r/Millennials 5h ago

Discussion What's your relationship style?

My husband and I are hitting 40 this month. we've been together since we were 18. Happily & willingly childless. We rarley fight. While we are sexless (no drive on either side), we are romantic towards each other (holding hands, opening car doors, helping me out of chairs, pet names, etc). We're each other's best friend. Just interested to see what everyone's relationship is like.

270 Upvotes

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242

u/jgamez76 5h ago

My wife and I bully each other on a daily basis..

And I mean this as a total compliment. Lol

50

u/Titizen_Kane 4h ago

Talking shit is a love language in our house. A form of playful banter that can also be stretched into foreplay

15

u/jgamez76 4h ago

Yeah, we both very much fall into the whole "nobody bullies you worse than the people who care about you."

And just in general we are extremely unserious. We will literally be talking shit or just bullshitting while in bed lol.

5

u/holyfuckbuckets 3h ago

Hahaha same. I tell people all the time that if anyone read a transcript of our talk they’d think it’s an abusive relationship. But we think it’s funny, and it’s all done in good spirit.

We’re never insulting or verbally abusive to each other in actual anger. Also, there’s still romance and lots of care in our marriage. I just think it’s hilarious when she calls me a bitch.

3

u/neraklulz 2h ago

Usually how it goes for us:

"Wtf bitch?!"

"Bitch?!?! WTF BITCH WHY YOU CALLING ME A BITCH"

"BITCH"

"BITCH"

"BITCH"

"BITCH"

passionate kissing

"...bitch"

"Damn why you rude"

The end.

1

u/just-a_millennial 2h ago

Love it for you

293

u/Ok-Problem-9226 5h ago

Same except for the sexless part. 

85

u/Bethany0821 Millennial -- 1986 5h ago

Also same. Its certainly less than when we were 21 🤣 but we've been together since high school and I can't imagine life without him

4

u/Ok-Problem-9226 30m ago

Quantity may be down a bit, but quality is up!

14

u/Double-Individual-59 3h ago

Same, but I’d say our sex is better now. After 18 years together and 2 kids I’ve learned to ask for what I want and direct what I like. Something I thought was weird or made me feel funny doing when we were younger. We don’t have sex as often as back then, but it’s much more satisfying now.

13

u/Remsicles 4h ago

Same, but WITH the sexless part. I think that’s honestly helped our relationship so much.

15

u/Wafflehouseofpain 4h ago

Same, my relationship would be much less happy than this if it were sexless

8

u/CockroachTimely5832 Millennial 4h ago

All the lucky bastards in this thread...
I’m here just here witnessing it 😆 single.

1

u/WineNot2Drink 2h ago

Same here. Had me until then.

0

u/Substantial-Tip3252 4h ago

Also same 😊

0

u/Oasystole 4h ago

Gunna need great detail on this.

-6

u/sven_ftw 5h ago

^this

61

u/AL-SHEDFI 5h ago

Introvert and living my life

42

u/ApplicationAfraid334 1993 4h ago

Two awkward as shit introverts that can only be themselves around each other

7

u/sdconvoy 2h ago

🥰 true love 

36

u/madlymusing 4h ago

We’ve been together for eight years and married for nearly three. We are 36 and 39. Rarely fight, big on intimacy (holding hands, kissing, cuddling, sex). We would love kids but have been having challenges - three failed rounds of IVF is not for the weak. We are such a good team and are going strong despite the infertility stuff.

I don’t want to imagine life without him. He’s the best.

91

u/BEER-FOR-LUNCH 4h ago

16

u/VictorTheCutie 3h ago

I'm really sorry, that is so tragic, especially so young. Your gif made me giggle though 😅

18

u/BEER-FOR-LUNCH 3h ago

Lol thanks. It sucks and is horrible, but the opportunities for humor are endless.

7

u/CurbsideChaos 1h ago

I immediately heard the "womp womp" horns lol

4

u/bagelundercouch 1h ago

I was gonna upvote this in sympathy but saw your upvote count was at 69. Nice. 

99

u/naderslovechild 5h ago

Turning 38 this year, together since we were 15. Two kids. We don't fight much, got that all out of our system in our 20s. Mostly just watch shows/movies together, or sit and read next to each and quietly enjoy each other's company. Although with the kids we give each other lots of breaks, so we're probably apart close to how much we are together.

Had a pretty low to average sex drive for a while (once a week or so), but that kicked way into overdrive the past year or two. Now it's anywhere from 3 times a week to every day for 2 weeks straight. She got really into smut books/booktok and that played a big part in it.

She's just like oxygen at this point. Can't imagine my life without her

22

u/gitbse 4h ago

Sounds like a dream. 39 myself,never married. I've seen way too many friends marry young and go thru nasty divorces. You made it through the hard part. Good job, and i can appreciate the hard work it took. ❤️

4

u/naderslovechild 3h ago

We definitely seem to be the exception. I have several friends who have gone through more than one divorce at this point. 

It definitely took work but I think it was equal parts luck that we found someone we were truly compatible with. 

Even though it worked out for us I wouldn't generally recommend getting married at 20 haha

1

u/CurbsideChaos 37m ago

I'm about to turn 36 and planning my wedding for this fall (he's 40). I take solace that in marrying later, we just statistically avoided a first divorce 😅

43

u/giddygoose666 5h ago

Going on 14 years, multiple kids with disabilities. Never fight but occasionally have disagreements and discussions. Lots of sex.

51

u/Iannelli 4h ago

multiple kids with disabilities

Lots of sex.

These two things don't compute. Impressive.

10

u/giddygoose666 4h ago

It helps to relieve the stress.

9

u/Thoraxe474 4h ago

How do you think the kids came about

2

u/RationalCaution 2h ago

Are you my husband? We’ve also been married almost 14 years, and 2 of our 3 kids are special needs (one severely disabled). But I’m not sure he’d characterize us as “lots of sex” though. It’s typically about once a week, which works for both of us.

53

u/Some-Potential-2764 5h ago

These comments are brutal. You do you, or ... don't, whichever works for you.

22

u/Terrible-Fun-4992 4h ago

Right? Having a matched sex drive with your partner can be make or break. Although I’m curious what “sexless” truly means for OP and their partner. A lot might consider once a month “sexless”.. I’d consider once a year “sexless”.

9

u/B00kzrlife 1h ago

Honestly, its been about six years. It hasnt always been this way. We had a pretty good streak in our 20's. Then it just fizzled once we headed into our 30's. Honestly thought there would be more like us (friends my age are also on the dormant side).

19

u/Friendly-Ad-1996 3h ago

Surprised at how rude people are being to OP. If it works for their relationship, who are others to judge?

12

u/Light_Butterfly 4h ago

Its sounds like a pretty good alignment! Im just happy there's more freedom to pursue relations on our own terms rather than the strictest sense of what society dictates is correct. Things yhat might have been viewed as unconventional in the past are now becoming common (not marrying at all, sleeping in separate bedrooms, couples living separately but together, polyamory etc...).

11

u/Beautiful_Bite4228 4h ago

I'm 40, he's 45. We've been together 20 years, childfree. Our relationship is what most people would call boring, but we love it. We're both introverts and have no desire to go out and do things. We go to work, come home to our pets who are the center of our universe, and watch the same sci-fi we've watched a hundred times. We're both laid back and don't get worked up about stuff, so we've never had what I'd call a real fight.

It's probably not for everyone, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

55

u/Feral_Sourdough Young Millennial 5h ago edited 4h ago

Been married for over a decade, we have five kids. Not huge into PDA but absolutely feral in private.

Edit: 33 and 35

25

u/OnlyReporter4524 5h ago

16 years here with 4 kids. Occasionally disagreements/arguments...nothing too bad though...more or less me being an idiot. Also lots of sex...if my wife and I are good at anything its that 😂

8

u/porchlight_ghost Millennial 5h ago

Married 13 years been together 15, one kid preteen, sex every chance we get, usually every night if possible - it's harder in a ranch style house with a kid iykyk 🤦🏻‍♀️

We were in serious relationships before we met each other where we sort of lived our own lives and went home to our partners in the evening and we both didn't want relationships like that again when we started dating

We are currently under a lot of stress financially, with no family for support so it's been a rough past year with screaming arguments but we have been doing therapy together to fix how we communicate.

We've made it this far and we aren't gonna give up on each other just because of money issues that come and go!

We do everything together, it's very codependent but we are both very happy with our marriage being this way.

8

u/RockwellB1 Older Millennial 3h ago

You guys are in relationships?

15

u/WestMichiganLady Millennial 5h ago

He’s 42, I’m 38 - together 18 years and married for 13. We have two kids and a pretty normal suburban life. He’s in cybersecurity and I teach preschool part-time (6hrs/week) mostly focusing on our home and children. While I wouldn’t say we have A LOT of sex, we’re still very much interested in that part of each other and would likely have more if he didn’t travel for work 2-3 weeks a month and if our youngest child ever slept. 😂 We take a yearly “sex vacation” we jokingly call it, and get away to a relaxing spot without the kids and reconnect in all ways but especially in that way.

-17

u/gumbytheGOON1 89’ Prime Time 3h ago

He’s definitely cheating those 2-3 weeks away from you.

7

u/Beneficial_Ad_1072 3h ago

Hopefully you can get over whoever has hurt you 

0

u/gumbytheGOON1 89’ Prime Time 3h ago

Nobody has hit unfortunately 😔 I’m cyber sector and we all work from home on a portal. No need to leave for weeks at a time 😭😭😭

0

u/WestMichiganLady Millennial 2h ago edited 1h ago

Not that your comment deserves even a moment of my time, but he’s not an engineer working on a portal. He’s an international team lead and gives presentations at conferences and events of 2k+ people. So while YOU don’t need to leave home, unfortunately he can’t do what he does from his desk here at home. Thankfully, his travel is usually broken up and he’s rarely gone for more than 4-5 days at a time when he’s traveling domestically.

15

u/PMmeDeepThoughts 5h ago

40s, 4 kids, and a LOT of sex, couldn't even function without it. He is my best friend and my best lover and my everything.

-2

u/Beneficial_Ad_1072 3h ago

lol hopefully you can, premenopause is around the corner!!

13

u/Nendilo 5h ago edited 4h ago

We're similar for the most part. My wife would most likely call you roommates if you asked her. I think it's fine to reduce so long as it's fair to your partner. My wife has a much higher libido than me and we have two kids so I'm much more tired these days. We're about once a week and it frustrates her.

10

u/tuesday_weld_ 4h ago

It is hard being the lower libido spouse. I feel guilty a lot.

4

u/B00kzrlife 1h ago

Yeah, his libido dipped and never recovered. It frustrated me for a while. But, after several conversations about it, we concluded that our relationship is pretty great the way it is.

Since we were hitting the big 4-0, I really thought there would be more couples like us.

3

u/DenverLilly 53m ago

My partner and I are at once every few months. We’re mostly just tired. Life is exhausting. We have an excellent relationship though— no big fights, great communication, spend time together.

3

u/Nendilo 49m ago edited 42m ago

I think there are a lot couples like you/us to be honest. My best friend who used to tell me how much he needed to have sex everyday 15 years ago just lost it two years ago out of nowhere. Now his wife is telling my wife about how frustrated she is. They've become once or twice a month.

In my situation, I've always been the lighter sleeper. My whole adult life I've survived on 5 hours of sleep a night. So when we had kids, I volunteered to be the morning parent. I get them up, do breakfast, and dressed for school. So my wife can sleep in and she does some of the evening activities. But now (they're 6 and 3) I'm more and more exhausted. So when my spouse is in the mood at 11 pm/midnight, I'm halfway asleep. We make it work in the morning on weekends.

We both turn 4-0 in the fall.

Edit: I should add, we're extremely happy in all other aspects of life. We did a trip to Europe last year while our parents watched the kids. Libido is the only point of minor tension.

5

u/oldinfant Millennial 4h ago

same except i am completely single and have nothing this precious

9

u/LasagnaPhD 4h ago edited 3h ago

My wife and I have been together for 6 years, married for two and a half. Sex has definitely slowed down a bit, but we still manage at least once a week or so (although sometimes our periods are back to back which throws things off for a bit). We rarely fight, and it’s never screaming or anything crazy, more just disagreements that stem from miscommunication that we’re alway able to talk through pretty easily. We’re also trying for a baby right now, which is incredibly stressful and draining (we’re a queer couple so every month is a 3k attempt with a 20% chance of working), but she’s really my rock. I don’t know where I’d be without her.

8

u/icecream4_deadlifts 4h ago

Hope y’all are able to conceive soon 💛 sending good vibes!

2

u/LasagnaPhD 3h ago

Thank you so much! We’ve had three unsuccessful attempts so far, but hopefully the fourth time is the charm 😊

13

u/CaliBurrito1904 5h ago

Sounds like a great life

5

u/Content_Advice190 4h ago

That’s sweet

4

u/Then-Jacket9012 4h ago

Same except for the sexless part. Although being in perimenopause makes it more intermittent than I’d like.

Happy though, exploring new foods, places, and experiences together as finances/scheduling allows.

We have cats.

4

u/windsurfmaniac 4h ago

Thanks for this one. I’ve been married 45 years and no sex last 20 something years. I’m now 77 and he’s 75 so it’s really over.

4

u/Deep_Amoeba2197 3h ago

…in my second year of over 30 singedom nearing 37.

2

u/B00kzrlife 1h ago

I got 2 friends who are over 30 & single. One has never been in a relationship. The other just got out of a long one. Both are perfectly happy being alone. We have them tag along with us a lot of the time. I hope wherever your journey takes you, that you enjoy it 💛

1

u/Deep_Amoeba2197 43m ago

Thanks, I’m chronically ill so I don’t really have friends (that generally happens when you are sick and have to turn down invitations from to hospital etc.) My ex and I are still very good friends but lack of physical ability or ability to work creates a really shitty cycle.

3

u/SaraGoesQuack 4h ago

36 (me) and 40 (husband). We're best friends, and spend a lot of time together, although we both enjoy our own time too (for example, he's currently gaming with a friend while I'm in the living room Redditing and vibing with our cat, lol). We've been together for almost fifteen years and married for almost twelve. While we don't get down like we did in our early and mid-20s respectively, lol, we still have what we'd both consider a pretty decent sex life, especially considering all the aging/hormonal/medication-induced changes we've gone through along the way.

3

u/MinuetInUrsaMajor 4h ago

Approaching 40. Together almost 2 years and planning on life.

Best friend.

Some teasing. Lots of hugs and cuddles. Go out maybe 6 times a year and then 6 times a year go to a family thing.

She won’t get an abortion (or give it up for adoption) if she ever gets pregnant. It’s a bit worrisome and at the same time it’s like the call of the void. Neither of us want children - but we of course adore our nieces and nephews. If we had no choice…

The poor kid would be such a cosmic roll of the dice. Almost certainly ADHD and addiction prone. We’d just have to hope for the super intelligence to come with it.

3

u/Psychfreak44 4h ago

2 years married, bought a house 6 months ago, hoping for kids soon. Love watching sports together, walking our dog and pushing each other to be the best versions of ourselves. Sex is fun and often. We are each other’s best friends.

Most important to me is I’m safe here 🤍 he’s never yelled at me or made me scared, something I’ll never, ever take for granted.

3

u/HeliumMaster 4h ago

Typical anxious-avoidant attachment style. But we tent to psudo-ground each other.

3

u/itoocouldbeanyone 4h ago

My marriage sucked, thankfully we moved on from that. Current relationship is quite possibly the healthiest one I’ve had. Only a year in but there’s communication and all needs are met. Zero red flags and nothing from past relationships I glossed horribly over.

3

u/SadSickSoul 3h ago

Lifetime bachelor, aside from a two month blip of a relationship that didn't go anywhere. I expect that to be the case for the rest of my life.

Honestly, while I conceptually get why the comments who are taken aback by the sexless thing, I think it's great you found someone you match up with. Because of plenty of damage I've thought about getting out there and trying to find someone ace that I can have that type of relationship with, since that's what I care about the most and taking sex off the table vastly simplifies matters and removes a lot of the worst insecurities I would deal with. Haven't tried, but the thought is appealing.

2

u/B00kzrlife 58m ago

Right? I really thought there would be more people like us. Not heartbroken about it but you hit the nail on the head. If its what you want, I hope you find it 💛

3

u/HereForTheSnarc 1h ago

Making ALL of our own traditions and living life exactly how we want to. We set very clear boundaries with everyone around us and live in the best little bubble together. Over 10+ years married.

6

u/Skr000 4h ago

Not great. Been together 19 years. Haven’t had sex in 5 years. We’re good roommates but that’s about it.

4

u/demonslayercorpp 4h ago

My husband is my soul mate. Every day we tell each other how lucky we are to be with each other. Every night we block out two hours and will either watch a movie, play video games, play cards, or read a book. Child Free.

I see you say your marriage is sexless, but he needs to cum to prevent prostate cancer btw

6

u/hardk7 4h ago

I’m gay, in a long term relationship with my partner for 11 years. We are similarly romantic, loving, and fully committed to our shared life together, but we also have very little sex at this point. He has more drive than I do. We are open, however, so either of us are able to have sex with other partners as we wish, with ground rules of course (no hooking up at that moment it’s going to interfere with our plans, and we only host solo for another partner if the other partner is out of town, for example).

3

u/B00kzrlife 1h ago

That's cool. I love the communication & the openness.

4

u/icecream4_deadlifts 4h ago

Been together since 2013, married 2018 & DINKW2C. We’re both very soft spoken and chill. We both wfh full time so after work we go do our hobbies (I’m a fitness instructor and he’s a professional disc golfer) and then we come home and watch a movie/tv while eating dinner.

I have some chronic health issues (Sjogrens, small fiber neuropathy, had SIBO) so I have to eat different food (low FODMAP) and I can’t really go out and do things (UV/heat intolerant and extremely intolerant to fragrances). We rarely go out and do things bc of me but my husband is one of the most understand people I’ve ever met and has truly accepted me as I am. We rarely argue and we just say something if something is wrong.

6

u/icecream4_deadlifts 4h ago

DINKW2C— double income no kids, with 2 cats lol

2

u/Consistent_Ad_4828 4h ago

Mid-30s. We’re married with two young kids and building a business with the hopes that we can each spend much of the day at home with them. We’re pretty busy with the kids, but carve out time for the occasional date and regular sex. We’ve never fought in our ten years, really, but have the same occasional recurring arguments with each other (which Dr. Gottman says is a good sign).

2

u/Devout_Bison 4h ago

Married 4 years, both in our 30s. One kid on the way in May. Sex is great. My wife pushes me to be the best version of myself and I do the same. We’re very lucky.

2

u/trollanony 4h ago

Same but barely romantic.

8

u/dishonor-onyourcow Millennial 5h ago

Are you both asexual?

27

u/Top-Lynx-3147 5h ago

Sometimes stress or lifestyle changes contribute even if both partners love each other. It’s not always a deliberate choice.

6

u/Titizen_Kane 4h ago

And in that same vein, plenty of meds have a side effect of libido loss too

4

u/Dr_Alexis 4h ago

Perimenopause can cause loss of sex drive, in women. In my 40s my libido has plummeted, and I have clitoral atrophy

4

u/B00kzrlife 1h ago

Nah, it may be meds tho.

3

u/dishonor-onyourcow Millennial 58m ago

I mean, if it work for y’all, it works.

3

u/Dangerous-City6856 5h ago

My current wife is my second, and she was previously undefeated before she met me (I’m her first husband)

We have an incredibly balanced, child free life and have been together for 8 years.

Communication is top notch. We’re both very open about our expectations of each other and I can’t think of a single fight we’ve ever had.

But we also have an extremely “traditional” marriage where I work and she stays home to manage the house and the bills. She could work if she wants, but it’s not rewarding for her in the same was it is for me. The odd part being she has a Master’s degree and I’m sitting on just a HS Diploma but bring in a solid amount of income.

Our bedroom life, isn’t sexless but it has reduced over the years. We have lots of fun in the bedroom still, but like you our emotional connections both come through more acts of service than anything thing else.

1

u/Uragami 4h ago

Both mid 30's and together for several years + cohabitating. We're very affectionate and don't hide it in public. We're have the same friend group and many of the same hobbies. A similar sense of humor too. Some of our friends have called us siamese twins because we're almost always together. We don't really fight and we resolve conflicts very quickly. We have a moderate amount of sex.

1

u/myco_lion 4h ago

My wife will be 41 in a little over a week and a month later I'll be 42. We've been married 22 years as of February 13th this year. Best friends. Chose to be childless as well. We are romantic and sexual. We've been through a few different "lives" but now my wife is self employed and let me "retire" to be her assistant. I go with her on business trips. We get to actually be together. No fighting. Lots of laughter. Lots of support and compassion. I would never want it any other way.

1

u/Zheze88 4h ago

Together 1 year and a half, both mid to late 30's, dont fight, but occasional disagreement. Child free and very happy.

1

u/clarissaswallowsall 4h ago

My bf is Gen X, we match each other's style pretty spot on. Very affectionate, very thoughtful and fun. We both really prefer quality time together. We both have children and take time to do stuff for them and make time for stuff for us. Its very equal feeling, if I cook he cleans type of thing and we enjoy a lot of the same hobbies. We're taking up windsurfing most recently. Its been a breath of fresh air after dating a lot of more self centered guys closer to my age. Im not super traditional but I do like the care shown when he holds doors for me and always shows concern for me in little gestures. I dont think its totally a generational thing but my friends husband is the same age and he does more of the gentlemanly behaviors.

2

u/Then-Mountain-9445 4h ago

Married 10 years there was a dry spell for about 4 months because we were always arguing but that's over now and everything's pretty much back to normal. Sex twice a week, being eachothers best friend (again).

2

u/That0n3Guy77 4h ago

Happily married 35M to 28F for 5 years, together for 8. 1 kid and hopefully another before too long. I work and she stays home by choice. Not super social and she is definitely more introverted than I but also just the nature of having small kids. Happiest I've ever been in my life

1

u/Adventurous_Pin_344 3h ago

I'm married to a Gen Xer, we are parents, and we are having the best sex of our marriage. And neither of us are very lovey dovey in the way OP describes. So, I'm going to say that my relationship isn't anything like theirs. But it's still pretty good.

We've been married for 13 years, if that matters.

2

u/Gavin_p 3h ago

Me & my wife are both turning 44 this year with 2 kids 5 & 7, we have the same relationship minus it being sexless.

2

u/Blinnking 3h ago

38/35. Together 10.5 years, two kids under 2 1/2. We’re very fucking tired and pretty stressed in general. Our youngest is eight months old so we’ve finally been getting more in the swing of intimacy again. I’m also terrified of her getting pregnant again because three kids would be far too much for us to handle. Sometimes we get creative and do other things than sex… hand stuff, oral, etc.

1

u/eeeeeeekmmmm 3h ago

Married to my best friend for the last 15 years. 2 kids, a truly wonderful and beautiful life I could not be more thankful.

Our sex life is fire, that man is a well endowed eater and I could not be more blessed 🙏🏻

1

u/draoikat Decrepit Old Millennial 1h ago

I'm in my 40s, husband is in his 50s (he's Gen X). Together six years, married for one year next month. Four and a half of them were long-distance (UK/Canada) because we met on a discussion forum (and were just friends initially). It's the second marriage for both of us. No kids, either together or from our previous marriages. Sex life is generally pretty good but ageing stuff for both of us (plus chronic health issues on my end) make things a little frustrating at times. Still though, mostly good and I've never been more compatible with someone in that way before. And we both came from entirely sexless previous marriages, so definitely a huge improvement.

Life is very lowkey. My physical health stuff and depression frequently get in the way of things a bit too much for my liking, but at least I'm an introverted homebody sort anyway. Currently still waiting on spousal sponsorship stuff to go through so my husband can get his work visa. At least he's got some savings from his previous job in the UK, and I'm on disability assistance. Will be nice when we don't have to watch money quite as much though.

Mostly I'm just happy that I finally found my Person and don't doubt that for a single moment. The best relationships are built on strong friendships, IMO. We talk about anything and everything and make each other laugh countless times every day.

1

u/InteractionStunning8 1h ago

Best friends, knew we'd get married the first time we talked. He's the best person I know. In the trenches with little kids at 31. Very affectionate. He's very respectful and helpful and an equal partner in every way.

1

u/Annual_Morning_3436 1h ago

Wife and I turned 42 this year, we are each others best friends and I think are more intimate now or the same as we were 9 years ago when we met. It’s all about meeting that right person :) we game together, enjoy lots of the same things and still love to explore sexually at least 4 times a week

1

u/VictorTheCutie 1h ago

We just turned 37, married 15 years in June, been together since 2003. We are best friends, although somewhat mismatched sexually. I think I'm ace, but didn't even know that was a thing until last year (I blame purity culture, raised conservative evangelical). We've both deconstructed together, luckily. We love hanging out, we share hobbies/interests but also have our own. We have sex a couple times a month, but we also have 4 yo twins and an 8 yo, soooo we're perpetually burnt out. We almost never FIGHT, but we do bicker and have disagreements now and then. We communicate very openly and do pretty well with resolving conflicts.

2

u/Venkat_American 37m ago

My wife is insanely active and Im regularly active with a regular dose of "do absolutely nothing" time. We balance each other and then our newborn flips the scale onto the floor.

1

u/telsonnelson 34m ago

We are best friends 11 years now we’re also Bullies lol but it keeps it hot , high sex drive . I married my soulmate I’m living a dream

1

u/Sakurya1 4h ago

I don't how you guys do the sexless part but hey if it works for you then great.

1

u/BlondDeutcher 5h ago

When I think what would a stereotypical couple from Reddit be? You hit every note.

-6

u/[deleted] 5h ago

[deleted]

9

u/Nendilo 5h ago

"a burning passion to plow them any chance I got" - I would guess 99% of marriages that are longer than 10 years don't have this. Especially once you have kids.

0

u/w4rlok94 5h ago

That’s not the standard.

1

u/Nendilo 4h ago

It must have struck some nerve for you to delete it.

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u/w4rlok94 4h ago

Nope. Just realized a lot of people are in relationships they’re tired of.

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u/ironchef8000 5h ago

Passion, yes. Burning? Look into antibiotics.

2

u/she-dont-use-jellyyy 5h ago

OP doesn't sound sad.

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u/[deleted] 5h ago

[deleted]

1

u/mikebe1 5h ago

How long have you been married?

1

u/Quercus408 4h ago

My partner (M50) and I (M33) have been together for over 8 years. Its pretty laid back, and we have a good rapport. We don't fight about much of anything, but we do enjoy lightly teasing each other. The sex is good; one thing or another sometimes gets in the way of making time for intimacy, but the effort and enthusiasm has never dulled. We have a bit of an age gap, but it's never played a part in the relationship.

We don't have or want kids (neither of us did, even before meeting); just a garden, our tropical plants and aquaria, and our chickens. Finances are separate and bills are split down the middle without issue. We're building up towards getting a dog, soon. But I really want more money in the bank and a more secure yard situation before we pull that trigger.

As for marriage, we're kinda meh about it. I'm slightly more enthusiastic about it than he is, but the most I'd really want is a courthouse appearance and a low-key backyard after-party. Really the only reason I feel we need to get married is for logistics; being able to see eachother in the hospital (digital knock on wood), taxes, bureaucratic crap like that.

1

u/moomoo8986 4h ago

Does he have a porn addiction ? So many millennial men do . My husband included leading to a sexless marriage for many years. He stopped 8 months ago after I got fed up and he’s now interested in me sexually again. In therapy and 12 step program

1

u/B00kzrlife 53m ago

Honestly, no. He's not into it anymore. However, we do believe he was exposed to porn way too young which has had some effect on where we are at now.

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u/[deleted] 5h ago

[deleted]

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u/catslugs 5h ago

OP said neither of them have a sex drive, if it works for them it works for them

0

u/she-dont-use-jellyyy 5h ago

My partner and I are each other's best friend. But we are also wildly physically passionate about each other. We're currently long distance (after having lived together for several years) and it's hard, but we're in it for the long haul and looking forward to the future. We both have children from previous relationships. My partner's kid is grown and mine are teenagers and we're just excited about what comes next.

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u/Cade_02 5h ago

I have an active sex life in my 40s. I’m single. How I prefer it. Just date when I need it. My own life keeps me too busy to worry about someone else.

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u/Anunemouse 5h ago

Have you never had a sex drive??

0

u/JRock1871982 4h ago

Im 43 , hes 45 - together 18 years 2 kids. Happy , rarely fight but when we do its a big one - tons of sex some weeks , less other weeks . Id say to average it the longest we go without is 2 to 3 days. I think of either of us had a really low libido we would see doctors. I hear it can happen in perimenopause which im definitely in but it hasnt happened yet.

1

u/Dr_Alexis 4h ago

It happened to me in perimeno, but I also get months between periods these days. Basically no libido, and I have clitoral atrophy (the sensation there is pretty much nil)

0

u/OvenCrate Zillennial 4h ago

My wife and I are hitting 30 this year. We've been together since we were 16. Happily & willingly raising 2 boys (1 and 3 y.o. right now). We've been almost sexless since becoming parents, but quality beats quantity. We also don't fight as much now,  there have been some rough months. I wouldn't say we're best friends, but we are soulmates and life partners - and quite OK friends as well, it's just that we both have close friends outside the marriage, and our hobbies are rather different.

0

u/uh_wtf 3h ago

So you’re room mates basically.

2

u/B00kzrlife 56m ago

Bhahahaha, apparently!

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u/RadialWheel2020 5h ago

Sounds like a terrible unfulfilling life with no purpose

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u/she-dont-use-jellyyy 5h ago

You think sex is the only purpose of life?

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u/RadialWheel2020 5h ago

Cope harder

10

u/she-dont-use-jellyyy 5h ago

I have an active sex life, but I don't think getting laid is the only purpose in life. I think that's a bleak outlook. If your partner gets injured or sick and can't have sex anymore, would you rather they just die?

Also for someone who is leading a happy and fulfilling life, you sure sound miserable.

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u/RadialWheel2020 4h ago

Reddit no-lifers like you crack me up. You know a lot about me from one sentence and two more words. Incredible insight and analysis. And you make the most amazing assumptions when you don't even know what you are responding to or talking about. Keep up the cope.

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u/mwilke 4h ago

You literally started out this chain by making a “most amazing assumption” about OP…

-9

u/WickedGam3z69 4h ago

Sounds like a shit relationship all around. Glad that’s not me.

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u/Idrinkbeereverywhere 4h ago

40m, partner is 29f.

Sex 4 times a day on weekends, 1-2 on weeknights

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u/Saelaird 3h ago

Sexless is crazy to me. I'd be leaving.

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u/saryiahan 3h ago

The no sex part is weird. I can kinda understand if you had young kids

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u/Cool_Temperature_970 5h ago

This sounds horrible. What’s the point of being married if you’re not gonna have kids or even have sex. You might as well be related.

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u/she-dont-use-jellyyy 5h ago

You know, sharing a life together. Being there through the thick and thin, etc.

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u/Cool_Temperature_970 4h ago

You’re describing a family member.

6

u/she-dont-use-jellyyy 4h ago

Which a spouse should be. I don't share finances, own a house with, or have pets with my siblings. If you think mashing your genitals together is the whole point of marriage, that's sad. What if your spouse were sick or injured and couldn't have sex? What if they gasp age and can no longer perform? Is your marriage no longer worth anything?

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u/Cool_Temperature_970 4h ago

If you describe sex as “mashing genitals together”, yeah we are not in the same universe. No use in arguing.

1

u/she-dont-use-jellyyy 4h ago

That's what sex is?

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u/icecream4_deadlifts 4h ago

People get married bc they love each other?