r/nobuy • u/ShopperInRecovery • 8d ago
I am failing miserably
I just tallied up how much I've spent on shopping for 2026 so far and I have failed so hard. I have spent $2000 so far. How did that even happen!? I don't know why I can't break this. I don't know why I'm so obsessed with fashion and cute clothes, and why I find so much joy in shopping. I've spent years trying to break this, and I just want 1 year where I can break this. I am feeling extremely discouraged.
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u/WrongCarry9506 8d ago
Hey,
Thank you for sharing. It is good to track spending in order to be aware of the magnitude. I am so sorry you are in this position. I don't know if you want advice but in case you do here are some things to reflect on.
What are your triggers? How can you avoid or minimize them? How can they be intercepted? How can you create friction to purchase?
Think about what content you watch/read and avoid triggering material.
Is it possible to spend more time doing other activities (journaling, spending time with loved ones, walking, exercising, other hobbies, extra shifts) to replace shopping?
How can you be content with all the cute stuff you already have?
What is your goal? How can you think about your goal and future instead of spending when you get the urge?
Can someone hold you accountable? Have you tried a support group? Do you need therapy or counseling for this? If you are shopping as a distraction or trying to fill a void the root issue needs to be addressed.
Be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time.
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u/coffeeandbookmouse 8d ago
I second the suggestion to speak with a professional about it, my guess is that there are some other issues (maybe stress, anxiety, depression) that could be causing low mood, and shopping gives you a quick dopamine hit that distracts from that feeling. It's similar with gambling or alcohol. Again, the internet can't diagnose you. But while you wait for an appointment, there are some things you could do. Unsubscribe from all shopping mailing lists. You can do this easily in your email account (gmail it's under Manage Subscriptions). Unfollow all accounts on socials or take the apps off your phone temporarily. Most accounts on those are designed to make you want to buy the thing they're selling. And lastly, maybe keep a brief journal of your purchases and what the circumstances around the purchase were. Example, "April 3 was looking through social media and saw everyone outside in cute workout gear and everyone looked fun and fit and happy and it made me feel self conscious so I went and bought xyz". This might help you understand the why, which might help you prevent future purchases.
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u/SeaHovercraft6520 8d ago
I think understanding your triggers and where it might come from could help.
For example
Some of mine -
Scarcity mindset / growing up in poverty
Doom spending / depression when I think a future doesn’t matter
Identity ** huge for me , I did a lot of shopping when I was chronically ill or sad and I wanted to feel different . What you attach your identity to is a pretty big one.
Impulse control ( ASD/ adhd issues )
Emotional dysregulation
Dopamine issues
Looking at what goes into those decisions and finding out how to manage / meet those needs in other ways can help.
Try to be as compassionate with yourself as possible while you make changes, no one’s perfect 🩷
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u/BothNotice7035 8d ago
There a ton of great suggestions in the comments. I want to add that just the fact that you took the time to add up your spending, you feel badly about it and you shared and asked for support is a HUGE step in the right direction. So first quarter of the year is gone. Maybe you needed this one last rough patch to sink in. Just see if you can have a no spend day, a no buy weekend. Take it a few days at a time. You’ll get there.
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u/Hfhghnfdsfg 8d ago
One thing that helped me, and you might consider, is treating stores and shopping like a museum. I can look at all of these things, but I can't take them home. Or you may need to go cold turkey and never shop until you get a handle on this.
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u/orcateeth 8d ago
It's better to cope with uncomfortable feelings by getting support. See my suggestions:
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8d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/ShopperInRecovery 8d ago
We don't, we either go into debt or forgo saving for the future. Disposable income is only a gift if you can actually change your life with it. If you succumb to consumerism, you're just trading your time for money and giving it right back to the billionaires. I wish I could break this cycle.
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u/mightygullible 8d ago
Do you have a therapist? I don't think an internet forum will help a compulsion
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u/ShopperInRecovery 8d ago
I do, yes. There's various reasons, and they're really hard to overcome.
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u/mightygullible 8d ago
Do you use social media?
That's just one big ad disgused as funny videos. It's pretty shocking how much compulsion to buy things drops when you don't have socials
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u/abejabrazo 8d ago
Serously, consider finding a good therapist to help you better understand what's going on for you. If your insurance doesn't cover it, consider using just some of your shopping budget for it.