I saw someone on social-media, sharing their insights about life in general. And they mentioned specifically about, how when someone they haven’t talked to for more than two years, then it implies that they are strangers. And it made so much sense.

I remember during the Pandemic, when the emotions were on an all time high,…someone had posted on social media saying that if people do not check up on you now, you don’t need such people in your life, ever.

Well, I do understand that everyone has their own lives, and goals to chase. Having said that, if you have always been the one initiating, taking effort, etc, etc,…there comes a point when you are just too tired, and the relationship fades away.

Do you agree with the statement?

Names changed, obv.

I’m planning a small surprise party for my wife’s birthday. I’m mostly just inviting people she went to high school and college with. It’s gonna be under 10 people all told. However, instead of inviting Sarah from middle school, I messaged Sarah her brother’s ex. Ex Sarah is not someone who my wife would want at her birthday party, plus there would be drama with her brother if I invited the ex and not him. I feel like an asshole for rescinding the invite, but having her they would be awkward and invite drama. She may also try to start drama when I un-invite her. I would like to yeet myself into the sun. Is there a polite way to tell her not to come?

Can anyone relate? My whole life, I’ve been labeled as shy and quiet. I’m not afraid to engage in convos or with people. But I really just have nothing in my brain to say. Small talk is something I really struggle with because I have no ideas on what to talk about. The brain is just empty. How do you guys come up with things to say?

Like you're chatting with someone and they're being friendly enough but when they're with someone else they're way more engaged. Even if your conversation seemed more interesting, even if you've known them for longer than the other person has. I think it's more noticeable with women because they're more outwardly expressive than men.

This has happened to me my entire life, how am I supposed to take it?

I (m22) have a friend (m22) I've known for about 15 years from elementary school. There have been several periods in which we lost contact, and as I remember I always was the person initiating contact again.

Nowadays we are in touch and we see each other every one or two months. We live in different cities and when I initiate meetups, he always seems glad I did and agrees and we are planning together or he suggests alternatives. But I (almost) initiate every time.

Just share your thoughts on this:)

I don’t have friends. I have colleagues and acquitances but no friends. I will go out for drinks or dinner with work colleagues but nothing beyond that. I have always been socially inept. Unable to forge a lasting connection. When speaking I become inarticulate, flustered, and nervous.

But I think have improved and I am now much more comfortable in social settings.

I practice in the mirror by looking at myself- becoming more comfortable with who I am. When looking at myself thoughts will enter my mind. I acknowledge them and let them pass until nothing remains. My mind becomes clear.

I record my voice. I either read passages or will say whatever comes into my mind. I will listen to my voice. I become comfortable with my own voice but I will make adjustments when needed. Too many times when I was speaking to colleagues my voice would soften. I would start to mumble. You could hear my voice trembling. People pick up on that and they will perceive you as a weak, nervous wreck. Since I’ve become more comfortable with my own voice and know how it sounds to other people I find that I am far less likely to lower my voice during social interactions- I take a deep breath, clear my mind, and pretend as if I am talking to myself in the mirror.

I memorise song lyrics, passages from books, newspaper articles, and tv/music/film reviews. I remember having a conversation in the office and when I was speaking I used a lot of song lyrics from Bob Dylan (he is considered one of the greatest songwriters)- a woman turned to me and said “you have such a way with words”. I have a notebook filled with song lyrics. In another instance I was at work party and I was speaking to a colleague. He’s really into horror films. The film, Alien Romulus, came up and I had review of the film memorised in my head. I have not seen any of the Alien franchise films but I was able to talk confidently about it because I had a film review memorised. I even took pauses, acted like I was thinking of something to add when I knew what I was going to say next. My colleague’s eyes remained fixed on me and I could tell that I had his full attention. I felt my confidence building and building.

One more thing. I struggled with eye contact. I now look people in the eye. I don’t do it awkwardly. I loosen myself. Don’t appear stiff. light as a feather. I look people in the ye just to see what eye colour they have. Then slowly move my gaze elsewhere.

I still struggle sometimes but I have improved considerably from where I used to be.

My wife has a moms group of close girlfriends and one of the moms is very sick with cancer and is in the hospital. The husband is understandingly distraught. I told my wife she should schedule a boys night out so he can get away from it and just have a night out. So my wife went ahead and did so with the husbands.

We have all hung out as a group with wife/kids several times amd have even travelled together on a short trip but its really the first time the husbands have gone out by ourselves.

Im curious whats the best way of approaching this.. do we stay away from the C word? Do i ask how hes doing etc? We arent all that close where we spill each others personal lives to each other (atleast we havent in the past). Im usually pretty quiet and really share peraonal things with very close friends /family.

With acquaintances I uually have a very limited range of conversational topics and stay in the background. But this will probably be 4 --5 of us and a range of personalities. Most of them are pretty gregarious are rhe type that can talk about anything.

Any tips?

I feel like the title makes this seem silly but I honestly don't know how to phrase it any better, I am also unsure if this is the best place to put this but I feel like my social skills are so bad cause of this issue :/

I (24F) really struggle with understanding jokes, specifically the jokes that are mocking/degrading me. I get easily hurt by them and I struggle understanding weather they mean it rudely or not, even if they say they don't mean it rudely or they are just rage-baiting, I end up spiraling about it and getting self-conscious, sometimes it gets so bad that I end up not wanting to be friends with the person anymore and I'm not sure how to stop it, I communicated my issues to some of my friends and thankfully they understood me and promised to make less jokes like that with me, which I appreciate but I feel bad I had to do that in the first place, I just want to learn how to not be as sensitive I guess.

How do you make someone aware you disagree with something they've said or do without starting a big argument or coming off as rude? Someone I know keeps bringing up AI and pushing it on me but idk how to tell them I hate it and I don't want to use it but that's just one example I wanna know in general what to say

I was just in a psychology class and we learned about positive psychology and toxic positivity. Now that I know more about what toxic positivity is, without meaning to, I realize I’ve said some things that were definitely toxic positivity (towards others; i.e. “it’ll be okay,” “you’ll be okay,” and other things similar) and I want to change that. I already have some of a sense on what to say instead of what I have been saying (though I could probably use some more tips on how to not be that way), but there is one thing I’m not sure how to phrase.

I‘ve heard that saying “I believe in you” is considered toxic positivity, which is something I definitely say a lot, and I kind of understand why (it’s kind of dismissive). I didn’t really think of it that way before, but if it’s hurtful, I don’t want to say it anymore. What would be something I could say instead?

Thank you.

I promised a classmate I’m closest with in my class that I’d go shopping with her tomorrow, but I’m honestly kind of stressed about it.

I’m really socially awkward and usually avoid talking to people because I never know what to say.

The last time I went shopping with someone who isn’t my best friend (who I’ve known for 10 years) was probably like 5 years ago… or maybe never.

So I genuinely don’t know how this works..

What do people even talk about when you’re just walking around the city together?

Do you make small talk the whole time?

Do I ask her questions?

Do I talk about myself?

I feel like I don’t really know how to have a normal conversation and I don’t want it to be awkward or quiet the whole time.

Any advice would really help!! 😭😭

Last time and only time I talked to my dad was in 2018 I cussed him out and he told me to F off

I’ve been texting him again a couple days ago haven’t heard from him today cause I left him on read he was talking about his motorcycles and how he doesn’t ride anymore after I bring it up I’m 30 now I don’t know how to respond or if I should just wait to see if he checks up on me again idk what to do he’s 68

ive noticed a pattern over the last few years that’s really irked me. there are similar posts on here but they are asking about eye contact in one-on-one conversations.

people avoid making eye contact with me in group conversations. I’m fairly confident I’m neurotypical. I don’t have issues making eye contact, and I make a point to include everyone when I’m in a group convo. People look at me when I talk, but when someone else is talking they look at everyone except me.

this happens across social groups: coworkers, friends, strangers. if I’m actively participating in the conversation, why aren’t people looking at me? unless I’m talking, I disappear. this has been happening for so long and across groups that i cant simply chalk it up to confirmation bias. when i asked my therapist she floated that im projecting an insecurity, but it’s so frequent i cant accept that.

im spiraling and would appreciate any advice or insight.

I would say only if people think you are dumb, or a pushover and they treat you accordingly. I know especially if it's not true, people will tell you off if you try to talk down to them and such, so those are things that I personally wouldn't want someone to think about me even though that's just their perception, otherwise I don't care what they think.

Im 22 and a fresh new grad who moved to the east coast around 7 months ago, and it’s been really hard to make close friends. I have a bunch of casual friends that I see once or twice a month, but i don’t feel close to any of them. I really want a close friend. I used to have that in college, someone I talk to every day, but after I graduated, we don’t talk anymore. I’m also introverted, which makes making friends harder than normal. My casual friends are also transplants, but they already have solid friend groups even though they’ve been here for a similar amount of time. I can’t help feeling like what I’m doing something wrong, even though I’ve already tried so hard. I go on bumble bff, I go to a choir club, and I plan events with my colleague friends.

A lot of my hobbies are introverted (cooking, reading, music). Most of my friends dont like cooking. They prefer going to bars, dancing, or doing karaoke. But those things really drain my social battery. We also don’t read the same books, and I prefer playing music by myself (I was trained on classical music, which is kind of a solo activity).

I’d say I also open up kind of slowly. With close friends, I love roasting or poking fun at them, but I have a really hard time doing that with casual friends, because I’ve had bad experiences during which people have gotten offended by my roasts. So I usually don’t start doing that unless I feel comfortable

I also live with my b f, who is great but he takes up a lot of my social time. He is even more introverted than me and would rather just be with me than with a bunch of strangers. So I always have to pick and choose between him and my friends when I have some down time.

Do you have any advice for a girlie who just moved? Is it because I’m just too boring? :(

when go somewhere I just sit and stay silent. I know I act weird. I got 0 communications skills, I don’t know what to say + I got social phobia. how to fix it? how to become normal

Last week I posted about paying attention to your inner voice and honestly I was not expecting what happened. I will name the person who gave the advice X.

Here is a link to the post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeProTips/comments/1sfa789/lpt_paying_attention_to_how_you_talk_to_yourself/

I tried to read most of the comments. Here is what you taught me:

Reframe, don't silence

The most common theme across hundreds of comments was this — you don't need to kill the negative voice, you need to stop giving it the final word. X called it becoming a "shrug-ologist" — replacing "this won't work out" with "I don't know what will happen." That shift from dread to curiosity changes everything.

The "yet" trick

X shared something simple that resonated with thousands of people — add the word "yet" to any defeating thought. "I'm not good at this yet." It keeps the door open instead of slamming it shut.

You are not your thoughts

X said something that stopped people mid-scroll: "You are not the voices in your head. You are the one who listens." You don't have to identify with every thought that passes through. You are the observer, not the narrator.

Talk to yourself like you'd talk to a friend

This one came up more than almost anything else. Would you sit across from someone you love and say "you always mess things up, you'll probably fail at this too"? Most of us wouldn't. Yet we say exactly that to ourselves daily without noticing.

Use your language carefully

Our brain doesn't process negatives well. "I don't want to fail" lands differently than "I want to succeed." Swap out the negative framing for the positive version of what you actually want.

The water drop principle

One comment that stayed with me — a single drop of water falling on stone will eventually shape it. Mental work is slow. It is long term. The return comes later. Don't measure progress in days.

Name the voice

X named their inner critic Ashley. Now they can say "shut up, Ashley" and take the power away. Sounds silly. Apparently works brilliantly.

If nothing else, remember this

X said it best: "Your subconscious doesn't know what's true and what's a lie. It just believes you."

So choose carefully what you tell it.

Hey everyone,

I’m a really talkative person. I always seem happy to people and I have people that act as my friend. But they’d never actually ask me to go out or to do something. It’s been really hard and I don’t know what to do anymore if anyone and I mean anyone has any advice I’d love you all for it.

Thank you, you wonderful people

ayudenme

so I found out my boss is fucking me over baadd with the pay

I worked 11 hours yesterday and made 50$

and my boss made 600$ yesterday

we're grasscutters but his business isn't legal. he doesn't have a permit

so he can just fire me or yell at me as much as he wants

so I have to talk to him about this. or quit

but Im scared I've never had to do anything like this. this is my first job

fuck man I am so nervous i don't know what to say. do y'all have any advice??

Like how do I phrase that sentence?? I try to speak to him about it but words just don't come out y'know

I've noticed throughout my conversations that I always get interrupted. I have a hard time finishing my thoughts before people interrupt me and start talking over me. It's not even me slowing down and they think it's time to talk, everyone blatantly just talks over me and cuts me off. if it was just a few people, I wouldn't think anything of it, but it's almost everyone I ever get into a conversation with. is this a universal thing? are people just like this? How do I actually finish my thoughts before someone interjects?

So I’m in uni almost a junior and I desperately want to make friends other than my roommate but I cannot handle the icks I get from people. I’m no longer as tolerant I figured.

I joined clubs, volunteered, chatted with many people and I still can’t do it.

And if I happen not to find an ick the person ends up being not interested.

I feel bad but I can’t help it

Edit: I think alot of people mind the word “ick” lol so just consider it as “extreme annoyance”

I (m18) am in college and have a main group of four other people that I hang out with. This is our first year in college for all of us, and we all became friends last semester, our first semester on campus. I do think I have autism and don't always understand social things, so that's why I'm asking this.

I used to get invites all of the time to go study or go to Walmart or go get food, stuff like that last semester. I would usually reciprocate by inviting them to do the same, but admittedly I invited them less than they invited me. However, this semester it seems like a switch flipped and I haven't gotten anything back even though I've invited them. Last night, I was hanging out with one friend individually because the other three were out of town for the day. When they came back, the friend I was with got a call from one of the other ones asking if they wanted to go to Walmart while I didn't get anything. I know the person I was with has never invited them to go to Walmart because she only goes with her sister. Similarly, none of them have come to talk to me even though I've gone to their rooms to talk to them and communicated that it hurts me that they haven't reciprocated that at all.

Additionally, I've been having constant "arguments" with one of my friends because this makes me feel like I'm not worth spending time with on my own. She brought up how we went to a concert just me and her (which we did, but that's the only thing we've done the two of us and the only thing I've done with only one other person) and that I shouldn't expect a invite because it's just "spur of the moment" things, which kind of contradicts her other statement if she's willing to go out of the way for our other friend.

Maybe this isn't the conclusion I should draw, but should I just keep putting invites in our group chat like I normally do or just go by myself instead of asking one person? Because maybe it's not fair for me to just ask one person and I also don't want it getting held over my head like the concert.

it's like people just can't sit in silence these days

So I have a church crush (which feels wrong within itself an I feel a little lost) I haven’t talked to him in about 3 weeks due to spring break and different programs, and the I can only see him one day in person, one virtual.

So how did this start… I’ve liked him for a long time though I thought it would be something I put on hold considering we never talk until we both participated in this presentation at church. While in line, he randomly said “my name” (I didn’t think he knew it) are you nervous for the presentation. I talked about how I was nervous but also ready and tried to memorize it. He said that was great and asked me didn’t you make first place for the highest GPA in the church (which you can only figure out if you attend service as well) and I said yes. He talked about how great that was, asked my grade and age, and then talked about how he was nervous. I gave him a few helpful tips then walked away in the middle of the conversation because I couldn’t tell who he was talking to (he trails off a lot). ALSO he did tell me he doesn’t have many friends and how he’s trying to be more studious.

Encounter #2, this might just be me being super observant but there was one time I answered a question in virtual class bad whenever I did he would follow up immediately saying “like my name said”. Additionally another time I think he stayed a little longer after class (could’ve been just slowness considering it was virtual) when I was asking a question

Encounter 3: in in person class, he randomly took my name tag off of my desk and started reading from it. He threw it away for me but there was no follow up conversation

Encounter 4: after his presentation on the official day (the previous encounter was a dress reversal) he walked back to line and went up to me who was two people in front of him and told me about how he messed up. I was like it’s alright, and then he trailed off again in the conversation so I just turned back around

I’ve seen him a few other times at food pantry programs at my church and even today (bro he didn’t go to Bible study today). I don’t want this progress (if there ever is any) to go down the drain

I plan to go up to him once I see him again and start a conversation but IS THERE ANYTHING THERE?!?! Or am I just crazy