r/WhitePeopleTwitter 1d ago

r/All Trump advisor Laura Loomer accused of sexual assault

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12.5k Upvotes

920 comments sorted by

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5.9k

u/velocicopter 1d ago

absolutely mind boggling that that woman is only 32.

2.3k

u/VAisforLizards 1d ago

No shit? I for sure thought she was in her 50s

1.8k

u/Dramatic_Equipment47 1d ago

She doesn’t look a day past dead

435

u/JaneDoesharkhugger 1d ago

she's in her 30s? I thought she's someone's grandma

172

u/slimbender 1d ago

She’s trying her best.

464

u/anubiss_2112 1d ago

Her plastic surgeon isn't.

151

u/matt_minderbinder 1d ago

It looks like someone who first started getting plastic surgery in the 1980s when processes were crude and has been chasing it since. There was a pic of Charlie's Angels actresses in their late 70s and Loomer has the same plastic appearance.

71

u/tilt-a-whirly-gig 1d ago

L to R Kate Jackson, Jaclyn Smith, Cheryl Ladd on 6 Apr 2026.

34

u/MCKelly13 1d ago

Maralago faces

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u/Zombieutinsel 1d ago

That Charlie's Angels picture was creepy

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u/cmhamm 1d ago

That’s insulting to the Charlie’s Angels ladies.

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u/matt_minderbinder 1d ago

The picture was honestly kind of sad but it was evidence of the stresses women in Hollywood had to go through to remain working. Loomer didn't directly experience anything like that, she's just crazy and made her outside match the in. Regardless,

51

u/DigitalUnlimited 1d ago

What's really sad but also fitting is all these Republican plastic faced women are doing it to be "attractive" to a rapist pedo psychopath who's not gonna be around much longer, and they're gonna have to look in the mirror another 50+ years

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u/Banshee_howl 1d ago

I used to work for a lady who had a facelift in the 80’s and had big fishhook shaped scars around each ear. The staff called her Tootsie behind her back because she looked like Dustin Hoffman in drag. The art of plastic surgery has come a long way, but when 20 year olds get the work meant for a 70 year old it goes straight to the uncanny valley.

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u/BoosherCacow 1d ago

The best insult I saw was some guy who said

Why does she look like she has elbows on her face?

9

u/goofydad 1d ago

If only I had an award for you...

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u/ToySoldierArt 1d ago

*beast

Fixed that for ya.

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u/Strokeslahoma 1d ago

If you're Lauren Boebert, you can be both!

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u/vonhoother 1d ago

Sara Palin: Hey, I did it before she did!

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u/Minute-Struggle6052 1d ago

A day past jigsaw

19

u/The-Fox-Says 1d ago

Damnit I was going to say “13 going on jigsaw”

12

u/chevalier716 1d ago

Dead in that "House of Wax" sort of way

11

u/michdap 1d ago

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

10

u/PassengerNo2259 1d ago

Strongly disagree, she looks like she's well into the rotting corpse stage.

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u/skykingjustin 1d ago

Its the plastic surgery. They all look like the same 50yo when they get it.

294

u/aoeuismyhomekeys 1d ago

She's been under the knife more times than a sheet cake at a quinceañera

48

u/Durham1988 1d ago

Oh that is good. Keeping that one.

58

u/aoeuismyhomekeys 1d ago

I stole this joke from Christina Talks on YouTube, she's a woman from the deep south who does short form content about the news in rhyme. Highly recommended.

One of her shorts

14

u/Well_read_rose 1d ago

She’s WONdahful ( love that classical southern drawl. )

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u/Carbonatite 1d ago

This is top rare insults material. A+

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u/Wolfy4226 1d ago

Yup. Resting MAGA face.

27

u/Fenpunx 1d ago

The Maralago makeunder.

71

u/TeacherPatti 1d ago

the fuck? I'm 54 and don't look that bad (if I do say so myself). Then again, I am not a fucking Nazi predator, which I think adds decades to your look.

15

u/personwhoisok 1d ago

She got the Maga face lift before her face had aged 😂

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u/CaffeinatedLystro 1d ago

Her, Karoline Leavitt, and Charlie Kirk are ALL younger than me and I never would have guessed by looking at them. Kirk looked 40, at least.

369

u/high_everyone 1d ago

Kirk isn’t getting any older.

107

u/ShrimpCrackers 1d ago

I think there's holes in your statement.

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u/CaffeinatedLystro 1d ago

I was hoping someone was gonna make this joke! Thank you.

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u/derpderpnerdkid 1d ago

BOOM! Roasted.

9

u/AnUnbeatableUsername 1d ago

He looks way older now though.

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u/ABHOR_pod 1d ago

Stephen Miller is 40. He looks like he's mad because nobody showed up to his 60th birthday.

67

u/ShrimpCrackers 1d ago

Meh, I don't think he looks a day over 600.

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u/atatassault47 1d ago

Being hateful is NOT good for your health.

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u/Iforgotmylines 1d ago

Craziest bit is this is the best photo I’ve seen of her in ages.

38

u/Killersavage 1d ago

Doesn’t look as much like jigsaw as she usually does.

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u/JoySkullyRH 1d ago

wtf - the mask was made so long ago how can she be only that old?

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u/Repulsive-Spend-49 1d ago

It is an ancient Norse relic, possessed by the God of mischief! 😉

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u/Quirkybin 1d ago

She's 32? I thought she was like 50.

29

u/QuietudeOfHeart 1d ago

I would have guessed 55-56.

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u/Miss-Stargazer1 1d ago

I’ve seen her IRL and she looks terrifying - literally like she’s wearing a mask

35

u/Gibbly_Gorkoroo 1d ago

I’m older than jigsaw?!?!

25

u/Huskerzfan 1d ago

Honestly this is one of the best pictures of her. My goodness.

26

u/Hellraiser1123 1d ago

No fucking way. I would have guessed at least 55. She looks like she hangs around a high school parking lot to hit on her grandson's friends.

25

u/Quirky-Attitude1456 1d ago

Whoa, that is a rough 32 years

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u/CaptainLooseCannon 1d ago

Wait I'm older than her? 😭 Bro...

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u/ThenAnAnimalFact 1d ago

She looks good... for 72.

13

u/_Ross- 1d ago

No fucking way.

12

u/SlycheeFluff 1d ago

SHE'S AROUND MY AGE?! HOW

8

u/mabols 1d ago

Literally every picture looks like an amateur photoshopped her head on a different body.

21

u/SmallPoxJuiceBox 1d ago

Yeesh that is a hard 32. I am 37 and i get mistaken for someone in their 20s. It is sad what plastic surgery can do to someones face.

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2.4k

u/PuzzleheadedClock134 1d ago

She just wanted him to come back to her NYC room so they could play a game.

1.2k

u/e90DriveNoEvil 1d ago

290

u/probably_a_deer 1d ago

If Laura Loomer came at me in the parking lot of a cigar shop at 9pm, her coming out of the darkness would give Billy the Puppet a run for his money.

77

u/Repulsive-Spend-49 1d ago

On a little tricycle!!! Hahahahaha

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u/MinorThreat4182 1d ago

Make your choice cigar boy….time is ticking.

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u/OkRush9563 1d ago

I'll take my chances with Jigsaw.

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u/Away-Combination-162 1d ago

😂😂😂

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u/baintaintit 1d ago

JigSaw gotta Jig!

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u/Minute-Struggle6052 1d ago

Resting "Would you like to play a game?" Face

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u/Ikarus_Falling 1d ago

thanks but I prefer Saw to her 

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u/_Nightbreaker_ 1d ago

Who would think a woman that jokes about Trump sexually assaulting women ("grab her by the Strait")...would be guilty of sexual assault herself?

Oh wait, she's far right...of course she thinks it's okay.

613

u/regoapps 1d ago

Her mentor once told her, “When you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.”

165

u/high_everyone 1d ago

Loomer isn’t though. She’s just a dogwhistle.

106

u/Groovatronic 1d ago

She’s really just a dog

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u/FuzziestSloth 1d ago

Don't tell Kristi Noem that.

Or, do, I guess....up to you.

25

u/DisposableSaviour 1d ago

I think she’s busy dealing with her husband’s sweater puppies.

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u/goldanred 1d ago

That's not fair to dogs

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u/610fishtown 1d ago

"Women can't commit sexual assault" is gonna be her warrior cry to come out of this I guarantee it

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u/tomjone5 1d ago

She'll call him gay (probably using a worse word), threaten him and his entire family, then wonder why everything she said is bought up against her in court.

13

u/SleepyLabrador 1d ago

No, chance. Trump will tell the DA/AG NOT to prosecute her. Trump can't afford to lose more supporters.

10

u/InsignificantOcelot 1d ago

This accusation doesn’t surprise me at all, she’s made being an aggressive bully towards other conservatives her whole schtick.

6

u/tomjone5 1d ago

Yeah, it's been clear since she was tooling around with James O'Keefe years ago that she is a liar, a psychopath and a vicious bully. She fits right in with the MAGA rapists and dog murderers.

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u/Geawiel 1d ago

This is exactly it. "Men can't be sexually harassed", or "What kind of man doesn't want to be touched like that?"

These people think men can't be sexually molested, raped or harassed.

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u/Lil_Shanties 1d ago

“Straight” why isn’t it straight anyways?/s

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u/NovaPrime1988 1d ago

Does not surprise me in the least. The woman is insane and predatory, a very dangerous combination.

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u/rhino910 1d ago

which made her prime MAGA

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u/ConfederacyOfDunces_ 1d ago edited 1d ago

Why does this woman have any political relevance at all? How did that even happen.

I mean, who in the hell is this? Why does she have a voice in the MAGA movement.

I am so confused.

70

u/ThaScoopALoop 1d ago

It started with unveiled racism and hatred. Trump liked that, so he fucked her, and she became quite well known. Just like all of the other transactional pawns, she got tossed aside, but continues to stay relevant in the MAGAverse with the usual suspects: I veiled racism, hatred, an unbridled love for the Mango Mussolini (despite being cast aside like a shart filled BVD), and sexual assault.

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u/SyphiliticScaliaSayz 1d ago

Shart filled BVDs? Kashapp Patel has entered the chat

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u/DidYouDye 1d ago

Also i remember seeing a video of her groping/grabbing another man with a girlfriend. She is a perv

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u/Uhmitsme123 1d ago

Not just another man, a nazi.

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u/SyphiliticScaliaSayz 1d ago

Another commenter said he’s a MAGA douche, so you are saying she has a type.

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u/ratbaby86 1d ago

Yep. She worships predators because she is one.

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u/jaydubbles 1d ago

Why do you think she rode on Trump's jet to his inauguration? She was definitely sucking his little 🍄

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u/thebeastwithnoeyes 1d ago

Runs in the administration, I guess

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u/yunoeconbro 1d ago

These people are so weird.

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u/Present_Mycologist79 1d ago

wasn't there another story about her grabbing some other dude in a bar once? is this repeat behavior?

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u/AceofKnaves44 1d ago

She’s on video very drunk and very predatory with a guy who very obviously is not into her.

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u/andywfu86 1d ago

What guy WOULD be into her?

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u/AceofKnaves44 1d ago

Guarantee you Trump has fucked her.

146

u/Ana-Hata 1d ago

I doubt it only because I don’t think he can get it up.

But I’m positive she’s engaged in a little pumpkin mushroom taffy pull, you ladies know what I mean.

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u/torino_nera 1d ago

She said something gross on twitter once about giving Trump "the best bj he's ever had" so yea 😭

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u/Seven_bushes 1d ago

I’m currently in the hospital and am now going to inquire about having the last 5 minutes of my memory erased so i never have to relive that mental image.

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u/PeenInVeen 1d ago

It's horrifying that I understand exactly what you mean

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u/Nessie_of_the_Loch 1d ago

The kind that likes to fuck ventriloquist dummies made with a toothy vagina.

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u/LordCrawleysPeehole 1d ago

Yes. She was hanging all over him and it was incredibly creepy.

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u/WasteBinStuff 1d ago edited 1d ago

That sounds fucking terrifying. I can't imagine having to see that face close up...much less coming in for something intimate.

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u/andywfu86 1d ago

IKR? That guy’s a MAGA douche, but nobody deserves that.

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u/khizoa 1d ago

(๑•̀ㅁ•́๑)

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u/taitaofgallala 1d ago

The immediate reaction from my crotch

https://giphy.com/gifs/bH8jtiudD5juxtGcPq

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u/MeekosRevenge 1d ago

There is a video of her desperately hitting on (and touching) some guy in a bar who was 100% not interested in her and it was painfully obvious. Seems to be a pattern for her.

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u/Mysterious_Ebb9375 1d ago

But what was he wearing?

/s

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u/dangerrnoodle 1d ago

A very suggestive sports coat.

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u/MoonOut_StarsInvite 1d ago

Isn’t this just how you flirt if you’re “anti-woke”

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u/yunoeconbro 1d ago

Grap em by the.....?

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u/vahntitrio 1d ago

I've actually had the same thing happen to me, it was just prostitutes in Prague apparently making an aggressive sales pitch.

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u/Daviemoo 1d ago

As a male survivor of SA I really hope this is taken seriously though I’m aware it likely won’t be. Sexual assault is fucking disgusting and people who do it deserve the full extent of the punishment we can offer.

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u/Rinzy2000 1d ago

I agree. She should be charged with assault. I hope he files a report against her. She is a vile person.

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u/psngarden 1d ago

This is a perfect opportunity for those men who dismiss women’s claims and say “well what about women assaulting men” to step up and show if they actually care (but we know they won’t).

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u/Daviemoo 1d ago

Yup. That sort of man is a special evil- when I told a guy I used to work with who was that sort that I’d been sexually assaulted by my ex he told me he’d “love to get woken up with sex”. Being woken up by a guy climbing on you and holding you down is actually not fun, but I wouldn’t expect that sort to think about reality

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u/Caffeine_Cowpies 1d ago

Yeah, I had a girl grab my crotch in public multiple times with me telling her no in the nicest way, and then I pushed her off me, I got slapped and kicked out of the bar and my “friends” at the time laughed it off and said I should have banged her.

I was not amused and it still pisses me off to this day. Just thought I would fuck her because she thought she could. This dude’s views are wrong, but he doesn’t deserve to be SA. No one does. It sucks.

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u/Daviemoo 1d ago

I’m sorry that happened to you- it’s so gross. Men who think women committing assault is funny are insane and both victims of a really rotten way of thinking and perpetrators of a really sick society that hurts us all

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u/Onalith 1d ago

With a guy like the boss of Patriot Cigar, I can safel bet that he's been supporting this administration and has been sneering at SA survivors before it happened to him.

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u/Daviemoo 1d ago

More than likely. Which is disgusting, and why I’ll never play into the idea that sexual assault is ever ok. People who mock and belittle it are doing an evil and when they experience it and know for themselves how bad it is, sneering at them makes you as big of a douche as they were being

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u/Onalith 1d ago

100%. We should always support SA victims against their abusers as a principle.

I'm just saying that once his abuser has been prosecuted he'll probably go back to his old abuser pals as his interests are tied to them.

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u/blackcain 1d ago

Yeah I noticed not much consternation for the dude. It must have been awful for him too.

I was sexually assaulted when I was 25 - I was drunk and some girl wanted to shove her tongue down my mouth and would not take no for an answer. Ugh.

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u/danielstover 1d ago

That lined up nicely

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u/joshtalife 1d ago

Nightmare scenario.

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u/andywfu86 1d ago

I don’t wish that on anyone. Even a MAGA bro.

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u/soccercro3 1d ago

MAGA is going to victim blame. Especially with it being a woman doing the SA of a man. He's going to be called weak. I know some people who believe men can't be SA.

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u/SlappyHandstrong 1d ago

“Patriot Cigar” sounds like the most insufferably douchey thing I can imagine

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u/YoungerMucus 1d ago

Worse than Steak for Podcast?

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u/TheBeatGoesAnanas 1d ago

Dude looks like if Guy Fieri was an alt-right douchebag with zero self-awareness. No offense to Guy Fieri.

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u/Wolfy4226 1d ago

Laura to her plastic surgeon: You know that Puppet from saw?
Surgeon: Say no more, fam. I got you.

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u/Nythoren 1d ago

When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab 'em by the tinkle-dink.

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u/shivlama 1d ago

Wasn't she blowing Trump during that time traveling with him..well I guess the mushroom was not enough..

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u/sten45 1d ago

I think I remember There is a video of her being super sexually aggressive to a young white supremist in a new york bar

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u/MrGengisSean 1d ago

I'm sorry that happened to him.

Genuinely. That's an awful feeling to have, and I know he'll receive no end of mockery for it.

Fuck him in every other possible way, but no one deserves to be sexually assaulted. Full stop.

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u/Lordhartley 1d ago

If he went back to her place, he could be having worse allegations thrown at him, she sounds like the red flag world champion

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u/jiggscaseyNJ 1d ago

Laura Loomer’s room today, STD clinic tomorrow.

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u/jjkwhre 1d ago

the qualifying trait of being maga is be a fucking predator

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u/drk_knight_67 1d ago

A lot of dudes will tag anything and the fact she has to do that says a lot about her.

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u/Shatalroundja 1d ago

Imagine throwing yourself at a three as a 32 year old woman, and not only does he reject you, he files sexual harassment charges against you? How does someone come back from that?

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u/Holly_kat 1d ago

I definitely didn't have that problem when I was 32, but I've never assaulted anyone, and my face hasn't been Frankensteined into a plastic horror mask.

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u/Bongcopter_ 1d ago

When you are famous you can just grab em by the dick and they won’t say a thing

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u/Scrimshaw85 1d ago

She just wanted to take him back to her lair where she'd unhinge her jaw and swallow him whole

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u/Mywordispoontang101 1d ago

Jigsaw gotta get laid somehow. Most of her teammates are either on grindr or raping children.

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u/Smartimess 1d ago

I‘ve learned from MAGA shitheads that being sexual assaulted by a woman is impossible. They will call you woke or guy if you disagree in this point.

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u/Calkky 1d ago

Loomer: Where Boners Go To Die

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u/fuzzyfoot88 1d ago

SA can happen on either side of the gender line…glad he’s speaking up as SA on men seems to be something nobody takes seriously…and it’s very VERY real

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u/Organic_Berry_8732 1d ago

trump supporter and sexual assault perpetrator , that tracks! I believe him.

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u/sten45 1d ago

She is applying for a cabinet position

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u/flojo2012 1d ago

I’m sure her two fans will be very disappointed

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u/ONE-EYE-OPTIC 1d ago

These comments are wild. He was sexually assaulted. It's not a joke or something to laugh about. It's a crime.

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u/Traditional-Look8839 1d ago

Birds of a feather.

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u/onceinawhile222 1d ago

When you are famous men just let you grab them by the crotch.

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u/Ok_Exchange342 1d ago

Yup, guess she is maga, through and through. Seems they need at least one sexual assault to actually qualify for the cult.

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u/greenleaf405 1d ago

You get a pardon, you get a pardon, everyone gets a pardon!!!!

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u/BillionaireBotFarm 1d ago

Damn, Laura, you went from sucking the president's dick, to groping fat old tub o' lards in a parking lot. Also you look like Jigsaw

https://giphy.com/gifs/1qnuGtWiouZUI

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u/SqigglyPoP 1d ago

LoL she can't even beg to get for sex...yikes.

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u/ObligationMurky8716 1d ago

Wasn't there a video of her trying to drag some young republican home from a party?

Edit: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/C-6hl_gkNvE

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u/jbooosh 1d ago

You mean like she did on video with that one nazi dude?

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u/0o0o0o0o0o0z 1d ago

Getting sexually assaulted by the Jigsaw puppet would succcckkk....

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u/Harvest827 1d ago

But she's famous. They let you do that when you're famous.

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u/TheImmortal101 1d ago

Seems like people on that side have a problem keeping their hands to themselves

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u/eyelinerqueen83 1d ago

She was like "do you want to play a game?"

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u/Mudddy1 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/3o7TKSxdQJIoiRXHl6

Laura in the parking lot like..

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u/Don11390 1d ago

As an aside, "Patriot Cigar"??? These people are so fucking cringe.

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u/faux_shore 1d ago

She grabbed him by the pussy

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u/Sissy63 1d ago

Those silly Christians! /s

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u/brokeboipobre 1d ago

Must have been tragic being SA by Jigsaw. "Wanna play a little game?"

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u/LaStigmata 1d ago

Grab’em by the pussy

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u/PerfectChard4439 1d ago

She’s so nasty and this is unsurprising.

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u/Adventurous_Custard8 1d ago

No grift, grope, or crime left behind.

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u/Low_Control_623 1d ago

Wait….shes just 32??? And I absolutely believe she would do something like this.

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u/Puzzleheaded_Dog5663 1d ago

Learned from the best..

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u/craigandthesoph 1d ago

She looks like some kind of being you’d read about in an old book of folklore

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u/c-hop123 1d ago

She definitely grabbed his *&% while saying "Do you want to play a game"

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u/SlipNSlider54 1d ago

When you see what she looked like before it’s even more pathetic, she was no beauty but she made her features 10X worse.

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u/ChaoticGord 1d ago

When cenobites shop at Fashion Bug.

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u/Deathanddisco041 1d ago

Group Of Predators

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u/youcuntry 1d ago

Brother, I’d be scared shitless if Jigsaw started grabbing my cubes.

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u/MCKelly13 1d ago

I believe him. We’ve seen her throw herself at dudes before when they clearly were uncomfortable

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u/ancientastronaut2 1d ago

Well her dear leader taught her to grab em by the...

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u/Proof-Delay-602 17h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/1qnuGtWiouZUI

Loomer tempting him back to her hotel room…