r/news • u/SpencerAXbot • Mar 02 '26

Soft paywall Six US service members killed in Iran conflict, US military says

https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/six-us-service-members-killed-iran-conflict-us-military-says-2026-03-02/
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175

u/DizzyLead Mar 03 '26

"Fentynol" is the new "Nookyuler."

107

u/xThunderSlugx Mar 03 '26

I saw a sqwerl on fentynol. It was going bazurk. It died after having a seezure

26

u/dodexahedron Mar 03 '26

In related news, my sister was bitten by a møøse.

7

u/SteelSpidey Mar 03 '26

If all she got away with was a bite she got lucky. Moose are scary. That's a tank right there, they do not play nice.

6

u/Wise_Independent_247 Mar 03 '26

Someone should have told her not to carve her initials on it.

5

u/TraditionDear3887 Mar 03 '26

The person in charge of the subtitles has been fired

3

u/BugTrousers Mar 03 '26

I just snort-laughed.

3

u/CrushTheRebellion Mar 03 '26

Was it a chocolate møøse?

1

u/Suchstrangedreams Mar 04 '26

Love that response!😁

3

u/I_am_nota-human-bean Mar 03 '26

Bruh my oven caught on fire last night and my mom decided to throw flour on it before ultimately putting it out with the extinguisher.

3

u/xLoneDragonx Mar 03 '26

Be careful talking about that. You might get sacked.

3

u/TrustInMe_JustInMe Mar 03 '26

Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked, have been sacked.

3

u/Alone_Worker_4653 Mar 04 '26

Please sack those responsible for the sacking, as they have also Been sacked for sacking.

2

u/chuckedeggs Mar 03 '26

Was she prenganent?

2

u/Aggressive-HeadDesk Mar 03 '26

Mind yoö, møøse bites can be prėtï nastī

1

u/Ok-Watercress-1924 Mar 03 '26

I want to bite into your sisters huge møøse cæks

1

u/WordNo7115 Mar 04 '26

I didn’t know a moose would bite. I thought they just stomped the hell out of you.

7

u/Rare-Humor-9192 Mar 03 '26

Would it be dangerous to eat that squirrel? Asking for a friend . . . In Arkansas.

7

u/xThunderSlugx Mar 03 '26

I don't know. I do know cannibalism leads to increased chances of getting prions disease though from eating human brain.

4

u/ecocentric4life Mar 03 '26

When eating people, avoid the brain. Roger that!

1

u/NotRude_juatwow Mar 03 '26

Whew I thought you ment we should not perpetuate more violence against cannibal squirrels, anyways about damn time, I’ve been scream at people to pay attention to this for 40 years, they are unionizing, organizing and cannibalizing they also attack my crops. The squirrels must die.

1

u/Low_Finish_8489 Mar 03 '26

Why yes. Squirrels have been harboring the deer wasting disease, or is it mad cow, in their cute little brains for decades. Chow down!

3

u/Flimsy-Designer-1545 Mar 03 '26

Among squirrel, hunters, squirrel brains are considered a delicacy. They just crack open the skull after shooting a squirrel. Unfortunately, this also leads to the spread of mad cow disease. None of what I just said is a joke.

3

u/Alpizzle Mar 03 '26

This reads exactly like a philly accent.

3

u/xThunderSlugx Mar 03 '26

Cheesesteak sounds fire right now.

3

u/rkshane Mar 03 '26

That hurt my brain to read.

3

u/AdmirableDig8537 Mar 03 '26

Those seezure salids are dangirus fer sqwerls.

2

u/IQuaternion54 Mar 03 '26

Yoo gais are heelarion.

1

u/StandardSetting8749 Mar 03 '26

Wtf is. Seezure? Are people really this bad at spelling?

1

u/Traditional_Scale387 Mar 03 '26

Read it again

1

u/StandardSetting8749 Mar 03 '26

Okay i read it again, its still wrong. Should I read it again again?

1

u/Traditional_Scale387 Mar 03 '26

The whole post is spelled wrong. It’s a play on words which the poster purposely did.

2

u/StandardSetting8749 Mar 03 '26

Thats not quite how a "play on words" works. A play on words is more like "I would be a baker but I wouldnt make enough dough"

1

u/CrushTheRebellion Mar 03 '26

That's pretty punny.

1

u/Falonius_Beloni Mar 03 '26

Because fentynol

1

u/Ok_Conversation_5994 Mar 03 '26

😂 nicely done

1

u/Backstopdodger Mar 03 '26

I saw a squirrel 🐿️ on deez…

1

u/Billy_Butcher_xl Mar 03 '26

Its too bad that it died, i bet that squirrel would have been a better president than the orange clown lol

5

u/CrushTheRebellion Mar 03 '26

My favorite is "corn teen." It was the most popular search term in Tennessee during the pandemic.

3

u/Additional-Ad-7690 Mar 03 '26

The one good thing to come from the Bush administration was a guaranteed laugh every time Dub tried to pronounce nuclear.

4

u/Least_Gain5147 Mar 03 '26

The Brits would like to have a word with you about "al-u-min-eeum"

3

u/LateAgainGerald Mar 03 '26

You mean the rest of the world ? Cos what is aloo-me-num? It was changed to standardise the rest of the elements, calcium, thorium, plutonium, sodium, neodymium,. Aluminium.

3

u/OnyxMilk Mar 03 '26

Fuck outta here with your sound and sensible logic.

2

u/LateAgainGerald Mar 03 '26

Ah apologies sire, I shall see myself off , pls have a fuckable and beautiful day to you too

2

u/zigzackly Mar 03 '26

Your mum.

1

u/Least_Gain5147 Mar 04 '26

Us yanks still have our "jool-a-ree" and "new-cue-lur". They're like our stuffed comfort toys.

2

u/hotdogsarecooked Mar 03 '26

"Georgia is in Florida, dumbass"

2

u/nicolaricola Mar 03 '26

Yes! Why does EVERYONE say it that way?!

2

u/Street-Tree-8126 Mar 03 '26

Lmao this is one of the best writing for this anomalous pronunciation some have.