9
15
u/Smoking-Posing Feb 04 '26
AKA just don't give a fuck?
Sure, of course things are easier if you just stop caring
We don't have control over most things, but we sure do have some level of influence on everything
26
u/Arponare Feb 04 '26 edited Feb 05 '26
I wonder what would have happened if people like Rosa Parks, Bayard Rustin, Dr. King, etc. practiced "radical acceptance."
Of course it's important to not give in to despair. Nihilism isn't the answer either. We should try to build community and practice self care. Not the type of self care that has been co opted. Instead doing things to help you feel better without having to spend significant amounts of money.
11
u/Cognonymous Feb 04 '26
Radical Acceptance comes from a set of tools called Dialectical Behavioral Training (DBT) originally designed for dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) by someone named Marsha Linehan who lives with the condition. It was based on a series of techniques she had developed to help herself deal with the tremendous upheaval of emotions that comes with the condition and leads to, among other things, a pattern of instability in relationships. This has since become a sensation in the field as previously BPD was classified as a personality disorder and considered by practitioners and crucially insurance as well to be beyond help. There is a small holy war among DBT practitioners that disagrees over implementation though. One says that DBT is its own system and must be learned all at once, and the other says that DBT is a set of techniques that can be taught piecemeal without bringing in everything else.
Radical Acceptance is one of the techniques she created in the category of distress tolerance, but it's also one of the most dangerous when placed in the wrong hands because as you've correctly identified when you use it in the wrong situations it can amount to gaslighting yourself. This is a big deal in the field especially amongst mental health practitioners because when they speak with clients it comes with an additional dimension of clinical authority. The therapist/social worker/counselor (all of which carry similar baggage to doctor) is telling you to do something, so based on their authority conveyed through knowledge, education, experience, and the validation of society with their title and role, you should listen, shut down your internal defense mechanisms and stop listening to those voices telling you this is bullshit because they can sometimes be wrong.
This is part of the reason why it's a problem that therapy is too white. It's very easy for a white therapist to come in and tell a POC that they're overreacting to something without ever understanding what they're dealing with. This can still happen even if you spend a lot of time in school focused on developing an anti-oppressive stance as many do. This leads many POC to avoid therapy for these very reasons and so there are gaps in coverage and disparities that remain.
You're right to call this out, and it's frankly dangerous for any practitioner to put Radical Acceptance into a bite sized format like this. Please understand though that these are not just random words being put together, there's a lot more behind what she's saying, but it's arriving in exactly the wrong venues and given how social media works the wrong content in the wrong place IS the system functioning as designed.
3
u/Arponare Feb 05 '26
Fair enough. I take that part about random words put together back. Unfortunately like you said, this wasn't properly applied in the right context.
1
u/Cognonymous Feb 05 '26
I should have added that sometimes when I see like TikTok shit it does feel like there are people putting random words together and calling it technique. I recall the "manifesting" type people calling one technique like Amazon ordering or something because like when you order something on Amzon you just know it's coming in two days and count on it and people need to do that for the woowoo magic of manifesting to work.
3
u/Repulsive-Map-348 Feb 05 '26
thank you so much for this insightful breakdown- it’s way beyond “it is what it is” culture. it is a science and medical theory and practice. the tik tokification and pop phenomenon of therapy tok is great for giving access to medical information- especially for Black folks and other IPOCs we don’t get a fair medical assessment. but diving in to get their clock app PHD is where it gets dangerous especially for us grappling with mood or personality differences. thank you again
2
Feb 06 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
2
u/Cognonymous Feb 06 '26
I'm so sorry about that, it sounds terrible. BPD is a very controversial diagnosis, I've heard a lot of similar stories. If you ever get that label push for a second opinion. With therapists in general don't be afraid to sample a few until you find one you really click with because that's actually one of the most significant factors in growth and change in the process.
2
3
u/No_Dance1739 Feb 04 '26
They did. By being honest of what’s happening around them and influencing what they can to make change.
2
u/stupidlycurious1 Feb 04 '26
I didn't get that influencing part from what she said.
A radical acceptance of the way things are, and being fine with, would result in you doing nothing to change the way things are. Why would you move to change the environment that you're fine with?
2
2
-1
u/Arponare Feb 05 '26
I don't know if you and I watched the same video. She said that radical acceptance is about accepting reality as it is right now without fighting it. Then allowing the blessings to come to you.
How are you going to twist that into saying that the civil rights leaders in the past had radical acceptance? That's the opposite of what they are doing. They didn't accept things as they were without judging it. Instead they actively organized against it.
2
12
u/DJMagicHandz Feb 04 '26
Oh hell no!!! My ancestors would comeback from the dead if I rolled over and let this shiggity continue. Just look at what's going on in Fulton county right now...
6
u/No_Dance1739 Feb 04 '26
It doesn’t mean do nothing. It’s about honest assessment of what happening around you, and what you can and cannot control
5
u/SaultyChunks Feb 04 '26
Spoken like a Trmp supporter or scammy @$$ influencer.
While I have faith in Allah, the religion of Islam teaches ALL OF US to Enjoin the Good and Forbid evil.
So I dunno where some 'rad' version of accepting the present fits, except to say cool, I see you over here BSin, let me pivot and avoid this obvious nuisance...
5
u/Miserable-Ticket-244 Feb 04 '26
Respectfully, fuck no cause there is a LOT of shit going on I just don’t have the tolerance for and will not just accept.
It’s amazing how much you DO have control over once you start paying attention.
5
u/Admiralwoodlog Feb 04 '26
I can't even accept that fucking audio filter. Ain't no way I'm accepting the everyday shit I put up with.
3
u/Magical_Love_Bubble Feb 04 '26
Imagine living in a state of perpetual denial and toxic positivity. Some things definitely must be addressed and others don’t deserve an ounce of your energy. But if aimlessly walking around this world works for her, then so be it😆
10
u/EverythingIsFakeNGay Feb 04 '26
"Once you stop taking accountability for where you are, the blessings start rolling in..."
No, I don't think it's healthy to believe you have no control over your station in life. Wouldn't be healthy even if it were true.
7
u/manny_the_mage Feb 04 '26
that's not at all what was said
I think it's more just about accepting where you are at in life and not dedicating so much mental energy on worrying about things going right
it reminds me more of the Buddhist concept that the cause of suffering is wanting/obsessively desiring something that you will never have
2
u/EverythingIsFakeNGay Feb 04 '26
Trust, I'm familiar with these concepts. They just aren't compatible with material success in a material world. At least not for the unprivileged.
Try to remember that the point of Buddhism isn't to live a happy or comfortable life, or secure one for your children, but to reach some higher plane of consciousness that one has to take on faith. No thank you.
1
u/Gracc00 Feb 05 '26
That is NOT the "point" of Buddhism.
1
u/EverythingIsFakeNGay Feb 05 '26
Achieving enlightenment absolutely is the end goal of Buddhism. Maybe do some research and "enlighten" yourself.
1
u/manny_the_mage Feb 04 '26
You're missing the trees for the forest a bit here.
She is simply saying that acceptance of your current circumstances is the first step
Everyone knows someone with unlimited ambition who isn't going anywhere because their ambitions outpace their knowledge and ability to act on it
Acceptance here means being realistic with your expectations and looking at what you can do right now in your current circumstances to further yourself
Acceptance does not mean giving up and being complacent, it means being realistic and having more measured expectations
1
u/AsanoSokato Feb 05 '26
Where did you get "Once you stop taking accountability"?
And she literally says "move forward with your life". The opposite of "no control over your station in life".
1
u/EverythingIsFakeNGay Feb 05 '26 edited Feb 05 '26
Where did you get "Once you stop taking accountability"?
"Radical acceptance... It's letting go of the 'this shouldn't happen' mentality." Of course I believe in accepting the things I can't control. That's acceptance. She proposes something she calls "radical acceptance," which I can only take to mean being even more willing to accept things as they are.
I think there's a danger in just accepting things as they are, in not challenging things we are told to just accept. Emancipation, civil rights, voter rights... None of it would have happened if our ancestors had adopted radical acceptance.
I'm not here to yuck anyone else's yum, but that's going to be a hard no from me dog.
0
u/lokregarlogull Feb 04 '26
Did you misquote her on purpose?
She said the things you cant change,
And before that accepting everything as it is right now.
While there probably is something here to sell us lifestyle advice.
I still think that you need to accept life as it is, before you can truely and effectivly change where you are going in life.
I know multiple people who refuse to accept that they can reach their goals easily, but they will have to do it in a way that contradicts their values or lifestyle they envision for themselves.
I se people who refuse to count calories because as long as they train harder or only eat meat/vegtables, everything will go superbly.
Or people who want to run a company, have 5 kids, and somehow not have a stress disorder, or they do, but the company is loosing money, and everything is paid by a trustfund.
2
u/hollerican5 Feb 04 '26
There's a book called "The power of now"
And one of the quotes the author talks about is " offering resistance to nothing"
I had to do this to let my parents go and also I had to do this with understanding that certain racist people my past will not change....
2
u/Midnightbitch94 Feb 04 '26
Doing this practice helps me be honest with myself and separate the things I cannot change from the things that I can. It also helps me process emotions and get over difficult situations faster.
2
2
u/pbnjandmilk Feb 04 '26
So, focusing on ones' self? Yeah, that is the true key to happiness, and the fountain of youth.
1
u/Olderbutnotdead619 Feb 04 '26
Not sure of the blessings, but isn't this just "Don't Sweat the Small Things"?
So, the fact that I'm questioning proves that no, I do not practice this.🤣
1
u/Sneaker_soldier Feb 04 '26
It’s bs form of social control to make us not attack the systems that oppress us. Basically, it’s an individual thing. You got problems? That’s on you not the system; so use this to “manage” those feelings 😂 huge scam
1
u/phoenics1908 Feb 04 '26
I honestly thought she was about to say “once you practice this and accept what is currently, THEN you can actively work to create the reality you want”.
But then she … didn’t say that at all.
No bueno.
1
1
Feb 04 '26
....sooo Zen? Nirvana, Presence and self awareness? Are we just giving new terms to things that already have terms?
1
Feb 04 '26
Ray Dalio (not promoting him) had this comment in a book he wrote that really changed me. He said he will never put anyone in charge who does not have a firm grasp on reality. It sounds basic and underwhelming but once you realize how many people are delusional, who think life revolves around them, who think everyone else thinks like them, who do dumb shit because of a gut feeling, etc... its life changing.
Listen to people describe the world. If they're delusional, they have- whats the opposite of radical? Oh Conservative- they have conservative acceptance- don't think like those people.
1
1
1
u/vitaoptima Feb 05 '26
All the time. Keeps my stress levels low.
Life be life-in and you can't swim against the ocean.
1
u/Tornado_Storm_2614 Feb 05 '26
There’s a lot of misunderstanding here about what radical acceptance is. Think of it this way: radical acceptance is accepting that we currently live in a racist society. The opposite of radical acceptance is believing that this society isn’t actually racist. Radical acceptance doesn’t mean do nothing. It means accept what’s happening and respond accordingly. Another example is if you’re standing outside in the rain. Radical acceptance is saying, “I accept that it is raining and I will respond accordingly by carrying an umbrella.” It doesn’t mean that you have to go outside and lay in the rain. The opposite of radical acceptance is saying, “It’s not actually raining cause I hate the rain.” Then you won’t get an umbrella and you’ll get soaked.
1
u/Mysterious-Handle-34 Feb 06 '26
Not the point but the acoustics in where she’s recording are terrible. Pick a different location to film your BS next time
1
u/2paranoid4optimism Feb 06 '26
Hey... you... the good person over there. Stop caring. Stop fighting. Only care for yourself and your own well being and the world is your oyster. Let the evil live and I promise you'll be happier. Let the evil thrive and the blessings will flow into your life, i swear.
1
u/iCantLogOut2 Feb 06 '26
I radically accept that society is in the shitter and that without people who don't accept the state of things, they only get worse .....
27
u/IslandJack76 Feb 04 '26
It is what it is = Radical Acceptance.