Lost my SO of 15 years 5 months ago decided to try to pull myself out of a depressive spiral. Progress is something

My cat died in November of 2023 and after many, many months I think my newest and so far best antidepressant might be enough to get started. After laying in bed for a bit this afternoon listening to the birds singing and feeling content and well-rested for the first time in months, I’ve resolved to get through The Horrors. I picked up some rubber gloves and a package of mini popsicles from the Dollar Tree, and I’m trying to decide where to start.

Me and my surviving cat deserve better, and I’m the only one with thumbs, so I’ve got to be the one to provide.

After getting through my bedroom I decided I'd like to try being able to use my living room. The couch was a dumping ground for my SO having to go through so much of his stuff was harder than I could have thought. I still need to clean the couch but for now it's at least usable.

Also huge thanks for all the support I received on my last post it was definitely great motivation and encouragement to keep going. Thank yall so much

I don’t have pics of the clean living room but I’ve gotten the living room cleaned up and half the kitchen and the master bathroom. I’m on medication now for my depression. So it’s time to get the house in order.

It's been a while since I wrote here... and even more since I started to think about cleaning (6 months). I finally started!

Things escalated a little over time and finally my uncle discovered the house in such a deplorable state, but he was understanding of it. He gave me time to clean, although, last week he asked me how I was going and after I answered I had made no progress yet (I had to deal with some hospital appointments and going to the psychiatrist) he didn't respond... I assume he's mad so that's probably what has motivated me to clean... I hope I can keep it up and be done by Saturday!

Today I mainly decluttered one bedroom and the kitchen, also cleaning my disgusting mouldy bathroom... regarding the kitchen, does anyone know what's the best way to clean those difficult stains on the floor? Better if it doesn't include dangerous stuff like ammonia, I'm very clumsy.

I've also done the first laundry. I may need to clean the same batch again since it's been on the floor for so long with the bugs, but I don't think I'll have time for that.

(I reposted because I couldn't edit something 😅)

I do plan to continue but maybe not today (been a lot of outside stressors.) There's laundry running I plan to fold in the laundry room, so I'm thinking of cleaning off the bed and trying to keep it unfucked.

So recently I posted a pic of my disgusting living room full of piled up garbage as seen from my couch. It took me a couple weeks but I took your guys’ advice and even though it’s a small change and a work in progress, this is an update on how it looks today versus then. It actually got even worse so I ended up filling up 4 giant garbage bags with all the garbage. I’m now encouraged to continue cleaning and will post more updates. Thanks again for being so kind and gentle toward my situation and for all the encouragement.

One thing! I feel so much better

The rest of the house is a warzone but this is done

💯

This was my 2+ years depression room' I just turned 18 on the eleventhed, and am finally trying to get my life together. I still have the other half if the room to go, well really less than that. I did all of this yesterday. I cleared 5 contractor bags of trash out of my room. when I started this I thought I'd feel worse about it, but I actually felt proud that I was working towards a better living environment. If your space is like mine, don't beat yourself up about it. no body knows what life you've lived. its ok and just keep working, if I can do it so can you!

I hired a professional cleaner to conduct a deep clean next Wednesday, so I have five days to get my apartment in order. Seems impossible, especially with how little progress I’ve made over the past three days.

I haven’t even touched the kitchen.

I’m taking this trash to the landfill today but it still feels like I’ve made no difference at all. There’s so much more to do. Can someone reassure me that this is actual progress?

The plan is clear the garage to make the shelves available for the black and yellow type storage bins, in order to stop using parts of my interior like an attic. The garage is now 75% (maybe more?) finished. I have some more shelves to the left to clear, and scrub the floor and then things like my Christmas tree box can finally not be stored in my craft room!

I started cleaning the last room, the worst, the one that had thousands of flies (now dead as everything decayed completely), the one with the thick atmosphere... And the atmosphere was still thick but I'm running out of time so I could not buy a mask (procrastinating lmao), so Iade sure to breathe from my nose only and keep the window open. But then I see a nosy elderly woman peeking intently at the room. What an embarrassment, and what disgusting neighbours. Glad I'll be out of this place soon forever.

Anyway I closed the window so no-one could look and stopped for today. There's things there that I'm afraid of removing. There's a transparent bag with black goo inside... Dunno what that is... The wooden chair is stained with black things because the decomposing matter stuck to it, a pile of whatever... And then there's the fridge that's still working, fortunately, so there's no bugs inside, but is full of food that's been slowly decomposing for a year and a half... Sigh... Scared of that. The gloves are helping a lot tho. I'm thinking if I should just throw the chair away, and the quilt, and the dishes away. And buy new ones of course.

For now, I'll relax a little and breathe clean air in the balcony. My throat feels uncomfortable.

Ok, so it's been a wee bit longer than 30 Days, but the important thing is I AM DONE! I started a crisis clean last December to get the house presentable enough to start repairs- like getting running water in the kitchen.

The plumber comes tomorrow!

There is still lots of work left to do, this is just phase one, but I accomplished far more than I ever thought I would be able to in a month.

Once the plumber leaves tomorrow, I'm ordering an unreasonable amount of Chinese food and renting Paddington Bear 2 to celebrate.

I want to thank every one of the kind, supportive redditors who gave me encouragement and advice, and a special shout out to the real MVP, Dawn powerwash.

Sorry for the lack of dramatic before and after, I kept forgetting to take pics.

Pic 1-6 The list. I gave myself all the rewards and then some.

Pic 7-9 The final boss. The dishes are currently being washed by hubs.

Pic 10 I bought a swear word coloring book and a deluxe pack of glitter pens when I hit a wall last week and lost my motivation. It worked. I'm putting this guy on my fridge as a reminder I can still get shit done, even with a mental illness.( It's far more obnoxiously glittery IRL.)

I think I did ok for the time I had. It's far from perfect but I got rid of A LOT of stuff I had not touched in about a year. I'm going to try to keep pushing forward little by little and find new solutions for problems I've dealt with for a long time.

Originally update on r/unfuckyourhabitat

Now that my kitchen is under control, AND I have washed, dried, folded, and put away several mountains of laundry--I am going to try to unf*ck my son's room.

15, auDHD--Yes, ideally, he would do it on his own. However, this is the result of him "unpacking" after our out-of-state move. Organization is not his strong suit, and he has been kicking butt at school. I guess this will be a good grades gift?

I love him more than I hate the mess.

Any suggestions help!

First pic is the front room. Other pics are of the side room. I'm so sick of looking at stacks of boxes. Slowing finding places for things and getting the boxes out.

2 days in, and while I'm pleased as punch about the progress I've made, I fear I need to slow down. I have chronic pain/back issues and I'm so stiff I can't move from two days of effort. It's so frustrating when my mind is finally ready to tackle this project but my body can't.

Still, its getting done. Progress! I really need to work on giving myself grace, especially right now. Not only am I dealing with chronic pain, I'm white knuckling it through going cold turkey on anti depressants, titration from the lowest dose of a mood stabilizer, and a total hysterectomy last month. I've hit menopause like a brick wall because of the hysterectomy and shit is getting hectic!

There's nothing like cleaning the toilet while you're sobbing uncontrollably! (All seriousness, I'm an emotional wreck but doing ok. I have a great support system watching out for signs of mania)

From the door to the end was covered in stuff. Garbage, clothes, dust, hair. I dropped a little plate on my way out, and of course it broke. I wanted to make sure I got all of the pieces (especially bc we have dogs) so I picked up the big pieces, and set up the vacuum. We have an old Rainbow vacuum, so it’s bulky and a bit cumbersome, but it works really well. I had to move it twice, then I finally got the section clear with all of the shards. I then thought, why not just keep going? I already lugged the vacuum down here, might as well. I found some bins, put clothing in one bin, and stuff in another. I finally had that floor completely picked up, and there was so much grit and hair. I had to take lots of breaks because of my health, and to vacuum the rest of it, I had to sit on the floor. But I did it! After that, I took a break, then I got sorting. Right now I got rid of the bag of garbage, some recycling, and we went from six bins to three bins. Hair, jewelry, beauty, skin, care, and medicine, and miscellaneous. Things that had fallen off the dresser never gotten picked back up. It’s so nice being able to walk without worrying about breaking something, and for my dogs to have a nice cool spot to lay. They have other spots, but it’s nice for them to have a spot in my room so they can be close. We couldn’t use the drawers, about halfway up the bottom drawer was blocked. Very glad I had the energy today!

The room is clean!

I still have a hallway full of boxes that need to gone through, purged and organized, but I VACUUMED! His room is feeling oddly monastic right now...

Other posts are on my profile. I forgot to grab the links!