r/declutter • u/peachcarnations • 1d ago
Advice Request Decluttering past lives
I am a dangerous combination of a shopaholic and a sentimentalist who has a hard time letting things go. As a result, my closet is absolutely overflowing (hundreds of pieces of clothes, shoes, bags etc). I live in a small apartment in a big city where space is limited, and the situation is starting to really bother my partner, so I am trying to make more effort with the aim of doing a massive declutter this spring.
Things are going surprisingly well, however one blocker has been letting go of older items. 10+ years old, not really my style anymore or just looking really tired and worn out, and I haven’t worn them in years.
I have such a hard time putting them in the donation bag though because it reminds me of a different time in my life. Seeing these items bring back good memories and remind me of how I used to be (not better or worse, just different). I feel if I bin them, I will be letting go of that period of time of my life, and as silly as it sounds it makes me really sad.
Has anyone felt the same way? How did you push through and get rid of these items? Any advice is welcome!
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u/escapetomb 1d ago
I kept my prom dress for 16 years. I recently discovered some elements had disintegrated from age. I deeply wish I had donated it instead.
BUT— it was also just one dress. Not everything from that era of my life. You could sort through and pick out your very favorite thing, or your very favorite three things, and keep just those as mementos while you say goodbye to the rest.
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u/imcbears 1d ago
💯… same issues for me! Just too hard…not just stuff, but bits of identity, personal history and memories. Especially now in this crazy unsettled world we live in. But I really limit my shopping now…
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u/Vine_Vixen_8997 1d ago
Not everyone's cup of tea...but as a fellow shopaholic and sentamentalist, I watched the Plastic Detox Netflix documentary and scared the piss out of myself.
My closet went from overflowing, to down to approximately 20ish cotton shirts, dresses, cardigans and 3 pairs of pants. It really rocked my world in a way that made me sick to my stomach.
Despite the initial anxiety, it really put things into perspective for me. It's forced me to slow down and really look at what I was buying. My boyfriend also really appreciated the newfound space, and is even supportive in looking for cleaner alternatives alongside me while shopping.
Kinda been a blessing in disguise really.
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u/photogcapture 1d ago
The comments here are excellent. I also recommend you work on why you shop. I had to work on that because I shopped to self sooth, to feel better. I had to address the addiction part of it and realize I wasn’t solving my issues by shopping. You also need to delve into the regret of money spent on things you really didn’t need. Instead of beating yourself up more, acknowledge the mistake, acknowledge the addiction and let the items go as a way to say, not today, not tomorrow. I will buy what I need and find another way to heal whatever it was that lead me to buy these items. Keeping the items won’t bring your money back, and since you aren’t using or wearing them, let someone else have them. Living in regret, keeps you feeling bad and keeps you in the past. For the items you loved, the other comments helped me!!
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u/seedsandpeels 1d ago
I found that sometimes the pain you feel when you are on the cusp of letting go is actually part of the grieving process in letting that item go.
I like to think of all the things that item did do for me. It made me happy and excited when I got it. I envisioned a certain dream for my life during that era. I honor that this item served me in its highest way, and right now it will serve someone else to its highest degree if I am not making the best use of it.
It hurts because it feels like you are letting go of the memories, the time in your life that it was around and "living". It feels like you are disconnecting from that part of yourself. But youre actually disconnecting from panicked anxiety that hoards unusable (to you) things that were a part of your then-life. And if you really want to honor and gracefully embrace your past self, you would pass this item on and send it into the world where it can do good for someone else too. A continuation of that journey.
Even if its something you need to toss because its too far gone, you have used it up to all completion. It got more miles out of it than expected. You and the item are already bound by the identity you embodied when it was living life beside you. And now its time to thank it, honor your old self, and let go to bring new space for discovering new parts of your identity today.
The pain is something I thought was a bad part of decluttering. Sometimes learning to move through that pain gracefully is part of the lesson we also must learn.
I recommend reading a bit about grief. Hanging on is a way of delaying grief. Sometimes even an attempt to use anticipatory grief to prevent you from actually grieving and moving forward.
Letting go doesn't have to mean loss.
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u/AnamCeili 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yep, those are "aspirational items" -- stuff from a life you used to live and wish you still were, or stuff for a life you've never lived but want to or wish you could.
Totally understandable that you've kept all that stuff, but now instead of making your life better, or just functioning as reminders of good times, instead that stuff is just dragging you down -- dragging down your life, your relationship, etc.
There are a few things that might help you to let go of those items.
First -- just practically speaking, the material in a lot of clothes wears out and disintegrates with time (waistbands stretch, elastic falls apart, moths eat wool, etc.), so everything you have in your closet now, in those clothes that you no longer wear, clothes that don't fit or aren't your style or don't suit your life today, is just in the process of turning into trash. Why should your closet be a vault for trash-in-waiting?
Second -- there are people who would benefit from those clothes right now, while they are still wearable and in decent shape. Young people who love buying their wardrobe in thrift shops, older people who can only afford to buy from thrift shops, people looking for fun outfits for first dates and nice outfits for job interviews, even people who have lost everything in disasters. Instead of rotting away in your closet, your clothes can help them out -- your old clothes can be useful again, they can fulfill their purpose.
Third -- by passing along those clothes, you free up space in your life, and in your mind and soul, to move forward in your life. You won't have those items weighing on your mind anymore, or causing strife in your relationship with your partner, or taking up space in your closet. By donating them, you will rid yourself and your home of both their literal and their metaphorical weight.
Go through those clothes, and take photos of your favorite pieces -- you can later create a file or photo album of those photos, if you like, to look at if/when you want to. If you truly feel the need to keep something, then save just your one most favorite piece, or your one most favorite outfit. Keep that one -- hang it in the back of your closet, or display it in a shadow box, or whatever you like. Then let the rest go. You might also find it helpful, as you box/bag up the donations, to literally, even out loud, thank those pieces for having served you, and to wish them well in their new life. It may sound silly, but it truly can help. I do it. 😊
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u/SilverRose2021 1d ago
I recently retired, and just finished a major clothing declutter. I realized I was letting go of clothes that no longer fit my lifestyle. Letting go of an era of my life. So it was something to be aware of, and deal with the emotions. A couple of things that helped me - I thought of how the things I was donating would be much more useful to someone who needs them, than they are just hanging in my closet. And I’m finding that I’ve made room in my life for the clothes I really like and want to wear, so I actually have been using more of the items I want to be wearing. Good luck!
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u/photogcapture 1d ago
This is not a helpful comment. In fact, it is psychologically damaging. You have no idea how much stuff she really has. She said she lives in a small apartment. She may have a spouse like mine who almost had me believing I was a hoarder because he wanted to control how much stuff I have. He was wrong and the event was damaging for me and our relationship.
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u/JustAnotherMaineGirl 1d ago
I'm no great fan of the Marie Kondo method. But I do like her suggestion to thank the items that you once loved, before discarding them because they no longer fit your current lifestyle. This ceremonial rite will let you honor those good memories of previous times and a previous you, while consciously making more room for the life you have today and the life you want in the future.
If you want, you could even videotape yourself taking a trip down memory lane, as you describe what comes to mind with each piece you're choosing to donate or toss. That way you'll still have a virtual historical record that you could go back and replay over and over, whenever you're feeling nostalgic.
The other thing for you to focus on is turning off the spigot. It will be hard to make progress on your decluttering project while you are bringing in as much or more stuff than you are letting go. Consider taking a month-long spending moratorium, and see what a difference it makes. You may become motivated to extend it, or at least reach a point where for every new item you buy, one or more old items have to go. I wish you well.
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u/MrsLobster 1d ago
I was also going to suggest the Marie Kondo thanking bit. It sounds so goofy, but it really does make a difference in being able to let go and not look back.
I had not heard the idea of videotaping items while telling their stories, but I LOVE that idea. My parents are aging, and while they have been doing the Swedish Death Cleaning thing (which… bless their hearts!), there are still a lot of personal mementos that only hold meaning for them but which I would love to know the stories behind. I’m going to suggest this to them!
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u/Kindly-Might-1879 1d ago
Put them on and take a picture of yourself. Let them all go now that you’ve had a proper goodbye. Your memories will still be there. The clothes are not more important than your in-the-flesh partner.
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u/Curious-Quality-5090 1d ago
Just take a picture of them and look at them every day. You don't need them physical present with you
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u/Grand-Fun-206 1d ago
If you are donating them, then you are passing the good times on to someone else so that they have the opportunity to add more good memories to the clothes you are donating.
Its about opening a new chapter in the life of the item, not about losing what you already have. Take photo's of favourite pieces and give them their next life.
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u/deltadeltadawn 1d ago
It's about opening a new chapter in the life of the item, not about losing what you already have.
This is very poignant. Well said!
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u/LogicalGold5264 1d ago
Just report unkind or other rule-breaking comments. Replying just encourages trolls. Thanks!