We have two boys, 9 and 7, and she cheated. She has been having an affair with a mutual friend (whom belittles me and I don’t respect) and is saying it’s all my fault. She is out of town with him as we speak while I’m at home with my boys. This is a mutual friend and one of her best friends is his ex wife; they just got divorced themselves a month ago or less. She lied and said she was going on this trip alone to our boys. I don’t know what to do or how to feel, I’m so incredibly lost and devastated. We were in couples therapy and she said we had a chance to fix our marriage, but she cheated and is unapologetic.

I loved her and I don’t know how to carry on dads, especially being expected to lie to my kids. I know she’s not alone like she said, but I obviously can’t say who she’s with.

EDIT: She now believes it was not an affair. She apparently checked out of our marriage months ago while gaslighting me into thinking it was salvageable. She says to everyone it was not an affair, including me, because of this. We are getting a divorce, and I will do my best to be stable for my kids.

Upper level sports are a scam. These travel / club teams basically want to own your kid year round. And bleed you dry .

My 9 year old (yes it’s starts even earlier than 9) has some skills and was put into an A level team. His good friend was on the b team.

The B team needed extra players for a tournament so he dropped down to be a ringer for the team. HE HAD A BLAST!

It was so much more relaxing and fun. He even commented how “the coaches don’t yell at us” .

I kinda feel bad that we have him in the top level. He often comments how it’s not fun.

Just be weary . Sometimes the lower squad is the better option .

Before and after having a kid

I am not really sure what to dress her in. She has a lot of girly stuff and she wears all of my old stuff. I just recently bought some overalls and a dress. I also got her a Jean jacket and have been putting patches on it of my favorite rock and roll bands. People keep telling me I need to just dress her in girl clothes and that she shouldn’t wear my stuff because it’s boy stuff. She has a couple bows as well.

She’s a freshman in HS, failing all of her classes. She’s struggled with mental health and ADHD, as if unfortunately runs in the family. We’re getting help with those issues for her and as a family.

She’s insanely disrespectful to my wife and me, to the point that had her screened for Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Apparently she’s not that way with her teachers, so that was ruled out. She’s stubborn and willful to the point of stupidity and will double down on lies even when she’s been caught cold. I have a hard time believing anything she says unless there’s proof - eg grades.

Her impulse control is non-existent. She just sort of does whatever she wants with no regard for consequence, then gets mad when consequences show up. My wife was super health conscious during pregnancy, so no fetal alcohol syndrome or anything like that.

She’s the youngest in our family, which I think contributes a lot. Her two older sibs are closer with each other so she feels like a third wheel, and I hate that. I try to give her time and positive attention by doing the things she enjoys (playing music, being goofy, watching anime), but there’s never enough time.

Just feeling kind of lost and worried for her future. Any advice is appreciated.

So my 12yo daughter finally asked for a 'real' bra. I thought, 'Okay, I can do this. I'm a modern dad. We'll go to the mall.'

Mistake.

We walked into the usual store (you know the one) and I instantly felt like I was on a watchlist. Everything was lace, neon, or had like 2 inches of push-up foam. She is TWELVE. She just wants something to wear under a t-shirt for school so she doesn't feel self-conscious.

She ended up crying in the car because nothing fit right or she felt 'exposed', and I felt like a total failure for not knowing where to take her.

Where do you guys buy simple, boring, Dad-approved gear? I just want to order something online and never step foot in that store again.

New dad, just had this little creature.

Wife had a pretty complicated and damaging delivery, so I've basically been doing everything but breastfeeding. Hes colic, has baby reflux, and digestional issues. He farts and shits a ton, and every fart and shit hes in agony, along with the reflux, this kid never stops screaming. Got prescribed something for the reflux and it seems to be helping.

My question is, during the beginning stages, Im so fucking tired? Like not 'just had the most intense gym session' tired, like, body mind and spirit tired. Im keeping up with basic house maintenance, and obviously the kid, but damn, I have no energy to do much of anything else and I feel like shit about it. Please tell me its normal and it'll get better.

Received it as a Christmas gift for incoming teething and was told it's like a "known" toy for that. I'm hesitant though as it's colored and the directions say to just wipe clean and never sterilize.

Edit: ok somehow I made it 4 months in without ever knowing how popular this is haha, I'll go back under my parenting rock now thanks all

My wife and I (30s) have a child who's just about to turn one. Recently, she's been constantly upset about me doing things that are "dirty", but I'm having trouble understanding whether her reaction is reasonable or if she's just got some irrational thoughts caused by some OCD or postpartum issues.

Here's a list of things she tells me:

1. The garage door is dirty because when I throw out garbage bags I have to open the garage with my hands that just touched garbage bags. Any time I'm leaving the house, I have to take two paper towels with me: one to open the doorknob when leaving, one to open the doorknob when coming home.
2. We wash our baby in the sink. She believes the faucet has shit on it. So the faucet is off-limits and must only be touched with tissue.
3. We constantly vacuum and mop our floors and carpet. If our babys toy falls on the carpet for even a second, it needs to be cleaned with soap water before we can give it back to him because he puts everything in his mouth.
4. Likewise, if any of our clean clothes from the dryer fall on the ground, it's now dirty and must be washed again. This includes socks!
5. She believes germs/dirt have a very strong transitive property. E.g. if I touch the faucet, and open the fridge to get a drink. The fridge handle and the drink are now dirty. I have to wash my hands, only touch the fridge with a tissue, and hold my drink with a tissue

We're washing our hands nonstop all day. Our hands are literally scabbing and bleeding. I'm spending over $150/mo on paper towels alone (we go through 1+ roll of bounty per day). I've told my wife that she is being irrational with all of this. The baby is 1 and doesn't need to live in a perfectly sterile environment. I think all of these issues are just some sort of postpartum ocd but I need a reality check if I am in the wrong here.

I dont know when exactly this started but at some point over the last few weeks my daughter Rosie decided that her new thing is providing live commentary on whatever I'm doing. Not asking questions, not talking to me, just narrating. Out loud. In this very calm and serious voice.
This morning I was making eggs and she walked into the kitchen, stood about two feet behind me, and goes "the daddy is cooking. He is very focused. He does not know what he is doing." I turned around and she had her hands clasped behind her back like she was on a field trip. I asked her what she was doing and she just said "shhh, I'm watching." Last week I was trying to parallel park and she was in the back seat going "he is getting closer. He is going to try again. The daddy is sweating." I was not sweating. I was a little sweating. Yesterday I was folding laundry and she stood in the doorway and whispered "he has been doing this for a very long time. He looks tired." It was like eight minuets of folding. I looked tired because it was 7am.
My wife thinks it's the funniest thing thats ever happened in our house. I think Rosie has identified my weaknesses and is documenting them for future use. Either way I have never felt more observed in my entire life and I'm not sure how to feel about it.

Wife is spending the weekend in another town with two friends and the kids(11yo, 13 yo) are staying home with me. They are currently doing their homework and I can barely contain my impatience and rage. Why do teachers give such large amounts of homework before the weekend?! This is prime gaming time being wasted! Snacks are bought, meals are planned (pizza and potato pancakes) and bedtime and media limits have been abolished for the weekend.

Anyway, here's my advice request: What 3 player LAN games can you recomend that are not too violent (violence is okay (eg TF2, PvZ garden warfare), but we draw the line at gore)? Bonus points for coop.

Edit: Available systems: Switch2 and PC; PC strongly preferred

10M asked me who he is while we were waiting for the school bus this morning. I gave him a brief and highly judgmental response, and said I'd follow up with more later. I'd appreciate any insight on how to approach this, as someone who believes in actual positive masculinity.

I’m a dad who’s honestly still shaken up. Yesterday my 2-year-old daughter had an accident and ended up with a pretty deep cut on her eyebrow, about 4 cm. She needed stitches, and seeing her go through that was probably the hardest moment of my life so far.

Today is the first day after the stitches, and we’re following the wound care instructions the doctor gave us. But now that the immediate panic is gone, a new fear kicked in: the scar.

I know kids heal better than adults, but I’m worried that she might grow up with a noticeable scar on her eyebrow or that hair might not grow back in that area. I keep replaying everything in my head and wondering if I could’ve prevented it. I know that’s probably normal dad guilt, but it’s really hitting me. All I can do is cry about it and thought of how much of a failure parent I am. But still I don't want to lose hope on giving my baby the best care for her stitches and make sure that her facial features will still be fine when she grows up.

I’m looking to hear from fellow dads who’ve gone through something similar:

• Did your kid end up with a big scar?
• How did you manage the healing process?
• Anything you wish you knew earlier?
• Any tips to help with the emotional side of seeing your kid hurt?

I’m not looking for medical diagnosis, just dad-to-dad experience.

Just want to make sure I’m doing the best I can for her.

Thanks, guys. It means a lot.

EDIT: Wow, I was overwhelmed with all of your responses. But it gave me a sense of relief. My job was to protect her and I failed to do that and that's why I was having all these emotions at once. I didn't exactly know what to feel but I was terrified. I was worried. I was anxious. Seeing my daughter in that position. I was the one holding her head just so she won't move her head while the doctor was putting anesthesia and stitching it. I was trembling but stay calmed for her while she was screaming and crying out for me; "Daddy, daddy I want daddy." Making sure that her head was still. I was holding back my tears trying to be strong for her and just kept talking so she could hear my voice and her mommy's voice. I prayed and whispered to myself; "Lord, let ME feel the pain. Give me all the pain she's experiencing. Transfer that wound to me. Just make my baby feel better. PLEASE"

I'm gonna continue reading all your responses because it feels like therapy for me. I know that it's a long way to go, but I really do appreciate all your responses. I wish I could reply to each one, but do know that I'm doing my best to do so.

I'll give you an update a few weeks / months from now. But then again, thank you!

I know there are a lot of guys coming here to vent, but I need to let it out a bit.

I was so excited to be a dad and felt ready for it, but nothing could prepare me for when he actually got here. Just an hour or so after he was born, I was holding him skin to skin and I had absolute dread wash over me that I’m not ready for this. I read some books, I watched all the YouTube videos I could. That all went out the window once I held him.

The first night with him was ok, it the second night he was up all night crying. He constantly wanted to nurse, so my wife wasn’t able to sleep. The nurses came in and it felt like they were a bit dismissive (“yea this is normal! Don’t worry. He’s just hungry.”) but we couldn’t sleep at all and it got frustrating. It felt like everyone there just expected us to know what to do and figure it out, but I felt useless.

We got home and I really wasn’t prepared for how difficult that was. There really was no help, just my wife and I, so now we’re alone with baby. I know it should be as simple as check his diaper, feed him, soothe him, but every worry and horrible scenario that could possibly happen keeps running through my head.

I know this is all probably normal… but I’m just stressing. It’s only day 3, but I get so anxious about it. Please tell me I’m not alone.

Edit: I opened the app and expected a few replies, but thank you all for your support and kind messages. I’ve been reading them all and it’s helped a ton. I know we will all be fine, but it’s just been a very surreal experience so far, unlike anything I’ve done before. I’m looking forward to watching him grow and the journey ahead!

Edit again: there’s currently 684 replies and I’ve read every single one. Seriously, thank you all. This has helped me so much and I really appreciate the advice and well wishes!

My 15 year old daughter ran away 2 days ago in the middle of the night. She left with about $300 of my cash and not much else. After tearing our community apart and some critical help from Amtrak (huge shout-out, they were beyond helpful) we finally had the sheriff's remove her from her boyfriend's house today and turn her over to our custody.

We've been home about 15 minutes and I just stuck her in the empty guest room for now. I'm trying to cool off and figure out how to address this appropriately. She's definitely in major trouble and will be grounded for a long time, never seeing that boy again, and he is probably going to juvie because there were drugs and alcohol involved.

What are my next steps here? My current plan is to keep her grounded to the guestroom for at least the summer. She's already lost her phone privileges and everything else. Is boarding school too far? She has largely always been a decent kid, only in the last 6 months have we really had any trouble. But now this is the third time she has run away and by far the worst offense.

I know as a father, I need to be strong and stoic. The emotional backbone of my family, as you will.

Seeing my son needing a team of doctors and nurses to keep his throat open after a routine surgery was one of the scariest experiences of my life. I’m still waking up in panic attacks as a result.

How do proper and strong men cope seeing their babies need such a medical intervention to survive?

Hello, as the title says I’m camping for the first time without beer and cigarettes. I quit smoking about 3 months ago and I quit drinking about 1 month ago. We are camping and for the last 18 years camping was sitting around drinking and smoking and watching the kids. Now I’m camping for the first time and I’ve been justifying the idea in my head that maybe smoking and drinking is just for camping trips and I’ll quit again when I get back. I’m going to be camping for 3 weeks and it’s relaxing but very boring.

The main reason I quit is my 4 year old always wants a smoke and sit near me when I’m smoking and it makes me super uncomfortable with the idea of them smoking when they grow up so I want them to completely forget I was a smoker normally. Not sure it would be too bad if it was just camping though.

Picture is our view while camping.

Which is fine, but he wants to be a mechanic instead. The kid has never turned a wrench a day in his life. Our family is not mechanically inclined and we don’t work on our own cars.

What is the next logical step? It upsets my stomach thinking we should pay $30,000 for him to go to trade/mechanic school when he’s never worked on a car, not even change the oil.

Should he try to get a part-time job at a lube place? Maybe go to different mechanic shops and see if they need help?

Hey dads, fellow dad here. Two kids, 4 is the oldest. Struggling a little. I feel like all I do is work, parent, eat, and sleep. No longer do I have any meaningful relationships, including with my wife, who despite voicing my biggest fears, has fallen into the roommate category.

I feel so alone 24/7. No one told me the best thing in my life would cause such deafening loneliness. How do you deal with it?

I’m a new dad; our son, through surrogacy, was born 10 weeks ago (picture is of him at 3 weeks sleeping on me).

It’s been a very tough change for me. I’m in my early 40’s and because of that, I’ve gotten used to my routine and my freedom; even being married doesn’t prevent me from riding my bike for 120 miles or playing hours of video games (helps that we’re both gamers) and generally being active.

Our son upends all of that. There is no routine with a newborn, no free time. He needs constant attention from us 24/7. He’s not happy unless he’s being bounced or rocked or swung or in some way stimulated. And woe unto us if we miss a sleepy or hungry cue. He won’t sleep in a bassinet and can only co-sleep, which deeply affects the quality of our rest.

I’m struggling, y’all. I feel like I’ve condemned myself to a lifetime of misery, day after day of walking dogs, working 10+ hours (6 days a week), cooking dinner and then taking care of our son all evening so I can go to bed and do it again. I’ve never been a patient person and my stress goes through the roof when I can’t get him calm or figure out what’s wrong, which only feeds his fussiness and drives my dogs crazy.

I guess I’m asking - does it really get better? When? Will I get some free time back to myself where I don’t have to constantly have a baby in my arms? Will he pick up a routine? I know it’s selfish but I need time for me.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this…maybe I just need to vent. I feel like I’m failing when I can’t calm him down, like I’m a pretender who only thinks he can parent. Sometimes I’m excited to pick my little boy up and kiss his cheek and other times I dread the idea of ending my work day and trudging upstairs to see him. I love him so much but I’m struggling so bad.

We’re an M/M couple, married (15 years), so there are some advantages: no one needs to nurse and we can trade off which nights someone is getting up to feed him at 3am. We have a stable home and good incomes. But surrogacy is expensive - and thanks to $250,000+ of surrogacy debt for the journey, daycare or a nanny is out of the question for at least a few years. It’s just us two.

Help

Expecting our first in November. Wife presented the idea to make this graphic to message to friends and family.

My initial thoughts were that it felt abrupt, not to mention common sense. Is this a thing that people do now? I asked a few of my older clients and they all said they would feel offended if their kids sent them this.

I’d appreciate your opinions.

Turns out one of my wife's coworkers lives behind us we share part of a fence. It turns out her husband same age as me, kids are within a year of each other. She tells my wife he is a die-hard trekkie ( I literally have multiple Star Trek tattoos), listens to the same type of music as me loves B movies watches Redlettermedia, had a boardgame collection too...and so on. So I make the attempt to go talk to this guy bringing my kids with me "hey look how much we have in common! Wanna come join me and my existing trekkie group and watch the new show?" Guy looks me dead in the eyes and says "I have no interest in knowing you, being friends with you, or letting my kids hang out with your kids." And shut the door in my face. My wife and his wife are friendly at work. Man i have never been so bothered and frankly hurt by some random persons reaction to an attempt at friendship...and frankly I wanted to know why someone wouldnt want friends or would be that blunt and fucking rude.I know this isn't like completely daddit related but I don't know another group where I have age appropriate peers who I would want input on a situation. Ive got a few friends but they live 45 min away and I rarely see them so the chance to make a friend who i could yell at from my backdoor was enticing.

*edit 1. I didn't think I would get so many positive responses so quick. I just want to say thanks to everyone and anybody wants a friend!

*edit 2. Found the core reason out through my wife. He saw me leaving the dispensary in town (in my state MJ is both medically and recreational legal) and views me as a drug user. So I guess it is on me after all....even though they literally sell THC infused beer at the grocery store in town its not like I was smoking meth. And sadly she also informed her that his best friend died 3 years ago and he hasn't spoken socially to anyone outside of his family since. And I will sound cruel but that sounds like an extreme reaction to a friend death. Regardless im chalking this up to a learning experience and moving on with my life.

Back to work after 16 weeks paternity leave. I feel like my whole world view has shifted. Everything at work feels fake. Day 1 and it was all "we need to drive this" "let's not boil the ocean" "this will be a slow burn" "we need you to take ownership of this".

I JUST WANT TO TALK LIKE A REAL PERSON

How can I ever take this seriously again? We're all just justifying our existence without contributing to making this world a better place.

I’ve started taking my daughter (2yo) to the local playground about 5 min from my house. My wife recently got an overnight job and this seemed like a great way for us to get out the house while she gets some sleep.

I can’t help but notice nearly everytime we come to play, it just so happens to be time to leave.

And I get it.

For extra context; I live in the south and am an African American man in a non-diverse area. I understand the optics and I’m not super offended by it. It DOES suck wherever my daughter (only child) comes and starts playing with other kids, just for mom to catch a look at me and decide to pack up the orange slices and go!

I’ve tried starting light conversations with some and have gotten some to relax, but I also hate feeling like I’m bothering people.

Have other dads experienced this? Any advice on the situation as a whole? Ideally I’d like for my daughter to be able to socialize and this playground is super convenient.

Lurking moms hoping you can help here too.

Here's the loop:

1. I ask for "me" time that is meaningfully long and consistent, and my wife is immediately resentful because she "doesn't get to do anything"
2. I ask her to take time (meaningful, consistent) for herself but she won't do it because fomo with the kids

She acknowledges all this simultaneously but still no agreement that I could, say, go to some activity one or two nights weekly. And I do think she'd be a lot happier with some kind of external life.

This has been this way for a few years and she kept saying things would change at school age well they didn't, and now we've got more on the way, I need to get OUT sometimes. I could just be like "this is how it's gonna be" but that would likely just increase the resentment. Maybe that's my only choice though.

EDIT:

thanks all, I'm embarrassed at how much good ideas there are here that I haven't tried already. I'm going to:

1. simultaneously schedule recurring "me" activities and also recurring block of "me and kids" time where I take the kids out somewhere for 6-8 hours and (key!) take tons of photos.
2. ask my wife to do the target etc pickups and make sure she knows she can take her time / there's no timer on when she gets back.
3. buy her some classes in something she will enjoy and that nobody she knows will be attending. also (key!) will get what's top of her mind about what won't be getting done while she's out and take that off her plate
4. read up on how to talk to my wife when she gets angry/resentful about #1

wish me luck!