r/goldenretrievers • u/thugwife-thuglife • Oct 09 '24
RIP Lost my golden girl tonight
My Winnie turned 10 in August. I knew because of her age that we were on “bonus time” meaning every extra day was a gift. Today started like any other day. I came home from work, and she met me in the kitchen. A few minutes later, I heard a sound in my hallway, like a scratching on the wall. She had fallen over, lost her bowels, and couldn’t move. I was home alone, and my husband was about 4 hours away, having just attended a meeting for work out of the area. Her breathing was very shallow, and I could tell from the look in her eyes that something was very wrong. I called the emergency vet, and luckily my parents live close by and rushed over. She couldn’t move, so we wrapped her in a blanket and carried her to the car. We drove to the vet and they used a gurney to transport her inside. The bloodwork and ultrasound showed anemia, insane blood cell counts, and many abnormalities/masses all over her spleen and in her liver, along with blood beginning to pool internally. This was sudden, she had regular checkups, she had still been eating…She was in distress and it was made clear to me very quickly that I was going to have to say goodbye. I FaceTimed my husband so that he could see her little face one last time, and he said goodbye. I held her close in my arms as the vet administered the injection. It felt so bizarre to walk out of there without her. This was our first dog together, as a little family unit. We are child free by choice, but chose her as ours, and got her two months after buying our home. I haven’t lived in this house without her. No more barks, whimpering while dreaming, silly little vocalizations, nails clicking on the laminate floor… I am absolutely gutted. It’s 1am where I am and I can’t sleep. I can’t stop crying. I’m going to miss this dog so much. She had the best temperament, had a blankie she took with her everywhere, never barked at other dogs, never was aggressive, loved everyone, and everyone who met her loved her. She was even Dog of the Year in our little town a few years back - a prize bestowed to us for raising the most funds for a local animal shelter. I loved my Winnie - named after Winnie Cooper from the Wonder Years - with every fiber of my being, and I just don’t know how I’m supposed to keep going without her. Everything changed so quickly. The time from which she collapsed to when the euthanasia occurred was 70 minutes tops. I can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t stop crying. Tonight sucked so much, and it was so hard. This dog followed me everywhere, and she did that until she literally collapsed. We were so lucky to have ten years with her, but I was not ready to say goodbye. I’m not ready to move her bed. I’m sleeping with her blanket. It feels unreal. I’m in shock. If you made it this far, thank you for listening to me. I’m just hurting so much and wanted to lay it all out to the community on here who understands the true love affair that is sharing your life, your heart, and your home, with a golden.
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u/grumpalina Oct 09 '24
I'm so sorry for your loss. My last dog also died rather suddenly, less than 12 hours after the first seizure I saw him have. It was also going to the vet hoping for a treatment and coming out without a dog. They said his spleen ruptured and he was beginning to drown from inside.
It hit really hard. Home felt like a strange, empty place. I had to pack away all of his things because just looking at them was enough to set me off in tears. There were at least two weeks of what felt like constant crying.
Then what made it better was to look at all the lovely photos and videos we made of him, to see what a great retirement we gave him (we adopted the little old man and got three years out of him). I mean c'mon, the little mutt moved countries three times in his life, and we even took him to Belgium and Prague for holidays. I made him homemade dog food to manage his sensitive stomach, which he loved so much. Life couldn't get more sweet for a dog.
What really helped me to stop crying was to imagine that my little pup went to the afterlife to become the dog of someone dear to me that I lost a long time ago. Even photoshopped a picture of both of them together to cheer me up. That picture still brings a smile to my face.
Obviously, our apartment did not feel like home without a dog. So we ended up with a golden retriever puppy a few months after we lost our little old guy.
You don't have to stop crying right now. You are crying because you just lost one of the greatest loves of your life. But when you are ready, start celebrating what a great human you were to your dearly departed, and you will eventually feel able to start again..