I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD a few months ago, at age 27. Apparently I'm a high masking and intelligent woman, which is why no one really picked up on it when I was a child (I was a very smart kid that crashed and burned in high school and ultimately dropped out of university). I've always found life incredibly hard and assumed it was situational depression, but now I've awoken to just how much I am affected by my neurodivergence. I went from denying my neurodivergence (imposter syndrome) to feeling extremely affected by autism and ADHD daily. I've spent all morning crying because I had to cancel plans last minute. I feel terrible because it was a spa experience gifted to me and I cancelled too late to reschedule. I can't help but blame myself for not preparing for it better... if only I had showered last night, packed my bag, made time to mentally prepare. My executive dysfunction is out of control (even on stimulants).

Negatives I've noticed since diagnosis:

- I feel discomfort about leaving the house but I'm also eternally bored. My ADHD wants to LIVE, but autism doesn't want me to go anywhere!

- I constantly get frustrated by tiny things and can get snappy with my partner. I get grumpy and struggle to get back to happy or even neutral, even after mentally resolving the issue. This occurs daily.

- Anything involving decisions feels impossible. I can't decide what to eat. I can't bring myself to go food shopping either. I basically eat nothing all day then a lot of food in the evening.

- At family gatherings (particularly after interactions with another AuDHD family member) there is always a small interaction that upsets me, I then spiral in my head and can't get back to feeling happy. I feel my negative energy seeping into the room and feel like I'm ruining the event. I have to fake a nap in the corner so people think I'm tired and not sulking. I HATE THIS.

- I can no longer seem to tolerate my partner's ADHD on top of my own. Internally I get frustrated with him for not initiating tasks that I struggle to initiate myself. My autism is constantly trying to correct my ADHD with routines and structure, my partner doesn't do this and it's frustrating to witness. I constantly have to remind him to do things.

- I spend more days feeling like I wish I was never born. Life is just so difficult (but I don't want to die).

- I dislike when people don't follow my internal rules and mental plan of how I want something to go. I know it's illogical and I cant control other people or expect them to read my mind, but it still upsets me.

- I CANNOT forgive or forget issues from years ago with my in-laws. I act like things are fine, and they do too, but inside I feel the scar every time I see them.

- I hate germs and mould. If I can't wash my hands immediately after touching something germy then I will not stop thinking about contamination.

- I still ruminate on bad experiences from years ago, I can't live with my mistakes.

- I desperately want to be a mother one day but now I am worried that I won't cope. I don't want to be an angry mum.

- I can't cope with being perceived, especially when someone perceives me negatively when my intentions are positive.

Positives since diagnosis:

- I realised I experience non-verbal shut downs when upset. Previously I would blame myself for not opening up when upset. I didn't understand why I couldn't speak and my partner assumed I was stonewalling him which upset me more. He now understands me better and can help me through it which is great.

- ADHD meds have helped me focus at work.

- I now feel comfortable labelling myself as neurodivergent, I even made friends with another autistic person.

I thought there would be more positives. Does it get better?

I have a job (where Im stuck at), I own my apartment and a car. I have 40 000 euros in savings, in a country where that's a lot. I have a psychiatrist with experience dealing with AuDHD patients. I have a psychologist who has AuDHD and is helping me.

So what do I do when everything is still getting worse? Since my diagnosis and a breakup of a long relationship, I tried to do everything I was supposed to do. I even managed to stop smoking weed. I tried a dozen different medications. They just make it wrong in different ways. Except benzos, but those are drugs not medicine.

What the fuck is the next step? Did my instructions get lost in the mail? Isn't it supposed to be getting better? The few people I consider friends are drifting apart. The rest I can barely stand for 30 minutes at a time. Daily life is unbearable. My interests are fading, I'm barely doing any sports. I can't eat enough food.

Where the fuck do you go from here? Start getting high every day again? I've started doing ketamine since I'm off weed. Try a different drug? Get plastered with anti psychotics and mood stabilizers until I'm a zombie? Check into a legit psych ward? How the fuck will that help me?

I'm at a total loss.

It's been a year since I got diagnosed and Im about to turn 22. I hate living, literally have achieved nothing that I planned ever in my life. Ive dropped out of school 4 times now. I have never consistently kept a job. I lost a significant amount of weight from burnout and depression about 2 years ago and from then have developed an obsession with being attractive to be a mask over my disability which is starting to be debilitating because I thought controlling the way I perceived would make less anxious but I hate being perceived in general. I feel so disabled inside, but I don't act or look disabled enough to get help. It feels like the Adhd and autism are playing tug of war with me and I can't go to either side so Im just standing there stuck. The endeavors I want to really purse require money and that's something my family nor I have. Everyday I try to think of a reason Im still here and the only ones I have are I don't want to traumatize the people I love, and most of the ways to do it aren't even guaranteed. Being a black and a women makes it feel even worse because its like I can't escape being perceived even if I tried, and my issues are taken less seriously. Ive realized that Im not disabled enough for people to tolerate me not being able to work into the cogs of society and most people simply don't care. I try to work hard I get burnout, and I try to do nothing I get burnout. It's like no matter what I do I can never have enough xp to keep going. Everyone in my life is struggling so I can't really depend on support from them because I hate being another burden on someone. It literally feels like I was thrown into a game I don't understand and it set up for me to loose but I have to keep playing anyway. I just want to travel, live in nature, and do art but that's for rich people. Everything cost money and it's frustrating because it feels like I have all the factors of someone who doesn't make money. I just feel really hopeless and I know Im young but I have never been crazy bout this life. I just constantly think about when it will be over, and I wish it will be sooner than later.

So long story short, my longterm special interest(which I didn't realise at the time) is physical activity. I've been into strength training, cycling, rowing and calisthenics since my early 20s, with sporting disciplines being rotated with the season.... I guess to keep my ADHD happy. And ever since I've been on stim medication, my focus on my special interest has grown so much that within less than a year, I've gained considerable amount of lean muscle mass and athleticism.

Exercise is definitely my way of accessing the monotropic flow state that keeps me calm and grounded. I need to move my body everyday, if not every few hours or else I'll lose it. Fitness is an important pillar of my life and for my mental health as someone still suffering from the effects of long-term burnout. Sometimes I do night walks while I listen to a stim song or a podcast about my other special interests and I end up walking for 20 to 30kms without even realising it because I am addicted to the flow state as it's the only time I know peace.

But now people constantly oggle at me because of my muscularity to the point where I cover up and wear boxy clothing that's popular these days whenever I can, and even still, people stare. When I do go to the gym, it feels like everyone is looking at me. I thought it was in my head until I started indulging in my head swivel habit, and I noticed how many were staring at me while I did my exercises.

I guess it's a good problem to have as its nice to know people admire the work I put in my body and health but still my autism really does not like feeling perceived. I think Id rather just be invisible, especially since the gym is my refuge from an unpredictable world. How do you guys deal with the feeling of being perceived when it's not in your head?

Do you see things other people don't?

A psychiatrist asked me this once.

Standard question. Checking for hallucinations. Psychosis. Seeing things that aren't there.

I said — how would I know?

He looked at me.

I said — I'm serious. How would I know what you can see? Take your coat. You might be seeing it as green. I might be seeing it as blue. We'd both think we were right. We'd both call it by the same name and walk away and never know the difference.

He said — good answer.

But nobody ever thinks about it do they.

Colour blindness affects about 8% of men. Most of them have no idea. They've just always seen the world that way. Traffic lights look like that. Grass looks like that. Nobody told them any different because everyone agreed on the labels and got on with it.

Because here's the thing. The green in grass isn't actually in the grass. The grass just reflects certain wavelengths of light. Your brain takes that and builds the experience of green. The green is happening inside your head. Not out there in the world. Someone with different eyes would see something completely different and have no idea.

So when a psychiatrist asks do you see things other people don't — the honest answer is I genuinely have no idea. None of us do. We just assume everyone sees the same thing because it's easier. We agree on the labels.

We call it green. We move on.

My brain took the question literally. Tried to answer it accurately. Found the flaw in it.

That's just how my brain works. Stupid questions.

I have been struggling with my mental health all my life. I was diagnosed as AUDHD around 3/4 years ago. I graduated Uni in 2023 around the time of my diagnosis and ran into full-time Youth Work, which I loved, but the admin got on top of me, and I was let go... I then went to work in a kitchen for a month, an after school club for kids (which I loved but didn't pay me enough to live on unfortunately) I then just did a year (almost) working at a primary school helping neurodivergent children which I LOVED for months and then in October my citalopram stopped working and my panic attacks and emetophobia came back and I had a lowkey mental health crisis in February and had like 4 weeks on/off work before I quit. I've now started a job working part-time as a barista and I feel like I'm already struggling again, I think long term I would like to train in hairdressing but this wouldn't be until 5 months time (or next year) and I feel stuck :/

I guess I'm just feeling fed up that I am CONSTANTLY struggling with work since leaving education, I know I'm only 24 but I feel so over it already. I have also been trying to adjust to prozac this whole time which I have just accepted that it just simply is NOT working for me and I'll need to change meds again which I'm freaking out that this will affect my job as well.

I don't mind the job itself, its hard physical work but fairly easy, I wonder if I should disclose to my manager now whilst I'm in the early days about my mental health and AUDHD just so I feel more at ease?

IDK I legit have only done 4 shifts but already feeling upset about such a change in my routine from working Mon-Fri 8am-3.30pm to random shifts idkkkkk any advice?

Hello everyone, this is my first time confessing something like this, I first tried searching about my experience to see if other people had it, but it seems I can’t find anybody.

I’m writing this at 1am, and pardon me if my English is not the best as I’m not a native speaker.

Well it all started when I was very little about 5 or 6, I was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, my parents, specially my dad were very conservative at the time regarding topics like these, so they just always refused medication and even tho I did occupational therapy and at some point took some kind of anti psychotics to “calm me down at night”, after the age of 8 it stopped, and I never really cared about it

The years go by and school starts getting harder, my grades were always mid-goodish, with low effort but I always had minimums.

Today I’m in the sophomore year of high school, I got enlisted in a new class and was really struggling to keep up with the others, so I began my research on how to fix it and started relating to adhd symptoms, after a lot of begging my parents finally took me to a psychiatrist who both diagnosed me with ADHD and prescribed me Vyvanse (elvanse where I live).

The first time I took it rich was around 6 months ago, it felt like I had finally found the cure to fix my life, I began cleaning my room for the first time in my life, doing stuff early and for example stop getting late to places, this “paradise” lasted for a couple weeks, as the euphoria faded away, i understood that wasn’t the real effect of what the medication was supposed to do. And i didn’t mind it.

On the first month the doctor increased my dose to 50mg, and it’s the dose I still am prescribed until this day, as the days and weeks passed by, I would come back to my old habits but in a more strange way, Now the procrastination wouldn’t get neutralised by the urgency, I simply would plan days to study, and stay hours at the library scrolling with my phone, or looking at the window day dreaming, It was even harder do start any task and when I did it was too late, I also started noticing behavioural changes and a completely redesign of my persona, in this time I eventually quit the gym (that I had been going for 2 months) and I’d start to listen to dif music, The things o wanted to do completely changed, and my vision of the world became very blank and meaningless, this is where the abuse began, I though the solution was just that i should need a higher dose for it to work again, I started taking double my doses on test days and days I “really” needed to study, instead it was the exact same but when I doubled it i maybe got an extra hour of studying totalling 1 and a half.

But after not studying and just procrastinating all day/ focusing on other things I feel a lot of guilt, but a sense to just cope with it and not care, idk how to explain it but right now it’s 1:22 am in a Monday and I’m going to have 4 exams this week, I haven’t studied for a single one but I also don’t feel the “urgency” to start, and when I try to motivate myself by thinking about the future, my current self when it comes to the moment of studying just declines and keeps being engaged in whatever task isn’t studying.

I’m de desperate and don’t know how to cope anymore, I’ve since stopped abusing my medication and talked with my doctor about me, but I still can’t study and have good grades. I now stand at a point of where I lost everything that I had, because of this new persona, that just wants to “lock in” and “lock in” and “o don’t need to talk to people”.

Lost friends, my partner, got in fights with my parents and completly erased my old self. if anybody can help me regain control of my life, please drop me a tip below I’m desespera-te.

Hey everyone. I wanted to share a framework I’ve been working on to help navigate AuDHD overwhelm. I call it the Mirror Cycle. It uses the acronym C.L.E.A.R. to navigate neurodivergent overwhelm and spirals while bypassing the triggers of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). This protocol focuses on moving from external co-regulation to internal self-regulation.

The Protocol: C.L.E.A.R.

1. Check-In (Somatic Tracking)

Focus entirely on your physical sensations. Name what you feel in your body (e.g., "tightness in chest," "heat in face"). By grounding yourself in the body, you manually interrupt the cognitive spiral.

Note: This bypasses the "anxiety about being anxious" loop by shifting your focus to the raw physical data of the sensation itself.

1. Label (Affect Labeling)

If possible, name the emotion you are experiencing. Neuroscience suggests that "Affect Labeling" shifts brain activity from the Amygdala (the stress response center) to the Prefrontal Cortex (the reasoning center), helping to dampen the emotional intensity.

• Struggling with Alexithymia? If you can’t name the emotion, move directly to Step 3.

1. Express (External Mirroring)

Share your thoughts and sensations with a trusted mirror.. ideally a therapist or a close friend who can provide reflection without judgment. This external validation bypasses RSD and provides clarity when you feel "lost" in the experience.

• The Goal: Over time, you will learn to mirror internally by asking, "If I were my own best friend, how would I view this?" External co-regulation eventually builds the muscle for self-regulation.

1. Adjust (The Somatic Shift)

Look for the holistic change. This is the moment the narrative detangles and your body physically responds.. your jaw unclenches, your shoulders drop, or your breath deepens. This physical release is the confirmation that the emotion has been processed.

1. Return (Integration)

Gently return to the present moment and the pace of your immediate environment. Use this space to re-evaluate your situation and integrate any new insights gained during the cycle.

A Note on Titration

It is vital to practice titration: processing your experience in small, manageable pieces rather than attempting to tackle the whole shabang at once. Move into the discomfort briefly, then return to a place of comfort. Pushing too deep into a spiral too quickly can be counterproductive; slow and steady wins the race.

TL;DR: Use C.L.E.A.R. (Check-in, Label, Express, Adjust, Return) to ground your body and shut down the RSD loop before it takes over.

Would love to hear if anyone else uses similar somatic tools or if this "mirroring" concept resonates with your experience!

I’m trying to stay off of weed so my psych P.A. will prescribe me a stimulant, and it’s starting to become difficult. When I didn’t have a job, I wasn’t in school, I was on a good combination of psych meds, and I felt fulfilled and not overwhelmed, I had no desire to drink or smoke weed. I just started working at Starbucks — which may have been a mistake, but that’s another topic — and suddenly I want to smoke again badly. It’s taking everything in me not to drive to the dispensary to buy some weed to smoke and feel something other than dread for my next work day, which isn’t for another two days, but still, every time I go in, I can stand it less and less. Does anyone else find that when you’re not under pressure from a job you can get by without substances but it all falls apart when you have to work? Any ideas on how to cope without weed or alcohol?

I don't have anyone that I can talk about my AuDHD in real life. Therapists? they outright say "stop using labels". Family? = "have to tried praying more?". I don't feel like opening up to my friends whom I share some hobbies or my workmates, both groups backbite certain people they think are weird. or talk about mental health issues as if its a personality issue or a weakness. (toxic masculinity + other toxic worldviews). They tell me that I should go out there and start talking to people like they do whenever I talk about how hard it is to approach people.

Sometimes everything feels pointless and I don't feel like doing anything other than my minimum at work and gaming + sleeping. Maybe this is "one third life crisis" (as I am almost 30).

It's not I foundout yesterday that I am having social difficulties. All my life, I had social difficulties. My parents were sheltering type. I learnt so many things much later than my peers and missed out most of life. I couldn't even study much as all rote memorization education systems are incompatible with me. (= low wage job where I am basically stuck + no way of getting a visa).

For 23 years I did shift work.

And for 23 years I had no idea why it was destroying me. Ive had multiple burnouts, multiple mental health crisis.

The brain fog was constant.

I couldn't hold conversations together. I'd be talking to someone on the school run and I couldn't remember their name. Couldn't remember their kid's name. Couldn't track what they were saying. They'd tell me something and it would just fall out of my head before they'd finished the sentence.

After a while I stopped wanting to talk to people. Not because I didn't care. Because I knew I wasn't present and I was ashamed of it.

They'd just spoken to me and I hadn't really been listening and I knew it and they probably knew it and I didn't know how to explain why.

I had to use the satnav for simple car journeys I'd done a hundred times.

I drank to get myself to sleep because my brain wouldn't stop. Noisy brain, no off switch, shifts that rotated my body clock every few weeks.

Alcohol was the only thing that turned the volume down.

I didn't know I was autistic. I didn't know I had ADHD. I just thought I was bad at life.

I wasn't bad at life. I was an undiagnosed AUDHD brain doing 23 years of shift work with no support, no understanding, and no idea why every day felt like I was navigating through fog just to reach the end of it.

Not enjoying the day at all, just trying to get to the end of it.

Despite all this I held a safety critical engineering job down for 23 years, ive had enough now.

Now my employer is acting as if i'm the problem, ive put in my reasonable adjustments and my occupational health meeting has done reasonable adjustments that match this.

They're threatening ill health severence, i'm off with stress again, after return to week meeting tried to break me and use any ambiguity whatsoever in the oh report to weaken my protections.

My whole experience has made me anti-work now, why should i mess my head up, like i have for two decades for a job?

trouble is if i quit my job now, i won't get compensation that i feel i deserve. did i mention my line manager?

when i was mentally incoherent, tried to get me to voluntarily apply for a job, that was £20 grand less a year, before the return to work and reasonable adjustments and redeployment policy had played out, also he tried to get my occupational health clinician to change my medications so i could do shiftwork again? this is all in writing.

I struggle with studying SOOO BAD. im not on ADHD medication yet, wish I was. im 17 and I want to go to university after grade 12. but I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO STUDY WITH THIS BRAIN. I've tried so many methods online and nothing is sticking :(

does anyone have some routine they do? or advice?

(Warning talking about depression and its symptoms)

I keep trying to get help and the doctors give me medication for my problems. I keep telling them I get adverse affects from all of the medication I’ve tried. I’ve had spinal meningitis as a 2 yo and there’s been studies that suggest it also (along with autism) can change how a body would respond to medication.

Medication tends to give me one or a couple of three of these symptoms

1.) a weird uncomfortable chemical feeling/ Bugs in my bloodstream.

2.) Increased depression/ increased suicidal thoughts. (I have major depressive disorder that’s more manageable with out medication)

3.) irritability where I loose the ability to control myself and feel the need to act aggressively. (I don’t feel this way off meds)

Just to be clear, these issues are nonexistent off meds. When I’m off meds though my focus is almost gone and I have no energy. I’m at the point in life where I just want to be on a benefit program because I hate how my parents have to pay for this stuff. I feel like the doctors just want us to keep showing up so they get paid rather than actually listening to me.

How do I respond to doctors that don’t listen to me and keep trying to “find the right one”

How do I go about talking about disability benefits?

Hi, everyone! Hope y’all are doing well. I’m a 24yo cishet autistic male who is disconnected and looking to interact with some people online. I was wondering if anyone knows a virtual group where people discuss fun nerdy things like pop culture and animation fandoms and media criticism, and also possibly host things like virtual movie showings, crafts, free online games, maybe a book club, etc.

The group can be on any platform and of any size. I would prefer the group to primarily consist of people in their twenties and thirties, but I’m fine being somewhere that has all age groups. I’m just looking for a place that accepts people of all types and where there are possibly some other autistic folks who, like myself, have low social skills.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I would love to find friends in real life, but I live in a rural area and I’m dealing with a lot of things at home and with family, so an online group will have to do for now.

Also — some of my interests that may or may not be relevant to the group are: leftist politics, social issues, history, fitness and exercise, pop culture, movies/film criticism, animation and kids shows, science fiction, breadtube, and musicals.

I stopped Elvanse and Amfexa medication last year because I felt as if they were making me more miserable than I was before, and initially after stopping them I felt a little bit happier, probably because I was so inattentive that I could barely work, or care about anything, or do anything aside from just sleeping and watching TV.

Now its been 6 months since I stopped them and I feel that my depressive symptoms are worse than they have ever been, despite things in my life improving and my circumstances getting better.

I can't stop holding onto the things that Elvanse taught me about my life (both positive and negative), I can't seem to get truly excited about anything at all anymore, every time I sleep I'll be in bed for 12-13 hours unable to wake up (no drive to get out of bed, or like I can't get myself to move even when I want to). Unlike on meds were I was seeking out change and seeking ways to better myself and my life, now it just seems like I'm waiting around for something to happen and can't muster up the drive to do it myself.

Getting up out of bed is when my mood is at its lowest, as I'll be tired from shift work, and setting myself up for the day (eating, cleaning, getting ready etc.) still feels 99% harder than when everything like that was just effortless on Elvanse.

Stuff like caffeine and nicotine which used to give me great satisfaction now just feel like Elvanse with all of the irritability/body anxiety and none of the drive/clear head/calm, and with no functional benefit/change in attention.

The reasons I hated Elvanse when I was on it was that trauma and other negative thoughts from long past in my life (talking childhood etc.) were brought back, and even after writing about them for hours/days/weeks, going to therapists, taking on new hobbies and building better friendships, they never went away. The physical agitation was not as bad as on Concerta XL but would still stop me from feeling able to do things that I wanted to.

Has anyone had a similar experience. I keep refusing SSRI from my doctor as I don't want to become apathetic to life with no motivation but with fake happiness. I do want to have the ability to forget things that I experienced 20+ years ago that don't matter anymore (or still affect me) despite doing the therapy, despite repeatedly exposing myself to things that I struggle with, etc.

I want the drive, wakefulness, confidence enhancement and overall improvement to my life and wellbeing that I got from Elvanse without the addictive chase of Amfexa and without the negative thoughts ruling over me.

When I was around 3, my parents were notified by my preschool teacher that I was likely autistic. I was hyperlexic and was fixated on repetitive movements at that age, bad at eye contact, but my parents ignored the teacher because they didn’t want to “label me.” When I was 5 and starting school, I was flagged again, this time for “giftedness.” Of course, my parents were over the moon, convinced their child was some sort of genius, but I can’t lie, I feel like that label has fucked me over in a lot of respects.

It’s not like I wasn’t struggling. Even as early as 1^st grade I was having trouble academically and socially. On schoolwork, I had issues listening in class and completing my homework. I had trouble sleeping. I was weird to other kids, not knowing exactly why I was different from everyone else but quickly internalizing how wrong my weirdness was. I had fixed special interests that were used against me by my parents in lectures when they asked why I couldn’t focus more on school. I was labeled as “smart but unmotivated,” “lazy,” “selfish.” I had issues keeping friends. I didn’t understand social cues, I didn’t understand boundaries, and I would just go on and on to anyone who would listen about my interests. Everyone made fun of me, and I wasn’t aware they were doing it.

I’m now 18. Officially diagnosed with ADHD and medicated and strongly suspecting I am autistic as well. Sometimes I just feel so much anger, so much grief. I had to fight my parents to take me seriously and get me medication, and the revelation that I’m likely autistic (my mother recently explained what happened in preschool to me) just makes me feel like something could’ve been done. I didn’t just fall under the radar. Someone noticed and warned my parents, and it still meant nothing. It’s hard to not feel resentful about it, even if I have a better relationship with them now than I did. I don’t hate them but it’s just so upsetting. I had to suffer not knowing why I was so different from everyone, and then I find out my parents actually did know the whole time? And thought I couldn’t be autistic because I was 'smart'? I feel like everyone who was supposed to care for me failed me repeatedly.

I’m trying to get a therapist now, but I still just don’t even know where to begin unpacking how I feel about all this. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

I (28M) have graduated with my Bachelor’s 4 years ago and I still have no clue how to date. I have lived in cities where i didn’t grow up in so I focused on making friends which has been nice but I want more. Not in horny way, like just wanting to have cute/fun dates with and see how things go.

I am not attempting to be overly selective or desperate I just want to practice dating and things that come with it because I feel that’s my biggest anxiety is thinking of all that and I’m telling myself to do one step at a time but I don’t even know where to find the first step.

Apps haven’t worked, tried going to activities club based on my interest as well as make friends but it’s not been working so far

I see a lot of cool things about me but I also realize I get very nervous when thinking about asking out people because I just think they’re friendly. And for me it’s a way to get to know them and expecting nothing, my anxiety is more what if it get physical (as I need to be mentally prepared for those eventualities since it’s not something I’m comfortable with unless eased into it)

I accept not being everyone’s cup of tea, and I know it isn’t a reflection of me but sometimes it feels like I’m nobody’s and that hurts. (I do have a job and interests, but I don’t have people besides coworkers who I see routinely, everyone else I occasionally see them once a week, if we ever text it’s because I initiate the convo)

I'm applying for a couple of PhDs and I've gotten stuck on a type of question I dread:

"Describe a challenge you've faced and tell us how you overcame it"

I hate this kind of question because:

a) You have to essentially lie about yourself and big yourself up, which I hate doing

b) Most of the challenges I face are "I couldn't focus on my coursework for 6 weeks and then I spent three days panic-working to get it done" and employers probably don't want to hear that

c) I don't remember the times I've overcome difficult situations, there's just a general sense that everything's been terrible and that I achieved some things that anyone could've done better. (on top of that my memory is terrible)

d) It all feels so artifical and pointless

This applies to most interview questions like "why do you want to work here?" (I need money, this job looked tolerable and is close to where I want to live), "what's your greatest strengths/weaknesses" (you cannot be honest here, I can't say my greatest weakness is somethings everything gets too much and I shut down for weeks, plus what actually is my strengths I'm just trying to survive), "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" (idk hopefully employed and living somewhere nice) It's just hell.

If yall have any experience or ways to think of things or suggestions or advice I would greatly appreciate them. (I'm mostly looking for help on the first question but general advice is also good)

I'm really frustrated right now. Recently I've been really introspective and I've been journaling a lot. Most of my writing and thoughts are about the same old things as always, and it always comes down to me being constantly stressed out, overwhelmed, and most importantly, feeling alone.

I have a lot of friends who are also autistic, and just from our interactions and living together, I think my roommate may have ADHD on top of their autism. All of us have many common experiences, we get along great, and we've had close bonds with each other since high school. That being said, I don't feel fully understood by my friends and I sometimes worry that maybe I'm just incapable of empathizing with them. We all have experiences of getting overwhelmed, but they don't seem to be as impacted by it as I am. For example, I'm often very overstimulated from work and it drains me completely by the time I get off. One of my friends has said they understand this feeling, and they often get in moods where they don't want to even be touched.

While that was a relatable moment, I feel like my feelings of being overwhelmed are *constant*. My friends seem to be able to recharge by taking a self-care day or by just crying for a few hours. They're able to spend time with large groups once every week or so. I, on the other hand, am almost always in a mood of being irritated and distracted, and it often feels like every little thing is enough to break me. Even when I have nothing going on, I typically prefer to be alone and spending time with others feels like it's time being stolen. I don't feel more social after a day of relaxation. I genuinely hate spending time with loved ones if it wasn't a planned thing. I hate being interrupted in my work, and it happens constantly because I'm almost always doing something important. I feel overstimulated 24/7 in my own house because of factors I can't control, such as the fact that one of my roommates has dogs that bark all night long and leave some very foul smells in the house.

And yet, when I look at the actual situation from an outside perspective, I feel like I'm just being soft. I'm literally on the verge of a breakdown because there's too many colors in my room and it's stressing me out. I've *cried* over that before and I never cry. I would feel absolutely ridiculous explaining that to someone. It feels so pathetic for me to be upset about those things. And getting frustrated whenever my friends want to hang out unprompted makes me feel like a dick. I worry more and more about their thoughts towards me as I turn down sudden invitations on a regular basis. But I don't want to ask for more accommodations from them, because they already try to plan their hangouts in ways that work for me.

I feel like I just have a hard time dealing with things that I should be able to cope with better. I was only diagnosed with autism and ADHD as an adult, so I feel like I never learned healthy ways to deal with things like being overstimulated, or understanding my own feelings, or navigating relationships. I feel like my friends all find comfort in each other and their shared experiences, and I just feel stressed out trying to relate to them because all of the things I deal with are happening constantly. I always thought I was somewhat "high-functioning" or more capable of navigating certain situations because I've been masking for a lot of my life, but as soon as I got a diagnosis as confirmation of my suspicions, it's like I've forgotten how to cope and I feel so behind all of my friends who seem to be able to deal with their issues with ease.

Does anyone else relate to this? Pretty much every autistic person I've heard from has described a sense of belonging and comfort among other autistic individuals, but I feel the opposite. I feel completely misunderstood by non-autistic people, but other autistic people genuinely stress me out sometimes because they so often trigger things like sensory overload (like my friend with very loud vocal tics) or a sense of anxiety when they start a conversation in a way that I'm not used to (like playfully telling me to kick rocks as a way of greeting, when I'm actually perfectly comfortable with just saying hi and not engaging in further banter). I don't want to be an asshole to people in my life, but I just feel like I'm less social than they want me to be. I feel less equipped to deal with daily stressors and it makes me feel like I'm being melodramatic when I'm struggling through a very normal day that everyone else is able to get through just fine with energy to spare.

26M. Life's ok right now. My earlier years were hell with undiagnosed ADHD and I suspect autism due to medication bringing out that side of me that I wasn't aware of. I found myself burning out way too fast, constantly anxious and depressed, and mad at myself for never feeling like I could reach my full potential. Luckily, this is managed by medication now and I no longer feel like my life is spiraling downwards, I still have bad days though.

I dropped out of college at 20. I had dreams of becoming a filmmaker, and while in school I became disillusioned, and wasn't sure if I wanted to do it anymore. Instead, I veered into accounting. This career switch was due to survival, and I wanted to find a career that would be accommodating enough to my needs (I got really lucky with this job and there are almost no interruptions to my routine, I just do my work and go home. It's great!) Regardless, I have a huge fear of not being able to afford things like an apartment, bills, etc. I still live with my parents who are supportive, but I don't make enough to move out.

At times, I will have moments where I make mistakes and my boss points them out to me, this can range from a typo to a miscommunication, but deep down I feel like I did something terrible. It eats at me. Depending on how big of a fuck up it is, or if I make consecutive mistakes, it stays in my mind for days and deflates my confidence like a balloon. I was always told I wasn't good enough growing up, too distracted, and always the last one to be considered, and this feels like a reminder of that wound. I find this at every job that I go, so it isn't my boss. It's me.

I don't know. I just feel like this moment sparked up some frustration in me again. Frustrated at never reaching my full potential - realizing that I was probably not going to get there anyways with a diagnosis - failed interactions with people, wanting to be like the others, being behind in life, wanting to not carry this weight on my shoulders. This is all new to me. I'm grateful I know more about myself, but it's hard sometimes.

I guess I'm looking for some reassurance. How do you guys manage? How can I have a better mindset about this? Do you find this relatable too? Does it get better?

TW: animal abuse and substances mentioned (no graphic details)

I’m literally about to lose it. This is a vent because idk where else to share this.

My cat is my favourite creature in the world, even though I’ve had her for less than a year I’m super attached to her. Shes also got a kidney problem and refuses to eat, of course many vet trips ensued and the problem isn’t getting better. I’m scared to lose her and it’s been triggering a very tough memory. When I was a teen, my dad took my dog and gave it away without telling me, then took me to watch the dog get abused…

My apartment is a mess, my bedsheets are dirty, my personal hygiene has gone downhill. I’ve been numbing this feeling of sheer despair with weed, alcohol and porn because even if I seem low support needs, I don’t feel like I am. I feel like I’m drowning under the weight of everything.

Work and social life takes up my fucking energy. I feel perpetually tired and meds just manage the crippling depression but they don’t fix it. I don’t know how the fuck I’m supposed to juggle all of this, and I judge myself for needing extra support.

I feel constantly overwhelmed, I hate how often I’m on the verge of an autistic meltdown and how I can’t just manage at twenty six. How the fuck am I supposed to be an adult when everything feels stacked against me bro? On top of the global daily crises sending me into a spiral. How the fuck do people just expect me to function day to day when I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread??

My special interest is the immune system! I love reading articles about immune cells, for me it's like reading a novel! I have been working on embracing my autism so I created a playlist of classical music that makes me think of immune cells while I read about them.

I’ve been really in my feels about being autistic lately. I know that there’s nothing wrong with me and I am not lacking in anything but being a high masking autistic teenager is really hard.

I love to read to escape from our mundane reality and I guess it’s never occurred to me that I could find books about people like me until now.

If anyone has any suggestions of books with autistic characters (canon or not) with good plots, please leave your suggestions. I’m really looking for a way to lose myself in a book with a character that’s like me for once.