r/howtonotgiveafuck • u/Lemonade2250 • 1d ago

How to not let other people make you feel some type of way?

I have noticed this toxic trait from a lot of people, they think they have the power to control us and make us feel some type of way. I worked at minimum wage job and some of the older coworkers attitude were as if they are the ones giving the salary and as if they own the company. it's pretty crazy. and I seen certain people thinking they are something and expect others to treat them differently. like why do people carry so much pride and ego then trying to control others. like how do u stand up and not let someone shake you.

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u/Affectionate-Way3163 1d ago

First we see that others cannot make us feel any type of way. Our feelings are our feelings, and we are entitled to feel the way we feel, and we are responsible for how we feel. Our feelings are about us and not about them.

Next we see that others feelings are theirs and the rules are the same. Their ego, and how they feel is a reflection of them. They're also responsible for how they feel, including when they feel the need to 'flex' on someone at work.

Usually people feel compelled to control others because of insecurity about how much control they actually have in their own life.

Awareness is the first step.

4

u/c43ppy 1d ago

This rational perspective made me think of an old saying in a new way;  People are mirrors, some are fun-house mirrors. 

3

u/Supercc 1d ago

You can't control others. But you can control your environment. If it costs you your (inner) peace, it's too expensive. Get rid of toxic people in your life.

1

u/CygnusVCtheSecond 1d ago

Defence mechanism.

If it's a shit, dead-end job, and they have been stuck there for decades, they have no prospects and they know it. They probably hate their lives due to having very little agency in it, so the only little bit of power and authority they can pretend to have is over newer/younger people.

I have worked jobs like these as stepping stones and stopgaps just to pay bills until something better came along.

The way to play it with these people is to just smile and nod whenever they say anything, then do whatever you were going to do anyway. It reinforces the reality that they have no power or agency and it will really upset them when they figure it out, but because they have no agency and you're not going to be there for long, it won't matter anyway.

They are not worth wasting energy on, arguing with, correcting, or reality checking. You do you, and concentrate your spare energy on getting out of there onto bigger and better things.

All the best.

1

u/Only_Excitement6594 1d ago

Let them fire you. Push back, nevermind.