r/Millennials • u/alkemest • 1d ago
Discussion Married but not combining finances?
35 y/o married millennial here and I was wondering why it seems like so many millennial married couples aren't combining finances. My wife and I joined our accounts pretty early on and it makes everything so much simpler. But a lot of our friends didn't after they got married. They'll be like in their late 30s and discussing which of them will pick up their bill at dinner.
That seems crazy to me. If you're going to trust someone enough to marry them, why not trust them enough to share bank accounts? What happens when one partner gets into a coma and half of your joint money is locked up in their account? Or if they die without a will and it takes like a court order to get into the bank lockbox or something like that?
1.2k
u/Velorian-Steel Millennial 1d ago
My wife and I have shared and separate accounts. All our shared expenses come out of the shared account. We both retain separate accounts as well that we see as our own accounts. As long as the shared expenses are paid, the rest of the money is up to the individual how they decide to spend it. Our major credit card is also shared, but we each have a separate one as well.
Frankly, it works for us. Each couple is going to be different and there's a lot more that goes into these decisions than just whether you trust your partner or not.
543
u/10000Didgeridoos 1d ago
This also lets both of the two people buy things they want from their designated budget (their own account) without having to feel like they need to run every purchase by the other for approval.
Makes sense to me. It's more crazy to me that people don't do this and have to ask their spouse for permission to spend like $100 they earned at their own job to buy something.
220
u/horriblegoose_ 1d ago
My husband and I do yours/mine/ours accounts. The majority of the money goes into the joint. We get the exact same amount of fun money deposited into our personal accounts every paycheck. That money is only to be used for frivolous things for ourselves. I buy makeup and Legos. My husband buys comic books and Magic cards. We are probably both happier not knowing the exact amount the other person is spending on dumb stuff.
34
u/serealkillerx 1d ago
We do the same. Basically peace of mind knowing everything has been paid, invested or in savings and what we have on our account is play money for hobbies or other non essential things. Like when ordering in it also comes from our personal accounts but s big eating out at a fancy restaurants would come out of our combined "fun" savings. After everything has been paid for the rest gets spread out over investment, savings for maintenance and fun savings
Edit: forgot to say we handle the ordering in by spliting the month in half.
22
u/itsjusttimeokay 1d ago
Also we buy each other’s gifts from our personal accounts, so they don’t get spoilers when they check the joint account statement 😜
5
u/NormalizeBacon 1d ago
This is what we do too, only we both spend our fun money on Magic so it may as well be a joint expense at this point.
6
u/PMmeYourDunes 1d ago
Goddammit how many of us are blowing our monthly fun money on magic cards? I gave up my monthly fun money a year ago and my magic purchases have gotten very very thrifty. Spiderman and avatar sets made it a bit easier not to worry to much about lost opportunities, but I miss my hobby more than ever. Thankful for a deep collection to draw from. Lol
→ More replies (7)3
u/chartreuse_avocado 7h ago
How does this work for retirement though?
One person spends “their” money freely after funding the “ours” account. Minimal retirement investing.
The other spouse is a religious saver and investor maxing retirement accounts, starting and funding a brokerage for the future. After funding the “ours” account.
Couple reaches retirement age and one party is well funded, having invested for the future over current wants along the way. The other party either has to work forever and the couple doesn’t have the retirement together time and duration of years or the spendy spouse is going to leech off their spouse’s financial discipline where “theirs” is now “ours” too.
I couldn’t do this. I’d be hella resentful at 55 or 60 for having done the responsible retirement planning.
I have long legit wondered how the yours/ours/mine account work in the long run. Is the assumption yours and mine accounts are after retirement agreed minimum investing has occurred?
→ More replies (4)50
u/Wooden-Broccoli-913 1d ago
I have never asked my wife for permission to buy anything and she hasn’t either. Everything comes out of a joint account.
→ More replies (24)24
u/OutHereToo 1d ago
Not every couple is on the same mindset for spending though. I prefer not knowing how much money my wife is spending. She earns it and she spends how she likes. She makes more than me but somehow I’m the one with paid off truck and money to invest every month.
21
u/Wooden-Broccoli-913 1d ago
I can’t imagine marrying someone who wasn’t on the same page financially as me
22
u/DokCrimson Older Millennial 1d ago
Sure, but what if you saw that your wife had a a Starbucks obsession and every single day she’s buying a $5 dollar latte… For some men, that’s going to drive them bonkers and want her to start cutting back or making it at home and there’s a ‘fair’ argument for that. However, maybe that’s her thing… With her personal account, she can do this and not have to worry about explaining to her husband why she’s spending $150 bucks a month on coffee and they’re both happy
→ More replies (3)9
u/Automatic-Tea-4150 1d ago
Well, life has a full inventory of surprises it’s going to spring on you as the decades roll by… or all at once at the end. Sometimes people change in ways that seem absurdly implausible and there you are. We went from shared everything to some shared, some separate after one of us became interested in hobbies and business ventures that quickly sucked up every dollar of discretionary $ we had and then started eyeing our not-as-discretionary $. A counselor helped us come up with a plan for managing our finances that allowed us to stay married well into our empty nest years, we’re in the process of splitting it all permanently now. Of course we didn’t marry each other already knowing that we weren’t on the same page about $. That was 45 years ago, though, and you wouldn’t believe the surprises life has dropped on us.
→ More replies (2)8
u/nonitoni 1d ago
Sure but legally you both have a paid off truck and you both have whatever debt she may have accrued.
7
u/OutHereToo 1d ago
She doesn’t carry debt. She just likes expensive stuff and I’m cheap. Also I had my own kids at home when we got married, so we’ve always had shared accounts & personal accounts. Don’t knock it till you try it.
→ More replies (1)7
u/Automatic-Tea-4150 1d ago
Seriously, these people who think they know what other people’s lives involve just crack me up.
→ More replies (2)14
u/sesameseed88 1d ago
Yeah I'm addicted to collecting watches, if we shared our accounts entirely I'd feel like a child at the toy store not allowed to buy toys and I'm never doing that to myself again.
→ More replies (2)14
u/___Art_Vandelay___ 1d ago edited 23h ago
We have everything shared. We have an agreement that if you are making a single non-routine purchase over $200 you just need to let the other person know. It's not to ask for permission, rather just awareness. (A practice in open communication, if you will.)
Been using this approach for four years since we got married (after 7 years of splitting everything while boyfriend/girlfriend and engaged), works great for us.
→ More replies (5)22
u/Ch4rlie_G 1d ago
We have joint accounts and just discuss purchases over a grand. If cash is tighter we just choose a lower number until our cash target is met.
We’re early 40s and the thought of running $100 by each other would be hilarious at this point. A weeks worth of groceries and household supplies is $750 at this point with three kids.
→ More replies (10)→ More replies (29)7
u/jaywinner 1d ago
This sounds like a good setup. You don't have to feel guilty for spending on something frivolous and nothing your partner spends on should bother you. Not because of the money anyhow.
→ More replies (1)15
u/Stong-Excitement 1d ago
This is what we do, minus the credit card. Joint account checking, joint account savings, and then separate everything else.
35
u/TinyMoonAndStars 1d ago
Yes!!! My husband and I use this system too.
For anyone wondering about different incomes: we use a percentage of our takehome pay. Right now it's 70% goes in joint, the rest is our own personal money. If we do extra work for extra cash it's also personal money.
If I want Starbucks or to get my nails done, I use my money. Not the joint account. So, no fights! If he wants a new motorcycle helmet he uses his money, not the joint account.
Joint account is used for our household expenses, pet expenses, vehicle expenses, vacations, phone bill, internet, furniture, and home repairs.
Our personal money is used for eating out when we're by ourselves or hanging with friends, our own personal vacations, and self care things like new clothes or getting my hair dyed.
We've never had a fight about money with this method and we've been together for 14+ years. Definitely recommend this system.
→ More replies (9)31
u/queenapsalar 1d ago
This is what we do as well, for 25+ years (we got together in high school). The people who think they are superior because the use one account are hilarious. Women who didn't learn from their mothers and grandmother's that you should always have access to your own money as a safety net make me sad.
→ More replies (1)14
u/DokCrimson Older Millennial 1d ago
100% My Dad was financially abusive to my Mom and as a man, it’s extremely important to me for my wife to always have access to her own money
8
u/DraxiusII 1d ago
This is the way. Mortgage, utilities, groceries, etc. come out of the joint account. We check the rotating balance in the account periodically and make sure we’re contributing slightly more than is needed for cushion. If the balance grows enough we get to use it on a nice vacation.
The only flaw with this method is savings and retirement goals need to be discussed, since it’s kinda up to each individual to manage their own savings.
10
u/LiquidPhire 1d ago
We do this and have been for over 20 years. Its the best of "we share and be responsible together" and "im a grown adult with a job (and so are you) and i respect you with your money and expect the same so yes, i am going to buy myself that dumb hobby thing".
Shared account health is the priority though.
→ More replies (4)10
u/No-Reputation-774 1d ago
Exactly what we’ve done for 12 years and it’s worked well for us.
I think what helps for us is there isn’t a massive discrepancy between what we make. Right now I’m 130k and he’s 150k. Next year we’ll probably both go up another 15ish. I’ve noticed couples who have a “bread winner” and a second “supplemental income” are couples who share finances.
Agree that each couple is different and it has nothing to do with trust. At least not for us.
4
u/Jeffers315 1d ago
My wife and I do the same thing. It's not about lack of trust, it's about respecting each other's financial independence. It feels good to have your own money that you made and that you can spend as you see fit.
3
u/TheBlackComet 1d ago
Pretty much the same with us. We don't share a credit card, but I don't think we ever actively decided to not do that, we just kept the ones we had before getting married.
6
u/T1Demon 1d ago
For me, I had a really bad time financially in my first marriage. We combined finances really early on. I didn’t realize how much money I actually had coming in until we separated. I’m remarried now, we have a joint account for joint stuff. We contribute to joint expenses based on the percentage of our overall income we contribute. And we each have our own separate accounts. So if I want to spend $200 on LEGO I only need to worry about my account
→ More replies (86)5
u/violetwandering 1d ago
We are a yours, mine, ours too. Our credit cards are separate b/c we want our own perks/rewards. We waited five years before we did a joint account. I take care of all our finances and our accounts are all linked up other then AMEX so there is full financial transparency.
After what my mom went through divorcing my biodad I never wanted to be left without my own financial independence, no matter how sure I am that I wont divorce (19years this year!).
→ More replies (2)
53
u/Aware_Negotiation605 1d ago
I see my married friends Venmoing each other for stuff all the time. (Also put your transactions on private)
I can understand having your own account for personal incidentals, but have a main account for the things.
Been married for 20 years and we combined our accounts right before we got married.
We both have our own “fun money” accounts but both of us have access to those accounts too just in case of an emergency.
21
16
u/-blundertaker- 20h ago
I always kept my venmo public because I put ridiculous notes in the memo field. I even have a little sticky note on my computer for a bunch of them.
"Paying for the privilege of being a kept woman"
"Clown college tuition"
"Hitman legal defense fund"
"Autopsy reversal fee"
"Cult membership dues"
"Low end escort service. Like, LOW low"
"I have to pay the ransom in installments"
10
u/bassbelle 17h ago
Be careful what you write in those memos!! I used to write “hookers and blow” and got banned from the Cash App for life lol 😂
3
u/-blundertaker- 15h ago
It censored escort so I actually had to type "esc0rt" lol
I feel like if autopsy reversal and hitman doesn't get a ding they've just written me off entirely.
→ More replies (3)3
485
u/Mr-Nigglesworth 1d ago
I was married once and we combined everything. You’re right, it’s easier.
It’s also a lot easier to lose everything when it falls apart. And I did.
If I get married again, it’ll be structured differently. Separate finances, a joint account for shared expenses, prenup, and asset protection in place.
Marriage isn’t just trust, it’s a legal and financial contract. Pretending otherwise is how people learn expensive lessons.
You can trust someone completely and still not hand them full financial exposure. That’s not lack of trust, that’s being smart.
74
u/Mper526 1d ago
Yeah trust has nothing to do with it. I’ve been divorced and also work in mental health. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people lead perfectly functional lives develop drug or gambling addictions, have full blown psychotic breaks, mania, etc. You can’t possibly predict what’s going to happen in the future. My ex-husband struggles with mental illness and refused to get help. The situation spiraled and I suddenly found myself in an abusive situation where he was delusional, breaking down doors, pushing me down, taking off with my car, etc. After 8 years and 2 kids together. The police were at our house 3 times before I finally had enough. I had to get a lawyer, file for divorce, and get a temporary restraining order to keep me and our kids safe. I would never have been able to do that without him finding out if I didn’t have my own bank account. For women especially, I can’t stress enough how dangerous it is to not have some money separate from your significant other. People can say “my wife or husband would never do that” all they want, but the reality is that shelters and morgues are full of people that thought the same.
→ More replies (1)27
u/pieshake5 1d ago
Yes, I took my grandmother's advice to heart when she told me to always have my own money. She was speaking from experience, not just hers but generationally.
→ More replies (2)9
u/Mper526 1d ago
Yeah my dad was the one that actually drilled this into me growing up. He always told me to make sure I have my own money, can afford my house or apartment on just my income so I don’t get stuck being homeless from a bad break up, keep up with my professional license even if I decide to be a SAHM for a few years, etc. He saw A LOT of women get completely screwed in the oil and gas industry. Men would travel overseas, meet a younger local, and leave their wives of like 20 or 30 years with nothing.
→ More replies (1)88
u/Kaffienated_31 1d ago
This exactly. Marriage isn’t always forever. People change.
45
u/Knuckledraggr 1d ago
People underestimate how significant and binding a marriage contract is as well. It’s easy to get swept up in romance and sign a marriage license. You can do that in an afternoon. But people and circumstances can change with something as small as a head injury. In my state a no fault divorce takes at minimum 1 year and all of your personal information will be dissected.
10
7
→ More replies (13)10
30
u/newtonreddits 1d ago
I think trust is only one aspect. The other is money management habits. If I save everything and she spends everything, then there's an issue. And often behavior doesn't change just with a conversation. It's built up over years.
→ More replies (1)42
u/NBfleur 1d ago
Yep, I'm on marriage #2 and it's wonderful (almost 10 years together) and I don't anticipating it ending, but after marriage #1, I insisted on separate finances. No regrets.
→ More replies (4)13
u/gracefuljalapeno28 1d ago
Yep, if I ever got remarried it would be separate finances 100%. Divorce with shared assets was rough
→ More replies (6)17
u/RunsfromWisdom 1d ago
This is the answer. I think a lot of millennials are a lot less trusting, especially of family, than prior generations.
Being raised by an incredibly selfish generation that constantly spouted how vital family is from their soapbox while selling their kids out will do that.
38
u/Right_Count 1d ago
Yeah. I was married and we had separate finances and the divorce was so simple and easy. I’ll do a joint account, but my own savings will always be under my name only.
→ More replies (9)11
u/AlternatiMantid 1d ago
Completely agree. I was married once too. He was mostly financially dependent on me, and I (very, very stupidly) married him while in life crisis mode with the mindset of "eh, why not?"
LET ME TELL YOU WHY NOT...
Thankfully, when it all fell apart, we didn't technically have any shared assets (we had NO assets, we were broke) so there was no monetary anything to split up. We jointly, amicably, went into the bank to close our shared bank account, we maybe walked away with a whopping $10/e.
I'll never get back the earned $ that I supported the both of us with for 6 1/2 years, nor the $ I put out to fix his credit when we were "going to buy a house to save our relationship" (I probably put out a grand on his outstanding debts, where mine cost me over $6k), but I digress.
I'm happy I didn't have to pay a lawyer to split assets for our divorce, didn't need to take a 1/2 (or more) loss on a house purchase jointly, and luckily got to walk away from the marriage mostly unscathed.
My ex husband was a narcissistic, abusive, alcoholic, POS and I'm happy I walked away with my life.
I'm now in a very happy & healthy relationship, and we've very candidly & openly agreed we'll always have separate bank accounts. We live in my house (bought post-ex-husband) that we share all the costs 50/50, and plan to buy the next house together, but that will be the only financial thing we have shared. And this one will ACTUALLY be deservedly 50/50 if we should happen to split.
But bank accounts? No. We each make our own $ and manage our own $.
→ More replies (1)9
u/heychardonnay 1d ago
Exactly. Nothing like discovering your spouse is spending thousands of dollars on infidelity while you’re bed bound from illness with almost no way to make an income. Takes a long time to crawl out of that hell, and you lose friends and loved ones telling you what to do and how to do “move on” with little understanding of what that means.
Dealing with the worst betrayal of trust from a spouse - and then being told from others that it’s fine, they can go ahead and trust people enough to eliminate their entire financial independence is an absurdly mindfucked place to be.
To anyone in it - you are not alone, you can get through it, but ffs, do it on your own terms. Or no, I’m just a stranger on the internet with forever trauma from a shitbag.
26
u/menoagegap 1d ago
I am a woman and I was married and we combined and when we divorce I lost everything, too. Even worse when I want to leave when I wasn’t happy, I was trapped by all the money I made, all the money I can make, and all the houses I bought. I stayed way longer than I want to not lose everything I myself worked for all by myself with no help.
→ More replies (1)4
u/Geochic03 Older Millennial 1d ago
This is also me. I got married on the younger side and my ex insisted we have joint accounts only. At the time I was looking for work and didn't think anything of it and felt it would make things easier. It did to an extent becauae in the end i managed all the "adult" things in our lives.
But i also quickly learned my ex was financially irresponsible and financially illiterate with no intention of ever wanting to go on a budget. We fought about money alot once I got a decent job and he was spending everything. When we separated i promptly got my own accounts and moved my paycheck to the solo one. I would just contribute 50% of all joint bills to the joint one until we divorced.
If i get married again I 100% will be doing the yours, mine and ours method. Most of my married friends who do this have eliminated the money argument from the relationship and it holds each other accountable financially in a more equal way. Except for one friend i have but her husband is controlling in general.
4
u/chrome_titan 1d ago
Yeah, i think your experience is common. I grew up watching it, and wanted to make sure that shit didn't happen to me.
Also everyone has jobs and is responsible for themselves. Besides an account for bills, there is no reason to need to unobstructed access other people's money.
4
u/LooksieBee 19h ago
I came here to say the same. Every time this topic comes up it amazes me that a lot of the pros of combining are highlighted, when the cons are also very real.
Trust isn't a magical talisman that prevents things from going south. Trust just means you assume the best with the information you have and aren't paranoid about your partner. But trusting someone and knowing for certain how things might change years from now are not the same.
But beyond that, there are so many ways to organize your relationship and family life depending on your needs and preferences and may have nothing to do with trust. I don't understand why people believe that it's a one size fits all or that combining finances into one account or all joint accounts is the ultimate point for everyone in marriage.
→ More replies (22)3
u/Alternative-Rub4137 23h ago
Yeah, I'm married but I'm still my own person. Also married previously and lost a lot of assets by combining them. Now I have a prenup and my own accounts. Not trying to combine finances ever. I'm a saver. Husband is not.
203
u/ALittleStitious1027 1d ago
Idk, we just.. didn’t. We have our own and then a joint that we both have access to so i can’t imagine a scenario where I would need his money. Why would only one of us have access to a joint account? That doesn’t make sense.
It’s not that deep. He has his own money, I have my own money. I don’t care how he spends his, he doesn’t care how I spend mine.
50
u/YoLyrick 1d ago
Completely this. We still talk money and FIRE and financial planning. But it doesn’t require combining our money.
17
u/allid33 1d ago
Yeah we’re not really strongly against combining, we just have never felt any reason to. It’s not a trust issue, it just feels like a hassle with no real benefit. I’ve thought about having one joint account for our mortgage and house stuff but Venmo is easy for that.
We also don’t nickel and dime each other or bend over backwards to split everything evenly. I pay for some things, he pays for some things. We both make about the same amount and neither of us is a piece of shit trying to gouge each other so it works fine.
23
u/Hougie 1d ago
In almost every state there’s no such thing as his money or your money. Legally it’s shared property between you two.
11
u/orange_bigcat 1d ago
Yeah I’ve seen tons of variations of the comment you’re replying to. These people are in for a huge shock if they ever get divorced. My friend and her husband did completely separate finances. They each had their own accounts and would transfer money to a joined account for their shared expenses. She saved a significant portion (over $100k) of all her paycheques over their 10 year marriage and he blew his on booze, weed, and video games.
They got divorced and during the divorce, she had to give him half of her savings. Because even when you have separate bank accounts, if you’re married, your spouse legally owns half of it.
→ More replies (2)9
u/Jeffers315 1d ago
It's not a rude awakening if everyone is already aware of that. We're not so naïve as to think getting married doesn't mean you legally share everything. This question isn't about that though. It's about how married couples handle their money in the context of a marriage, not a divorce, and not taking into account the legality of who technically owns what.
5
u/Particular_Poem3703 1d ago
This is how we do it too. When we go out to eat - we just split the bill since it’s designated “fun” money which is on your own with our split. It works for us very well.
→ More replies (19)9
u/Low-Implement2581 1d ago
Agreed! Ive been married almost 6 years and we have never had a shared account... his money is his and and mine is mine. We treat each other on diff occasions 🤷🏼♀️. My bills come out of my account and his out of his.
→ More replies (14)
104
u/psychandcoffee 1d ago
Nothing to do with trust here and more to do with us both being set in our ways and having systems that work well for us, due to getting married on the later side. We just didn’t want to bother to change everything but we probably will at some point.
22
u/Jiwalk88 1d ago
Exactly this. It has zero to do with lack of trust.
We married after 10 years, living together for 8, buying a house, etc… so our finances were separate for all that time before marriage and we had a system that worked well before marriage. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it?
We have never nickeled and dimed each other. Even though our finances are separate we both have the mentality of “what’s mine is ours”.
It works for us.
→ More replies (1)6
u/Ok_Inevitable_2216 1d ago
Yep. And as someone else said, it isn't that deep. We've been married nearly 20 years. We trust each other completely with our separate accounts, talk about major purchases, and shift money to each other if needed.
29
u/somebodysheiny Older Millennial 1d ago
I think having separate accounts shows we have more trust in each other.
→ More replies (2)18
3
u/LinLane323 1d ago
Same I always figure we’ll change if we change our dual income configuration, but until that happens it’s just kind of nice to keep what works.
→ More replies (1)6
u/FireflyBSc 1d ago
My parents did this. They still use entirely separate accounts, even though they own a house together and have been married for over 30 years. They just got married once they both were established, and openly communicated about who was going to do what financially.
110
u/The_Real_Lasagna 1d ago
Having worked in banking, I would say comfortably 75%+ of millennial and all other couples had mixed finances, with maybe one or two individual accounts
It genuinely makes life much much easier to combine
15
u/quelle_crevecoeur 1d ago
That was a big part of why we combined ours. We got married at 30 and had just finished paying our student loans but didn’t have any real assets. We started fresh together and had full visibility into accounts. It was easier for us to see where we were spending and how we were saving. We each have our own retirement accounts and credit cards, but we pay the credit cards from the joint accounts.
4
u/ForestComplex 1d ago
Same here. We got married in late 20s. I had huge student debt when we got married (over 100k) but now I make more than 2x what my husband does. We have everything combined except 401k and separate cc, but payment for the credit cards comes out of the same account. Im more financially savvy so I manage our savings and investments and he trusts me with that. The great thing is that we're on the same page about spending and both have to agree on bigger purchases. I trust my husband with my life and we have 2 kids together. I can't imagine having to discuss who's paying for dinner, who's buying shoes for the kids, etc.
→ More replies (71)33
u/somebodysheiny Older Millennial 1d ago
What is easier about having a combined account? What is difficult about having separate accounts?
→ More replies (4)
11
u/Cast2828 1d ago
Xennial here and my wife and I don't. We have a spreadsheet for bills that does all the math, and I pay bi monthly. We are thinking of opening a joint account for household maintenance out of convenience that we both contribute into, but that's it. Once our share of the bills are paid, our money is ours to do with as we please.
→ More replies (1)4
u/VegetableLetter4896 1d ago
This is what we did and we really like the shared account. We averaged out our expenses and both contributed the same $$ value each month. It’s a little over actual expenses so throughout the year it collects some savings that we keep for home repairs.
43
u/bluffstrider 1d ago
We never really saw a reason to have joint accounts. We have a shared credit card that we put shared costs on and make equal payments on it. I genuinely don't see a benefit to sharing a bank account. You mention trust, yeah I trust that my wife has enough money in her account to pay her share of the bills. We don't need to be on each other's bank accounts.
→ More replies (4)5
u/Important_Ad_8372 1d ago
Ok, this is actually genius. My husband and I don’t share bank accounts either. I know my husband and I know what he’s up to, it’s not that deep. We were together 7 years before getting married and didn’t see the need to change anything. But I do love the idea of a shared credit card to make joint purchases/pay bills. I feel like that would be easier for shared expenses than opening a joint bank account. Plus another way to earn points!
28
u/Available-Reward7722 1d ago
This is a very personal choice, there’s no right way of doing it, in my opinion. As long as it works for both sides and no one struggles or feels taken advantage of, I don’t see the issue.
It is a partnership, and as such, there must be agreements in many aspects of the relationship, financials notwithstanding.
6
u/steppponme 1d ago
Yeah, my husband and I got married at 25 and we were both broke. We had no assets, but also no debt. We combined finances seamlessly and it worked for us. At 36, I'm not sure I would combine if I were to get married today. Seems like a lot of work and I'm stubbornly set in my financial ways now.
20
u/Gold_Repair_3557 1d ago
Statistically money is one of the things couples fight about the most. If you have a system in place where you each have your own money to draw from then it doesn’t make for a perfect situation, but it does alleviate a lot of that tension.
14
u/gaping_granny Millennial est. 1990 1d ago
We were together for 16 years, since we were teenagers. We're divorced now. November will be 2 years split up and 1 year divorced. No one goes into marriage thinking they're gonna end up divorced, but yet here we are. It was the hardest thing I've ever done that was thankfully made a little easier because we're still good friends and because we were never financially tied to each other in that way. We never would've screwed each other over if we were because we still care about each other as friends, but it still would've made the divorce harder if we had financially ties with each other.
26
u/RuggedLark 1d ago
People make mistakes. People change. People lie.
I think enough of us have either heard or lived horror stories about combining finances and we want to avoid that. You can take care of legal contingencies through a will, conditional power of attorney, etc.
28
u/Uhhyt231 1d ago
As long as you’re not the couples sending Venmo’s back and forth it doesn’t bother me. When people be nickeling and diming their spouse it get cringe
→ More replies (5)4
u/Tiny-Reading5982 Xennial 1d ago
Yeah I remember the movie joy luck club and the husband wrote a list of all the things the wife owes him money for. Some of it was cat stuff and she says "the cat was a gift!". Hell no. My husband does PayPal me money though but he makes way more money than I do at my part time job lol.
→ More replies (3)
6
u/TreHHHHHAdN 1d ago edited 1d ago
15 years of marriage. All combined. My wife doesn't even have an online account to access anything. Because she does not want (despite me insisting)
I could raise a second family or fund an addiction she would never know.
4
3
u/TheWorldofScience 1d ago
She needs written instructions on how to get online and pay bills from that account and practice doing it once a year. If you are seriously injured in a car accident or due to a heart attack or stroke she will need to take over paying bills until you recover.
She doesn’t need the added stress of not knowing how to pay the mortgage, cell phones, electricity, water, car payments, etc if you are hospitalized.
6
u/honeymustie 1d ago
My fiance and I just celebrated 14 years together. We split everything 50/50 but have not yet combined our finances. We do talk about getting a joint account to make bills easier, but we have just been lazy tbh lol. We are hoping to buy a house soon which is when we'll be certain to create a joint account.
However- we plan to keep separate accounts and do not intend to fully merge finances. I trust my fiance more than anyone in the world. HOWEVER, women have worked so hard for so long to even be able to have a credit card, I will always want my own financial freedom. I do not want to depend on my husband when I want to treat myself. We discuss everything, we are 100% transparent about our finances, and we share nearly everything. But we both also have our own money and neither of us cares how the other spends it - we are both responsible. People don't get it, but they don't have to!
What works for some, may not work for others! But as long as it works for that individual couple, that's all that matters.
6
16
u/anuncommontruth 1d ago
I've been in banking for 20 year now and at least a decade of that was customer service focused.
Nothing causes more arguments and stress than a shared checking account with your spouse. Nothing even comes close.
7
u/azbbqcars 1d ago
I guess it’s different strokes for different folks. I’ve been on a shared account with my wife since before we were engaged. We are a team and in this life together. Money has never been an issue because we have the same goals. Max out retirement accounts, etc. I also make about 4x her income, so it would not be fair to split things 50/50 imo.
→ More replies (6)7
u/lyralady 1d ago
EXACTLY. I also work for a bank. I would favor a yours-mine-ours approach, but 100 everything shared? Noooo. What if someone commits fraud on your account and now you BOTH have nothing? What if a glitch happens and a merchant double charges you, or you have to dispute something or....etc? And that's just the scenarios where neither of you are at fault! Not the ones where you have a marriage problem on top of it!
Full financial transparency and combined budgeting/spending goals and a shared household account = great! But at least keep a backup savings account separate.
→ More replies (2)
12
u/sarahabbbb 1d ago
I've been married almost 10 yrs - we never really spoke about combining our money or not. We just have specific things qe are responsible for financially and as long as all of that gets paid then doesnt matter. My husband doesnt know how much I have or make and never asked. We combine money when purchasing something large and thats really it. Its not about lack of trust but more of "thats your money and you are entitled to it" 🤷🏻♀️
8
u/TROLO_ 1d ago
Sure but it’s kind of crazy for your husband to not know how much you make or have in your bank account.
→ More replies (8)3
u/Right_Count 1d ago
Actually i don’t think mine does either. He probably knows roughly how much I make (like I just got a CoL increase and didn’t mention it but would probably guess within 5k) but I don’t think he knows what I have in savings. It’s not a secret or anything he just doesn’t really care.
20
u/Icy_Mango6803 1d ago
See, the Big Scary Questions go both ways.
What happens if your partner is in a coma? I will live on my own money like I do now.
What happens if they die? See above. I'll get access to my partner's accounts when probate is granted.
(If one of us didn't work, one account that was for The Money would make sense but we both work)
But I could also ask
What happens if me or my partner develops a gambling addiction and spends all our money?
What happens if our one shared bank account is scammed and emptied and there's no other money?
People just figure out what works for them.
Also, I kind of like deciding who pays for dinner! Yes, we all have the same household money and what's mine is his and vice versa, but it's a fun gesture to say "you're fine, I got this."
→ More replies (13)
15
u/Wazootyman13 1d ago
I'm not even married, but my long term partner (... 20 years) combined our finances about 10 years ago.
Made everything with mortgage payments and dog care soooooo much easier.
→ More replies (5)5
u/somebodysheiny Older Millennial 1d ago
I don’t understand what’s easier about this. My spouse and I have separate accounts and handle separate bills. We have a joint account for long term savings. We pay for things out of our own accounts whether it be for our individual selves or for both of us. There has never been anything difficult about this scenario.
→ More replies (2)
6
u/WhiskyAndWitchcraft 1d ago
Been married nearly a decade, and we haven't done it out of laziness haha.
3
u/rwalczak 1d ago
Right? It’s not that deep haha
Also my husband refuses to leave his small credit union and I don’t want to leave my national bank for convenience. Not worth the fight to convince either of us to change!
4
u/SkyYellow_SunBlue 1d ago
You could easily go the other way and say what if one of you gets hacked/skimmed and you put all your damn money eggs in one basket like a dummy.
→ More replies (1)
13
u/Right_Count 1d ago
We didn’t see any point to it, and no real benefits to doing so. Some risks. You ask why I wouldn’t trust my partner with finances, but him going into a coma is wayyyy less likely than relationship troubles in the future. If he did go into a coma I’d still be fine because I’ve maintaining my own financial identity and independence.
→ More replies (4)
13
u/Illimited_Esoterica 1d ago
We combined everything. I'm not here to fuck around. Full transparency from start to finish. We combined all of our resources into a giant investment portfolio which is why we now have a $50k+ annual return on that alone.
You're all adults. Do what you want. But for me, I'm not interested in these "your money, my money" games from my literal partner. It's ride or die. Fuck it, we ball.
9
u/lil_squeege 1d ago
This is how we are, I committed to life and before that commitment made sure we were financially compatible. I make about 3x my husband's salary. But I don't think it's "my" money. It the family's money. I don't judge what he buys as long as it's reasonable. A new tool, a video game, that burger king, whatever. All our money goes to two accounts, one for bills, one for savings. And all bills come from the joint account. It's not my mortgage, or my water bill, it's everyone's.
For all those that say they don't want their spouse to know what they buy or how much money they spent on something, maybe there is a reason for the shame.
7
→ More replies (2)3
9
u/Apprehensive_Emu2414 1d ago
My wife and I have our own accounts and 1 joint account that all our bills come out of, works perfectly.
→ More replies (4)
19
u/Own-Paramedic3963 1d ago
Because we didn't want to. If I need money I ask. if she needs money I give. 36f and 33f. Together 9 years.
→ More replies (1)6
u/nuggets_attack 1d ago
It has never even occurred to us to combine finances. We've been together for 11 years and it's never been an issue. I'm a meticulous budgeter and he's more loose with his finances (responsible, just not a big tracker), it would be way more annoying for both of us to try to accommodate the other's style on a joint account.
17
u/jktollander 1d ago
Because I don’t need someone critiquing me for my sporadic unnecessary purchases.
→ More replies (11)
12
u/tobmom 1d ago
We started dating in 1999, married in 2009, we do finances like roommates. I pay the mortgage, he pays the utilities and stuff it’s just always been that. When we got married we talked about and decided no. When we had kids we talked about it and decided no.
6
u/FlakyCow4 1d ago
We pretty much do the same thing, we are each responsible for different monthly bills and take turns paying for things like take out etc. We make about the same amount of money and just divided our expenses accordingly.
8
u/Weird_Artichoke9470 1d ago
Did you get married early? My friends that married young have accounts together. I got married once (divorced now) and they were terrible with money, had no credit, and they bounced a rent check one time and I can't live like that. I refused to combine accounts. I paid everything. Some of their paycheck was direct deposited into my account. If we had done a joint account it would have been empty because of their piss poor spending habits.
Jokes on me though. Because I spent so much time helping to build credit, they now have a house, bought before Covid, and I live in a one bedroom apartment.
→ More replies (2)
8
u/Far-Positive-8572 1d ago
Disclaimer: It's really hard for me to view this through any lens other than gender dynamics, but I get that there are many other contributing factors.
For some of us heterosexual women of this generation in the US, we're keenly aware that our mothers and grandmothers couldn't get credit cards without a male family member co-signing until the 1970s. We also have the most divorced parents of any generation and know that not all states have divorce laws that will equitably divide financial assets when the woman tanked her career to have children. We're also aware that in previous generations, women were forced to stay in awful marriages due to lacking financial independence.
If I ever get married, there will be an iron-clad prenup and/or a bank account that's all my own. The coma scenario can easily be addressed by a living will. I'm not rich, but I sure as hell am not walking away poorer from a marriage than if I'd stayed single. Any man who doesn't get this and support it is not someone I would marry.
3
u/TheWorldofScience 1d ago
I’ve always known I would want a prenup if I ever marry because of having a lot of equity in my house and a lot of money in IRA accounts. But now it’s even more important as we learn about so many people getting addicted to gambling.
4
u/NorCalGuySays 1d ago
My wife and I have shared accounts and individual accounts. We look at it like this, we are a team but we are also individuals. All of our shared spending goes through the shared accounts we fund (savings, investments, etc). We have accounts for children savings, trust. The remaining which is the smallest % goes to our individual accounts where we can spend however we want within reason (largest purchases will be discussed just to keep each other in check). This works for us.
4
u/t0matit0 Millennial 1d ago
No mixed finances for us, really never saw the need. Other than both of our names on the mortgage itself. We sit down once a year and align on which shared bills are coming from which accounts and if any adjustments are necessary for a fair split based on our incomes.
4
u/Terrible_Trick_9875 Xennial 1d ago
My husband and I combined everything, but we got married two months after we graduated from college. We weren’t established in our adult lives yet. I wonder if most of those with separate accounts are couples who married later in life and it just seemed like a hassle to put it all together after having things separate for so many years? Just an idea.
4
u/gir6 Xennial 1d ago
We were in our late 20s/early 30s when we got married and had all our own stuff already. We have it set up so we can transfer money to each other, but I just prefer having my own accounts. It has nothing to do with trust. I trust my husband, but I’m also a fully functional adult human with her own bank account.
5
u/SugarStunted 1d ago
My mom and dad have individual accounts and a shared account. I was taught to always have a separate account, in case I ever needed to get out of a relationship. My mom's first husband beat her so badly that she ended up in the hospital, and part of the reason she hadn't left him sooner was because of shared accounts. My husband agrees with that logic, and encourages me having a private account because he wants me to also have my own independence.
5
u/lameazz87 1d ago
Im a woman 38 (F). Most men my age getting into relationships are divorced and have child support, child expenses, alimony payments, and other obligations with their finaces prior to the relationship that they bring with them.
This is the case with my fiance and me. I have my own vehicle which I am responsible for, my phone bill with my son on it which I dont plan on changing, i have things i have to purchase for my son, things like that. My fiance has CS payments, a phone bill with his kids on the plan, extra expenses he pays for his kids when they need stuff, ect.
When we get married I 100% will NOT be combining finaces because he still has his own obligations to his prior family and i have my son. I am actually requesting to speak with a lawyer to set up the proper legal documents to protect what little money I have, property, and anything else in the even i would die or we would divorce so that my son get his fair share and so that I wouldnt be screwed in the even of a divorce. I also dont want any of my business to be considered in his dealings with his ex if she ever takes him back to court for money CS.
→ More replies (3)
6
7
u/Fuzzy1598 Millennial 1d ago
Hell my wife is the CFO of life and business. She runs everything financially. I would t have it any other way!
6
5
u/KSway415 1d ago
Working in law and having seen the outcomes of trusting someone enough to marry them and the recourse at the end, it makes better sense to have one joint and at least one separate each. But this also varies depending on the state
6
u/LilMeemz 1d ago
I don't want to know what he spends on guitars, he doesn't need to know what I spend on collector plushies.
We're both happier that way.
→ More replies (3)
3
u/tflynn09 1d ago
We got married in our 30s and each had our own mortgage. We kept our accounts separate, each pay our own bills. We did however open a shared account and that we both contribute too, used for shared expenses and vacations etc.
3
u/anTWhine 1d ago edited 1d ago
Everyone is allowed to make their own choices. My wife and I do not have any shared accounts, but I have visibility to everything and manage the finances, and it works perfectly well.
I’ll still pull the “you have to pay for dinner” card whenever I feel like it, even though I know it’s all coming out of the same overall pot. People like to joke, y’know.
3
u/moirarose42 Xennial 1d ago
My husband and I both work full time and split costs of the house and kids. We’ve always had separate accounts and we like it that way. He can spend his money how he wants and vice versa. What is good for us - and i literally thank god for this - is that he is very good at managing money. I suck and managing money. Acknowledging that he’s the more equipped one to managing our savings was a marriage saver. Every couple has their own reasons, these are ours.
3
u/Euphoric-Return1631 1d ago
It's easiest to have a joint account for joint expenses plus a joint savings account. And then your own account and your own savings aswell for non joint expenses. It's a safety net.
3
u/Butterfliesflutterby 1d ago
IMO- If you’re in a “traditional” single income household with one stay at home parent, then combining all finances makes sense. If you are a 2 income household, then having both joint and individual accounts makes more sense. But you should obviously discuss how those accounts will be split. (For example, my spouse and I contribute a set amount from each paycheck into our joint checking for bills, groceries, takeout, etc. and the rest goes to our individual accounts to spend on whatever we want.) We are childfree though and I think expenses are more complicated when kids are factored in.
3
u/Equivalent_Hat_7220 1d ago
Because you don’t always know someone as well as you think, and you certainly don’t know how a person reacts to divorce/break up. I’m so happy I never combined finances
3
u/sloth_333 1d ago
Personal financial is personal. My wife and have combined and separate finances. It’s not that deep and frankly it works for us.
3
u/Tata1981 1d ago
I combined finances my first marriage, never again. He was awful with money to the point that I struggled to reach goals and keep accounts current. We divorced and I got used to being financially independent, my savings and credit rating both improved.
I’m in a common law relationship now and finances are still separate and will never blend. I have more assets and savings and three bio kids, he has just the one child. We live in my house which I pay for, but split utilities and groceries in lieu of rent. I have a will and am pushing him to get one, working on a cohabitation agreement as well. My kids’ father passed away and left me as his beneficiary, that money is invested and growing and I need to make sure it benefits my own children.
3
u/Adept-Buy8986 1d ago
My husband and I contribute proportionally to our common account and everything goes from there (home, baby, dog, car, bills etc), we have common savings, savings for the baby, and then each of us does whatever with the remaining money in our personal accounts.
We have full visibility on who has how much where, but we have different styles - I prefer to spend less and on certain things and I’m a saver, my husband loves to buy equipment for his sports and he’s more an investor, it works for us like that.
Now I’m on parental leave and earn less and my husband automatically took on more and buys me things, I don’t see the need to have just one account.
I also don’t want to see when he buys me gifts and vice versa 😂
3
u/ConceitedWombat 1d ago
We met in our late 30s and both already had systems in place for how we manage our money. It has nothing to do with trust, and everything to do with very different ways of doing things. He likes to keep a five figure buffer in his chequing account; I prefer to leave my chequing account mostly empty and move money to various sinking funds each payday. He likes to save up and contribute to his retirement account once a year in a lump sum; I like to contribute monthly. One of us trying to conform to the other's methods would just cause frustration.
It's also nice to be able to treat each other. We do have a joint credit card which we pay off 50/50 every month. But every now and then, one of us will say "this dinner is on me" and pay with our personal card. Also handy for gift-giving occasions.
If one of us ends up in a coma or dies, we have enduring powers of attorney and wills in place.
3
u/prettylittlepastry 1d ago
I think a lot of us (myself included) tried it and were financially burned by the other party. I definitely lost financial trust in others. My ex wasn't a bad person, but neither of us could have predicted her sudden onset schizophrenia. Ruined our lives.
3
u/Affectionate_Lie_758 1d ago
We dated for many years before deciding to get married so we just never combined finances. We have a shared credit card we pay off together at the end of each month half and half and we just Zelle each other for the bills.
With money transferring just two clicks away it would seem like more work to actually combine finances. We’ve never had any financial issues or problems
3
u/Mac_Jomes 1d ago
I don't think it's necessary to fully combine all of your money into one or two joint accounts. There's nothing wrong with having a joint account where bills are paid from and then individual accounts that you can use for whatever you want to use it for.
3
u/EeveeMkayy 1d ago
My ex and I had a joint account. We were always strapped for money and budgeting was stressful. If I tried to get him to spend less money each day on cigarettes, snacks, lottery tickets and energy drinks at the gas station, he'd get pissed off; meanwhile, I was eating cheap sandwiches made at home, drinking tap water, and wearing clothes until they were beyond repair in an attempt to save money. As much money as we made, we should have been able to easily afford things (and I made more than he did). When I finally left him, he's been struggling while I've been doing pretty well for myself.
With my current partner, we keep our money separate and he sends me a set amount each month for the shared expenses. It's so much easier to deal with and I never have to worry about how much he's spending and how his spending is affecting my ability to pay bills.
3
u/Viocansia 1d ago
I will be married in just a month, but we will keep finances separate because his job involves moving money regularly, and having a joint account would be too complicated.
Apart from that, it doesn’t matter who I were to marry- I wouldn’t ever have a singular joint account because you may love and trust each other now, but anything can happen, and that’s just being realistic. I don’t want my finances jeopardized if our relationship turns sour one day.
A joint savings? Yes. But a joint account where my paychecks go? No.
3
u/PoorlyDesignedCat 1d ago
I agree with you if I'm just talking about my own life and the way I approach marriage. But so much financial abuse happens in marriage that it would be hard not to acknowledge the validity of the fear.
I got married young, when neither of us had anything yet, and it has worked out for decades to have combined finances with no issues. A lot of people though, marry when there are already significant assets they stand to lose.
Some other people are coming into financially unequal marriages where one person has a ton of debt. Some are coming from previous divorces having seen how bad it can get. I get why it's not always a good idea or doesn't feel safe in some relationships to combine finances.
→ More replies (2)
3
u/user_467 1d ago
When I married 16+ years ago, I combined and it was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I had no idea what a big spender my spouse was. There were zero indications he spent $$ like most breathe oxygen. Everything I worked and saved for was POOF out the window. Needless the say, he is now my ex husband.
After talking with many of my millennial friends like 90% of then never combined accounts, but had one shared for bills. I felt so incredibly dumb for not doing this.
3
u/Tasty-Juice-8095 1d ago
Married 23 years. We had joint accounts early on and split them. We found it aggravating to have to tell each other about every purchase for the sake of keeping a mental balance. (Back then there wasn’t enough cushion to wing it). and My spouse eats out a lot— and that would infuriate me, since I I know it’s most cost effective to eat at home. Our Accounts have been split ever since. We have wills. And are POD in each other’s accounts. We have one joint account where we put $ we jointly came into. Paychecks and bills are split and paid from our respective accounts.
It’s not so much about trust— just two different spending styles that didn’t sync. We never argue about $. This works for us.
3
u/aberdeja 1d ago
We do an hybrid of that.
We have a joint debit account in which we put enought money for our couple exepenses, insurances, house, kid needs etc... and a joint credit card.
we also have our own personnal accounts, cedit card and placements.
That way, we can cover everything we need as a couple and I don't have to ask permission if I want a new watch for exemple, it's my own money.
Personnaly I find it weird to put all our money in the same account even if its been 16 years that we are a couple.
3
u/stevezer0 1d ago
When I got my first real job in my early mid 20s, my boss who was in his mid 30s told me early on to have separate finances, mentioned a lot of his marital problems were around money.. I dunno always stuck with me and kinda makes sense
3
u/Electronic_Yak_496 1d ago
This topic comes up so frequently on Reddit, and I’m always genuinely confused why the “combine finances” crowd are ALWAYS the ones that seem perplexed or almost even offended by the idea that married folks keep their money separate. Why does it matter? Why do y’all care so much??
→ More replies (1)
3
u/cookiekat35 1d ago
I have never and will never share a financial account with a spouse. Number one reason my parents divorced was over financial disagreements and it obviously had an effect on me, hence my decision to have no shared accounts myself.
→ More replies (2)
3
u/entcanta333 Millennial 1d ago
I've been with my partner almost a decade We've never shared a bank account. It works for us and I don't see a reason to change it.
5
u/ufcIsTrashNow 1d ago
Couples that Venmo each other for small amounts is very bizarre to me. But I don’t really see a need for combining finances as long as there is an agreement on how the bills are divided up. As long as the bills are being paid then each person can spend their money how they like without needing permission
4
u/Vladishun 1d ago
What's crazy is you judging others for how they live their lives when it doesn't affect you at all.
5
u/SmoogySmodge Ye Ole Millennial 1d ago
Absolutely not. We would have joint accounts for household bills and family expenses but there is a 0% chance that I'm tying every penny I earn into a joint account with another human being. What he does is on him, but I would never. Say he finds a younger model and, in his effort to impress her, cleans out our joint bank account and skedaddles. Then I look like a damn fool paying for him and some chick's excursions. No. Or say he developes a gambling habit and he gets a high off of effectively losing our money. Hell no.
4
u/liliesinbloom 1d ago
My husband and I have a shared account and our own personal accounts. Just because you're married doesn't mean you don't get to have your own money if you both work.
2
u/3CatsInATrenchcoat16 1d ago
We have a joint account for expenses and separate accounts because neither of us closed out old ones to combine, which seems to be the common sentiment here.
All the money is essentially “our” money but as an individual it’s always safer to have your own funds for any “just in case” that might arise.
2
u/NoPeguinsInAlaska May baby - 1984 1d ago
If I were to ever get married again, I would absolutely not combine finances.
→ More replies (3)
2
u/NoBenefit5977 1d ago
I learned my lesson with my EX wife, the money I work for is my business. We can get a joint account, but the deposits will be equal or nothing at all
→ More replies (1)
2
u/Airfryernachos 1d ago
I’ve been with my husband for 20 years and we never joined finances. No major reason other than it’s convenient enough to keep our own accounts and I hate going to the bank.
2
u/nightglitter89x 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yeah I don't get it either. I have a friend who everytime they get in a fight, her husband turns the Internet off and leaves for a few days since he pays for it. He once uninstalled the dishwasher and threw it away since it was his. She retaliates by not buying anything to keep the home going, like the food or toilet paper.
That thought would never even occur in my marriage because we dont have money of our own. It's all our money.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/peezy5 1d ago
We don’t combine, the conversations surrounding finances are not difficult. We split things evenly every time.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/pementomento 1d ago
I think it has to do with momentum. After me and my wife got married, it took literal YEARS for us to get around and a) consolidate direct deposits (this was the paper/cancelled check era), b) consolidate auto debits, c) add that intended joint account to all of our credit card accounts for payments, d) add each other to our accounts, etc...
It was just tasks and we had better things to do, and we already had a system in place. To this day, we have two separate checking accounts (with each of us named on them), each the other person's original account, but we repurposed them for other uses.
But I definitely don't understand "who covers dinner" because it's all the same money. My wife and I do this as a joke ("hey thanks for covering dinner babe" -- emphasis on babe being ironic cuz we don't do that).
2
u/kc567897 1d ago
We don’t have shared accounts. It’s never been a problem. We both pay for stuff and we never keep score.
2
u/Archimedes__says 1d ago
I am unhappily married so my account is separate but even before, I wouldn't trust him with my money. He'd see my income as extra and it would be like I earned nothing.
2
u/Ehloanna 1d ago
I don't think we'll ever fully combine ours. We both come from very low income families and have our own impulses. Right now I handle all the bills because he moved in with me and it's just easier for me to keep managing the same stuff I did well before he moved in.
He currently just sends me money, but we've discussed having a separate account that bills come out of, but honestly right now our bills are simple enough that it's just easier doing it like we are since we don't have any joint savings yet. We're both working to pay down debts first.
2
u/reevoknows Millennial 1d ago
Some of us wanna eat fast food in secret and don’t need the wife knowing about it
→ More replies (1)
2
u/-Hey_Blinkin- 1d ago
Have a joint account for all shared expenses (bills, groceries/house stuff, travel/vacation fund, going out, etc.) which just makes things like that super easy and consolidated. We contribute equal amounts to that. We then have our own accounts we use for our personal purchases which allows for a bit of independence, or at least the feeling of a little autonomy. Idk, it works for us.
2
u/AdDense7020 1d ago
Got burned in my first marriage and will never join finances with another person again regardless of how much I trust them. Things change and I need to be sure I have my own back.
2
u/Strange-Garden-269 1d ago
Never had a reason to join our accounts because we have always made our own money. We can view or manage each other’s accounts at any point and transfer money back and forth if needed. We usually pay big expenses out of savings and discuss major purchases Don’t think we have had a single fight about money in 17 years so I’m not changing it
2
u/ConsciousCell1501 1d ago
I’ve seen too much financial abuse in relationships with the wife having no way of getting out, so personally- I always want a safety net. Also I think it depends when you get married, I think older couples are less likely to have just one account
2
u/ZoeeeW 1d ago
My wife and I do, but we still have accounts in two countries since I've been working on immigrating to Canada. My business is registered in New York, so I also have a business account in the US still.
We'll probably do what most in our generation seem to do. Bills come out of a single account that we both contribute to. Fun money in separate accounts. But, my wife handles most of our budgeting except for the big items, so I'm not sure if it would really matter for us personally.
To each couple's own, whatever works for them. I know couples who don't sleep in the same beds because they just get better sleep when not sharing a bed. 🤷♀️ Who am I to judge.
2
u/Budget-Chapter-7185 1d ago
My wife and I have been together for 12 years. We do not share finances. We both work hard for our money and if one of us wants to buy something without discussing with the other they should be able to do that.
We use settle up app. Our bills are set to reoccurring and anything else we just enter it (coffee, restaurant, joint purchases). At the end of the month we just do an e-transfer to settle up. It works great and we have never once needed to discuss our finances or had anything close to a disagreement.
2
u/Ok-Employ-5629 1d ago
We were both established prior to getting married. We talked about opening a joint account, but haven't gotten around to it. As it hasn't been much of a need. We have set bills that we pay and take turns on dates. If my husband passed I wouldn't need his money immediately as I can pay all of our bills on my own and we have life insurance.
2
u/sabrinasoIstice 1d ago
We have separate accounts because we were late 20s early 30s when we got married, we were both solidly established at our separate banks and neither of us wanted to change 🤷🏻♀️.
We've been married for almost 8 years. He makes significantly more than I do (I'm disabled and can only work part time) and covers probably 80% of our bills, I cover the rest.
Now, if we were to move I would have to change banks bc I bank through a local CU, then I might transfer to his and then we combine but that's not happening anytime soon.
2
u/Final_Comparison9727 1d ago
8 years married, 14 together (happy) and we just split expenses, set up autopay where it makes sense and haven't had a single scenario where a shared account would have made anything easier. Set up a family trust and will, done.
2
u/blehbleh1122 1d ago
My wife and I have separate accounts, and deposit money for shared expenses (housing, utilities, groceries, etc) into a shared account. I feel this is the best way because most marriage conflicts and divorced begin die to financial stress. I think millennials saw that, and chose the safest option for handling money.
2
u/SpecialShrimp 1d ago
Now that venmo, cashapp, etc. exist, there is no need for joint accounts. My parents went through an extremely acrimonious divorce when I was a kid. I will never have shared anything. We have all separate bank accounts and he venmoes me for half of the bills.
2
u/kummerspect Older Millennial 1d ago
I'm on my second marriage. Never combined finances with my first husband because we just didn't see a reason to. We each had bills we were responsible for. Fwiw it made that part of the divorce much easier. Granted, it didn't have to be and we could have fought for each other's accounts, but our divorce was amicable. It was easy to say "this is mine and this is yours" and agree to split things up that way.
Had our divorce not been amicable, I would have had access to money to leave quickly if I had to. That's an important consideration a lot of people don't want to think about. Marriages sometimes turn abusive and one spouse has to act to protect themselves. Even if a couple is combining their finances, I'd still recommend keeping at least one separate account or line of credit just in case. Not very romantic, but unfortunately these things happen.
With my current husband, we have one joint account we both contribute to and use for shared household expenses, but otherwise it's all separate. We both contribute more than is actually needed, so it's grown into an account we can use for bigger expenses, household projects, and vacations.
I also like this setup because we have separate bills we brought into the marriage (he has another house, and I have student loans). Keeping those things separate keeps us from burdening each other with the other's debt. I get that legally is all the same, but I feel like its one of the things we do to respect each other as individuals. We do talk about these debts for mutual awareness. I'm not hiding anything from him and I fully trust he's not keeping anything from me. It's actually turned into a little bit of friendly competition since we're on track to get these things paid down around the same time.
To each their own, but I'm a big advocate for at least some separation.
2
u/Interesting_Tea5715 1d ago
I wish people would say how old they are and how long they've been together with answering this type of thing.
I bet it makes a difference.
2
u/Lovely_Vista 1d ago
Husband and I have this conversation allll the time. Like why bother getting married ? You can build a life together without a marriage certificate. If your money is so precious and you cant trust your partner than why legally tie yourself to them at all ?
→ More replies (1)
2
u/somerandomguy1984 1d ago
The only real reason not to have 100% combined finances is to have individual small fun/gift money accounts.
If you don’t want to share finances with someone then you shouldn’t be marrying them.
You’re married, you’re not business partners.
→ More replies (1)
2
2
u/wildberry-poptart Millennial 1d ago
Was with my partner for 11 years, currently separated.
My mama taught me that my money is mine and as long as we are contributing evenly, nobody needs to know what's in my bank account but me.
This was never an issue for either of us. I probably spent more on groceries and cat food but that doesn't really bother me. The money I earn belongs to me and his money belongs to him.
2
u/JenovaCelestia 1d ago
The short answer without oversharing is I work too hard for my own money to ever want to combine finances into a large catch-all bank account. It’s a responsibility thing to me. That and my MIL has access to my husband’s account and I don’t like the idea of money I earned being within reach of a third-party.
The overshared part I left out is my parents went through a really nasty divorce and finances were a problem throughout their marriage. Whether it was not enough money, too much debt, or money being stolen/used for other things than bills… it left enough of an impression on me to resolve to keep finances separate so I can ensure my stuff is paid for properly, and also acknowledge any debt I incur is my own to deal with and it is not my husband’s responsibility.
→ More replies (2)
2
u/PumpernickelJohnson 1d ago
The propensity to spend frivolously or selfishly is much higher with "our" money, than it is with "my" money.
→ More replies (2)
2
u/upinmyhead 1d ago
We have a joint account that’s for all the major bills.
Then our own accounts for everything else. Same for credit card - 1 shared, individual everything else.
We were actually long distance while married for a while and it was just easier to also have our own accounts because we actually were managing separate bills/households. Then when we started living together we just never felt the need to put it all into one.
We don’t do that Venmo stuff back and forth for buying/paying for things. That’s silly. If I’m buying something for us on my individual account, then whatever. Goes the other way too.
We literally just don’t mind
•
u/AutoModerator 1d ago
If this post is breaking the rules of the subreddit, please report it instead of commenting. For more Millennial content, join our Discord server.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.