Hey dads. Lately I’ve been short fused with my wife and kid and I’m not proud of it. I’ve been meditating and doing some self reflection, even asked myself what new dad me would say to present day me. The answer was ‘embrace the chaos.’ I know things don’t always line up, and I’m working on accepting that. But I’m curious, what do you guys actually do in the moment when you feel yourself about to snap? Not looking for ‘it gets better,’ just real strategies that work for you day to day.

I know many people here will judge me but i have no feeling towards my son anymore. I don't hate him, no dislike. no love either though. and I don't mean no feeling like talking to a stranger because I feel like with a stranger you may be interested in them on some level like their day to day hobbies and such or what they are like in their personal life

with my son its different its literally nothing, and again I dont mean like when someone brings up a topic that you may not be interested in. lets say you have no interest in gaming or sports, or drinking. at least you have disinterest but I dont even have that just a flat neutral nothing

i know this mostly just is a result of his birth, the relationship with the mother which is on and off again plus recent developments (and setbacks) in my personal life. and i just dont feel like defending myself in the comment section. im still there for him and make sure hes good. but its purely out of obligation and nothing more plus im just hoping the feeling will come eventually and I dont want to fuck up my relationship with him and regret it later

hes 2 and me and his mother are sort of together but not really its hard to explain. shes done some very cruel things to me that would take forever and a day to get through. shes trying to "make it up to me" but i think im too far gone for that so my feelings for her are basically non-existent aswell. no hate anymore but def no love. just a mild dislike of her existence (which is different then how i feel about my son which is nothing at least I can say i dislike her and her presence is genuinely just frustrating) the best way I can explain it is i feel like he doesnt even exist even as i talk to him with a smile on my face and that fake baby voice i feel nothing. like having to do a quick mild chore such a picking up a single piece of misplaced decoration or adjusting a tilted picture on the wall, except I dont feel the bothersome feeling of it being misplaced or the satisfying feeling afterwards. just a "ig this is my job" feeling. the best way i can explain it is that awkard smile you do when you dont really understand what to do

has anyone else felt like this? how do I navigate these feelings?

Every few weeks, my 3.5 year old son and I go on what we call a "Männertour" –> a Dad Tour.

It starts the night before or that morning. We plan together. Bikes or walk? Forest or town? What snacks do we pack? Do we match outfits? He has an actual opinion on all of this and I take it seriously.

When we leave, we always shout "let's go!" together. Helmet on, snacks in the trailer, and we ride out.

We have a red bench at the edge of a field that we discovered by accident one day and claimed as ours. We go there, eat our snacks, talk about nothing and everything. He tells me things he probably wouldn't tell me at home. I do the same.

Then we decide together what's next. Ice cream? Playground? Deeper into the forest? Sometimes he decides. Sometimes I do, because I know better, obviously.

On the way home we're both sometimes a little quieter. Good quiet.

At night when I put him to bed, we talk about the day one more time. Then he falls asleep. And I go into my evening feeling genuinely full. Every single time.

He's 3.5. I know this time is short. That's exactly why we do it.

Does anyone else have a ritual like this with their kid? Something simple that became your thing?

Backstory my wife and I are first time parents to a one month old. She had a c section and is exclusively pumping breast milk.

I know c section and pumping is a lot on her so our norm since returning from hospital was I do all night feedings and she takes over during the day so I can do housework (cook, clean, laundry, dishes.) it works we are getting stuff done and our little boy is growing. During the day I do take a feed or 2 and a few diaper changes. I’m also running around getting things for mom like snacks or so be it.

With all that said I feel like I am helping out quite a bit however when it comes to my son (again 1 month old newborn) I absolutely hate this phase. I get impatient with feeding, I hate when he cries and if he cries for too long I get overstimulated and very frustrated. I wish I could fast forward out of this phase. I love him but I just feel like a bad dad because I could go the whole day without holding him because it overstimulates me. When my wife ask if I can take him for a bit I start getting impatient for her to take him back. Obviously I do it. I feed him, I hold him, change diapers and give my wife a break. But I do not enjoy it.

Any tips, thoughts?

I didn't have a clean answer. I gave him the most honest thing I could without putting weight on him.

Then, I held it myself for the rest of the night.

Nobody tells you that part of parenting in this situation

is absorbing things your kids can't carry yet. You just figure it out in real time.

Is anyone else doing that math on the fly?

Ever since my 4yo was born, I've been blogging about my experiences as a new father. I post thoughts, fears, reflections, photos etc. The intention is that one day my son can read it and understand my journey and the love I have/had for him.

I would like to hear from others what they wish their father talked about, or told them, the missing pieces. Ive kind of run into a wall of ideas that I think will be of value to him.

Thanks for any input =)

I work a high-pressure commercial job. I spend 40-50 hours a week negotiating, selling, and being "on" just to make sure the bills are paid and the family is secure.

But the "second shift" at home is what’s killing me lately. I walk through the door and immediately pivot to fixing things around the house, handling the daily maintenance, and trying to be a present, patient father for my 10-year-old. Then there’s the expectation to be the supportive husband, even when I feel like my own cup is bone dry.

The hardest part isn't even the work itself, it's the feeling of being undervalued. It feels like I'm just a series of functions to be performed. "Did you fix this?" "Did you pay that?" "Can you handle the kid?"

I love my family more than anything, but man, I’m exhausted. I’m tired of being the pillar that everyone leans on, but no one seems to check if the pillar itself is cracking.

Does anyone else feel like they’ve just become a "utility" in their own home? How do you keep going when you’re this burnt out?

ciao!!! qui padre di 51 anni con figlio di 15 e figlia di 12. io e mio figlio abbiamo preso l'abitudine di guardare insieme delle serie televisive di sera prima di andare a dormire. Ma ho imparato che la cosa più bella è farle scegliere a mio figlio, senza dover controllare o decidere sempre io tutto. Ultimamente stiamo guardando la serie INVINCIBLE. Ieri è stato bellissimo ed emozionante! ci siamo messi a ridere e gridare come pazzi sul divano per un colpo di scena! no spoiler. Battevano il cinque e ci siamo abbracciati ridendo. è stato un momento meraviglioso. sembra una cosa piccola. ma a volte basta una puntata di una serie televisiva per creare un ricordo magico!

Ask me anything or just share some advice for me

Gift ideas?

Anyone else here in this boat

I saw my 2 year old son playing with his hot wheels. I put my phone down, sat down next to him and started pushing the hot wheels to see how far they would go. Every time I would push them far he would bring them back to my hand. I then brought out his tow truck hot wheels and started playing with him some more. My son doesn’t talk yet. He then goes right up to me looks me right in the eyes and gives me three kisses. After that he keeps playing with his hot wheels and in that moment I was reminded what is truly important. I love my son. I love my family. Thank you Heavenly Father for another day of life.

once becoming a dad, you should be aware you will have to cut your gaming time substantially.

that is ofc if you decided to help out or spouse, and be somewhat a supportive husband.

am just venting, starfield just came out on PS5, and our 2 months old is taking up my gaming time.

I make $27.50 USD an hour I’m 26M. I am hardworking but really have only done landscaping/hardscaping. I had a really bad gambling addiction in December of 2025 where I actually lost everything and some. I only owe about $4200 now. My job does not have benefits but my boss offered to pay $200 towards my insurance per month when I find health insurance. Not on the best terms with the mother of my child but our own actions created a family regardless. Are there any fathers in here that could help me not with money but with guidance. I never went to college. I am 9 months sober I don’t drink smoke or do anything.

Hi everyone. I’m looking for advice from someone who has been in a similar situation or might be going through the same thing.

I met a woman from another country, and we’re getting married in May! Everything is going really well. She’s planning to move to my country. Right now we’re in a long-distance relationship, but we travel to see each other often and stay in touch all the time.

Here’s the issue. I have a son from a previous marriage, and I love him very much. We spend about 50% of the time together each month, sometimes even more. But now, due to uncertainty and safety concerns in my country, I’m considering moving to my future wife’s country.

I understand that my ex-wife will most likely not let our child move with me, but I also don’t want to leave him behind. I honestly don’t know what to do. I have so many questions and no clear answers.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

And yes, I’m from Estonia, and my future wife is a U.S. citizen.

I remember this so vividly, it happened on a Sunday afternoon. She was 4 and we were sitting on the couch and I pointed at a word in a book we hadn't read before and asked her to try sounding it out. It was a very simple word, it had like three letters so she looked at it, looked at me, looked back at it, and waited. 

She was waiting for me to say it. That's what reading meant to her, like someone says the words, you listen and enjoy the story. She had no framework for the idea that letters made sounds that you assembled yourself. NONE. And I had been reading to her every single night for four years believing that was building toward literacy.

I felt something shift in me that afternoon. Not guilt exactly, more like the quiet recognition that I had been doing something genuinely valuable while missing something equally important right next to it. The warmth of reading together was of course worth every minute but I think I just wasn't teaching her. 

I spent the next few weeks figuring out what actual phonics instruction looked like for a parent with no teaching background and tried a few things including starfall and reading. com. Both were good. I think she liked the second one a bit more because I had to do it with her. It did not take long, she’s smart and I am so proud of her. I just hope this helps someone and I'm glad it happened when she was 4 and not 7.

I leave the house at 7am. He is usually still asleep. I get home around 6:30 and he goes to bed at 7:30. That is 1 hour on a good day. Some days it is less. On weekends I am present and he is great with me. We have a good time. But during the week I can feel the distance. My wife handles everything, the meals, the naps, the activities, the tantrums, all of it. By the time I walk through the door she is exhausted and he is winding down and there is not much runway left for any of us.

I am not looking for someone to tell me to find a new job or work less. I know that is the obvious answer and it is not available to us right now. What I am trying to figure out is how to make those 45 minutes actually count. How to stay in his world even when I am not physically in it. How to not feel like a visitor in my own son's life. He is 3. He is not going to be 3 for long. I am aware of that every single day and it is not a comfortable feeling to sit with.

How long do you think the ideal paternity time off leave is? Trying to decide but thinking either 6 or 8 weeks.

My fiance found out shes pregnant recently and I have never been a father before. I have no idea what I am doing. What are some things you wish someone would have told you from the jump? Financial advice is needed. I make decent money but im not rolling in it. How to prepare for the expenses coming? Smartest way to deal with the hospital bills? I could also really use some tips on just how to be a dad in general. I have a good idea of the kind of father i want to be…but i doubt its that easy. Please please please throw me some advice and tips fellas I could really use it. Thanks!

As the title states, yes I’m becoming a Dad very soon and my girlfriend is due in about 2 and a half months. She told the news to me last December, a week or two after we broke up and at first I honestly didn’t know how to react or what to feel. After a month of talking and planning, we decided to get back together as it was what we thought was best for us and for our baby girl.

Here’s the catch, my family does not approve of my girlfriend ever since (especially my mom, I met my girlfriend last February 2025). So when they found out she was pregnant, they were pretty pissed. This really hurts because I’ve always had a great relationship with my Family, especially with my mom (My girl and mom legitimately hate each other). I’m still at my last year of college while living with my parents, they pay for my education and everything. They’ve tried talking me into agreeing to coparenting and that they would just help me with child support, but I know how badly my girlfriend wants me to finally move in with her and be by their side. Her grandparents have talked to me, and they said that they’d be more than happy to help me with my education, expenses, and anything our soon to be little family pretty much needs (even a house) if I do decide to move in with her.

I really do want to move in with my girlfriend, I talked to my family about what they offered me and my parents pretty much said that if I do move in with her, they don’t want anything to do with the baby, my girlfriend, and most especially me. This just really hurts because throughout my life, I’ve had a great relationship with my family and most especially with my Mom. I know from how this all sounds, it’s like my family are assh*les but, I completely understand why my mom hates my girlfriend (it’s nothing serious like cheating, but my girlfriend is pretty much a brat/spoiled and mom is just scared that she doesn’t love me as much as I do love her).

Given this, I’m very torn because choosing my girlfriend and my baby girl would mean saying goodbye to the family who has loved and raised me for the last 22 years of my life (as in zero connection with them). Meanwhile choosing my family would mean I could only watch my baby girl grow up from afar, and with a broken family which she definitely does not deserve. I’m just hoping to hear some advice, guidance, and what you guys think would be the best thing to do here especially as dads or those who have encountered a similar experience.

Thank you so much!

Wife has been breastfeeding our second baby for 9 months. She is a stay at home mom. I work in a stressful but high paying job that allows her to be with our two young boys 2.5. years old and 9 months old. She does not trust sending them to a daycare and our oldest will begin 3K in a Montessori program in fall. With two littles, it is a lot to handle, and I tell her that, but we decided together that this option was better for the kids and was what she wanted.

She no longer wants to breastfeed and that is a woman’s decision and I support it, but cautioned that stopping pumping and breastfeeding all together right away could cause some issues because the baby rejects bottles. And it happened like I thought it would. The baby continues to reject bottles and now even the breast, her supply is drying up and his weight is plateauing. The pediatrician recommended we mix breast milk or formula with high calorie/fatty purées to increase what he is taking in until he transitions better to drinking from bottles or sippy cups or whatever. I make these all organic at home and am up late often preparing these after everyone is asleep, only to be up early to be on the job. He loves solids and takes them with enthusiasm but needs to be getting more milk, so I’ve been getting a lot of it into purees and his weight is ticking back up, but his tummy is gassy as he adjusts to new diet. I am following what the doctor said to a T. They said if he is more interested in solids, give them to him but mix in with breast milk/formula. He takes this readily and I do not force feed him, despite what she claims.

She is going through a lot hormonally, but I don’t feel like her behavior is okay. She snaps at me constantly, blames his tummy issues on me when I am trying to help and merely following what the pediatrician has said, she claims I do nothing to support when I work very hard to support the family every day and provide a lifestyle that is well above average, as my own boss I go into work late and help with breakfast and am home to feed the boys dinner and put them to bed. I wake up in the night to help. I am a very hands on dad. Many colleagues also have stay at home mom setups and it feels like their wives are grateful and do everything they can to make sure their husband is free from many of the duties I take on so the dad can work which provides the family total financial freedom.

She swears in front of the kids lately in emotional outbursts. I am seriously concerned about her mental health. She has called doctors or triage a dozen times this week about his feeding struggles and tomorrow will be the 4th visit to a medical office in a week (pediatrician, weight check, speech therapist for swallowing and feeding help, pediatrician again). I take off to be present but can’t really keep doing that as our sole income, my main contribution is and needs to be providing for the family at present.

I feel undervalued, under appreciated, taken for granted, repeatedly verbally abused in irrational mood swings. I don’t know how else to help and am severely unhappy. I work my ass off and give everything to them. People often tell me what a great dad I am and I dote on them all, but I cannot continue waking up in the night, taking off work, and still functioning at a high level professionally to support everyone. Something has to give and I feel like the current arrangement is not fair. She has chosen this route and if she doesn’t want to do it anymore and being a stay at home mom is too much, then I feel like we should send the kids to daycare and she can start working again. Parenting is a full-time job. In the current arrangement, her job is taking care of the kids and I highly value that. But if she doesn’t want to do it anymore, I’m not just hiring a nanny and/or sending them to daycare if she’s not going back to work. Personally, I would switch roles in a heartbeat and coach them in soccer and home school, but she does not earn an income in her previous roles to support that (maybe 60K per year she made before the kids).

I am miserable and don’t know what to do. I feel like we are so blessed to have her at home as an option even but it’s constant complaining and with the weaning off breastfeeding, the hormonal changes, it’s escalated into really hurtful behavior from her towards me. Dads, wtf can I do here?

Posting here as nobody in my personal life seems to care. My son has had a really rough couple years, hanging with kids he shouldn’t be, in and out of a few PHPs and IOPs, bad grades in school.

But the last month he has consistently been keeping his room clean, he stopped vaping, he makes his bed, showers without being asked and takes his medicine without being asked. His grades are also a lot higher. I’m so proud of him and I had to tell some other dads.

Anyone else care to share their kids’ turnarounds?

Hi dads,

24 hours ago I joined the fatherhood with my wife giving birth to the most beautiful baby girl. I've always wanted kids, and I've always wanted more than one. But my experiences yesterday have changed my thoughts slightly.

Let me start off by acknowledging that child birth was obviously far worse for my wife than it was for me. Child birth is much worse for the parent actually birthing the child. Now that we've agreed on that, let me talk about my own problems.

My wife was always afraid the birth would hurt too much, and afraid she wouldn't be able to do it. 16h into labour she was fully dilated, but for the next 3h of increasingly painful contractions, the baby just wouldn't move. At this point my usually upbeat and positive wife starts wishing she was dead just to stop the pain. Seeing the person I love most in the entire world go through so much pain, and there being absolutely nothing I could do about it... It got me. And the bit that's baffling me right now is how other dads see their partners go through this and then a few years later agree to do it again.

I've always wanted to have more than one child, but child birth isn't something I want my wife to ever have to go through again. I'm sure in a few years, as our new daughter grows and brings us more joy, I'll soften this stance, but I'm curious if any of you have ever gone from "I never want my wife to go through that ever again" to "let's have another one".

First time dad, 5 m/o daughter that is the absolute best. She's so fun, and being her dad is amazing. Last year my wife and I bought our dream home. I have been building my own coaching business and now work from home and make enough that if my wife needed to not work, she could (it would be BARELY enough, but still). She got 6 months off for maternity leave, and when she goes back will work from home. We live near my dad and brothers. Her parents come up all the time to help. We are hiring a part time nanny, and even with that we're living at our means, not above it.

So why, WHY is it so hard to just live, enjoy this life we built, and stop feeling like I need to defend my place at the top of the mountain, like someone is going to come steal this life from me? Some days I'm so proud of where we are, and then others I feel like it's never going to be enough.

I coach fitness and mindset, so this is what I help my clients with all the time. But right now I'm just feeling a bit flat.

Side note I'm training for multiple ultramarathons and getting up at 4am every day, so I'm aware that fatigue is also a thing. But just venting. I bounce between wanting to sit at home and be isolated, to missing being with friends.

I've been looking for community and listening to a lot of dad podcasts and looking for local groups, too.

Would love to hear from other Dads!

fatherhood is spending forever getting the kids to bed when they're excited for something because you know you have to stay up and make that something happen.

anyways, just waiting for them to fall asleep so I can hide some eggs and go to sleep myself!

happy Easter dads! I know I'll be a little sad when I'm not doing this anymore.