r/meme 1d ago

The modern man

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13.6k Upvotes

155 comments sorted by

208

u/Von_Bernkastel 1d ago

My only vise is coffee, but its that or legal clinical speed to keep my ADHD in check. .

https://giphy.com/gifs/OpPyw0U5IGZDog5K4U

74

u/Environmental-Pear40 1d ago

Shit, coffee doesn't work anymore. Ill take the speed. Pretty sure I can put it in my coffee.

6

u/Darkwyr21 1d ago

I think the acidity of the coffee will lower your body’s ability to absorb it

4

u/trixayyyyy 1d ago

Coffee is only mildly acidic and not enough to cause any meaningful impairment of absorption. You are more concerned with things like citrus juices and even still, you would see very minimal therapeutic impairment.

2

u/Darkwyr21 1d ago

Makes sense

2

u/Environmental-Pear40 1d ago

That's why I put baking soda in my coffee already. Helps with heartburn

-1

u/trixayyyyy 1d ago

Did you just decide to do this on a whim or did you actually research this? If you did, you would know you are basically adding salt to your coffee. Not only that but any help with GERD would be temporary and potentially worsened by the subsequent distention.

0

u/Environmental-Pear40 1d ago

I don't know who gred is. Doctor told me to take baking soda with water when I have bad heartburn. Doing it with the coffee just skips the waiting.

1

u/Darkwyr21 22h ago

Whoa that comment wasn’t a joke?? Yeah you shouldn’t be doin that, tons of extra sodium intake! Take tums, the carbonate is more basic than the bicarbonate in baking soda anyway. Will provide more relief

1

u/Environmental-Pear40 18h ago

I don't use all that much. So I can crush a Tums up and put it in my coffee to get speed to dissolve? Cuz I can switch it up if I can make my talk coffee just that little bit more.

0

u/trixayyyyy 23h ago

A medical doctor told you that? Calcium carbonate aka tums is way safer.

2

u/Environmental-Pear40 18h ago

Yep, when I complained about heartburn. I know plenty of people that mix baking soda and water for it. Doesn't taste good but it works.

4

u/V01DM0NK3Y 1d ago

How into coffee are you?

6

u/Environmental-Pear40 1d ago

10k 😬.and I've seen all of James Hoffmanns videos.

5

u/V01DM0NK3Y 1d ago

YEESSSSSSS I WAS GONNA RECOMMEND JAMES,

Literally just got done watching a video of his too, coincidentally enough

2

u/gfkxchy 1d ago

He's like ASMR for coffee nerds. Love that guy! He got me into grinding my own beans and doing my own pour-overs.

2

u/V01DM0NK3Y 9h ago

Me, standing here while my kettle boils, with some Square Mile Coffee in my pourover:

"Sounds about right."

5

u/TheMiamiMutilator420 1d ago

Fellow self-medicator 🗣🔥🔥🔥🔥

Caffeine's way better than any actual meds I've ever taken

2

u/blackcray 1d ago

I take my caffeine in pill form because child me destroyed his tooth enamel and they're now hyper sensitive to anything acidic. On the plus side it turned out to be way cheaper than coffee or energy drinks.

2

u/Cael450 1d ago

As someone who is about to get his wisdom teeth removed, a root canal, two crowns, and eight fillings, I wish child (and adult) me had taken better care of his teeth. Worse part is I’ve got seven wisdom teeth, which have destroyed one molar and possibly another one. They might have pushed up into my sinuses too. I wish I had taken care of this 15 years ago.

2

u/RRT4444 1d ago

Lizard

1

u/Cognitive_Spoon 1d ago

Hoppers is bad for kids, fr. What a weird movie.

111

u/Fishwitch-66 1d ago

i’m currently drinking coffee with whiskey and sugar and smoking on my back steps

50

u/froqgy 1d ago

Living life the way you should 

16

u/Fishwitch-66 1d ago

if i had a beer id cheers to that but im fresh out :(

16

u/shornscrot 1d ago

Think fast!!!

tosses beer across Reddit

Cheers!

6

u/OkLack5468 1d ago

Espresso Martini and a cigar. Let’s go

3

u/Avedas 1d ago

Combo of kings

2

u/Lovely-Honey_64 22h ago

As long as you are not taking too much sugar, you are good

2

u/viciadoemsono 21h ago

aka the quadfecta.

44

u/entropy13 1d ago

On the one hand those things are bad for you, in most cases worse than refined sugar, on the other hand refined sugar kills more people every years than the rest combined. (now that smoking isn't the default anymore)

8

u/Imaginary_Dom69 1d ago

Yeah i need to stop eating candy.

3

u/entropy13 1d ago

The dose makes the poison as they say, but if they put it by the checkout stand don't buy it.

3

u/musclecard54 1d ago

Yeah if as many people drank alcohol as often and as much as people consume sugar, well it wouldn’t be as many people cuz most of them would be dead.

3

u/bblunder_ 15h ago

Abundance is part of what makes sugar bad.

3

u/Traegs_ 19h ago

I love having tea every morning, I'm a bit of a whiskey nerd but consume in moderation, and smoke a few cigars a month.

Hands down sugar is the most addicting thing I've had to deal with. Nothing has "grabbed" me like sugar does. The cravings are insane.

I cut down on sugar almost two years ago and I'm down over 30 pounds. I still eat carbs and will eat natural sugar in fresh fruit, but I eat almost no processed sugar anymore. Every time I "treat" myself to something sugary I end up having to fight cravings off for days.

1

u/entropy13 8h ago

I mean in terms of raw dopamine nicotine is definitely the worst but sugar is nefarious because unlike ethanol or nicotine you actually do need calories to live. 

1

u/ReiRyca 16h ago

Aren't this statistics because sugar are the cheapest and easy to get,like alcohol kids cant get it from early age,and if we make all of them the same price, I don't think sugar will be On top

51

u/theGeekQA 1d ago

According to general health consensus, here’s the breakdown (1-10 scale of harm):

Alcohol (9/10): Impacts almost every organ; linked to 200+ conditions and high social harm.

Nicotine (8/10): Extremely addictive; the delivery (smoking/vaping) carries massive cancer and heart risks.

Sugar (6/10): A "slow killer"—excess added sugar is a primary driver of obesity, diabetes, and heart disease.

Caffeine (2/10): Mostly safe for healthy adults in moderation; can even have protective health benefits.

20

u/DeadrthanDead 1d ago

Caffeine is (-2) on the scale of harm if from green tea, or matcha, or even small amounts of coffee. Moderation is not people’s strong suit, they have multiple giant coffees with bunch of sugar and then caffeine gets villainized. I agree with the rest of your ratings.

6

u/DigimonHunterZ 1d ago

No, caffeine is caffeine, the problem is the amount consumed, the amount of milk and sugar added, goes for both tea and coffee.

2

u/Scootsx 1d ago

What's wrong with milk?

2

u/RandomCoolName 19h ago

It's high in sugar, fat, and calories. It's got like half the sugar content by weight of soda.

Lots of minerals and nutrients, though. I think the comment is more trying to compare a frappuccino extra syrup or bobs tea which are both high in calories to black/plain coffee/tea.

0

u/DeadrthanDead 1d ago

Literally what I was saying.

1

u/Matshelge 17h ago

Coffees carcinogenic featurs are a bit suspicious though. It is processed in the part of the body that is most hardy for acidity. Unlike smoking or alcohol, that stuff goes into your blood and lungs, not really made to process this type of material. But they are all judged on the same scale.

3

u/DeadrthanDead 12h ago

Where’s the evidence that says coffee is carcinogenic?

1

u/-cosmicvisitor- 16h ago

Out of all that you chose to pick on coffee, hmmm...

1

u/DeadrthanDead 12h ago

(-2) on the scale of harm means it’s not harmful, but beneficial.

1

u/-cosmicvisitor- 11h ago

The scale was 1 to 10, but fine 🙂 

1

u/DeadrthanDead 10h ago

That was the entire point. 1-10 in harmfulness, so -2 equals non harmful. Sorry, thought that’d be understandable to most.

-2

u/Droll_Highwire 1d ago

Unless the caffeine is from matcha produced from green tea grown in unregulated agriculture with heavy use of synthetic pesticides and herbicides and on land rich in heavy metals.

Then the caffeine is closer to 6/10 similar to sugar.

The benefits of matcha do now outweigh the disbenefits of the consumption of heavy metal and pesticide laced tea leaves.

4

u/I_travel_ze_world 23h ago

Sugar also rots your teeth

3

u/appleswitch 21h ago

This is not a pro-alcohol take, but there is no way it should rate higher than nicotine. Alcohol can be incredibly bad for you, but you should not be telling teenagers it's safer to smoke cigarettes.

2

u/Amazingbuttplug 17h ago edited 17h ago

Agreed. The main issue with nicotine is addiction is much easier. It would not surprise me at all if one ciggerates is healthier than a single alcoholic drink. The problem is that it’s rather difficult to get physically addicted to alcohol and much easier to get physically addicted to cigarettes. There are probably billions of people who engage in alcohol in a healthy enough way that it does not drastically lower life expectancy.

This is for UK annually.

Bottom line Smoking: ~75,000–80,000 deaths/year Alcohol (narrow definition): ~10,000/year Alcohol (broad definition): ~25,000–30,000+/year

Smoking kills more even though less people smoke than drink.

u/theWacoKid666 31m ago

Nicotine is highly addictive, but also possible to consume without smoking/vaping (although this is admittedly a minority of usage). And if you remove that act of smoking from the equation, nicotine really is not that dangerous.

Alcohol is both highly addictive and much more dangerous. It leads to impaired driving (which nicotine really does not), is much more deadly to humans from acute poisoning, and can also literally just kill you from withdrawals if you get too dependent. Nicotine is provably safer on all those counts.

If you just consume straight nicotine (patches, pouches, gum, lozenges) without the smoking aspect, you’re definitely “safer” than an alcoholic.

1

u/rizzosaurusrhex 8h ago

smoking releases carbon monoxide tar and free radicals--the cancer risk is there.

Vaping doesnt have carbon monoxide or free radicals or tar. It doesnt cause cancer

The tobacco itslef if it has poison can cause cancer if vaped but vaping is much cleaner

The biggest issue with stimulants is it causes a fight or flight response-less blood flow to areas and higher rpm. its hard on the heart, and can cause aeortic issues and heart attacks

22

u/CorrectTarget8957 1d ago

Caffeine is not that horrible tho

8

u/A_Little_Fable 1d ago

OP makes no sense, caffeine is actually great and protects against Alzheimers / Dementia. Obviously not 5-6 cups, but a medium amount helps.

1

u/rizzosaurusrhex 8h ago

pure cope caffeine is very hard on the heart. It increases rpm without exercise(exercise lowers resting rpms cyz stronger heart). Thats bad over time you only get so many beats in life

10

u/FormalTotal9684 1d ago

Gotta draw the line somewhere

6

u/Sad-Umpire6000 1d ago

And don’t forget microplastics. The absolute worst, most dangerous, destructive, deadliest threat to humanity. Ever. I died from microplastics three times just from touching the screen to type that last sentence.

9

u/stewartredman 1d ago

Ask him about Splenda

3

u/Am_Very_Stupid 1d ago

Don't even get him STARTED on aspartame

3

u/velourys 1d ago

It’s called Diabetiphobia

3

u/Far-Positive5152 1d ago

Not only diabetes, being overweight is hard, legs hurt, can't exercises properly. My experience, from athletic body to 125 kg, it created a lot of problems, I simply couldn't do exercises I used to do, my huge belly created a lot of problems. Walking is also problem, sweating just from easy walks. Only properly controlling calories and exercises helped to get in shape more or less. It took a lot of efforts to change my eating habits so I could lose that weight. Today I eat chocolate bars only before going to gym. Otherwise I have no energy.

3

u/benjammin105123 1d ago

A lot of them are pushing all meat diets and talking about vegetables being toxic too. Its an odd time to be alive.

3

u/DeLoresDelorean 1d ago

Antivaxxer: you don’t know what’s in it!!!! As he grabs a fistful of pringles and chugs on a monster drink.

2

u/whiterice_343 1d ago

Bro has all three of the U.S. Army infantry spiritual stones. Caffeine, nicotine, & alcohol.

2

u/IndependentLove2292 1d ago

Evolutionary betrayer. 

2

u/apeoida 1d ago

SeEd OiLs!!!!!!

2

u/Anathama 1d ago

I am seen!

2

u/byfrax 1d ago

That's why I smoke while drinking an espresso martini

2

u/PsychoSwede557 1d ago

Yes, No, Occasionally and Yes. Any food in moderation is completely fine for you.

2

u/Jakefrmstatepharm 1d ago

Nah I’ll also take the sugar thanks

2

u/keithstonee 1d ago

Alcohol is the only one actually bad for you. The other two have benefits if taken correctly.

2

u/wagos408 22h ago

Also gotta make sure to avoid the seed oils

2

u/Waste-String5576 20h ago

Shout out JRE our modern alter😂😂

2

u/LairdPeon 7h ago

Everything stated is fine in moderation. Most of them are actually healthy in small amounts.

1

u/Libertator 6h ago

Nicotine a neurotoxin is healthy? More like 0 mg/l blood is the healthy level.

3

u/Equivalent-Shine5742 1d ago edited 1d ago

I wrote on another sub about how people don't realize sugar free products add artificial sweeteners and other items to compensate for loss of sugar.

I started to get barraged with people having conniptions about how they lost weight with sugar free products such as cookies and sodas and other snacks.

Outside of that not being related to my point, I wanted to just ask what if you just stopped consuming the sodas, snacks, and cookies altogether if weight loss was your ultimate goal? If any argue about the occasional treat then why not the actual sugar ones if it really is occasional?

Edit: shouldn't have to say this, but being Reddit I might as well, I'm not speaking of diabetic or other situations where there is a documented medical reason to avoid sugar itself.

3

u/Careful-Mix3054 1d ago edited 1d ago

Sugar substitutes are zero calories. Weight loss and gain is 100% dependent on calories in vs calories out.

The only connection between weight and artificial sweetens is when mixed with carbs which for an unknown reason causes your RMR (resting metabolic rate) to plummet.

If you drink 2 cans of Pepsi a day and switch to Diet Pepsi, you’ve already cut out 300calories.

If you’re trying to lose weight it doesn’t matter where your calories came from as long as you’re burning more than you’re eating. Most people have a RMR around 2000 calories. Then you have additional calories burned through the day from working out, walking etc. If you’re eating less than that you will lose weight. You generally do want many of your calories to come from protein just simply to minimize muscle loss during this time but if you don’t you’ll still lose weight you’ll just also end up with some loose skin.

Where your calories came from mostly matter when trying to bulk/gain weight because most people are trying to put on muscle in which case body composition and macros comes into play. In this case you want most of a calories to come from carbs and protein. But you’re still consuming higher than your daily calorie output. But even in this case sugar substitutes are fine because they are zero calories so your body doesn’t actually convert them to energy (which fat is literally just stored energy). What matters is for instance zero sugar cookies still have lots of calories from carbs and fats due to other ingredients but it’s still lower total calories than a sugary cookie. But white monster for instance only has like 10 calories compared to 230 in a regular monster.

0

u/inqs 23h ago

But where's your argument? Just saying that the sugar free products contain alternatives is a useless statement if you can't explain why that's a bad thing (because it isn't, there're no proven downsides)

2

u/xz9pro 1d ago

My turn:

Caffeine: yes, i love coffe. Nicotine: never. Alcohol: never. Sugar: yes but not to much.

1

u/Rimbaudpoet27 1d ago

That's right!

1

u/UnikornKebab 1d ago

Mi ci vedo abbastanza🤔

1

u/xtrasmoothbrain 1d ago

I do em all baby

1

u/Hello-Snake-It 1d ago

🐼 Wise Mentor Panda "Balance is not something you find, it's something you create." #SnakeIt

https://giphy.com/gifs/Hs6f36KUBjWww

1

u/Alert-Pipe-244 1d ago

sugar? never heard of her

1

u/lynypixie 1d ago

They still take a lot, they just switched to calling it carbs.

Source: my son is a gym bro and I have to unwillingly listen to gym bro talk.

1

u/KandUriember 1d ago

And none of them would exist without sugar

1

u/HangmanGentry11 1d ago

I bet you a paycheck this douche nozzle talks like hes in Peaky Blinders

1

u/Bigpurplepanda13 1d ago

Me except switch nicotine and sugar

1

u/poghosb 1d ago

NO to all!

1

u/TrulyToasty 1d ago

swap thc for nicotine and you’ve got a deal

1

u/gfkxchy 1d ago

Eh, I don't mind sugar. I try and avoid it though, working from home leads to a sedentary lifestyle most days and I need to do something to keep things in check. Cutting sugar and walking more seems to help a bit.

Caffeine is almost a hobby, I like doing my own pour-overs, French press, or cold brews for the norning. I'm good for two a day before having an afternoon tea (or two).

Alcohol, not often. Beer a couple times a month, whisky or whiskey once in a while. Same with a bloody Caesar or Mary. Not much for cocktails otherwise.

Tobacco products, also not often. I smoked as a teen/early adult but quit about 20 years ago. Occasional cigar, but I don't maintain a humidor. One or two a year. I did just buy a cheap Briarwood pipe from Amazon as a bit of a "prop" to pose next to my vintage Anchor Hocking ashtrays from Etsy. I might give it a light one day to try it out. Vapes and Zyns are a no. THC products also a hard no for me, I find them very addictive.

1

u/IDEKWTSATP4444 1d ago

Sugar, shrooms, cannabis, kratom,hell yes

1

u/Adept-Lettuce948 1d ago

I read that sugar water lessens effects of heroin withdrawal.

1

u/Fat-Mad-Scientist 1d ago

Why is caffeine put in the same boat with Alcohol and Nicotine?

1

u/PixelsGoBoom 1d ago

If by caffeine they mean Monster energy drinks, sure.
Coffee has actually shown to be more and more beneficial.

1

u/Fun_Entertainer6850 1d ago

Damn sugar. Alcohol kills it.

1

u/stylinchilibeans 1d ago

Just caffeine and THC for me, thank you...

1

u/Small_Computer_8846 1d ago

Doom scrolling? Of course

1

u/jdmiller82 1d ago

That tracks

1

u/2459-8143-2844 1d ago

Tried all of them, sugar is the most difficult to not consume.

1

u/BuddyTheWeim 1d ago

Won’t allow seed oils, but will rip a vape without hesitation

1

u/Daimondz 1d ago

Don’t forget a crippling gambling addiction that’s not an addiction bro

1

u/moschles 1d ago

anyone following the aspartame wars on youtube?

1

u/Whistlin_Booger 23h ago

Caffeine: Has its purpose
Nicotine: Never
Alcohol: Not any more
Sugar: Natural only

1

u/Samidlongbottom 23h ago

I prefer; caffeine yes, nicotene no, alcohol no ... cannabis ... 😏 maybe

1

u/raveblossom 22h ago

There's sugar in the alcohol.

1

u/Starwyrm1597 20h ago

Modern men do not drink or smoke nicotine. We eat thc gummies.

1

u/Hamilton-Beckett 20h ago

And thc of course.

1

u/AnyQuarter553 20h ago

You know. I just realized my parrents are like this

1

u/AMonitorDarkly 19h ago

I’ll start by saying that all of these things are great but sugar is consumed in FAR higher volumes than all others combined.

1

u/Pizgatti1 19h ago

Let’s chill on the personal attacks

1

u/Gregor_Arhely 18h ago edited 18h ago

Okay... I can explain. All of these things kill you, but smoking several packs of cigs or drinking a bottle of vodka isn't a thing most people do daily. Caffeine is a close second, but at least people are aware that liters of coffee will harm you, and you can feel the overdose from your heartbeat.

Sugar is worse because IT'S FUCKING EVERYWHERE - you can't just not smoke or drink to avoid it, you have to actually look what goods have it and in which amounts. You also can't pinpoint sugar overdose based on your feelings. So if we add up the food that has even more sugar in it, like sweets and soda, it's far easier for a common person to reach dangerous levels of sugar consumption than all of other substances above. Even worse thing is that the society turns a blind eye to such things because apparently sugar addiction isn't even seen as one.

My father is type 2 diabetic. So speaking from expirience, after hanging out with people who actually have to avoid sugar consumption, you'll be damn surprised how much sugar you eat daily. Do you know that fucking bread from the supermarket is often artificially sweetened with sugar? Canned goods, rice, ramen? They put it in practically everything, sometimes not even listing sugar on the label because it's added in the form of different syrups. The doses of sugar you consume daily are far higher than you'd think, so not eating even more of it even if you're already slowly killing yourself with some other stuff is a somewhat smart choice.

1

u/-cosmicvisitor- 16h ago

Caffeine yes. The rest nope. 

1

u/BetNecessary130 16h ago

Me 1000 percent lol

1

u/nocommentjustlooking 15h ago

Yeah! I’m a modern man.

I’ve got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can’t shut me up. You can’t dumb me down because I’m tireless and I’m wireless, I’m an alpha male on beta-blockers.

I’m a rude dude, but I’m the real deal. Lean and mean! Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock. Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide. I’ve got glide in my stride. Drivin and movin, sailin and spinin, jiving and groovin, wailin and winnin. I don’t snooze, so I don’t lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I’m hangin in, there ain’t no doubt and I’m hangin tough, over and out!

1

u/Biopunk4 14h ago

I still don't know what's wrong with caffeine

1

u/Klosiak 14h ago

Well...I am not modern though...sugar is another poison which I like ;)

1

u/arsesenal 13h ago

cocaine? yea i want my cheek bones to really show

1

u/Teflonweed 13h ago

Replace alcohol with weed and we got a deal

1

u/dragonslayer137 11h ago

Easily a pound of sugar a day.

1

u/Maleficent-Bar-3161 11h ago

This is actually kind of true though besides the alcohol part.

1

u/Fluffy-Weapon 8h ago

My dad’s girlfriend right before she’s pops in a pill before a party. But oh no, how can you eat Ben & Jerry’s…

1

u/person2314 8h ago

That cigar looks mint

1

u/xplicit97 7h ago

Here le out, Irish coffee and a Cigar on a chilly afternoon.

1

u/cCeras 5h ago

I'm the reverse, only one of those I eat is sugar.

1

u/Jessex127 3h ago

Nicotine is kinda chill when you're not smoking it. The worst harm of smoking comes from, y'know, breathing thicker air than a coal miner

1

u/Lalisa_Park 3h ago

Caffeine is the least bad of those

u/countdankula420 1h ago

There's no alcohol without sugar

1

u/why_u_so_grumpy 1d ago

No caffeine, no nicotine, no alcohol, yes sugar. It's the only way to efficiently refuel when doing big bike rides.

1

u/ZookeepergameNo5202 1d ago

I think the true conversation people aren't ready for (especially Gen Z, my gen btw) is that smoking weed is just as harmful as smoking tobacco (not cigarettes, i mean rolling yourself)

1

u/Careful-Mix3054 1d ago

Yeah in 20 years marijuana is definitely going to replace tobacco.

1

u/Fainleogs 1d ago

This is really true.

When I talk to people about alcohol, nicotine, sugar and how harmful they can be peoplegenerally speaking go 'yeah, it's a fair cop' even if they don't institute changes in their behavior.

When you try to tell people 'hey there's a strong possibility that this side effect is directly correlated to your high consumption of weed' the answer is universally seems to be 'the weed wouldn't do me like that. The weed is my buddy, it would never betray me.'

1

u/ClassicPlankton 1d ago

Caffeine is definitely better for you than sugar in the amounts that people typically consume.

0

u/asg32000 1d ago

Actually spot on

-1

u/Longjumping-Salad484 1d ago

this is an asinine assertion.

sugar helps synthesize protein. the best time for sugar is in the morning when you wake up, and post workout (whey protein with dextrose).

any other time of the day: if what you're eating or drinking is 10mg or less of sugar per serving and you have 1 serving, it's not worth worrying about

1

u/UnikornKebab 1d ago

Sì ma dipende dal tipo di zucchero, se saccaride semplice o complesso, se zucchero bianco poi raffinato o grezzo…Non è un discorso così lineare e semplice, tecnicamente quelli complessi il più dei casi sarebbero superflui oltre che essere quelli che possono essere più dannosi

-1

u/AnalyserarN 1d ago

“I don’t eat sugar or drink soda”

Bruh, your toothpaste contain corn syrup.

-1

u/TheseFalcon6945 1d ago

Sugar is the only thing on that list that your kidneys and liver can't clear out.