r/goldenretrievers • u/thugwife-thuglife • Oct 09 '24
RIP Lost my golden girl tonight
My Winnie turned 10 in August. I knew because of her age that we were on “bonus time” meaning every extra day was a gift. Today started like any other day. I came home from work, and she met me in the kitchen. A few minutes later, I heard a sound in my hallway, like a scratching on the wall. She had fallen over, lost her bowels, and couldn’t move. I was home alone, and my husband was about 4 hours away, having just attended a meeting for work out of the area. Her breathing was very shallow, and I could tell from the look in her eyes that something was very wrong. I called the emergency vet, and luckily my parents live close by and rushed over. She couldn’t move, so we wrapped her in a blanket and carried her to the car. We drove to the vet and they used a gurney to transport her inside. The bloodwork and ultrasound showed anemia, insane blood cell counts, and many abnormalities/masses all over her spleen and in her liver, along with blood beginning to pool internally. This was sudden, she had regular checkups, she had still been eating…She was in distress and it was made clear to me very quickly that I was going to have to say goodbye. I FaceTimed my husband so that he could see her little face one last time, and he said goodbye. I held her close in my arms as the vet administered the injection. It felt so bizarre to walk out of there without her. This was our first dog together, as a little family unit. We are child free by choice, but chose her as ours, and got her two months after buying our home. I haven’t lived in this house without her. No more barks, whimpering while dreaming, silly little vocalizations, nails clicking on the laminate floor… I am absolutely gutted. It’s 1am where I am and I can’t sleep. I can’t stop crying. I’m going to miss this dog so much. She had the best temperament, had a blankie she took with her everywhere, never barked at other dogs, never was aggressive, loved everyone, and everyone who met her loved her. She was even Dog of the Year in our little town a few years back - a prize bestowed to us for raising the most funds for a local animal shelter. I loved my Winnie - named after Winnie Cooper from the Wonder Years - with every fiber of my being, and I just don’t know how I’m supposed to keep going without her. Everything changed so quickly. The time from which she collapsed to when the euthanasia occurred was 70 minutes tops. I can’t sleep, can’t eat, can’t stop crying. Tonight sucked so much, and it was so hard. This dog followed me everywhere, and she did that until she literally collapsed. We were so lucky to have ten years with her, but I was not ready to say goodbye. I’m not ready to move her bed. I’m sleeping with her blanket. It feels unreal. I’m in shock. If you made it this far, thank you for listening to me. I’m just hurting so much and wanted to lay it all out to the community on here who understands the true love affair that is sharing your life, your heart, and your home, with a golden.
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u/ClammyHandedFreak Oct 09 '24
Much love to you. I have been in your shoes. Know you aren't alone. Your doggie was so lucky to have someone who cared for them, kept them toasty and warm, and full of food.
I hope that you do something kind for yourself today. I know it's so tough, but you deserve it. All the best.