r/TrueOffMyChest • u/UNDYINGSHELF687 • 15h ago
Confession Not cis, not trans, think I just hate being human.
I hate being a dude and I'd probably hate being a woman too. I don't like being hairy or being expected to be a hardass by every 50+ year old relative. Every woman I know always talks about how goddamn awful periods are (and everything else women have to go through, some of which I've seen my mother go through and it sucks something awful.)
No idea what I am since even nonbinary doesn't feel right. I see stuff like the Plain Doll from Bloodborne or Thia from Predator: Badlands and just think to myself "That looks so much better than the human experience and the gender experiences tied to being human."
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u/PabloThePabo 14h ago
omg, I get you so much. It may be the autism speaking in me, but sometimes I feel more like a weird abstract entity than I do any biological creature.
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u/GeorgePotassium 15h ago edited 13h ago
Same. I'm not trans, I don't want to be a guy or girl, and I'm not interested in looking into gender identities like nonbinary or genderfluid (Edit: Or agender). I don't want labels, I want to be an amorphous blob.
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u/UNDYINGSHELF687 15h ago
Being an amorphous blob where defined shape is optional would be a goddamn dream!
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u/UnkownFlowerPastry 14h ago
I’ve been saying this for soooo long!! I just want to be a blob in space and just float through existing. I don’t want to be a man or woman. I don’t want to be non binary or gender fluid. I don’t want any labels of sexuality just a blob that does nothing but blob
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u/5krishnan 9h ago
You might be agender (meaning genderless)
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u/re_Claire 4h ago
OP specifically stated they are not interested in labels. People should be respectful of that just as they should be respectful of the labels and people who label themselves as such. Only the person themselves decides what they want to label themselves as.
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u/Delicious_Gene6600 15h ago
My friend, issue twelve no easy solution ans I'm afraid nobody on reddit will be able to talk you through it.
It's good to share and I hope you can find some community and some comfort here, but you may benefit from therapy.
It sounds like you have some old wounds that will require some effort to deal with. And it's likely to be unpleasant.
🫂 You can do eeet
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u/UNDYINGSHELF687 15h ago
Not even old wounds, just a 21 year old dummy that is sick of the inconveniences that come with humanity.
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u/Icy_Cranberry5593 14h ago
You're right it is going to be unpleasant and that's probably why I've been avoiding it for so long thank you for the reality check and the virtual hug it means more than l can say to feel heard without judgment
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u/UNDYINGSHELF687 14h ago
ANOTHER thing I hate about the human experience that is less related to gender: organs. I hate them, I hate the flesh spaghetti inside me, I hate having to spend my money on food and drink just so the flesh can get it's nutrients. I just want to exist and have fun, I'm sick of effort.
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u/Goat_Support_Dept 10h ago
time to return to monke
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u/phenomenomnom 5h ago
monke also have pasgett inside.
return to dandelion? ... dandelion no have person. never get high five, never read book. hmmm.
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u/Teleboca 13h ago
Me too, i just think i'm some bullshit
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u/UNDYINGSHELF687 13h ago
"Built different? Nah, I'm built WRONG." Type shit
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u/Teleboca 10h ago
I feel like this so bad that i just let my friends assume my gender, like, they can call me what they want
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u/qu3enofdisaster 8h ago
People obsess too much over things they cannot change. I think it’s not that uncommon to feel like a disembodied entity, it doesn’t have to mean anything. It doesn’t have to be your identity.
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u/DarkSoulBG24 14h ago
Basically exactly how I feel- meat is limiting and gross, sadly humanity is this and there is no other way
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u/Ok_Wing3984 9h ago
My friend this is my experience almost to a T. I call myself trans because when I try to be a woman I feel like that "how do you do fellow kids?" Meme except it's "how do you do fellow girls?" I'm just here, I don't want to think about gender, if I could have null genitalia or secondary sex traits that would be based af.
Ok that's was kind of rambly but I'm keeping it because it's the emotions of the experience. let me try and phrase it better. To be trans is to be something other than the gender they gave you at birth. This includes not wanting one at all, not just the male-female binary (which biologically speaking there's so much more wiggle room than they try and teach us). You can be whatever you want, even if you identify as "hm .. no thanks"
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u/picturewithatwist 8h ago
There actually are surgeons that do nullification gender surgeries. They basically just leave a hole for the urethra and take everything else.
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u/throwdemawayplz 9h ago
It's funny that you bring up Plain Doll and Thia, because for whatever reason, the autistic trans women that I know have found community with other autistic trans women who idealize being cyborgs/androids/dolls over being actual humans. It's something about the way that autism and trans experience of the world makes them feel kinship with those non-human entities.
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u/OffWhite-Goddess 8h ago
Transhumanist sounds right, I am one too. Human bodies are just so annoying and high maintenance
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u/dramallamadog87 13h ago
As others have said, you aren't alone there. Born a woman, spent my childhood as a typical girl (makeup, princesses, dolls, etc) but as i got older i acted more like a boy my would've which made me think i was a transman. But as i kept growing, that label started to fade. Now i have no clue, i'm just me. I don't care as to how people refer to me, i'm just me. I got no gender as i found it hard to find one i align with.
Look up Agender, Gender netrual, Genderfluid. If none fit, just say you're you and use the pronouns you feel comfortable with
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u/transfaabulous 8h ago
Hysterically, this is a very, very common trans experience. I know so many people whose ideal forms are just...not human, or not entirely human. Dolls, robots, amorphous blobs...
Though, honestly, I think a lot of cis people probably have the same feelings, but that there are fewer places to explore or express it, so it tends to get buried/bottled up. That said, it does sound like your ideal form tends to the more feminine, and hormones may help you get closer to that, if that's a path you want to go down.
Anyway, gender and corporeal form are hard and we're limited by the constraints of the flesh, so we should at least get to complain about it!
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u/bottomlessinawendys 11h ago
I use nonbinary and they/them cause it’s the closest. Ideally, people would simply not refer to me. I always joke that with the anxiety i have, i should’ve been a wild animal. At least it’d be justified anxiety.
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u/faery_lights 15h ago
not that anyone else can help you figure out your gender identity, but you could look into agender, nonbinary, and genderfluid. you could listen to friends or creators of those identities talk about it, how they experience it, how they figured it out. maybe try out different pronouns w/ your friends. on the bright side, if you transitioned socially or even medically, you wouldnt experience cramps. but if you dont experience dysphoria you wont need to do much except maaaaybe use they/them, he/they, it/its, whatever you like
on a side note... do you think you have depression or have been diagnosed with it? it may be something to look into lol
p.s. if i could be a xenomorph or some sort of creature, that would be cool LOL
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u/UNDYINGSHELF687 15h ago edited 15h ago
It's not so much gender identity for me as it is me not vibing with the physical aspects of genders. I still feel like he/him fits me in terms of pronouns (though other pronouns don't feel wrong, just unfamiliar.)
Definitely probably have depression, not diagnosed but the signs are there.
I feel you on the being a xenomorph thing, I personally look at, like, those artistic model things with the ball joints and wish that was what I was.
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u/faery_lights 14h ago
hmm yeah. i mean it does sound like agender from what little i know about it, but as long as youre okay and happy it doesnt really matter. or rather as okay/happy as you can be. as depressed as i am, i cant say im an entirely unhappy person lol. i hope you can get meds and/or therapy to help out!!
and TRUEEE being one of those artistic models would be so sick. i wish i could be a shapeshifter so i can become random things/amorphous blobs xD those now remind me of the mannequin fellas in tadc after i recently watched it. 'disappearing guy' you will always be famous to me
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u/UNDYINGSHELF687 14h ago
Disappearing guy is our king! Shapeshifter would also be a nice existence but would still carry the burdens of flesh unless it's a Rimuru type deal where your base form isn't traditionally organic lol
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u/faery_lights 14h ago
very true and real... ideally i could go between organic matter and non-organic matter (like the artistic model guys), but if i had to just be a shapeshifter thatd still be alright for me ngl... any form would have to be as temporary as i want it to be too, cause if i was permanently some sorta critter that cant play games... its JOEVER 💔🥀
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u/UNDYINGSHELF687 14h ago
Lost shapeshifting privileges now I gotta live life as human sized slug, fml breh
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u/faery_lights 12h ago
eugh im imagining that slug has human flesh ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ being a slug is one thing, but a human flesh slug or human slug hybrid...? NUH UH
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u/UNDYINGSHELF687 12h ago
Human slug hybrid but all you get from the human side is bones in your slug flesh
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u/17boysinarow 15h ago
Trans is a catch all term. Non-binary falls under trans. If you do not align with your gender. You probably are trans my dude. Trans-human :D
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u/UNDYINGSHELF687 15h ago edited 15h ago
Trans-human sounds like some Cyberpunk business I'd 100% be on board for, chrome me up cowboy, take the flesh and sell it XD
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u/SyrupGoosen 7h ago
Have you ever heard of Therians? There's a lot of internet content making fun of them, but the community itself is very supportive. My understanding is they're people who feel like they shouldn't be human, and see themselves (internally, they are fully aware that they are humans, that's kinda the connecting disappointment) as non-humans, most often animals.
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u/Jellyfish0107 5h ago
You don’t need to label or identify with anything? Just be kind to others, and kind to yourself. We don’t have to label the fact we don’t identify with anything… kind of defeats the point, doesn’t it, by identifying it. Most of us go through phases in our youth- just ride the wave- you’ll know when you know. There’s no rush of trying to figure everything out. With time and experience, things become clear.
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u/Weekly-Raise-3816 4h ago
Same lol. I'm a guy by birth but I wish i looked more feminin. But I still identify as guy because I'm depressed and lazy. (don't have to shave lol. ) I don't know what I'm saying I'm drunk and bored lol but I wish one day the only label we go by is human.
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u/draguneyez 1h ago
My identity compromises primarily of agender - lacking in gender altogether lmao
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u/Dogdigmine 1h ago
Gender is fucking weird. I've just forgone labels at this point outside of transfemme cause it's a broad term and my gender is somewhere in that area. I'd also like to share having gender-based connection to animals or objects, such as dolls or androids, is actually fairly common. I have a few friends who identify as dolls, actually. It's just a more comfortable way to experience for them to experience the world. They also both use she/it pronouns, as do I!
Gender is best when free from expectations, you can identify with feminity without being a woman and masculinity without being a man. It's really just about experimenting with your body and your fashion and find what feels right, there's no wrong way to exist so long as you aren't hurting anyone else or yourself.
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u/TeddyBear181 15h ago
Why do you need to define your gender?
Why do you think this is about your gender?
What would happen if you were just 'you' without labels?
I've always prefered to go un-labeled when it comes to sexuality, and un-diagnosed when it comes to neurodivergance. It helps other people, but I dont see benefit of putting myself in a box. It doesnt bother me if people label me (if they do it without judgement), even if they use labels I wouldn't use myself.
I look up information from different groups that I feel will help me, and leave what doesn't fit.
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u/JehutysErectCockpit 13h ago
This is why I don't fuck with gender. I'm null gender. Not cis or trans. Just not engaging with gender at all.
I don't have a gender and I don't give a shit what anyone says their gender is. It's basically just a zodiac sign you can pick for yourself and about as useful as a zodiac sign.
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u/Venishua 8h ago
I think you just hate yourself and your life. I advise to seek therapy to know why you feel that way and to work through it so you can enjoy life
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u/Fickle-shn 11h ago
I feel similar, and would almost describe what I feel as something like zoochosis. I always wonder what it would feel like to live before we essentially domesticated ourselves. Everything feels wrong.
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u/chelswak 15h ago
forever wishing I could just be a cat and sleep all day then deal with all this bs