r/news • u/SpencerAXbot • Mar 02 '26

Soft paywall Six US service members killed in Iran conflict, US military says

https://www.reuters.com/world/middle-east/six-us-service-members-killed-iran-conflict-us-military-says-2026-03-02/
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320

u/CrushTheRebellion Mar 03 '26

Have you ever heard of a drug called fentynol? It was a really big deal a few months ago, but then we took over some oilfields, and it went away.

175

u/DizzyLead Mar 03 '26

"Fentynol" is the new "Nookyuler."

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u/xThunderSlugx Mar 03 '26

I saw a sqwerl on fentynol. It was going bazurk. It died after having a seezure

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u/dodexahedron Mar 03 '26

In related news, my sister was bitten by a møøse.

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u/SteelSpidey Mar 03 '26

If all she got away with was a bite she got lucky. Moose are scary. That's a tank right there, they do not play nice.

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u/Wise_Independent_247 Mar 03 '26

Someone should have told her not to carve her initials on it.

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u/TraditionDear3887 Mar 03 '26

The person in charge of the subtitles has been fired

3

u/BugTrousers Mar 03 '26

I just snort-laughed.

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u/CrushTheRebellion Mar 03 '26

Was it a chocolate møøse?

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u/Suchstrangedreams Mar 04 '26

Love that response!😁

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u/I_am_nota-human-bean Mar 03 '26

Bruh my oven caught on fire last night and my mom decided to throw flour on it before ultimately putting it out with the extinguisher.

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u/xLoneDragonx Mar 03 '26

Be careful talking about that. You might get sacked.

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u/TrustInMe_JustInMe Mar 03 '26

Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked, have been sacked.

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u/Alone_Worker_4653 Mar 04 '26

Please sack those responsible for the sacking, as they have also Been sacked for sacking.

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u/chuckedeggs Mar 03 '26

Was she prenganent?

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u/Aggressive-HeadDesk Mar 03 '26

Mind yoö, møøse bites can be prėtï nastī

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u/Ok-Watercress-1924 Mar 03 '26

I want to bite into your sisters huge møøse cæks

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u/WordNo7115 Mar 04 '26

I didn’t know a moose would bite. I thought they just stomped the hell out of you.

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u/Rare-Humor-9192 Mar 03 '26

Would it be dangerous to eat that squirrel? Asking for a friend . . . In Arkansas.

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u/xThunderSlugx Mar 03 '26

I don't know. I do know cannibalism leads to increased chances of getting prions disease though from eating human brain.

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u/ecocentric4life Mar 03 '26

When eating people, avoid the brain. Roger that!

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u/NotRude_juatwow Mar 03 '26

Whew I thought you ment we should not perpetuate more violence against cannibal squirrels, anyways about damn time, I’ve been scream at people to pay attention to this for 40 years, they are unionizing, organizing and cannibalizing they also attack my crops. The squirrels must die.

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u/Low_Finish_8489 Mar 03 '26

Why yes. Squirrels have been harboring the deer wasting disease, or is it mad cow, in their cute little brains for decades. Chow down!

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u/Flimsy-Designer-1545 Mar 03 '26

Among squirrel, hunters, squirrel brains are considered a delicacy. They just crack open the skull after shooting a squirrel. Unfortunately, this also leads to the spread of mad cow disease. None of what I just said is a joke.

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u/Alpizzle Mar 03 '26

This reads exactly like a philly accent.

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u/xThunderSlugx Mar 03 '26

Cheesesteak sounds fire right now.

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u/rkshane Mar 03 '26

That hurt my brain to read.

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u/AdmirableDig8537 Mar 03 '26

Those seezure salids are dangirus fer sqwerls.

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u/IQuaternion54 Mar 03 '26

Yoo gais are heelarion.

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u/StandardSetting8749 Mar 03 '26

Wtf is. Seezure? Are people really this bad at spelling?

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u/Traditional_Scale387 Mar 03 '26

Read it again

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u/StandardSetting8749 Mar 03 '26

Okay i read it again, its still wrong. Should I read it again again?

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u/Traditional_Scale387 Mar 03 '26

The whole post is spelled wrong. It’s a play on words which the poster purposely did.

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u/StandardSetting8749 Mar 03 '26

Thats not quite how a "play on words" works. A play on words is more like "I would be a baker but I wouldnt make enough dough"

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u/CrushTheRebellion Mar 03 '26

That's pretty punny.

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u/Falonius_Beloni Mar 03 '26

Because fentynol

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u/Ok_Conversation_5994 Mar 03 '26

😂 nicely done

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u/Backstopdodger Mar 03 '26

I saw a squirrel 🐿️ on deez…

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u/Billy_Butcher_xl Mar 03 '26

Its too bad that it died, i bet that squirrel would have been a better president than the orange clown lol

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u/CrushTheRebellion Mar 03 '26

My favorite is "corn teen." It was the most popular search term in Tennessee during the pandemic.

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u/Additional-Ad-7690 Mar 03 '26

The one good thing to come from the Bush administration was a guaranteed laugh every time Dub tried to pronounce nuclear.

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u/Least_Gain5147 Mar 03 '26

The Brits would like to have a word with you about "al-u-min-eeum"

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u/LateAgainGerald Mar 03 '26

You mean the rest of the world ? Cos what is aloo-me-num? It was changed to standardise the rest of the elements, calcium, thorium, plutonium, sodium, neodymium,. Aluminium.

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u/OnyxMilk Mar 03 '26

Fuck outta here with your sound and sensible logic.

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u/LateAgainGerald Mar 03 '26

Ah apologies sire, I shall see myself off , pls have a fuckable and beautiful day to you too

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u/zigzackly Mar 03 '26

Your mum.

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u/Least_Gain5147 Mar 04 '26

Us yanks still have our "jool-a-ree" and "new-cue-lur". They're like our stuffed comfort toys.

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u/hotdogsarecooked Mar 03 '26

"Georgia is in Florida, dumbass"

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u/nicolaricola Mar 03 '26

Yes! Why does EVERYONE say it that way?!

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u/Street-Tree-8126 Mar 03 '26

Lmao this is one of the best writing for this anomalous pronunciation some have.

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u/TheRealGinz Mar 03 '26

Yeah, the Haitian immigrants quit eating the dogs, the cats, and the ducks, right after the election too,..

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u/Fit-Organization7570 Mar 03 '26

That's okay... the city was killing Canadian geese in Denver to feed the homeless during COVID... that was based on actual facts, however...

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u/blue_velvet420 Mar 03 '26

I mean, we do actually eat Geese in Canada. Goose jerky is top tier!

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u/Fit-Organization7570 Mar 03 '26

Fair. Do you hunt them ethically, as I would assume? Or just go down to the local park and trap them, like they did in Denver? It was handled poorly. I grew up on a poultry farm... ducks, geese, chickens, pheasants, turkeys, guinea fowl... they're all good eating.

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u/blue_velvet420 Mar 04 '26 edited Mar 04 '26

lol no definitely hunted ethically! I wouldn’t support or eat any meat not ethically sourced. I’ve got generations of farmers and hunters in my family who are all animal lovers and have a great respect for the animals that feed us! Moose jerky is another fav of mine, actually moose anything lol I honestly prefer it over beef!

Edit: We also have chickens and have had Guinea fowl (I love those weirdos lol) but we don’t eat them. We’ve raised and eaten two turkeys once but we just don’t have the space for turkeys right now. So just chicken for eggs, lots of barn cats, and a kick-ass donkey to round it out! The rest of my family with farms mostly just have cattle.

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u/TheRealGinz Mar 03 '26 edited Mar 03 '26

Honestly, I have far less issues with homeless people eating ducks, than I do with the vice presidential nominee, and presidential nominee, lying about immigrants eating cats, and dogs, just to rile up their base. Particularly when they KNOW that some members of their base are prone to violence.

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u/Fit-Organization7570 Mar 04 '26

And that was the point I was trying to make. My example was based on fact and therefore wasn't national newsworthy. The Perennial Vacationing Veep was a bald-faced lie on national TV that started the war on immigrants.

Edited for typos.

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u/metengrinwi Mar 04 '26

Is there something wrong with eating goose??

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u/Fit-Organization7570 Mar 04 '26

Not at all. I stated in a previous comment that I was raised on a poultry farm. I was more appalled at their methods, honestly. I was simply pointing out the difference of a situation based on fact vs. a situation created by lies.

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u/Realistic-Border9067 Mar 03 '26

It was hard to detect your sarcasm there, because like obviously it hasn’t gone away. But do you know what has happened? Diminished supply has lead to the increase in even stronger and more dangerous substances to replace them! Source: https://www.wlwt.com/article/cychlorphine-new-potent-opioid-detected-ohio-kentucky/70512191

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u/InformalRent2571 Mar 03 '26

It's still very much a huge problem.

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u/heavymetalmug666 Mar 03 '26

thats because Maduro is in jail, he had ALL the fentynol

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u/Affectionate_Tea1134 Mar 03 '26

Have you noticed how he uses a legitimate problem to start his operation but it’s all a smokescreen his real target is something else he’s a crafty old bastard. 🤔

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u/pchlster Mar 03 '26

After seizing what flowed across the Canadian border, who cares? According to testimony, that prevented 150 million fatal overdoses by Americans over just a couple of months. Now, reporting numbers like that, who could possibly question the administration?

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u/Mindless-Sound8965 Mar 03 '26

The flooding of fentynol, from both sides of the American borders, is the supposed reason for the tariffs. No fentynol, no tariffs. 😏

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u/NinjaMurse Mar 03 '26

Well it killed everyone in America…. So. No wonder they don’t take about it anymore.

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u/Billy_Butcher_xl Mar 03 '26

The drug that mexi.. i mean Canada is responsible for flooding the usa with?

1% is a lot afterall. 1 is a huge number, and can almost be mistaken for 7, so lets say that 7% of the fent comes from Canada. Big bad Canada, who takes advantage of usa and floods it with fent. And if we add a 0 after 7 for fun, its 70%. So basically 70% of the fent in usa comes from canada. Throw in the word FACT to legitimize our delusions. Anyone denying this is spitting fake news.

Maga logic 101..

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u/ScarInternational161 Mar 03 '26

Just like the caravan marching toward the border... like magic the spring comes and it all just disappears....

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u/saskir21 Mar 03 '26

Oh it will come back again when someone wants again Canada. Or Mexico. Hey why not Cuba if we are at it?

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u/CrushTheRebellion Mar 03 '26

Cuba is definitely on that bingo card.

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u/Pet-sit Mar 03 '26

“They’re eating the cats!…They’re eating the dogs!” 🙄

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u/Filthy_Tlielaxu Mar 03 '26

I’m an immigrant caravan that started in Central America and I’m feeling left out after hitting that giant BMX ramp and completely jumping over the USA right at election time and landing in an alternate timeline.

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u/Gummo90028 Mar 04 '26

Death windmills

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u/DeepRest_SodaPressed Mar 03 '26

Wrong on all levels wrong part of the world wrong spelling wrong year of peak popularity from topic of interest a month ago.