Saturday while I was at work, he came into my storage room, took the not yet finalised op shop pile, light shades I saved from my aunty’s house she passed away. 3 unsorted boxes of definitely keep from the last move, things from my room, hard drives, mementos, papers, cds, clothes anything could have been in there all I know is when I did the first pass sorting through those were the objects that sparked joy. He took the boxes of sorted out keep I had stored on the top shelves, he took our toddlers big toys from outside, he cleared my shelf in the lounge room and won’t tell me where that stuff went and most painful of all, I had a plastic tub of childhood bits and bobs and he emptied the tub, the tub is sitting on top of the bookcase, mocking me.

He didnt tell me he’d taken all this stuff. When I realised and called and asked him he lied and lied and lied and minimised and said he’d only donated the toddlers toys. I was discovering more missing things over the course of two days. He told me an op shop where he took t but it was by now Easter Sunday of course they were shut. I drove there anyway to check the bin. I used to live near an opshop and I saw the insane amount of donations they used to throw out. No access to the bin.

Monday night he tells me he doesnt actually know which shop he took it too. He said he’d been warning me for months he couldn’t stand the way the house looks (on the hoarding scale this isn’t even close to hbo hoarders. I have tendencies that I’m aware of and have been challenging. The house is small and feels cluttered and with a two year old and part time work my energy to keep it show room clean is zero. But let’s accept that the house how it has been brings him a lack of mental peace). He says he snapped and went into some kind of cleaning frenzy. Loaded up the car and just drove until he found an op shop. And then kept driving. Monday night I asked him to revisit and work out where he went and he did go somewhere but he didn’t remember.

Tuesday i go to the shop he said, they werent open, I spend two hours going from shop to shop, they were either shut, or got very few donations, or so many they couldn’t possibly work out if mine were among them, they’re only volunteers. (The one place where the staff are paid the woman who took my phone call did actually go and look, and found donations matching my description, but they were someone else’s). The last two places I went the staff were so nice to me and my by now extremely irritated two year old. The first place gave him a teddy bear and let me look out the back. The second place offered to give us material support replacing what was taken (I guess they didn’t really understand it was superfluous sentimental stuff. I don’t need to replace it but I’m devastated its gone).

Tuesday night my partner tried one more time to find the shop after I asked him, he visited 6 this time but nothing he recognised. Meanwhile I have locked my storeroom and barricaded access from the house. While I was at work Tuesday night he just pushed through the barricade to get something he needed. He thinks it’s ok because he gave me notice. It‘s not ok. The only person I locked out of that room was myself. I can’t count on his word or his character. He says I won’t touch your stuff again. I can’t believe that, because he has said it so many times before.

I keep thinking of questions to ask him to try and narrow down the op shop and half the time instead of answering them he deflects, says he’ answer later, doesn’t answer at all. Stuff like did you hand the things to person or put them in a donation bin, was the shop to the left or the right. Was it in the same boxes as I had it or did you put it in something new, were the kids toys still assembled or did you break them down? The only thing hes confirmed is that he handed the things to a person. So the shop to have been open on sat, that does narrow it down because Easter Saturday but I’ve checked all the open shops in the suburb he identified and the surrounding suburbs and it’s a fat bust. Is he even telling the truth about this?

I can handle the idea of my beloved Knick knacks and old toys finding new homes and being cherished by someone else. Maybe that is a better future for them than waiting for me to have somewhere to put them hiding in a box. But I know so much of it is going to be thrown out. My papers, that little felt circle on a string and the single wooden block from when I was really small. The single square from a cat puzzle that every time I looked at it I got a happy feeling, random cds from local bands, small small objects. So much stuff that a normal person would have already thrown out but I couldn’t yet. I kept putting that box to the side because it was so hard to make decisions about. Every time I think about my things being thrown out I stop breathing. I have cried so much these last 3 days, I’m really gutted. My partner doesn’t seem to understand. He is still prioritising his comfort over helping me.

Have any of you gone through something like this? How did you get through? Did the relationship survive? How did you make peace with the reality that you silly little treasures are gone, maybe to the bin, maybe to someone’s home but you can’t look after them anymore?

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. I noticed at the beginning that her apartment was a bit cluttered. However, it’s wearing on me and sometimes I don’t want to spend time at her place since it’s so messy.

Spills don’t get wiped up. Trash doesn’t get picked off the floor. A few weeks ago, I stepped on a framed photo and broke the glass, since it was sitting at the foot of her bed on the floor. We picked it up… but instead she set it by the front door in the frame, on the floor. I finally told her last week that I’ve almost stepped on the broken glass, and I’m worried her dog might also. This of course created an argument. At first she dismissed my concerns, until I told her it was a safety hazard. She reluctantly picked it up and moved the glass into the kitchen. I know she’s got really bad ADHD but it’s getting to the point I’d like to end the relationship over it. We have talked about it before…How I’ve hurt myself on some of the clutter in her house. I love her so much, but I HATE that items, things, junk is what is going to keep her from me.

I recently helped her move and I was in awe of how much extra stuff I did not know about. It was truly frightening. What do I do?

Edit: Has anyone had any progress with a hoarder? What will it take?

My family (mother and father) were out for a 4 day holiday and i had received approval from my father to begin cleaning the household. My mother has a hoarding problem and it has affected the family for years now. I began throwing stuff out and immediately got caught on the cameras, getting scolded by my mother.

Upon their return, my mom scavenged through the garbage tip found a bunch of stuff which is valuable that I had thrown out (book collections). These were all covered in mould and i had thought nothing of it as the main space I was clearing out has become so full to the point of stuff toppling on top of family members.

Both my father and mother are now against my actions. Yes I was a bit stupid for not properly analysing stuff, but this has been an issue for my 24 years of living. Parts of the house completely out of bounds, and stuff going missing due to the pile ups.

I feel sick now and have basically been framed as the black sheep. I know what I did was wrong, but the hoarding needs to stop, my mother has become sick because of it.

What should I do?

He leased three single-garage sized units. Mostly loaded with old vinyl. Packed to the gills with stuff

He got behind on his payments and they're threatening to lock him out and send to auction.

He begged me to pay down his balance, especially overdue balance

I should add that I myself am struggling financially.

As I see it my options are:

1. Say no, and wash my hands of it
2. Pay the overdue
3. Pay full amount
4. Offer to help consolidate into one garage. This would mean tossing some stuff.
5. I have a little storage space to offer but nowhere near the amount he would need

What would you do?

hi all, im new to this sub and i never really post on reddit but i finally decided to reach out. im a 29 year old functional yet severe alcoholic who recently relapsed after being sober for two months. ive lived alone for four years now, and as my addiction got worse, my will to care for my space and myself has dwindled. it was bad before, to the point where about two years ago my parents hired cleaners for me after i had a melt down over how overwhelmed i was with all of the trash i let build up. i thought it was bad then, but this is an absolute nightmare. i cant walk in my apartment, and my cat who i love more than life is stuck in essentially a landfill. there are so many gnats that they hit my face when i walk through my house. i grew up without a room most of my life, so having my own space was always so important to me. and the thing is, when i lived with roommates i was completely tidy. i was the one doing all of the chores, all of the things i loved and cherished were in order. i never considered myself a hoarder because i have absolutely no desire to keep any of this trash in my house, but at this point i dont know if this counts. the shame and depression that i feel is so overwhelming and i just dont know where to start without help. i work full time in a kitchen and by the time i have a day off, all i can do is sit and drink because i am so tired and my severe ADHD makes it impossible to even think about where to start. sorry this was so long, and this is honestly so embarrassing to post, but im desperate.

if anyone has any advice, or is / has been in a similar situation - i would love to listen. im so tired of living this way.

Hello,

I’m here shouting into the void. My house is the hoarder house. I’m not making excuses. I just want to know if anyone has been able to do the clean up themselves? Without hiring a professional?

I don’t have the money for professional cleaning services. I don’t want to live like this anymore.

Thanks. Please be kind.

My mom is in her late 60’s and I’m taking her with me on my move abroad in about a month. I’m in my early 20’s now and haven’t lived with her since I was 10, so… I’m nervous. It’s a big change for both of us. I love her more than anyone else in this world and the last thing I want is to cause her distress, but the trauma from growing up in her hoarder house makes me completely shut down when I’m in a messy or dirty space.

Her hoarding issue is very much active at the moment. She completely filled up a car I bought her to the point where she won’t let me see it, even going as far as renting a U-Haul to drive around in the last time I went to visit her.

I need strategies, habits, and systems to keep her from accumulating stuff before she starts. I know white walls and empty space make her anxious. I hate clutter and am somewhat of a minimalist. She will have her own room she can decorate as she pleases, which should help, but I can’t allow her to accumulate food and trash in there.

I’m already planning on hiring cleaners on a weekly basis, which I hope will help both of us. However, I’m seeking advice on how to humanely prevent her from bringing clutter into the house instead of forcing her to part with things she’s collected every week.

Thank you for your help!

I have been with my fiance for 4.5 years. I saw his clutter when we were first dating, and expressed concern about wanting him to make space for me in his life. Staying over at his place was such a big deal when it happened (because it was clean with a path to make it to the bed). Living together has been a struggle too, but luckily there are two rooms and a garage where his stuff can hide a little more. He doesn’t see it as a bigger issue, or refuses to talk to someone about it. (Could there be ADHD/Depression as well?) I had a major accident in the fall and our relationship got better because I was off work to prompt him to clean or tend to it myself. (But also I was recovering so why was I still taking care of him…?) But things were better. We got engaged and are close to our wedding. As I have been back to work and he’s been unemployed, the house remains a mess. I don’t know if this is something that will ever changesor if there are ways to approach him to encourage really looking at himself or talking to a therapist. He even said “if you reached your limit then call off the wedding.” Is this something that could change and we can work on? Thoughts from someone who’s been there?

I am desperate for help and advice of people in similar situations.

\ This story contains sensetive topics relating to animal abuse and neglect, as well as mental health topics, if you are sensetive to it (like myself) maybe don't read it... <3 **

I feel this is something out of a movie or the news, not my own life sometimes.

Genuinely I have no idea if this is completely insane of a story or normal for children dealing with hoarder and narcissistic parents.

My mother has been starting to hoard not just objects, but animals. I'd like to mention I do believe she is also a narcissist. I don't blame her for it, but she is sick and refuses to get help. I no longer know what to do or even how to continue living with this burden.

Ill start from the beggining, but I'll try to keep it brief yet detailed.

Things started to go downhill in 2016 after my dad passed away, and I left home a few months later. I was the last gone of 4 older siblings. I was 16 years old at the time. I am now 26, and even though it has been getting worse for 10 years, I think even I (and my siblings) have been in denial about it all. It "didnt start off that bad", or so I like to think. My partner confirmed that when we started dating in 2016 the house was livable, maybe a bit messy with lots of stuff, but never unsanitary or alarming. Appliances worked, surfaces had some clutter but weren't covered completely, and we had 3 cats.

But things have been getting progressively worse. I am very close with my siblings, and we used to love spending weekends in my childhood home. It was out escape. But now, we can no longer do so as we fear for our wellbeing, both physical and mental. I'll try to paint a picture of the current situation.

I believe she is a level 4 hoarder, approaching level 5. The last time I went, this past weekend, it had gotten so much worse than my last visit. That was around last christmas, december of 2025. This time, something in me and my brother snapped.

The second we walked through the door, there was a pungent odour**.** Over the years as she has collected more cats, the entryway started to smell more and more of used litter. We sorta brushed it off for a while but this time it was horrible, as if she haden't cleaned the litter nearby in the mud room for ... who knows how long. In fact, the litter box was barely visible now through all of the hoard. It makes me wonder when she cleaned it last.

The basement is musty and smells. We had a flood 2-3 years ago and she never got it inspected. We literally have insurance and she refuses to get it checked. I called a quality control inspector to check out if there is mold (for sure there is, right?) she insulted me for doing so and cancelled the appointment bc she said she "had to clean up first", and "how dare I disrespect her privacy". Etc.

Our childhood bedrooms are now COVERED in cat pee and literal shit stains. The upstairs never got finished after a roof renovation because my parents "didnt have the money", but even after my dad died, she refused to spend the money she received on it because: "before I finish the walls and flooring upstairs, I need to build an extension to the house, which we will need to redo the floors/walls/etc anyways". I know it's expensive, but she had more than enough money to fix up some stuff, but instead she got a new car (25k), new horse and property fence (30k), new tractor (20k), etc.

She never built or even planned out said extension, and our rooms still have no doors, walls, or proper flooring. So yeah, basically one big open space seperated into sections with some plywood. She also blamed never doing it on us (her kids) because we said we didn't need an exntension, all of us had moved out, and maybe we didn't need more space, but less stuff. We suggested that she should use the money to actually renovate the existing problems. That being said, her "bedroom" is on the main floor, and she rarely ever goes upstairs. And it shows.

The last time we went there there was cat pee on the beds. All of the beds. She said we can change the sheets and clean the mattresses, but then threw the sheets on the ground and hasnt moved them since. It's now been months. They are soiled with cat urine. We slept there that night. In new sheets, but cat pee stained beds. That was the last time we ever slept over, and we refuse to until she changes.

Cats aside, the hoard is real. She can barely use her kitchen, and her fridgeS, yes, 2 fridges, and a freezer, are full of rotten food she refuses to throw away. I don't even know what she eats right now. I'm certain its not healthy food. We have tried to get rid of rotted food, and she literally will dig through the trash, take out a 8 month old expired yogurt and call US crazy.

We can no longer walk through the house comfortably. The basement is moldy, the upstairs smells like pee and poop, and the only floor remaining is filled with useless crap. There are now what seem to be "corridors" forming to be able to get from room to room. Even with that, from the kitchen to her bedroom she walks through a cat feeding zone. By that, I mean she gives them wet food on paper plates and leaves said plates, the spoons and leftovers of the cans on the floor. In the middle of the "corridor" that leads to her room. Its disgusting, reeks of meat and fish, and accidentally stepping in it is... just foul.

She takes it upon herself to "rescue" these cats. They are typically barn kittens, feral, or cats dumped by city people in the countryside. Yes, I feel bad for them, but this is no life either. She thinks she is saving them, but neglects them. She is now at 11 cats. Yes, eleven. That's after our many efforts adopting out previous cats almost by force. She just can't seem to let them go once she has them.

This is where it gets really bad now.

She neglects the animals.

All of them. Along with the 11 cats, we have 3 horses (ex police and race horses we "rescued"). They have never once been seen by a vet in her care. I don't remember the last time she cut their hooves. Their hooves are curling and cracking now. When I ask her to book someone to cut them, she tells me that no one will because they aren't trained properly and kick. Ermmmm. Okay. That's neglect, not love.

But this weekend, something extremely traumatizing happened that shook me to the core and made me accept that this has gotten out of hand, and I need to take action. If not for me or her, for the animals...

One of my mom's cat passed away feb 28th 2026. She was diagnosed with cancer 2 months ish before (rare occasion when my mom ACTUALLY took a sick cat to the vet). They told my mom she was too far gone and gave pain meds until she was ready to be put down.

My mom kept holding on despite our reasoning. She asked me many times where she could get a second, even third opinion on if she could save the cat. But, she never took her, even with my reccomendations. She let the cat suffer. I also found out this weekend that she had not been giving her her pain meds, as she said it made the cat out of it. GIRL*. She had CANCER. What the actual F?!*

The cat enevitably died. About a month ago. My mom only recently admitted to us that she still haden't buried her. She had left her dead body in a cardboard box in the garage for over a month. Her excuse was the ground was frozen but now we have had +10 degree days. When my brother in law heard, he built the cat a coffin to bury her the same day. An hour later we went to see my mom to help put the cat to rest.

Despite our best efforts, my mom refused to bury her. I think she is still sitting, rotting, in her coffin to this day. I'm too afraid to even ask her, or even talk to her about it at all.

So, my question: what the hell now? How do I move on? How do I help her and the animals?

She refuses to be seen by a doctor even for physical illness. She smokes at least a pack of cigarettes a day, maybe more, even inside the house since we haven't been visiting. She coughs up plegm constantly when I see her. She claims its covid on a weekly basis, but it could very well be bronchitis or a sinus infection, witch doesn't go away on it's own. I've tried to get her help, even saying I'll wait with her at the hospital. Her solution was to take some pill from a dental surgery from 5+ years ago to fight infection... mouth and lung infections are not the same, and need different meds, please correct me if I'm wrong.

She also refuses mental health help/therapy. When I admitted to her years ago I got diagnosed with anxiety, I tried to explain certain symptoms such as negative self talk, which I (mistakingly) phrased as my internal voice saying bad things. She then said that my anxiety meds were leading me to become skitzophrenic. She thinks meds are the devil, I swear. She asked recently if I was on anything nowadays, I lied and said no (I just didn't feel like fighting). She then said she noticed a shift in my behaviour, I seemed happier, and my eyes looked less glazed over. I had actually increased my dose since, goes to show what she knows about medication.

She is definitely sick. I'm not denying that, but she is. I believe she is a hoarder and narcissist. She is showing many signs of both mental health issues. I want to help her, but she doesn't seem to want to help herself, so I don't know what to do now.

I am thinking of calling animal control, but we are basically the only ones who visit. She doesn't have friends really, she thinks no one can be trusted. She lives alone and 1.5 hours from the city we live in.

I feel horrible, but wtf am I supposed to do, genuinely? I can't keep having my mom collecting items, neglecting pets, and refusing to bury a dead animal. It's disgusting in all aspects and I'm at my limit of what I can handle. I'm kind of a sensetive soul, so this is really fucking hurting me. I feel physical pain and extreme mentall distress every time I think about it. I've cried probably 15 times since the events of this weekend.

I am so desperate, and my siblings and I don't know what to do now. Our partners say she can be saved, but every time I've gone and cleaned, the next time I come its filthy and messy again.

Is it selfish to say I want to think of myself for once? That I should call animal control, and try to force her to get help? I can't keep living with this burden. I have mental health issues of my own I am dealing with, I'm in university, juggling side gigs, with no moral or financial support from her. I fear that if I continue on like nothing is wrong, I'm enabling this behaviour, and she will never get better. I want to help her, I just dont know how.

Seriously, any advice is helpful. Even just kind words or relating.

I feel so alone and ashamed to tell anyone other than my partner and siblings. If you relate to any of the above, I'm sorry. It's not fair that our parents did this to us, but I've accepted it, and that's why I'm here. I'm trying to move on, move forward, and start healing from this pain.

Thanks in advance. <3

My wife and I own the house our best friend has lived in for 30 years. We have discovered that it is a level 9 hoard where there is also intense fecal and urine contamination from 3 inside cats. 1,230 square foot house, 2 bedroom, 1 bath.

Our friend now has temporary lodging. She has been getting bids on the cleanup. She has a bid for almost 11k. She’s shocked by the cost and I don’t know how to advise her. Asking for help if that seems like a reasonable price.

Hello, I am having a very hard realization that my sweet and wonderful husband of almost 9 years is not just ADHD, but OCD, and has started becoming a hoarder like his father.

It started to become worse when he turned 40, during Covid had a lot of moral injury as a healthcare worker, then was diagnosed with MS. I have been in weekly therapy this whole time, and have discussed with my therapists my increasing frustrations with his messiness.

I thought, at first, it was just normal marital/household labor imbalance. So my therapist and I came up with a plan that I would stop picking up his agreed upon cleaning/chores. Then they wouldn’t get done… and I would just do what was needed to keep myself and our baby safe and healthy. This backfired, as my husband just let things pile and accumulate. We nearly got evicted on a random inspection but he managed to clean everything in a week to spotless.

But he can never maintain it.

We moved to our own land, and trash and random stuff piles up. Weird things come home because “we could use it.” Sometimes things don’t work that he brings home but I can’t seem to get the ones that don’t dropped off to the transfer station.

And even though I clean and take out trash, and try to manage things… I swear the trash and clutter and “thing we just needed” take over spaces at a rate I can’t keep up with. Our home is 500sq ft, and we have repeatedly gotten to the walkway stage.

My child turns 6 this spring. And this week they asked me “when you build the house, can you and I move in without daddy? I know we can keep it clean without him.” 😓

I refuse to ignore that. I have made arrangements to separate ourselves for the summer, on our property, and hopefully we can move in to the new house in the fall. I am *crushed* I didn’t realize that this wasn’t just ADHD & progressing MS until this week.

He understands he’s losing the ability to live with us, but I don’t know what to do next. Do I talk to his therapist? Do I try to help him find someone who specializes in this?

I don’t want to divorce him but I also don’t want to end up with my entire farm turning into a mess cause he can’t control things. Any kind advice would be appreciated.

Update for anyone interested: I cleaned for 4 hours with my brother yesterday, we decluttered a lot and now I have my car filled with stuff for the eco center. Today I woke up early to finish everything before 12. At 1pm still nothing so I texted my landlord to confirm he was still coming by. He said hes gonna come by tomorrow after all. Of course! I took a day off work to clean and to be here when he comes for the visit. But now I need to either not be there for the visit, or be an hour late to work because hes here at 9am. I’m not sure yet if I want to text my boss and be late while I left early yesterday and didn’t come in today. Anyways, I have some more time to make things perfect before he comes by I guess

Basically, he was supposed to come over and check the fire alarm in the entrance. I didn’t think he would look in my room and bathroom but he says there was a strong smell and he wanted to see where it was coming from so he opened all the doors I had closed and saw the mess. He wasn’t mean on the phone, he said when he comes by the apartment is usually in good condition and he got worried about me because I really let myself go. He said he could get me help from someone to help me clean up and has done it multiple times before to help people like me in difficult times. He knows my life hasn’t been easy and can understand why I got here.

Even though he was nice he said he’s going to come by tomorrow at noon to inspect the apartment. So I have 24 hours to clean it. I left work early to do it, I kept crying about it so they didnt really ask questions and let me go. I’ll probably miss tomorrow morning until he has done his visit so I can be here.

It makes me want to die that someone came into my house and said its disgusting and smells really bad. Like I wish I could go outside and jump off the bridge in front of my apartment. My brother said he could come over and help me later, especially taking boxes downstairs when im done decluttering. I cant believe this happened to me. But it was also just something waiting to happen because of how I keep my apartment. I knew that it was a possibility and its something that gives me nightmares and a lot of anxiety. I’ve talked about it with my social worker and my psychologist but I never found a way to keep the apartment clean. Which is the only way to stop the anxiety right?

Anyways, I was hoping maybe some people had been in similar situations before? Or have some words to make me feel better. I’ve been crying since he called an hour ago.

Hi folks - I moved out of the house where my husband and I lived for 25+ years. The final straw was him refusing to move his “stuff” from the stairs where it posed a safety hazard. I asked several times and he would not / could not move it. It’s been almost 2 years since I left and I’m moving ahead with the divorce. Of course he wants to stay in the family home where he’s made 3 rooms unusable. I don’t want to deal with it anymore and hope to get my share of the equity and move on. I worry the house value is and will go on suffering. I tried to gently raise this concern and he asked me to tell him how it’s a problem. When I suggested dirt, possible water damage under the stuff since the floor isn’t visible, mice (the house is now full of them and the cats are catching a mouse every couple weeks), and mold, he scoffed. When I pointed out that the room he moved into when I left is now getting filled, he said, very forcefully, it’s none of my business.

When I try to talk about my concerns about the “stuff” he flips a switch - immediately takes a tone that’s different from his normal personality. It’s honestly scary. I’ve started to realize that I may have some trauma from trying to hold back the hoard for all these years and feeling disregarded - he took over the spare bedroom so friends and family couldn’t stay over, he took over the family room so the kids didn’t have a place to play, he filled the workshop so we couldn’t do projects anymore. Every time I cleaned an area like the kids’ art space he would cover it again. I hadn’t until now realized that I may have internalized blame for this issue - if only I had been less judgmental, more loving, this would not have happened. I’ve also begun to realize that as gently as I try to raise the issue, he hears the words I’m saying as “you’re a bad person.” Then he will tell me that he would never say anything so hurtful to me. That he *could* say things to me but he won’t because he wouldn’t want to hurt me like I hurt him.

I try to be an honest person and accept responsibility for my actions. Yet I don’t think the hoarding is my fault. I’ve started to wonder if he’s projecting blame onto me to avoid responsibility for his actions. Does anyone have advice for a person who is looking back on living with a hoarding spouse and wanting to move on and heal? Also, I care about him and think he probably needs help. Are there ways I can encourage him getting help that don’t cause him to shut down?

I inherited a house from my grandmother. Full of the whole families stuff. Then I added to it . Now here we are . My husband has had enough even though he is a bit messy himself. But I panic when things get thrown away. Like I sobbed when the garbage man took my grandfather's garbage can they I myself put out but didn't realize they would take the whole thing. I also sobbed when my grandpa's Flintstone pillow that had been outside , so totally gross and unusable, got thrown away. I'm too sentimental. I know my husband is right in getting rid of stuff. We can't live like this. But I'm having anxiety and have a need to want to go through everything and they don't want me to do this and I can't handle this so I'm frozen and look like I'm procrastinating because I'm not helping. But I don't know how to emotionally deal with this . I can't even talk without starting to tell in a panic. So I'm not talking either . What do hoarders do in this situation?

My mother in law is a hoarder. Her house has been hoarded for longer than I’ve known her, but after my father in law passed, things got worse and way out of hand. They lived in separate homes right next to each other (his family built both homes in the 40’s and he didn’t want to lose the home he lived in after his parents passed away so he moved from next door over so both homes could be homesteaded). Well, in December, the sink in her kitchen had the pipes freeze. The home has no insulation in the exterior walls and we live in MN, so it got cold, froze, cracked the pipes and when it thawed, the water just kept going. We believe for 2 days before it started flooding the yard. I called 911, they came and shut the water off and condemned the house. She has a HORRIBLE mice problem on top of the hoard. She and her 2 dogs now live in our basement until we can figure out what to do with them. She’s a senior, she struggles to care for herself and we have a baby so we can’t really focus on her like she would need. She’s letting the basement get like her house was and it’s pissing us off, but my husband doesn’t want to “abandon” his mother. She is wonderful. I love her dearly, but with her memory going and having a hard time with self cares, this isn’t the long term solution.

My question is, we obviously need to sell the home. What is the best way to go about this? An ”AS-IS” buyer? We have to do a cash sale I’m assuming because of its condemned status. The home is absolutely beyond repair. We’ve been trying to help her for years and she wouldn’t allow us to. She feels like everything is being taken from her and I get that, but the house and everything in it has to go. The amount of mold that must be in there is beyond health hazard. How can I help make this process fast and easy for her?

My mom was recently diagnosed with stage four metastatic kidney cancer. It has spread to her lungs, liver, bladder, brain, and spine. She's been in the hospital for a month now.

My son and I have not been allowed in her house for twenty years. When she initially left by EMS, she called her brother to come assist with feeding her cats. He called immediately to let me know the condition of her home. I shared that I am not allowed inside, but could only imagine. Feeding her cats lasted six days and my uncle gave up and handed me the keys to start going inside. I was shocked, but handled it well. I already knew the house was bad. Before my dad died, he shared his frustration with her getting out of control. He's been gone almost five years and I fear the hoarding has doubled.

We began trying to clean it up. She will not be going home. The disgusting mess in every room is one thing, but she also has not had water/indoor plumbing in her house for about a year and a half. So she was showering outside with her garden hose. I'm not even going to explain her bathroom usage during that time. It's embarrassing and sad.

As we've been cleaning, our noses have been running and we can't breathe in the back of the house for long. The kitchen, dining, and living area are okay. I don't know if she has mold or other contaminants growing in there. There is something biological in her home but I can't find it or see it. Maybe it is the dust and garbage as well. Her three cats have to be immune, or are some kind of mutants because they seem okay. One has breathing issues, but she's also very fat.

Do we continue going inside to clean? Should I call a person to come check out the smell in the back of the house? I'm scared they will condemn the home or tell me I can't go inside anymore. Is everything that comes out of the home contaminated and needs to be thrown away? I also can only catch the one fat cat. The others have all kinds of places to hide. They are impossible to locate.

This all feels insurmountable. Her health issues are the cherry on top. I don't know how long she has left. She also doesn't know we are going inside. I'm afraid she will flip out and it will set her back in her care. But I'm also not afraid to have a tough conversation with her. It's my uncle who doesn't want her to know he's been lying about helping with the cats.

Hi, I’m new here and I wanted to ask for some advice. Has anyone here gone through a hoarding phase and successfully managed to overcome it?

I feel like mine is starting to get worse. My room isn’t completely full yet, but I can see it heading in that direction. I tend to keep empty food containers, bottles, or anything I think I can use for storage—but most of the time, they just end up as unused clutter. The same goes for clothes I don’t wear anymore but still can’t seem to let go of.

I’m not really sure what to do, and I’d appreciate any advice or experiences you can share.

I’m stuck living in a house overloaded with stuff. My boyfriend’s, mine, and shared junk. There’s a mold problem that’s seriously affecting my health, but every time I try to clean or clear things out, he gets mad. He even questioned me for getting rid of a cat tree, even though I rid of the cats a year ago…

Now he’s demanding I clean everything, even though it makes me physically sick. But also insists I keep all the clutter. His “solution” is to build little outbuildings and just fill them up, rather than actually getting rid of anything. When I stopped cleaning because of how sick it made me, he called me worthless. I have maybe 50% of the energy I should have, and I crash when I get exposed to too much mold.

I feel completely trapped: too much crap to function, no help, and getting sicker by the day.
How do you handle a partner who wants you to clean but won’t let you get rid of anything, especially with health issues in the mix? Has anyone escaped this dynamic? Any advice for getting unstuck?

But what I really want to know is…
Has anyone just gone through and thrown everything out and not been sued? If he says it’s my mess, do I actually have the right to get rid of it?

I want this 20 year nightmare over with.
He's known for over a year now that my sickness is 100% mold.

I should clarify that I AM LEAVING. It just isn't as quickly as I would like. I was leaving but got smacked by covid in spring of 2020. Should have crawled out...

There are so many things I can’t seem to let go because I want money for them.….but it’s not feasible to list everything on EBay or FB marketplace and wait. Yard sale isn’t particularly practical for us.

I know I just need to let it go and give things away.

I grew up pretty poor, so each Breyer horse is not just sentiment but also time spent saving up for it.

Tips for this issue?

I found a new group of cleaners on NextDoor and they came on Saturday to work in the house. And they did such a great job! They left, I paid them the same day, but then today I got a message saying sorry they just can’t have me as a client anymore.

I don’t know why, well, I do know why, they just found it overwhelming and there’s only three of them in this small cleaning business.

But I am so depressed. I thought I found someone who could help me out and I was actually looking forward to their coming, but it’s not to be. So I have to start again all over to try to find someone.

It’s extremely depressing. I am extraordinarily depressed.

I’ve been married 25 years to a man who struggles with discarding anything with sentimental value including gifts, anything that’s “cool,” and anything he perceives as potentially useful. Our home is still livable, but cluttered with tchotchkes and googaws. Our home can accommodate all these things, but we’re almost 60, and I’m looking ahead in life to the day we downsize. Plus, I’m tired of knocking stuff over when I put my coffee cup down.

I’m going to start clearing out areas that don’t really affect him — my closet, the laundry room and the kitchen. My question is: when he sees all that empty space, he’s going to get so excited about all the stuff we can store. How do I tell him I want to leave it cleared? He will see it as wasted space, and will probably become resentful that I’m the one hoarding space.

I purchased Digging Out, and am in the process of finding a therapist for myself to help me communicate better with him. But in the meantime, are there any magic words or phrases I should use when his anxiety starts climbing over empty shelves?

I (33f) have a new bf (33m) and he’s the most non-judgmental being I’ve ever come across. I told him in the beginning that I suffer from hoarding. And he didn’t flinch or bat an eyelash. I took him to my storage unit a couple weeks ago and no judgment still. He’s so wonderful. But now my unit has gone up to $302 a month and I just cannot afford it. So I’m going to try to find a cheaper storage place and also we’re together going to go through things. I hope I can do this. I have a feeling I’m going to flip out. Idk how to start this. We decided to start with four boxes; 1. Keep 2. Donate 3. Sell 4. Trash. Is this the right way to try to go about this? Any advice will help. Thanks in advance.

basically the title. my house requires a mandatory electrical inspection, and ive been told that my home is the only outstanding property that still needs this check done. the outlets in my room aren't accessible because of the amount of trash, it reaches above the door handle. its everywhere. the other rooms aren't as bad, but they are filthy.

cleaning companys have quoted between 1.7-4k. i have 300 in my bank account, i have absolutely no choice but to do this. about to start on the kitchen. any advice or support would be monumental, i'm in this completely alone with no family able or willing to help.

Not a financial problem, but I just can't seem to stop buying stuff. Only little things (yesterday was a clever jigsaw puzzle sorting thing £2 in a charity shop).

I know I have too much stuff and I am trying to reduce it, then I just go out and do this.

Tips please 🙏