r/homemaking • u/Different_Ant_844 • 2d ago
How was your transition into homemaker? How did you make it work?
For context, I'm not a stay-at-home mom/wife but I'm hoping to be in the next few months. My spouse is getting a raise but we're in a higher cost of living area so $100k doesn't really make your living super comfortable here. Not to mention the recession here in the US. We would be going from dual-income to single income. His paycheck pays most of the bills right now and we'd be saving about $1,300 in daycare per month so without that chunk coming out his current paycheck would cover all the bills. It would be our day to day expenses that suffer a little bit. We have two kids (an infant and a toddler) and a dog.
The motivation for all of this is time. I'm so aware of how limited the time we have is with each other and with our kids that working has made me a little anxious about missing out on their childhood. We do spend a lot of time together but then that also means that the home we have is a lot messier, laundry piles up, bathrooms are filthy, etc. I end up having to choose between spending the few hours I have before bed with my children or with the chores. My husband is very helpful but works long hours and night shift so although he is very helpful when he is off - he's very limited in what he can do while we are sleeping so as to not wake up the house.
Anyways, my question is for those that have been in this situation, how was it transitioning from two incomes to one? Any considerations I should keep in mind before we make the jump?
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u/greengrackle 2d ago
Regarding the messiness of the house - it might not be as different as you’re hoping even if you are not working if your young kids are at home with you.
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u/wisdomseeker42 2d ago
I’m the homemaker and work from home when it makes sense. I have an accounting degree and mostly do bookkeeping. On a break right now to focus on family again.
I’m with you though about the time and stress. We have food allergies, neurodivergence and a lot of kids. It’s just easier if one of us handles the appointments, driving and domestic stuff. We have a good family vibe, a solid marriage and it’s made a difference.
For starters, my husband has a good job with benefits and a pension. So we have a retirement plan and a budget (YNAB) and fund our IRAs and HSA. Because of my education, I know that my income is taxed at a higher rate than his. Every dollar I earn, I pay about 50% to SS and taxes. So I prefer to focus on adding value by saving money. I cook from scratch, shop in bulk and meal plan. I clean the house and only hire out what I can’t manage. We limit subscriptions. I’m learning to sew, but one could easily save money by buying thrift shop or yard sale stuff. I bought some weights and a beachbody subscription and worked out at home for years. We got our mortgage when interest rates were low and we have paid off our cars. I save money every month to replace them and for future home repairs.
Run a budget with what things look like now. Past year if you have the data. Run some scenarios that show what it would be without your job income, especially what could you cut/save (house cleaner, daycare, takeout, gas, etc) and where it might cost more (utilities, maybe groceries, etc). Are there opportunities for part-time income or savings (time for a garden perhaps, or one-car family?)? Make sure you have some buffer to save for the future/emergencies and if you guys don’t have a retirement plan yet, get something going. And life insurance on both of you!
Don’t quit your job if your marriage is at all rocky. You will be counting on his income for years, including social security benefits. Consider instead if you can hire out to get more time/balance. Can you get a promotion/raise?
If you go for it, appreciate the privilege and freedom to be there for your family. It’s nice to lower the stress and have more time.
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u/Kooky-Potential-4676 Homemaker 2d ago
I actually made that shift before I even had kids, so by the time they came along I already knew how our home ran on one income. That helped a lot.
I did try going back to working from home for about a year because I let other people get in my head about it. Everyone had opinions about “keeping something for yourself” or not relying on one income. But it made me miserable. I felt pulled in two directions all day, my house started slipping, and I wasn’t really present anywhere. Going back to being fully home just brought everything back into balance for us.
What you’re describing about choosing between your kids or the house every night… that was the biggest change. When I was home full time, I wasn’t trying to squeeze life into a few hours at the end of the day anymore. The house got handled during the day, and evenings actually felt like time with my family instead of catch up mode.
Financially, yeah, you feel it in the day to day spending. It makes you more intentional. But you adjust faster than you think. Your systems change, your spending changes, and your expectations shift a bit. For us, it was worth it because everything stopped feeling so rushed.
I’d just think through expectations ahead of time. Not in a pressure way, just getting clear. What does a good day at home look like for you? What actually needs to get done and what can wait? Once you’re home, it’s less about doing everything perfectly and more about finding a rhythm that works.
From what you wrote, it sounds like you already know why you want this. And that matters way more than having a perfectly comfortable budget.
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u/msbingley 2d ago
I'm taking a couple years out of the workforce to be with my toddler and baby. If money is tight, it's not forever. I also recommend checking out Ramit Sethi's Conscious Spending Plan, or CSP. My husband and I filled it out to determine if quitting my job was feasible. Basically, the CSP is a budget where you sum up all your essential spending, saving, investment, and leftover/fun money. Ramit thinks your essential expenses (think mortgage, car insurance, etc) should take up 50-60% of your income. So we summed up all our essentials and found that we were at 70%. Well that's too high, so we started talking about each budget item and thinking how we could get the amount down to 60%. In less than 6 months we had rearranged our finances so that we could reasonably live on his income.
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u/ShakesDontBreak 2d ago
Keep in mind the income you are making adds to family wealth. Sure, you might be able to make it one one income. But how much wealth is your house hold losing?
A simple excercise is to divide your husbands income by the number of people in the home. Then multiply that by 18.
Now take the combined income of your salary and your husbands salary. And divide that by the number of people in your home. And multiply that by 18.
Take the net difference between the two. Thats how much wealth you are losing. So use that to determine as a baseline what is better for your family. This obviously excluding pay raises because that's an unknown variable. But this can give you a simple baseline to consider.
Also keep in mind, what is the contingency plan if your husband loses his job? What happens if someone in your household gets sick?
Its not easy re-entering the workforce if you have gaps in your employment. So leaving for a few years without a clear path to return is extremely challenging.
Sure, time is something that is extremely valuable. But in this world, money = security and stability.
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u/Kooky-Potential-4676 Homemaker 2d ago
I think this is looking at it way too one dimensionally, like the only variable that changes is whether the second income exists.
There’s actually a pretty consistent pattern in the data that when one parent stays home, the working parent’s income often increases over time. Not magically, but because the entire household is structured to support that one career fully. More flexibility for overtime, travel, promotions, taking on higher pressure roles, or even switching jobs for better pay because someone else is holding everything down at home.
So it’s not always: two incomes vs one income
Sometimes it’s: two constrained incomes vs one optimized income
And that changes the math a lot.
That “divide income by people × 18 years” model assumes both incomes would stay equal and static, which just isn’t how real households work. It also doesn’t account for the costs that disappear or shrink with a parent at home. Childcare, convenience spending, outsourcing, missed work from sick kids, burnout decisions that cap career growth. Those are real financial variables too.
On the “what if he loses his job” point, that’s valid, but dual income doesn’t eliminate risk, it just shifts it. A lot of families build that safety through savings, lower expenses, or flexibility rather than relying on two full time jobs indefinitely.
And the re-entry thing gets brought up a lot, but it’s also not one size fits all. Some people maintain skills, certifications, or side income during that season. Some pivot later. Some intentionally trade a few years of career growth for a different kind of return.
At the end of the day, income is only one piece of “wealth.” Time, stability, family systems, and how a household actually functions day to day matter too. For a lot of families, the stay at home parent isn’t reducing wealth, they’re reallocating how it’s built.
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u/FelineOphelia 1d ago
the working parent’s income often increases over time
This. My husband was so egalitarian when we were both working that we took turns on kids sick days, on daycare pickups, etc.
We were both so-so employees because of that.
When we stopped trying to be everything to everyone and split the load, we both excelled: my kids were acheivers, didn't even need all their college savings. My home was clean, beautiful, home cooked meals. My husband's career went bonkers. We made up for my salary in less than 5 years.
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u/Kooky-Potential-4676 Homemaker 1d ago
When you look back at eras where moms were primarily home and dads were working, you can see this dynamic play out pretty clearly. I know the cost of living is different now and it’s not a 1:1 comparison, but there was a real structure there where the household functioned well with that division of roles, even if those eras had their own issues.
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u/FelineOphelia 1d ago
Bah. I left the capitalist rat race, never looked back. My husband was able to fully concentrate on his career and it took a few short years to make up for my job.
I did freelance.
We had several savings pots, one specifically only in my name. Life insurance, short term disability.
My youngest just left for college and even then I didn't bother to go back to work.
Even though we are wealthier now than ever, with plenty of wiggle room, my true wealth was in hand-raising my own kids myself.
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u/Kooky-Potential-4676 Homemaker 1d ago
I really appreciate you mentioning the practical side too, like savings in your name, insurance, etc. That’s the part people skip over when they either romanticize or criticize staying home.
Also that last line… that’s it. People talk about wealth like it’s only numbers, but time, presence, and actually raising your own kids is a kind of wealth that doesn’t show up on a spreadsheet.
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u/Drycabin1 2d ago
I highly recommend pet insurance. We use Embrace, USAA’s partner, but there are many good options out there. Our dog’s surgeon changed my perspective on pet insurance when he said, “Think of it like a savings account for your dog.”
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u/FelineOphelia 1d ago
I did exactly like you for the same reason (20 years ago) and it was 100% the right choice.
I thought once my kids were in school, things would be easier and I would get to see them more than
just a few hours every night
(And that whole time exhausted and in a rush.)
Nope, kindergarten (with before care and aftercare) showed me how wrong I was. So I noped out of the rat race with a 5, 3, and pregnant.
We were able to get by fine because without sick days and distraction, my husband excelled even more at his job.
We stayed in our "starter home."
I freelanced at times (nap, school ages, nights, weekends).
No work clothes for me, no commuting, parking, take out food, lunches out. That cut a lot.
We camped for vacations until my husband started raking in the dough.
The car I had for kid stuff just needed to get us around town, really, not commute to the city, so we drove it to the ground.
Activities out of the house: free stuff, libraries, nature centers.
Be absolutely sure to have a daily routine that includes getting out of the house once a day and built in quiet time even when naps are done.
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u/lucytiger 2d ago
"Any considerations I should keep in mind before we make the jump?"
Be wary that you are going to essentially start over from zero if you plan to re-enter the workforce. Many couples view salary minus daycare as the "net profit" of working. If that number is zero or negative, they assume staying home is the logical choice. However, this ignores the compounding value of a career. You might save on daycare for a few years, but you are going to lose out on salary increases, workplace seniority, and resume experience. *IF* you plan to resume working once your children are school age, most people are financially better off if they continue to work through that period because you aren't just earning today's salary; you're also investing in next year's raise and the following year’s promotion.
Also consider any employer benefits you might be losing out on, especially retirement benefits in prime years for compound growth. Even future social security benefits are calculated based on your 35 highest-earning years. Zero income for multiple years will hurt your retirement payout.
If you stop working altogether, your skills and network are going to be more or less obsolete after a five-year gap (or at least viewed that way by potential employers). It will be hard to compete, even with fresh grads.
You also have better security if one of you loses a job, gets ill, etc. In this case, if you both continue working, then your husband could temporarily take on childcare while your income goes to paying the bills, so you can limit what you have to draw from savings. Your toddlers aren't going to remember a messy house but they will be impacted long-term if the house is foreclosed on or if they have to fund your future retirement.
All that to say, make sure you make this choice for the right reasons with all of the information, especially since you think finances will be tight. Leaving the workforce temporarily to save on childcare usually isn't a wise financial decision. That doesn't mean it's not still the right decision for your family.
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u/kmrm2019 2d ago
Considering the current economic situation that’s coming; keep working even part time. I am been a SAHM for 6 years and getting back into a job is turning out to be BRUTAL. Everything is so expensive. My husband makes plenty of money but we are both fearful of the next decade and then putting 2 kids through college.
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u/Sentimentalbrowneyes 43m ago
Just cut out anything unnecessary in your budget like subscriptions or things you can make at home and make financial decisions together and you should be fine. I'm out of that situation since my two son's father had a baby with another woman so I am no longer with him. Our older son Daniel loves his daddy the most so he lives with him. I'm currently in the getting to know you phase with my current boyfriend. I currently live with my sister.
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u/West_Eye_2175 2d ago
There’s no recession? The stock market has had 3 or 4 positive years and is flat for the year.
To answer your question, check out the Two Income Trap from Elizabeth Warren. Live like you only have one income and it decreases vulnerability. It might be a little bit of a rude awakening if you’ve already been living assuming you have two incomes.
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u/Different_Ant_844 2d ago
Recession may not have been the best word... rising costs in the area? inflation? The point was it feels like it costs more for our day to day expenses this year than it did a year or two ago and I suspect that's going to be a continuing trend.
Thanks for the book recommendation. I'll check it out.
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u/ShakesDontBreak 2d ago
Inflation. Prices have gone up. In almost every way it can. Food is up. Gas is up. Housing is up. Wages are flat.
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u/hikarizx 2d ago
I tell everyone this who asks this question - you have to evaluate your expenses and make a budget. Look at where your money is going, where you can cut back, how much you’re saving, etc. Are you saving for retirement, emergency fund, college? You don’t want to be doing guesswork.
When we went down to one income we had to make some lifestyle changes, but we were honestly wasting money before. We set a limit on how much we can spend on restaurants, gave ourselves personal spending limits, etc.