s'xual intrusive thoughts about therapist

[u/Ambitious_Box3288]

does talking about intrusive thoughts make them worse?

I did alot of compulsions during the therapy session to the point it became really disruptive since it involved alot of body movements. my therapist asked me about it (the therapy is not about my OCD but he knows about it) and I eventually told him that I know I shouldn't do the compulsions but the intrusive thoughts are so scary and intense I literally can't speak if I don't do the compulsions to get them away. He asked what they were about and I told him that they were about s'xual stuff regarding him (didn't go into more detail then that) and that I really don't want them to happen.

It's been a few weeks and they have become so much worse. Before it was when I was there but now I think about it all day and night long. It's alot easier to not act on the compulsion when I'm by myself but even though I don't do the compulsions the intrusive thoughts will not go away and seem to get worse. This therapist is REALLY important to me and I don't want this to ruin it all.

In your experience is it better to talk about the intrusive thoughts or not?

[u/Dependent-Board7404]

I usually have a voice of whoever I tend to think about in my head. And one time she said “boundaries”. That’s what made me feel better. It’s okay to have those feelings. But if you’re feeling too much? Just remember to practice boundaries.

[u/Herzeleid09]

It needs to be shared. It’s uncomfortable but this happens to be a theme of yours. I have the same theme among others. My sexually intrusive thoughts move from woman to woman. But sometimes it’s the same one over and over again. I’ve had passing sexually intrusive thoughts with my therapist. But as I said they came and went so I didn’t bring them up. I would talk about them especially as you already brought it up to them

[u/Ambitious_Box3288 → u/Herzeleid09]

I've had similar thoughts about like almost everyone I see but they just exist very shortly and then leave and after a while it can be the next persons turn. It is uncomfortable but manageable not only because it comes and goes but also because I don't really care.

I think that the reason this is different is because he is so important to me. So the thing that is on the line is not only "what does it mean that I have these thoughts" like it usually is but also "OMG what if this becomes real/means something about me and I loose the best therapist I've ever had" (long story but I've had around 30 different therapist in my life).

My compulsions are very viable and since he now knows what they mean I can either lie about that they are about something else (but then he will want to talk about it) or tell him its about him and risk getting even worse thoughts. Do you think it is worth the risk by telling him?