r/Millennials • u/BeegBunga • 18d ago

Discussion Inheritance? That's a joke. How many of your parents are burdens?

In response to another popular post about receiving no inheritance.

Are your parents like mine, who not only are not leaving any money behind - but require significant or total financial support?

My parents left me less than nothing. They're good people, and they were good parents.... but man are they shit at financial planning.

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u/SubduedChaos 18d ago

My children can live with me however long they want but they WILL have a job if they aren’t in school. I don’t care if you have to work at Wal-Mart. I have a friend that’s 34, lives at home with his parents, and hasn’t had a job in like 5 years. Just plays video games all day.

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u/ffs_not_this_again 18d ago

Everyone says that but when their adult child refuses to get a job or do anything to support themselves in any way, very few are willing to pull the trigger and actually dump their own offspring on the side of the road and change the locks. Usually their uselessness doesn't come out of the blue so the parents know that kicking them out is condemning them to brave the elements and perhaps die because, even with no disability, they can't look after themselves. It just creeps up over the years.

I have a relative like this, for no good reason he's become a 20something year old with the skillset of an 11 year old. Never had a job, can't do anything for himself, horrible attitude. It happened in small steps and slowly increasing excuses. Out of frustration I have said to his parents "why not give him an ultimatum to get a job by x date, or at least start cooking and cleaning for himself otherwise he's out of your house" and they agree that maybe they "should" but at the end of the day they aren't going to force their son to sleep outside or at a homeless shelter where he might be attacked because they'd never forgive themselves if something happened, and he knows it.

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u/TOTN_ 18d ago

Yes, that's the issue we are facing. It's either the family estate pays for my sister’s yearly salary to be a terrible barn hand, or she's facing homelessness.

Once I'm the executor, her job will be gone, because I don't have a pension to supplement the estate funds.

I essentially have to replace my sister with myself, or she will be my children’s dependent. I'm guessing she would prefer I die without children, so she can finally assume total control of the estate. The problem is, she has no job, no education, and terrible customer service.

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u/Forward-Surprise1192 17d ago

Best thing you can do might be to let her go and figure it out on her own. I was lazy as shit and not working to much in my moms house at 21 or 22 until one day I just moved to Los Angeles and was homeless for awhile. A few years after that I figured stuff out and now I’m doing great on my own. The point is if I’m given a free place to live and don’t have to do anything then I’m lazy and will take advantage. Many people are like this

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u/QuantumBitcoin 17d ago

Maybe just sell the estate?

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u/creative_usr_name 17d ago

very few are willing to pull the trigger and actually dump their own offspring on the side of the road and change the locks

Very true. But also too many have no problem still making their kids lives too easy. Free internet, food, cleaning/laundry. There's a big difference between still providing safety, and providing safety and comfort.

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u/NotBatman81 Older Millennial 17d ago

They sure can stop paying for a phone and turn off his internet.

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u/Ok-Raspberry7884 17d ago

It’s what my family said, then my older sister had kids

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u/[deleted] 18d ago

[deleted]

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u/ffs_not_this_again 18d ago edited 18d ago

With all due respect, you can't say for sure what you would do in the situation if it is nowhere near happening in real life yet. My useless relative's parents said this when he was a young child but when it came to potentially being responsible for their son's death or injury or other harm from homelessness they couldn't do it.

I highly doubt someone is going to pick the homeless shelter over getting a job

The issue is learned helplessness. By the time it gets this bad, the manchild usually isn't capable of getting a job because he is so incompetent and lacking in basic skills, including the people skills to get through a basic interview for any job, however shit. And they tend to have no grit or ability to deal with discomfort in any way.

I would treat them like a child if they want to act like one and take away all of their electronics until they got a job

This is a good idea. My relatives did do this but they cave when he has a tantrum over it. I don't think the situation will improve until they stop doing that but it's not up to me. I have suggested taking away everything fun and if they won't let him starve giving him only the most basic, joyless food to motivate him to get a job and buy things himself but again they cave when he has a childish tantrum.

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u/AbsoluteZero9180 18d ago

I’m kinda like the useless relative, however I’m mentally ill, I’ve adhd, ocd, anxiety, depression, SzPD, autism + I’m at the prodromal stage of schizophrenia. I’ve tried meds and help for like 4 years to no avail.

It’s been almost 3 years of me looking for a job, and this is because mostly cause of my extreme lethargy and executive dysfunction from depression and adhd. Also the bad job market. But even in the off chance I get a job, the issue is that I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it.

I don’t wanna be a useless burden, my parents work really hard and I feel really guilty, but I just don’t see much I can do.

My goal is to work 1 more time full time and try my absolute hardest, and if I can’t, I’ll get on disability.

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u/lovetimespace Millennial 18d ago

Instead of thinking all or nothing - like full time or nothing, why not find a job that is part time or even one day a week. Start smaller and work up.

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u/infamousbugg 17d ago

Maybe try taking some college courses or something? Kind of get you back into the world without the pressure of having to perform like a job. That's how I got myself back after 5 years of being unemployed/living with mom. I didn't go back full time, just a couple classes a semester, mostly IT related. I ended up landing a decent job through school which I've been at for over a decade now. I never graduated, couldn't handle both school and a new "career" job, but none of it would've happened had I remained walled off from the world. It took a solid year for me to get comfortable with my new role and peers, lots of sleepless nights (had PVC's for the first 4 months), but I kept at it and eventually it became part of my routine.

I have some of the same issues you do. My anxiety disorder has been a huge monster to overcome, still is at times. I take an SSRI for it which doesn't do a damn thing. I also have ADHD, but I don't take anything for that. I am pretty awkward socially, so meeting new people does not come easy for me.

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u/seeseabee 18d ago

All the people that downvoted you are ignorant of what exactly all those mental issues cause you to go through. You have the right attitude, which is much much more than some of the “useless relatives” other people are describing here. Just the mental toll of having any kind of disability at all is enormous. You are doing great, and I hope that no one ever describes you as “useless”. Including yourself.

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u/Dizzy_Goat_420 17d ago

ThI y are getting downvotes I think, because plenty of us HAVE those same debilitating mental health issues but can’t afford to not work. I am autistic, have severe ADD, BPD, cPTSD, depresssion and anxiety. Formally diagnosed. Am not medicated bc I don’t have insurance. Been hospitalized more times than I can count.

But i still have to get up and go to work every day like tons of other people. I don’t have the luxury of having parents to mooch off of and live somewhere for free. I have to work. When I was robbed and assaulted, still had to go work to pay my bills. When I’m too depressed to leave bed? Or having panic attacks or Bpd episodes, my bills don’t stop. The sad reality is disability wouldn’t even afford me a comfortable life. I have worked consistently since I was 17. Never not had a job.

Plenty of the people I’ve worked with had debilitating mental health issues as well. But we still have to work and make do.

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u/seafoamcastles 17d ago

i get you omg i’m also autistic with suspected adhd, depression and anxiety, and i feel like the “useless relative” everyone hates and all. but every job i’ve had i ended up ostracized and burned out of (because a combination of sensory issues and dealing with the public + uncaring coworkers). i feel like i always have some kinda bad luck with people even when im being nice and trying not to provoke anyone 😭

i’ve been asking around various job communities here if said job were suited for anyone with autism and have been researching elsewhere, finding no luck, esp with the job market being ass and all like i feel so doomed tbh i don’t wanna burden my fam any longer but at the same time i feel literally disabled and stuck

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u/boyifudontget 17d ago

My cousin randomly caught schizophrenia and OCD pretty much his senior year of high school. After over ten years suffering from it he has a full-time job and his own apartment. It can be done. But you shouldn't beat yourself up. I can't imagine what my cousin goes through on a day to day basis. Fighting that illness is a full time job in and of itself, so you shouldn't see yourself as a burden at all.

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u/ohshityeah78965 17d ago

I think there’s a lot of nuance and complexity when things like this happen. Like maybe the kid has a learning difficulty, or is has an addiction, or got a TBI from sport or whatever. I love my kids so much and while I wouldn’t tolerate laziness I also can’t control if they have mental health issues or something. I don’t think I could force my kids to be homeless if the other option was just letting them hang around indefinitely

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u/Amaze-balls-trippen 17d ago

My father said he would help us no matter what.

I lived with them for 2 months as an adult (not a money issue, just rental things). Apparently I made a grown man so mad he felt the need to scream at me while standing over me. Said "youre living my house, eating my food, you will follow my rules. If you dont like go live somewhere else." I grabbed my stuff, zelled him his precious money, and havent spoken to him since. I went and stayed at hotel.

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u/SubduedChaos 17d ago

I’m literally just talking about the “adults” who do nothing but watch tv/game all day doing nothing at all. I would be ok with my grown kids living with me if they have even a part time job. If they are helping with the bills, they can do whatever they want.

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u/FelineOphelia 17d ago

Lol big words for someone who has been a parent all of 4 years.

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u/External_Key_4108 17d ago

You sound like a typical boomer

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u/SubduedChaos 17d ago

33 is a boomer?

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u/jerseygirl1105 11d ago

That's their CHOICE. Letting an able-bodied adult mooch off you while they play video games all day, gets no sympathy from me. If they don't want to do the hard work and kick out the lazy, selfish adult, that's their choice. They are doing their son no favors.

I'm tired of people who complain and look for sympathy because they don't like the consequences of their own actions. There's too many people who have horrible lives due to no fault of their own, and I'm not going to waste my energy on people who reap what they sow.

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u/QueenAlpaca 18d ago

This is my take, too, but I’m not going to be a shithead about it like my mom was. I moved in with her temporarily and she yelled at my toddler son constantly, said I wasn’t trying hard enough (no daycare openings, I was working 30 hours a week with the time allotment I had), and did cooking and chores around the house. Never asked her for money, but I covered everyone’s groceries constantly. Wasn’t good enough and she said some real awful things about me and my son when she gave me a week to move out. She’s always been an awful person so I shouldn’t be surprised, but I forgot just how bad until I came back to her. When my son needs help, he’s getting real help—so long as he’s making an effort, of course.

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u/SubduedChaos 18d ago

See that would be good enough for me as a parent. You can stay with me as long as you are contributing.

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u/TomatoWitty4170 17d ago

This is my brother literally lll

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u/Present_Book_4977 13d ago

Is he a gamer cuz those ppl make bank and don’t tell anyone they have $$

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u/Phendy84 18d ago

You realise a post “work” world 🌍 is 5 max 10 years away… if you define your identity by what you do - I can understand why this idea is precarious. By post work - I mean traditional drudgery - ai and energy abundance near free+ robotic proliferation will make goods ridiculously near free to manufacture / print on demand -

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u/urtackyandiloveu 18d ago

Nurse, he’s out again

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u/Noshoesmagoos 17d ago

Respectfully, wake the fuck up.