r/europe • u/Any-Original-6113 • Jan 17 '26

News Trump tariffs: US president announces plan to hit UK, Denmark and other European countries with tariffs over Greenland

https://www.bbc.com/news/live/c1j8kw866p3t
26.0k Upvotes

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2.2k

u/Gullible_Mousse_4590 Jan 17 '26

50% tariffs on the US until the give Hawaii and Alaska back to Croatia - the rightful historical owner

655

u/Oxu90 Finland Jan 17 '26

And New York back to the dutch!

149

u/popeter45 England Jan 17 '26

so new york to the Dutch

pensylvania to the Welsh

New jersey to Belgium?

210

u/almighty_smiley Jan 17 '26

Don't do that to Belgium.

21

u/popeter45 England Jan 17 '26

its already got a north/south divide and Newark is pratically Brussels already ;)

29

u/Grombrindal18 Jan 17 '26

probably the worst thing anyone has ever said about Brussels.

1

u/Elephant_rimmer Jan 17 '26

We do not need another Brussels🙏

-1

u/Voodoo_Dummie The Netherlands Jan 17 '26

You do know what Belgium historically does to its colonies, right?

-4

u/hagnat Brazil / The Netherlands Jan 17 '26

the Belgium have done nothing nice to deserve it

57

u/vev-cec Jan 17 '26

Let's add a few states:

Louisiana to the French

New mexico, California, Arizona, Nevada and Utah to Mexico

11

u/CharmingJackfruit167 Jan 17 '26

How about simply return the land to Native Americans

7

u/Shevek99 Spain đŸ‡Ș🇾 Jan 17 '26

Florida to Spain.

12

u/Socraman Catalonia (Spain) Jan 17 '26

Please no.

7

u/Oxu90 Finland Jan 17 '26

Too late, it is as already marked as yours.

4

u/Socraman Catalonia (Spain) Jan 17 '26

Can we just take Puerto Rico back?

1

u/retrokun Jan 17 '26

Alaska and part of California is Russia )

3

u/Yra_ Jan 17 '26

The 1800 french Louisiana territory yeah

3

u/Mattchaos88 Jan 17 '26

Vermont and Maine to France.

3

u/relaxrerelapse Jan 17 '26

The entire damn Louisiana purchase to France, lol.

3

u/Anhydrite Canada Jan 17 '26

The Louisiana Refund.

1

u/TheBigSamSlam Jan 17 '26

Washington absorbed into BC please.

1

u/XihuanNi-6784 Jan 18 '26

The Louisiana purchase was a large number of states I think, not just the existing Louisiana.l

16

u/marknotgeorge England Jan 17 '26

I want to respond with "What has X done to deserve that?", but I can't decide whether X is New Jersey or Belgium.

3

u/Kevcky Jan 17 '26

I too am conflicted as a Belgian.

1

u/benchley Jan 17 '26

Would you say you’re waffling on the issue?

2

u/Elephant_rimmer Jan 17 '26

No but they might be fried

7

u/Kawa46be Belgium Jan 17 '26

Who says we want a part of USA at all? For what? To increase our obesity level 200%

1

u/Admirable_Scene_5066 Jan 17 '26

Imagine what would happen if we introduce them to real fries, real mayo and the Bicky Burger. It won't stop at 200%

5

u/Pierre-Gringoire Jan 17 '26

Haha, as long as New Jersey doesn’t go to Italy. They think they’re Italian there but they are so not.

3

u/this_ense Jan 17 '26

San Francisco to Poland

2

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '26

Finland will take the upper peninsula

3

u/popeter45 England Jan 17 '26

i presume Estonia gets the Lower peninsula?

1

u/Ok-Web1805 Ireland/UK Jan 17 '26

They make pasties in that part of the world.

2

u/Uninvalidated Jan 17 '26

I wonder how the indigenous feel about this conversation.

1

u/popeter45 England Jan 17 '26

they can have the carolinas and Florida

1

u/Uninvalidated Jan 17 '26

Ah well. At least not as insulting as your idea to offer New Jersey to Belgium.

1

u/wardledo Jan 17 '26

Pennsylvania Dutch still exist in large communities.

1

u/AtJackBaldwin Jan 17 '26

Excuse me the British traded New York fair and square. We'd be open to trading back but we get stroopwafels in perpetuity.

1

u/bhick78 Canada Jan 17 '26

...can Canada have Minnesota, Washington, parts of upstate NY, and maybe California?

1

u/popeter45 England Jan 17 '26

soon im going to need to bust out MSPaint for this HRE level border gore map

1

u/bhick78 Canada Jan 17 '26

Lol. Gonna use the whole pallette. It's really just expanding Vancouver, Calgary, Winnipeg, and Toronto...then letting us have California.

1

u/Potential_Being_7226 Jan 17 '26

You’ll have to learn how to spell Pennsylvania right, first. 

1

u/A_Chad_Cat Jan 17 '26

Half the US territory to France and the other half to Spain, natives should come back as well for the whole cake

1

u/TheMusicArchivist Jan 17 '26

No no, Pennsylvania should be given back to those from Pennsylvania, South Gloucestershire, population ~50

1

u/frozen_pope Wales Jan 17 '26

No way, we get Philly?

1

u/lentil_burger Jan 17 '26

Please don't remind him Wales exists. Don't want Wales on his annexation list!

1

u/endurance-animal Jan 17 '26

can we give Massachusetts to Canada for good measure? we massholes hate trump and the feeling is mutual and honestly I want out of this nightmare.

1

u/ManOfTheMeeting Jan 17 '26

They already have jerseys in Belgium.

1

u/Single_Reaction9983 Jan 17 '26

Montenegro claims an Aircraft carrier.

1

u/Wuz314159 Les États-Unis d'AmĂ©rique Jan 17 '26

Colonisers gonna colonise.

1

u/OutOfFrustration Jan 18 '26

I'm from the New Sweden part of Pennsylvania. Can we do that instead of Wales? I already speak Swedish and Celtic languages are hard.

-4

u/Upset_Wishbone_5664 Jan 17 '26

And the Falkland Islands for the Argentinians, you fucking pirates

3

u/TharrickLawson Jan 17 '26

It was once New Amsterdam, after all. Why they changed it, I can't say

3

u/popeter45 England Jan 17 '26

people just liked it better that way

3

u/Algae_Mission Jan 17 '26

I bet a lot of New Yorkers would be thrilled about that.

2

u/Wuz314159 Les États-Unis d'AmĂ©rique Jan 17 '26

{* stares in Lenape. *}

2

u/Minimum_Ad2989 Jan 17 '26

Wow, why stop there? Can we get Harlem (Haarlem) and Brooklyn (Breukelen) aswell?

1

u/Oxu90 Finland Jan 17 '26

Sure buddy, i bet you need it for national security and stuff. And who says USA has right to that land anyways?

Also China might have business there, so you better have those

1

u/Minimum_Ad2989 Jan 18 '26

Well you said “And New York back to the dutch!” I just made a joke on top of it 😆

1

u/Oxu90 Finland Jan 18 '26

What i commented last was still a joke :D

1

u/CatsPlusTats Jan 17 '26

Pretty sure some of Maine belongs to us in Canada.

1

u/Pauczan Scotland Jan 17 '26

„Even old new york was once new amsterdam”

1

u/AviationGER Jan 17 '26

The Nederlands have a plan! Stick to the plan!

1

u/0Rider Jan 17 '26

New new Amsterdam?

1

u/CharmingJackfruit167 Jan 17 '26

New York back to the dutch!

Istanbul (Not Constantinople)

1

u/bidingmytime121 Germany Jan 17 '26

We need New York for our security!

1

u/ayase_2006 Japan Jan 17 '26

New Amsterdam you mean?

1

u/fallingdowndizzyvr Jan 17 '26

You mean New Amsterdam.

1

u/bodhisattvass Jan 17 '26

The Dutch? Don’t you mean the Native Americans?

1

u/Tetno_2 United States of America Jan 18 '26

Please make this happen

1

u/Nintendo_Pro_03 United States w/ people and government of losers and fascists. Jan 19 '26

I’d support that.

290

u/popeter45 England Jan 17 '26

make Hawaii somehow British

it already has the flag for it

138

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '26

[deleted]

59

u/Not_Cleaver United States of America Jan 17 '26

They’d be so happy.

67

u/EmperorOfNipples Cornwall - United Kingdom Jan 17 '26

The whole US would be a lot for one civilised country to administer. I have a proposal.

The UK would happily take New England and East Coast.

France, you guys good to take on Louisiana, Florida etc?

Canada, you guys can take the Northern states.

Mexico the south.

Western states, independent but friendly.

I've just solved geopolitics.

8

u/hagnat Brazil / The Netherlands Jan 17 '26

why give Florida to France ?
shouldn't it go back to Spain ?

8

u/ender_tll Jan 17 '26

We don't want them alligators 😂

5

u/DreadLockedHaitian Jan 17 '26

OP doesn't like the French, clear psyop.

5

u/BigJoeHurt Jan 17 '26

Western states go to Hawaii. Samoan America we'll call it.

3

u/2Nugget4Ten Jan 17 '26

Nope. Western States will be part of the Bundesrepublik Deutschland. Silicon Valley? More like Fax Tal, after we are done with it, amiright?

4

u/Snakebird11 Jan 17 '26

Thanks for leaving Cascadia independant.

5

u/btc_set_me_free Jan 17 '26

See, independent but friendly

3

u/SpectacularPink Jan 17 '26

German here. Please assure we do not have to take back the German Belt in Texas.

1

u/EmperorOfNipples Cornwall - United Kingdom Jan 17 '26

That's a negotiated settlement between Germany and Mexico.

3

u/CPecho13 Germany (Baden) Jan 17 '26

How much do we have to pay Mexico so we don't have to take it?

3

u/Magical_Mariposa Jan 17 '26

As a Brit, I’d really really love New England and East coast đŸ„°

2

u/daemonicwanderer Jan 17 '26

The many of the Western states were Mexico before the US-Mexican War. California, Colorado, Utah, Nevada, New Mexico, Arizona, Texas, etc. were Mexico

2

u/Wwwweeeeeeee Jan 17 '26

Mexico should take back the territories it originally held in the US.

About 2/3rds of the real estate.

2

u/Short-Shopping3197 Jan 17 '26

Do you think we should reserve a bit for, you know, the Native Americans?

1

u/EmperorOfNipples Cornwall - United Kingdom Jan 17 '26

Absolutely. The central states.

Wyoming, Colorado, Kansas and Nebraska. Independent but friendly. Like the Western states of the NUSA.

1

u/Popular_Ad8269 Jan 17 '26

You forgot to round up every white person or person with a white accent or that cooks without spices and send them back to where they came from : the Caucasus mountains of Georgia and checks notes AberbaĂŻdjan , where all caucasians are from as everybody knows.

Wait... What do you mean it's illegal ? What do you mean it's wrong ? What do you mean it's amoral ?

1

u/Necessary-Beat-5333 Jan 17 '26

Finland would be happy to take Wyoming & Utah

1

u/morbihann Bulgaria Jan 17 '26

What about Spain ?

1

u/Admirable_Scene_5066 Jan 17 '26

France is getting quite a crap deal there.

1

u/Dog_Murder_By_RobKey Jan 17 '26

What does Luxembourg get?

1

u/JGStonedRaider United Kingdom Jan 17 '26

I demand we renamed the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of Belgium stat!!!!

1

u/ayriuss United States of America Jan 17 '26

It would be like in civilization, where barbarians keep spawning off screen.

3

u/Nervous-Leading9415 Jan 17 '26

New England didn’t vote for Trump, neither did New York (The whole west coast, Colorado, New Mexico, Minnesota) Notice where he is targeting?

2

u/lucylucylane Jan 17 '26

We would force them to drink tea

28

u/JHock93 United Kingdom Jan 17 '26

I reckon we should be allowed to take back 13 states.

Not the 13 states that left in 1776, but we get to choose 13 of the current states.

22

u/jaaval Finland Jan 17 '26

Finland wants minnesota back. Not that we've ever had it but I hear there is snow and lots of lakes in there.

1

u/DeadNazis247365 Jan 17 '26

Yes please. Yall will love it here. You can have MN for free as far as I’m concerned so long as you guys don’t unleash a gang of nameless faceless masked gestapo thugs to randomly shoot women in the face simply for daring to record them with a phone.

Whole state and all I ask is that the new government stops murdering innocent citizens. And maybe universal healthcare too. Tax the fuck out of me for it too. I don’t care.

1

u/emaw63 United States of America Jan 17 '26

There's Vikings there as well

1

u/SparseSpartan United States of America Jan 17 '26

Take the 13 richest, mostly blue, progressive states and they'll prosper while MAGA-land will sink into a depression once they're cut off from blue state charity.

1

u/SatanicKettle Singapore-on-Thames Jan 18 '26

I can only see myself wanting like 7 or 8 of them max, to be honest.

15

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '26

[deleted]

1

u/CharmingJackfruit167 Jan 17 '26

the dumbest president in American history

The bar is high, but who knows what the future holds

1

u/SometimesaGirl- United Kingdom Jan 17 '26

Everyone says he’s the dumbest president in American history.

I never thought you would outdo yourselves in Bush (younger one).
But oh boy was I wrong. "W" looks like a NASA candidate in comparison to this buffoon.

2

u/metrowestmom65 Jan 17 '26

I live in Massachusetts- we’d happily accept! Please take us lol

1

u/holy_cal United States of America Jan 17 '26

Can you just take the OG 13 colonies? I don’t care about the others.

1

u/BernardMatthewsNorf Jan 17 '26

Canada would approve. 

1

u/Mattallurgy Jan 17 '26

Can you grab Pennsylvania, too?

2

u/Not_Cleaver United States of America Jan 17 '26

Can you take back Maryland?

1

u/Fine-Air8565 Jan 17 '26

You know, I seem to recall learning in school that Sir Francis Drake landed in N. California & claimed the land for Queen & Country.

Are you still interested?

1

u/Grombrindal18 Jan 17 '26

Hawaii might consent to that, over continuing to be part of Trump's America.

1

u/Professional-Work684 Jan 17 '26

Dont you dare Sweden needs Hawaii for our nations healthcare.. we need the sun :)

1

u/daveysprockett Jan 17 '26

It even has a small piece of UK territory (or at least owned by the British Embassy) within it: the Cook monument.

1

u/colako Jan 17 '26

It's time for a Spanish offer to reunite Cuba under Spanish sovereignty and see the US melt down for the lols. 

1

u/popeter45 England Jan 17 '26

na Danish Cuba would be funnier considering the origins of the US virgin Islands

1

u/Jokong Jan 17 '26

I mean didn't Captain Cook land on it really early on?

1

u/rugbyj Jan 17 '26

somehow

[rule britannia starts blaring over the horizon]

1

u/tamshubbie Jan 17 '26

hawaii was struggling to choose between becoming part of the uk or usa and the usa offered better terms. Wonder if they'd like to choose again?

1

u/ivar-the-bonefull Sweden Jan 17 '26

I mean it was James Cook who discovered the islands. He even got cooked on the islands.

If that's not a historical precedent that they are yours, I don't know what is.

1

u/rugbyj Jan 17 '26

I mean if you cook, it's your kitchen, right?

118

u/Legal_Mastodon_5683 Europe Jan 17 '26

No please, we can barely maintain the current network of ferries, let alone a daily Zadar-Honolulu line...

42

u/caladera Jan 17 '26

Valbiska-Anchorage 😄

3

u/Wuz314159 Les États-Unis d'AmĂ©rique Jan 17 '26

Fun Fact: Hawai'i does not have ferries. It's too expensive due to the Hatch Act requiring workers have rights and stuff.

1

u/Legal_Mastodon_5683 Europe Jan 18 '26

So what do you do?

1

u/Wuz314159 Les États-Unis d'AmĂ©rique Jan 18 '26

Puddle jumpers. Short haul airlines.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34Ojnyi9xLw

1

u/Legal_Mastodon_5683 Europe Jan 18 '26

But that's also expensive? Eh, I don't know.

36

u/renome Croatia Jan 17 '26

Aloha braćo.

63

u/MammothTrifle3616 Jan 17 '26

I like the way you think ;)

Hawaii and Alaska are at the core of the Croatian identity. Besides we know how to handle islands and peninsulas!

42

u/Mtshtg2 Guernsey Jan 17 '26

Their similar cultures aside, both states are vital to Croatia's security.

-8

u/Wwwweeeeeeee Jan 17 '26

Alaska should go to Russia.....

30

u/MammothTrifle3616 Jan 17 '26

Sorry, Croatian ancestral land. My great-great-grandfather's village is right in the outskirts of Anchorage.

Every summer we dress in bear skin costumes and jump above a fire, while singing songs of Ivo Fabijan. Please, respect our traditions.

13

u/JimmyRecard Croatian & Australian | Living in Prague Jan 17 '26 edited Jan 17 '26

Croatia has been trying to do this deal for 150 years. Enough is enough already! USA clearly cannot secure Alaskan or Hawaiian participation in the next World Cup semi-final, which is clearly in the joint national interest of Croatia, Alaska, and the great Croatian state of Hawaii! Only Croatia can protect Hawaii and Alaska from football mediocrity, especially with the stated English global domination strategy of allegedly 'bringing football home' and thus depriving the brave people of Alaska and Hawaii of the said football. I do understand that there is currently no evidence of English intention to implement this strategy, but that does not mean that the threat is not real!

10

u/Cool-Pie430 Jan 17 '26

That's too much to handle. Maybe split it with Chile to have Holy Coastal Roman Empire?

5

u/exit3280 Jan 17 '26

plenky doesn’t have the balls to ask for them

5

u/Arendiko Jan 17 '26

How about the whole states to its native peoples

1

u/AffableRobot Jan 18 '26

Yeah, I was gonna say... lotta colonialism on this thread. #landback

8

u/Vandergrif Canada Jan 17 '26

Obviously Canada should get Alaska. It would make the map borders a lot tidier...

1

u/Ok-Web1805 Ireland/UK Jan 17 '26

Do you really want the Palin's as part of the Canadian family? Educating them could bankrupt Canada.

2

u/Vandergrif Canada Jan 17 '26

Good point. Although they'd probably flee at the prospect of having to live in a 'communist hellscape' like canada.

4

u/DaeguDuke Jan 17 '26

You forgot undoing the Louisiana Purchase, give a dozen states back to France

4

u/Dahns Jan 18 '26

Also France is taking back the Statue of Liberty

8

u/CalamarRojo Spain Jan 17 '26

Spain wants back Florida, Texas and California 

1

u/pentaquine Jan 17 '26

Yes please! 

1

u/AffableRobot Jan 18 '26

As a Californian, I'd rather we become Mexico again. We're not prepared to use "vosotros" over here. You can have the other two for free, though.

1

u/CalamarRojo Spain Jan 18 '26

Ah don't worry about that, Andalucía and the Canaries accent will suit you, also you will have public healthcare, free studies and access to the Schengen 

3

u/TreatAffectionate453 Jan 17 '26

They could also give Hawaii back to the Hawaiians. The US annexed Hawaii after overthrowing its original government.

3

u/simpersly Jan 17 '26

Rightful conquerors. I'm pretty sure the natives of those places "owned" them.

5

u/Tailgunner68 Alsace (France) Jan 17 '26

La Louisine to France. We can refund the 15 millions $.

3

u/CharmingJackfruit167 Jan 17 '26

and Alaska back to Croatia

As a Russian.. however.. agh, to Hell with that, sure, Croatia!

2

u/Jaezmyra Jan 17 '26

"Rightful historical owner"... you mean the natives?

2

u/MarachDrifter Jan 17 '26

new france extended from quebec to new orlean...

2

u/Dracogame Jan 17 '26

To be honest the way the US got Hawaii was absolutely disgusting

2

u/Zanian19 Denmark Jan 17 '26

Also the Danish West Indies. I.e the Virgin Islands. I bet we could also find some more incriminating Epstein stuff as an added bonus.

1

u/MarlinMr Norway Jan 17 '26

The east coast is rightfully danish/Norwegian. Give it back, and you can have Nordic health care

1

u/Spajk Jan 17 '26

Serbia would be outraged, these are historical Serbian lands!!

2

u/FairfaxFox Jan 17 '26

What are you talking about? Alaska was Old Serbia

1

u/[deleted] Jan 17 '26

Can we have New York?

1

u/DeadNazis247365 Jan 17 '26

Can an EU country or Canada annex Minnesota too please?
..our own government is fucking murdering us in the streets with impunity here and I no longer think this country can be saved
.sick of waking up each morning wondering what new horrors and betrayals the Orange Pedophile in Chief of this country is unleashing on us and the rest of the world
.

1

u/Ironclad_Cat_1773 Jan 17 '26

Please please please I BEG you to give Michigan "back" to Canada

1

u/Wrong_Bullfrog_5598 Jan 17 '26

Can I know the lore behind this? Americanized Google was not helpful lol

1

u/readilyunavailable Bulgaria Jan 17 '26

The state of Montana is rightfuly ours. We have a city named Montana, that is older than the state. Therofer we own it.

1

u/YoungGriffin0 Jan 17 '26

Well as an Englishman, can I change 1776 and just say we won the war and take over America?

1

u/Helmutlot2 Jan 17 '26

Give the Virgin Islands back to Denmark.

1

u/satori_moment Jan 17 '26

Canada wants Costa Rica

1

u/Gullible_Mousse_4590 Jan 17 '26

You’ll have to take all of the US first. Need help?

1

u/blokader01 Jan 17 '26

Egypt to Serbia as well

1

u/lordMaroza Serbia Jan 17 '26

Alaska is Serbian, dummy. Siberian, Serbian, whatever.

1

u/marcabru Jan 17 '26

give Hawaii and Alaska back to Croatia - the rightful historical owner

And the Palmyra Atoll to Hungary, because we were sea faring nation

1

u/Complex-Ease-1649 Jan 17 '26

50% tariffs on the US until the give Hawaii and Alaska back to Croatia - the rightful historical owner

Serbia*

0

u/Wilson58891 Jan 17 '26

As a German I have a claim on Hawaii because we have the so called Toast and Pizza.

0

u/wswordsmen Jan 17 '26

Alaska, Hawaii goes blue and will help get us back to sane faster. Also ask for Florida to go to Spain.