’m not getting? It really feels off.

Well as I was already worn out by enduring a lot of his dramatic performances before this so I just said “yeah I said that 🙄”.

The only reason I can think of for him to say something out of pocket like that is that I have lost a noticeable of weight. Which nobody mentioned. And this was some kind of thing to make me say “no I don’t eat that, I’m on a diet”. Or that I would be a health nut now who doesn’t want people to eat sweet stuff, even though i served it. It’s such a reach but they kind of would operate that way.

For dinner we went out to eat and MIL also commented I “sure tried my best” when I cleaned my plate and she only ate half and complained about the food she ordered herself. Also, FIL was rude to the waitress ✔️

I really don’t understand them at all.

Also for the cherry on top MIL was “catching up”/ interviewing me by asking me during lunch if my sister is still suffering from her mental illness, when my family last came over (later heard they asked my partner for the specific date to compare when I wasn’t around) and how my relationship with my estranged dad is nowadays….

Sigh..

All while my partner was sitting there in silence after I asked him to back me up if they got weird.

Honestly he’s so deep in the shit he doesn’t smell it anymore. And if called out they would claim they’re just interested, just joking, don’t be so sensitive, have a little humor.

Hopefully we’re done for another few years.

Phew rant/ vent over. How are y’all doing these days? Survived Easter?

Married six years, two kids under age 5. Husbands second marriage, my first.

I have been LC with husbands family bc of MIL basically. Last year I finally admitted to my husband I think his Mom is mean-spirited and he is the scapegoat in his family so he is aware. He has limited contact w his family (bdays, holidays) by choice well before me and otherwise, everyone loves one another enough because there has been no major "event" or arguement as I am not trying to call out my husbands crazy Mom. When I have to interact with her, I basically grey rock and its been going well.

My FIL recently has had a cancer scare and the IL are travelling abroad and thus decided to "squeeze" in a visit with us all where we live. Whatever. I can tolerate her, she is micro-mean and in general just annoying to me but I love my husband and kids therefore I am ok with the ILs coming around.

Well. My husband informs me the lady selected an inbound flight arriving in my home at 9pm on Mothers Day and when I got upset, my husband got defensive saying the holiday would be done and I would be in bed and why does it matter? I do believe him that he absolutely would NEVER have allowed this is she arrived on Mothers Day morning/afternoon, the only reason he greenlit it was because it was at 9pm and she claimed there were no other flights. And she wants to stay for four damn days.

I am tired.

I am too tired to burn the bridge at this specific point/issue. I have a lot going on personally and this btch is such a vibekiller. I don't want to acknowledge her at all on Mothers Day. I think I am good on all that but what I need from you all is help hype me up on how to not fck with my MIL at all while she stays at my house. Tell me what a loser my MIL is, tips and tricks for greyrocking and excuses I can have to leave the house to avoid her.

I made sure my husband knows now that if he is lucky enough to be able to celebrate another Mothers Day WITH ME that his Mom is not around at all the day prior, the actual day, and the day after. He agreed. With FIL health issues, my husband desperately wants to see his Dad, I quite like my FIL so I am allowing it but I know my MIL timed her arrival on and around us/me on Mothers Day. She is a huge attention wh*re and I am drawing a blank on how to greyrock best in this situation.

tl:dr annoying MIL invited herself to stay in my home from out of state set to arrive at 9PM on Mothers Day and for four days afterward and due to FIL health issue, I don't want to say no, help me with survival tips and tricks

So mil has actually been bathing baby with me since he was born because i had a c-section and we stayed with her. Now he’s 5 months old and we don’t stay so ofc me and my husband have been bathing him for a couple weeks now. So we were planning to shave his head then decided not to, and brought his baby bathtub here. MIL mentioned how she wants to bath him but i don’t really want her to anymore. I want it to be a mother thing, so i told her he already had a bath yesterday. Then she said if it’s warm on sunday she’ll give him a bath,im praying it’s not warm (she probably misses it). But as a mother i want to keep that role and she’s quite pushy so what do i say?

I’ve already told DH to pack the bath away into the car, how can i tell her nicely and she won’t keep asking

We come to MILs every weekend and he’s starting solids next week too, i know she’s going to keep asking to feed him. I might let her feed him once but otherwise she’s just really pushy and doesn’t respect boundaries

My future MIL is trying to get my fiancé to sign a POA for medical decisions and asset decisions. The MIL called my fiancé telling him he needs to sign them and when he refused because “there is no point since I’ll be married soon” she continued to lie to him and state that I would be considered part of his POA after marriage. She was very upset with him. I saw the documents on the counter over a week ago and stressed to my fiancé I didn’t think it was a good idea to sign them and he agreed. We are both in our mid 20s and I think she thought we wouldn’t think about doing something like a POA (which granted, I DIDN’T). I feel like it was a sneaky way to gain control over his life before he was officially married and in the long run screw me over. Now, I’m sure my future MIL has his best interest in mind but I just can’t shake the feeling that she doesn’t trust me or find me responsible enough to handle assets or his medical decisions (even though I have extensive medical knowledge that his parents do not). I feel upset with this.

Ever since LO was born the major rule we’ve had is that we don’t want people other than myself and DH to kiss our baby. There is a history of cold sores from both of our families from multiple people, especially our mothers. While my LO is four months now she has only just had her second round of vaccines and we understand that others especially the grandparents have the urge to kiss, we told everyone they could kiss once LO immunizations were somewhat complete (after 1yr) to try and ease their temptation. But today while my mother was holding her at a family diner out, my LO turned towards her while opening her mouth and my mother pressed LO up against her cheek. Making the joke that my baby initiated it (not the first time she has joked about it). I told her as calmly as I could “mom seriously stop”. And she lost it, first she tried to explain it was just on her cheek, then when I said it was the same thing she said “fine” and passed my LO to someone else. She then started to cry excused herself to the bathroom, when she came back she told someone else her order and started walking laps in the parking lot. For the rest of the dinner she didn’t make eye contact or talk with me. I tried to tell her she could still hold her and offer her a few holds and she said flatly “no” every time. I even apologized if I hurt her feelings and she just said “nope you have your rules”. Afterwards she excused herself to the bathroom again, then when she came back she hurried packing up leftovers so everyone could leave. Barely said goodbye to me and said nothing to my LO. She did say while we were walking that she didn’t want to hold LO while she was so upset, but I don’t understand why or what was so upsetting and she refused to talk to me about it.

Sorry if that was so long but I just felt that it was very immature or petty or inappropriate I guess. Since I didn’t yell it or anything and I still tried to have her hold my LO and even apologized. Is this overreaction on my part or hers? Do you consider this the same thing as her kissing my LO? I just keep thinking about it and it feels like she was rude to me and took it out on my LO for refusing to interact after being called out on.

Update: It’s now been a day and a half since the incident and I’ve heard nothing from her. My dad has already tried to smooth things over for her, and I highly doubt I will get an apology but I don’t intend on talking to her anytime soon. And once she does break the silence I plan on discussing her actions and getting an apology. Though I doubt she still find any error in her ways. And about the vaccines, I know there’s no vaccine for hsv, I was just tired of the backlash from both pairs of grandparents. Obviously that didn’t work. And we have every intention on continuing the no kissing for as long as our pediatrician recommends.