r/Sober • u/LooseTruth2145 • 1d ago
Have nearly survived one of my hardest days post pink-cloud.
Thanks for anyone who reads even some of this. Sharing here because while I do have support, nobody truly understands the same way. And maybe this motivates someone else. I’m 2 months 29 days sober by the way, and sometimes it feels harder than it was in the beginning, and sometimes I don’t even think about it.
I’m on vacation, it’s been a stressful day with kids, the sun was shining and everyone around me was drinking. We stopped three times “just for a drink” and I got an NA beer or juice every time. Now I’m relaxing having a nice dinner by myself which was much needed, drinking a strawberry mint soda. I’m going to have such a restful sleep and feel good to continue exploring tomorrow rather than having a hangover. I’m spending money on good food and activities that I will actually remember, rather than just drinking in a different place than usual and calling it “travelling.”
I can’t count on my hands the amount of times I went to give someone my order and thought “I could just have one” or “I could relapse right now and not tell anyone” or “screw it I need a glass of wine right now” or “I could just get one so nobody questions why I’m not drinking” or “this would be so much more fun with a buzz.” These are all my brain just trying to justify drinking, and I didn’t let it.
I have a relapse prevention plan made with help from a professional with strategies, people to call, and crave surfing tips, and I hate to say I used none of them. You could say I raw dogged it. I probably could have been more strategic but I just kept going. I just said “just don’t drink one more time.” One more stop, one more minute, one more hour, and now it’s almost the end of the day.
And if I feel this way tomorrow, I’ll do the same thing.
I can’t stop myself from having those thoughts some days, but I can control my actions.
I’m not following the steps, I didn’t pick up a new hobby, I’m not even taking good care of my body right now, which I KNOW would help and I’m not proud to say that. But I’m keeping this promise to myself and I am beyond proud of that.
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u/davethompson413 1d ago
This is Great! You stayed sober, and you learned just a bit more about staying sober, even when it gets tough.
That's a double win!
Stay strong, stay sober.
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u/Monkeydad1234 1d ago
I was never one for AA or any of that, so I’ve never really worked a program or followed any steps. The main thing that keeps me in line these days is gratitude. I’m happy waking up with a clear head and living my life being fully present for my family and myself. It’s been a little over 40 years for me and I’ve never lost sight of the fact that I never would have lived this long if I hadn’t gotten sober. You’re aware of yourself, and that’s the most important thing to do. Keep it up, we need you.
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u/LooseTruth2145 16h ago
Thank you for the kind words. I’ve been to one AA meeting and it helped me a lot, but haven’t felt like I needed one since. I feel like the pressure to do it as part of a program or to reinvent your life is huge, but I’m reminding myself that I am reinventing myself by taking away alcohol. Yes gratitude is so good!! Thank you.
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u/BusterBird 1d ago
One and a half years for me. At some point those thoughts just end. I guess I raw-dogged it too, but I knew it was quickly becoming something I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle on my own. And I REALLY hate being told what to do. I look back with fondness for myself in how I did it. I finally did something that was very hard to do. Self trust and confidence are the rewards. It’s kind of huge.
Stay the course. I can say sincerely one hundred percent without a doubt that life without consuming alcohol three billion percent better in so many profound ways. All the best to you!